Sanhedrin Say Performing Passover Sacrifice Can End Covid-19 Pandemic

April 6, 2020 at 10:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, magic, Mythology, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Sanhedrin Say Performing Passover Sacrifice Can End Covid-19 Pandemic

At a press conference today dealing with how the New Zealand government is battling the Coronavirus pandemic, New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern announced that she had declared both “the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny are essential workers” and that the children of New Zealand should not be worried that the pair are at all affected by the pandemic.

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, watching the New Zealand Prime Minister’s press conference on television, remarked, “Jacinda must have finally smoked that complimentary piece of legalized Canadian cannabis that I sent her.”

. . .

Barbados Prime Minister Mia Mottely was forced to announce that 20 ventilators destined for Barbados as part of an act of philanthropy pledged by Barbados born international pop star Rihanna were seized by the United States.

Shortly after Prime Minister Mottely’s announcement, U.S. President Donald Trump was sitting at his desk in the Oval Office when he was suddenly hit with a cream pie thrown in his face by an invisible entity.

“What’s with all these cream pies in the face lately?” Trump cried out, “And to top it off, it was laced with Mexican tacos and salsa sauce and guacamole cream. I hate anything Mexican.”

Trump then had Corona beer poured all over him by the same invisible entity.

“Now I’ve been hit by Corona,” Trump cried out.

Men wearing hazmat suits then entered the Oval Office and carried Trump off to a place where he could be quarantined.

. . .

Rihanna was social distancing at a closed astronomical observatory and livestreaming on line.

It was nighttime and as she sang, “Shine bright like a diamond… We’re like diamonds in the sky”, a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit holding a magic lantern film projector (that had been worked on by Houdini, Pantages, Nikola Tesla, Orson Welles and Hedy Lamarr) making him visible to people without them needing to drink Harvey Wallbangers, appeared peering through the glass at the top of the open air telescope and waved at the livestream viewing audience.

. . .

The Israeli Sanhedrin has petitioned both Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and U.S. President Donald Trump to allow the Passover Sacrifice to occur on the Temple Mount.

The Pesach sacrifice has not taken place on the Temple Mount in nearly 2000 years.

“The only thing preventing the Jewish people from performing the Passover sacrifice is the Israeli government,” Rabbi Hillel Weiss the spokesman for the Sanhedrin said.

Added Rabbi Weiss, “We are proposing bringing a temporary altar for one day to sacrifice one lamb for the entire Jewish nation.”

Dov Stein the Secretary to the Court of the Sanhedrin in Jerusalem Israel had written a letter to both Benjamin Netanyahu and Donald Trump asking for the ceremony to be performed.

Stein wrote in his letter to both men that if the sacrifice of the Passover lamb occurred in the spring feast beginning at sundown on Wednesday April 8th 2020 or Nisan 14th 5780 (Hebrew calendar), this would put an end to the Covid-19 pandemic that was currently a modern day plague on humanity.

. . .

Meanwhile in the intensive care unit of a U.S. Naval Hospital, Donald Trump was protesting that, unlike Britain’s Prime Minister Boris Johnson, he did not have the Coronavirus.

Meanwhile a creature who did not have a head but had the arms and torso of a man and had two slithering serpents for legs was running around the Donald’s bed.

The creature finally went under the bed and re-emerged with the head of a rooster that it then put on its human torso’s shoulders.

“You must forgive me for running around like a chicken with its head cut off,” the rooster headed creature apologized, “But that’s exactly what happened. Pan Goatee who had taken too many of the notorious Australian Uncle Ernie’s Chemicals of The Day thought I was an ugly looking woman and so cut my head off.”

“Who the Hell are you?” Trump asked.

“I’m the ancient Gnostic god Abraxas,” the creature replied, “And I want you to tell Netanyahu that he should allow the Sanhedrin to go ahead with its Passover Pascal lamb sacrifice this coming Wednesday.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Monday April 6th
2020.

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Palm Sunday In A Dangerous Time

April 5, 2020 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Palm Sunday In A Dangerous Time

At Our Lady of Victories Church in Quezon City, Philippines, palm branches were being blessed and distributed to worshippers outside the Church to mark Palm Sunday.

Meanwhile in America, numerous members of the USeless Conference of Catholic Bishops were telling laity to wave cactus plants (minus the plant holder containers they’re in for safety’s sake) rather than palm branches in the privacy of their homes if they feel so reactionarily inclined (pre-Vatican II) to celebrate Palm Sunday.

