A Grey Wolf Walks The Streets of Berlin

November 22, 2017 at 8:17 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

A Grey Wolf Walks The Streets of Berlin

A grey wolf walked the streets of Berlin.

The wolf seemed to be grinning as its tongue hung out.

It was also wagging its tail in vigorous fashion.

The grey wolf was possessed by the spirit of Adolf Hitler.

It was happy because German Chancellor Angela Merkel was unable to form a coalition government and did not want to preside over a minority government.

So she was thinking of calling another national election in Germany 🇩🇪.

The grey wolf Adolf was happy because this potential new election might bring forth new political forces that were more akin to the ideas he envisioned for Germany back in the 1930s and early 1940s.

Meanwhile in his parliamentary office at Westminster in London, MP Renfield R. Renfield was once again sipping a glass he had poured from his Churchillian bottle of brandy.

The image of Churchill from the painting of Churchill that hung on the wall in Renfield’s office once again left its frame and sat across from Renfield.

“Rennie,” Churchill smoked an ectoplasmic cigar, “I am very concerned with what is currently happening in Germany 🇩🇪.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 22nd
2017.

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Limerick About Recep Tayyip Erdogan

May 21, 2016 at 6:46 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News) (, , , , , , )

Limerick About Recep Tayyip Erdogan

A man called Recep had sex with a goat
And did it on an ermine skin coat
so say German comics
on modern electronics
as Merkel leaps for their throat

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Amadeus Receives A Phone Call From Renfield

February 21, 2014 at 8:28 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Amadeus Receives A Phone Call From Renfield

Amadeus Emanon was sitting in the study of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion.

The phone rang.

Amadeus picked it up.

It was Renfield calling from a jail in Paris as a French version of the old Elvis Presley song Jailhouse Rock played in the background.

“Amadeus,” said Renfield, “you know how to operate my iMac desktop don’t you?”.

“Yes,” Amadeus went over to Renfield’s desk in the study.

“Turn it on and go over to Photos in my desktop screen, ” Renfield said, “and type in search the keyword PoodleKraut.”

Amadeus did as Renfield requested.

“Okay open up all those photos that are under that heading,” Renfield directed.

Amadeus did so.

He then gasped.

“Okay,” Renfield’s smile seemed to come through his phone voice, “you should now be looking at a bunch of highly compromising and very embarrassing photos of French President Francois Hollande in various unusual positions with German Chancellor Angela Merkel amidst much French champagne and German Wiener Schnitzel on a bed in a mirror ceilinged bedroom.”

“I see them,” Amadeus said as his long-lasting childhood innocence was rapidly coming to a close by gazing at these photos.

“Okay, now I want you to email those photos to French President Francois Hollande’s personal email address,” Renfield gave him the address, “with the written instructions that unless he President Hollande grants an immediate Presidential pardon to one Renfield R. Renfield of the United Kingdom and has him released from jail immediately, those photos will be emailed to every newspaper in France within the next 24 hours. Got all that?”.

“Yes,” said Amadeus.

“Then do it,” Renfield ordered.

Amadeus said he would. He then put down the phone and went to the washroom where he lost his lunch (a direct result of viewing those photos) before proceeding with Renfield’s instructions.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 21st
2014.

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Winter Olympics Open In Sochi and More Fallout Over Kiev

February 7, 2014 at 8:39 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Winter Olympics Open In Sochi and More Fallout Over Kiev

Renfield R. Renfield and Amadeus Emanon were watching the highlights of the Opening Ceremony of the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi on BBC World News.

“Say,” Amadeus asked between munches of hot buttered popcorn, “isn’t that the Norse vampire Odin and the Norse vampire Thor walking on one side of the stadium and the Norse vampire Loki and the Norse wolf Fenrir walking on the other?”.

Renfield looked up from the book he was reading by early 20th Century Italian Marxist theoretician Antonio Gramsci and glanced at the screen, “Yes, I believe it is.”

The scene then switched to Bosnia-Herzegovina where anti- government protests had turned violent.

“Say isn’t that the Ancient Greek vampire Ares in the crowd eating a Mars bar?” Amadeus asked between sips from a bottle of Coca-Cola whose ingredients were listed in the Spanish language (which no doubt would have offended a U.S. Republican Congressman of the Tea Party variety).

“I believe so,” Renfield looked up from his iPhone where he was checking French President Francois Hollande’s Facebook status that read “I did not have sexual relations with that woman…” although he had written it in French.

As a comment below the status, someone had posted a photo of a cartoon caricature of Francois Hollande looking like an extended nose Pinocchio.

On the darkened streets of Sarajevo at night, the BBC News cameras showed the ghost of an assassinated Austrian Archduke walking around saying, “I am the ghost of Franz Ferdinand doomed these past one hundred years to walk the night…”

BBC World News then showed the streets of Kiev where the ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith was walking around hitting Ukrainian policemen on the head with a smart phone shaped spiked stiletto high-heeled shoe while a Ukrainian protestor whistled the theme song from the old 1960s American TV series Get Smart.

“I wonder what Lilith is doing in Kiev?” Amadeus asked as he reached into a bucket of chicken wings

“Maybe looking for a good recipe for Chicken Kiev,” Renfield responded while glancing through a biography of Neville Chamberlain.

