Mount Hermon and The UFOs

November 3, 2015 at 8:21 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Mount Hermon and The UFOs

Yuri, a pilot in the Russian Air Force, was doing a reconnaissance mission over Mount Hermon on the border between Lebanon, Syria and the Israeli occupied Golan Heights.

Yuri radioed in to base.

“Central Command, have spotted a series of UFOs over Mount Hermon. Should I engage?” asked Yuri.

“Yuri, this is Central Command,” the voice on the radio answered, “please clarify what you mean by UFOs?”.

“Flying saucers,” Yuri replied, “what are called extraterrestrial spacecraft or ET vehicles in popular movies. Repeat question, should I engage?”.

“How many would you estimate are there?” The voice on the radio inquired.

“According to in-flight computer calculations of the blips on the radar, exactly 200,” Yuri answered, “repeat question, should I engage?”.

“Negative, Yuri,” the voice ordered, “Get to Hell out of there and get back to base.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday November 3rd
2015.

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A Night At The Observatory

October 5, 2015 at 7:48 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Religion, Science, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

A Night At The Observatory

At the Palomar Astronomical Observatory in Southern California, astronomer Dr. Balthasar Tannenbaum was looking through one of the telescopes.

He suddenly stopped in his tracks when he noticed something unusual flying through the heavens.

The object looked like images one saw of UFOs.

Yet the object was as clear as day (or at least as clear as this night was) .

There also seemed to be lights flashing on the UFO.

Dr. Balthasar Tannenbaum, who had a background in U.S. Naval Intelligence, recognized the pattern in the flashing of the lights as a type of Morse code.

He quickly grabbed a pencil and paper and jotted down the message sent to him by the UFO in deep space.

When he had finished, the message read, ADONAI Was Not Who He Claimed To Be.

Adonai?

Dr. Balthasar Tannenbaum bit the eraser at the end of his pencil.

Wasn’t that one of the Hebrew names for God? he asked himself.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 4th
2015.

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Netanyahu: When ET’s Friend Phones You Not Home

October 3, 2015 at 6:34 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Netanyahu: When ET’s Friend Phones You Not Home

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was sitting in the back of a diplomatic limousine in Manhattan after having delivered a passionate speech at the UN General Assembly in New York City.

At his side was the Mossad agent known as the Controller of The Golem.

The phone in the limousine rang.

The Prime Minister looked at the number.

He recognized the number of the U.S. National Security Council in Washington D.C.

“Hello,” the Prime Minister of Israel picked up the receiver.

“Mr. Prime Minister, this is a friend,” the voice said, “you must give up all control over the Temple Mount and East Jerusalem itself.”

“Who is this?” The Israeli Prime Minister demanded to know.

“And you must give up all control over the West Bank,” the voice said, “We know this was part of the land promised to you by The Lord God of Israel but he’s just an extraterrestrial- an astronaut from another world – He’s not the Supreme Creator of the Universe. We have the evidence to prove it which we will share with you at a future date. But in the meantime don’t hold on to the Temple Mount, East Jerusalem and settlement areas in the West Bank areas as if they were part of some divine mandate.”

“Who is this?” The Prime Minister was furiously angry.

The phone clicked.

And went dead.

The Prime Minister looked over at the Controller of The Golem.

“It was probably a hacker/prankster with a really bad sense of humour, Mr. Prime Minister,” the Controller assured him, “one who’s watched one too many episodes of that American TV program Ancient Aliens.”

“Maybe,” the Prime Minister looked thoughtful, “or maybe something much more sinister.”

Outside the limousine, some New York City doomsayer held up a placard that bore a verse from II Thessalonians Chapter 2, “And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie.” -II Thessalonians 2: 11.

A billboard across the street read, “God was just an astronaut.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 1st
2015.

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U. F. O. Crash In The High Arctic

December 12, 2014 at 8:23 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

U. F. O. Crash In The High Arctic

The Royal Canadian Navy icebreaker HMS Sir John Franklin was in the cold frigid waters of the Arctic Ocean 72 kilometres northeast of the Canadian Northwest Territories hamlet of Tuktoyaktuk.

An airplane was believed to have crashed in the immediate vicinity.

