Pan Goatee Invited To The White House

February 4, 2014 at 11:44 pm (Commentary, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee Invited To The White House

Serial killer and U.S. government hired assassin Pan Goatee had been invited to the White House.

He wasn’t sure who he was meeting with there but he had the feeling it was with the Big Chief himself.

Pan Goatee pressed the elevator button.

The elevator showed up at his floor.

He was about to get in when suddenly an ugly looking woman got out.

What the fuck?!-

How dare an ugly looking woman get off just as he was about to get on?

He pulled out his gun and shot her several times making sure that she was dead.

He headed to the stairwell.


Now he would have to start using the stairwell until such time as he spotted a beautiful looking woman enter or exit the elevator that would dispel the curse that now hung over the elevator as a result of an ugly looking woman riding in it.

Pan Goatee then walked to one of his favourite restaurants where he would have lunch prior to visiting the White House.

As he entered the restaurant…

…what the fuck?…

… an old bat senior citizen in a walker was sitting at his favourite table.

So Pan Goatee pulled out his gun and shot her several times making sure she was dead.

He then threw her body and walker out the door into the street.

This semi-automatic he bought at a smiley face price Roll-Back sale at Wal-Mart last week (which he was able to purchase without ID or background check) was certainly coming in handy this week.

He then ordered, ate and enjoyed his usual dish in this restaurant- a plate of meatloaf and sauerkraut.

He then headed to the White House.

At the security check inside the White House, there were some problems arising (due to a computer glitch) with his government employee issued ID.

So Pan Goatee was forced to shoot and kill the White House Secret Service agents present at the security check.

With everyone at the desk now dead, he had no one to ask for directions.

Pan Goatee had to find his way to the Oval Office on his own as he was pretty sure that a White House meeting for a serial killer of his stature (he had beat out Pope Francis in getting his picture on the cover of the Rolling Stone magazine first) could only be with the Big Chief himself.

When he found the Oval Office, he decided to enter without knocking.

Standing there was U. S. President Barack Obama posing for a photo with a small group of elementary schoolchildren.

The children were presenting the President with a petition calling for tougher gun control laws to prevent tragedies like the Sandy Hook Massacre.

Pan Goatee decided that now probably wasn’t an opportune moment to announce that he had just purchased a membership in the National Rifle Association.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 4th

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