Aphrodite In Venice
The Greek goddess Aphrodite in the city of Venice
The Greek goddess Aphrodite was in the city of Venice wearing a beautiful lilac dress as she walked along a brick pier.
She was here to meet Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
Van Helsing was on a mission for Set Enterprises.
Set Enterprises was hoping to stop Asclepius the Greek god of medicine, Thoth the Egyptian god of math 🧮 and the sciences, the Norse trickster god Loki, evil deranged mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci and the satanic AntiPope Jorge Mario Bergoglio from bringing the Egyptian divine trio of Isis, Osiris and Horus back from the dead.
Isis, Osiris and Horus had recently been dispatched to the Underworld by Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit secret agent Phoebe Sears.
The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was hoping to use Van Helsing’s influence with Aphrodite to use her influence with Zeus to use his influence with his grandson Asclepius not to bring that Egyptian divine trio back from the dead.
Orson Welles’ ghost was on a boat enjoying a plate of spectral Black Sea caviar as Van Helsing approached Aphrodite.
Van Helsing and Aphrodite went to a nearby Venetian restaurant to discuss their plans.
The waiter in the restaurant poured Dracul and Aphrodite glasses of iced water as the pair examined the menu.
Samhain Cardinal Salaman (one of the few heterosexuals in Francis’ Vatican Curia) walked by.
He tapped each one of the glasses of iced water 💦 and turned it into wine 🍷.
“Don’t worry,” the Cardinal smiled, “I am just a volshebnik. I am not Christ.”
Meanwhile back on the boat, the ghost of Orson Welles holding a glass of red wine 🍷 that suddenly turned to iced 🧊 water 💦 watched as the ship The Flying Dutchman sailed into the Venetian harbour.
“Captain Hendrick Van der Decken at your service,” a man wearing the 18th Century maritime uniform of a sea captain for the Dutch East India Company appeared in front of Welles.
. . .
World Economic Forum Chairman Klaus Schwab would be speaking to a group of influential businessmen.
Set Enterprises had sent one of their Intelligence Unit secret agents the invisible 6 foot 8 tall Welsh pooka purple bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger to inject a needle 💉 containing truth serum into the buttocks of Klaus Schwab so he would be compelled to tell the truth at some point during his speech.
As Schwab stood up at the podium shooting his mouth off with banal platitudes, he suddenly grimaced but then went on.
Said Schwab, “Adolf Hitler said it by railway loudspeaker to the Jews leaving by train to the camps of Auschwitz, Buchenwald and Dachau almost a century ago and I will say it again, “You vill own nothing and you vill be happy.” Oh kacke scheisse, I can’t believe I just said that.”
. . .
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing a Saturday night podcast.
Noted Renfield, “Earlier today I got an invitation on Facebook from a group calling itself Bud Light Drinkers 4 Justin a group whose motto is Justin Trudeau is The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread 🥖 🍞. I googled the group and I’d have to say the photo of the group Bud Light Drinkers 4 Justin looks a lot like The Rocky Horror Picture Show but with a lot uglier looking transvestites. I messaged them back saying Thanks but no thanks. I also pointed out that Justin Trudeau is not the greatest thing since sliced bread. He’s the greatest thing since castration.”
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Saturday June 3rd
2023.
Aphrodite In The Park
The Greek goddess Aphrodite in a park in London
The Greek goddess Aphrodite was sitting in a park in London.
She observed as the Greek god Asclepius met with the Norse trickster god Loki, a representative of evil deranged mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci and an envoy of Pope Francis.
The four discussed how to bring the Egyptian deities Isis, Osiris and Horus back from the dead as the three had all been bumped off earlier this week by Phoebe Sears a cryptographer and code breaker for Set Enterprises (Set Enterprises being owned by the London based ancient Egyptian vampire Set who was the arch enemy of brother Osiris, sister Isis and nephew Horus).
“Incest is never a good thing,” the blind ghost of Thebes’ Oedipus Rex commented as he walked by.
It was definitely applicable to Egyptian royal politics and intrigue especially when Egyptian royalty was elevated to godhood in a pyramid temple ceremony that prefigured contemporary Mormon Temple ceremonies by several millennia.
She watched as a Bud Lite drinking and cross-dressing Neo-Bolshevik Communist FBI agent (on a covert mission for senile old fool Joe Biden) attempted to assassinate British MP Renfield R. Renfield for his recent elimination of much of Los Angeles Dodgers’ management.
The FBI agent was blown away to kingdom come (or queendom goeth) by Renfield sporting his Sean Connery personally autographed James Bond 007 gun.
