The Old Gunslinger Returns

July 6, 2016 at 8:28 pm (Vampire novel, western) (, , , , , , , )

The Old Gunslinger Returns

As Belvedere stood behind the bar on this warm evening and pondered the exciting possibility that there might actually be Aztec gold in Hayden, Colorado, Sherrielock Holmes came running down the stairs in a lovely black and white evening gown and shouted, “Someone get Fat Tommy to the saloon. The Desperate Desperados Gang is riding into town tonight.”

The Desperate Desperados were a gang of cutthroat bandits and outlaws who took no prisoners but helped themselves to everything else.

Fat Tommy in his youth had been a famous gunslinger who then had the name Slim Tommy.

But times had changed.

Tommy lost his gunslinging ability for hamburger slinging followed by swallowing.

He had exchanged his slim waist line for an opportunity to play Moby Dick in a stage production (provided he lost enough weight to fit the whale’s actual size).

Still desperate times called for desperate measures and seeing as how the Desperate Desperados were riding into town, Fat Tommy was being asked by Sherrielock Holmes to gunsling once more.

Fat Tommy arrived in the saloon (he had some trouble getting through the swinging doors) and tried sitting down (breaking dozens of chairs in the process) and finally stood at the bar and ordered 300 plates of pork and beans.

When he finished his 300th plate, he wiped his mouth with a handkerchief and walked (more like waddled) out the door.

It was sundown.

The Desperate Desperados were just riding into town with their guns drawn and hooting and hollering.

They stopped outside the saloon.

Fat Tommy turned around, bent over and let ‘er rip.

That explains the reason for the huge quantity of pork and beans eaten, Belvedere thought as he watched.

The Desperate Desperados rode out of town like bats out of Hell.

Never had Belvedere seen outlaws or horses move so quickly.

Fat Tommy then started walking back towards the saloon.

“No, Fat Tommy,” Sherrielock ordered, “you’re not coming back in here tonight. I’ve yet to buy insurance on the chandeliers.”

-A western vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 6th
2016.

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