Artemis In New York City

September 23, 2019 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Artemis In New York City

The Greek goddess Artemis was renting a rustic looking room in a quaint old apartment building in New York City for the opening week of the U.N. General-Assembly as leaders from all over the world came to the Big Apple and the UN to throw the bull.

The Greek goddess Artemis looked out the window as a haggard looking descendant of the original Minotaur was walking the streets of New York City towards the UN building where he would be thrown around the podium by world leaders.

“Poor bull,” Artemis said to herself.

On the TV in Artemis’ room was the image of Donald Trump appearing on the screen telling the media that he had never said or done anything underhanded in his telephone conversations with Ukraine’s President.

“And there’s the biggest offender of them all,” Artemis said aloud.

The Greek goddess of the hunt was in New York City to try to prevent her brother Ares from using the General Assembly proceedings as a staging ground to get world powers to wage war against Iran.

In this matter of wanting to start a widespread global war, Ares had for his allies Thor the Norse god of thunder and Morrigan the Irish Celtic goddess of war.

Morrigan had already managed to convince German Chancellor Angela Merkel, French President Emmanuel Macron and British Prime Minister Boris Johnson that Iran was responsible for the recent drone attacks on Saudi Arabia’s biggest oil facility.

Renfield R. Renfield who was Britain’s Deputy Foreign Secretary in Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering had tried to argue in a video teleconferencing call with the 3 leaders that the matter must be looked at with sober second thought.

However Morrigan managed to spike Renfield’s lemonade (that he was drinking during the video teleconferencing call) with a lethal brand of Shannon River moonshine that was slipped into Renfield’s lemonade by Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun.

Therefore a most definitely not sober Renfield was unable to convince the 3 leaders to look at the whole Aramco oil refinery attack with sober second thought.

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing entered the apartment.

The vampire hunter was Artemis’ ally in trying to upset the plans of Ares this week.

Artemis and Dracul decided to test out the springs of the mattress on the bed in the apartment.

Zeus had lightning bolts come out of his head when he looked through the window and saw what his daughter was up to with the extremely James Bondish 007 vampire hunter.

. . .

Village of Calypso’s Bosom Sheriff Stonewalled Jackman who was on a top secret mission for Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau (although he had currently forgotten what that mission was) was walking through the UN building carrying several packages of Australian Uncle Ernie’s Chemicals of The Day.

He was stopped and invited to speak at a Conference On Climate Change by a UN official who thought the long-haired hippy looking Sheriff was one of the guest speakers.

Thinking they were candies, the UN official passed out the packages of chemicals to youthful Climate Change activists at the session.

Later on CNN that night, a CNN interviewer was interviewing Swedish teen climate change activist Greta Thunberg via livestream between New York and the newsroom in Atlanta when 3 minutes into the interview, the CNN newsroom director signalled that the livestream be brought to a screeching halt.

“Due to technical difficulties beyond our control, we are unable to continue with the rest of the interview,” the CNN anchorwoman informed the TV audience.

. . .

Meanwhile the South Pacific supernatural entity Cthulhu the Great Old One was meeting with Mammon the ancient Babylonian demon god of banking and commerce in the latter’s Manhattan penthouse apartment suite.

Mammon showed Cthulhu the posters he had printed up that Cthulhu had requested.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Monday September 23rd
2019.

Advertisements

Permalink 10 Comments

Boris Johnson’s Historic Day, Trump’s Hurricane Bluster, Harvey Tallbanger, Greek Goddess Artemis and Dracul Van Helsing

August 28, 2019 at 10:54 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Boris Johnson’s Historic Day, Trump’s Hurricane Bluster, Harvey Tallbanger, Greek Goddess Artemis and Dracul Van Helsing

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was sitting in his office at 10 Downing Street going over some papers this evening.

Earlier in the day, Johnson had sent three Privy Council members up to Balmoral Castle in Scotland to get Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II to prorogue (suspend) Parliament for a month to cut back on the amount of time opposition MPs could use to prevent a No Deal Brexit on October 31st (the biggest Halloween trick or treat in British history).

