Renfield’s Podcast Plus Joe Biden Meets The Ghost of Napoleon Bonaparte

August 31, 2021 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing a Tuesday night podcast.

This was Renfield’s first news item,

“Today U.S. President Joe Biden, while addressing the media, described his rescue operation in Afghanistan as an unqualified success.”

This was Renfield’s next video clip showing a dunce cap sitting on an x-ray of the Presidential brain while in the background the voice of Willie Nelson could be heard singing, “You were always on my mind…”

Renfield then made a brief editorial statement,

“Taking that garbage known as Critical Race Theory (which is nothing more than Marxist inspired racism against whites) to its logical illogical conclusion, Duquesne University Professor Derek Hook said in a recent Summer Session video, “White people should commit suicide as an ethical act.” Well so much for following the late Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King’s advice about judging a person by the content of their character rather than the colour of their skin.”

Renfield then went on to another news item,

“This past Sunday, Dr. Anthony Fauci gave a whining and snivelling crybaby performance on CNN (the leading American branch of the Neo-Goebbels Ministry of Propaganda) sobbing that, “People are personally attacking me.”

On the screen behind Renfield is shown a large photo of Dr. Anthony Fauci wearing nothing except a large overinflated pair of diapers.

Remarked Renfield, “Well, Dr. Fauci, if you go around acting like a tyrant, expect a lot of people to despise you.”

Renfield went on to another news item,

“Barack Obama’s former Secretary of Education Arne Duncan has shown himself to be a real piece of human garbage by saying that anti-maskers and Kabul suicide bombers are one and the same thing.
Only a Neo-Bolshevik Communist scumbag would be stupid enough to think this.”

A video is then shown of the obnoxious Arne Duncan getting a rhubarb pie thrown in his face by an invisible entity (the Harvey Wallbanger drinking cameraman who filmed the incident said that it was a 6 foot 8 tall purple coloured bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears who did the deed).

Renfield went on to his final news item,

“In further proof that the spirit of Antichrist now fully dominates the world, Israeli President Isaac Herzog wants newborn babies to be microchipped in an effort to maintain and control social distancing.”

The podcast then ends with a video of a vision that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a few hours ago.

Bill Gates can be seen rubbing his hands together in glee and saying, “What’s good enough for Israel is good enough for the world.”

. . .

Senile old fool Joe Biden was lying in bed trying to remember whether it was sheep or goats that one counted while falling asleep.

Jill Biden was sitting cross-legged on the floor in the lotus position in a trance while she was busy conversing with a green serpent that called itself Kundalini.

The ghost of the Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte then appeared at the foot of Joe Biden’s bed.

“Who are you? And what are you doing here?” Joe Biden asked.

“I am the ghost of the Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte and I’m here to thank you,” Napoleon replied.

“Thank me for what?” Biden ate a mosquito that had been buzzing around.

“Thanks to your retreat from Afghanistan,” Napoleon explained, “My retreat from Moscow back in 1812 doesn’t look so cowardly.”

“Who says so?” Biden demanded to know.

“The ghosts of Alexander the Great and Julius Caesar,” Napoleon explained, “They’ve been razzing me about it for the past couple of centuries.”

“Will they razz me about my retreat from Afghanistan?” Biden inquired, “When I finally kick the bucket after falling up the steps of Air Force One?”.

“I’ve been informed that you’ll probably be going to a much lower circle in the Underworld so you won’t meet us,” Napoleon answered, “Unless you finally repent for the evil you’ve done.”

“And will I repent for the evil that I’ve done?” Biden sniffed the hair of a Raggedy Ann doll that someone left on the bed.

“I’ve been informed by the most intellectual and analytical of Cerberus’s 3 heads that you probably won’t,” Napoleon answered.

. . .

It was 1954 and the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was approaching a woman standing alongside a car outside a farm house in Central California.

Set awoke with a start inside his sarcophagus.

What had brought back that memory?

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 31st
2021.

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Renfield and Amadeus Listen To BBC World News On The Radio

February 12, 2014 at 8:01 pm (Commentary, Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Movies, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield and Amadeus Listen To BBC World News On The Radio

As Renfield entered the library, he noticed that Amadeus was crying bucket loads of tears into his unspilled glass of milk.

The BBC World News was talking about the red storm warning that the British Meteorological Office had just issued.

Renfield looked out the window and noticed their next door neighbour was busy building an ark.

“What are you sniveling about?” Renfield finally asked the crying Amadeus.

“Shirley Temple dying,” Amadeus sobbed.

“Well she lived to a good age,” Renfield said, “she was 85.”

“She was 85?” Amadeus blinked, “Wow. Did she ever look young for her age.”

“All of those movies you have of her on DVD were made back in the 1930s when she was only a little girl,” Renfield explained.

“Oh,” said Amadeus.

A lightbulb went on over Amadeus’ head as Renfield turned on a lamp behind Amadeus’ chair.

On the BBC World News, a commentator was commentating, “And so U.S. President Barack Obama has spent the past couple of days snuggling up to French poodle Francois Hollande in an effort to improve U.S.-French ties. As the Emperor Napoleon and the 1960s American pop culture novelist Jacqueline Susann might put it, “Every night, Josephine…”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 12th
2014

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Napoleon’s 244th Birthday and The Ghosts of Antiochus Epiphanes and Alexander The Great

August 15, 2013 at 6:19 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Napoleon’s 244th  Birthday and The Ghosts of Antiochus Epiphanes and Alexander The Great

As ghosts continued to leave Hades by the thousands after Cerberus abandoned his post at the River Styx (the 3-headed dog was currently frolicking on a Mexican beach drinking Mexican Bulldogs which was a combination of Margarita and Corona beer and then complaining about the bill since all 3 heads were imbibing) , the ghost of Antiochus Epiphanes was walking the streets of Damascus and looking at all the carnage and said, “Well if people really want, I’ll gladly become King of Syria again.”

At the moment he spoke those words,  a small but powerful tremor shook the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.

                 .            .             .

At the CERN Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland, the ghosts of Alexander The Great, his generals and his soldiers had taken over the facility.

For Alexander being the great genius he was with his strategic frame of mind and tactical insight had realized that by taking over the CERN Large Hadron Collider, he could make himself the Master of Time and thus the Master of the Universe.

                  .            .            .

The ghost of Napoleon Bonaparte had taken over Magog Rhys Petley’s hotel room in Cairo much to the British Labour MP’s displeasure.

Magog had gone out to see what cheap souvenirs he could pick up at the neighbourhood bazaar.

Napoleon decided to mark his 244th birthday which was today by having a bunch of harem style dancing girls dancing for him in the hotel room.

He had also ordered a cake personally baked for him by world famous Toronto Ontario based cake maker Joanna Lo the Caking Girl (made in the shape of the City of Paris) .

He also had 244 candles placed on the cake by one of the dancing girls and then another dancing girl (with a low-cut top)  bent over to light them all.

Napoleon’s ghost then made a wish (which was to rule the world) and then tried to blow out all 244 candles.

But seeing as how Napoleon was now spirit, he could not blow out physical objects.

A huge fire broke out in the hotel room.

                      .          .           .

Authorities blamed the hotel fire on the Muslim Brotherhood and used that as an excuse for rounding up and arresting more members.

Magog consoled himself by licking the lovely yet slightly singed breasts of a beautiful woman who said her breasts were singed when she had to light 244 candles on a birthday cake.

To be continued.

– A vampire novel chapter
 written by Christopher
 Thursday August 15th
 2013.

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