Aphrodite then watched as Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles stole the magical love inducing bow and arrow 🏹 from her son Cupid/Eros 💘.
They did so because they needed Cupid/Eros’ bow and arrow 🏹 💘 for an upcoming mission on behalf of the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit.
Aphrodite watches as Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles steal the magical bow and arrow from her son Cupid/Eros.
“Come here,” Aphrodite said to Dracul Van Helsing as she adjusted her skirt, “and get across my lap. You need a good spanking for doing that.”
Van Helsing did as he was told.
And Aphrodite spanked the living daylights out of Dracul’s bare bottom.
Van Helsing then made out with her when the spanking was over.
The ghost of Orson Welles grabbed the magic love 💗 inducing bow and arrow 🏹 of Cupid/Eros 💘 and got the Hell out of there.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Saturday May 27th
2023.
Aphrodite Spanks


The Greek goddess Aphrodite
Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun 🍀 had just stolen a bottle of ambrosia on Mount Olympus.
Of course the leprechaun ☘️ was already immortal.
He just liked drinking ambrosia for the taste.
After knocking out Ganymede (male cupbearer to the gods of Olympus) with a sleeping potion and getting his friend Dracul Van Helsing to make out with Hebe (female cupbearer to the gods) to distract her, the little leprechaun 🍀 ☘️ helped himself to a bottle of ambrosia from the Mount Olympus cupboard.
As he walked by Aphrodite’s room, he saw her looking like this:
So naturally he entered.
“You little thief,” Aphrodite said to the leprechaun 🍀 ☘️ when she noticed the bottle of ambrosia in his hand.
She took Yaldabaoth over her knee and spanked him.
Yaldabaoth walked away from Mount Olympus rubbing a sore bottom and minus the bottle of ambrosia.
Hebe suddenly walked past Aphrodite’s room with an ecstatic smile on her face.
Seconds later Dracul Van Helsing walked by Aphrodite’s room with an ecstatic smile on his face.
The Greek goddess of love ❤️ quickly deduced in Sherlockian fashion what had transpired between the two.
So she grabbed Dracul Van Helsing, brought him into her room, took him over her knee and spanked him.
They then made love together.
Meanwhile in London, British MP Renfield R. Renfield remarked to the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill, “Dracul doesn’t seem to be answering his cell phone.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 20th
2023
Greek Goddess Aphrodite On A Train Plus 10th Anniversary of Pope Francis’ Election
The Greek goddess Aphrodite was riding a train to eventually get to Glastonbury Abbey.
The Greek goddess Aphrodite had a heard a tale currently circulating among some gods and goddesses that a descendant of King Arthur would someday be the Emperor of a revived Holy Roman Empire.
She endeavoured to look into the matter and decided to start by going to Glastonbury Abbey the alleged burial place of King Arthur and Queen Guinevere of Camelot.
Glastonbury Abbey was also believed to be close to the mythical mystical isle of Avalon where according to another legend King Arthur was just asleep 😴 💤 and resting and waiting to someday reign again on the throne of Britain.
Something that no doubt would come as a severe shock to His Majesty King Charles III if it were to happen in his lifetime.
It turns out Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was also riding this train because he had heard that the evil vampire Toulouse La Track (a vampire who rode aboard British Railway trains 🚊 and sucked the blood 🩸 of beautiful young women while showing them sketches for his paintings 🖼️ ) was aboard this train.
Dracul found Toulouse La Track’s cabin and killed him by staking him through the heart.
If Dracul had not staked and killed Toulouse La Track, the train’s conductor would have most likely done so as this would have been the 72nd time that the vampire 🧛♂️ had been caught riding without a bought and paid for British Rail ticket.
Dracul then set out to find his own train compartment.
He opened one door and saw Aphrodite:
Naturally Dracul Van Helsing being Dracul Van Helsing made out with her.
The ghost of Orson Welles walked in on the scene of the divine climax.
“Holy orgasm, Batman!” Said Welles’ ghost who had binge watched episodes of the 1960s American TV series Batman the night before.
. . .
“So he came with the king’s mandate, bringing nothing worthy of the high priesthood, but having the fury of a cruel tyrant, and the rage of a savage beast.”
-II Maccabees 4:25
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing his Monday night podcast on this evening of March 13th 2023, “Today is the 10th anniversary of the satanic AntiPope Jorge Mario Bergoglio being elected to the throne of Peter…”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 13th
2023.
Mistress of The Dark
Greek goddess Aphrodite filling in for vintage horror movie TV show hostess Vampira on a summer evening in Los Angeles in 1954
Vampira hosted a vintage horror movie TV show on the Los Angeles ABC TV affiliate KABC-TV from 1954 to 1955.