The DEW (Distant Early Warning) line radar station at Tuktoyaktuk first established in the late 1950s at the height of the original Cold War (and secretly reactivated on Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s orders as the Second Cold War- this one against Vladimir Putin’s Russia- was beginning) had picked up a speedy high- flying aerial craft on the radar just before it crashed into the Arctic seas.

Fearing that it was a Russian plane that had crashed, the Defence Department in Ottawa had immediately sent the icebreaker Franklin to the vicinity to retrieve the
plane before the Russian Navy mobilized to attempt a rescue of the wrecked craft.

Even though the craft had gone down in Canadian territorial waters, as someone in the Defence Department quipped, “Putin doesn’t let things such as borders, lines on a map and international law get in the way of getting something that he wants” so it was necessary to dispatch a ship right away before the Russians came breezing in to attempt their own rescue and salvage operation.

“We found it,” the ship’s sonar officer said to the captain of HMS Sir John Franklin.

“How far down is it?” Captain William Washburn asked.

“Let me just try to get an exact reading,” the sonar officer pushed a few buttons, “but it’s within a safe range for us to salvage and bring to the surface.”

“All right begin salvage operations,” Captain Washburn ordered the crew.

. . .

As the craft was hoisted aboard the ship, those present knew they were not looking at a plane.

They were looking at a round flying saucer disc shaped craft- what U.F.O. buffs would have called a U.F.O. had they seen it.

“Any signs of radiation?” Captain Washburn asked the ship’s radiation officer.

The ship’s radiation officer checking his Geiger counter replied, “Some but it’s at safe levels.”

“Let’s see if it can be opened,” Captain Washburn directed his crew.

Various attempts were made but nothing successful.

“Well we better get this back to land and see what can be done from there,” Captain Washburn ordered the ship to embark to the harbour at nearby Tuktoyaktuk.

“Do you mind if I try something?” A voice asked.

Captain Washburn looked in the direction of the voice.

It belonged to Israeli Naval Lt. Enoch Elijah Ben Eitan.

Lt. Ben Eitan was a guest observer from the Israeli Navy.

“Sure, go ahead,” Captain Washburn nodded.

Lt. Ben Eitan opened his briefcase which he always carried with him.

He reached into his briefcase and pulled out what looked to be a foot long key- a key made out of lapis lazuli.

The lapis lazuli key seemed to have ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs on it.

“We find this is able to open such craft when they occasionally crash in the Negev Desert,” explained Ben Eitan.

The statement was greeted with a stunned silence.

Lt. Ben Eitan walked around the craft while holding the lapis lazuli key in his hand.

He stopped when the key suddenly seemed to glow.

He held the key over this portion of the craft and this part of the craft opened like a door.

The Franklin captain and the Israeli lieutenant peered through the door and inside were the bodies of 6 dead ET grays and one dead humanoid looking figure with a Middle Eastern appearance.

“I think we better get to Tuktoyaktuk as soon as possible,” Captain Washburn ordered, “and radio the Defence Department in Ottawa right away as to what we’ve found.”

. . .

On the shore waiting for the ship were members of the Canadian Army, representatives of NORAD, officers from the RCMP and FBI and a special team of M.I.B. (Men In Black) dispatched from Washington D.C.

Also standing on the shore near Tuktoyaktuk was a mysterious figure- the same figure who had stood atop Mount Moriah when the lights and electricity and power had suddenly shut off over Jerusalem.

(For more on this, please read

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2014/11/30/the-mysterious-figure-atop-mount-moriah/

)

As the craft was brought on to the shore, the mysterious figure suddenly vanished into the darkness of the Arctic night.

And a cold wind blew on to the shore.

And the lights from Aurora Borealis – the Northern Lights- that had been in the sky- they seemed to go out- like some dark switch had turned them off.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday December 8th
2014.

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Diablos Nocturna At The NATO Summit In Newport Wales

September 12, 2014 at 7:47 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Diablos Nocturna At The NATO Summit In Newport Wales

The NATO Summit in Newport Wales was winding down.

Most of the world leaders had left.

And MI-6 agent Diablos Nocturna who had overseen security operations at the summit was watching the shutting down of the summit.

