Sherrielock Holmes and The Raven

August 25, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Folklore, Gothic, Gothic romance, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Sherrielock Holmes and The Raven

The year was 1899.

And Sherrielock Holmes (the dominatrix lesser known twin sister of world famous consulting detective Sherlock Holmes) was walking in the park with her scientist husband Dr. Louis Rocher (who, unbeknownst to both, was in fact the illegitimate son of the evil Prof. James Moriarty).

Dr. Rocher was demonstrating his latest invention – a camera capable of taking colour photos.

He took a picture of Sherrielock with a boastful talking raven who claimed to be the inspiration behind Edgar Allan Poe’s 1845 poem The Raven (a claim which if true the raven looked very good for his age).

He then took a picture of Sherrielock with a guinea pig.

Sherrielock was told by the raven that a close friend of the guinea pig- a red fox (who was a vegetarian- rare for his species) was in mortal danger.

The next day Sherrielock and Louis went to nearby woods and parkland to foil the fox hunt led by the notorious British fox hunter Lord Plumelington of Nausea in an effort to save the life of the guinea pig’s friend.

Lord Plumelington who was a practitioner of the dark arts had invoked Njord the Norse god of the winds to stop anyone from opposing his fox hunt.

Winds and water encircled Sherrielock like a typhoon.

A moment that Dr. Louis Rocher managed to capture on film.

And Sherrielock who was a skilled dominatrix became the first person in history to whip the wind.

She then jumped on a white horse and rode like the wind to upset Lord Plumelington of Nausea’s fox hunt sending his hounds scattering in every direction.

Sherrielock was indeed a true heroine and the fox was saved.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Sunday August 25th
2019.

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Sherrielock Holmes’ 165th Birthday

January 6, 2019 at 11:57 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, love, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Today is the Feast Day of the Epiphany.

And it was on the Feast Day of The Epiphany in 1854 that two remarkable individuals were born.

Twins.

A boy and a girl.

The boy would go on to achieve fame and fortune as the world’s greatest consulting detective- Sherlock Holmes of 221 B Baker Street.

The girl would remain in the shadows.

One because of her chosen profession- that of a dominatrix.

And although her clientele included members of the British Empire’s high and mighty, no one wished to publicly speak of her.

She also worked for the most secret levels of British Intelligence.

She had been recruited into British Intelligence on the recommendation of one Winston Churchill in 1914 when he served in the World War I British cabinet as First Lord of The Admiralty.

By this time of course Sherrielock Holmes had achieved immortality.

Quite literally.

For she had eaten a specially prepared omelette made with Lingzhi supernatural mushrooms that had been developed by her husband the noted scientist Dr. Louis Rocher (who was ironically enough the illegitimate son of her twin brother’s mortal arch Prof. James Moriarty and a single unmarried French woman named Isabelle Rocher) which gave her immortality.

Dr. Rocher decided to wait to prepare a similar omelette and achieve immortality for himself.

A decision he came to regret after his plane was shot down by the Red Baron on April 20th 1918 just the day before the Red Baron was shot down himself by Canadian pilot Roy Brown on April 21st.

His immortal Lingzhi supernatural mushroom omelette recipe went to the ground with him.

Sherrielock Holmes left British Intelligence in 1920 and became a school teacher throughout the 1920s.


Sherrielock Holmes found her dominatrix training came in handy teaching in a girls’ school in the 1920s.


Living life briefly as a blonde, she also found her dominatrix experience came in handy teaching in a boys’ school in the 1920s.

Today of course, Sherrielock turned 165.

Her brother Sherlock had been offered one of Dr. Louis Rocher’s immortal omelettes as well but turned him down describing it as “oriental mumbo-jumbo” and “hocus pocus nonsense”.

Sherlock subsequently died of a massive cardiac arrest on May 28th 1937 upon hearing the news on BBC Radio that Neville Chamberlain had replaced Stanley Baldwin as Prime Minister of Britain.

German Fuhrer Adolf Hitler’s glee was the great British consulting detective’s death agony.

So Sherlock was not present at Sherrielock’s 165th Birthday party being held in the main dining room at the Savoy Hotel in London tonight hosted by her great-grandson Dr. Cadbury Rocher who was the chief scientist at Set Enterprises the research and development firm owned by the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher was the man said to embody the best (and the worst) of Holmes and Moriarty blood.

His greatest testtube genetic creation was present- the shapeshifting hamster/human British MP Renfield R. Renfield widely touted to someday become the Prime Minister of Britain and the Sir Winston Churchill of the 21st Century.

Also present was Amadeus Emanon (Set’s personal concert pianist) who had recently started recording his own songs at a major London music and recording studio and those few music critics who had listened to his songs touted him as a future British music sensation to equal the likes of David Bowie and Freddie Mercury.

