Leopold II Comes Tumbling Down While Abdullah II Warns of Middle East Conflict

June 9, 2020 at 9:49 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was asked to comment on the removal of a statue of King Leopold II of Belgium in the Belgian city of Antwerp.

Gasoline was poured over the statue and it was set aflame during a Black Lives Matter demonstration last week.

Today the statue was taken down and placed in storage in a museum.

King Leopold II was infamous for having conducted a genocide against the people of the Congo in which more than 10 million people died.

Renfield drank a Belgian beer with an unpronouncable name and saluted the removal of the genocidal tyrant’s statue.

“Mr. Renfield, this year 2020 has had the Covid-19 virus which nobody saw coming. A white policeman’s murder of a black man in Minneapolis has ignited a global movement against racism and police brutality that nobody saw coming. In this year of surprises,” a journalist asked the MP, “is it possible that some major event is out there that’s on the brink of happening but yet one could see it happening before hand?.”

“There is,” Renfield nodded, “If Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu goes ahead and annexes large swathes of Palestinian territory in the West Bank around this coming July 1st like he says he’ll do, this will set off a major powder keg in the Middle East.”

“It will?” Blinked the journalist who belonged to that generation that called itself Woke and therefore was asleep and totally oblivious to what was really happening in the current world.

“Yes, King Abdullah II of Jordan has warned of a “major conflict” with Israel if that annexation goes ahead,” Renfield pointed out.

“Why didn’t I know about this?” The journalist seemed perplexed.

“Possibly because you in the mainstream media have been constantly yapping about Covid for the past 3 months and nothing else,” Renfield explained, “It’s only with the Black Lives Movement going global that you’ve finally found another story to cover. 30 years ago, journalists once covered a multitude of stories. Today you people in the media can’t seem to handle any more than 2 or 3.”

“You hurt my feelings by saying that,” the Woke journalist had tears in his eyes, “All throughout my school years, my teachers told me I should always have high self-esteem. How can I have high self-esteem if you point out negative stuff like that? I’m going to send out an angry tweet about this. #Insensitive.”

As the Woke journalist went off to send a whining tweet, BBC News Anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy asked Renfield for more infomation about what was happening in the Middle East.

“Well,” Renfield sipped a brandy, “Netanyahu is working behind the scenes to get Jordan’s King Abdullah replaced as the Custodian and Guardian of the Holy Sites in Jerusalem by Jared Kushner’s good bum buddy the Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman. Since MbS is a narcisstic and bloodthirsty fellow who’s been conducting a genocidal war against the Houthi peoples of Yemen for the past 5 years (a war totally ignored by the Western news media), it should come as no surprise that he’d be willing to sell out the Palestinians if it would work to his greater advantage and glory.”

. . .

In the Middle East, Dark Side Deep State operatives within Mossad were plotting the assassination of King Abdullah II of Jordan.

The Greek god Ares (Greek god of war) sat outside the meeting and drank a toast.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 9th
2020.

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On Sherlock Holmes’ Birthday: Renfield Discusses Donald Trump, Neo-Bolshevik Cultural Marxism and Soleimani’s Death

January 6, 2020 at 11:59 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

On Sherlock Holmes’ Birthday: Renfield Discusses Donald Trump, Neo-Bolshevik Cultural Marxism and Soleimani’s Death

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was being interviewed by BBC News anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy on the issues facing the start of the new year.

Seeing as how today January 6th was Sherlock Holmes’ birthday, the MP was wearing a deerstalker cap, a grey and cream coloured plaid raincoat and chewing a curved Dutch style wooden pipe.

Geeta Guru-Murthy: Before we get started on discussing geopolitics, Mr. Renfield, what is your take on last night’s Golden Globe Awards?

Renfield: Well, I didn’t really watch it.
I just saw a few clips of the ceremony. But it does look like Ricky Gervais was letting the bozos and zombies who are the Hollywood celebrities of today have it. Good for him.

Geeta: Anything that particularly caught your attention?

