Pan Goatee Slays Heavy Drinking Uglo While Hades and Poseidon Hold Summit

June 28, 2020 at 10:30 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Pan Goatee was sickened by the sight of some repulsively ugly looking creature entering a liquor store.

“I guess if I was as ugly looking as you are, I’d be driven to drink as well,” the satyr commented as he lopped the uglo’s head off with his astral laser machete.

He then cut up the said uglo into 999 quintillion pieces with his machete as he addressed the approaching blind folded and covid mask wearing rats and approaching blind folded and covid mask wearing nanites who’d be eating the remains of the uglo and then vomiting them up on the banks of the River Styx for transport to Tartarus, “With the Covid refusing to die down like a good virus, the United Nations’ Communist Secretary-General Antonio Guterres saying he hopes a global Marxist government can be quickly established as the “new normal” in a post-pandemic world and Neo-Bolshevik insurrectionists establishing a neo-Jacobin French Revolutionary style Reign of Terror in the U.S., you’re not helping matters aesthetically polluting Gaia by wandering around with your ugly looking faces ruining the days of sensible people everywhere but of course not the days of stupid people (of which there seems to be an overabundance in the Western world). Dickens said of the years of the original Reign of Terror, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times”. But thanks to the repulsive pathetically ugly ugliness of uglos such as yourself, we’ve only got the “worst of times’ in this second Reign of Terror.”

Meanwhile down in the Underworld, Hades the Greek god of the underworld was holding a summit meeting with Poseidon the Greek god of the Ocean.

“The Underworld seems to be inundated with a lot of uglos these days because of that troublesome satyr Pan Goatee,” Hades complained to Poseidon.

“I don’t think you can blame Pan Goatee,” Poseidon came to the defense of the satyr, “you have to blame the Western world for somehow having an overabundance of ugly females. Our brother Zeus says he no longer visits Canada and the U.S.A. anymore when he’s feeling raunchy. It just invokes nausea in him.”

“Turning to another matter, I granted the ghost of General Andrew Jackson a dispensational release from Purgatory so he can go fight the Neo-Bolshevik insurgents that are trying to take over the U.S.,” Hades lit himself a cigar.

“Jackson heard about that?” Poseidon ate a scallop.

“Yes, news reached him about the Neo-Bolshevik insurgents trying to tear his statue down in the vicinity of the White House a few days ago so now he wants to go fight them,” Hades explained.

“And why did you agree to his request?” Poseidon asked.

“Because he provides me with such good cigars,” Hades blew smoke rings, “although I think he gets them from the ghost of his wife who was apparently quite the cigar connoisseur in her mortal life.”

“What’s the latest with the Neo-Bolshevik insurrection in the U.S. anyways?” Poseidon ate a lobster who was a distant cousin of Set Enterprises’ famed psychic lobster Michelangelo.

“I hear Antifa has been advertising a peaceful family friendly 4th of July Flag Burning at the Gettysburg Cemetery this coming 4th of July,” Hades drank a gin and tonic.

“I imagine Abe Lincoln’s ghost and Union General Ulysses S. Grant will be requesting dispensations if that goes ahead,” Poseidon remarked.

“Undoubtedly,” Hades nodded.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday June 28th
2020.

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New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo Attends Baal and Baphomet Cocktail Party

January 27, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo was spending his Sunday evening attending a cocktail party in honour of the demons Baal and Baphomet.

The party was being held on one of the top floors of the Empire State Building.

The party room had an excellent view of the ghost of the very late King Herod of Judea (recently granted a dispensation by Hades to briefly leave the Underworld at the request of Pope Francis) dancing around the spire at the top of One World Trade Center.

King Herod had bright almost neon bright translucent pink (rather than brown) pieces of ectoplasmic crap that fell out of his anus as it was sodomized by the spire of One World Trade Center while the latest number one hip hop song was played on a cosmic accordion by Hades’ 3-headed dog Cerberus.

“How delightful!” Andrew Cuomo laughed as he ate a barbequed baby rabbit’s foot and watched the spectacle.

