Will Rosetta’s Philae Comet Lander Battery Die?

November 14, 2014 at 7:35 pm (Humour, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Will Rosetta’s Philae Comet Lander Battery Die?

Renfield R. Renfield had just heard on the BBC Radio’s World News Report that the battery on the European Space Agency’s Rosetta spacecraft’s Philae robotic comet lander might not last as long as the space agency had hoped.

So Renfield decided to go down to the Set Enterprises laboratory and ask Michelangelo the genetically created psychic lobster if he could pick up any TV transmissions from the future on what would be the final photographic image of the comet sent back from the Philae robotic comet lander to the European Space Agency before the battery on the lander finally died.

Amadeus Emanon decided to join Renfield in this endeavour.

Once down at the lab, Renfield carefully hooked up Michelangelo’s lobster antennae to wires running to the computer.

He then typed on the computer keyboard the information he required Michelangelo to seek out.

Michelangelo’s eyes then turned red, blue and green in succession as his psychic antennae tried to pick up the relevant TV transmission from the future.

“Funny, his eyes go through the same effects when he’s been drinking heavily,” Renfield noted.

Suddenly Michelangelo’s eyes turned sapphire and then turquoise as he received the relevant transmission.

“Eureka!” Renfield shouted.

“I hope that’s not the name of a new shooter drink,” said Amadeus who was starting to get concerned about Michelangelo’s eye colour.

“The transmission is showing up on the computer screen now,” Renfield ejaculated before wiping himself and the screen.

The images showed a slow fading away of the comet’s surface as the audio played the “bleep… bleeep… bleeeeppppp…” sound of the battery slowly dying.

Before the battery died completely, the last photographic video image transmitted was of a pink bunny wearing dark sunglasses and beating a drum and moving along the comet’s surface as an announcer style voice said, “Energizer… it just keeps going… and going…”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 13th

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The Coppertop Were-Zomb-ire

October 10, 2011 at 9:13 pm (TV Commercials, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

As Renfield sat looking depressed over the dead body of his most recent creation the Were-Zomb-ire, the redheaded cyborg Sophia entered the Set Enterprises lab wearing a tight fitting red mini dress, red silk nylons and red super spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.

She was followed by Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell the Executive Vice-President of Aulos Music and Recording Ltd. as well as a TV camera crew.

“What are you doing here?” Renfield asked the sexy and sultry cyborg.

“I’m here to shoot a TV commercial about your dead creation the Were-Zomb-ire,” Sophia answered, “my recording manager Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell figures it will help my music career.”

“Oh great,” Renfield threw up his hands, “first someone posted a blog entry about my creation the Were-Zomb-ire’s death at Xanga a site no one cares about (except for C.S. Lewis wannabes with a fetish for boobs and non-butterfly little read unpopular Malaysian bloggers who don’t have a fetish for boobs) and now you’re going to broadcast my failure to the entire world.”

“That’s right,” Sophia adjusted her nylons and then smiled for the camera.

“Hit it,” Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell gave her the thumbs up.

“I’m sitting here with colossal failure Renfield R, Renfield,” Sophia smiled engagingly, “whose recent creation the Were-Zomb-ire a creature part werewolf, part zombie and part vampire was killed shortly after it was created. Mr. Renfield, what are your plans for the future?”.

“Well, I’ve been offered the position of Secretary of State in a second Obama Administration for after the next U.S. election….” Renfield tried to smile.

“Let’s try fitting your Were-Zomb-ire with a Duracell battery shall we?” Sophia cuts open the Were-Zomb-ire’s stomach with a butcher knife and then inserts a Duracell battery and then stitches together the incision with thread and then delivers an electrical charge to the Were-Zomb-ire’s stomach.

The Were-Zomb-ire then rises to life again.

“Duracell the Coppertop Battery,” Sophia smiles at the camera, “the battery recommended and used by most professional mad scientists.”

The Were-Zomb-ire then tears the door off the Set Enterprises lab and sets off to terrorize the City of London.

Amadeus Emanon enters through the now non-existent door of the Set Enterprises lab licking a maple walnut chocolate ice cream cone and remarking, “Hey Renfield, I noticed your Were-Zomb-ire came back to life and just stepped on the Energizer Bunny. It’s no longer going and going…”

To be continued.

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