A Grey Wolf Walks The Streets of Berlin

November 22, 2017 at 8:17 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

A Grey Wolf Walks The Streets of Berlin

A grey wolf walked the streets of Berlin.

The wolf seemed to be grinning as its tongue hung out.

It was also wagging its tail in vigorous fashion.

The grey wolf was possessed by the spirit of Adolf Hitler.

It was happy because German Chancellor Angela Merkel was unable to form a coalition government and did not want to preside over a minority government.

So she was thinking of calling another national election in Germany 🇩🇪.

The grey wolf Adolf was happy because this potential new election might bring forth new political forces that were more akin to the ideas he envisioned for Germany back in the 1930s and early 1940s.

Meanwhile in his parliamentary office at Westminster in London, MP Renfield R. Renfield was once again sipping a glass he had poured from his Churchillian bottle of brandy.

The image of Churchill from the painting of Churchill that hung on the wall in Renfield’s office once again left its frame and sat across from Renfield.

“Rennie,” Churchill smoked an ectoplasmic cigar, “I am very concerned with what is currently happening in Germany 🇩🇪.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 22nd
2017.

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Haiku Written On The 100th Anniversary of The British Empire Declaring War On Germany

August 4, 2014 at 6:06 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Poetry, Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , )

Haiku Written On The 100th Anniversary of The British Empire Declaring War On Germany

Great Britain and all
its colonies declare war
it’s now a world war

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The 100th Anniversary of Germany Declaring War On France

August 3, 2014 at 5:56 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History) (, , , , , , , , )

The 100th Anniversary of Germany Declaring War On France

It was 100 years ago today that Germany declared war on France.

Belgium also denies permission for Germany to move its forces through Belgian territory to get to the French border.

King Albert of Belgium’s decision causes massive indigestion for Germany’s Kaiser Wilhelm II at dinner time.

Kaiser Bill vows to make waffles of Belgians for breakfast the next day.

-A brief historical commentary
written by
Prof. Christopher Van Helsing
Sunday August 2nd 2014.

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Haiku Written On 100th Anniversary of Germany Declaring War On Russia- WW1

August 1, 2014 at 4:31 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Poetry) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Haiku Written On 100th Anniversary of Germany Declaring War On Russia- WW1

August winds of war
a century has now passed
circular ’14?

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Haiku About Brazil’s 7-1 Loss To Germany In World Cup Semi-Final

July 8, 2014 at 3:20 pm (Poetry, Sports) (, , , , , , , , )

Haiku About Brazil’s 7-1 Loss To Germany In World Cup Semi-Final

Brazil’s supporters
you can tell who they are by
paper bags on heads

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Isis and Gen. Vulkan In Poland

May 8, 2014 at 7:31 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Isis and Gen. Vulkan In Poland

The Egyptian Vampiress Isis was dressed like an Egyptian queen as she inspected NATO troops in Poland.

She wore a long flowing white dress, a necklace of diamonds, jade, rubies and sapphires, a diamond tiara adorned by a precious pearl at the top that was cut in the shape of a crescent moon, and silver embroidered spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes that had on each shoe a pure gold coin as round as the circumference of the sun and bearing the image and inscription of the ancient Roman deity Sol Invictus.

The NATO soldiers on the ground had no idea who this exotic looking strikingly beautiful woman was who was inspecting them and being led around in her inspection by German Gen. Wolfgang Vulkan.

The soldiers knew it couldn’t be German Chancellor Angela Merkel as (mercifully for them) she looked nothing like the German Chancellor.

She looked like American singing superstar Rihanna.

Watching the spectacle and the inspection was the U.K. ‘s Secret Intelligence Service MI-6 Agent who was known only by his code name Diablos Nocturna.

Diablos Nocturna was pretty sure that the one- eyed German general showing Isis the troops was the ancient Norse vampire Odin worshipped as Odin by the Vikings and as Wotan by the ancient Germanic tribes.

“So Gen. Vulkan,” Isis looked directly into the General’s good-eye, “do you think we’ll finally have a war against Russia?”.

“That is my fondest hope, my lady,” the general bowed to her, “as it is yours.”

. . .

The Mossad agent they called the Controller of the Golem read the document that had been forwarded to him from Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.

It was a copy of a handwritten note sent to Mr. Netanyahu earlier this year by the Paris-based Egyptian billionairess Isis (whom rumour had it was a Vampiress) offering to help the Israeli government build a Third Jewish Temple on the Temple Mount provided they erected a statue to the ancient Egyptian god Osiris within the Temple.

. . .

