Pan Goatee Beheads Non-Social Distancing Uglos

April 24, 2020 at 10:34 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Short play, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Pan Goatee Beheads Non-Social Distancing Uglos

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was awakened by the sound of a bunch of cars honking.

Some bozos in the neighbourhood decided to celebrate some stupid occasion by driving around in dozens of cars honking their horns.

All because people could no longer meet in groups above 15 due to the dictates of Alberta Premier Jason Fat Boy Kenney’s ugly looking female Provincial Health Officer.

How did he ever miss out on beheading her?

Probably because he’d never visited the provincial capital of Edmonton he deduced in Sherlockian fashion.

Goatee looked out the window and vomited all over the coffee table when he saw a whole bunch of ugly looking females standing up and down the block (not practicing social distancing either- the ugly looking airheads) waving signs with stupid slogans.

Goatee reached for his astral laser machete and went running down the block beheading the ugly looking females en masse.

He approached one ugly looking school girl.

“You know what the trouble with ugly looking kids is?” Goatee explained as he lopped the young uglo’s head off, “they grow up to be ugly looking adults.” 

“You’ll no longer have to worry about following the WHO’s social distancing regulations ever again,” Goatee remarked to one ugly looking mother as he decapitated her.

Later that day, Alberta’s ugly looking female Provincial Health Officer addressing her daily news conference while this time wearing a paper bag over her head (because there were rumours that Pan Goatee was in the provincial capital) told the social distancing media that she had several non-Covid 19 deaths to report, “Several females in our province have been beheaded today because they were ugly. Returning once again to our daily Covid-19 death count…”

On-line bookies and on-line gamblers waited with baited breath to see who would win today’s jackpot for having correctly predicted the exact number of Covid-19 deaths in the province for the day.

. . .

Down in Las Vegas Nevada, Ares the Greek god of war and Thor the Norse god of thunder had the entire city to themselves since all the casinos, lounges, bars, restaurants and wedding chapels were now closed to mortal humans.

Desert coyotes and road runners were outside the buildings running amuck in city streets.

Ares and Thor after having finished off all the liquor and booze in the Bellagio Hotel and Casino were now starting on all the booze and liquor at the Caesars Palace Hotel and Casino.

Ares (drinking a Corona with lime): Say what’s the number of recoveries from Covid-19?

Thor (drinking a bottle of tequila with half a worm in it): What?

Ares: The number of recoveries from Covid-19. They’re always talking about the number of cases of Covid-19. The number of deaths from Covid-19. How come they never give the number of recoveries from Covid-19?

Thor: I don’t know. Do I look like the fucking Director-General of WHO?

Ares (putting on a pair of glasses he had swiped from the hotel’s sole remaining security guard who had died after injecting Lysol household disinfectant directly into his lungs on the recommendation of U.S. President Donald Trump) : No, you don’t look like the sort of person who would give Xi Jinping blow jobs.

Thor: That’s because I’m not.

Ares: What will happen if people are quarantined in their homes all across the planet for the next 18 months to 2 years like so many scientific experts are suggesting but no political leader seems to want to mention?

Thor (making himself a lime Margarita) : I don’t know. A lot of people will go insane I guess.

Ares: And what about the economy? It will totally collapse won’t it? What will happen to agriculture? The food supply? People are going to start dropping dead of hunger aren’t they? 

Thor (warming up a frozen plate of Hors d’oeuvres in the lounge microwave) : Oh, probably.

Ares: How am I going to be able to start any wars if people are dead?

Thor: Well maybe you better go start a war before a whole bunch of people start dying from the pandemic or dying from hunger.

Ares (hiccoughing) : An excellent suggestion. I think I’ll go do that now.

(Ares stumbles his way outside where he’s then run over by a road runner)

-A vampire novel chapter
and short play 
written by Christopher
Friday April 24th
2020.

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Armistice Eve- 100 Years Later

November 10, 2018 at 11:55 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

On Armistice Eve 1918, Ares the Greek god of war, Thor the Norse god of thunder and Morrigan the Celtic goddess of war walked sadly across the battlefields of France
for their handiwork was about to come to an end in less than another 24 hours
Thor asked, When shall we three meet again?

The answer would be in more than another 20 years
when a modern worshiper of Thor and Odin and a hater of the God of the Jews
would seek to expand his reach across the globe.

Now 100 years later,
the anniversary of Armistice Eve
The three were plagued with sad memories
as they recalled the tapestry of blood and slaughter they had weaved a century ago
had come to an end.

Anniversary of sad times
Ares wiped a tear
Thor blew his nose
and Morrigan asked,
Now, when shall we three meet again?

In a nearby field, a row of poppies gently blew in the evening breeze
no doubt the answer was there blowing in the wind
as in the sky, the skylarks cried,
wondering whether they’d be joined by raven-crows or snow white doves.

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday November 10th
2018.

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