Dashwood Forrest and Mulligan The Irish Zombie On O’ Connell Street In Dublin
Dashwood Forrest and Mulligan The Irish Zombie On O’ Connell Street In Dublin
Dashwood Forrest and his manservant Mulligan the Irish ☘️ Zombie 🧟♂️ were having breakfast 🥞 🍳 in a restaurant at a hotel on O’ Connell Street in Dublin.
Mulligan was nursing a king sized hangover having drank too many glasses of Kilkenny Irish Cream Ale on the Hill of Tara in County Meath for Saint Patrick’s Day yesterday.
He did give away one of his glasses of Kilkenny to a golden cobra named Maitreya who was undergoing an old Celtic Pagan ritual to make the snake the High King of Ireland.
But he did so in a hypnotic state (which would be the only possible state in which Mulligan the Irish Zombie 🧟♂️ would give away an alcoholic beverage that happened to be in his possession).
“If you don’t mind my saying so, you look to be in awfully bad shape,” the waiter said to Mulligan.
“That’s because I’ve got a hangover,” Mulligan answered while drinking tomato juice laced with three raw eggs 🥚 and Worcestershire sauce.
“You also look to be dead,” the waiter remarked as some of Mulligan’s decomposing flesh fell on his breakfast plate of kipper and poached eggs.
“I am,” Mulligan started leaking tomato juice and Worcestershire sauce from his armpits, “I’m a zombie.”
“If you’re a zombie, then why aren’t you sitting in the Dail (Irish Parliament)?” The waiter asked.
“There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t ask myself that very question,” Mulligan was debating with himself on whether or not he should order a Guinness as he noticed the old antique clock on the hotel restaurant wall was only 1 minute away from 12 noon.
“Who raised you from the dead?” The waiter asked.
“It was a South African witch doctor called Dr. Sterling Makabo who raised me from the dead,” Mulligan cut himself a slice of kipper and put it on his fork, “although he had actually been hired to raise my neighbour who was buried next to me in the cemetery from the dead but his corpse was still at his wake. A wake that apparently went on for fourteen days I might add. So when my neighbour did not answer Doctor Makabo’s call, I decided to do so. With the result that I’m now living the life of Riley.”
“Riley was the name of the man in the grave next to him,” Dashwood Forrest explained, “the fellow that Dr. Makabo was supposed to raise from the dead but his body was still at his wake as his buddies had been drinking so much, they forgot to take him to both his funeral and burial services.”
“Only in Ireland 🇮🇪 would this happen,” the waiter shook his head.
“I would have to agree,” Dashwood Forrest smelled the rose in his lapel.
At that moment on the television in the restaurant, the image of British MP Renfield R. Renfield appeared to comment on Vladimir Putin’s landslide Presidential election 🗳 victory in Russia 🇷🇺.
As Renfield pointed to a photo of Putin and made Freemasonic death by disembowelling gestures with his hands that would send YouTube conspiracy theory channel hosts into a whirlwind of frenzy, Mulligan remarked to Dashwood Forrest, “There’s the fellow who saved me from drowning in a bowl of punch at your mermaid 🧜♀️ painting art exhibit in London last year.”
“Was that before or after you became a zombie 🧟♂️?” The waiter asked.
“After,” Mulligan replied, “My mortal pre-zombie life came to an end when I drowned in a vat of Guinness.”
And speaking of Guinness, the antique clock in the restaurant struck 12 noon.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday March 18th
2018.
Magog Rhys Petley On Saint Patrick’s Day
Magog Rhys Petley On Saint Patrick’s Day
Magog Rhys Petley
A Welsh werewolf he be
and British Labour MP
swept across the Irish Sea
landing on Irish shore
receiving kisses galore
from a pretty young Colleen
that was on the scene.
This revived him to life
after severe weather’s strife
so he took it on life’s chin
and headed off to Dublin
a fine old girl of a town
where pint o’ Guinness erases frown.
He spent many a fine and carefree day there
complimenting the ladies on their hair
He happened to meet Ukraine’s former PM
and thinking of Solomon’s concubine gem
He mistook Yulia Tymoshenko for a hooker
who walloped him with full force of a James Joyce booker
and so wearing Ulysses for a crown
sporting a black eye all around
he headed off to another town
where this time Murphy’s erased his frown.