MI-6 Agent Diablos Nocturna was engaged in a night of passionate lovemaking and steamy sex with the sexy and sultry Egyptian Vampiress Isis.

After sex, both of them put nicotine patches on their bodies to get the respective post-coital nicotine high while escaping the hazards of dying from lung cancer due to smoking cigarettes (although in Isis’ case she needn’t have worried since a wooden stake through the heart would be far more lethal than any cigarette).

As she inhaled the pretend non-existent cigarette in her mouth, she received a text message on her smart phone from Gen. Vulkan, Interesting developments on the ground in Ukraine. It’s Brussels sprouts for the Valkyries.

Isis immediately stood up and got dressed.

Looking every inch an Egyptian queen, she adjusted her dress and announced, “I’ve got to get to NATO Headquarters in Brussels.”

She left.

At that moment, Diablos Nocturna received a text message from the Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec in Mexico City.

He said with all the eloquence of a Tom Hanks character in a movie adaptation of a Dan Brown novel, “I’ve got to get me to an antiquarian book store in the Gloucestershire town of Tewkesbury.”

. . .

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 8th
2014.

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Dateline: Berlin

May 4, 2014 at 7:20 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dateline: Berlin

Russian President Vladimir Putin was pleased to visit an FSB interrogation room.

For one of his top FSB agents the Russian Vampiress Svetlana Kireeva had finally captured the Ukrainian Intelligence Service’s top agent the Ukrainian Vampiress Inna Huculak.

Mr. Putin noticed that the blonde Vampiress Miss Huculak was wearing a ripped and torn cream coloured Gucci evening dress.

He then happened to notice that the brunette Vampiress Miss Kireeva was wearing the same cream coloured Gucci evening dress.

He deduced that Miss Kireeva had no doubt ripped and torn Miss Huculak’s dress for wearing the same outfit as she.

Svetlana was no doubt furious that she had been caught undead wearing the exact same dress as another woman.

. . .

The agent for the Portuguese Intelligence Service caught the midnight flight from Lisbon to Berlin.

He was carrying a secret message of a highly delicate nature- so delicate that his superiors decided to send him to Berlin to rendezvous with another agent in person (like in the good old pre-digital days of the Cold War) rather than risk sending it over the Net or some other form of electronic communication where it might be picked up by some highly sophisticated electronic eavesdropping system.

The Portuguese agent was to meet the Israeli Mossad agent by the last remaining portion of the Berlin Wall which served as a memorial to those terrible days at the height of the Cold War when Berlin was a divided city.

The two agents would identify one another with the line, “Please sir, I want some more” to which the other would respond, “What the dickens do you mean?”.

The Portuguese agent saw the man standing alongside the Berlin Wall reading a copy of Oliver Twist.

The Portuguese agent walked over and said, “Please sir, I want some more.”

The other man responded, “What the dickens do you mean?”.

Both men were gunned down by machine gun fire.

“Look Martha,” an American tourist pointed out to his wife on the late night tour bus, “they’re role playing a cross-over escape from east to west.”

“Yeah, that looks like real blood too,”
his wife applied dark rouge lipstick to her lips.

The ‘pro-Russian militia man’ walked over to the body of the Portuguese agent and removed the message from inside the dead man’s vest.

As he walked away, the all-night tour bus was playing on the radio a local Berlin radio talk show where Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov had phoned in to say that he categorically denied that there were any Russian soldiers operating in Berlin these days.

. . .

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday May 4th
2014.

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Haiku About Hegelian Synthesis of Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union

March 22, 2014 at 3:20 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Politics) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Haiku About Hegelian Synthesis of Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union

Hitler + Stalin
Hegel’s dialectics equals
Vladimir Putin

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Winter Olympics Open In Sochi and More Fallout Over Kiev

February 7, 2014 at 8:39 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Winter Olympics Open In Sochi and More Fallout Over Kiev

Renfield R. Renfield and Amadeus Emanon were watching the highlights of the Opening Ceremony of the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi on BBC World News.

“Say,” Amadeus asked between munches of hot buttered popcorn, “isn’t that the Norse vampire Odin and the Norse vampire Thor walking on one side of the stadium and the Norse vampire Loki and the Norse wolf Fenrir walking on the other?”.

Renfield looked up from the book he was reading by early 20th Century Italian Marxist theoretician Antonio Gramsci and glanced at the screen, “Yes, I believe it is.”

The scene then switched to Bosnia-Herzegovina where anti- government protests had turned violent.

“Say isn’t that the Ancient Greek vampire Ares in the crowd eating a Mars bar?” Amadeus asked between sips from a bottle of Coca-Cola whose ingredients were listed in the Spanish language (which no doubt would have offended a U.S. Republican Congressman of the Tea Party variety).