Renfield: Well I notice some airheaded Hollywood bimbo said her career would never have been successful as it was if she hadn’t been allowed to bump off her child. A statement that was met with vigorous applause and cheering by most of the audience.
Gervais noted that he wished the winners would stop talking politics since they really didn’t have anything to contribute to the subject seeing as how most of them have had even less schooling than Greta Thunberg.
Probably a truer statement hasn’t been uttered at a Hollywood awards ceremony in the past 60 years.

Geeta: I notice there was some in the world news media who weren’t comfortable with Gervais’ take. For example Canada’s Toronto Star newspaper had a headline that read Here’s What’s Wrong With Ricky Gervais’ Sneering Golden Globes Monologue.

(Renfield took off his coat, pulled his pants down and picking up a copy of the Toronto Star newspaper put it down the back of his boxer shorts and began scratching)

When he had finished, Renfield remarked, “Here’s what wrong with Canada’s most pre-eminent leftist rag The Toronto Star. It’s not as comfortable as toilet paper.”

Renfield threw the newspaper away.

Geeta (shocked) : Well, that was an interesting insight.

Renfield (pulling his pants up and putting his raincoat back on) : It’s cultural Marxism and what I call Neo-Bolshevism at its worst. The attitudes exemplified by modern Hollywood and the music and entertainment industries as well as most of the news media in the western world. Early 20th Century Italian Marxist theoretician Antonio Gramsci theorized that the way to victory for world Marxism was in making humanity depraved. Gramsci said, “If you can make a man depraved, then you can make him a slave.” And Hollywood and the modern music, culture, entertainment and media industries have certainly succeeded in making multitudes of men and women depraved throughout the western world. ”

Geeta: So what happens now?

Renfield: Well of course Communism collapsed in the countries of Central and Eastern Europe back in the early 1990s. And some people thought this was the end of Communism. Nothing could have been further from the truth. While the Communists were no longer in control of Central and Eastern European governments, they were quickly taking control of the Roman Catholic Church and the United Nations. In 2013, they finally succeeded in putting a Neo-Bolshevik Jorge Mario Bergoglio in as Pope. Pope Francis.
And the Neo-Bolshevik Francis has been busy signing up other world religions to get behind his one world religion which will be behind the one-world government that the Neo-Bolshevik United Nations hopes to have in place by 2030. ”

“Has not Donald Trump upset their plans?” Geeta asked.

“Yes, it seems to be like the 1930s all over again. The only thing that stood in the way of Communism taking control of all of Europe back then were the rise of Fascists like Hitler and Mussolini. You could call Trump a Neo-Fascist but Trumpian Neo-Fascism is not quite like the Fascism of the 1930s. Trump is not an anti-Semite like Hitler was as can be seen by the fact he has a Jewish son-in-law Jared Kushner and his daughter Ivanka is a convert to Judaism. But one thing Trump does have in common with Hitler and Mussolini is he views himself as an Emperor. Mussolini saw himself as rebuilding the Roman Empire (using the symbol of the Roman Fasces) and Hitler saw himself as a new Germanic Emperor Frederick Barbarossa. Trump is like some of the major bigwigs in the last days of the Roman Republic. A Pompey or a Julius Caesar. Sees himself as divine or a god and feels he should forever be the ruler.”

Geeta: What about taking out Iranian Major-General Qasem Soleimani?

Renfield: He did it solely to save his own political skin. Nancy Pelosi was withholding the articles of impeachment from the Senate so he could have a speedy trial and get acquitted. Thus he needed a distraction. What better distraction than a war? So he ordered the targeted killing of Soleimani.
Interestingly enough he ordered the killing this past January 2nd which happened to be the 865th anniversary of Hitler’s idol Frederick Barbarossa becoming Holy Roman Emperor. Fascinating how important historical dates seem to intertwine with one another.”

Geeta’s bosses who were degenerate Neo-Bolshevik cultural Marxists at the BBC were gesturing for her to end the interview with the politically incorrect Renfield.

Geeta: I see my producer says we’re out of time. Coming up next… (Geeta looked at the teleprompter and gasped) … a special news documentary on the sex life of a raccoon.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 6th
2020.


“And the deadly wound of the Beast was healed. And the whole world wondered after the Beast.”