He wandered across Ireland far and wide
said Hello to Galway’s tide
kissed the Blarney Stone and a young bride
as he ran to escape the angry groom
he tripped over a witch’s broom
in a strange place full of gloom
not far from Blarney Castle
so found this Welsh rascal
a place where the Druids did sacrifice
and we’re talking humans not mice.
Their best laid plans may go astray
in this wood where night swallows day
Magog saw with his very eyes
and heard the anguished cries
of a victim tied to a stone
the colour red was not jam on scone
The Druidish priest lowered his knife
and took away the Church clergyman’s life.
May Saint Patrick’s Faith be gone from this land
Restore our ancient religion so grand
the Druid priest spoke as the earth did quake
Magog looked down- at his foot a snake.
-A vampire novel chapter
written in the form of a poem
written by Christopher
Monday March 17th
2014
Dracul Van Helsing 
Magog En Route To Russia
April 6, 2014 at 4:54 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Vampire novel) (Britain, British Airways, British Foreign Secretary William Hague, British Labour Party leader Edward Miliband, British Prime Minister David Cameron, David Cameron, David Furnish, Dublin, Dublin Ireland, Edward Miliband, Enda Kenny, Ireland, Irish Taoiseach Enda Kenny, London, Magog Rhys Petley, Moscow, Rhys Petley, Russia, Russian President Vladimir Putin, Russian troops on Ukraine-Russia border, Sir Elton John, Sir Elton John and David Furnish, Ukraine, Ukraine crisis, Ukraine-Russia border, United Kingdom, vampire novel, Vladimir Putin, Welsh Werewolf, Westminster, William Hague)
Magog En Route To Russia
Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley was flying a British Airways flight from London to Moscow.
He was on a secret diplomatic mission for the British government.
He was flying to Moscow to meet Russian President Vladimir Putin and ask him on behalf of the British government to withdraw his troops from the Ukraine-Russia border.
When asked to do this by British Prime Minister David Cameron and British Foreign Secretary William Hague, Rhys Petley asked the two gentlemen, “And what should I offer Putin in return if he does do this?”.
“Use your imagination,” Hague retorted over his cup of tea.
So Magog Rhys Petley was carrying in his wallet a personally autographed copy of the official Engagement photo of Sir Elton John and his future husband David Furnish who would be wed next month under the new laws allowing same sex marriage ceremonies in England and Wales which recently took effect.
Magog would give Putin the photo if he withdrew his troops from the Ukraine-Russia border.
Magog figured he owed the British government this favour.
After all the British government had intervened with the Irish government in Dublin and asked them to drop criminal charges and release the backbench British Labour MP when he was arrested during a Dublin police raid that took place in a Dublin brothel in the late evening hours of Saint Patrick’s Day.
Magog had gone to the brothel to cure his depression and anxiety attacks after he had witnessed a live Druidic human sacrifice ceremony that had taken place earlier that night near Blarney Castle.
Although the tea-toddling Dublin police sergeant who ordered the raid was immediately fired by his superiors for having the audacity to wreck Saint Patrick’s Day celebrations by doing so, Irish prosecutors decided they better prosecute those arrested in the raid.
A quick call from British Prime Minister David Cameron to Irish Taoiseach Enda Kenny (after Cameron had heard the shocking news of Rhys Petley’s arrest in a Dublin bordello) led to the charges against the Welsh MP being discreetly dropped and Magog being discreetly released.
British Labour Party leader Edward Miliband had severely reprimanded his backbench MP when he had returned to his Westminster offices.
“What were you thinking being arrested inside a Dublin bordello?”
Miliband had asked him, “Our London bordellos aren’t good enough for you?”.
And so now Magog was on his way to Moscow to ask Vladimir Putin to kindly remove his troops from the Ukraine-Russia border.
Magog took a quick sip of brandy.
He sure hoped dear Vladimir liked the photo of Sir Elton John and his fiancé David Furnish.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday April 6th
2014.
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