Woman: I’ve got several cactus needles stuck in my thumb and fingers.

Dante wisely put many of the bishops of his day in Hell in the volume entitled Inferno of his Divine Comedy.

A vast number of bishops haven’t really changed much in 700 years.

Cardinal Joseph William Tobin the Bishop of Newark New Jersey (who unbeknownst to him already had a reserved barbecue spit reserved for him down in the Inferno unless he truly repented of his pro-Baal and Baphomet inclined sins) had decreed that there was to be no distribution of palms whatsoever in his diocese.

As he left his house to jog (while still thinking of his male Italian fashion model companion who was a very close friend indeed), a cream pie was thrown in his face by an invisible entity.

As news of the pie creaming got out, Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus the Director-General of the WHO who was recovering in a hospital emergency room after a pie creaming of his own, wondered, “I wonder if his cream pie was laced with chop suey and sweet and sour spareribs like mine was? I never got a chance to read the fortune cookie that was placed in it because one of the PPE N-95 face mask wearing paramedics threw it away.”

On the radio in the emergency room, an old Lone Ranger radio program was being played and the announcer asked, “Who was that masked man?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday April 5th
2020.

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Ethiopian Communist Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus: Beijing Regime’s “Useful Idiot” As Head of WHO

April 4, 2020 at 11:21 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Ethiopian Communist Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus: Beijing Regime’s “Useful Idiot” As Head of WHO

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was reading a dossier put together by the Set Enterprises Intelligence Gathering Unit (consisting of various secret agents including Set’s Executive Assistant Miranda Singh and the 6 foot 8 tall Welsh pooka bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger in between his periodic episodes of throwing cream pies in the faces of various jack asses and airheads) on WHO’s head Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus.

Renfield read, “As Director-General of the World Health Organization, Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus is the highest ranking medical official in the world but he isn’t even a real medical doctor.
In fact, he’s the first person to lead the WHO without a medical degree.
Tedros is simply a Communist academic (he has a Ph.D not an MD) who has never cured a single patient in his entire life.
Tedros is actually a politician (a member of two Marxist parties in Ethiopia – the Tigrayan People’s Liberation Front and the Ethiopian People’s Revolutionary Democratic Front – who served as Ethiopia’s Minister of Health from 2005 to 2012 and Ethiopia’s Minister of Foreign Affairs from 2012 to 2016) who hired a public relations firm from the United States to help get him the lucrative top job at the WHO.
Mercury Public Affairs put together a snazzy presentation for him to present to the world body but when it came time for him to answer questions, he couldn’t answer any.
It was only through the intense backing and lobbying of the People’s Republic of China that Dr. Tedros was able to land himself the top job at WHO.
Dr. Tedros, being a Communist revolutionary who served in a government that killed its own people in the streets and who as Ethiopia’s Minister of Health covered up several cholera epidemics in his own country, was the sort of person who was right up the Chinese Communist state’s alley.
The Ethiopian capital’s newspaper the Addis Ababa Standard even published an editorial calling for the WHO not to appoint Dr. Tedros its Director-General.
But the WHO listened to Xi Jinping and not the Addis Ababa Standard.

Miranda had included in the dossier the following notation from Wikipedia, “As Minister of Health, Tedros was able to form close relationships with prominent figures including former American President Bill Clinton and the Clinton Foundation and Bill and Melinda Gates and the Gates Foundation.”

“Well,” Renfield noted, “That says right there what sort of person Tedros is. Hobnobbing with such globalist elitist scumbags as Bill Clinton and Bill and Melinda Gates.”

The dossier went on to note that Dr. Tedros took office as head of the WHO beginning on July 1st 2017 for a 5-year term of office.
Dr. Tedros’ first major decision upon taking office was to name Zimbabwe’s Marxist totalitarian dictator Robert Mugabe as WHO Goodwill Ambassador to the African Union on October 18th 2017.

“Well,” Renfield sipped a can of non-Corona beer, “that says right then and there what manner of sound mind and judgment this Dr. Tedros character is.”

Back on January 14th of this year, Dr. Tedros (under pressure from the Xi Jinping regime) had tweeted on WHO’s Twitter account that “there is no clear evidence of human-to-human transmission of the novel Coronavirus”.
Later he was forced to backtrack on January 23rd when too much evidence was emerging to the contrary.
And under continuing pressure from Communist China, Dr. Tedros refused to call the Coronavirus a pandemic until March 11th when by then 114 countries had already reported over 118,000 cases.

