Harvey Tallbanger Meets Egyptian Vampiress On The Eiffel Tower

July 10, 2019 at 10:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Romance, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Harvey Tallbanger Meets Egyptian Vampiress On The Eiffel Tower

After a successful month of intelligence gathering for the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set this past June, Set Enterprises’ secret agent and spy the 6 foot 8 invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger was taking some much needed r and r.

He decided to go to Paris the City of Lights for a few days as he was quite fond of the city.

Tonight he was having dinner atop the Eiffel Tower in a very lovely restaurant located there.

He was enjoying a glass of champagne when he was suddenly spotted by the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis:

Isis with drink and iPhone and elegant watch in hand approached the tall bunny rabbit who was clearly visible on this lovely and enchanting Parisienne evening having turned his Dr. Cadbury Rocher prototype ViewMaster on (which made him visible).

“So you’re Harvey Tallbanger the world’s most famous bunny rabbit secret agent?” Isis sat across from him.

“I am,” Tallbanger bowed, “and you are?”.

“I am the Vampiress Isis,” the beautiful vampiress answered, “your boss Set’s rival, arch enemy, sister and sister-in-law.”

“Yes, I heard my boss had a falling out with your side of the family,” Tallbanger sipped his champagne, “I hear you and his brother (your husband) Osiris and his nephew (your son) Horus have it in for him.”

“And with justifiable reasons,” Isis flashed her vampiric incisors.

“What big teeth you have,” Harvey recalled lines from his favourite fairy tale, “I regrettably do not have a family to fight with as I was genetically created in Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s lab at Set Enterprises. It was seeing the 1950 Jimmy Stewart movie Harvey that gave Dr. Rocher the idea.”

“Why don’t you come and work for me?” Isis touched his rabbit’s foot for luck.

“Well I am under contract to Set for another 3 years,” Tallbanger noted, “and I don’t become a free agent spy until then.”

“It was rather unfair for Set to bring you out of the blue like that at last year’s secret agent and spy draft in Las Vegas,” Isis seethed, “The only reason he got first round draft pick was because of some deal he made years ago in which he traded Stormy Daniels to the Russians for last year’s first round draft pick.”

“It was my understanding that Vladimir Putin was able to achieve quite a great deal of success with that deal,” Tallbanger helped himself to some Russian caviar.

“Putin is a master chess player,” Isis finished her drink and waved to the waiter for another.

“I’ve been told you’re a master chess player as well,” Tallbanger ordered a tequila sunrise.

“Thank you,” Isis smiled at him, “and I intend to make use of a knight.”

“A lovely night for it,” Tallbanger commented.

Isis raised her glass in toast.

-A vampire novel chapterĀ 
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 10th
2019.

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Ernest Hemingway and The Vampiress In Red- A Poem

February 19, 2017 at 4:43 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Poetry, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

At his apartment window
he sat at the old typewriter
cigarette in his mouth
a glass of bourbon at his right hand

From his window he could see the Eiffel Tower
and the surrounding lights
Paris the City of Lights they called it
a most apt description

A bat flew in through the window
The hazards of having the window open
Hemingway reflected
He saw the bat heading towards the sofa
land on it
and turn into a beautiful Egyptian woman
in a lovely scarlet red evening dress

“My doctor said this might happen
if I didn’t stop drinking heavily”
Hemingway grabbed the bottle
and put it away in a bottom desk drawer
He was going to throw the contents
of the glass
on to the streets below
then thought better of it,
“It seems a pity to waste such good bourbon
on such unappreciative cobblestone”

He downed the glass’ contents in one quick swoop
“That’s the last drink I’ll ever take”
Hemingway announced to Paris and the world.
A sudden gust of wind entered the room
causing his dresser and mirror to shake
making it appear that his reflection
was laughing at him.

“I am quite real, Mr. Hemingway,”
said the beautiful Egyptian woman
in the red dress.
“I’m happy to hear that,”
Hemingway replied,
“it encourages me to take a second look
at this evening’s vow of abstinence.” .
“Abstinence from what, Mr. Hemingway?’
the vampiress Isis raised her dress
above her thighs
showing lovely pantyhose clad legs.

“Abstinence from drinking,” Hemingway replied,
“I’ve made no other pledge
in the past 24 hours,
past 24 minutes
or past 24 seconds.”

