Cooking With Ricardo: A Short Story

May 29, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Short Story) (, , , , )

Cooking With Ricardo: A Short Story

The Food Channel on television in North America had just started a new program called Cooking With…

Each week would feature a new guest chef 👩‍🍳 👨‍🍳.

And the program for that day would be called Cooking With… whatever the guest chef’s name was.

For example, if the guest chef’s name was Carmen, the program would be called Cooking With Carmen. 👩‍🍳

If the guest chef’s name was Antoine, the program would be called Cooking With Antoine. 👨‍🍳

If the guest chef happened to be a politician of some sort or other, the program would be called Cooking With Gas.

Today’s program was called Cooking With Ricardo.

Food Channel Announcer: Welcome to today’s guest chef episode on the food channel Cooking With Ricardo. And now… here’s our guest chef… Ricardo.

Guest Chef: Today, I’m going to show you how to cook Vietnamese Style Pork Chops. Yes if you’re Donald Trump and you’ve just invited the President of the Islamic Republic of Iran 🇮🇷 over to your White House to bury the hatchet, nothing will seal friendlier relations between the Iranian and U.S. governments in the future than a delicious 😋 meal of Vietnamese style pork chops. While you’re at it, invite Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu over for dinner as well. I’m sure Vietnamese Style Pork Chops would be considered very kosher by the leading Orthodox rabbis in Israel.

(The guest chef emits a loud belch)

Guest Chef: Excuse me. That Johnnie Walker whisky 🥃 tasted as good coming up as it did going down. Now, I got this recipe for Vietnamese Style Pork Chops from my former Vietnamese girlfriend Ho Babylon Minh who broke up with me for some reason after watching her first Ron Jeremy porn film. She claimed Ron Jeremy had something I didn’t. I don’t know what that is. She also broke up later on with a house painter named Bill Campbell for the same reason.

Now for the Vietnamese Pork Chops Ho Babylon Minh style you use 4 pork chops although you can use other kinds of meat 🍖 🥩 as well as I sometimes do.

Okay,

The ingredients-

4 pork chops- bone 🍖 about 1 inch thick although Ho preferred her bones a lot thicker.
2 red bell peppers 🌶 seeded and quartered.
1/3 cup mirin.
2 tbsp rice vinegar.
1 tbsp sambal oelek or to taste (Ho told me I didn’t have any).
1 English cucumber 🥒 seeded and cut into small sticks.
2 cups thinly sliced red cabbage.
Hoisin sauce (optional).
Salt and pepper.

Directions-

1- Preheat the grill setting the burners to High. Brush oil onto the grate.

2- Oil the meat and bell peppers then season with salt and pepper.

3- Grill the meat about 5 minutes on each side or until medium rare. Set aside on a plate and let rest for 5 minutes.

4- Meanwhile grill the peppers on each side.

5- In a small bowl combine the mirin, rice vinegar and sambal oelek.

6- Place the chops on serving plates. Serve with the cucumber and roasted peppers. Add the red cabbage over the vegetables. Drizzle with the dressing. Serve with a little hoisin sauce if desired.

(The guest chef then emits a loud belch)

Guest chef: I’d like to thank my assistant Johnnie Walker for helping me get through this program. I’d like to thank the Food Channel for having me. And I’d like to thank you the television audience for inviting me into your home (I still miss Ho Babylon Minh’s place). This will probably be the first and last episode of Cooking With Ricardo that you’ll ever see.

Food Channel Announcer: You’ve got that right, Ricardo.

Guest chef: Oh, I’m not Ricardo.

Food Channel Announcer: You’re not Ricardo? Who the Hell are you then?

Guest chef: I’m Umberto his former friend.

Food Channel Announcer: Where the Hell is Ricardo?

Umberto (holding up a bone 🍖): Well, here’s a piece of him here. (Holds up another bone 🍖) And here’s another piece of him here.
(Smiles at the camera 🎥) I’m Umberto your guest chef and I’ve been cooking with… Ricardo.

-A short story written by
Christopher
Tuesday May 29th
2018.

Ho Babylon Minh: Former girl friend of today’s guest chef

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