Harvey Tallbanger (who was currently working on one super doozy of a cream pie for Dr. Tedros) said how the world might have started better preparing and arranging for such things as PPEs if Dr. Tedros had declared a pandemic much sooner.

Noted Tallbanger, “Dr. Tedros has blood on his hands back from when his nation’s Communist government slaughtered people in the streets and now when the world’s most vulnerable cower in their homes due to the Coronavirus pandemic and suffocate to death at the hands of an inept bootlicker of the Chinese Communists.”

Renfield thought to himself, “Dr. Tedros should be taken in front of the International Criminal Court and tried and if found guilty he should be taken out and shot by firing squad.
Capital punishment is the way to go for offences such as this. For in these times, it doesn’t do the world a Hell of a lot of good to be a pablum puking liberal.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 4th
2020.

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The Black Hand, Gnostic God Abraxas, Thanatotheristes, Teilhard and Tezcatlipoca

March 23, 2020 at 10:58 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Politics, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

The Black Hand, Gnostic God Abraxas, Thanatotheristes, Teilhard and Tezcatlipoca 

Sexual predatory Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein was showering by himself in a shower at the Wende Correctional Facility near Buffalo, New York.

He suddenly dropped the soap.

He bent over to pick it up.

An 8 foot tall giant mammalian bat with the head of a Thanatotheristes (the name meant Reaper of Death in Greek and referred to a new species of T-Rex that had been discovered 10 years ago in the Western Canadian province of Alberta) pulled out his phallus (which was a living cobra snake) from the pants of the extra tall extra large sized waterproof Armani suit he was wearing and sodomized Weinstein in the rear end as he was bending over.

“Where the Hell did you come from?” Asked a surprised Weinstein.

“From Hell,” the strange hybrid answered, “I’m the demon of the Covid-19 Coronavirus.”

“That’s Chinese virus,” a small hybrid creature who was part weasel and part worm and who was a staunch Donald Trump supporter remarked as he crawled across the prison shower room floor.

The weasel worm hybrid was crushed by the bat body Thanatotheristes headed cobra phallic Covid-19 Coronavirus demon.

Later the news media reported that Weinstein had come down with the Coronavirus.

. . .

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was looking into his pot smoking late Victorian/early Edwardian antique mirror when suddenly the image of Tezcatlipoca the Aztec god of smoking mirrors appeared to him.

Spoke Tezcatlipoca, “Tomorrow as you bring forth emergency legislation to deal with the financial and economic fallout from the Coronavirus crisis, I want you to include Emergency Financial Powers Legislation that will give your Finance Minister Bill Morneau power to govern the economy by dictatorial fiat – raise taxes, lower taxes, get rid of old taxes, bring in new taxes- without needing the approval of the Canadian Parliament beforehand. Grant him this power until December 2021.”

“Why should I do that?” Inquired a stunned Justin.

“Just do it,”” Tezcatlipoca blew great plumes of smoke as he blew his top.

“All right,” answered Justin meekly.

. . .

The disembodied head of the Jesuit priest Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (who had flames of fire emerging from the silver gray locks of hair on his head) was writing a poem on the walls of a subway station in Moscow, Russia.

The poem was being written for him by a severed hand that had been burnt charcoal black.

The severed hand dubbed the Black Hand had once belonged to the Norse god Tyr but had been bitten off by the fierce Norse wolf Fenrir when Tyr bound him.

The hand had been burnt a charcoal black after the Battle of Kosovo had been fought between the Serbian Prince Lazar and the Ottoman Turks on June 15th 1389 when a group of surviving warriors had tried to cook dinner for themselves.

The hand in the fire, after it had been burnt a charcoal black, crawled away.

Teilhard directed the Black Hand to write to the Coronavirus,

“Oh, what a beautiful virus you are, you are,
What a beautiful virus you are,
Thou art the Alpha Point,
The virus that attacked the first one-celled organism starting the whole process of Darwinian evolution,
And it turns out, thou art the Omega Point as well 
The total sum of Christ Consciousness 
Bringing forth Pachamama’s revenge upon humanity.
Amen.”

When the moving finger of the Black Hand wrote and the eyes of disembodied head Teilhard wept tears of joy, the Jesuit’s mouth cackled in laughter.