The governor walked over to the statue of the Syrian Greek king Antiochus Epiphanes where the demon Baal stood in front of the statue carving roast pork and handing it out to party goers on plates.

Having picked up some roast pork, he then walked over to the statue and fountain of the Greek god Dionysus which showed Dionysus urinating what appeared to be human blood. The blood was in fact a combination of pig’s blood (according to spirit cook Marina Abramovic) and a pinkish style champagne.

Dionysus urinated the blood on top of the head of his Maenad (female disciple) the Theban princess Agave who was mutilating the body of and ripping off the head of her own son Pentheus.

The bloody pink champagne cocktail was served out in a glass by the demon Baphomet.

With glass of pink champagne in one hand and a plate of roast pork in the other, Gov. Cuomo walked over to some of the editors of the New York Times present at the party.

Not far from Gov. Cuomo stood Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

He was not here on official business but was on a date with a female Turkish diplomat invited to the party.

Whitstable was reading on his smart phone about how a Venezuelan hangman executioner had been ripped apart by a blue eyed white wolf and silver eyed black jaguar earlier this week when he attempted to hang the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec for plotting to overthrow Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro.

Coincidentally enough, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was herself in an office above this party getting ready to assassinate a Russian diplomat on behalf of British Intelligence.

She had decorated herself in temporary (albeit realistic looking) tattoos to lure the Russian diplomat who had a fetish for women with permanent tattoos.

Whitstable overheard Cuomo introducing the man who would be the next head of the agency overlooking New York State’s entire Hospital, Health Care and Medical Clinic System to the editors of the New York Times.

Whitstable heard the man speaking with a British accent.

So he looked up.

Whitstable gasped.

The man was the spitting image of the secret Black Museum photo of the real Jack The Ripper that Scotland Yard kept in its archives.

A photo that Whitstable as an Interpol detective had seen.

A man who was apparently an Immortal with the ability to shapeshift into a Kraken.

“Gentlemen, may I present Mr. Jack Locktopus,” Cuomo introduced the new head of the Health Care, Hospital and Medical Clinic Agency to the NYT editors.

The editors smiled at Cuomo’s choice.

A fact for which the New York governor took his Baphomet crucifix (personally blessed by the Jesuit priest Father James Martin) out of his pocket and made an upside down Sign of the Cross.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 27th
2019.


The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec getting ready to assassinate a Russian diplomat.

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Changes In Latitudes, Changes In Attitudes: A Gothic Mythological Private Eye Poem

January 12, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic poem, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

All of the faces and all of the places
Wonderin’ where they all disappeared…
It’s those changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
Nothing remains quite the same
With all of our running and all of our cunning
If we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane

Those changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes…
Through all of the islands and all of the highlands
If we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane.

-Jimmy Buffett, August 1977.


The water nymph Ondine in a pre-Raphaelite painting
that Carson Cody Albion Private Eye gazed at on a wall
An immortal made immortal in stroke of brush and mixture on palette

And now he Carson Cody Albion who had been made immortal by Atargatis

Atargatis

would he too someday be immortalized in stroke of brush and mixture of palette
An immortal beyond time and space
captured on canvas in frame occupying a place on a wall
captured in paint by a particular person at a particular time and place
was this why infinity turned in on itself and formed a pair of loops
intersecting at a particular point in time and space?

And what of his painting?
Albion wondered to himself
Could his own sins and transgressions be transferred to his painted visage
As happened to Oscar Wilde’s hero of one Dorian Gray
in the Victorian dandy’s tale of gothic philosophical fiction?

