Dulcinea Lucia and The Vampiric Knights-Templar

September 17, 2017 at 11:34 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Dulcinea Lucia and The Vampiric Knights-Templar

Once Private Eyes 👀 Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley decided to take the case for Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal and search for the 13 Vampiric Knights-Templar who survived French King 👑 Philip the Fair’s Friday October 13th 1307 raid on Jacques de Molay and his fellow Knights-Templars, they started where most Private Eyes would when confronted with such a case.

They went to see a gypsy fortune 🔮 teller.

And a young beautiful and sexy one at that.

Dulcinea Lucia the gypsy fortune teller of London’s Carnaby Street.

When they entered her shop, they discovered she was dressed like Elvira the popular American horror movie show hostess of the 1980s- a black evening dress slit at the sides from thigh to ankle, black silk pantyhose and black spiked stiletto high heeled shoes.

This would thus be an interview both men would enjoy.

Dulcinea Lucia told Agathor and Magog that the 13 Knights had managed to escape King Philip’s Friday the 13th raid by being in a Paris brothel at the time.

When informed of the raid, the 13 knights went south to the village of Rennes-le-Chateau in the Languedoc region of southern France 🇫🇷.

“Any idea, why there?” Agathor asked.

“One of Jesus’ cousins is buried in a grave there,” Dulcinea Lucia answered.

“The Jesus?” The Marxist atheist former Labour MP Magog raised an eyebrow.

“Yes,” Dulcinea Lucia answered.

“How did they become vampires?” Agathor asked.

“The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was in the village of Rennes-le-Chateau at the time,” Dulcinea Lucia answered, “she bit each man on the neck and turned them into vampires on the evening of October 23rd 1307 – 10 days after Philip the Fair’s Friday the 13th October raid on all the lodges and temples of the Knights-Templar in France.”

“And have those 13 Vampiric Knights-Templar survived since then?” Magog queried.

“7 of them were slain inside the Episcopalian Cathedral of St. John The Divine in New York City on Friday October the 13th 2006 while attending a Meatloaf concert being held at the central altar of the cathedral,” Dulcinea Lucia answered.

“The Meat Loaf?” Agathor asked.

“Yes,” Dulcinea Lucia nodded, “the one who sang Bat 🦇 Out of Hell, Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad, I’d Do Anything For Love and Rock And Roll 🎸 Dreams Come Through.”

“And they had a Meat Loaf concert right at the central altar?” Asked Magog who had visited the Episcopal Cathedral of Saint John The Divine in New York City with Agathor on their recent U.S. trip where they had encountered Shiva the Hindu god of destruction and transformation at that very same central altar.

“It was more of a Knights-Templar Illuminati satanic ceremony where they were going to sacrifice Meat Loaf to the Baphomet because Baphomet wanted both a singer and a meatloaf dish for his birthday so the Illuminati and the Knights-Templar were going to give him a 2 for 1 special,” Dulcinea Lucia opened her book of meatloaf recipes.

“And you said that 7 of the Vampiric Knights Templar were slain at that Friday the 13th October 2006 Meatloaf sacrifice ceremony in the Episcopal Cathedral of Saint John The Divine?” Agathor questioned.

“Yes, the 7 who attended the ceremony,” Dulcinea smoothed her dress, “the other 6 were still in their New York City 🌃 hotel rooms recovering from severe hangovers the night before- hangovers that saved their lives in the long run.”

“Who slew the 7 Vampire Knights that attended the ceremony?” Agathor asked.

“That was Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and the mighty Lakota Sioux vampire huntress Jennifer Cochran,” Dulcinea Lucia smiled, “both of them were Meat Loaf fans.”

“Of the singer or the dish?” Magog inquired.

“Both,” Dulcinea Lucia smiled and winked.

A bell went off in the kitchen behind her gypsy 🔮 ball reading room.

“If you’ll excuse me, gentlemen,” Dulcinea Lucia stood up, “my own meatloaf is ready. Unless you care to join me.”

They did.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday September 17th
2017.