Seconds later, a cream pie with Holy Water in it was thrown in his face.

A group of Harvey Wallbanger drinking Moscow policemen swore to their superiors afterwards that a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears had done it.

. . .

Israel’s Health Minister Yaakov Litzman, when recently asked about the Coronavirus in Israel, had replied that Moshiach (the Jewish Messiah) would arrive before Passover this year and save the entire world.

Passover this year begins on Wednesday April 8th.

Meanwhile the ancient Gnostic god Abraxas (who had the head of a rooster, the arms and torso of a man, and whose legs were two slithering serpents) had appeared to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and asked him to grant the recently formed Israeli Sanhedrin permission to sacrifice a paschal lamb at an altar on the Temple Mount on Passover for the first time in 2000 years.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Monday March 23rd
2020.

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Lepardia Marango and Harvey Tallbanger At Donald Trump Press Conference

March 21, 2020 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Lepardia Marango and Harvey Tallbanger At Donald Trump Press Conference

NBC News White House correspondent Peter Alexander had asked Donald Trump the question regarding the Coronavirus crisis, “What do you say to Americans who are scared?”.

Trump replied, “I’d say you are a terrible reporter.”

Both British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set felt that Trump should be given a come uppance for this stupid ass remark.

Especially since Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had had a vision in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises yesterday morning that Trump would soon declare martial law and say that this fall’s Presidential election would be postponed indefinitely because of the Coronavirus which the racist bozo in the Oval Office kept calling the “Chinese virus”.

All that was needed for Trump to act was if he fell behind either Joe Biden or Bernie Sanders in the opinion polls.

Thus Set Enterprises’ secret agent Harvey Tallbanger (a 6 ft. 8 tall Welsh pooka bunny rabbit who was invisible most of the time) went over to America along with Renfield and Dracul Van Helsing’s friend Lepardia Marango the cultural attaché at the South African Embassy in London.

They flew across the ocean in Set’s high speed environmentally friendly dirigible airship that had been invented by Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

The high flying supersonic eco-friendly airship was powered by legalized Canadian cannabis.

Thus it flew quite high and quite fast.

Although munchies’ snacks had to be fed constantly to the airship’s underbelly.

Tallbanger (who had shapeshifted into a human being news journalist who was visible) bearing press media credentials from TCM (Turner Classic Movies) went to the next White House press conference accompanied by Miss Lepardia Marango.

Tallbanger posed the same question to Trump that Peter Alexander had, “What do you say to Americans who are scared?”.

Trump’s snitty response was the same, “I’d say you are a terrible reporter.”

To which Tallbanger responded, “And I’d say you are a terrible President, you limpwristed jackass.”

Trump foamed at the mouth, “What, how dare you talk that way to me, the greatest world leader in world history?! Secret Service, arrest this man and charge him with high treason.”

Tallbanger then took a cream pie out from under his jacket and went up and threw it in the Donald’s face.

As Trump lay on the floor with his face and toupee covered in a combination of banana cream, coconut cream and shaving cream, he screamed, “Did you see what that insidiously evil individual did to me? Shoot him on the spot.”

Tallbanger shapeshifted into tall invisible bunny rabbit form and sneaked away.

Lepardia Marango met up with him in the Washington DC parking lot where Set’s eco-friendly cannabis pot fuelled dirigible was parked.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Saturday March 21st
2020

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Clarence Darrow’s Ghost, Trump’s Acquittal, Madonna’s Cream Pie and Uncle Ernie

February 5, 2020 at 11:57 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Clarence Darrow’s Ghost, Trump’s Acquittal, Madonna’s Cream Pie and Uncle Ernie

The U.S. Senate voted to acquit Donald Trump 52-48 on charges of abuse of power and 53-47 on charges of obstruction of Congress.

The ghost of Clarence Darrow (who had been released from the Underworld of Hades on the Norse trickster god Loki’s recommendation) never got a chance to shine during Trump’s trial in the Senate.

His particular talent for the Trump defence would have been to question witnesses and the Republican majority in the Senate had voted not to allow witnesses.

Nevertheless Darrow’s ghost did do a final summing up for the Trump defence at the Senate trial with these words,

“The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things,
of sailing ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings,
of why the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings.”

Darrow’s ghost then sat down.

The famed defence lawyer’s closing argument was totally lost on members on both sides of the aisle.