“I’m happy to hear that,”
the woman smiled showing lovely vampiric incisors.
“What big teeth you have, Grandma,” said Hemingway.
Isis laughed, “The better to bite you with, my dear.
I am Grandma times one thousand. I am Isis.”
“The goddess?” Hemingway asked.
“Very much the goddess,” Isis lay back on the sofa.
“Then let me worship at thine altar,”
Hemingway lay down on top of her
and kissed her breasts.

. . .

In a little Parisienne cafe
the vampire Set sat
after an evening spent
with Josephine Baker
Set was busy playing a game of chess
by himself

“I see you’ve got the black queen,”
Isis remarked
as she looked down
at the chess board.
Set looked up
into the eyes
of his sister and sister-in-law Isis.
“But I just took the white knight,”
Isis removed a chess piece off the board.

“How long shall we play this cosmic game
of chess, sister?” Set asked.
“Until there are no pieces left on the board,”
Isis answered.

When the light of dawn filtered through
the windows of the cafe,
no piece remained on the chess board
and all the players had gone home.

-A narrative poem
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 9th
2017.

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The Death and Return of Apollo

January 6, 2017 at 5:33 pm (Fantasy, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Mythology, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

In the year 390 AD, the Temple of Apollo at Delphi was destroyed under the Emperor Theodosius the Great who made Nicene Christianity the official state Church of the Roman Empire.

“I’m so depressed,” the Greek god Apollo had wept to the Ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith.

Lilith could see that Apollo had a broken heart so she gave him some poisoned Babylonian grapes that were capable of killing an Olympian immortal like Apollo.

Following the death of Apollo in 390 AD, the ancient Greco-Roman religion (itself in decline for several decades now since the Emperor Constantine’s victory at the Battle of the Milvian Bridge in 312 AD) rapidly died out so that there were very worshipers of the old Greco-Roman gods left by the time Theodosius himself died in 395 AD.

Zeus and the other Olympians went into the shadows and no more publicly acted in the domain of mortal men and women.

Apollo was buried on Mount Parnassus after his death but his tomb became lost to both god and man after a small quake shook Mount Parnassus.

Then in the year 2012 AD on the night of the summer solstice that year, Apollo’s tomb on Mount Parnassus was discovered by the French archaeologist vampire Dr. Pompidou De Gaulle (whose expeditions were sponsored by the Egyptian vampiress Isis) after sundown.

Apollo’s body was then flown to a medical lab in Berlin since German doctors in their pompous arrogance thought they could bring Apollo back from the dead.

They were mistaken and the medical team drowned their sorrows in gallons of sauerkraut and Bavarian beer.

Even famed South African witch doctor Sterling Makabo (famous for bringing people and animals back from the dead as zombies) could not raise Apollo.

Said Makabo, “Those poisonous ancient Babylonian grapes were quite effective in killing immortals dead… permanently.”

Dr. Sterling Makabo’s statement, even though it sounded like an ad for a TV commercial, turned out to be quite true.

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith who was contacted on her smart phone (while shopping for high-heels and dresses in a leading Parisienne fashion house) said as far as she knew (and she had been alive for some 6000 years now even though she didn’t look a day over 30), there was no antidote to the poisonous ancient Babylonian grapes.

So in 2012, Apollo’s father Zeus grieved.

It looked like nothing could bring his son Apollo back from the dead (so only Hades alone would be able to enjoy the playing of Apollo upon his lyre).

. . .

Top 1000 National Enquirer Stories of 2016-

Top National Enquirer story #666 : Set Enterprises’ Resident Mad Scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher Brings Mossad Agent The Controller of the Golem Back From The Dead After Ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith Had Poisoned Controller’s Scotch Whiskey With Polonium-210

. . .

Christmas Day 2016- The ancient Greek god Zeus paid a visit to Set Enterprises’ resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher to see if he could develop an antidote to the ancient Babylonian poisonous grapes that had killed Apollo.

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith (wearing a lovely red evening dress) accompanied Zeus and presented Dr. Rocher with a sample of the ancient poisoned Babylonian grapes that she had fed Apollo many centuries ago to permanently end his heartbreak.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Dr. Rocher promised.

. . .

January 5th 2017 (Eve of the Epiphany on the Catholic Church calendar)-

Dr. Cadbury Rocher put the possible antidote (which he had created in the form of red wine) into a golden chalice and handed it to the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith (who was now dressed in an even more resplendent red evening dress).

