Norse Goddess Freya On The Canals of Venice

April 16, 2020 at 10:51 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Norse Goddess Freya On The Canals of Venice

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set, Dr. Cadbury Rocher the chief scientist of Set Enterprises, British MP Renfield R. Renfield, Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds one of the Church of England’s leading exorcists, Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol and Australian outback based Amadeus Emanon were having another video conferencing discussion via Skype.

“Well, the economy will have to open up again gradually,” Set stated, “or the world is going to fall into a great economic depression from which it will never recover. Not of course that the Communists in the WHO, the UN, the Vatican or numerous national bureaucracies all over the globe care since a great economic depression is right up their Marxist totalitarian despot alley. But it will have to take place gradually not full speed ahead like the would be American Neo-Roman Caesar Donald Trump would have it. I think though all major public events all over the world such as sporting events, concerts, parades, rodeos and any other massive public gatherings will have to be put on hold until at least September 30th of this year. Let’s be realistic about that. If governments all over the world would say that, they’d be honest. After a while of extending lockdowns for 25 days after every 25 days which seems to be the way the bozos of our national leaders all over the world seem to be going, people are going to start getting cynical about the whole thing. There can be a gradual opening up of various businesses over the new few months. But any large events or massive public gatherings are out. Until at least September 30th of this year. And sadly maybe even beyond if necessary. But at least prepare the world for the fact that no major sporting events or parades or concerts or massive social gatherings are going to happen this summer of 2020. And not until a week after the autumn equinox after that.”

“If the governments of the world were honest, they’d tell people that,”
Renfield admitted.

“But are most of the governments of the world honest?” Amadeus asked as he ate a slice of pecan pie.

“No,” Renfield sipped from a bottle of whisky.

“Glad to see that we’ve got that out of the way,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher dusted some dandruff off his lab coat.

“What does Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster have to say about the world political scene?” Set asked Dr. Rocher.

“Well, he says that Joe Biden is not going to get the Democratic Presidential nomination this year,” Dr. Rocher wiped his glasses.

“Why not?” Set swallowed another live crocodile, “I thought Biden had the number of delegates pretty well sewn up including every other candidate (among which was Bernie Sanders) endorsing him.”

“Yes, but ever since January of this year, Michelangelo has had this vision of Joe Biden keeling over,” Dr. Rocher noted.

“Keeling over?” Set took a giant Rolaids tablet for his giant heart burn.

“Kicking the bucket, croaking,” Dr. Rocher explained as a frog hopped out of a frozen ice bucket of Corona beer behind him.

“Well, that would definitely upend the U.S. Democratic Party if that were to happen,” Renfield lit his pipe.

“Wasn’t Michelangelo the only being on the planet back in early October of 2016 who was predicting that Donald Trump would win the Presidency when all the opinion polls were showing that he was 20 points behind Hillary?” Amadeus asked.

“There was a geopolitical analyst who found himself having to live in a homeless shelter in Calgary back in the summer and early autumn of 2016 who was saying much the same thing,” Renfield was on to his second bottle of whisky, “And everyone was telling him that he was crazy. But like so often, his insanity turned out to be more accurate than everybody else’s sanity.”

“So who’s going to be the Democratic nominee?” Set bit into a marmalade laced scone.

“Michelangelo won’t say,” Dr. Rocher shrugged, “He’s keeping those cards close to his chest.”

“Michelangelo always was a Hell of a poker player,” Renfield was suddenly remembering that he still owed the lobster £10,000 from their last poker game.

“Anything else about the U.S. political scene we should know vis-a-vis Michelangelo?” Set bit into some homemade apple pie.

“The U.S. Presidential election may be postponed until a later date,” Dr. Rocher answered as the ghost of Nero started playing his fiddle in the background and the ghost of Julius Caesar started getting the blood washed off his toga.

. . .

The Jesuit priest Father Caiaphas bar Yochai stood inside the empty Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris and admired his handiwork.

A year ago yesterday Father Caiaphas had set fire to it while riding a fire breathing basilisk named Basilisk Wrathsbone.

Father Caiaphas laughed as he opened up his 1588 Latin edition of The Necronomicon and started saying a few prayers.

. . .

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had received an emergency email from the Norse goddess Freya saying that her stepson Thor was up to no good in this time of the Covid-19 pandemic.

They were to meet in person in gondolas on the now empty canals of Venice.

The Norse goddess Freya waited for Dracul Van Helsing in her gondola on the canals of Venice.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Thursday April 16th
2020.

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The Hoover-Orsic Transcripts

December 20, 2019 at 11:35 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Hoover-Orsic Transcripts

“I never thought it would be so much fun burglaring J. Edgar Hoover’s office at the FBI Building in Washington DC,” the ghost of Orson Welles remarked to Dracul Van Helsing.