In the same place California but at a different time over 75 years later
Dracul Van Helsing stumbled upon the aftermath of a child sacrifice to Baphomet
presided over by the state’s governor in an act of officially consecrating the state to the demons Baal and Baphomet
As moonbeams danced and sunflowers turned brown in the darkness of night and the crescent of a moon and the bloodbath following a baby’s screams at the hands of a World War II jerry’s insigniaed knife
Baphometa the daughter of Baphomet emerged

clutching her shoulder as if clutching a bloody wound
that was the sole remaining wound of the last vestige of whatever innocence she might have possessed
prior to participating in her first child sacrifice

Oh even daughters of demons stand wounded
when suddenly they come face to face with the dark side of their nature
when given their pedigree, surely the dark side was theirs by nature
but alas even for daughters of demons, darkness embraced and innocence lost
was not and should not be the lot of any of creation
since that dreaded day when the Light-Bearer ascended and became the Bearer of Darkness
An ascent that descended so rapidly
A light that burned so impenetrably it became the blackest of all darkness

Dracul rushed to embrace the distraught Baphometa
Leaving one to wonder could kindness and consolation drive the darkest darkness away?

Back 75 years, the real Ondine stood in front of Carson Cody Albion

Her hair colour had changed since the Pre-Raphaelite artist
had painted her picture in England in the 19th Century
Changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
What a change that can bring
Switch the time, switch the place
Switch the hair

By a stream of water, the hero in the Pre-Raphaelite painting
had lost the water nymph Ondine
By a fountain of water, Carson Cody Albion had found her

Changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
Even H2O wasn’t the same everywhere
as ice and snow fell into the ocean
Below the cascading castles of clouds

Against a snowy backdrop, the Byzantine vampiress Theodora
stood with her two mastiffs in the Carpathian Mountains of Romania

Facing Interpol agent Peter Whitstable
Whitstable had heard the urban myths and legends and tales of mysterious black eyed children
and now he stood face to face with black eyed dogs
And they stood staring at him
If eyes be the mirror of the soul, then souls these two black eyed mastiffs did not have
But fortunately for Whitstable, he was not their target
The Russian Orthodox monk behind him was
Sent by Patriarch Kirill of Moscow
As an emissary to the Romanian Orthodox Church
to advise them to break communion with Constantinople
But such was not Theodora’s plan
And foolish mortals should not interfere with the best laid plans of vampiresses
Particularly one with black eyed mastiffs at her beck and call

Changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
From the mountain heights of Romania to the desert sands of Arabia
The Countess Draculina daughter of Count Dracula

strolling by the stream of the oasis palace of
Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman
And she saw the Prince walk by
Book in hand
But the book he carried was not the Quran
But the Zohar
Most pre-eminent text in the Kabbalah

Tantric sex with Baphometa was called for
As Marvin Gaye sang Sexual Healing in the background
Dracul Van Helsing healed her
And Persephone the Queen of the Underworld waited for Dracul at sunset
at an Episcopal monastery in Santa Barbara

From the depths of Hades her husband’s realm
To the heights of Santa Barbara
Definitely changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
As Dracul and the Queen of the Underworld had tantric sex
And the Canadian vampire hunter made a cuckold of Zeus’ infernal brother
A pomegranate was crushed beneath the feet of the pair
And Persephone laughed, “Oh, Dracul,
if we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane.”

-A vampire novel chapter
and gothic mythological
private eye poem
written by Christopher
Saturday January 12th
2019.

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Reblog of A Three Headed Dog Like Cerberus and The Hound of The Baskervilles Reincarnated

December 22, 2018 at 11:54 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

A vampire novel chapter I wrote this past June that ties in with some recent vampire novel chapters I have written.

Dracul Van Helsing

A Three Headed Dog Like Cerberus and The Hound of The Baskervilles Reincarnated

Renfield R. Renfield MP for Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds had just received a phone call from his parliamentary Executive Assistant In Charge of Constituency Affairs Mirabella Francesca Franconia the former Spanish flamenco 💃🏻 dancer.

Senorita Franconia suggested that Renfield come to Tewkesbury in person to help out one of his constituents a middle aged widow by the name of Mrs. Margaret Lewis.

Mrs. Lewis owned two dogs – a Welsh corgi and a Dachshund- who had recently both become demonically possessed.

The corgi named Friendly and the Dachshund named Bashful had recently taken to playing around with a Ouija board and as a result of this nefarious new habit, they had both ended up becoming demonically possessed.