By using this piece of Jabberwockian poetic prose by Lewis Carroll as his closing argument for Trump’s defence, the great courtroom orator was implying that his closing argument made about as much sense as the rest of the trial.

But the nuances to be found by this brief speech was totally lost on the politicians and political pundits of 21st Century America on all sides.

Both CNN and Fox News totally ignored Darrow’s address.

As did The Washington Post and The New York Times.

Meanwhile on this day of Senate acquittal of Trump, as the clock ticked down towards midnight in Washington DC, the ghost of Gen. Qassem Soleimani appeared to Utah Sen. Mitt Romney and warned the Republican Senator that there was now a drone with his name on it.

Meanwhile allegations were now surfacing from the Underworld of Hades that the residents of the ancient cities of Sodom and Gomorrah, during coffee and lunch breaks from their time roasting away on barbecue spits, had hacked the Iowa Democratic caucus app and had tilted the results towards their own favourite son Pete Buttigieg.

However it was unlikely that Bernie Sanders who did not have the paranoid conspiratorial hysterics of one Hillary Rodham Clinton (who had many years ago tried to imagine the possibility of her husband’s marital infidelity was not real but was rather the result of a vast right wing conspiracy) would cry “Sodom and Gomorrah collusion!”.

Nor was it likely that Robert Mueller would be sent down to Hades to investigate.

On another front, the rock music legend Madonna had had a cream pie thrown in her face.

Her bodyguards (who were sobriety challenged at the time because they had been drinking way too many Harvey Wallbangers) claimed the cream pie assailant was a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears.

The cream pie assault had taken place only hours after Madonna said Prince Harry and Meghan Markle should trade “boring old Canada” for New York City.

Madonna wanted the couple to rent her New York City apartment from her.

How exciting a place New York City is could be seen from the fact that New York Governor Andrew Cuomo was currently burning several pinches of incense in front of statues of Baal and Moloch in the New York City penthouse apartment of a globalist billionaire.

Meanwhile in a jail in London England, an Australian named Uncle Ernie, who was awaiting a courtroom appearance at the Old Bailey, was currently looking at photos of rock star Madonna that he had snapped on his smart phone a while ago.

As he looked at the photos of Madonna and what she was showing, Uncle Ernie recited his own paraphrased version of lines from Edward Lear’s 19th Century poem The Owl and The Pussy-cat, “What a horrible pussy you are, you are, what a horrible pussy you are.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 5th
2020.

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Canada’s Throne Speech and Krampus Carries Off Vienna’s Cardinal Schonborn

December 5, 2019 at 11:57 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Canada’s Throne Speech and Krampus Carries Off Vienna’s Cardinal Schonborn

“So,” Amadeus asked his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield, “Did you hear that after Justin Trudeau had finished making fun of Donald Trump at the Buckingham Palace reception the other night, he grabbed a box of opium laced catnip, came out to the Set Estate, gave the opium laced catnip to the Boss’ guard and watch cat Nefertiti Galore to send her off to La-La-Land and then proceeded to engage in mystical communion with the pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever?”.

“I heard that,” Renfield acknowledged after he watched the garbage men sanitation engineers getting high after emptying the garbage cans containing Nefertiti Galore’s cat litter.

“I assume that Justin then probably met his alien friend Gali-Gula the ET gray from Planet Nibiru who’s possessed by the spirit of the ancient Roman Emperor Caligula?” Amadeus ate his toast.

“Harvey Tallbanger tells me that he did,” Renfield nodded, “Gali-Gula helped Trudeau write the Canadian Governor-General’s Speech From The Throne which was read today at the opening of the new session of the Canadian Parliament in Ottawa.”

Amadeus read from the Canadian throne speech on his laptop the following words, “We all share the same space/time continuum on the same planetary spaceship.”

“I think Justin was not the only one inhaling Strawberry Fields Forever’s exhaled pot smoke,” Renfield remarked, “Gali-Gula must have imbibed a great deal as well to pen that whopper of a line.”

“Moving on to another subject,” Amadeus read to Renfield the following news item, “It was announced this past December 3rd that Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen who was 20th Century America’s greatest Roman Catholic evangelist and preacher has had his beatification ceremony postponed. He was supposed to be beatified this coming December 21st but the ceremony has been postponed. Apparently the first time in Church history that a beatification ceremony has been postponed. What’s up with that?”.

“Apparently certain members of the USeless Conference of Catholic Bishops objected to Sheen being beatified,” Renfield replied.