Using a miniature time tunnel that Dr. Cadbury Rocher was working on at Set Enterprises in London, the pair had temporarily travelled back in time to Washington DC in 1939.

What sent the certainly unusual dynamic duo on their mission was a message that Dracul Van Helsing had received from Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

Whitstable was currently in the German capital Berlin investigating an attempt to open up the unmarked grave of Nazi SS officer Reinhard Heydrich.

The Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau vampire Franz Kohler and Gavin Brown a voodoo practitioner with ties to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation were the ones responsible for trying to dig up Heydrich’s grave.

The attempt ended after the grave digging gang of six men were attacked by a flock of pigeons.

Whitstable in his investigation had discovered that Franz Kohler believed the transcripts of a secret meeting between J. Edgar Hoover and Maria Orsic of the occultic Vril Society that took place in Washington DC in 1939 had been buried with Heydrich’s remains.

A computerized laser examination of Heydrich’s grave yesterday using technology developed by Dr. Cadbury Rocher had shown there were no documents in Heydrich’s casket.

But now Whitstable was curious as to why Kohler wanted a copy of those transcripts.

Whitstable discovered that the meeting between Maria Orsic and J. Edgar Hoover had taken place on December 18th 1939.

Whitstable relayed that information to Van Helsing.

Seeing as how Dr. Rocher wanted a test for his time tunnel, he offered to send Van Helsing to J. Edgar Hoover’s office 80 years ago today.

And Van Helsing could steal Hoover’s copy of the transcripts.

The ghost of Orson Welles (who along with the ghost of Winston Churchill was serving as a spirit advisor to British MP Renfield R. Renfield) offered to go along with Van Helsing for the ride.

And so now here they were searching through Hoover’s drawers (his file drawers that is!) trying to find any transcripts of a meeting between Hoover and the Vril Society medium Maria Orsic.

“Gentlemen,” said the Norse goddess Freya as she sat in Hoover’s office smoking a cigarette, “I presume you’re looking for the transcripts of the meeting between Mr. Hoover and Miss Orsic?”.

“We are,” Van Helsing answered.

“Well then follow me,” Freya got up and walked over to another part of the office.

“With pleasure,” Van Helsing replied as he followed her.

“Oh, to be mortal again,” Welles’ ghost sighed.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Friday December 20th
2019.

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Norse Goddess Freya, Dracul Van Helsing, Boris Johnson and The Kraken

September 16, 2019 at 10:24 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Norse Goddess Freya, Dracul Van Helsing, Boris Johnson and The Kraken

The Norse goddess Freya was on the phone talking to Dracul Van Helsing

“Did you see that empty podium next to the Prime Minister of Luxembourg Xavier Bettel at what was supposed to be the press conference between him and Boris Johnson discussing Brexit?”

“And Dracul, you say the reason Johnson avoided the press conference was because the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist MEP The Kraken Napoleon VI had a two for the price of one Buffet coupon that was about to expire in another hour and the Kraken had invited Johnson for lunch?”

“Sure, do come over to my place, Dracul.”

“I’m always up for tantric sex, anytime, anywhere.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Monday September 16th
2019.

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The Russian Spy Beluga Whale Defector, Dracul Van Helsing and Norse Goddess Freya

July 26, 2019 at 10:55 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Russian Spy Beluga Whale Defector, Dracul Van Helsing and Norse Goddess Freya

A beluga whale who was a spy for the Russians had recently defected to Norway a few months back.

The whale had been helped in his defection by the ghost of Orson Welles.

After the whale had successfully defected, Welles’ ghost eventually returned to England where he served as a spirit advisor to British MP Renfield R. Renfield (who had just been named to the British cabinet as Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering).

The whale meanwhile had spent the past few months being debriefed by Norwegian Navy and Norwegian Intelligence officials.

The beluga had ate a great quantity of fish during this time although the whale said he “didn’t care much for lutefisk” much to the disappointment of Norway’s Minister of Culture.

The beluga told the Norwegians that much was happening under the sea these days.

Poseidon had had his trident stolen by the Syro-Phoenician mermaid goddess Atargatis.

The trident was given to Russian scientists who had developed a new submarine weapon with it.

The beluga (who had taken the name Melville) also said that the Norse deity of the ocean who was the sea jotunn Aegir and was also the major thrower of parties for the Norse gods and goddesses had recently started selling his ale (brewed in a huge cauldron provided by Thor and Tyr) to mortals.

Most mortals were incapable of handling the hangover that the ale gave them, the beluga stated, and when combined with certain other liquors could prove fatal to mortals.