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Nero and Assad

April 10, 2017 at 3:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The man drinking in the Rome taverna always told all who cared to listen that he once worked in the Vatican Antiquities Museum.

“I didn’t used to drink in those days,” he said to the disbelief of all, “until the night when I saw a ghostly violin… a violin that was only spectral in appearance… not a material violin… but an astrally projected violin up and leave the museum. Then I was let go for seeing it leave.”

“When was that?” asked the occasional bored taverna patron who pressed for more information.

“July 17th 2000,” the man replied.

. . .

Syrian President Bashar al-Assad (who had been in office since July 17th 2000) was talking to the spiritist medium Dulcinea Lucia who had flown in from London for the reading.

The gypsy Dulcinea Lucia (who was the goddaughter of Persephone the Greek goddess of the underworld) had special access to the spirits of Hades.

And Bashar al-Assad was anxious to talk to the spirit of the late Syrian Greek king Antiochus IV of the Seleucid dynasty (the man known to the world as Antiochus Epiphanes).

. . .

The Mossad agent they called the Controller of the Golem was in his office reading a document called the Otzar Midrashim that told the story of a Talmudic sage who received an angelic message regarding the coming of the Messiah.

He read,

“This will be for you a sign: when you see that the Nero of the East has fallen in Damascus, the kingdom of the east will fall, and then the salvation of Israel will grow, and the Messiah of the House of David will arrive and [the Jews] will go up to Jerusalem.” (Otzar Midrashim)

The Controller of the Golem wondered, is it possible that the current secularist tyrant Bashar al-Assad who rules Syria, was he the Nero of the East referred to in the Otzar Midrashim prophecy?

Nero and Assad

He looked up and saw the Egyptian vampiress Isis standing in front of him.

“Oh ye of little faith,” Isis spoke to him rebukingly, “do you not know that it is my husband Osiris who is your Messiah? Reach out to us for help. For you know that it is your old enemy Lilith who is trying to destroy you, the vampiress who poisoned your drink with Polonium-210 in London, the vampiress who has always worked behind the scenes for your people’s destruction. Only I and Osiris have the power to stop her. Even now, Lilith is in Damascus seeking your nation’s destruction. She is currently speaking with both Assad and the spirit of the Syrian Greek king Antiochus IV Epiphanes who sought your destruction centuries ago.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 10th
2017.

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Dracul Van Helsing and Sherrielock Holmes: The Nymph of The Blue Moon: A Poem

January 9, 2017 at 1:32 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Poetry, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dracul Van Helsing Canadian vampire hunter walked the streets of London
Dressed in his Philip Marlowe Private Eye style trenchcoat and fedora hat
that he always wore when he was feeling melancholy and reflective
A fan of 1940s horror, mystery, detective and film noir films
Dressing like Marlowe helped him battle his depression
The knight of Raymond Chandler’s stories
who wore not a suit of shining armour
but a private eye trenchcoat and fedora hat
when rescuing damsels in distress and battling evil and corruption
A 1940s southern California equivalent of the Spanish Don Quixote
representing knightly chivalry and ideas in ages that had long forgotten them

Now it was early January 2017
Donald Trump was about to be inaugurated President
Hillary Clinton was blaming the Russians for her electoral defeat
and satyr serial killing contract assassin Pan Goatee
was putting in excessively long hours of overtime
in his chosen vocation of making the world a more beautiful place to live
The only females who seemed to radiate any class or good taste these days
(and nights) were vampiresses
which made Dracul Van Helsing Vampire Hunter
glad that he didn’t slay vampiresses

Dracul recalled his New Year’s Eve this past stroke of midnight and year change
when he watched beautiful Assyrian women dancing
and so wished he could join them

The day after New Year’s he visited Dulcinea Lucia a gypsy fortune teller in London
to hear his future
“You shall meet an immortal,” Dulcinea Lucia told Dracul, “and you shall fall in love.”