“Why would they object to Sheen being beatified?” Amadeus inquired.

“Because Sheen was a staunch anti-Communist and what’s more he was truly intellectual and scholarly in his anti-Communism unlike most members of the John Birch Society. Therefore true Communists detested Sheen even more than they did the John Birch Society whom they just regarded as a bunch of “proletarian deplorables”. An elitist attitude still shared by 21st Century female Marxist candidates for President.”

“You’re saying certain members of the USeless Conference of Catholic Bishops are Communists?” Amadeus was shocked.

“Yes, either Communist or predatory homosexual (who sexually assault altar boys and young seminarians) or both,” Renfield nodded, “Sheen did not get along well with the predatory homosexual Archbishop of New York City Francis Cardinal Spellman. Hence Spellman’s modern day disciples among the USeless Conference of Catholic Bishops can’t stand Sheen either.”

“Wow,” Amadeus shook his head.

“Elizabeth Scalia an airheaded associate of the ludicrous Bishop Robert Barron who thinks Hitler, Stalin, Mao and Pol Pot are in Heaven since there’s nobody in Hell according to his Dare We Hope That All Are Saved? Theology (both Jesus of Nazareth and Raymond Red Reddington of The Blacklist could easily tell him “No.”) tried to say that Sheen himself was gay by calling him a “flouncy” in one of her Twitter tweets. She obviously never saw the episode of What’s My Line? where Archbishop Sheen as a guest easily charmed the women panelists. Most women can easily tell whether a man is gay or not unless of course they’re as stupid as Elizabeth Scalia.”

“Who’s leading the USeless Conference of Catholic Bishops’ charge against Bishop Sheen’s beatification?” Amadeus inquired.

“The spirit of Antichrist filled Archbishop of New York City Timothy Cardinal Dolan and the spirit of Antichrist filled Archbishop of Chicago Blaise Cardinal Cupich,” Renfield answered, “The usual suspects.”

. . .

Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was walking the streets of Vienna the Austrian capital.

He stood in front of Saint Stephen’s Cathedral in Vienna where recently a Baphomet worshipping music and dance concert was held there with the permission of Christoph Cardinal Schonborn the Archbishop of Vienna.

As Whitstable stood there, he suddenly noticed Cardinal Schonborn himself walking down the street.

Suddenly Krampus the infamous half-goat half demon who used to follow around the saintly bishop Saint Nicholas came down the street.

Krampus was carrying his bag full of naughty individuals he was taking to Hell on this Krampusnacht (the evening of December 5th- the night before the Feast Day of Saint Nicholas which was December 6th).

Krampus picked up Cardinal Schonborn with his hairy arms and threw him into his bag.

He then went down a sewer no doubt on his way to Hell.

Whitstable bought himself a candy cane from a street corner Santa Claus.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday December 5th
2019.


The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec singing at a concert hall in Vienna while outside in the streets, Krampus is carrying Vienna’s screaming Archbishop Cardinal Schonborn in a bag on his way to Hell.

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Dwight Ball Gets A Cream Pie In The Face While Renfield Discusses Pope Francis’ Agony

November 26, 2019 at 11:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Dwight Ball Gets A Cream Pie In The Face While Renfield Discusses Pope Francis’ Agony

Set Enterprises’ secret agent Harvey Tallbanger an invisible 6 foot 8 tall Welsh pooka bunny rabbit who was also a good friend of noted Albertan and Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had been visiting Canada quite a bit recently.

He had thrown a cream pie in Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s face on Election Night when Justin had rudely interrupted Opposition Conservative Party leader Andrew Scheer’s televised concession speech by starting his own victory speech 38 seconds into Scheer’s concession speech.

Sometime later Harvey Tallbanger had thrown a cream pie into the face of Bloc Québécois asshole and separatist leader Yves-Francois Blanchet who said that western Canadian alienation was of no concern to him and the people of Alberta and Saskatchewan could go drown in their oil.

Later Tallbanger had thrown cream pies into the faces of Green Party Parliamentary leader Elizabeth May and former Progressive Conservative Prime Minister Kim Campbell for making air headed statements in television interviews.

He had also thrown a cream pie into the face of Vancouver Mayor Kennedy Stewart who said that there was no such thing as Western Canadian alienation – only Canadian Prairie province alienation (which was probably true) because pot smoking lower mainland British Columbians shared so much in common with the pot smoking Federal Liberal Party in Ottawa (also true).

