Friday The 13th Harvest Moon

September 13, 2019 at 10:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Poetry, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Friday the 13th Harvest Moon

Try not to think of this as your death,
The vampiress approached,
It’s just another harvest moon,
She glimmered in the full light of the moon,
Her hair, her gown,
She was luminous,
An angel of light….

“Bat out of Hell…” Meatloaf sang on the radio…
“Could be one and the same thing,”
The vampiress laughed as she approached,
“But it is just another harvest moon…”

“A Friday the 13th Harvest Moon,” said the man tied up in the chair,
“A black cat crossed my path today,
I walked under a ladder,
I crossed knives,
I looked a Greek tycoon’s gift horse in the mouth today at the racetrack
And I ran a hockey goalie named Jason over with my car today
getting my tires slashed in the process.”

“I understand there’s a werewolf howling in the rainforests of the Amazon tonight,” the vampiress smiled,
“On this harvest moon,”
She continued to sing.

“The werewolf would be Magog Rhys Petley,”
said the man,
“A London based Welsh private eye bitten by a snake’s head named Rahu during a lunar eclipse many years ago,
Turned the poor fellow into a werewolf for some reason,
Lev Tomi hired him to find out who’s setting fire to the Amazon rainforests
And now he’s howling away under a harvest moon.”

“On this harvest moon,” the vampiress sang.

“I wonder if Neil Young would like your cover,” the man said.

The vampiress’ gown fell off her shoulders on to the floor.

“I guess he would,” smiled the man, 
“he’d probably like you under cover as well.”

“And what about you, Inspector Depp?” The vampiress asked the Scotland Yard detective, “Would you like me under cover?”.

“It’s a Friday the 13th Harvest Moon,” Depp answered, “Why not?”.

The vampiress bit his neck, drained all his blood and left him for dead.

“Like Britain after Halloween,” the vampiress laughed.

She walked out into the night where she was followed by a black jaguar with silver eyes.

The vampiress walked to the clock tower of Big Ben.

She turned and faced the Jaguar.

She once again dropped her gown.

The Black Jaguar turned into a man who made love to her.

And the bells of Big Ben, which were supposed to be silent while being repaired, started playing the tune, 
“On this Harvest Moon…”

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 13th

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Friday The 13th: Dante’s Inferno On A Friday Night

July 13, 2018 at 10:21 pm (Commentary, Horror, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Theology) (, , , , )

Friday The 13th: Dante’s Inferno On A Friday Night

It was 101 years today on July 13th 1917 that the Virgin Mary Mother of Jesus showed the three shepherd children of Fatima Portugal a vision of Hell showing that Hell actually did exist.

Why was it necessary to show the children a vision of Hell when most Catholics and most Christians in 1917 actually believed in the existence of Hell?

The explanation was probably found in the Third Secret of Fatima.

According to Malachi Martin (who actually read the Third Secret but was under oath not to reveal it) when he appeared on the Art Bell Coast To Coast AM radio show back in the late 1990s, he told Bell that he could not reveal the secret but if any listener phoned in with the words of the Secret, he would not deny those weren’t the words.

When a caller phoned in and said that someday a Pope would be elected who was under the direct control of Satan, Father Martin said that was indeed part of the Third Secret.

When the Vatican supposedly released the Third Secret of Fatima back on June 26th 2000 (less than a year after Malachi Martin died in July 1999), those words about a “Pope being under the control of Satan” were found nowhere in the text released by the Vatican.

What might a Pope under the control of Satan do?

Well he might for example openly deny the existence of Hell.

So here it’s July 13th 2018- 101 years after the Virgin Mary showed the 3 shepherd children the actual existence of Hell.

You’ve got a Pope on the papal throne who on numerous occasions has denied the existence of Hell including a newspaper interview published back on Maundy Thursday this year (the day before Good Friday) in which he denied the existence of Hell.

And now it turns out this year that July 13th falls on a Friday night- Friday the 13th.

Here’s a photo montage music video I made 10 years ago called Dante’s Inferno On A Friday Night:

-A commentary written by
Friday July 13th

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Friday The 13th Massacre Pan Goatee Style

November 13, 2015 at 8:19 pm (Commentary, Culture, Horror, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Friday The 13th Massacre Pan Goatee Style

It was Friday the 13th.

A festive holiday for serial killers everywhere.

In honour of that serial killer with the hockey mask and big knife who’s always penalized for slashing- Jason.

Friday the 13th was to serial killers what Christmas, Hanukkah and Diwali were to other people.

Serial killer Pan Goatee, who now worked as a contract hired assassin for the U.S. government and therefore just did serial killing as a hobby, grabbed his laser light beam machete.

When Pan Goatee decided that he was far more intelligent than your average run of the mill serial killers a year and a half ago, he noticed that many serial killers predominantly killed beautiful women as their victims.

This was strange, Pan Goatee thought to himself on an evening of profound philosophical reflection.

God only knows, Pan contemplated, there were too few beautiful women and too many ugly women in the world already.

Particularly in those so-called advanced western countries where The Oprah Show enjoyed immense popularity after that no-good interfering busybody spent decades telling women that they were good just the way they were.

This piece of sophist reasoning had led to an explosion of female ugliness unprecedented in human history.