One of the last things he had heard, Melville said (while posing for a photo with someone wearing a Herman Munster mask), was that The Ten Bells Pub in London used Aegir Ale and combined it with 9 liquors to make a shooter called The T-Rex.

If any mortal drank more than one T-Tex shooter, it would kill them.

The Norse goddess Freya, who had her own stenographer present at the beluga whale debriefing, informed Dracul Van Helsing of this.

“Renfield,” Dracul replied, “as in many other matters, is an exception to this rule.”

“Well,” Freya stood up from her dressing table and chair, “come and show me what rules you’re an exception to.”

Dracul did just that.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Friday July 26th
2019.

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Boris Johnson, Greek God Ares, Dracul Van Helsing and Norse Goddess Freya

July 24, 2019 at 10:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Boris Johnson, Greek God Ares, Dracul Van Helsing and Norse Goddess Freya

It was the last Prime Minister’s Question Period in the British House of Commons for Theresa May in her role as Prime Minister of The United Kingdom prior to passing the Prime Ministerial baton to Boris Johnson.

The very last question to her was posed by Renfield R. Renfield the British Transhumanist MP for Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds.

Renfield stood up and asked Mrs. May, “What is the speed velocity of a swallow?”.

To which Mrs. May responded, “Are you talking about the African swallow or the European swallow?”.

To which Renfield replied, “I don’t know.”

Soon Renfield found himself being carried by an invisible force through the air.

Unlike the poor sap medieval hermit in Monty Python and The Holy Grail who asked “Questions three” by the bridge to King Arthur’s knights, Renfield was not sent into a deep chasm in the earth for not knowing the answer but found himself transported upwards to the House of Commons Press Gallery where he ended up in the lap of BBC News Anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy.

. . .

Donald Trump was watching Mrs. May’s final Prime Minister’s Question Period on television in the Oval Office.

“Lexington,” Trump remarked to his British butler and valet, “is there really a difference in the speed velocity of swallows between Europeans and Africans and who has the greater speed velocity?”.

“Sir,” Lexington who knew Trump’s mind (or lack thereof!) inside and out answered, “I believe the swallows to which both Mr. Renfield and Mrs. May are referring are the variety of birds and not what you’re thinking about.”

“Oh,” Trump answered.

Bill and Hillary Clinton were carrying on a very similar conversation.

. . .

The Greek god Apollo was lying in a lounge chair in a garden not far from the Acropolis when Ares walked by looking a little downcast.

Apollo (who was Greek god of music) was listening to the songs of Nat King Cole on his iPhone headphones when Ares walked by.

Apollo took off his headphones.

“You look very depressed,” Apollo said looking somewhat concerned.

“It turns out Boris Johnson is naming Renfield R. Renfield to the British cabinet as Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering after all,” Ares wept crocodile tears (as he had put crocodile DNA rather than eye tear droplets in his eyes this morning), “this may ruin the best laid plans of Morrigan the Celtic goddess of war, Thor the Norse god of thunder and myself for planning a global war.”

Apollo put his iPhone headphones back on and went back to listening to Nat King Cole as Ares continued to weep crocodile tears.

. . .

The Norse goddess Freya was in her country estate in Norway listening to the radio when she heard the news that Renfield had been appointed to the British cabinet as Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering and his parliamentary colleague the Welsh vampiress Morgana had been named Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Midnight Security.

At that moment, the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing showed up at the door with a bottle of wine.

“Mr. Van Helsing,” Freya said to him, “how would you like to step into my art studio and I’ll show you my etchings?”.


Norse Goddess Freya: Offers to show her etchings to Dracul Van Helsing

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 24th
2019,

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One Hell of A Snowstorm From Hel The Norse Goddess

January 30, 2019 at 11:58 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, weather) (, , , , , , , , , , )


Norse Goddess Hel: Do come in out of the cold, Mr. Van Helsing, and come warm yourself inside my welcoming fireplace.

Much of the United States was suffering one Hell of a cold spell and one Hell of a snowstorm.

And it was being caused by Hel the goddess of the Norse frozen underworld.

She had brought one Hell of a polar vortex with her from her abyss in the frozen northern wastelands.

She was able to do so because Wotan/Odin the chief of the Norse Germanic pantheon of gods (known as the AEsir) and King of Asgard was currently in a Set Enterprises eye clinic in London under the care of Dr. Cadbury Rocher as a result of his one good eye being hit by an arrow fired from the Celtic stag god Cernunnos’ crossbow on a U.S. Republican Party Country Club deer hunting trip gone horribly awry and hideously astray.

Since Wotan/Odin wasn’t around to veto the idea, Hel decided to have some fun.

She was currently in a Chicago hotel enjoying both the cold and the snow storm from inside her warmly heated luxury hotel room.

