The Egyptian Vampiress Isis In The City of Florence

March 28, 2020 at 10:59 pm (Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Egyptian Vampiress Isis In The City of Florence 

The Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis allowed the full rays of the sun to bask on her face.

You may ask how is it possible for a vampiress to bask in the rays of the sun without becoming grilled to a crisp like a shrimp in a Louisiana Cajun restaurant?

The answer lay in a very powerful sunblock that had been developed many years ago by Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

However the sunblock for what ever reason only worked on vampiresses and not vampires.

Dr. Rocher made his discovery when trying the sunblock out on his two initial test subjects.

The sanity challenged scientist (who was the great grandson of immortal London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes and the great great grandson of 19th Century London criminal overlord Prof. James Moriarty – yes, Sherrielock Holmes had married Dr. Louis Rocher who was the illegitimate son of her twin brother’s mortal enemy although at the time neither Sherrielock nor Dr. Louis Rocher knew that the evil Prof. Moriarty was Louis’ real father) decided to pick an unpopular vampiress and an unpopular vampire to use as his test subjects since if they fried to a crisp in the daylight, no one would miss them.

For the unpopular vampiress, he picked a distant ancestress of the obnoxious Kardashian clan since being a Kardashian, she was regarded as being overrated in her field which in her case, her field was being a vampiress.

Sadly for those who despise the Kardashians, the sunblock worked on the vampiress ancestress of the Kardashian clan.

The vampiress Countess Kardashian went on to open up her own Instagram account where her pictures of her sucking the life force out of various mortal humans (an attribute passed on to her descendants) attracted over 10 million followers.

As for an unpopular vampire, Dr. Rocher selected Herr Daryl Larry Snerd a nighttime tax auditor for the American IRS.

Sadly for Herr Snerd, he went up in flames like the Hindenburg having a bad day over New Jersey.

After examining the compounds of the sunblock as well as analyzing the DNA in the vampiric blood samples he took from Countess Kardashian and Herr Snerd (prior to sending them out in the daylight as an LP record played Gale Garnett singing “We’ll sing in the sunshine…” in the background of what turned out to be the shortest lived duet in history as Countess Kardashian ended up singing solo), he determined that there was something about the female genetic makeup that allowed the sunblock to work on vampiresses but not vampires.

Of course transgendered vampires insisted that the sunblock would work on them since they had been born in the wrong gender.

But when they went up like a building on Arsonists’ Appreciation Day, the ghost of Col. Sanders would boot Lady Gaga singing Born This Way out of the way and start singing Fried That Way.

And so thanks to Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s efforts of many years ago, the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis (sister and sister-in-law of the London-based Egyptian vampire Set) was able to enjoy the city of Florence in the sunshine today without having to cope with loads of nauseating tourists since the city was under lockdown along with the rest of Italy.

She was approached by the ghost of the great Renaissance Florentine ruler Lorenzo de’ Medici (whom she had once met in the latter’s mortal lifetime).

“Good evening, your Majesty,” Lorenzo bowed to her, “I see you’re enjoying beautiful Florence in solitary peace and tranquility.”¬†

“I am, Lorenzo,” she smiled at him.

And with that ancient Egypt and Renaissance Italy briefly held hands as representatives of those two great civilizations watched the Florentine sun set.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday March 28th
2020.

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Baal Walks Through His Archway In Florence Italy

May 30, 2017 at 4:48 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

“Mr. President,” an adviser spoke to Donald Trump, “we’ve just been informed that the ancient Phoenician god Baal walked through a replica archway in the city of Florence.”

“Really?” said Donald Trump who had pushed a dozen people out of his way so he could be first in line at a White House buffet smorgasboard.

“Yes, the archway which is a replica of an ancient Roman victory arch that was built in Palmyra, Syria at the end of the 2nd Century BC and was blown up by ISIS in August 2015- the replica was put up in Florence Italy over a month ago and now the Phoenician god Baal has walked through it,” said his adviser.