“An immortal?” Dracul asked her, “A vampiress?”
“Not a vampiress,” Dulcinea shook her head.
“One of the goddesses of the ancient world returned to Earth perhaps?’ Dracul asked again.
“Not one of those goddesses,” Dulcinea shook her head.
“Then what sort of immortal?” Dracul asked a third question.
“I’m not sure,” Dulcinea looked puzzled and her crystal ball clouded up with the Cosmic Operator asking for more money.

Dracul declined to pay more and walked out into the wintery London night
He passed the window of a used book store
which had The Complete Stories of Sherlock Holmes in the window
Dracul loved Sherlock Holmes stories
The great immortal detective
Too bad that immortal didn’t have a sister who was both beautiful and brainy

Then this past evening of January 6th, Dracul had been invited to a masquerade ball
celebrating the 12th Day of Christmas
He decided to dress up as the Phantom of the Opera Erik
since these days and nights he felt as unloved as that poor creature

As he walked down the street in the falling snow, he happened to pass
Alexis Tsipras the Prime Minister of Greece
who was busy rubbing his rear end and screaming,
“My buns! Poor tomatoed buns! Will they ever lose their red rosy colour
in the light of day or the darkness of night?”

“Well, he’s been drinking too much Ouzo this evening,” Dracul thought to himself
Dracul then entered the place where the masquerade ball was being held
He wandered aimlessly through the house
until he entered a room where he saw the nymph of the Blue Moon

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 8th
2016

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Amadeus Gets A Cheesecake and Renfield Gets Walloped

May 11, 2016 at 5:39 pm (Comedy, Culture, Entertainment, Humour, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Amadeus Gets A Cheesecake and Renfield Gets Walloped

Amadeus Emanon was sitting in a London tea shop with the New Orleans songstress and stage actress vampiress Angelique Dumont.

“I hear this stage magician Salaman the Magician puts on a wonderful show,” Angelique said reading a review in one of the London entertainment weeklies.

“He does,” Amadeus nodded, “I saw him a couple of weeks ago. I’m still totally mystified as to how he does his tricks. Like nothing I’ve ever seen.
Even better than Houdini, David Copperfield and Criss Angel in my opinion.”

“You saw Salaman the Magician?” Angelique raised an eyebrow, “By yourself?”.

“No, I was with Dulcinea Lucia,” Amadeus replied.

“The gypsy fortune teller?” Angelique raised her other eyebrow.

“That’s right,” Amadeus nodded again.

“You went on a date with Dulcinea Lucia?” Angelique glared at Amadeus.

“That is correct,” Amadeus put some honey in his tea.

“But I thought you and I were an item,” Angelique’s face flushed as red as her rouge red lipstick and her dinner the night before.

“I didn’t know we were an item,” Amadeus Emanon looked as surprised as a child’s face on Christmas morning.

“You didn’t know we were an item?” Angelique grabbed a piece of cheesecake off a passing waiter’s tray and shoved it in Amadeus’ face.

“Speaking of items, I didn’t know cheesecake was on the menu,” Amadeus wiped the cheesecake off his face.

. . .

In another corner of the tea shop, Renfield R. Renfield had his eyes on a very attractive woman wearing a green evening dress.

Renfield had recently been advised by his co-worker and fellow employee at Set Enterprises Dr. Cadbury Rocher that he needed to be more subtle in his approach with women.

Not to come on so strong.

Renfield decided to try this new approach that he had never before attempted.

So he walked past the woman and sang in a loud operatic style baritone voice, “Birds do it, bees do it, even dogs and trees do it…”

Purses apparently do it as well.

Because Renfield found himself clobbered over the head with the woman’s rather heavy purse and found himself lying on the floor with the woman in the green evening dress stepping over him and leaving the restaurant.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 10th
2016.

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Renfield’s Mysterious Client

April 25, 2016 at 7:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Renfield’s Mysterious Client

As Amadeus Emanon ate his 33rd apple turnover and pondered an invitation from a friend to join the Freemasons, Renfield R. Renfield was eating a tuna fish sandwich.

“It looks like we may have to replace the weigh scale in the bathroom,” Amadeus stated.

“Why’s that?” Renfield asked.