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Porch Pirate Eaters and Snowmen

December 17, 2019 at 11:29 pm (Comedy, Culture, Entertainment, Humour, News, TV Commercials, Vampire novel) (, , )

Porch Pirate Eaters and Snowmen

BBC News Anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy was reading the news.

Geeta: And now a news story involving everyone’s favourite Member of Parliament Renfield R. Renfield.
Mr. Renfield recently filmed a TV commercial that will be shown in North America.
With the recent massive growth in on-line sales, there has also been a massive surge in porch piracy- that act whereby someone steals a parcel left on a porch by a delivery courier company.
To combat this growing crime phenomenon, Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher has invented something guaranteed to combat porch piracy and ensure that your on-line ordered package remains safe to wind up in your hands.
Here is Mr. Renfield advertising the product in that TV ad:

Renfield: Hi, I’m Renfield R. Renfield dashing and debonair British Member of Parliament.
Are you tired of porch pirates stealing your parcels that you bought on-line with your hard earned money?

Then get this: 

The scene shows a parcel left on a porch by a delivery man.
The delivery man leaves and a person pulls up in a car on the street and exits to help himself to the parcel off the porch.
As he walks down the walk carrying the parcel, he’s suddenly attacked by a one-eyed one-horned flying purple monster.

Renfield: Yes, friends, it’s the Set Enterprises’ one-eyed one-horned flying purple parcel pirate eater.

The monster bites off the porch pirate’s arm: Munch! Munch!

Renfield: No more will you have to worry about these porch pirates who want to ruin your Christmas season.

The monster bites off a porch pirate’s leg: Munch! Munch!

Renfield: And your loved ones will actually get the gifts they deserve.
While porch pirates get what they deserve.

The monster bites off the porch pirate’s head: Munch! Munch!

Renfield (smiling): So sleep easily this Christmas season knowing that the parcels you order on-line and have delivered to your house will remain safe on your porch if you happen to own a one-eyed one-horned flying purple parcel pirate eater.
And have a wonderful and blessed Christmas season, my friends.

(Renfield waves at the camera)

Monster (after totally devouring the porch pirate): BELCH!

(Geeta looks astounded)

Geeta: Well, moving on to our next story, from a land down under, everyone’s favourite once and future Australian jailbird Uncle Ernie claims to have developed a snowman made of real snow that the said Uncle Ernie says won’t melt in the hot Australian summer sun so that Australians this Christmas can enjoy real snowmen like their cousins in far more northern climates do.
Reporting from Australia is our Australian correspondent J. Michael Crocodile Dungheap:

Crocodile Dungheap: Thanks, Geeta, well as you can see…

(The camera pans out showing reporter Crocodile Dungheap standing in a massive puddle of melted ice)

Crocodile Dungheap: … it’s back to the drawing board for Uncle Ernie.

(Geeta once again looks astounded)

Geeta (regaining her composure) : Coming up after the break, this story… who will replace Jeremy Corbyn as British Labour leader?

(The camera shows twice defeated Welsh British Labour candidate and private eye Magog Rhys Petley turning into a werewolf)

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 17th
2019.

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Renfield Discusses Pope Francis, Turkey and Belgium With Geeta Guru-Murthy

October 9, 2019 at 10:45 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Renfield Discusses Pope Francis, Turkey and Belgium With Geeta Guru-Murthy

BBC’s Geeta Guru-Murthy was interviewing British MP Renfield R. Renfield the UK’s Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering.

They were discussing major happenings from around the world.

“Now, my first question to you, Mr. Renfield,” Geeta began, “does not involve strictly a political matter. However it has caused a great deal of controversy around the world and does involve a major global institution. The issue is of course the claim made by Italian journalist Eugenio Scalfari in today’s issue of La Republicca newspaper that Pope Francis does not believe in the incarnate Deity of Jesus Christ. What is your reaction?”.

“Well if Scalfari’s claims are true,” Renfield answered, “then we have the 2019 answer to that old question, Is the Pope Catholic? And that answer is, he isn’t.”

“Now regarding the situation in northern Syria,” Geeta went on, “Is it true that you sent your own personal Army Brigade of Gurkas over there to fight alongside the Kurds against Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s invading forces?”.