He saw Monica Dhaliwal his liaison with CSIS (the Canadian Security Intelligence Service) approach looking very attractive and stylish in her white blouse, blue jacket, tight blue skirt, black silk pantyhose and striking cerulean blue spiked stiletto high- heeled shoes.

She was definitely the reason he had enjoyed working this summit so much.

She flashed a warm smile as she stood face-to-face with him.

“So,” she flicked her hair back as she spoke, “how ever did you come up with the code name Diablos Nocturna – Devil of the Night?”.

“From medieval legends of the incubus,” Diablos Nocturna replied.

“The male demon who slept with beautiful women in the night?” Monica Dhaliwal smiled again.

“The same,” Diablos Nocturna nodded.

“Say who was that woman who looked like the singer Rihanna and was dressed in a Dior red evening gown and hob nobbed with all the world leaders at all the summit dinners?” Monica Dhaliwal asked.

“That’s the Paris-based billionairess and Egyptian Vampiress Isis,” Diablos Nocturna replied.

“Vampiress?” The female CSIS agent was shocked.

“Yes her brother, brother-in-law and arch-enemy the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set lives in London,” the MI-6 operative answered.

“So you mean there really are such things as vampires and vampiresses?” Monica Dhaliwal adjusted her skirt.

“There are indeed,” the MI-6 agent replied.

“In my university days,” Monica Dhaliwal began stroking her hair, “I’d heard talk of a legendary Canadian vampire hunter by the name of Dracul Van Helsing. Does he actually exist?”.

“He does,” Diablos Nocturna nodded, “I’ve heard of him.”

“This London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set,” the CSIS operative inquired, “does he have anything to do with Set Enterprises the British research and development firm that’s said to be engaged in secret and very controversial genetics experiments?”.

“Yes, he owns it,” Diablos Nocturna took note of a news channel helicopter in the distance, “you might also have heard of his controversial corporate Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering the notorious Renfield R. Renfield. He has quite the reputation in international espionage circles.”

“Renfield R. Renfield works for Set?” The CSIS agent had indeed heard of the ruthless and totally psychotic individual that Western intelligence agencies turned to as a last resort when it came to dealing with the vilest scum of the Earth.

There were rumours that The Blacklist TV series’ character of Raymond Red Reddington was actually modeled on Renfield R. Renfield.

“Yes he works for Set,” Diablos Nocturna answered.

The MI-6 agent invited the CSIS agent for a drink in a nearby Welsh pub.

As they approached the pub entrance from the street, Welsh werewolf (although most people didn’t know that he was a werewolf) British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley came rushing out of the pub.

“They don’t have any buttermilk in this pub,” Magog Rhys Petley gasped, “in fact, they don’t seem to have buttermilk anywhere in town.”

He went running down the street shouting, “Buttermilk. I need buttermilk.”

“Quite the eccentric character,” Monica Dhaliwal looked down the street after him.

“That was Magog Rhys Petley a Welsh Member of Parliament at Westminster,” Diablos Nocturna stated, “Obviously a man who enjoys his buttermilk.”

They entered the pub.

. . .

“So what was this Vampiress Isis doing talking to all those world leaders?” Monica Dhaliwal asked Diablos Nocturna after they sat down.

“She’s hoping to use NATO to destroy Vladimir Putin’s Russia,” Diablos Nocturna replied.

“I see,” Monica Dhaliwal looked puzzled, “and why does she want to do that?”.

“Because it was a Russian nuclear submarine that used a laser death ray to disintegrate the spaceship that was returning her brother, husband and lover Osiris to Earth from the star system of Sirius back on December 21st 2012 and she’s vowed vengeance ever since,” the MI-6 operative replied.

“I see,” the CSIS operative felt she was in a dream.

“All part of a long-standing family feud that originated in Egypt millenia ago,” Diablos Nocturna explained, “when their brother Set cut up Osiris into 14 pieces and scattered the body parts throughout Egypt. Isis who was married to Osiris managed to find all the parts save one and put them back together again and using Egyptian magic managed to resurrect Osiris. But then Set managed to cast a Black Magic spell on Osiris transporting him and exiling him to a planet in the star system of Sirius. So Horus the son of Isis and Osiris who was also Set’s nephew buried Set alive in a tomb. Set’s tomb was then discovered and opened on November 11th 1918 at ironically enough exactly 1100 hours Greenwich time when the Armistice ending the First World War came into effect. Set fled the tomb after his sarcophagus lid was taken off and he’s been wreaking his havoc on the world ever since.”