The Norse trickster god Loki was in a Chicago park trying to re-enact a scene from the 1997 Julia Roberts movie My Best Friend’s Wedding and ended up getting his tongue frozen to the ice cold pussy of a frozen ice sculpture statue of the Greek goddess Aphrodite.

The Norse wolf Fenrir and the Baphomet (who was currently in Chicago on a cross-country speaking tour raising funds for the U.S. Democratic Party) laughed heartedly as a Chicago Fire Department welding unit was brought in to free Loki’s tongue from Aphrodite’s pussy.

Dracul Van Helsing was currently walking around Chicago caught in a vortex of time caught between a Chicago in a black and white Hollywood film movie set of the 1930s and the Chicago of the January 30th 2019 polar vortex snowstorm from Hell caused by Hel.

The vortex of time was brought about by the mad scientists at the CERN Large Hadron Collidor tunnel in Switzerland interfering with Dracul’s Houdini-Tesla prototype magic lanterns by which the Canadian vampire hunter was able to time travel.

Shiva had aided CERN scientists in doing this.

Shiva’s wife Kali on the other hand had reached out to help Dracul Van Helsing.

For some reason, Kali’s mention of Dracul Van Helsing on a previous occasion had caused Shiva to turn into a green-eyed monster.

The ghost of Orson Welles, looking very much like the ghost of Christmas Past in Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, appeared to Van Helsing.

“Persephone the Greek goddess of the underworld has sent me to help you,” Welles’ ghost explained, “Van Helsing, you seem to work your way into the most precarious situations. I really don’t understand it.”

Welles’ ghost led Van Helsing on to a Persian flying carpet where they flew through the air to the Mysterious Goddess Hotel in Chicago.

There the Norse goddess Hel invited Van Helsing into her room.

An invitation from the Norse goddess Hel to Dracul Van Helsing.

As Hel and Van Helsing made out and practiced tantric sex on a bear skin rug in front of the fireplace, Welles’ ghost complained about the fact that he was reduced to making porno films in the 21st Century.

Welles and Van Helsing left the room whereupon the door to the next room magically opened and the Norse goddess Freya the Queen of Asgard invited Van Helsing in:

Freya: Do come in and stay awhile, Mr. Van Helsing.

As Van Helsing and Freya engaged in a Kama Sutra tantric sex encounter,
Welles remarked over the Riesling wine and the delicious Norse cod that he was eating, “Well Van Helsing, there’s nothing like forging an alliance between Odin/Wotan and Shiva in one cosmic act of revenge.”

Next door, Morrigan the Celtic goddess of war invited Van Helsing in for a lesson as Welles watched.

Welles drowned his voyeurism in pints of Guinness and bottles of Irish whiskey.

Finally Zeus’ daughter Artemis the Greek goddess of the moon made the Call of The Wild from next door.

Artemis displays a full moon for Van Helsing on this evening.

“Zeus, Shiva and Odin/Wotan in a triple alliance,” Welles moaned over several bucketloads of the best French champagne as he watched the divinely cosmic sexual encounter.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 30th
2019.

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Dracul Van Helsing Meets The Norse Goddess Freya

September 25, 2017 at 3:27 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

The results of the German national election were in.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel had won a 4th term in office.

But the far-right ultra-nationalist AfD (Alternative fur Deutschland) came in 3rd place in the number of seats they won in the German Bundestag.

The Norse goddess Freya knew this would amount to trouble.

Already the Germanic god Wotan (whose Norse name was Odin) was making plans with the grey wolf formerly known as Adolf to take advantage of AfD’s surprising showing.

Ever since the bloodshed unleashed by German leaders Kaiser Wilhelm II and Fuhrer Adolf Hitler during the 20th Century, Freya thought of herself as more a Norse goddess rather than a Germanic goddess.

Today she would be meeting with vampire hunter and MI-6 agent Dracul Van Helsing to discuss the German election result and AfD’s showing.

Given his background in investigating matters supernatural and paranormal, Dracul would take note of Freya’s knowledge of the dark supernatural forces involved in AfD’s upsurge in popularity among the German electorate.

Plus Dracul Van Helsing was friends with British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield believed to be Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II’s most favoured choice to become Prime Minister should a National Unity coalition government be formed in the Westminster Parliament.

Freya sat there waiting for him.

Dracul Van Helsing approached.

“Are you ready to get started?” Freya asked.

“Yes,” Dracul answered, “but only if you take me over your knee and spank me first.”

“All right,” Freya adjusted her gray mini dress for she had been expecting this request, “lay across my skirt and I’ll spank you.”

She had heard that Dracul had made this request of other goddesses and vampiresses before entering into delicate negotiations.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 25th
2017.

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