“It’s true,” Renfield answered as he ate a donair.

“And what do you think Erdogan has in mind in invading northern Syria?” Geeta queried.

“Well,” Renfield wiped his mouth with a napkin, “Erdogan’s attitude is if genocide was good enough for the Armenians in 1915, then it’s good enough for the Kurds in 2019.”

Renfield’s statement was met with a visceral reaction by the Turkish Ambassador in London who sent off a fiery letter of protest to the British Foreign Office.

Later when Renfield got home and was informed of the Turkish Ambassador’s note, Renfield thought to himself, “The Turkish Ambassador has obviously got his knickers in a knot.”

He immediately called the Sherrielock Holmes Dominatrix Agency to unknot the Turkish Ambassador’s knickers for him.

Later that night, the Turkish Ambassador was ambushed by 4 dominatrixes who pulled his pants down and cut up his underpants with scissors.

Geeta then asked Renfield, “What is your reaction to former Belgian Prime Minister Guy Verhofstadt’s severe criticism of the Johnson government’s handling of Brexit that he made during a heated exchange in the European Parliament today?”.

“It made me seriously wonder whether we the British were correct in coming to the defence of Belgium back in 1914 when the Kaiser’s Germany invaded the country,” Renfield ate a plate of sauerkraut and sausages, “After all the evil Belgian King Leopold II committed genocide against 10 million Africans when he established a colony in the Congo not to mention robbing that country of most of its wealth thus making Belgium the wealthy spoiled brat country that it is today. We have to seriously ask ourselves was it worth it for the British Empire to declare war on Germany to come to Belgium’s defence thus setting in motion the First World War (with its resulting 4 years of horrific bloodshed) when had we ignored Belgium’s plight, the conflict would have remained strictly a European conflict rather than become a world wide conflict? Was it worth all that bloodshed to come to the aid of a country that is home to the world’s worst makers of Belgian waffles?”.

Renfield’s comment was met with a vitriolic reaction by the Belgian Ambassador to London who likewise sent off a fiery letter of protest to the British Foreign Office.

Later that night, the Belgian Ambassador was likewise ambushed by 4 leather skirted dominatrixes who pulled his pants down and cut up his underpants with scissors.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 9th
2019.

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Boris Johnson’s Historic Day, Trump’s Hurricane Bluster, Harvey Tallbanger, Greek Goddess Artemis and Dracul Van Helsing

August 28, 2019 at 10:54 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Boris Johnson’s Historic Day, Trump’s Hurricane Bluster, Harvey Tallbanger, Greek Goddess Artemis and Dracul Van Helsing

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was sitting in his office at 10 Downing Street going over some papers this evening.

Earlier in the day, Johnson had sent three Privy Council members up to Balmoral Castle in Scotland to get Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II to prorogue (suspend) Parliament for a month to cut back on the amount of time opposition MPs could use to prevent a No Deal Brexit on October 31st (the biggest Halloween trick or treat in British history).

Outside 10 Downing Street, protestors were shouting “Way hey, ho-ho, this BJ has got to go…”

Inside an adjacent cabinet meeting room, Renfield R. Renfield the Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering was thinking to himself, “What have those protestors got against blow jobs?”.

. . .

BBC News Anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy was reading the news headlines, “And in other news, U.S. President Donald Trump has blasted the territory of Puerto Rico for having Hurricane Dorian barrelling down in their direction…”

The news clip shows Trump speaking to the media before boarding a helicopter, “I’d just like to say that it’s very very inconsiderate for Puerto Rico to have a hurricane barrelling in their direction for the third time in two years. Not cool at all. Two years ago they were hit by Hurricane Irma and then they were severely hit by Hurricane Maria which caused massive amounts of damage. Then they had the post-Maria nerve to say that it was a disaster and they required emergency aid from Washington DC. Again not very cool. And now a mere 2 years later, Hurricane Dorian is heading towards them. Yet again not very cool. What makes Puerto Rico think that regular American taxpayers will keep bailing them out every time they allow themselves to get hit by a hurricane? Like I say very very inconsiderate of them.”