“I see,” Monica Dhaliwal sipped her Chai tea (which she was surprised to see offered in a Welsh pub), “and how was it that Osiris returned to Earth on December 21st 2012?”.

“It was because of the Black Magic spell that Set cast on Osiris,” Diablos Nocturna explained, “for ancient Egyptian witchcraft Black Magic spells like most modern food and dairy products had an expiration date on it. And the expiration date for the spell exiling Osiris to the star system of Sirius ended December 21st 2012 on our calendar. It was an expiration date of which the Mayans, the Aztecs and the Hopi Indians were aware. Their prophecies about this event gave the History Channel a lot to talk about on its programs throughout most of the first 12 years of the 21st Century. For all intensive public purposes since nothing appeared to happen on December 21st 2012, they’ve scrambled to try to find a replacement and think that endless reruns of American Pickers will somehow capture the imagination of the television viewing public. If, like Isis, subscribers to the History Channel knew what really happened on December 21st 2012, they too would be calling for Vladimir Putin’s head on a silver platter.”

“So for Isis, all hopes of Osiris’ return have vanished into thin air like disintegrated particles from the after effects of a laser death ray?” Monica Dhaliwal asked.

“Yes, having one’s anatomical body parts reduced to the sub-atomic level is certainly more of a challenge to put back together again than just being cut up into 14 pieces,” Diablos Nocturna admitted, “but it so happened that leading Swiss scientist Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius happened to be in the area of Vancouver’s English Bay at the time and happened to use a mirror and the sounds of the sea from a large sea shell he was holding to collect the disintegrated particles from the laser death ray explosion and put them into a working model of the CERN Large Hadron Collider he had in his rowboat with him at the time.”

“So the particles of Osiris’ sub-atomic structure were gathered into Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius’ working model of the CERN Large Hadron Collider?” Monica Dhaliwal asked.

“Along with the sub-atomic particles of the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl who was arriving in a space ship from Saturn’s moon Titan in the same vicinity at the same time and was likewise disintegrated from the laser death ray fired by the Russian nuclear submarine that was illegally trespassing in Canadian coastal waters at the time,” Diablos Nocturna answered.

“Wow, I never heard about that in my History of War and Conflict Class at UBC,” said Monica Dhaliwal who was a recent graduate of the University of British Columbia prior to her recruitment by CSIS.

“Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper covered up the whole incident to prevent a possible war with Russia,” Diablos Nocturna explained, “and Harper’s NATO ally U.S. President Barack Obama is still working on a strategy to respond to the whole incident. He may come up with such a working strategy at the same time he finally comes up with a strategy against ISIS- that is the Islamist terrorist caliphate not the Paris-based billionairess Egyptian Vampiress.”

“So whatever became of the particles that were placed inside Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius’ model of the CERN Large Hadron Collider?” the CSIS agent asked.

“They’re now in the Vampiress Isis’ secret subterranean laboratory below Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris,” Diablos Nocturna replied, “although it’s not as secret as she thinks it is since MI-6 knows all about it. There Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius and a number of other of the world’s leading scientists are working to put the particles of Osiris back together again.”

“Why is the Vampiress Isis’ laboratory located beneath Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris?” Monica Dhaliwal inquired.

“It’s my understanding that Isis is a big fan of the late great British actor Charles Laughton,” the MI-6 agent answered, “and particularly enjoyed his 1939 film The Hunchback of Notre Dame.”

“So are they having any success putting the particles of Osiris back together again?” The CSIS agent looked at the pattern in her cup of chai tea.

“Well according to a theoretical research paper written by a professor of particle physics at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology,” Diablos Nocturna put a little pepper on his dish of Welsh rarebit, “an ET gray’s laser death ray gun fired in reverse into the surrounding atmosphere might be able to put the particles back together again.”