Bashful went from being a Dachshund to becoming a giant spectral wolfhound who was able to bark in a medieval…

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Hades Has No Fury Like The Three Furies and Renfield R. Renfield

September 6, 2018 at 11:46 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Hades Has No Fury Like The Three Furies and Renfield R. Renfield

BBC News Announcer: Angela Merkel, Emmanuel Macron, Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau (along with his friend Gali-Gula who is reportedly an ET Gray from the planet Nibiru) are 4 world leaders who accept the United Kingdom’s Salisbury Novichok poisoning allegations.
The United Kingdom has named two men Alexander Petrov and Ruslan Boshirov of Russia’s military intelligence service the GRU as the main suspects.
Most political experts in the United Kingdom agree that Alexander Petrov and Ruslan Boshirov will probably never face justice for their actions.

As he sat in the Parliamentary office of British MP Renfield R. Renfield, the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill remarked, “The experts are once again wrong.”

Meanwhile Renfield R. Renfield was sharpening his carving knife against the rotating grindstone wheel on his office desk as he memorized the faces in the photos of both Petrov and Boshirov.

Meanwhile in Moscow, Russian President Vladimir Putin was opening a box of Cuban cigars that had on the box the Cuban post office stamped mailing address of the Cuban Presidential Palace in Havana, Cuba 🇨🇺.

When Putin reached his hand into the box to grab himself a cigar, the cigar exploded in his face.

A miniature holographic image of Renfield R. Renfield popped out of the box and laughed, “Ha! Ha! Fooled ya!”.

In a paraphrase of one of Agent 86 Maxwell Smart’s favourite expressions on the old 1960s Mel Brooks TV spy sit com Get Smart, Vladimir Putin sighed as he wiped the black ash off his face, “I can’t believe I fell for the old exploding cigar in the fake package 📦 from Havana Cuba trick.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday September 6th
2018.


What happened to Vincent Price’s character in the 1953 horror film House of Wax is child’s play compared with what will happen to GRU Novichok assassins Alexander Petrov and Ruslan Boshirov at the hands of Renfield R. Renfield.

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A Three Headed Dog Like Cerberus and The Hound of The Baskervilles Reincarnated

June 13, 2018 at 11:47 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

A Three Headed Dog Like Cerberus and The Hound of The Baskervilles Reincarnated

Renfield R. Renfield MP for Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds had just received a phone call from his parliamentary Executive Assistant In Charge of Constituency Affairs Mirabella Francesca Franconia the former Spanish flamenco 💃🏻 dancer.

Senorita Franconia suggested that Renfield come to Tewkesbury in person to help out one of his constituents a middle aged widow by the name of Mrs. Margaret Lewis.

Mrs. Lewis owned two dogs – a Welsh corgi and a Dachshund- who had recently both become demonically possessed.

The corgi named Friendly and the Dachshund named Bashful had recently taken to playing around with a Ouija board and as a result of this nefarious new habit, they had both ended up becoming demonically possessed.

Bashful went from being a Dachshund to becoming a giant spectral wolfhound who was able to bark in a medieval form of Norwegian to the veterinarian that it was a reincarnation of the Hound of the Baskervilles who had given Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson much trouble.

Friendly the Welsh corgi went from being a corgi to possessing the body of a gigantic Saint Bernard who happened to have 3 heads- one was the head of a Rottweiler who growled in ancient Babylonian, one was the head of a Bassett hound who whimpered in ancient Egyptian and the third was the head of a chihuahua who yelped in a very peculiar form of Parisienne French and ancient Aztec.

A veterinary psychiatrist who was brought in to determine whether the dogs were demonically possessed or just mentally ill opted for the former explanation after all four of his limbs were bitten off by the Rottweiler head.

That and the fact that both the corgi and the Dachshund had not previously known how to read or speak long dead languages.

Mrs. Lewis had gotten in touch with her parish priest the Church of England vicar Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds the rector of Saint Swithin’s By The Floodwaters Parish Church.

