Athena and Dashwood Forrest

July 5, 2019 at 11:27 pm (Folklore, Mythology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Athena and Dashwood ForrestĀ 

“That bust does not do you justice, Athena,” London art gallery curator Dashwood Forrest remarked to the Greek goddess of Wisdom.

“To which one of her breasts are you referring, Master?” Asked Mulligan the Irish zombie who was Dashwood Forrest’s somewhat inept living dead manservant.

“Mulligan, go outside and play in the rain,” Forrest ordered.

The Irish zombie did so where he was swept away by the rain.

“I apologize for the idiotic intrusion,” Forrest bowed to the Greek goddess.

“It’s all right,” Athena smiled, “I found his remark somewhat amusing.”

“I wish more customers were like you,” Forrest sighed, “Mulligan drives a lot of them away with his comments that is if his zombie appearance doesn’t drive them away first.”

“Who sculpted this bust of me?” Athena asked.

“A chap by the name of Mario Rossini,” Forrest answered, “A promising young sculptor who was killed after being hit by a train while moulding a clay figure of a bull (in a farm field) while sitting on a railway track. He really took the combined fields of performance art and sculpture to a new level. What level of Dante’s cosmos he wound up in, I could not say.”

“I don’t think I shall purchase this bust of me,” Athena moved on to an oil painting of Hermes.

“I do not blame you,” Forrest placed a towel on the head.

“What a remarkable figure of a leprechaun,” Athena looked at a clay statue of a leprechaun, “he looks somewhat like my grandson.”

Forrest coughed, “Grandson? But I thought you were a virgin goddess?”.

“Have you never heard of artificial insemination, Mr. Forrest?” Athena winked at him.

Forrest turned ghastly pale at the Greek goddess’ remark.

“Relax, Mr. Forrest,” Athena laughed, “I’m only joking.”

“Thank God,” Forrest looked relieved.

“You no doubt heard how I was born from my father’s head when my father Zeus had a headache,” Athena recalled.

“That tale I remember very well,” Forrest commented as he took an aspirin with a glass of water.

“Well one day I had a headache after walking across the desert sands of Egypt feeling quite dehydrated and I gave birth to Sophia from my head,” Athena recounted.

“Sophia?” Forrest drank the water.

“The Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom,” Athena explained, “worshipped by various Gnostic groups throughout the centuries. Anyhow back in the 1st Century AD, she encountered the immortal Egyptian scientist Imhotep. Imhotep was working on the concept of artificial insemination back then and he artificially inseminated Sophia and she gave birth to a leprechaun whom she called Yaldabaoth.”

“That name Yaldabaoth sounds familiar,” Forrest creased his eyebrows in thought, “but I don’t associate him with leprechauns.”

“Well no mother wants to say her son is a leprechaun with a serious drinking problem,” Athena smiled, “so she told people that Yaldabaoth was the demiurge who created the material physical universe.”

“Oh yes,” Forrest nodded, “that’s where I’ve heard the name.”

Meanwhile Mulligan the Irish zombie was being swept down the street in a torrent of rain water.

He suddenly came to a halt after crashing into an alley wall.

But not before knocking over a garbage can first.

Out of the garbage can fell an Irish leprechaun.

“Saint Patrick and Saint Kevin preserve us!” Yaldabaoth exclaimed, “What a rude awakening!”.

“Mulligan!” The Irish zombie doffed his shamrock emblazoned cap to the little fellow, “Irish zombie Mulligan.”

“Yaldabaoth!” The leprechaun replied, “Irish leprechaun Yaldabaoth! And I dare you to try and pronounce that name correctly after you’ve had 20 glasses of whiskey.”

-A vampire novel chapterĀ 
written by Christopher
Friday July 5th
2019.

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Imhotep: Behind the Hammer of Film

March 8, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Imhotep Pontifex Ra ran a small souvenir store in Rome not far from the Vatican.

Imhotep specialized in selling reproduction paintings and reproduction sculptures of the great Renaissance works of art to be found in the Vatican.