“For some reason it broke when I stepped on it this morning,” Amadeus licked the icing off his fingers.

“That is strange,” Renfield picked up his copy of The Times of London and started reading about a mysterious new elephant appearing on the streets of London and yet there were no reports of an escape from the London Zoo.

“So I hear someone has hired you to do a hit job,” Amadeus opened his box of 3 dozen chocolate eclairs from the bakery.

“That’s right,” Renfield grinned, “I’m to track down the person or persons responsible for leaking the Panama Papers and to bump them off.”

“Who hired you?” Amadeus was starting to wonder why his belt was feeling so tight this evening.

“I’m sorry,” Renfield shook his head, “Under the terms of client/assassin confidentiality and privilege, I’m not allowed to reveal that information to you.”

“Oh,” Amadeus started licking the chocolate off his fingers.

“So I hear you’ve got a date with Dulcinea Lucia to go see a stage magician later this week,” Renfield said as a large chip and green monster appeared on his shoulder.

“That’s right,” Amadeus used a napkin to wipe the chocolate off his chin.

“So how come that sexy gypsy fortune teller always goes on dates with you but never with me?” Renfield’s face started turning as green as the grass at the height of spring.

“She says that you’re a hypersexualized serial adulterer,” Amadeus answered.

“Really?” Renfield was shocked, “I remember a few years ago some woman on my Facebook page accused me of being a hypersexualized serial adulterer.”

“Well, there you go,” Amadeus took a sip of chocolate milk.

“I wonder if there’s any truth to that,” Renfield pondered the question.

“No idea,” Amadeus shrugged.

Renfield went over to the living room bookshelf and took out the volume called Sigmund Freud’s Posthumously Written Dictionary of Post-Modern Psychiatric Conditions and looked up the term Hypersexualized Serial Adulterer and noticed his (Renfield’s) own photo alongside the definition of the term.

“Find it?” Amadeus inquired.

“Yes,” Renfield angrily sat down at the living room table and pouted.

“I wonder what the name of that magician is that Dulcinea Lucia wants me to see,” Amadeus finished his 36th chocolate eclair.

“No fucking idea,” Renfield fumed.

“Excuse me, sir,” Athelstan the butler and valet entered the living room and spoke to Renfield, “but there’s a call for you from 10 Downing Street on the secure phone line in the study.”

“Oh,” Renfield ran with great haste to the study.

“Hm,” Amadeus reached for his bucket of KFC as he was growing tired of having eaten nothing but sweets all day, “I wonder what 10 Downing Street is calling Renfield about.”

One of the world’s great mysteries.

Like how they get the Caramilk inside the Caramilk bar Amadeus thought to himself as he eyed the Caramilk chocolate bar Renfield had left behind on the table.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 25th
2016.

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Donald Trump: Making One’s Hair Stand On End

March 14, 2016 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Donald Trump: Making One’s Hair Stand On End

Gypsy fortune teller Dulcinea Lucia had had a strange dream overnight.

In the dream, she dreamed that she was in a radio station broadcast studio where U.S. Presidential candidate Donald Trump was making a guest appearance on the Coast-To-Coast AM radio show with George Noory.

The interview in the dream went like this:

George Noory: Now you have said on previous occasions that you considered running for President in 2012 against Barack Obama? The question I have for you is, why didn’t you do so?

Donald Trump: Well, George, I had seriously considered doing that. In fact I had decided to go ahead and do that. But then one night after a night of passionate love making with my current wife… who is… who is… who is…

George Noory (helping out) : Melania?

Donald Trump: Yes… Melania… thank you, George… yes after a night of wild passionate love making with… Melania… I was examining my hair in the mirror and then my hair started speaking to me in an audible voice…

George Noory: Wait a minute… let’s get this straight… you say, your hair started speaking to you in an audible voice?

Donald Trump: Yes, my hair started speaking to me in an audible voice… something which I found even more incredible than Oral Roberts seeing a 900-ft. Jesus after eating some wild mushrooms… I often wondered where he found a yardstick or a measuring tape long enough to measure him… but anyways, yes… my hair spoke to me in an audible voice.