Father Aidan was going to perform an exorcism on the dogs and Senorita Franconia thought it might be a good idea if Renfield as Mrs. Lewis’ local MP helped in the exorcism.

Renfield agreed and said he’d drive right down to Tewkesbury from London to participate in the exorcism.

Renfield met up with Mirabella Francesca Franconia on the streets of Tewkesbury:

Mirabella then escorted Renfield to the Saint Swithin’s vicarage where Father Aidan dressed in a protective suit of medieval knight’s armour stood waiting for them holding the two demonically possessed dogs on a gigantic iron leash.

Father Aidan took Mirabella and Renfield to a place on the other side of town as he thought the exorcism should best be performed outdoors due to the wild unpredictable nature of the two beasts.

The trio expressed disappointment when this sign greeted them at the place where Father Aidan intended to perform the exorcism:

“Well,” sighed Renfield, “it looks like we’ll have to take our demonically possessed dogs elsewhere.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 13th
2018.

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Just Another Day In Paradise?: A Poem

August 2, 2017 at 6:44 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Poetry, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Just Another Day In Paradise? : A Poem

The ArchDuke Franz Ferdinand stirred restlessly
at his picnic spot in the Elysian Fields
also called Elysium
this Paradise
These Fortunate Isles
The Isles of the Blessed

The Anglican Book of Common Prayer
talked about the Church Triumphant in Heaven, expectant in Paradise and militant here on Earth.

Franz Ferdinand being Catholic had not heard about this prayer
but it was correct
Paradise was not the same as Heaven
For Paradise was the abode of the Blessed
And even the Blessed- those of virtue are still sinful
There was only One Perfect Man-Christ
So when one died, one was not given a magical elixir that suddenly made one totally untainted by sin
There were some who died that died in such a manner as to wholly unite themselves with Christ on the Cross
And thus when they died, they were immediately translated to Heaven as Saints
For Heaven was the abode of God the Father- those who could gaze on the Father’s face
and only those totally without sin- those who were perfect could be in the presence of God the Father- otherwise they’d be consumed by divine fire
Even a virtuous heroic man like Moses could not see God face to face and live

Eventually each soul in Paradise would reach that point where they were able to unite with Christ on the Cross
and be covered totally in His Blood
and thus move from Paradise to Heaven- the abode of God the Father

Christ is in Paradise
As he said to the Good Thief on the Cross, Verily I say unto you that on this day you shall be with me in Paradise
Paul wrote that he would go to be with Christ
He was not so presumptive of pride that he said he would immediately go to be with God the Father

Paradise and Heaven- if only the Church had clearly explained there was a difference between the two
Franz Ferdinand reflected.
For many souls in Paradise, this process of freeing one of the after effects of sin could be a painful process
One very purgative in nature
Hence had arisen the doctrine of Purgatory
Of course at one point in the medieval Church, some taught you could buy your way out of Purgatory
which was false
Christ’s Blood was the one and only payment
It was just that at the point of death for most souls, one was still not fully united with Christ on the Cross
And so what one might call in modern bureaucratic terms “a debriefing period” after a mission or an assignment -Paradise was the waiting room to Heaven
For some a very pleasant and paradisiacal period
For others still overloaded with sin at the moment of death, a very purgative period giving rise to the idea of Purgatory
And for those overburdened with sin but who had rejected Christ- their waiting room was outside Tartarus
A place of torment where one could see Paradise- the abode of the Blessed- what the Jews of Christ’s Day called the Land of Abraham’s Bosom- but one could not cross the river that separated them
As the rich man in Christ’s Parable who had ignored the poor man Lazarus’ suffering had found out after his death

And so Franz Ferdinand sat at his spot in the Elysian Fields- waiting the day he could enter Heaven
Still he had other views of the Underworld ruled by Hades
That strange being and entity
whose portals and gateways
would not prevail against Christ’s Church, Christ had said