Imhotep enjoyed his current job.

It was quiet and kept him out of the spotlight.

For Imhotep had once had very challenging and important jobs that once kept him in the spotlight.

For Imhotep was roughly 3000 years old give or take a couple of centuries.

Officially he flourished back in the late 27th Century BC as THE Imhotep (“The One who comes in peace”). He was the Imhotep who served as Chancellor to the Egyptian Pharaoh Djoser and the Imhotep who was the High Priest of the sun god Ra at Heliopolis.

He was supposed to have died centuries ago.

In reality a fruit from the Tree of Immortality in the Garden of Eden had been brought to him by a mermaid.

He had eaten it and become immortal.

But he kept a low profile throughout the millenia only stepping into public limelight now and again.

With his knowledge of genetics, he had helped Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom give birth while still being a virgin.

She gave birth to an eccentric creature called Yaldabaoth who went to Ireland and became a leprechaun.

Although she claimed that Yaldabaoth was the Demi-Urge who created the universe and was the same being as Yahweh the god of the Hebrews.

Most Gnostic groups accepted Sophia’s statement on the subject as authoritative.

Fortunately Yaldabaoth spent his time sleeping under rainbows alongside pots of gold after drinking too many pints of Guinness and too many bottles of Irish whiskey and so didn’t show up at any of Sophia’s red carpet parties in Hollywood alongside Tom Hanks and Dan Brown that were sponsored by the Kabbalah Centre in Los Angeles.

That way Yaldabaoth wasn’t around to rain on her parade.

That was left to a Hollywood producer whose perverted fetish was giving golden showers to people.

That producer was now facing jail time on charges of gross sexual misconduct.

After Sophia gave birth to Yaldabaoth, she gave up being a virgin when she fell in love with the Greek god Pan (a satyr) and had a torrid love affair with the half-man half-goat deity.

She gave birth to Baphomet (an androgynous half-male, half-female, half-goat, half-human demon hybrid) as a result of this liaison.

And Baphomet was one of the two demons worshipped and venerated by many members of the U.S. Democratic Party (the other demon being Baal).

So much for Imhotep’s association with Sophia.

Imhotep later served as a supernatural advisor to both Merlin and Morgan Le Fay during their supernatural battle for control of Camelot and Avalon.

He served as a physician to the Knights-Templar, the Knights-Hospitaller and the Teutonic Knights during the Crusades.

During the Renaissance, he served as an advisor to many alchemists and practitioners of Hermetic magic.

He also translated the works of Hermes Trismegistus from Egyptian and Greek into Latin, Italian, French and German.

He knew the German Renaissance alchemist, astrologer and magician Dr. Johann Georg Faustus who supposedly died in an alchemical experiment explosion at the Hotel zum Lowen in Staufen im Breisgau in 1541 when the demon Mephistopheles came to collect his soul.

In reality, Faust was only disfigured in the explosion and continued to live.

Although his face was now reconstructed out of various forms of grain, wheat, thistles and vegetation.

He finally died in 2011 when the then Set Enterprises Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering Renfield R. Renfield hired an Irish arsonist to set fire to Faust’s farmfield of a face in order to do away with a scientific rival to Set Enterprises’ Chief Scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

Ironically enough, Imhotep had an affair with the vampiress Marguerite (who was Faust’s great love) in Germany back in the 1930s.

Marguerite had dropped Faust like a hot potato back in the 1540s after the alchemist had become disfigured.

Faust had gotten rid of his hot potato of a nose but Marguerite still did not take him back.

Instead she had an affair with the Vampiress Lilith who turned her into a vampiress.

In the 1930s, Marguerite had become an opera singer singing Wagnerian operas and Marguerite had become Der Fuhrer’s favourite opera singer.

Imhotep who served as a collector of relics for the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau during that decade had met Marguerite backstage at a production of Parsifal and it was lust at first sight.

They had a child as a result of that encounter- Dr. Faustus Imhotep who was currently the acting head of DARPA.