Outside 10 Downing Street, protestors were shouting “Way hey, ho-ho, this BJ has got to go…”

Inside an adjacent cabinet meeting room, Renfield R. Renfield the Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering was thinking to himself, “What have those protestors got against blow jobs?”.

. . .

BBC News Anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy was reading the news headlines, “And in other news, U.S. President Donald Trump has blasted the territory of Puerto Rico for having Hurricane Dorian barrelling down in their direction…”

The news clip shows Trump speaking to the media before boarding a helicopter, “I’d just like to say that it’s very very inconsiderate for Puerto Rico to have a hurricane barrelling in their direction for the third time in two years. Not cool at all. Two years ago they were hit by Hurricane Irma and then they were severely hit by Hurricane Maria which caused massive amounts of damage. Then they had the post-Maria nerve to say that it was a disaster and they required emergency aid from Washington DC. Again not very cool. And now a mere 2 years later, Hurricane Dorian is heading towards them. Yet again not very cool. What makes Puerto Rico think that regular American taxpayers will keep bailing them out every time they allow themselves to get hit by a hurricane? Like I say very very inconsiderate of them.”

Geeta Guru-Murthy: Mr. Trump then boarded the helicopter where he got hit in the face with a cream pie thrown at him by a 6 foot 8 tall invisible bunny rabbit according to descriptions by Harvey Wallbanger drinking secret service agents.

. . .

The Greek goddess Artemis was waiting for Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in a London hotel room.

“Mr. Van Helsing,” Artemis beckoned him, “I’m here to tell you about the suspicious activities that have been happening at the Thule Air Base in Greenland but let’s get down to other business first…”

And that other business that Artemis had in mind turned out to be very pleasant indeed.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 28th
2019.

Permalink 34 Comments

Brexit, Renfield For PM, Mermaid Miranda and Poseidon’s Trident

March 12, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )


The Vampiress Golgotha standing guard on the Astana Kazakhstan estate of her mother the Vampiress Lilith

A recently discovered Nostradamus tweet on the Internet had sent French and Italian intelligence agents scrambling to the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith’s estate to try to recover the Golem of Prague (recently abducted from his home in the attic of a Prague synagogue) for themselves.

The tweet read, “Whoever controls the Golem of Prague will control the European Union.” #Megalomaniac

German Intelligence agents hadn’t bothered to rush to Lilith’s estate because as German Chancellor Angela Merkel had pointed out, “Nostradamus died long before the Internet was invented.”

But it never occurred to President Emmanuel Macron of France or whatever Italian Prime Minister or Deputy Prime Minister was running the Italian government today while all the other coalition cabinet ministers were down in a Roman vino bar eating spaghetti and drinking vino.


The Vampiress Golgotha ready to slash the throat of any French or Italian intelligence agent planning to steal the Golem of Prague from her mother the Vampiress Lilith’s estate.

. . .

Meanwhile in Washington DC, Donald Trump had directed his Norwegian blue parrot to order the Pentagon to send a U.S. Special Forces unit to Astana Kazakhstan to take control of the Golem of Prague.

. . .

Msgr. Georg Ganswein knocked on the door of the bedroom of Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI.

“Yes,” the elderly Father Joseph Ratzinger opened the door.

“Holy Father,” the personal secretary still referred to the Pope Emeritus as Holy Father, “Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II is on the phone. She wants advice on what to do now that the latest Brexit bill has been defeated in Parliament. She wants to know whether she should request that a national unity coalition government be formed with a freshman MP from an opposition party that has only 2 seats in the House of Commons serving as Prime Minister.”

. . .

“I’m going to be Britain’s next Prime Minister,” MP Renfield R. Renfield announced to his friends Amadeus Emanon, the New Orleans vampiress Angelique Dumont and the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill before passing out at the London pub table where he was sitting after indulging in too many glasses of strong drink.

“He reminds me of me when I was still alive,” the ghost of Churchill remarked with spirited spectral tears in his ghostly eyes.

. . .


The Greek goddess Artemis dressed as a steampunk time traveller stands guard at the Latin numeral clock of Thoth (ancient Egyptian god of time and record keeping) in London as the clock winds down on Brexit.

The Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau vampire Franz Kohler had been travelling back and forth through time to prevent the anti-Nazi Renfield R. Renfield from becoming Prime Minister of Britain in the 2nd decade of the 21st Century thus preventing a resurrection of Der Fuhrer’s 1000-year-old Reich which both Kohler and the dying (hopefully soon to be resurrected) late Fuhrer hoped to achieve through mastery of Die Glocke a bell-shaped time travelling Nazi UFO flying saucer.

Now he was hoping to stop the Thoth clock’s countdown to Brexit to buy himself and the Reich more time.

In his occult research, Kohler had discovered that mermaid venom was capable of killing a god or goddess.

The SS officer put the Amazon blow dart with mermaid venom dipped arrow to his lips.

Only to find himself being shot with silver bullets fired at him by the gun of Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

Kohler fell to the ground mortally immortally wounded while Artemis and Van Helsing embraced and kissed.

“Not more engaging in tantric sex,” Kohler gasped as he saw the couple making out below the hands of the clock.

As Kohler started to slip away into eternal darkness, he could hear the voice of Cher singing from a distant radio, “If I could turn back time…”

. . .

The Mossad agent they call the Controller of The Golem (who no longer controlled his most prized possession the Golem of Prague) was walking sadly along the beach north of Tel Aviv when he came upon some rocks on which sat his good friend the mermaid Miranda who had shapeshifted into and assumed human form.

She too looked sad.

“Miranda, what’s wrong?” The Mossad agent asked.

Miranda looked at Nathan (which was the agent’s first name), “You’ve no doubt heard of the theft of the Greek sea god Poseidon’s trident. Neptune as he was called by the Romans only made the theft public now. The Syro-Phoenician mermaid goddess Atargatis in fact stole it from him a few years ago. And handed it over to the Russians. Poseidon’s trident serves as the basis for the Russian hypersonic Tsirkon missile.”

Nathan gulped.

With his knowledge of both classical mythology and advanced modern weapons systems, he knew that would make the Russian hypersonic Tsirkon missile invincible.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 12th
2019.

Permalink 15 Comments

The Cosmic Origins of P.H. Lovecat

February 4, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Music, Mystery, Mythology, News, Politics, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

His name was Peter Hieronymous Felinedamour.

P. H. Felinedamour for short.

He was an artist.

An artist inspired by the writings of H.P. Lovecraft.

Many Lovecraftian entities showed up in his paintings.

And in the art show that Dashwood Forrest (the Oscar Wilde admiring owner of the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London) would be opening tonight in his gallery, the last painting that Peter Hieronymous Felinedamour ever painted – from December 21st 2012 (the same night that he disappeared) – would be on pre-eminent display in the middle of the gallery for this art show.

Dashwood Forrest was currently showing the painting to British MP Renfield R. Renfield and his date for this evening Lepardia Marango the cultural attache at the South African Embassy in London.

Renfield was bringing Lepardia to the gallery as a way of saying thanks to the cultural attache for saving the Transhumanist MP’s life this past weekend.

Lepardia had stopped an assasination attempt on Renfield by wrestling to the ground the Russian vampiress and FSB operative Svetlana Kireeva.

The incident occurred in the final match of a darts tournament being held at the Clytemnestra’s Revenge and Agamemnon’s Bathtub Pub and Beef House.

The wrestling match between mortal woman and immortal (unless staked through the heart) vampiress caused Renfield to lose the tournament by wrecking his final throw.

Svetlana had intended to assasinate Renfield by firing a poison dart at him with an Amazon tribesman’s blow gun.

Instead the dart hit the left foot of the American Jesuit priest Father Neville Barack Chamberlain (who was theological advisor to New York Cardinal Timothy Dolan advising His Eminence on how to take a firm stand on the most pressing doctrinal and moral issues of the day) causing a paralysis in the priest’s right testicle in an example of acupuncture and chi energy gone horribly wrong.

Lepardia and Renfield gazed at the P.H. Felinedamour painting entitled

Artemis, Cthulhu, Diana’s Sacred Deer and Hecate’s Familiar Black Cat With Clytemnestra Holding A Net and Agamemnon Screaming In The Nude In The Background.

“So that was the last painting he ever painted?” Renfield asked the London art gallery owner as he downed a reddish pink with shades of China blue shooter called Vincent Van Gogh’s Missing Ear.