It was Milton who gave the world the idea that Lucifer as Satan had said, “Better to reign in Hell than to serve in Heaven”
But the truth was that Lucifer was too busy going across the world creating chaos and havoc as it were
to bother with overseeing Hell
Let the entity Hades
do that job
Lucifer as Satan was called the Ancient Serpent, the Dragon, the Devil

Of course Lucifer was not the only Satan
the name Satan meaning “adversary”
Samael the angel of Death was also a great Satan
originally like an Attorney-General or Prime Minister in God’s celestial court
a prosecuting attorney as it were
Always anxious to accuse humans
He certainly did quite the job on Job as recounted in the Book of Job

The Greek Orthodox Church teaches that with the exception of the Fallen Angels (those who had fallen with Lucifer in the original angelic rebellion), angels had until Christ’s 1st Coming to decide their ultimate loyalty and thus their ultimate nature
Just as humans have until the moment of their mortal death or Christ’s 2nd Coming to decide their ultimate loyalty and their ultimate nature
And so it was that the Watchers of Genesis Chapter 6 (whose exploits were more fully recorded in the Book of Enoch) were originally good angels (not having been part of Lucifer’s original rebellion) but of course they fell after having sexual relations with human women

And of course Samael the angelic prosecuting attorney of the Book of Job likewise finally fell before Christ’s 1st Coming because he allowed his adversarial, prosecutorial and accusatory nature against humans to get the better of him and lead to hatred
Such was the folly of this prosecuting angel who was the Angel of Death

In Revelation 20:10, “the Devil (aka Lucifer, aka the Dragon, aka the Serpent- the leader of the original angelic rebellion against God) who had deceived them was thrown into the lake of fire and sulfur”
Four verses later in Revelation 20:14, “Death (Samael the Angel of Death and another major Satan or adversary of man) and Hades (The being/entity who ruled the Underworld) were thrown into the Lake of Fire”.

Such was the final judgement on these three beings- the Devil (Lucifer, the Serpent, the Dragon, also a Satan), Death (Samael the Angel of Death and former angelic prosecuting attorney for God also a Satan) and Hades (the ruler of the Underworld).

And this entity Hades seemed to have several strange beings somehow related to him.
And one of those beings related to Hades stood on the other side of the river grinning at Franz Ferdinand
This being was Ares noted by the Ancient Greeks as their god of war
The same being Franz Ferdinand
had seen shortly after his assassination at Sarajevo in 1914
The being who had brought World War I to the world
(And later World War II)

Ares was putting on armour of a different sort today
Not the armour he used for a civil war or a war between 2 countries or a small group of countries
but the armour he used for the most major of all conflicts-
a world war

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 31st
2017.

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Renfield’s Lottery Ticket

September 13, 2013 at 9:29 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield’s Lottery Ticket

 

 

 

The Greek vampire Zeus had a problem on his hands.

 

 

Ever since Cerberus had abandoned his guard post on the River Styx, hundreds of thousands of ghosts had fled the Underworld of Hades and were now causing havoc on the Earth above.

 

 

Zeus had even received a nasty email from the President of the World Atheist Association threatening legal action and complaining that many of his members were undergoing post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of having to re-evaluate their belief in the non-existence of the afterlife.

 

 

The trouble had been caused millennia ago by a boast that his brother Hades had made to his brother Poseidon.

 

 

The pair had been discussing mortal lotteries and Hades had boasted that there was one series of numbers  that no mortal would ever pick.

 

 

Poseidon had disagreed.

 

 

And Hades said if any mortal picked them, then quote, “May my loyal faithful  Cerberus abandon his post on the River Styx and the souls of the departed depart the Underworld.”

 

 

No mortal had picked them until the shapeshifting hamster/human Renfield R. Renfield had done so.

 

 

The numbers entered his mind shortly after he had gunned down a pompous arrogant American millionaire as the latter was entering a Rolls-Royce limousine outside a London restaurant.

 

The only way the decree of Hades could be reversed was if the said mortal would reverse the numerals of each two digit number he used in his lottery pick and play those numbers.

 

 

 

However the said Renfield kept winning £300 a week by playing those numbers and was unlikely to stop playing those numbers while he was on a roll (like so much golden butter).

