Renfield Leaves Paris

February 26, 2014 at 7:02 pm (Humour, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Leaves Paris

Renfield R. Renfield had a whirlwind past few days.

Last Saturday, Renfield had received a Presidential pardon from French President Francois Hollande for a crime he had committed.

The crime was cutting off a man’s ear.

The man it turned out was the most unpopular judge on the Parisienne Idol talent show.

Every singer that was first on his list was always last on every other judge’s list.

And every singer in last place on his list was always first on every other judge’s list.

So when Renfield was released from jail last Saturday, he received loud cheers and a hero’s welcome from crowds waiting outside the jail.

He was given free accommodation at the Westin Paris Vendome Hotel.

On Sunday, he was presented with keys to the City by the Mayor of Paris.

On Monday, members of the French National Assembly passed a motion that Renfield be awarded the French Legion of Honour Medal.

On Monday evening, the judge wearing a bandage on one side of his head gave results on the show that this time were about half-way in line with the thinking of the audience and the other judges.

On Tuesday evening, Renfield enjoyed an All Expenses Paid evening at the Paris Opera House.

When he returned to his hotel, a beautiful young woman from Normandy whom he had met once before (under less auspicious circumstances) was standing there dressed in Parisienne lingerie and black silk nylon stockings and black spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes and carrying a Geiger counter.

She offered to sleep with him.

Renfield took her up on her offer.

Today Wednesday February 26th as he boarded the plane to return home to London, he received a military band send-off and a 21 gun salute from the French Army.

Renfield waved and blew kisses to the crowd before boarding the plane.

. . .

As Amadeus Emanon and Athelstan the butler and valet to billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set watched this whole spectacle unfold on BBC World News on television, Athelstan remarked to Amadeus, “It would appear sir that Mr. Renfield is the type of individual who could fall down an outhouse and come up smelling like a rose.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 26th
2014.

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Winter Olympics Open In Sochi and More Fallout Over Kiev

February 7, 2014 at 8:39 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Winter Olympics Open In Sochi and More Fallout Over Kiev

Renfield R. Renfield and Amadeus Emanon were watching the highlights of the Opening Ceremony of the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi on BBC World News.

“Say,” Amadeus asked between munches of hot buttered popcorn, “isn’t that the Norse vampire Odin and the Norse vampire Thor walking on one side of the stadium and the Norse vampire Loki and the Norse wolf Fenrir walking on the other?”.

Renfield looked up from the book he was reading by early 20th Century Italian Marxist theoretician Antonio Gramsci and glanced at the screen, “Yes, I believe it is.”

The scene then switched to Bosnia-Herzegovina where anti- government protests had turned violent.

“Say isn’t that the Ancient Greek vampire Ares in the crowd eating a Mars bar?” Amadeus asked between sips from a bottle of Coca-Cola whose ingredients were listed in the Spanish language (which no doubt would have offended a U.S. Republican Congressman of the Tea Party variety).

“I believe so,” Renfield looked up from his iPhone where he was checking French President Francois Hollande’s Facebook status that read “I did not have sexual relations with that woman…” although he had written it in French.

As a comment below the status, someone had posted a photo of a cartoon caricature of Francois Hollande looking like an extended nose Pinocchio.

On the darkened streets of Sarajevo at night, the BBC News cameras showed the ghost of an assassinated Austrian Archduke walking around saying, “I am the ghost of Franz Ferdinand doomed these past one hundred years to walk the night…”

BBC World News then showed the streets of Kiev where the ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith was walking around hitting Ukrainian policemen on the head with a smart phone shaped spiked stiletto high-heeled shoe while a Ukrainian protestor whistled the theme song from the old 1960s American TV series Get Smart.

“I wonder what Lilith is doing in Kiev?” Amadeus asked as he reached into a bucket of chicken wings

“Maybe looking for a good recipe for Chicken Kiev,” Renfield responded while glancing through a biography of Neville Chamberlain.

The BBC News then showed a video of German Chancellor Angela Merkel looking apoplectic while blasting the United States for a derogatory remark that U.S. Assistant Secretary of State Victoria Nuland had made about the EU in a phone conversation with the U.S. Ambassador to Ukraine.

“F— the EU,” the bugged recording of the conversation had Victoria Nuland saying.

As Renfield flipped through the pages of a book called The Role of The Kama Sutra in Geopolitics and International Relations, Amadeus asked him, “Who do you suppose is responsible for bugging that phone conversation between Assistant Secretary of State Nuland and the U.S. Ambassador to Ukraine?”.

Renfield a renowned hacker, wiretapper and eavesdropper in his own right grinned but said nothing.

Outside the window of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s estate, a colossal raven sat in the branches of a giant oak tree and looking in and eavesdropping on Amadeus and Renfield started to crow, “It’s all a Jewish conspiracy. It’s all a Jewish conspiracy.”

The raven raised its right claw on which it had a black swastika decorated armband.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 7th
2014

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