“What will this mean for my Presidency?” Trump asked as he got sour cream for his baked potato stuck in his hair.

“We have no idea,” said his adviser.

“Well, then get back to me when you do,” Trump fumed, “God, I hate red spider monkey fur in my baked potato.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 30th
2017.

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Renfield Meets Isis In Paris

May 17, 2014 at 6:20 pm (Espionage, International Espionage, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Meets Isis In Paris

Renfield R. Renfield was sitting in an exclusive Parisienne sidewalk cafe restaurant and drinking cafe au lait while reading about the upcoming Florence Italy wedding nuptials of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West.

“I wonder if they’ll invite me to the wedding,” Renfield mused aloud as he added more sugar to his cafe au lait.

“You know Kim Kardashian or Kanye West?” The French waiter asked Renfield.

“She and her sisters once gave me a blow job underneath a table in a McDonald’s in Manhattan,” Renfield replied as he sprayed some whipping cream on top of his cafe au lait.

The waiter left.

Renfield was to meet the Egyptian Vampiress Isis in this restaurant to discuss a business proposition.

Renfield who worked for the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian Vampire Set didn’t know whether he should be meeting his Boss’ archenemy (who was also his boss’ sister and sister-in-law) but when Isis offered to take him to an exclusive Parisienne restaurant where they clandestinely served mermaid sandwiches made from mermaids caught from the River Seine, Renfield immediately accepted.

The only thing Renfield loved more than a tuna fish sandwich was a mermaid sandwich made from freshly caught mermaids and he had read in the Mermaid Connoisseur’s Digest that the Mermaids from the River Seine were an exceptionally exquisite delicacy.

He had never tried them before.

He had tried Japanese mermaid sushi in Tokyo and Irish mermaid cooked in Guinness in the town of Galway in Ireland but he had never tried French mermaid (fresh from the River Seine) cooked in a delicate red Burgundy wine and covered with a finely laced mushroom gravy.

Renfield decided not to bring his co-worker Amadeus Emanon with him on this particular business trip as Amadeus would always become visibly upset and start crying whenever Renfield ate a mermaid sandwich.

He would always start sobbing, “Ariel. Poor little Ariel.”

In his opinion, Amadeus had seen the Walt Disney animated film The Little Mermaid once too many times.

“I’m here,” the Vampiress Isis announced as she sat down in a beautiful beige evening dress.

She’s quite a looker, Renfield had to admit to himself.

In fact it took every ounce of his will power to stop himself from masturbating on the spot.

“So,” Isis explained the matter of the UFO that had crashed a few nights ago near Mesa, Arizona and how a U.S. Border Patrol officer had been disintegrated by a laser death ray fired from an ET gray’s gun, “I want you to steal this ET gray’s laser death ray gun and give it to me.”

“For what purpose?” Renfield asked as he bit into his hot steaming red Burgundy and mushroom gravy covered mermaid sandwich.

“That I can’t reveal,” Isis answered as she raised one side of her dress revealing a shapely black silk nylon covered leg.

Renfield used his napkin to cover his erection.

“Well,” said Renfield, “I need you to swear by Atum-Ra that you won’t use this laser death ray against my boss Set or any friend, acquaintance or employee of my boss Set.”

Isis raised her right hand and said, “By Atum-Ra, I do so swear.”

Renfield accepted this for no ancient Egyptian vampire or Vampiress worth his or her salt would swear an oath to Atum-Ra in vain.

“Why me?” Renfield asked.

“Because while I hate to admit this with you being an employee of my enemy Set and all,” she leaned forward showing her amply endowed breasts, “but in my opinion you’re the best thief in the world.”

Renfield had to admit that he was.

In fact Renfield had to admit that he often thought that the dashing and debonair Sir Sean Connery should play him in a film about one of his numerous master thief exploits.

Isis agreed.

They cemented the deal with an act of tantric sex on the dining room table.

In another corner of the restaurant, French President Francois Hollande stared in fixed fascination.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 17th
2014.

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