Lilith took the chalice and opened the Greek god Apollo’s lips and poured the red wine antidote (to the poisonous ancient Babylonian grapes) down his throat.

Apollo sputtered and choked and opened his eyes and said, “God, that’s good stuff.”

“He’s alive,” his father Zeus shouted with joy.

. . .

January 6th 2017- It was Sherlock Holmes’ 163rd birthday and Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s beautiful and incredibly sexy great-grandmother the immortal dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ lesser-known twin sister) was dressed in an equally resplendent tight-fitting red leather mini dress and awaiting a European political leader.

Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras entered her quarters.

“Alexis,” she smiled at him and addressed him as if he were a naughty schoolboy and she his so-sexy and so strict school teacher, “I have a surprise for you. Well, two surprises actually.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 6th
2017.

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Sherrielock Holmes Reflects On The Vampiress Showdown At Sundown

December 20, 2016 at 5:14 pm (Ghost Story, Humour, Romance, The Supernatural, western) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Sherrielock Holmes Reflects On The Vampiress Showdown At Sundown

Things quieted down in Hayden, Colorado after the Aztec gold was dug up and stolen by a group of marauding Mormons who took it to Utah with them.

This later gave American forensic geologist Scott Wolter something to do for his early 21st Century TV show America Unearthed.

Since there was no longer any reason to stay in Hayden, Isis flew back to Paris by way of New York and Qonzilqointec returned to Mexico City by way of San Francisco.

“At last, peace and quiet,” Sherrielock sighed to herself as she lay in bed.

She might finally be able to get to sleep at night.

-A western vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 28th
2016.

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Qonzilqointec vs. Isis: The Vampiress Showdown At Sundown

December 19, 2016 at 4:20 pm (Ghost Story, Humour, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, western) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Qonzilqointec vs. Isis: The Vampiress Showdown At Sundown

The Egyptian vampiress Isis was none too pleased that one of the gold bars her archaeologist found had been stolen by the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec (although Qonzilqointec claimed Aztec reclamation).

“This means war,” Isis seethed.

It wasn’t long before the showdown.

As Howard Cosell might have called it had he been alive at the time, The Showdown After Sundown.

Dressed in elaborate Parisienne and Madrid made evening gowns with holsters tied around their waists, they stood (in spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes) facing one another.

Inside each holster was a hawthorne wooden stake- guaranteed to kill the Undead dead.

Or so the sign read down at Van Helsing’s Lumber Yard in town.

Both Isis and Qonzilqointec had purchased their stakes without bothering to ask if there was a money back guarantee.

The town’s sheriff called out, “Draw.”

Each vampiress quickly pulled the stake out of their respective holsters and threw it at the other.

Qonzilqointec’s stake hit and broke Isis’ right vampiric incisor tooth.

“Oh Great God Ra, that’s going to cost me a fortune in dental work,” Isis moaned.

The town dentist stood rubbing his hands in glee.

Isis’ stake hit and struck Qonzilqointec’s left breast.

“Oh great Quetzalcoatl, it’s going to cost me a fortune to get that scar removed,” Qonzilqointec moaned.

The town doctor (who had a breast fetish) stood rubbing his hands in glee.

Belvedere who was busy eating a heavily garlic laced onion soup noticed that the two vampiresses were keeping away from him (of course so was everyone else for that matter).

-A western vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 28th
2016.

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Qonzilqointec Confronts French Archaeologist Pompidou De Gaulle

December 17, 2016 at 2:27 pm (Ghost Story, Humour, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, western) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Qonzilqointec Confronts French Archaeologist Pompidou De Gaulle

“This gold bar has the seal of Montezuma on it,” French archaeologist Pompidou De Gaulle pointed out to Belvedere.

“It doesn’t look like a seal from pictures I’ve seen of them,” Belvedere looked puzzled, “I thought a seal kind of looked like an otter sorta.”

“You’re thinking of those sea mammals that eat fish and bark a lot,” De Gaulle glared at Belvedere, “A seal in this case refers to a special symbol used to represent the authority of the Aztec Emperor Montezuma.”

“I’ll take that gold bar if you don’t mind, Dr. Pompidou De Gaulle,” the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec entered the saloon wearing a gold evening dress, “after all, it belongs to my people.”

“Your people?” Dr. Pompidou De Gaulle was astonished.