It was a summer evening in 1954 and Vampira had come down with laryngitis.
How was she to host her show tonight?
It was fortunate for Vampira that her drinking companion that night was the Greek goddess Aphrodite.
Aphrodite volunteered to fill in for her.
The scene now switches to a Los Angeles home where 8-year-old Henry a rather precocious boy used to go downstairs to the living room while his parents were asleep and turn on the family black and white TV on low volume and watch The Vampira Show on late night TV.
Tonight he was doing the same again.
The show’s announcer announced, “Regrettably Vampira is unable to host the show tonight…”
“Awwww…” said Henry.
“However Aphrodite is going to fill in for her and here’s Aphrodite…”
“Yay,” said Henry when he saw her.
Henry didn’t think much of the movie being shown but he did like the scenes where Aphrodite gave commentary.
Having divine sight, the goddess saw the psychopathic clown that had entered Henry’s family home and was holding a knife over Henry as the boy sat on the floor in front of the television.
She grabbed the vampire stake from inside the movie being shown and putting her hand through the TV screen in the living room staked the psychopathc clown to death.
“Wow, cool,” Henry enthused.
His mother was not so enthusiastic when she saw the mess on the living toom floor the next morning.
Henry was unable to sit down comfortably for the next week.
-A short story
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday June 30th
2022.
Aphrodite and The Smoking Gun
“But I thought he was immortal, I swear,” the Greek goddess Aphrodite protested to the hotel detective after she realized that she had shot and killed a mortal.
“That Thor is such a creep,” the Greek goddess Aphrodite complained to the Greek goddess Athena in the tea room of the St. James’ Court Hotel in London.
“Having such a high testosterone level, he does seem to have difficulty taking no for an answer,” Athena admitted who had once been pestered for a date with Thor until she whacked him with his own hammer Mjolnir.
Sitting next to the goddess duo was a a young nerd Dr. Sterling Rocher (who would become the father of Set Enterprises’ chief scientist in the 21st Century Dr. Cadbury Rocher).
The year was 1957.
The month May.
It would be another 6 months before the USSR would launch Sputnik.
The place London.
“Excuse me,” Dr. Sterling Rocher cleared his throat, “I couldn’t help overhearing. I’m currently working on a gun whose bullets can lessen the sex drive of a god.”
“Really?” Said Athena, “What a curious thing to be working on.”
“I’m doing it on behalf of a client,” Dr. Sterling Rocher explained.
He didn’t mention the fact that he was developing it on behalf of the Greek goddess Hera who was hoping to use it on her husband Zeus.
“I was wanting to run a test on it,” Dr. Sterling Rocher sipped his tea, “Perhaps I could give it to you to use on Thor.”
“Do you have the gun with you?” Aphrodite asked.
“I do,” Rocher handed the gun to her, “I imagine Thor if he arrives at your hotel room door will have shapeshifted into somebody else.”
That night as Athena prepared to go out to attend a concert by the London Philharmonic Orchestra, the noted singer William Bellhurst was returning to his hotel room.
Alas he went to the wrong room but his key seemed to work on opening the door.
He opened the door, went in (for the room looked identical to his own) and went and poured himself a drink.
Bellhurst went into the bedroom.
Athena entered the bedroom from the bathroom where she had been getting ready.
She saw Bellhurst and assumed it was Thor.
She pulled the Sterling Rocher gun out of her purse and fired.
Bellhurst fell dead to the floor with gaping bullet hole wounds and blood slowly oozed on to the carpet.
The hotel detective arrived in the room after hearing the gunshots.
Aphrodite stood there with gun in hand and Bellhurst lay dead on the floor behind her.
“But I thought he was immortal, I swear,” the Greek goddess Aphrodite protested to the hotel detective after she had shot and killed a mortal.
It just so happened that Eir the Norse valkyrie in charge of healing was staying in the next room.
Eir managed to use her skills to bring William Bellhurst back from the dead.
As for Thor he had currently moved on to a new conquest.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 11th
2022.
Aphrodite, Los Angeles and The Munich Agreement
It was the evening of Thursday September 29th 1938.
The Greek goddess Aphrodite was waiting in the apartment of Los Angeles Private Eye Carson Cody Albion.
Aphrodite had hired Albion to find the giant sea shell from which she had been born on the island of Cyprus.
The sea shell had been stolen from the Paphos Museum on the island of Cyprus last year.
Rumour had it that it had been stolen on the orders of a Hollywood producer.