George Noory: And what did your hair say to you?

Donald Trump: It told me not to run in 2012. It kept saying, “Wait until 2016. Wait until 2016.”

George Noory: Why 2016?

Donald Trump (unwrapping a fortune cookie and eating it on the air) : Because 2016 is the Year of the Monkey in the Chinese zodiac.

George Noory: Well so far this has been quite a hair raising interview with Donald Trump… we’ll be right back after this commercial message…

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 14th
2016.

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The Magician: Then and Now

March 10, 2016 at 8:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

The Magician: Then and Now

The magician looked into the reflecting pool of water.

He spoke words that had not been heard on earth in millennia, “Itha tubacca moya illaca lama saranamuth.”

The pool showed an image of an elderly Norwegian man Sigurd in a nursing home.

Sigurd flipped through his art books for the man had been an artist for most of his life.

The magician lowered his right hand into the reflecting bowl of water.

He chanted again in an unknown tongue.

Then he removed his hand out of the water.

In his hand he clutched a human heart and threw it into a bucket of human hearts.

The elderly Norwegian man Sigurd was found dead in his room in the nursing home.

The cause of death would be ruled heart attack.

The bucket of hearts the Magician would lay at the feet of the idol of an ancient deity.

. . .

An identical idol statue of the same deity the pagan worshipping Vatican Cardinal JM was praying to along with his personal secretary Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe.

Most of the time Cardinal JM and his assistant prayed to Ancient Greek gods but occasionally ancient Egyptian.

Tonight they were praying to a deity that was never worshipped by the ancient Egyptians.

Only feared.

The deity was the female demon Ammit known as the Eater of Hearts and the Devourer of the Dead.

She had the head of a crocodile, the upper torso of a lion and the lower torso of a hippopotamus.

“Amen,” Cardinal JM made the sign of an inverted cross.

Father Wardenclyffe managed to contort and twist his own body into a yogic position that made him resemble the figure of the Baphomet.

. . .

The beautiful and sexy dark eyed raven haired gypsy fortune teller Dulcinea Lucia was in her psychic reading shop on London’s Carnaby Street gazing into her crystal ball.

But the image she saw in her crystal ball was not of the future but of the past.

It was the image of practicing occultic Germanic Thule Society adept Dietrich Eckhart as he lay on his deathbed on the evening of December 26th 1923.

The last words of Eckhart were, “Follow Hitler! He will dance but it is I who have called the tune!”.

In a clock shop somewhere in London, an old clock that had a picture of Sir Winston Churchill on it suddenly stopped ticking.

In a museum in Berlin, a clock that had stopped ticking in April 1945 suddenly sprang to life again.

And somewhere on the globe, a high-flying falcon raised an eerie cry.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 10th
2016.

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Dulcinea Lucia and Kim Jong-un

January 7, 2016 at 7:34 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Dulcinea Lucia and Kim Jong-un

Gypsy fortune teller Dulcinea Lucia had a dream about the Far East as she lay in bed.

She dreamed she was in a theatre in Pyongyang the North Korean capital.

On stage suddenly appeared the North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un holding a microphone and dressed in a white tuxedo and doing the John Travolta Saturday Night Fever pose.

Behind Kim Jong-un, a map of America was projected on to the wall behind him.

Turning with his microphone towards the projected map of America, the North Korean dictator started to sing to the tune of the song Daisy A Day,

” I’ll give you an H-bomb a day, dear
I’ll give you an H-bomb a day
I’ll bomb you until the rivers run red
And the flesh off your dead bodies melts away…”

On the floor of the stage where the Hermit Kingdom’s psychopath-in-chief sang, a severed charcoal burnt Black Hand single handedly vigourously applauded with its fingers and thumb.

Dulcinea Lucia woke up screaming.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 6th
2016.

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Dulcinea Lucia And The Vatican Cardinal

September 19, 2015 at 6:51 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Dulcinea Lucia And The Vatican Cardinal

The gypsy fortune teller Dulcinea Lucia lay on the sofa in the living room of the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

She had no cab fare to get home.