Being the son of an immortal Egyptian high priest and a vampiress, Dr. Faustus Imhotep looks far younger than his 85 years.

Donald Trump and most people in the U.S. government think Dr. Faustus Imhotep is only 40.

From the late 1950s to the early 1970s, THE Imhotep, “The One who comes in peace” and now calls himself Imhotep Pontifex Ra the Rome souvenir vendor, served as an advisor to Britain’s Hammer Films Studios giving them advice on both Dracula and Mummy films as Imhotep was an expert on both mummies and vampires.

Some of the women Imhotep met as an advisor on mummies, vampires and vampiresses to Hammer Films:


Ingrid Pitt


Jenny Hanley in Scars of Dracula 1970


Ingrid Pitt as Countess Dracula 1971


Valerie Leon In Blood From The Mummy’s Tomb 1971

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 8th
2019.

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Semiramis’ Early Valentine’s Day Present For Dracul While Andrew Cuomo Sacrifices A Pig To Greek God Zeus For Chinese New Year

February 5, 2019 at 11:55 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, love, Mystery, Mythology, News, Politics, Spy Tales, Technology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


Semiramis: “Happy Valentine’s Day, Mr. Van Helsing.”

“But it isn’t quite Valentine’s Day yet,” Van Helsing looked at his Latin sun dial wrist watch (which didn’t work quite so well at night) as he addressed the immortal Queen of Babylon.

“But it is Chinese New Year,” Semiramis smiled, “so I thought we’d take the Persian magic flying carpet that the ghost of Orson Welles left behind in the hotel and use it to fly to your old home town of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada and have dinner at the Blue Willow Restaurant there at your favourite table alongside the statue of Kwan Yin the Buddhist Mother Goddess of Mercy.”

“Or,” Dracul joked, “we could order take out from Lydo Chinese Food.”

He recounted their TV commercial musical song jingle from his childhood, “4-2-6- 5-0-5-0 (their phone number- Editor’s Note), if you’re hungry call the Lydo… now. Free delivery.”

“Van Helsing, shut up,” Semiramis commanded in a spanking dominatrix tone of voice that turned Dracul on.

. . .

Meanwhile in Washington DC, Donald Trump was giving his State of The (Dis)Union Address as the ghosts of Abraham Lincoln, Jefferson Davis, Robert E. Lee and Ulysses S. Grant watched from the public gallery.

It was deja vu all over again for the quartet.

. . .

In Beijing China, the Black Dragon had arranged for a Lunar New Year celebration for Chinese leader Xi Jinping.

A wild boar with an Apple iPhone in its mouth along with a real apple was brought in on a silver platter.

The wild boar was dressed in the Stars and Stripes of the American flag and the apple (fruit not iPhone) had a miniature Canadian flag on a toothpick along with a marijuana cigarette sticking out of it.

. . .

In the Episcopal Cathedral of Saint John The Divine in New York City, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo was sacrificing a live Vietnamese pot bellied pig to a statue of the Greek god Zeus that had been placed in the Lady Chapel.

Horrified looking holographic images of Miss Piggy and Kermit the frog (projected by the CERN Large Hadron Collidor in Switzerland) looked on in horror.

“Kermit, do something,” Miss Piggy shrieked.

“What can I do?” Kermit answered as he ate flies from a can of sardines whose expiry date had long since expired, “It ain’t easy being green.”

. . .


Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom stood alongside a marble bust of Pan the Greek satyr nature god (her one time lover) and addressed the ghost of Orson Welles.

“Do you know how my son Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun is celebrating Chinese New Year in Ireland?” Sophia remarked, “Drunk under several pints of Guinness and a pot of gold.”

“I should have done the same,” Welles’ ghost remarked while suffering an acute case of spectral ectoplasmic indigestion after having ordered the Hungry Ghost Plate Special at Ho Ho’s Chinese Food in the Hub Mall of Edmonton’s University of Alberta campus while a marriage proposal was happening in front of the express food concession stand.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 5th
2019.

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