Geeta Guru-Murthy: Mr. Trump then boarded the helicopter where he got hit in the face with a cream pie thrown at him by a 6 foot 8 tall invisible bunny rabbit according to descriptions by Harvey Wallbanger drinking secret service agents.

. . .

The Greek goddess Artemis was waiting for Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in a London hotel room.

“Mr. Van Helsing,” Artemis beckoned him, “I’m here to tell you about the suspicious activities that have been happening at the Thule Air Base in Greenland but let’s get down to other business first…”

And that other business that Artemis had in mind turned out to be very pleasant indeed.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 28th
2019.

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Renfield’s Political Incorrectness and Nomination For A Guest Host For TCM

April 10, 2019 at 10:24 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )


BBC’s Geeta Guru-Murthy interviews Renfield R. Renfield

BBC News anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy was asking British MP Renfield R. Renfield his opinion of the crowded race for the 2020 Democratic Party Presidential nomination.

“Mr. Renfield,” Geeta asked, “what do you think of Pete Buttigieg the first openly gay mayor of South Bend, Indiana becoming the first openly gay mayor to have a shot at winning the U.S. Presidency?”.

“Well,” Renfield replied, “I find it singularly appropriate that an openly gay mayor would have the words “butt” and “gig” as syllables in his last name. And I also find it singularly appropriate that the first openly gay mayor to run for President would be Mayor of a place called South Bend which of course describes the anatomical position either he or his partner would be in when they got up to or rather down to doing what comes naturally for them.”

As Geeta Guru-Murthy doubled over and tried desperately to save her job by not breaking into huge gales of laughter at Renfield’s highly politically incorrect and extremely sociologically insensitive and yet factually accurate statement, Amadeus Emanon turned off the TV and buried his head in his hands.

“It looks like Renfield’s parliamentary office is going to have to be issuing yet another statement and apology to members of the LGBTQ community,” Amadeus stated.

“You mean the group that Renfield refers to as the Alphabet Soup Perverts?” Angelique Dumont asked.

“We better try to keep the lid on that before the European Union’s Big Non-Binary Sibling of 1984 + 35 (aka 2019) goes after him,” Amadeus answered.

Meanwhile across the Atlantic pond over in the U.S.A., Donald Trump stated his opinion of the country’s founding father, “If George Washington had been smart, he’d have named Mount Vernon after himself.”

As Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of the Washington Obelisk falling on top of Donald Trump at a future date, Dr. Cadbury Rocher was busy watching his satellite TV which was picking up a current TCM (Turner Classic Movie) channel transmission from America.

TCM had recently asked notable figures from around the world to nominate a guest host who might someday fill in as a permanent replacement for TCM’s beloved host Robert Osborne who had died 2 years ago.

Tonight the man Renfield had suggested as a possible replacement for Robert Osborne was serving as the guest host.

A heavy metal headbanger looking man stood in front of the camera.

Heavy Metal Headbanger Looking Man: Hi, I’m Ozzy Osbourne. Guest host and potential permanent replacement for Robert Osborne. Tonight from 1948, we have a movie I’ve never heard of before- Hamlet. Starring an actor I’ve never heard of before- Laurence Olivier. Whose script was written by an author I’ve never heard of before- William Shakespeare.

As the heavy metal singer continued, the first thing that popped into Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s mind was, “An Osbourne is not an Osborne by any other name.”

Meanwhile Renfield left the BBC News Studios as pink leotards were being thrown at him by an angry group of protesters.

He got into the waiting Set Enterprises limousine and got on his smart phone where he ordered a Halloween costume as he had just found out that October 31st was the date the EU had extended Brexit to.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 10th
2019.

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Renfield Analyzes Trump Speech and Democrats’ Response

January 8, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was appearing on BBC World News to give his analysis of Donald Trump’s 1st ever Oval Office address and the replies given by Rep. Nancy Pelosi (Dem.- Calif.) and Sen. Chuck Schumer (Dem. – N.Y.).

“So, Mr. Renfield, your first take?” BBC News anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy asked the MP.