“The Aztecs,” she smiled her vampiric incisors at the Frenchman, “Do you know what we did to our sacrificial victims?”.

“Didn’t you tear their living still beating hearts out of their chests and eat them?” Dr. De Gaulle gulped.

“Yes,” she stepped closer to the archaeologist.

“I don’t think Miss Sherrielock appreciates blood on the saloon floor unless it’s in the dominatrix whipping dungeon downstairs,” Belvedere spoke up, “You’re going to have to step outside.”

Dr. Pompidou De Gaulle ran out the door.

Qonzilqointec turned into a bat and followed him out the door.

“I’m going to have to cut down on eating the chef’s wild mushroom soup special,” Belvedere remarked upon seeing the vampiress’ transformation from sexy human to winged flying mammal.

-A western vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 28th
2016.

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Renfield Wants To Do A TV Ad

March 21, 2015 at 6:26 pm (Entertainment, TV Commercials, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Renfield Wants To Do A TV Ad

Renfield R. Renfield was sporting a huge bruise as a result of being hit over the head by a spiked stiletto high-heeled shoe wielded by the Egyptian Vampiress Isis this past Thursday night.

It was a good thing he had been wearing a wig that made him look like Bruce Jenner on a bad hair day or otherwise the bruise might have been even worse.

“I wonder why Jaguar never asked me to do a TV commercial advertising their cars like they did Dr. Cadbury Rocher,” Renfield mused aloud as he held a beef steak over his head.

“Don’t know,” Amadeus Emanon shrugged as he watched the frozen beef steak melting on Renfield’s forehead.

“I think I’d be excellent at doing commercials,” sighed Renfield.

“Well you have the ability to shapeshift into a hamster, why don’t you apply to do a TV ad for KIA motors since they have hamsters in their TV commercials?” Amadeus suggested.

“That’s an excellent idea,” Renfield went over to his computer to google the nearest KIA motors dealership.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday March 21st
2015.

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Isis Stabs Sir Elton John In The Back

March 19, 2015 at 6:36 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, International Intrigue, News, TV Commercials, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Isis Stabs Sir Elton John In The Back

The Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis was having dinner with a British cabinet minister in an exclusive London restaurant.

They were discussing the upcoming British general election, the state of Anglo-French relations, the emerging German domination of the European Union and the possibility of an Entente forming between Greece and Russia.

Spying on them and eavesdropping at the next table was Renfield R. Renfield the Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Isis’ arch-enemy the London-based ancient Egyptian Vampire Set.

To escape the Vampiress Isis’ recognition and detection, Renfield had disguised himself by dressing up to look like Bruce Jenner if he/she was having a bad hair day.

“Didn’t the noted sanity challenged scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher work for you for a while?” The British cabinet minister asked Isis.

“He did,” Isis admitted, “but that nasty swine of a shapeshifting hamster/ human Renfield snatched him back to work for the Vampire Set again.”

Renfield quickly sprayed some more Febreze air freshener on his wig as a make-shift hairspray.

“Plus I see Dr. Cadbury Rocher is now doing TV commercials for Jaguar automobiles,” Isis put some red lipstick on her already blood red lips.

“He is?” The British cabinet minister seemed surprised.

“Yes,” Isis applied some more jet black mascara to her already jet black eyelashes, “the one where he takes a cylinder shaped glass elevator down to his secret laboratory brimming with automobiles and announces to the world “The devil is in the details” and then says “Oh yes, there’s method to my madness” as he drives away in either a red or a white Jaguar depending on which ad is being shown.”

“Now, that you mentioned it, I guess I have seen that commercial,” the cabinet minister sipped his Brandy.

Renfield silently seethed at the next table and wondered why he had never been asked to do a TV ad for Jaguar as he ragingly spilled hot chocolate over his formerly white blouse.

“That’s a lovely gown you’re wearing,” the cabinet minister admired Isis’ scarlet red evening dress.

“Thanks,” Isis smiled, “It’s a Dolce Gabbana.”

“That’s a Dolce Gabbana?” The minister put on his spectacles to get a better look down the front of her dress.

“Yes, Dolce Gabbana,” Isis nodded.

“Well, you’re certainly going to lose the admiration of Sir Elton John and his synthetic children over that,” Renfield piped up from the next table.

To be continued.

– A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 19th
2015.