“So all Isis has to do then is to get her hands on an ET gray’s laser death ray gun,” Monica Dhaliwal picked up her fork to sample her own dish of Welsh rarebit.

“That’s right,” Diablos Nocturna nodded, “and there may be a bit of a problem getting that.”

On the radio in the Welsh pub was playing the latest release from the American music group Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers with their lead vocalist Sekhmet singing the lyrics that were also the title of the song, “Mr. ET Gray, I’m So Sorry I Lost Your Laser Death Ray Gun.”

In the distance outside the pub could be heard the melancholy haunting sound of what sounded like a werewolf howling.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 6th
2014

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Flashback To The End of The World- Dec. 21st 2012

September 9, 2014 at 4:04 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Flashback To The End of The World- Dec. 21st 2012

The vampire novel chapter I wrote back on December 21st 2012 when something of cosmic significance was supposed to happen on Earth on that date according to Mayan, Aztec and Hopi Indian prophecies.

http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2012/12/dec-21st-2012-tempest-or-much-ado-about.html?m=1

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Sekhmet Explains The ET Gray

May 22, 2014 at 6:14 pm (Entertainment, Music, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Sekhmet Explains The ET Gray

Nero Wilson sat in the hotel dining room drinking orange juice and eating pancakes.

It had been a couple of days since he had discovered the ET gray in his hotel bedroom closet.

He found out that the ET gray had been introduced to his band’s lead singer Sekhmet after the open-air desert concert outside Mesa, Arizona by a groupie of the band named Lana who had then made out with the band’s drummer Dave Wilson (stage name Abbott Costello).

Sekhmet had hidden the ET gray in her suitcase telling everyone that it was just a teddy bear a fan had given her.

And so the ET gray had been in her suitcase the whole time they had driven from Arizona to California.

The ET gray had then been in the closet in Sekhmet’s hotel room but he had gone out in the night to take an extraterrestrial leak and when he came back in the darkness, all the hotel rooms had looked the same to him so he entered Nero Wilson’s room and closet by mistake.

Stories about Nero Wilson’s finding the ET gray in his closet had hit the Internet the same way a diarrhea ridden acrobatic knife thrower’s shit would hit the fan.

Of course one good thing about the story was that it made for two sold out performances the past couple of nights at The Tropicana Nightclub a small venue in downtown Los Angeles where his band Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers were performing.

Plus he had also been invited to be a guest and have his band perform on The Arsenio Hall Show while he was here in Los Angeles as a result of the story about him and the ET gray.

. . .

“I see six young people in Iran were arrested for filming a tribute video to Pharrell Williams’ song Happy,” Amadeus Emanon remarked as he ate his Happy Meal from McDonald’s.

“I suppose the assholes who govern Iran don’t want anyone in the country to be happy,” Renfield R. Renfield replied as he ate his Filet ‘o Fish.

“I suppose not,” Amadeus answered.

Amadeus then noticed that Renfield was booking a British Airways flight from London to Los Angeles on his laptop.

“Why are you flying to Los Angeles?” Amadeus asked.

Renfield winced.

He dare not tell bigmouth chatterbox Amadeus that he had been hired by their boss’ Archenemy the Vampiress Isis to steal a laser death ray gun from an ET gray.

Nor that the ET gray had shown up in Los Angeles according to the Internet’s leading social networking sites.

So Renfield said, “I’m going to see how my porn movie company in Orange County is doing.”

It was perfectly true that Renfield owned a small pornographic film studio in Orange County and he occasionally checked in from time to time to see how they were doing (not to mention personally auditioning young actresses who were hoping to break into the industry).

“Oh I see,” Amadeus decided to change the subject, “that Prince Charles while visiting an Immigration Museum in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada compared Vladimir Putin’s recent actions to Hitler’s actions in the 1930s.”

“He did?” Renfield suddenly turned white.

For it was Renfield’s latest project and goal and dream in life that he be awarded a knighthood from The Queen sometime this year.

Renfield immediately went on to Facebook and unfriended Vladimir Putin.

. . .

“I’m going to kill him,” Russian President Vladimir Putin shrieked and foamed at the mouth to Russian Vampiress and FSB agent Svetlana Kireeva.