“I believe so,” Renfield looked up from his iPhone where he was checking French President Francois Hollande’s Facebook status that read “I did not have sexual relations with that woman…” although he had written it in French.

As a comment below the status, someone had posted a photo of a cartoon caricature of Francois Hollande looking like an extended nose Pinocchio.

On the darkened streets of Sarajevo at night, the BBC News cameras showed the ghost of an assassinated Austrian Archduke walking around saying, “I am the ghost of Franz Ferdinand doomed these past one hundred years to walk the night…”

BBC World News then showed the streets of Kiev where the ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith was walking around hitting Ukrainian policemen on the head with a smart phone shaped spiked stiletto high-heeled shoe while a Ukrainian protestor whistled the theme song from the old 1960s American TV series Get Smart.

“I wonder what Lilith is doing in Kiev?” Amadeus asked as he reached into a bucket of chicken wings

“Maybe looking for a good recipe for Chicken Kiev,” Renfield responded while glancing through a biography of Neville Chamberlain.

The BBC News then showed a video of German Chancellor Angela Merkel looking apoplectic while blasting the United States for a derogatory remark that U.S. Assistant Secretary of State Victoria Nuland had made about the EU in a phone conversation with the U.S. Ambassador to Ukraine.

“F— the EU,” the bugged recording of the conversation had Victoria Nuland saying.

As Renfield flipped through the pages of a book called The Role of The Kama Sutra in Geopolitics and International Relations, Amadeus asked him, “Who do you suppose is responsible for bugging that phone conversation between Assistant Secretary of State Nuland and the U.S. Ambassador to Ukraine?”.

Renfield a renowned hacker, wiretapper and eavesdropper in his own right grinned but said nothing.

Outside the window of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s estate, a colossal raven sat in the branches of a giant oak tree and looking in and eavesdropping on Amadeus and Renfield started to crow, “It’s all a Jewish conspiracy. It’s all a Jewish conspiracy.”

The raven raised its right claw on which it had a black swastika decorated armband.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 7th
2014

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Magog’s New Mission Impossible

November 4, 2013 at 8:24 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Politics, Satire, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley was in his House of Commons office drinking from a bottle of brandy.

 

 

The phone rang.

 

 

It was German Chancellor Angela Merkel.

 

“Madame Chancellor,” Magog was shocked, “I hope you’re not calling from your mobile phone.”

 

 

“No, Herr Magog,” the Chancellor replied, “I’m calling from a secure line.”

 

“That’s good,” Magog wiped his brow.

 

“Have you checked your mail today?” Mrs. Merkel asked.

 

“Not yet,” Magog replied.

 

“Check and see if you’ve got something from a company called Odin Insurance in Munich,” the Chancellor directed.

 

Magog sifted through his mail.

 

“I do in fact,” Magog stated.

 

“Open it,” the Chancellor directed.

 

Inside was a handwritten note to U.S. President Barack Obama from the German Chancellor.

 

Magog read it and gulped.

 

“I take it being the curious snoop you are, you’ve read the message,” the Chancellor laughed.

 

Looking out the window of his office, Magog could see a curious cat touch a live electrical wire and then fall to the ground dead from electrocution.

 

“Well… um… ” Magog stammered.

 

“It’s all right, Magog,” the Chancellor laughed, “now I want you to go to Washington D. C.  and deliver that message in person to President Obama.”

 

“But why me?” Magog protested, “Why not one of your diplomats or a member of the Bundestag?”.

 

 

“Because they’re all under surveillance by the CIA,” the Chancellor explained, “but no one would bother to pay much attention to a drunken backbench Opposition politician who’s failed abysmally on 3 different peace missions to the Middle East.”

 

 

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Chancellor,” Magog took a sip from his bottle of brandy.

 

 

“You’re welcome, Magog,” the Chancellor replied, “will you do it?”.

 

 

“Call me crazy,” Magog noted the werewolf hairs starting to emerge on his human skin, “but I’ll do it.”

 

 

“That’s great,” the Chancellor sounded pleased, “now if you excuse me, I see I’ve got a call from Sarah Palin coming in on my mobile.”

 

 

“Sarah Palin?” Magog asked the

now empty receiver.

 

 

 

 

                        .           .           .

 

 

 

 

The NSA official doing the surveillance spilled tea and canned Alaskan salmon all over himself when he noticed the name coming up on the mobile.

 

 

 

 

 

To be continued.

 

 

 

 

 

-A vampire novel chapter

  written by Christopher

  Monday November 4th

  2013

 

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