The BBC News then showed a video of German Chancellor Angela Merkel looking apoplectic while blasting the United States for a derogatory remark that U.S. Assistant Secretary of State Victoria Nuland had made about the EU in a phone conversation with the U.S. Ambassador to Ukraine.

“F— the EU,” the bugged recording of the conversation had Victoria Nuland saying.

As Renfield flipped through the pages of a book called The Role of The Kama Sutra in Geopolitics and International Relations, Amadeus asked him, “Who do you suppose is responsible for bugging that phone conversation between Assistant Secretary of State Nuland and the U.S. Ambassador to Ukraine?”.

Renfield a renowned hacker, wiretapper and eavesdropper in his own right grinned but said nothing.

Outside the window of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s estate, a colossal raven sat in the branches of a giant oak tree and looking in and eavesdropping on Amadeus and Renfield started to crow, “It’s all a Jewish conspiracy. It’s all a Jewish conspiracy.”

The raven raised its right claw on which it had a black swastika decorated armband.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 7th
2014

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Magog’s New Mission Impossible

November 4, 2013 at 8:24 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Politics, Satire, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley was in his House of Commons office drinking from a bottle of brandy.

 

 

The phone rang.

 

 

It was German Chancellor Angela Merkel.

 

“Madame Chancellor,” Magog was shocked, “I hope you’re not calling from your mobile phone.”

 

 

“No, Herr Magog,” the Chancellor replied, “I’m calling from a secure line.”

 

“That’s good,” Magog wiped his brow.

 

“Have you checked your mail today?” Mrs. Merkel asked.

 

“Not yet,” Magog replied.

 

“Check and see if you’ve got something from a company called Odin Insurance in Munich,” the Chancellor directed.

 

Magog sifted through his mail.

 

“I do in fact,” Magog stated.

 

“Open it,” the Chancellor directed.

 

Inside was a handwritten note to U.S. President Barack Obama from the German Chancellor.

 

Magog read it and gulped.

 

“I take it being the curious snoop you are, you’ve read the message,” the Chancellor laughed.

 

Looking out the window of his office, Magog could see a curious cat touch a live electrical wire and then fall to the ground dead from electrocution.

 

“Well… um… ” Magog stammered.

 

“It’s all right, Magog,” the Chancellor laughed, “now I want you to go to Washington D. C.  and deliver that message in person to President Obama.”

 

“But why me?” Magog protested, “Why not one of your diplomats or a member of the Bundestag?”.

 

 

“Because they’re all under surveillance by the CIA,” the Chancellor explained, “but no one would bother to pay much attention to a drunken backbench Opposition politician who’s failed abysmally on 3 different peace missions to the Middle East.”

 

 

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Chancellor,” Magog took a sip from his bottle of brandy.

 

 

“You’re welcome, Magog,” the Chancellor replied, “will you do it?”.

 

 

“Call me crazy,” Magog noted the werewolf hairs starting to emerge on his human skin, “but I’ll do it.”

 

 

“That’s great,” the Chancellor sounded pleased, “now if you excuse me, I see I’ve got a call from Sarah Palin coming in on my mobile.”

 

 

“Sarah Palin?” Magog asked the

now empty receiver.

 

 

 

 

                        .           .           .

 

 

 

 

The NSA official doing the surveillance spilled tea and canned Alaskan salmon all over himself when he noticed the name coming up on the mobile.

 

 

 

 

 

To be continued.

 

 

 

 

 

-A vampire novel chapter

  written by Christopher

  Monday November 4th

  2013

 

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Is The U.S. Spying On German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s Mobile Phone?

October 23, 2013 at 8:11 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Is The U. S. Spying On German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s Mobile Phone?

“The United States is not monitoring and will not monitor the communications of the Chancellor,” White House spokesman Jay Carney told the media assembled in the White House briefing room.

. . .

“That’s very true,” Renfield R. Renfield said as he looked at the TV screen.

The shapeshifting hamster/human chief of security for the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set suddenly noticed a red button light up in the computer monitoring room he was in at Set’s colossal West London mansion.

“Ah, another call coming in,” Renfield smiled.

Renfield put on his headphones.

It was Russian President Vladimir Putin phoning the German Chancellor asking on behalf of the Kremlin chef if he could have Mrs. Merkel’s personal recipe for homemade German sausages and sauerkraut.

Mrs. Merkel gave the Russian President the recipe.

When the conversation ended, Renfield stopped the recording.

Since he could not speak German himself, Renfield phoned a lusty, sexy and voluptuous blonde German dominatrix he often visited whenever he was in Berlin.

Renfield played the recording for Helga.

Helga translated.

Renfield wrote everything down.

He then phoned the NSA (U.S. National Security Agency) in Washington D.C. and passed on the pertinent information.

“It’s fun being a freelancer now and again,” Renfield smiled as he looked at his cheque from the U.S. government.

He better hurry out and cash it down at the bank just on the off-chance that the U.S. Congress might do something extraordinarily stupid in the next 24 hours and send the American economy into a tailspin and dry up U.S. government revenues.

. . .

America’s First Lady Michelle Obama was on the phone talking to the White House chef making final arrangements for a special upcoming dinner at the White House.

“Oh and one more thing,” Mrs. Obama looked at the piece of paper in front of her, “I just got this new recipe for homemade German sausages and sauerkraut…”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 23rd
2013

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