Aphrodite waiting for Carson Cody Albion Private Eye
“Did you find my birth shell?” Aphrodite asked Albion.
“I did,” Albion took off his trench coat and fedora hat, “David O. Selznick had the shell cut up and turned into pearl earrings. So I’m afraid all the bits of your shell are now gone with the wind.”
“But my birth shell was a cockle shell and not an oyster shell,” Aphrodite pointed out.
“Really?” Albion blinked, “I think Selznick better have the prescription checked on his glasses.”
The Greek goddess Aphrodite had the radio on.
“An agreement has been signed in Munich between Germany, France, Italy and Britain handing the Sudetenland over from Czechoslovakia to Germany. British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain called the Munich Agreement “Peace in our time.” The Czechoslovak government naturally protested the deal. Germany’s Fuhrer Adolf Hitler referred to the Czechoslovak government as a small fringe minority with unacceptable views.”
“I imagine my pen pal in the William Shakespeare Appreciation Society won’t be so happy about this,” Albion poured both Aphrodite and himself some martinis.
“Who’s your pen pal in the William Shakespeare Appreciation Society?” Aphrodite asked as she took the martini.
“A backbench British Conservative MP who once served as a a cabinet minister in both Liberal and Conservative cabinets,” Albion answered, “A fellow by the name of Winston Churchill. A person who actually does his own research and doesn’t believe everything the government and the media tells him.”
Albion squeezed the hell out of a lemon and then threw it in the garbage.
“Holy Don Quixote,” Albion noted, “That’s one sour fruit.”
The garbage can was below an old CN Rail poster from Canada.
“Churchill?” Aphrodite sipped her martini.
“His opponents call him a conspiracy theorist,” Albion noted, “for believing that the German Nazi Party wants to conquer and rule the world.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 30th
2022.
Aphrodite and Amarok
The Greek goddess Aphrodite with the wolf Amarok
French President Emmanuel Macron and Austrian Chancellor Karl Nehammer had both issued decrees that even the gods and goddesses of the world’s various pantheons must be vaccinated against Covid.
Dr. Anthony Fauci had his arm broken in 10 places when he tried to inject the Hindu goddess Kali in her 10 arms.
Karl Nehammer of Austria had fallen to his death after getting hit by Mjolnir the hammer of Thor when he tried to jab the Norse thunder god’s arm.
French President Emmanuel Macron personally chased the Greek goddess Aphrodite to the Arctic Circle to jab her arm.
He found himself being eaten by the wolf Amarok for his troubles.
Amarok wolfed down the Neo-Vichy tyrant’s body with French champagne.
As it was the only way to make the despot’s body digestible.
Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster awoke from his dream and wondered, would these two European Union dingbats really try to enforce compulsory vaccinations on the gods and goddesses of the nations?
. . .
Even though Jorge Mario Bergoglio didn’t really believe the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Christ was present in the Eucharistic host Communion wafer, he decided to inject one (stolen from a Society of St. Pius X tabernacle) with Pfizer, Moderna, AstraZenica and Johnson and Johnson all at once.
After injecting it (Him if it was indeed Christ), he listened with great agony to a classical music 33-rpm record that he was recently forced to buy at a Rome music shop called Stereosound in Via della Minerva near the world-famous Pantheon when he undertook a phoney photo-op to give the world the impression that he was a connoiseur of classical music like his predecessor Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI.
On Tuesday January 11 2022 Francis supposedly made a “surprise visit” to Stereosound at around 7 PM in a white Fiat 500 L to bless the recently renovated premises.
By a “sheer twist of fate” a reporter Javier Martinez-Brocal (reporter for Rome Reports an Opus Dei media outfit that is Francis’ chief media cheerleader and the author of Pope Francis’ Spanish hagiographical biography El Papa de la Misericordia (The Pope of Mercy) and the author of the documentary Francis: The People’s Pope) just happened to be “on hand” to snap the Pope’s picture.
On the record he was forced to listen to, a piece from Mozart’s Don Giovanni was being played.
In the piece a statue of the Commendatore (a military general that Don Giovanni (the Spanish Don Juan) had slain after Don Giovanni had seduced his daughter) was calling on Don Giovanni to repent for his errant ways.
Don Giovanni refuses and he is soon surrounded by a chorus of demons who carries him down to Hell.
As Francis yawned listening to the piece, the statue of the Commendatore appeared to the AntiPope and commanded him to repent.
Francis said “There is no Hell” and found himself surrounded by a chorus of demons who begged to differ.
He was carried down there.
Francis woke up screaming.
It had been a dream.
