An Early May Evening In The Life of Agathor Christie

May 9, 2017 at 4:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds’ sitting incumbent British Conservative MP Agathor Christie was in his large comfortable Tewkesbury home.

He was waiting by the door.

Waiting for his French maid Simone to come home.

When Simone walked through the door, she was surprised to see her employer standing there.

“What are you doing standing there with such a firm look on your face, Monsieur?” Simone looked at him, “I feel like I’ve done something something naughty.”

“You have done something naughty, Simone,” Agathor Christie looked as grave as a freshly dug cemetery plot, “Very, very naughty indeed.”

“Are you going to give me a spanking, Monsieur?” Simone placed her hands protectively on her short tight skirted buttocks.

“Not tonight, Simone,” Mr. Christie continued to look as stern as the back part of a ship.

Simone managed to breathe a sigh of relief and yet intense disappointment at the same time.

“What was it that I did, Monsieur?” She asked while batting her eyelashes at him.

“I got a visit from the Acting Deputy Chief Constable of Gloucestershire County this morning,” Agathor Christie poured himself a glass of brandy, “apparently you assaulted one of my opponent rival candidates in the Nottingham Arms Pub yesterday. While I admire your attempt at being naughty in the Nottingham Arms and further hitting one of my opponents, unfortunately it spells bad publicity for me.”

“I’m sorry, Monsieur,” Simone curtsied, “I did not know he was your opponent. I just assaulted him because he had insulted the French people.”

“I’d never heard of the bloke either until I got this visit from the Acting Deputy Chief Constable,” Agathor finished his brandy and then poured himself another, “I’d never even heard of his bloody party either. Something with a multi-syllable sounding name. It sounded like something straight out of Monty Python.”

Agathor Christie was, of course, referring to Renfield R. Renfield of the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti-Bio Conservative Party.

“May I have a brandy too, Monsieur?” Simone looked at him with an Oliver Twist approaching Mr. Bumble-like expression.

“Well, we’ll discuss your drinking on the job on another occasion, Mademoiselle Simone,” Agathor Christie said firmly.

Once again putting her hands protectively on her short tight skirted buttocks and yet smiling broadly at the same time, Simone said, “Very good, Monsieur.”

“Now, you run off to bed while I make myself a cold roast beef sandwich in the kitchen,” Agathor Christie directed.

As Christie made himself a cold roast beef sandwich, he heard a lot of banging around and noise coming from the living room.

After he had eaten his sandwich and turned off the kitchen light, he walked into the living room.

Where he noticed Simone had made quite the mess going up the stairs.

Simone The French Maid Going Up The Stairs

That woman would really need a good talking to.

Perhaps more.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 9th
2017.

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Renfield’s Analysis of The French Presidential Election

May 8, 2017 at 4:19 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Renfield R. Renfield was staying in the town of Tewkesbury where he was running as the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti-Bio Conservative Party candidate in the constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds.

His friend Amadeus Emanon was up from London visiting him to see how the campaign was going.

“It’s an exciting dynamic campaign all around,” said Renfield as he sat next to the pub dog in the Nottingham Arms Pub in Tewkesbury. The dog yawned and fell asleep next to Renfield.

“What do you think of yesterday’s French Presidential election results?” Amadeus asked referring to centrist candidate Emmanuel Macron’s overwhelming victory in the Sunday May 7th 2017 French Presidential election.

“Well,” said Renfield while eating his tuna fish and scallop omelette, “it appears that the French people have elected a brown nosed butt kisser for the New World Order to be their new President.”

“I take it you don’t approve of the result,” Amadeus remarked with his usual sense of classic understatement.

“No,” Renfield broke wind sending the pub dog fleeing out the pub door, “it would have been much better if the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party candidate the Kraken Napoleon VI had come in first instead of 12th and last in last month’s !st Presidential round of voting. And then won the Presidential election yesterday. But the French people were too stupid to do that. A pity really. The Kraken Napoleon VI could have declared himself Emperor of France and his wife the ex-Gorgon Medusa would have become Empress. With a 3rd French Empire and Imperial Court, we could have gotten rid of the inherent stupidity of French democracy once and for all.”

“French democracy is inherently stupid?” Amadeus asked as he ate his escargots.

“Yes,” Renfield nodded as he dug into his British steak and kidney pie, “you see there’s one inherent major underlying problem with French democracy.”

“And what’s the one inherent major underlying problem with French democracy?” Amadeus asked as he bit into his camembert loaded croissant.

“The one inherent major underlying problem with French democracy,” Renfield explained, “is that it’s French people who are involved in the voting and decision making process. No wonder you have such disastrous results and major screw-ups.”

At that moment, a woman wearing a French maid outfit walked through the door.

Renfield immediately rushed up to her and said, “I love it when women wear French maid outfits.”

“That’s good, monsieur,” she replied in a sexy French accent, “because I am French and I do happen to be a maid.”

“Wonderful,” Renfield used every ounce of self-control he had to prevent his tongue from hanging out and panting, “I love the French people.”

“You should have just heard what he was saying about the French people a moment ago,” Amadeus quipped as he ate a raspberry parfait.

Renfield’s face immediately turned Bolshevik red.

“And what was that, Monsieur?” The French maid turned towards Amadeus.

Amadeus repeated Renfield’s statement verbatim and with terminological exactitude.

The kick the French maid delivered Renfield with one of her spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes sent Renfield flying into the liquor cabinet behind the bar.

It was an unforgettable start to his own personal election campaign.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 8th 2017.

Simone The French Maid
Simone the French Maid: Not impressed with Renfield R. Renfield’s analysis of what is the major underlying problem with French democracy.

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