Renfield R. Renfield had invited her over to give him a private fortune telling reading.

It turned out that he wanted her to examine more than his palms.

So she had hit him over the head with an ancient clay tablet that listed the sexual escapades of the Greek god Zeus.

It had knocked Renfield out- probably for the next several hours.

In the meantime, she hoped either Amadeus Emanon or Athelstan the butler or some other person more civilized than Renfield (including the vampire Set who was best known for bodily dismembering his brother Osiris) would get home to the mansion soon to give her cab fare to get home to her own home.

She lay on the sofa in the low-cut red mini dress that Renfield had requested she’d wear for this occasion.

She fell asleep.

And dreamed a dream.

In the dream, she saw the Vatican Cardinal Walter Kasper whom she had once seen in a television interview.

In the dream, Cardinal Kasper did a little dance and sang to the tune of Monty Python’s Lumberjack Song,

“Oh, I’m a heretic and I’m okay
I read my Bible the Raymond Brown way
Don’t take it seriously, it just don’t pay
‘Till you get ’round to Judgement Day…”

Dulcinea Lucia was awakened by a sudden clap of thunder and flash of lightning.

She then heard Amadeus Emanon and Athelstan walk in through the door.

Renfield could be heard mumbling to himself as he lay on the floor, “Did anybody get the license plate number of that white swan?”.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 18th
2015.

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Amadeus’ Dream of Three Bruces

August 11, 2015 at 6:39 pm (Culture, Entertainment, History, News, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Amadeus’ Dream of Three Bruces

Despite Black Dragon Society conspiracy theorist Daniel Hyperion Sturm’s warnings about not using the Internet before bedtime, Amadeus Emanon had foolishly done so.

And as a result, he was having weird dreams.

Though of course not as weird as Renfield in the bedroom adjacent across the hall who likewise had been using the Internet before bedtime and was now dreaming about being in a Turkish steam bath with porn stars Akira Lane, Nicole Oring and Mika Tan.

Amadeus was dreaming that he and Renfield were sitting in the living room listening to BBC World News on the radio.

BBC Announcer: And those were the words of Miss Caitlyn Jenner, formerly Mr. Bruce Jenner, christening the new Disney cruise ship The Goddess Cybele… In other news, Caitlyn Jenner’s daughter Kylie Jenner has apparently adopted a pet rabbit and named it Bruce.

Amadeus: Wow. I wonder what Sigmund Freud would have to say about that?

Renfield (downing a bottle of Kraken black rum): It might have been more ominous if she had named the rabbit Elektra or Orestes.

BBC Announcer: This bulletin just in… Kylie Jenner has taken her pet rabbit Bruce to see a New Age veterinary guru in Beverly Hills who claims she has the power to communicate telepathically with animals. After silently communicating with the gray rabbit Bruce, New Age guru Miss Kellog S. Flakes said that Bruce had told her that he was really a female rabbit trapped in a male body and that he wanted to undergo veterinary transgender therapy, become a female rabbit, change his/her name to Caitlyn and become the Playboy bunny he/she always desired to be…

Renfield (spewing the Kraken black rum out of his mouth to the goldfish tank on the other side of the room making the goldfish look a lot happier): Good God.

BBC Announcer: Closer to home here in London, the ghost of Scotland’s extremely late King Robert the Bruce spoke to reporters while being channeled through Carnaby Street spiritist gypsy medium Dulcinea Lucia…

Voice of Scotland’s Robert The Bruce (speaking in a thick Scottish brogue while being channeled through Dulcinea Lucia) : Well as you know, we Scots in our day (although there’s nothing wee about us) used to wear kilts much of the time so nobody could have possibly guessed that I was in fact a cross-dresser… a female trapped in a male body. If William Wallace had known, he’d have probably personally impaled his braveheart on Edward I’s English sword…

BBC Announcer: Robert the Bruce added that from henceforth, he desires to be known as Roberta the Caitlyn…

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 11th
2015.

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