“Well,” Renfield sipped from a large bottle of Scotch whisky as he spoke, “I must congratulate whatever Trump advisor it was (most likely Jared Kushner in my opinion) who arranged the just right Silva Method visualization/guided imagery exercise to get the right demon (what New Agers and Oprah Winfrey insist on calling spirit guides since it’s a more innocuous term than the actual truth of what these beings/entities actually are) to possess the Donald’s body for the occasion of this television address from the Oval Office. Because whatever spoke from the Donald’s body in the Presidential chair gave the appearance of someone who was both intelligent and compassionate. And of course we all know that intelligence and compassion are two qualities that can never be associated with the real Donald Trump. The real Donald Trump speaks through his realDonaldTrump tweets where of course his “true colours”, like those of Cyndi Lauper’s clothes in a laundromat where the wrong type of bleach is used, keep “shining through” and his malice and stupidity is there for all the world to see.”

Geeta Guru-Murthy (secretly wishing that she had a good shot of whisky herself at the moment as this wasn’t usually the sort of response you’d get from your average typical British Member of Parliament), “And what about the replies of Rep. Pelosi and Sen. Schumer?”.

“Well, ditto for Rep. Pelosi,” Renfield pulled a 2nd bottle of whisky from underneath the table after having successfully polished off the first, “usually Rep. Pelosi comes across as being an evil demon possessed witch which of course is what one expects from a California style liberal Catholic which in this day and age is the demeanour of your typical Pope Francis style Catholic. However whatever demon (spirit guide for all you New Age believers out there) possessed Rep. Pelosi’s body tonight came across as being both rational and genuinely compassionate – two qualities of which one does not usually associate with the Baal and Moloch worshipping representative from San Francisco.”

Geeta Guru-Murthy (using the spiked stiletto point of her right high-heeled shoe to successfully drag one of the 12 bottles of whisky under the table towards herself), “And what about Sen. Chuck Schumer?”.

“Well,” Renfield reached for a third bottle of whisky, “whatever Silva Method workshop old Sen. Chuck attended to summon tonight’s demon/spirit guide, he might really want to ask for his 3rd Temple of Jerusalem shekels back. If anybody came across tonight as being a raving partisan belligerent bozo asshole, it was Sen. Chuck Schumer. In fact, I couldn’t see any real difference between the demon possessing Sen. Schumer’s body tonight and the real Sen.Chuck Schumer.”

As Lord L. (the British Lord who had ordered the murder of filmmaker Stanley Kubrick for exposing the secret gatherings of his Kabbalistic witchcraft cult in his 1999 movie Eyes Wide Shut), watched the BBC interview in his palatial London mansion, he reconsidered his invitation to Sen. Chuck Schumer to his Super Wolf Blood Moon party in Washington DC for this coming January 20th at which Welsh werewolf and former British Labour Party MP Magog Rhys Petley was to be sacrificed (although that fact wasn’t mentioned to Mr. Rhys Petley in his own personal invitation to the same event).

By this time, Geeta Guru-Murthy had managed to snag one of the bottles of whisky with her stiletto and was now using the lower skirt portion of her dress to rub the top off.

She succeeded and managed to get the top off and pour some of the refreshing liquid into the glass in front of her.

Meanwhile the studio floor director was still trying to let Geeta know that they were still live on air.

“That’s a 20 year old malt whisky,” Renfield stated to her as he reached for a piece of blue cheese and stared dreamily into space and thought of some old rhyme about wolfsbane from a 1941 Lon Chaney Jr. movie, “Most of the time, I drink 10 year old malt whisky or maybe 15 at the most but since tonight I was being asked to analyze speeches given by both Donald Trump and the U.S. Congress’ two leading Democrats, I thought I’d better make it a 20 year.”

Voice of BBC World News Voice-Over Announcer: Later tonight, a BBC News Special Report: Drinking In The Workplace: How Much of A Problem Is It Becoming?

As the announcement was made, both Renfield R. Renfield MP and Geeta Guru-Murthy were seen on the screen polishing off their respective bottles of Scotch whisky.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 8th
2019.

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Pegasus Unveiled

November 19, 2016 at 6:19 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pegasus Unveiled

Set Enterprises’ resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher had invited former British Prime Minister David Cameron on a tour of Set Enterprises’ Laboratories.