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Osiris In Rome

January 31, 2015 at 5:21 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Mythology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Osiris In Rome

The ancient Egyptian vampire Osiris had had quite an interesting time the past several millenia.

First he had been cut up into 14 pieces by his jealous brother Set.

Then he had been resurrected again by his wife and sister Isis.

But his phallus was still missing.

So then he was given a wooden phallus that with a sprinkling of a little cosmic Egyptian magic and witchcraft, he was able to use to impregnate Isis who gave birth to their son Horus.

Then the ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith (who was history’s first vampire of either sex) turned the whole family into vampires.

That would have been fine if it had just been him Osiris and Isis and Horus.

Unfortunately she turned his evil brother Set into a vampire as well.

When Set staged a coup in Egypt and put one of his own disciples in as Pharaoh, Isis and Osiris fled to the kingdom of Tyre.

Osiris posed as an architect named Hiram Abiff.

While in Tyre, King Hiram sent him off to Jerusalem to build a temple for the Tyrian king’s good Israelite friend and ally King Solomon.

In the meantime, Set’s spies had discovered that Osiris was posing as a Tyrian architect named Hiram Abiff and was busy building a Temple in Jerusalem.

So Set sent three ruffians to murder Hiram Abiff.

Ostensibly to discover the secret password of a master mason- which Osiris as Hiram Abiff naturally refused to give.

Thus the three ruffians slew Hiram Abiff.

And of course once again Osiris had to be resurrected.

This time Isis resurrected Osiris using a severed lion’s paw and a magical spell used in forbidden magical practices of the ancient Israelite tribe of Dan.

She used the Lion’s Paw from the Tribe of Dan to grip the hand of Osiris’ dead body and bring his soul back from the Underworld to re-unite with his body.

The Lion’s Paw then raised Osiris up from his coffin.

“Remember one thing,” the dark arts practicing magician from the Tribe of Dan had told Isis, “the only thing that might be capable of destroying the Lion’s Paw of the Lion of the Tribe of Dan is the power of the Lion’s Paw of the Lion of Judah.”

Isis had no idea what the Danite dark arts magician was talking about and just took the Danite Lion’s Paw.

So Osiris was resurrected from the dead and went on to build the Temple of Solomon.

The Vampiress Isis slept with Solomon the night the Temple was dedicated in 953 BC.

Isis also arranged for her good friend the Phoenician Vampiress Ashtoreth to sleep with Solomon as well.

Osiris meanwhile had returned to Egypt.

He was captured by members of Set’s Imperial Bodyguard.

Set then used a black magic spell to send Osiris through a celestial gate way and portal to a planet near the star Sirius.

The black magic spell itself expired on what would be the date of December 21st 2012 on the Gregorian calendar (a fact that would affect the consciousness of the Aztec, Mayan and Hopi Indians) and Osiris could return to Earth on that date.

In the meantime, Horus plotted revenge against his uncle Set for what the evil being had done to his father.

Horus and a group of followers captured Set and, using an Egyptian black magic spell, buried Set alive in a tomb for several millenia.

The tomb was finally unsealed on November 11th, 1918 at 11:00 AM Greenwich time (the same hour the Great War Armistice came into effect).

Set escaped the tomb and eventually fled to England where he became a City of London financial and investment advisor.

He made a killing in the Wall Street markets of the 1920s.

And as a silent partner and backer of Chicago mobster Al Capone during the Prohibition era, he made even more killings.

Set acting on a tip wisely pulled his own money out of the U.S. stock market prior to the crash of October 1929.

During the 1930s, Set helped finance the rise to power of Hitler and the Nazis in Germany- a fact which led Winston Churchill to sit on opposite ends of the room from Set at their respective London clubs.

It was very fortunate for Set that, in the first post VE-Day British general election that was held in July, 1945, Clement Attlee’s Labour Party won a landslide victory.

It would have been big trouble for Set had Churchill won.

As it was, Set was one of the few big businessmen who prospered in Britain’s post-war emerging Welfare State under the leadership of Prime Minister Clement Attlee a modest man whom Churchill described as having “a lot to be modest about”.

When the British Conservatives under Sir Winston Churchill returned to power after the 1951 general election in the UK, Set by then was too powerful a figure in the British financial establishment for Churchill to mess with.

As for Osiris, he did return to Earth in a spaceship on December 21st 2012.

The interdimensional portal he entered through was located at Vancouver’s English Bay on Canada’s West Coast.