“Who?” Svetlana asked, “Charles, Prince of Wales for comparing you to Hitler?”.

“No,” Putin went apoplectic, “Renfield R. Renfield for unfriending me on Facebook.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 21st
2014.

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Nero Wilson and The ET Gray

May 20, 2014 at 6:08 pm (Entertainment, Music, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Nero Wilson and The ET Gray

Nero Wilson the lead electrical violinist for the band Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers was lying in bed in his hotel in Los Angeles California.

He was playing a gig somewhere in LA tonight.

He couldn’t remember where.

A few nights ago he and his band were playing an open-air concert in the desert outside Mesa, Arizona- the same night that rumours were circulating that a UFO had crashed in the vicinity of the concert.

Maybe a UFO had crashed that night.

After all members of his band were acting pretty strange since then.

Well even stranger than usual he should say.

His cousin Dave Wilson (whose band name was Abbott Costello) the drummer had naturally got lucky with a groupie that night and had made out with a hot looking brunette named Lana who coincidentally was wearing a mini dress with a picture of ET on it.

His cousin Charlie Wilson (whose band name was Bud Lou) the electrical guitarist was once again complaining that he had no one to make out with.

And at the rate he was going, Charlie had whined, it was going to take him forever to equal Mick Jagger’s bedding record.

The band’s lead (and only) female singer Sekhmet had hidden what appeared to be a large teddy bear in her suitcase and wouldn’t let anyone near it.

All the while drinking bottles of blood (of course that wasn’t so unusual. That was something Sekhmet had done since Nero first met her).

Then they had left Arizona and had driven to California in their old 1960s Volkswagen van that still had old hippy peace symbols on it as well as stickers that said Make Love Not War, Peace Now, Ban The Bomb, and Nuke Nixon.

Sekhmet was sleeping in her coffin in the back (as she always did whenever they drove in the daylight).

Her suitcase now had a combination lock on it.

Charlie and Dave were busy performing Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony with their coughing and hacking and respiratory problems as a result of driving with the windows open (the van’s air conditioning system had apparently died on the same day as Charles de Gaulle according to the used car salesman from whom they bought the van) and they were inhaling all that smoke blowing in from the Southern California wild fires as they drove west.

Nero Wilson the only member of the group who was wearing an oxygen mask was having no problems as he drove the van.

Quite a memorable trip west, Nero thought as he went and showered.

When he had finished showering and shaving and brushing his teeth, he came out of the bathroom and went over to the closet.

When he opened the closet, an ET gray walked out.

As rumours on the Internet social networking sites would put it later, ET gray comes out of the closet in Nero Wilson’s California hotel room.

Nero Wilson’s mother Agrippina almost choked on her mushroom soup back home in Cleveland Ohio as she read the rumour that had been shared over 17,155 times on a close friend’s Facebook status.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 19th
2014.

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Renfield Meets Isis In Paris

May 17, 2014 at 6:20 pm (Espionage, International Espionage, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Meets Isis In Paris

Renfield R. Renfield was sitting in an exclusive Parisienne sidewalk cafe restaurant and drinking cafe au lait while reading about the upcoming Florence Italy wedding nuptials of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West.

“I wonder if they’ll invite me to the wedding,” Renfield mused aloud as he added more sugar to his cafe au lait.

“You know Kim Kardashian or Kanye West?” The French waiter asked Renfield.

“She and her sisters once gave me a blow job underneath a table in a McDonald’s in Manhattan,” Renfield replied as he sprayed some whipping cream on top of his cafe au lait.

The waiter left.

Renfield was to meet the Egyptian Vampiress Isis in this restaurant to discuss a business proposition.

Renfield who worked for the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian Vampire Set didn’t know whether he should be meeting his Boss’ archenemy (who was also his boss’ sister and sister-in-law) but when Isis offered to take him to an exclusive Parisienne restaurant where they clandestinely served mermaid sandwiches made from mermaids caught from the River Seine, Renfield immediately accepted.

The only thing Renfield loved more than a tuna fish sandwich was a mermaid sandwich made from freshly caught mermaids and he had read in the Mermaid Connoisseur’s Digest that the Mermaids from the River Seine were an exceptionally exquisite delicacy.