The sanity challenged scientist had run into the former British PM in a tea shop.

Mr. Cameron was looking depressed as a result of the fact he was no longer Prime Minister of the United Kingdom and as a result of the fact that the British people had voted for BREXIT even though he had personally campaigned for the United Kingdom to remain within the European Union.

To cheer Mr. Cameron up, Dr. Rocher invited him on a tour of his laboratories.

Rocher introduced Cameron to Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster who was wearing sunglasses and lying on the sand at the bottom of the aquarium reading a water proof copy of the magazine The Hot Looking Babes In Donald Trump’s Life.

“I think Michelangelo has been spending too much time with Renfield,” Dr. Rocher thought to himself when he noticed his genetically created psychic lobster’s choice of reading material.

David Cameron suddenly noticed a measuring gauge that said 30 trillion below zero.

“This gauge here,” David Cameron pointed to it, “that says 30 trillion below zero. What is it measuring?”.

“The collective IQ of the editors, columnists and reporters at the Washington Post newspaper,” Dr. Rocher replied.

“Really?” David Cameron was shocked, “how long has the gauge been showing that?”.

“Well it had hit a trillion below zero by the end of U.S. Election Night November 8th 2016,” Dr. Rocher replied, “and it’s been going down hill ever since.”

“I see they’re now saying,” Cameron stated referring to the pundits at The Washington Post, “that Trump won’t be bringing real change to Washington DC.”

“Yes,” Dr. Cameron smiled and nodded, “the same geniuses who had been saying all year that Trump would never win the Presidency.”

“You think Trump will bring real change to Washington DC?” Cameron queried.

“Yes,” Dr. Rocher answered in the affirmative, “Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster has been showing me visions of what America and the world will look like under a Trump Presidency. There’s real change a-coming.”

Cracks started to emerge in Michelangelo’s aquarium as the Psychic Lobster got a vision of well known London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes showing up on the floor of Congress during Trump’s 1st State of the Union Address.

As Dr. Cadbury Rocher led David Cameron through the maze of laboratories at Set Enterprises, they passed through the office of Renfield R. Renfield the Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises.

Renfield wasn’t in his office at the moment. He was coaching an attractive young female Drama student at the University of London. He was playing the part of President Bill Clinton to her Monica Lewinsky.

“It’s a shame we have to ruin such a beautiful blue dress,” Renfield told her, “but nevertheless the Stanislavski method calls for realism.”

As Renfield was busy producing an unpatented brand of mouthwash, Dr. Rocher used Renfield’s absence in the office to briefly watch BBC World News on Renfield’s high-definition television screen.

BBC Reporter: Hello, this is Nigel Roberts reporting for BBC News in New York City. At tonight’s impromptu anti-Trump rally in Central Park, something unusual is occurring. There are reports of a moustached man with a British accent appearing to ugly looking women at the rally and saying to them, “My God, but you’re ugly.” The ugly looking women are then beheaded by another man who is wearing Bermuda shorts here on this cold mid-November night in New York City and who is reported to have hairy goats’ legs as well as hooves for feet.

BBC News Anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy (interjecting from BBC Central Studios in London):

Nigel, we’re getting reports that the entire New York City membership of the Facebook group Pantsuit Nation has been wiped out. Is that correct?

Nigel Roberts: That is correct, Geeta. The entire membership was decapitated just within the past hour by the said individual with Bermuda shorts and hairy goats’ legs. Wait a minute, I think I can see that machete wielding individual now. Yes… it’s… I do believe it’s Pan Goatee the famous serial killer whose specialty is killing ugly looking women in what he has called his “one man crusade to make the world a more beautiful place in which to live.”

Geeta Guru-Murthy: Nigel, can you get an interview with him?

Nigel Roberts: Pan Goatee is within range of the camera now. Pan, Pan, Pan, can you say a word to our audience here on BBC World News?

Pan Goatee (grinning): Sure, Nigel, I’ve always got plenty of time to talk to the media.