 

 

 

 

And so the Greek vampire Zeus spent the past while pulling his hair and beard out while he tried to think up a solution.

 

 

Not relishing a future as a bald and beardless vampiric immortal (fearing this might put an end to his ability to attract mortal women and end his Bill Clintonesque and Jack Kennedyesque style dalliances with them),  he turned to his daughter the Greek vampiress Athena for advice as she always seemed to be full of wisdom.

 

 

 

 

Athena suggested that Zeus send Aphrodite to work her charms on Renfield for as Athena pointed out quoting Vincent Price,  “For no mere mortal can resist the evil of the Thriller.”

 

 

The Thriller was the nickname given to Aphrodite among the gods of Olympus.

 

 

 

The “evil of the Thriller” was the euphemism given to Aphrodite’s sensual charms among the goddesses of Olympus.

 

 

 

 

 

  * * *

 

 

 

 

And it came to pass that Aphrodite went unto Renfield R. Renfield to convince him to reverse the digits of some of his numerals on his winning lottery ticket that he had been using the past month.

 

 

And what transpired when the sensual vampiress Aphrodite came unto Renfield as the Boney M. lyrics Nightflight To Venus played in the background?

 

 

 

Well to sum it up in one sentence as Great Caesar’s ghost put it when he saw it,  “She came, he saw, he came, she conquered.”

 

 

 

 

 

-A vampire novel chapter

  written by Christopher

  Friday September 13th 2013

 

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Haiku About Cerberus

September 7, 2013 at 4:01 pm (Poetry) (, , , , , )

At The River Styx

Guard dog Cerberus’ 3 heads

Hades’ high dog food bill

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Napoleon’s 244th Birthday and The Ghosts of Antiochus Epiphanes and Alexander The Great

August 15, 2013 at 6:19 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Napoleon’s 244th  Birthday and The Ghosts of Antiochus Epiphanes and Alexander The Great

As ghosts continued to leave Hades by the thousands after Cerberus abandoned his post at the River Styx (the 3-headed dog was currently frolicking on a Mexican beach drinking Mexican Bulldogs which was a combination of Margarita and Corona beer and then complaining about the bill since all 3 heads were imbibing) , the ghost of Antiochus Epiphanes was walking the streets of Damascus and looking at all the carnage and said, “Well if people really want, I’ll gladly become King of Syria again.”

At the moment he spoke those words,  a small but powerful tremor shook the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.

                 .            .             .

At the CERN Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland, the ghosts of Alexander The Great, his generals and his soldiers had taken over the facility.

For Alexander being the great genius he was with his strategic frame of mind and tactical insight had realized that by taking over the CERN Large Hadron Collider, he could make himself the Master of Time and thus the Master of the Universe.

                  .            .            .

The ghost of Napoleon Bonaparte had taken over Magog Rhys Petley’s hotel room in Cairo much to the British Labour MP’s displeasure.

Magog had gone out to see what cheap souvenirs he could pick up at the neighbourhood bazaar.

Napoleon decided to mark his 244th birthday which was today by having a bunch of harem style dancing girls dancing for him in the hotel room.

He had also ordered a cake personally baked for him by world famous Toronto Ontario based cake maker Joanna Lo the Caking Girl (made in the shape of the City of Paris) .

He also had 244 candles placed on the cake by one of the dancing girls and then another dancing girl (with a low-cut top)  bent over to light them all.

Napoleon’s ghost then made a wish (which was to rule the world) and then tried to blow out all 244 candles.

But seeing as how Napoleon was now spirit, he could not blow out physical objects.

A huge fire broke out in the hotel room.

                      .          .           .

Authorities blamed the hotel fire on the Muslim Brotherhood and used that as an excuse for rounding up and arresting more members.

Magog consoled himself by licking the lovely yet slightly singed breasts of a beautiful woman who said her breasts were singed when she had to light 244 candles on a birthday cake.

To be continued.

– A vampire novel chapter
 written by Christopher
 Thursday August 15th
 2013.

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