Ariana Grande walked by in a slit skirted evening dress that prominently displayed her new “Barbecue Grill Finger” (in Japanese lettering) tattoo.

The singer was eating Honey Dipped Chicken Fingers from McDonalds.

No doubt Bill Clinton and the Rev. Jesse Jackson would have loved to have been flies on the wall (or even better, flies on the floor) as the lovely Miss Grande walked by.

“That is correct,” Forrest bowed to Renfield as Renfield crushed and killed a pair of flies on the floor with his right shoe.

Forrest’s personal secretary arrived on the scene to inform the Oscar Wilde lookalike London art gallery owner that his living dead Irish manservant and valet Mulligan the Irish zombie had just accidentally spilled barbecued chicken wings hors d’oeuvres down the evening dress of British Prime Minister Theresa May.

“Excuse me,” Forrest whispered to Renfield and Lepardia as his face turned as pale as the portrait of Dorian Gray and he rushed in the direction of the catastrophe.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday February 4th
2019.


Ariana Grande: Showing off her “Barbecue Grill Finger” (in Japanese lettering) tattoo at the P.H. Lovecat (Felinedamour) Art Show.

Permalink 8 Comments

Cardinal Maradiaga Enjoys A Brandy With The Demon Asmodeus

May 31, 2017 at 4:17 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Cardinal Oscar Rodriguez Maradiaga of Honduras the pompous and arrogant neo-Marxist chairman of the Vatican Council of Cardinals had spent his morning throwing darts at his picture of Raymond Cardinal Burke on his office wall.

He had now run to a Rome taverna where he was to meet the demon Asmodeus for lunch and a brandy.

The demon Asmodeus was quietly sitting at a table in the taverna smoking a cigarette.

He had a bottle of brandy in front of him.

“I hope you don’t mind, your Eminence,” Asmodeus extended his clawed reptilian hand and shook the Cardinal’s hand, “but I’ve already ordered a brandy for myself.”

“Quite all right, my dear friend Asmodeus,” the Cardinal replied, “but where’s your glass?”,

“I don’t drink from a glass,” Asmodeus laughed, “I drink straight from the bottle.”

Whereupon Asmodeus raised the bottle to his demonic lips, drank steadily and then belched.

The smell of sulphur hung steadily in the air of the taverna after Asmodeus’ belch.

“It smells like the smell after a Novus Ordo morning prayer service in my personal chapel,” Cardinal Maradiaga sniffed the air, “Simply divine.”

“I agree,” Asmodeus used his smoking middle finger to light himself another cigarette.

“Meow,” said a voice next to the table.

Cardinal Maradiaga looked down.

At his feet was Hecate’s personal pet black cat and familiar Amorous Laetitia.

Amorous Laetitia’s mistress Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft was feeling quite indisposed these days after her head was decapitated by Pan Goatee and later eaten by the Norse wolf Fenrir.

“I see Amorous Laetitia is here with us,” Cardinal Maradiaga smiled, “and she certainly has a large saucer of milk that she seems to be enjoying.”

“That’s actually a saucer of Bailey’s Irish Cream she’s drinking,” Asmodeus replied with a heavy smoker’s cough.

“I see,” Cardinal Maradiaga said.

He ordered a glass of brandy and a plate of lasagna.

He and Asmodeus then discussed their mutual concerns.

Amorous Laetitia then ordered another saucer of Bailey’s Irish Cream.

And then another.

And then another.

Soon the black cat was dancing on the tables and singing, “Roll out the barrel. We’ll have a barrel of fun.”

“I didn’t know cats had the power of speech,” said a stunned American tourist sitting at another table.

“Maybe they don’t but they certainly have a good singing voice,” said his wife who was clapping her hand and swinging her leg in rhythm to the beat.

“I didn’t know Amorous Laetitia’s drinking was going to be a problem,” Asmodeus blushed but seeing as how his face was flame Hellishly burnt, one couldn’t really tell the difference.

Meanwhile outside the taverna in the direction of the man-made lake and the trees stood the Greek goddess Artemis looking mildly amused.

Greek Goddess Artemis

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 31st
2017.

Permalink 6 Comments