Nigel Roberts: Now, Pan, one mystery has been solved at this anti-Trump rally in Central Park tonight. You’re obviously the individual who’s been seen beheading ugly looking women at this rally…

Pan Goatee: That’s correct, Nigel. As Seinfeld’s Cosmo Kramer might well put it, “There aren’t as many Hillary Clinton supporters as there used to be.”

Nigel Roberts: And Pantsuit Nation is gone?

Pan Goatee (grinning): Pantsuit Nation is gone. Only headless corpses in pantsuits will be seen walking the fashion runways and catwalks in New York this autumn.

Nigel Roberts: But the one question I do have is, if you’re the one doing the beheadings, then who is the moustached gentleman with the British accent saying to these ugly women, “My God, but you’re ugly” just before you decapitate them?

Pan Goatee: Well, as you know, Nigel, I’ve been working on developing my psychic abilities. As you know, I can astral project and I can also create an astral laser beam machete with my mind. I’ve also been working on producing holographic images with my mind.

Nigel Roberts: Really?

Pan Goatee: Yes and Donald Trump’s lovely daughters, particularly the lovely Ivanka, have been helping me with my cultural development. And part of that cultural development has been watching the popular 1970s British comedy Fawlty Towers with John Cleese as Basil Fawlty.

Nigel Roberts: I loved that show.

Pan Goatee: Anyways you may recall that episode where John Cleese as Basil Fawlty is in an hospital room and he says to some nurse, “My God, but you’re ugly”.

Nigel Roberts: Oh yes, I remember that episode very well.

Pan Goatee: I laughed for hours when I heard that line. That’s what gave me the inspiration to produce with my mind a holographic image of John Cleese as Basil Fawlty saying to these ugly women, “My God, but you’re ugly” just before I behead them. It’s sort of a unique comedic dramatic way of adding insult to injury.

Nigel Roberts (smiling at the camera): Well mystery solved, Geeta.
It’s Pan Goatee beheading the ugly looking women at these anti-Trump rallies. And it’s a holographic image of John Cleese as Basil Fawlty saying to these ugly women, “My God, but you’re ugly” just before they’re beheaded.

Geeta Guru-Murthy: So your report there from the anti-Trump rally in Central Park, Nigel, is ugly women are dead and Pantsuit Nation is gone.

Nigel Roberts (grinning): That’s correct, Geeta.

Geeta Guru-Murthy (smiling at the camera) : Well with that in mind, it makes me glad that I’m beautiful and glad that I’m wearing a skirt this evening.

Former British Prime Minister David Cameron looked at the TV screen in total shock.

Said Cameron, “It’s like a combination of a slasher horror film and one of those futuristic science-fiction movies. A satyr serial killer beheading ugly women. And a holographic image of John Cleese as Basil Fawlty saying to them, “My God, but you’re ugly” just before they’re beheaded. It’s incredible.”

“It is and of course being female,” Dr. Rocher pointed out, “they’re probably more upset by the words thrown at them in the last moment of their mortal life than they are about being beheaded.”

“Undoubtedly,” David Cameron wholeheartedly agreed.

Dr. Rocher then led Cameron to his next laboratory where there was a screen in front of a large glass enclosure.

“And now, Mr. Cameron, I present to you my greatest creation, the creature I’ve spent the past dozen years trying to genetically re-create,” the scientist pushed a button.

“Good God,” David Cameron gasped, “It’s Pegasus the winged horse of Greek mythology.”

Meanwhile in his aquarium, Michelangelo was ripping off a piece of waterproof masking tape trying to repair the crack on his aquarium glass.

As he did so, the psychic lobster recalled a comment that an American pundit had made earlier this year, “There’s about as much chance of Donald Trump being elected President as there is of the winged horse Pegasus being re-created.”

Meanwhile Renfield R. Renfield was returning to his office after finally collecting and picking up his recently won baseball winnings from a British bookie. He was recalling a statement that another pundit had made at the start of the year, “There’s about much chance of Donald Trump winning the Presidency as there is of the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series after 108 years.”

It was as Dr. Cadbury Rocher had said (and as the folk songs of the 1960s had said 50 years previously), “The times, they are a-changing.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 17th
2016.

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