Kennedy Stewart got a cream pie in his face from Harvey for sharing the same opinion of Albertans as the Bloc Québécois asshole leader.

Not to be outdone by the same coterie of airheads and assholes as those previously mentioned, Newfoundland and Labrador Liberal Premier Dwight Ball met with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and said that overcoming Canadian prairie province alienation shouldn’t be regarded as being a high priority on the Canadian national agenda.

After the meeting, Mr. Ball got a cream pie in his face from Harvey Tallbanger.

He also received a raspberry from Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster of Great Britain who did not think much of Newfoundland and Labrador’s lobster industry.

. . .

Donald Trump was sitting at his Oval Office desk when he was informed by one of his aides that the man he was planning to name as his National Security Council head next week (after firing the current NSC head in a Twitter tweet next week) – Mr. Eichmann Himmler the ICE agent extraordinaire (that was Trump’s description) had been eaten by crocodiles in a hotel swimming pool in Sydney, Australia.

“Bugger!” Trump threw aside a fountain pen that had once been given him by the recently laicized former Cardinal Theodore McCarrick.

“A group of U.S. Navy SEALS have entered the pool to try and recover what’s left of him,” the aide informed Trump and then left.

Trump picked up the phone and dialled a number, “Hello, Ivanka? You know how to use an encyclopedia for research don’t you? That’s great. Because I don’t. Listen, I want you to go to the encyclopedia and dig up whatever dirt you can find on crocodiles because I want to write a nasty tweet about them.”

. . .

Amadeus Emanon visited his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield who was campaigning for re-election in the constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds.

“Did you see that video of Pope Francis listening to the Bishop of Nagano Japan playing the guitar at a late 1960s and early 1970s style hippy hootenanny Mass that was held in the Jesuit Pope’s honour on his recent visit to Japan?” Renfield asked Amadeus.

“No, I didn’t,” Amadeus answered.

“You should have seen the intense expression of agony on Francis’ face when that guitar was being played,” Renfield laughed, “I imagine it will be 2nd only to the intense expression of agony he’ll have on his face when he finds out his destination on Judgement Day.”

“I wonder who taught the Bishop of Nagano Japan how to play guitar?” Amadeus mused aloud.

“It was apparently William Shatner,” Renfield replied.

“I didn’t know William Shatner knows how to play guitar,” Amadeus was shocked.

“Yes, he apparently learned how to play guitar by playing Bob Dylan songs backwards to try to detect evidence of Klingon backwards masking,” Renfield explained.

As the words of William Shatner reciting Bob Dylan’s Mr. Tambourine Man filtered through the neighbourhood, dogs howled, cats screeched and the scream of the turtle was heard throughout the land.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday November 26th
2019.

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In London Harvey Tallbanger Meets Gali-Gula

November 19, 2019 at 11:58 pm (Fantasy, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , )

Harvey Tallbanger Meets Gali-Gula 

The 6 foot 8 tall Welsh pooka bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger (who was invisible most of the time) was walking down a street in London, England when he accidentally inhaled a whole bunch of marijuana smoke that was being exhaled at a street corner by one of British Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn’s leading Brexit advisors.

Inside a London pub, the ET Gray Gali-Gula (an ET Gray from the planet Nibiru who was possessed by the spirit of the ancient earthling Roman Emperor Caligula) was sitting up at the bar drinking a whole bunch of Harvey Wallbangers.

Tallbanger entered the pub.

As a result of inhaling marijuana smoke, the rabbit was able to see the ET Gray sitting up at the bar.

As a result of drinking Harvey Wallbangers, the ET Gray was able to see the very tall bunny rabbit.

Tallbanger sat next to Gali-Gula.

Within minutes, the pair realized they could see one another.

“Did you recently inhale marijuana smoke?” ET Gray asked bunny rabbit.

“I did,” bunny rabbit replied, “and I see you’ve obviously been drinking Harvey Wallbangers.”

“That I have,” ET Gray admitted.

Gali-Gula then asked Harvey Tallbanger what he’d been doing recently.

“Well,” Harvey replied, “I have spent quite a bit of time in North America recently where I have been throwing cream pies in the faces of political idiots.”

“You must have used up an awful lot of cream pies,” Gali-Gula observed.

“That I have,” Harvey nodded, “The bakery where I buy them was working overtime 24 hours a day to keep up with my orders.”