Unfortunately for him, the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl was trying to use the same interdimensional portal at the same time to land on Earth.

The two spaceships Osiris One (carrying Osiris from a planet near the star Sirius) and Quetzalcoatl Too (carrying Quetzalcoatl from Saturn’s Moon Titan) had a major mid-air collision just above Vancouver’s English Bay on the night of December 21st 2012.

A Russian nuclear submarine in the waters of English Bay at the time fired a laser death ray at the two spacecraft vaporizing both craft and their occupants.

Captain Nikolai Soloviev the commander of the submarine who had fired the laser death ray later left the Russian Naval service.

Captain Soloviev (a dead ringer for the late Russian Czar Nicholas II) then got a job appearing in TV commercials for Hotels.com an on-line hotel booking agency.

Captain Soloviev played a wise-cracking smart ass captain named Captain Obvious who had a “brilliant grasp of the obvious” as Sherlock Holmes might put it and made totally obvious wise-cracking smart ass remarks in the commercials.

Now it so happened at the time of the Russian sub laser death ray attack on the two spacecraft that a Swiss scientist Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius was on the beach at Vancouver’s English Bay along with his small-scale replica working model of the CERN Large Hadron Collider.

Dr. Celsius used his replica Hadron Collider to gather up the particles and atoms of the two disintegrated spaceships and their celebrity deity extraterrestrial occupants.

The Collider container and its contents of particles and atoms were then shipped to the Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis’ secret laboratory below Notre Dame Cathedral in the City of Lights.

Dr. Celsius was invited to oversee a team of scientists working day and night to put the particles and atoms back together again.

After working for almost 2 years with no results to show for it, Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius was finally pushed to his death from the top of Notre Dame’s bell tower by the Vampiress Isis this past October 1st as a pre-Christmas bonus for his efforts.

Isis then hired the noted British scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher to oversee the team and see if he could put her husband Osiris’ sub-atomic particles back together again.

Dr. Rocher had been working as the chief scientist for her rival and arch-enemy the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

But the two had a falling out when Set suddenly slashed a vast sum of money from Dr. Rocher’s laboratory research budget in order to maintain a high profit margin for Set Enterprises for the fiscal quarter.

Isis used the falling out to hire Dr. Rocher to work for her.

Dr. Rocher was able to successfully put Osiris’ sub-atomic particles back together and resurrect the vampiric deity this past Halloween.

Unfortunately for poor Osiris, he was once again resurrected sans phallus.

This naturally put a strain on Isis and Osiris’ cosmic re-union.

The two were now living separately again (though not light years apart as they had been for the past 3 millenia).

She continued to live in her luxurious penthouse apartment in Paris.

Osiris had found himself a nice little apartment in Rome, Italy with a good view of the Colosseum.

Osiris greeted the night as he flung open the tapestry curtains of his Rome apartment.

He had been told by various people when he announced that he was moving to Rome to “when in Rome, do as the Romans do.”

He thought though that maybe watching the sun rise above the Aventine Hill might prove somewhat hazardous to his health.

So he grabbed his brochure of Rome and wondered if there were any nighttime tours of the Sistine Chapel.

He would see for himself just what this Last Judgement of Michelangelo’s was that people were raving about.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
during the period
January 8th
to
January 28th
2015.

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The Halloween Resurrection of Osiris

October 31, 2014 at 11:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, Mystery/horror, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Halloween Resurrection of Osiris

Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was at Interpol’s International Headquarters in Lyon, France.

He was viewing some videos on his office computer.

For a while now, Whitstable suspected that the Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis was up to something in her secret laboratory below Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris.

His suspicions heightened when he videotaped the Vampiress Isis pushing Swiss scientist Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius to his death off the bell tower of Notre Dame Cathedral on the 1st of this month.

Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius landed on top of a Paris street corner poetry reciter who was reciting John Donne’s poem on For Whom The Bell Tolls at the time killing the poetic thespian in the process.

As Peter Whitstable was busy videotaping the whole thing and uploading it to his YouTube account, a young French woman standing next to him was busy calling 112 (the French emergencyonumber equivalent of the North American 911 emergency number) on her cell phone.

Whitstable saw the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec fly by as he was videotaping (quite literally fly by for the sexy evening dress wearing Vampiress suddenly turned from a beautiful woman into a midnight black vampire bat).