If the angelic sons of God had come down to earth today and had seen the daughters of men like they did in Genesis Chapter 6 (where it was written back then, “That the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives of all which they chose” thus leading to the procreation of Nephilim- giants), it would surely be written today, “That the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were ugly; they regurgitated en masse and hurriedly left the planet never to return”.

There would be no giants in the earth these days.

Thus Pan Goatee had a moment of intellectual epiphany and he would do what no serial killer had done before.

He would only bump off ugly women.

And in so doing, make the world a more beautiful place to live.

Surely those great practitioners of aesthetics and lovers of beauty like Nietzsche, Oscar Wilde and the Greek god Apollo would most wholeheartedly approve.

And so Pan Goatee headed out that morning of Friday November 13th on his own personal urban beautification improvement project.

As he walked down a back alley, he noticed a woman walking her dog straight ahead.

Some strange looking man came walking down the alley and frightened the dog.

The dog started barking and the woman turned and pulled the dog away from the maniacal looking man.

At the moment she turned around, Pan Goatee noticed how repulsively ugly she was.

“Egad,” Pan Goatee emptied his breakfast on the side of the lane, “Some dog is out taking her dog for a walk.”

As the maniac man passed him by looking thoroughly crazed and insane, Pan Goatee walked up to the ugly looking woman and beheaded her.

“This wouldn’t have happened if you had had the courtesy to wear a paper bag over your head when you went out today,” Pan Goatee remarked as he beheaded her.

The four-legged dog barked and snarled.

Pan Goatee beheaded him as well.

“We must put an end to noise pollution in the city,” Pan Goatee commented as he permanently silenced the yippy creature’s excessive barking.

Pan Goatee looked back down the alley at the maniacal looking man who seemed to be walking around in circles as he walked.

“Hm,” Pan Goatee thought to himself, “We can’t have such deranged looking maniacs wandering the streets either. They’re a threat to civilization.”

Pan Goatee walked up to the maniacal deranged looking man and beheaded him.

“We must stop insanity in its tracks while we still have the time,” was Pan Goatee’s verbal homespun bit of philosophy as he sent the man to Hades’ Home For The Chronically Insane.

He then kicked the maniac’s severed head down the alley where it went a fair distance.

Hm, he really should try out to play for Manchester United or maybe a position as a field goal kicker for an NFL team.

That afternoon he beheaded an ugly female cyclist who not only visually assaulted the city with her looks but was also using her bike on the sidewalks instead of the streets as well.

He then beheaded a couple of ugly looking women pedestrians who got too close to him on the sidewalk as he walked along.

After a successful day of beheadings, he went home and read some Nietzsche and Oscar Wilde before going to bed.

Jason would have been proud.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 13th

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Haiku About Friday The 13th Movies’ Jason: Serial Killer With A Goalie Mask

March 13, 2015 at 5:14 pm (Entertainment, Horror, Movies, Poetry) (, , , , )

Haiku About Friday The 13th Movies’ Jason: Serial Killer With A Goalie Mask

Jason plays hockey
serves two minutes for slashing
o’er ref’s dead body

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Slenderman Commercial For Weight Loss Clinics

June 13, 2014 at 6:12 pm (Commentary, News, Satire, TV Commercials, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Slenderman Commercial For Weight Loss Clinics

“What are you looking so pleased about?” Amadeus Emanon asked Renfield R. Renfield.

“Some big Madison Avenue advertising agency in New York City
is having a competition for who can come up with the best TV commercial advertising weight loss clinics for men,” Renfield grinned, “so I just designed one using my computer graphic and animation skills.”

Renfield then showed Amadeus the commercial on his iMac.

. . .

Standing there was a very tall extremely thin man wearing a black suit and a cartoon blank face.

“Hi there,” the figure introduced himself, “I’m Slenderman. I don’t usually say much… in fact I usually say nothing at all. But you sitting there like the fat slob on the couch that you are has inspired me to say this…

“Get off the couch, fatso. Yeah, I’m talking to you. The one eating his 13th bucket of KFC this hour. The one swallowing his 13th Big Mac this minute. The one inhaling his 13th box of Reese’s Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups this second.

You’re a disgusting obnoxious fat slob. You’re more blob than man. When was the last time you had a date, fatso? In fact, when was the last time you had sex?

You couldn’t have a woman snuggle up next to you on the couch because you take up the entire couch you disgusting fat pig.

While you’re busy stuffing your fat face, thousands of teen-aged girls are dying from anorexia.

Or better yet, girls are killing for me.

How many females would kill for you, you fat-assed ton of lard?

I could count by the number of toes on Oscar Pistorius’ feet how many females would kill for you.



A big fat zero.

Like yourself.

A big fat nothing.

So get off the couch.

Stop stuffing your face like a camel on Prozac.

Get out.


And join the Manly Loss Weight Loss Program.

There’s a Manly Loss Weight Loss Clinic near you.

All you’ve got to lose are your pounds.

And I’m not talking about being mugged over in England.

So become a man.

Become slender.

Become… Slenderman.

The type of guy that females will not only die for… but will be willing to kill for.”

. . .

Amadeus said nothing.

But considering the type of society that America had become today, he thought to himself, Renfield’s commercial might just win the competition.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday June 13th

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