Not present was Pan Goatee who had run away from Set Enterprises laboratories to join an American electric music rock band back in 2013 and now worked as a contract assassin for America’s DARPA and a satyr serial killer of ugly women.

There were various genetically modified animals that Dr. Rocher had created as well- including Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster who was currently occupying a blow proof lobster tank in the dining room of the Savoy.

That new Rocher prototype lobster tank turned out not to be so blow proof when Sherrielock entered the Savoy dining room wearing her lovely evening dress.

Waiters and bus boys were still mopping up water and London private eyes Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley (who were a defeated British Conservative MP and defeated British Labour MP respectively) hired to provide security for the birthday party were trying to prevent Gordon Ramsay, who had mistaken Michelangelo for an ordinary crustacean, from placing him in a pot of boiling water.

Intelligence agents from Russia, China and Venezuela were also at the event hoping to discover Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s plans for the redevelopment of the ancient Hebrew general Joshua’s trumpets capable of bringing down any wall (which would virtually ensure that Donald Trump would be pissing $5.6 billion in U.S. taxpayers’ money down the drain).

Renfield was already on his Huawei smart phone communicating with his latest crush newly elected Democratic Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez:

“Now more than ever I think $5.6 billion would be better spent towards implementing a national public health insurance program that most civilized nations in the western world already have” – Renfield

As for another of Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s creations, the genetically recreated winged horse Pegasus was now the pet and favourite animal of Queen Rania of Jordan.

She had received offers from both Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman and Jared Kushner to sell him but she had turned both men down flat.

And as in another place, billionaire George Soros was drowning his sorrows in champagne over the possible imminent collapse of the Brussels led European Union, the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill was proposing a toast to Sherrielock Holmes on her 165th Birthday.

And the ghost of Orson Welles took an old black and white picture of Sherrielock Holmes with an old Polaroid Model 95 Land camera invented by Edwin Land in 1948:

Sherrielock Holmes on her 165th Birthday- Not looking a day over 25.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 6th
2018
Feast of Epiphany

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Reblog- A Day In The Life of Dr. Cadbury Rocher

April 25, 2018 at 7:33 pm (Biographical, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, Politics, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Here’s a vampire novel chapter I wrote 3 years ago-

Dracul Van Helsing

Day In The Life of Dr. Cadbury Rocher

The brilliant scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher (who some called “mad”, others called “insane” and the politically correct called “sanity challenged”) sat in his office overlooking the laboratory of Set Enterprises.

He looked down at the laboratory and noticed Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster sleeping peacefully in his lobster tank.

Which was a good thing.

The lobster tank had mysteriously exploded on 7 different occasions the past few weeks.

And the higher-ups on the Board of Directors of Set Enterprises were starting to take notice.

Especially the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s new personal chartered accountant Ayn Rand Nosferatu.

A strange woman. Not quite human. Not quite vampire.

And different from both in that x-rays showed that she had within her chest an ancient Chinese abacus in the place where her heart should have been.

Her office was quite intimidating.

She had a statue…

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Reblog- Sherrielock Holmes Invited To Mermaid Art Exhibit

April 24, 2018 at 8:59 pm (Art, Culture, Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, painting, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Here’s a vampire novel chapter I wrote over a year ago:

Dracul Van Helsing

Sherrielock Holmes was wearing an exquisite turquoise evening dress. She had been invited to an exhibition of paintings of mermaids done by artist Charmaine Olivia at a new London art gallery- The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery.

Her escort for this evening would be her great-grandson Dr. Cadbury Rocher. Of course she would not be introduced as Cadbury’s great-grandmother at the Exhibit Opening Night Party. People might talk.

For Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ lesser-known twin sister) had turned immortal one fine day back in the 1890s when she had eaten a special blend of Lingzhi Supernatural Mushrooms prepared for her by her boyfriend later husband Dr. Louis Rocher (who was Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s great-grandfather).

Sadly her love Dr. Louis Rocher did not prepare and eat a bunch of Lingzhi Supernatural Mushrooms for himself. For whatever reason, he decided to wait to eat the mushroom elixir of life. When the…

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Reblog-Renfield’s Research On Sherrielock Holmes

April 22, 2018 at 8:06 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Humour, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Seeing as how yesterday April 21st 2018 was the 100th Anniversary of the death of the Red Baron Manfred von Richthofen, I thought I would re-post this vampire novel chapter I wrote almost 3 years ago which deals with the background of the immortal leather skirted dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ twin sister), her late husband Dr. Louis Rocher (who was shot down and killed by the Red Baron just the day before the Red Baron himself was shot down and killed) and the demise of the Red Baron himself.