He had never tried them before.

He had tried Japanese mermaid sushi in Tokyo and Irish mermaid cooked in Guinness in the town of Galway in Ireland but he had never tried French mermaid (fresh from the River Seine) cooked in a delicate red Burgundy wine and covered with a finely laced mushroom gravy.

Renfield decided not to bring his co-worker Amadeus Emanon with him on this particular business trip as Amadeus would always become visibly upset and start crying whenever Renfield ate a mermaid sandwich.

He would always start sobbing, “Ariel. Poor little Ariel.”

In his opinion, Amadeus had seen the Walt Disney animated film The Little Mermaid once too many times.

“I’m here,” the Vampiress Isis announced as she sat down in a beautiful beige evening dress.

She’s quite a looker, Renfield had to admit to himself.

In fact it took every ounce of his will power to stop himself from masturbating on the spot.

“So,” Isis explained the matter of the UFO that had crashed a few nights ago near Mesa, Arizona and how a U.S. Border Patrol officer had been disintegrated by a laser death ray fired from an ET gray’s gun, “I want you to steal this ET gray’s laser death ray gun and give it to me.”

“For what purpose?” Renfield asked as he bit into his hot steaming red Burgundy and mushroom gravy covered mermaid sandwich.

“That I can’t reveal,” Isis answered as she raised one side of her dress revealing a shapely black silk nylon covered leg.

Renfield used his napkin to cover his erection.

“Well,” said Renfield, “I need you to swear by Atum-Ra that you won’t use this laser death ray against my boss Set or any friend, acquaintance or employee of my boss Set.”

Isis raised her right hand and said, “By Atum-Ra, I do so swear.”

Renfield accepted this for no ancient Egyptian vampire or Vampiress worth his or her salt would swear an oath to Atum-Ra in vain.

“Why me?” Renfield asked.

“Because while I hate to admit this with you being an employee of my enemy Set and all,” she leaned forward showing her amply endowed breasts, “but in my opinion you’re the best thief in the world.”

Renfield had to admit that he was.

In fact Renfield had to admit that he often thought that the dashing and debonair Sir Sean Connery should play him in a film about one of his numerous master thief exploits.

Isis agreed.

They cemented the deal with an act of tantric sex on the dining room table.

In another corner of the restaurant, French President Francois Hollande stared in fixed fascination.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 17th
2014.

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Men In Black The Day After

May 15, 2014 at 6:36 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Men In Black The Day After

The head of the Men In Black for the State of Arizona was busy chewing out two of his men for last night’s fiasco in the desert outside Mesa, Arizona.

One man he chewed out for allowing an ET gray to escape amidst a crowd of drunken pot- smoking concert goers in their late teens and early 20s.

The man protested that he couldn’t tell the difference.

The other man in black was chewed out for wearing a bright yellow plaid jacket to last night’s fiasco instead of the traditional Men In Black black jacket.

“But I spilled white donut powder over my black jacket after eating 24 boxes of dozen white sprinkled jelly donuts,” the heavyset man protested, “and I didn’t have time to clean it when the call came in about the UFO crash on the mesa outside Mesa. The only jacket I had available that was clean was my tight fitting yellow plaid jacket.”

“And it was your glow-in-the dark yellow plaid jacket that alerted the ET gray to our coming,” his superior foamed as he fumed, “besides which you must keep a clean black jacket on hand at all times not a clean plaid jacket. After all, we’re called the Men In Black not the Men In Plaid.”

. . .

Amadeus Emanon was watching the old 1980s Steve Martin comedy Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid when the phone rang.

Renfield R. Renfield answered it.

He then turned as white as the hamster whiskers he had on those occasions when he shapeshifted into a hamster.

He put the phone down.

He went to the refrigerator to drink a bottle of cranberry juice and a bottle of grape juice to add some colour back to his cheeks.

He returned looking more his natural self.

“What was that phone call about?” a concerned Amadeus asked as he ate a chocolate covered glazed donut that spilled all over his yellow shirt.

“It was the Boss’ Archenemy the Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis,” Renfield replied, “she wants to hire me to steal an ET gray’s laser death ray gun for her.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 15th
2014.

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