Suddenly he heard a record drop and the piece from Mozart’s Don Giovanni began to play.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christophe
Saturday January 22nd
2022.
Trouble On The Rock of Gibraltor
“How long before Mr. Puddinhead Dr. Anthony Fauci goes on TV to eulogize all those who died due to taking shots on a bogus premise, specifically one crafted before we had the science on the fact that the spiked protein is itself pathogenic?”
-Renfield R. Renfield MP
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing a Wednesday night podcast.
Said Renfield,
“Gibraltor currently has the world’s worst Covid-19 death rate per capita (2791 per million as of this moment).
This disaster started on December 19th last year when an unprecedented surge in cases was witnessed.
Until that point in time, Gibraltor had been witnessing a decline in cases for almost a month since last November 13th.
What most people do not know is that just a few days before Gibraltor morphed into a Covid killing field, 273 Spanish health care workers (who were directly involved in helping Gibraltor’s elderly and vulnerable populations) were inoculated with the Pfizer vaccine.
It was only after those workers were inoculated with Pfizer that deaths in Gibraltor started to skyrocket.
Similar statistics started showing up in Israel in January of this year.
After two months of Israel vaccinating its citizens with Pfizer, Israel’s Covid deaths doubled in just 2 months of vaccinations.
Newborn cases of Israeli Covid grew by 1600% and hospitalizations doubled.
In Britain we saw a similar surge in Covid cases after its vaccination campaign was launched.
In fact in nearly every country that used the Pfizer vaccine around that time, there was a sudden rise in cases and consequent deaths.
Well, of course, the mainstream media, health “experts” and politicians omnisciently knew that a vaccine could not possibly be responsible for the drastic increase in Covid deaths so some other explanation had to be found.
So what was labelled the “British variant” was blamed for the rise in cases and consequent deaths.
Interestingly enough the “British variant” only emerged when mass vaccination started getting underway in Britain.
And consider that time period back then.
By late December last year, air traffic to and from Britain had been ground to a halt.
Thus how did the “British variant” make Aliya to Israel from Britain when air travel was virtually shut down?
How did the “British variant” make it to Gibraltor where it likewise became the dominant strain in late December with air traffic shut down?
One answer might be that this virus has the ability to travel in the air and all around the world by itself.
If that is indeed the case, then practicing social distancing by keeping six feet apart amounts to Sweet Fuck All to put it bluntly.
However another explanation is that these rapid rises in cases and new variants emerging could be tied to the use of mass vaccinations beginning.
Why is it that, corresponding with the beginning of mass vaccination in Britain, a “British variant” suddenly emerged?
Why is it that, corresponding with the beginning of mass vaccination in Brazil, a “Brazilian variant” suddenly emerged?
Why is it that, corresponding with the beginning of mass vaccination in South Africa, a “South African” variant suddenly emerged?
Could it be that something in these vaccines itself is causing the condition to worsen and spread more rapidly?
Why is it that in virus waves prior to 2019, the Third Wave of a virus was considered the least dangerous (it was starting to weaken as the hosts’ own natural immunity was starting to build up and improve having gone through the 1st and 2nd waves) with the 2nd wave usually considered the most dangerous?
Why is the Third Wave of this CCP Wuhan Virus (labelled Covid-19 by WHO) the most dangerous wave of all for this virus?
It doesn’t make any sense when compared with previous viral pandemic outbreaks.
Some scientists are starting to raise the question, is the spiked protein used in these vaccines itself a pathogen?
Dr. Anthony Fauci, Bill Gates, the WHO and all their apologists will no doubt be very reluctant to follow the science in this case.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 21st
2021.
Greek goddess Aphrodite: Won’t be taking a boat to Gibraltor in the near future
Reblog of Aphrodite At Oxford
A vampire novel chapter I wrote from last year.
Aphrodite At Oxford
The Greek goddess Aphrodite writing her term paper on the Native American myths surrounding the origins of the North American Plains Buffalo
The Greek goddess Aphrodite had recently returned from the town of Stettler, Alberta, Canada where she had been researching Cree and Blackfoot indigenous myths on the origins of the North American Plains Buffalo.
She was putting the finishing touches on her term paper for the class she was taking in World Mythology and Folklore.
The class was taught by Prof. William Charles an Associate Professor of Mythology, Folklore, Vampirism, Lycanthropy and Paranormal Studies at Oxford.
His class was extremely popular and hard to get into.
Nevertheless the Greek goddess Aphrodite when visiting Prof. William Charles in his office before the start of this semester was able to convince the famed supernaturalist into letting her into class even though she had no previous formal education.
The…
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Dracul Van Helsing 
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