Dracul Van Helsing

Renfield’s Research On Sherrielock Holmes

Amadeus and Renfield were sitting in their favourite Fish and Chips shop in London.

Renfield was having the Deluxe Grilled Cheese and Tuna Fish Sandwich Special.

Amadeus was having the All You Can Eat Fish n’ Chips Special.

He was now on his 11th plate of fish and chips.

“I’ve noticed that for some reason I’m not able to fit into any of the clothes that people bought me as presents last Christmas,” Amadeus said as he bit into his monster piece of cod.

“I wonder why that is,” Renfield bit into his sandwich.

“I have no idea,” Amadeus ordered his 12th plate of fish and chips.

“Anyways I’ve been doing some research on Sherrielock Holmes,” Renfield sipped his Magic Mushroom and Marshmallow Laced Chocolate Latte.

“Your personal dominatrix?” Amadeus spoke in a loud voice.

“Shhh, quiet, not so loud,” Renfield whispered to Amadeus.

The…

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Sherrielock Holmes’ Grand Entrance At The Mermaid Art Exhibit

January 20, 2017 at 1:00 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Movies, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

When Sherrielock Holmes walked through the doors of The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery, she took a pair of long turquoise gloves out of her silver and diamond embroidered purse and put them on her hands and arms.

She then removed a whip out of her purse and said to the otter, “Out, out, Jefferey de Montmartre you naughty otter. You oughta naught be here.”

The otter went running out into the street and jumped into the back of a fleeing beer truck.

The former DARPA employee (whom Jefferey the Otter had followed into the gallery) had meanwhile locked himself in a cubicle in the men’s washroom and was calling home long distance on his mobile phone, “Tiger Mom, you’ve got to help me.”

“Hm, Tiger Mom?” Filmmaker Woody Allen said to himself as he walked by eating an egg salad sandwich, “I wonder if she’s any relation to Tiger Lily?”.

“What’s up?” Amadeus Emanon asked Renfield R. Renfield outside the men’s washroom.

Then when Amadeus noted what was up with Renfield, he thought that was actually a pretty stupid question to ask given the number of beautiful women at the Art Exhibit party.

“It’s nice to be able to take a night off once in a while,” Pan Goatee thought to himself as he sipped champagne while standing in the middle of the exhibit room.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 9th
2017.

“What’s up, Tiger Lily?”.

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Sherrielock Holmes Off To The Mermaid Art Exhibit

January 19, 2017 at 1:36 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

“You look wonderful, great-grandmother,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher kissed Sherrielock Holmes on the cheek.

“Thank you, Cadbury,” Sherrielock smiled at the compliment.

“Have you seen the photos of my genetically created winged horse Pegasus that I have put up on Facebook?” Dr. Cadbury Rocher proudly asked.

“How can I not help but notice when you keep posting pics every two minutes,” Sherrielock sighed, “I finally had to cut off your news feed.”

“You cut off my Facebook news feed?” Dr. Cadbury Rocher looked horrified, “Great-Grandma,how could you do that?”.

“Oh stop pouting, Cadbury,” Sherrielock commanded, “or I’ll have to give you a spanking.”

Dr. Cadbury Rocher stopped pouting.

The resident mad scientist for Set Enterprises did have quite the evil side. Of course that was to be expected working for the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (whose claim to fame was bodily dismembering his brother Osiris) and for being a co-employee of the notorious Renfield R. Renfield (whose claim to fame was being a lecherous horny horndog as well as being a notoriously bad artist, musician, songwriter, composer of operas and musicals and symphony orchestra conductor) as well as being a co-employee of Amadeus Emanon (whose claim to fame was driving several of London’s all you can eat buffet restaurants into bankruptcy).

Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s evil side could be traced back to his great great grandfather Professor James Moriarty- yes THAT Prof. James Moriarty who was Sherlock Holmes’ arch enemy.

Prof. Moriarty had had a brief fling with a beautiful young French woman Mademoiselle Isabelle Gabrielle Rocher. When Gabrielle told the leading mathematician and criminal mastermind that she was pregnant with his child, Prof. Moriarty announced that he had left one of his suitcases back in South America on a recent trip he took there.

The mathematician and criminal mastermind hurriedly booked passage on a ship bound for South America. For some reason though, he never did return to France leaving Mademoiselle Isabelle Gabrielle Rocher to raise her son Louis as a single mother. Instead Moriarty wound up back in England where he was to later incur the enmity of Sherlock Holmes (the better known twin brother of Sherrielock Holmes).

Thus Dr. Cadbury Rocher had both Holmes and Moriarty blood running through his veins.

“So how is Pegasus doing these days?” Sherrielock asked.

“Well he’s actually having trouble learning how to fly,” Dr. Rocher confessed, “so I’ve hired a sparrow to teach him how to fly.”