Then last Friday evening the 24th of October as he sat in a Parisienne cafe enjoying some fresh oysters and sipping champagne, he videotaped the Vampiress Isis having filet mignon and red Bordeaux wine with Dr. Cadbury Rocher the Chief Research Scientist for Set Enterprises in London.

He gathered while eavesdropping on their conversation that Dr. Cadbury Rocher no longer worked for the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian Vampire Set.

Apparently a dinner of steak and lobster, steak tartare and la viande de cheval at the St. James’ Court Hotel main dining room in London had gone horribly wrong the evening of Wednesday October 22nd 2014.

The result was Dr. Cadbury Rocher stood up at the table, quit his job and left (sticking the Vampire Set with the cheque).

As he exited, Dr. Rocher said he saw Dr. Henry Kissinger sitting at a table and overheard him tell former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin on his cell phone that she should really buy herself a nuclear radioactive protection suit and start learning Russian.

“We will deal with the Russians when the appropriate time comes,” Isis ground her Black Sea oyster into fine dust with her bright gold painted fingernails.

Dr. Rocher had accepted Isis’ dinner table offer to come work for her.

On condition that she provide him with the necessary funding for his latest pet project Pegasus- an effort to genetically create the winged horse of Classical Greek mythology.

Isis agreed but first Dr. Rocher must for her re-assemble the sub-atomic particles of her brother, husband and lover Osiris and put them back together again.

Osiris had been vapourized into non-existence by a laser death ray fired at his returning spaceship by a Russian submarine when he attempted to return to Earth on December 21st 2012.

Hence Isis’ intense hatred of Vladimir Putin’s Russia.

. . .

Cardinal JM was gazing at a mysterious envelope placed on his desk in his Vatican office.

He did not recognize the handwriting on the envelope.

And he had no idea who put it there.

For his own personal secretary Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe had gone down to Rome’s Sexually Transmitted Diseases Clinic for some reason.

Cardinal JM used his 3-headed dog Cerberus letter opener to open the envelope.

He reached inside.

What he read shocked him.

For it purported to be the text of The Third Secret of Fatima.

Although Cardinal JM did not personally believe in the apparitions of the Blessed Virgin Mary said to have appeared to three shepherd children near the village of Fatima, Portugal on 6 different occasions from May 13th to October 13th 1917 (although he never publicly expressed those views aloud during the pontificates of Popes John Paul II and Benedict XVI), what he read still intrigued him immensely.

Ever since Italian journalist Antonio Socci published his book The Fourth Secret of Fatima back in 2006, people had always wondered about Socci’s claim that it was only the “vision” associated with the Third Secret that the Vatican had released to the public back on June 26th 2000.

In the previous Two Secrets of Fatima, there were visions that the 3 children at Fatima were alleged to have seen and then there were accompanying texts- words alleged to have been spoken by the Virgin Mary to the 3 children explaining what the visions meant.

But in the Third Secret that the Vatican released back in 2000, there was only a “vision”- a vision of a Bishop dressed in white climbing up a steep mountain at the top of which was a big Cross of rough-hewn trunks- while climbing the mountain, the Bishop in White passed through a big city half in ruins and when he reached the top of the mountain- as he was on his knees at the foot of the Cross- he was killed by a group of soldiers who fired bullets and arrows at him.

But there was no text released- or words by the Virgin Mary explaining to the 3 children at Fatima what the vision meant.

Now here in front of him were supposedly the words (accompanying the vision) that were spoken by the Virgin Mary to the 3 shepherd children at Fatima.

Hm.

Very interesting.

As a worshipper of the Ancient Greek gods (in secret of course!), Cardinal JM longed to see such chaos in the Church and the world that the worship of the ancient gods would be restored to bring back stability.

Let’s say he were to fax a copy of the contents of this envelope to say… Russian President Vladimir Putin… would that not bring about the chaos in the Church and the world that he longed to see?

Cardinal JM went over to his old photocopier and copied the document that was inside the sealed envelope.

Then he went over to his fax machine and faxed the copy to Vladimir Putin’s office in the Kremlin.

He then stood at his office window overlooking Saint Peter’s Square.

He noticed a figure in the street below his window wearing a black Venetian masquerade mask, a black cape, a black hat and holding a black walking stick.

The figure looked up at Cardinal JM and spoke in a whisper.

But the words of the whisper seemed to echo through Saint Peter’s Square.