“Well I suppose that’s better than hiring an ostrich to teach him how to fly,” Sherrielock quipped.

As Sherrielock and Cadbury pulled up in their limousine to The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery, both happened to notice the Greek god Apollo (whom Dr. Cadbury Rocher had recently brought back from the dead) enter the gallery carrying his lyre.

“It looks like Apollo will be playing his lyre at the Mermaid Art Exhibit,” Cadbury stated.

“I wonder,” Sherrielock reflected, “if such divine music will bring the mermaids to life and cause them to emerge out from the canvas of their paintings.”

“Oh God, I certainly hope so,” a former DARPA employee from the southern United States remarked as he entered the gallery for the Charmaine Olivia Exhibit.

A barking otter followed the former DARPA employee into the gallery.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 9th
2017.

The lovely Isabelle Gabrielle Rocher abandoned by the evil Prof. James Moriarty for a lost piece of luggage in South America.

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Sherrielock Holmes Invited To Mermaid Art Exhibit

January 17, 2017 at 10:56 am (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Sherrielock Holmes was wearing an exquisite turquoise evening dress. She had been invited to an exhibition of paintings of mermaids done by artist Charmaine Olivia at a new London art gallery- The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery.

Her escort for this evening would be her great-grandson Dr. Cadbury Rocher. Of course she would not be introduced as Cadbury’s great-grandmother at the Exhibit Opening Night Party. People might talk.

For Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ lesser-known twin sister) had turned immortal one fine day back in the 1890s when she had eaten a special blend of Lingzhi Supernatural Mushrooms prepared for her by her boyfriend later husband Dr. Louis Rocher (who was Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s great-grandfather).

Sadly her love Dr. Louis Rocher did not prepare and eat a bunch of Lingzhi Supernatural Mushrooms for himself. For whatever reason, he decided to wait to eat the mushroom elixir of life. When the Great War (later known as the First World War) broke out in 1914, Dr. Louis Rocher (who was himself a French citizen) was recruited to work as a research scientist for the British Defense Department preparing Weapons of Mass Destruction to be used against the Kaiser’s Germany and its allies.

The German Intelligence Service hired an American named Bush (this was prior to America’s entry in the war as an opponent of Germany) to search for Dr. Louis Rocher’s Weapons of Mass Destruction but he was unable to find them.

Never one to say die, Bush took the Deutschemarks anyways and returned home to the United States where he opened up a couple of businesses- the Mother of All Drunkards’ Pub and the Baghdad Cafe. Rumour had it that Bush sired a family of U.S. politicians who were about as equally successful at finding Weapons of Mass Destruction in the future.

When Dr. Louis Rocher’s numerous childhood friends died as soldiers fighting in the trenches of France, Dr. Rocher decided to come out from the safety of a British government laboratory and join the fighting himself.

He first tried to join the French Army but was turned down for having lived so many years in Britain. He then tried to join the British Army but was turned down for having been born and raised in France.

Finally Dr. Louis Rocher was able to join the newly formed RAF where he served as a fighter pilot. Dr. Rocher ended up being shot down and killed by the Red Baron aka Baron Manfred von Richthofen in April 1918.

As Dr. Rocher’s Sopwith Camel went streaming down in flames towards the ground, the scientist-fighter pilot lamented, “Poor Sherrie. I guess I really should have eaten those mushrooms after all when I had the chance.”

Baron von Richthofen happened to overhear Dr. Rocher’s remarks as he flew by.

“Gee,” the Red Baron thought to himself, “those must have been awfully tasty mushrooms if they were the last thing on his mind before he left this Earth.”

A day later, the Red Baron in his scarlet coloured Fokker Triplane was wondering to himself where he could purchase those tasty mushrooms that had so gripped the final thoughts of his French RAF opponent.

The Baron was so distracted by his thoughts of mushrooms dancing in his head that he neglected to notice the Canadian pilot on his tail.

Von Richthofen ended up being shot down and killed himself.

“It looks like that will have been the last plate of sauerkraut and eggs and sausage that I’ll ever have,” the Red Baron contemplated his final breakfast as he went down.

Sherrielock Holmes was absolutely devastated when she heard the news of her husband Louis’ death. She was so upset that Sherrielock who was a dominatrix by profession ended up thoroughly tomatoing the buttocks of one of her clients British Prime Minister David Lloyd George when he came calling.

It was quite the long interval before Lloyd George took his seat in the British House of Commons again.

And so with thoughts of Lloyd George’s tomatoed bottom and mermaids’ fishy tails and “what a lovely pair of coconuts” human female tops, Sherrielock sat by the door and waited for her great-grandson and evening escort Dr. Cadbury Rocher to show up in the family limousine.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 7th
2017.

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