“Jacques de Molay, thou art avenged!”.

. . .

Renfield R. Renfield went to see his friend Amadeus Emanon in the hospital on this Halloween night.

For Amadeus was still in hospital recovering from shrapnel wounds he received when Renfield led a commando rescue mission on a Cornwall farmhouse to, as the British media put it, “Free his friend from the ISIS terrorists who were holding him hostage here in this sceptered isle.”

Renfield figured his friend would probably be feeling depressed because normally Amadeus liked going out trick or treating on Halloween night.

Renfield brought along a bag of chocolate bar and candy treats that Watson Holmes the Executive Vice-President of Set Enterprises had sent along as a gift for Amadeus.

He also brought along a pumpkin pie that had been baked for Amadeus by Miss Miranda Singh the secretary and office manager for Watson Holmes.

As his own gift Renfield brought along a couple of videos- the 1982 film Halloween III: Season of the Witch and the 1993 film The Nightmare Before Christmas for them to watch together as they ate the Halloween treats and the pumpkin pie.

Renfield also brought along a poster that said Halloween At The Hindenburg (The Hindenburg was a nightclub on Canada’s West Coast) and hung it on the wall in Amadeus’ room.

“Ever since a friend of mine sent me this poster a few weeks ago, I thought it would be cool to dress a dirigible up as the Hindenburg on Halloween and re-enact that May 1937 airship disaster,” Renfield beamed as he looked at the poster.

He then put on the video Halloween III: Season of the Witch for them to watch.

Outside Amadeus’ hospital window, a witch flew by on a broomstick.

. . .

Inside the secret laboratory of the Vampiress Isis below Notre Dame Cathedral, Dr. Cadbury Rocher was putting the finishing touches on all the equipment.

Rocher had discovered that the problem Isis and the late Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius had in trying to re-assemble the sub-atomic particles of Osiris was that they were not working with an original ET gray’s laser death ray gun.

They were working with a 3-D printer copy of an original.

And Dr. Rocher knew this because he recognized the gun as one he had made with a 3-D printer he had invented.

As brilliant as Dr. Cadbury Rocher was, even he hadn’t reached the level of intellectual sophistication of the ET grays he had to admit.

But Rocher knew how to get the original.

He knew where Renfield R. Renfield kept it on the Set Enterprises premises.

Isis passed this information along to her London private eye gumshoe spy Randall Hopkins who broke into Set Enterprises and stole the original ET gray’s laser death ray gun.

Now with the original in his possession, Rocher fired the laser death ray at the spot in the lab which held the sub-atomic particles of Osiris and then through the use of electromagnets, he reversed the flow of the ray.

Sure enough the sub-atomic particles of Osiris re-assembled themselves and came together again.

Isis shrieked with ecstasy.

Then she looked on in horror.

The sub-atomic particles of the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl also started to re-assemble themselves (Quetzalcoatl was the spiritual godfather of her female vampiric arch-enemy and rival the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec).

Isis had forgotten that Quetzalcoatl’s returning spaceship had also been destroyed by the Russian submarine’s laser death ray.

And of course Quetzalcoatl’s sub-atomic particles would also have been collected along with Osiris’ when Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius was using his small scale working model of the CERN Large Hadron Collider to collect sub-atomic particles along the beach at Vancouver’s English Beach after the laser attack on the returning spaceships.

Osiris looked down at his re-assembled body and then screamed.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher looked down at the mathematical equation of the re-assembly process he had scribbled on a notepad and suddenly, noticing a slight miscalculation, said in a very very low voice, “Oops.”

“Of all the cosmic bad luck,” the ancient Egyptian vampire cried out in anguish, “it’s once again my phallus that’s missing whenever I’m put back together again.”

Isis screamed as well.

Her valet Cedarman who was on his cell phone immediately cancelled the order of Viagra he had placed on his mistress’ orders to celebrate this happy occasion.

Quetzalcoatl roared and breathed fire.

He then flapped his wings and flew out the air vent of the secret underground laboratory.

He made the air vent a lot larger by doing so due to his enormous size.

As he flew out over the City of Paris, he passed by a dirigible made up to look like the 1930s German airship The Hindenburg.

The Halloween Hindenburg burst into flames near the top of the Eiffel Tower.

To be continued.

-A Halloween vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
during the time period
Thursday October 30th
to
Friday October 31st
2014.

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