The ET Gray ordered another Wallbanger from the pot smoking pub keeper.

“So, what drives you to drink on this fine evening?” Harvey asked the little ET.

“A friend of mine Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is announcing his new cabinet tomorrow and not once did he seek my advice about his appointments,” Gali-Gula cried in someone else’s beer, “I thought he’d inhale pot smoke somewhere somehow so I could appear to him and tell him who to pick.”

The ET Gray blubbered all over a chocolate cake that was made to look like a whale and was sitting on the bar counter.

“How do you know when Prime Minister Justin has inhaled pot smoke?” Tallbanger inquired.

“This beeper that looks like a miniature Captain James T. Kirk goes off,” Gali-Gula pulled the mini Captain Kirk figure out of the place where his belly button should have been if he was a human and not an ET Gray, “Oh, my God, it looks like the battery’s dead. How long has it been dead? I haven’t looked at it for a week. Maybe Justin has been inhaling pot smoke to contact me and since the battery wasn’t working, the beeper didn’t go off and I didn’t answer him if he had called via marijuana smoke.”

Gali-Gula dreamed about weeping into the bosom of a bicycling Italian farm girl he had met this past summer:

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Tuesday November 19th
2019.

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Justin’s Proposed New Cactus, Bloc Québécois Asshole Blanchet and The Downing of Flight MH17

November 14, 2019 at 11:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Justin’s Proposed New Cactus, Bloc Québécois Asshole Blanchet and The Downing of Flight MH17

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was having a meeting with Canadian New Democratic Party leader Jagmeet Singh to discuss what bills the New Democrats would be willing to support the Liberal minority government on in Parliament.

Towards the end of their meeting, Justin said, “You know Jagmeet, I really miss having the ET gray Gali-Gula who was possessed by the spirit of the ancient earthling Roman Emperor Caligula as my advisor. But I could only see him if I inhaled marijuana smoke. So I used to own a pot smoking desert cactus plant that I named Strawberry Fields Forever and I would inhale the pot smoke that he exhaled. But then poor Strawberry Fields Forever was cactusnapped by Chinese Communist agents after Canada arrested Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou last year. Then recently poor Strawberry Fields Forever was brutally murdered by the same Chinese Communist agents after I accidentally got a shot of testosterone and started talking tough against the Beijing government. However I’m thinking of asking Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher in London to genetically create another pot smoking desert cactus plant for me so I can inhale the cactus’ exhaled pot smoke and I can once again start seeing the ET gray Gali-Gula who comes from the planet Nibiru. Do you think that’s a good idea? Do you think I should do it?”.

Jagmeet Singh,who looked totally shocked by the Prime Minister’s statement, gulped a few times and then said (very anxious to get out of the room with the said lunatic), “Sure, why not?”.

. . .

The anal retentive and extremely constipated Bloc Québécois leader Yves-Francois Blanchet left a meeting of the Bloc Québécois Party caucus on Parliament Hill in Ottawa when he was approached by the Press.

The press mentioned that Albertans did not take kindly to his remarks about Alberta’s role in the Canadian Federation.

Being a typical pompous arrogant French-Canadian politician, he Blanchet naturally did not take well to criticism and threw a hissy fit and temper tantrum whenever he was criticized (prompting one Alberta commentator to wonder whether Donald Trump did not have some French-Canadian in him?).

Foamed Blanchet, “Alberta can go drown in its oil. And as far as I’m concerned, I will have my cake and eat it too.”

Well Blanchet did not get a cake.

But he did get a cream pie thrown in his face by an invisible entity.

Although one of the Parliamentary security guards who had been drinking Harvey Wallbangers on the job swore that it was a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit with big floppety ears that threw the cream pie into the Bloc Québécois leader’s face.

. . .

Russian President Vladimir Putin was standing in his study admiring his collection of antique Bavarian beer mugs on one of his shelves.

The Russian leader turned and suddenly noticed a drone firing bullets come straight at his study window.

Putin ducked to avoid getting hit by the bullets.

The drone bullets shot up his antique Bavarian beer mugs.

“My priceless collection of antique Bavarian beer mugs,” Putin cried.

The Russian leader had an idea who was responsible for the attack.

That odious troublemaker Renfield R. Renfield (who was now a member of the British Parliament) had sworn that if Russia had been involved in the downing of Malaysian Airlines Flight MH17 (Renfield had several Malaysian friends), he Renfield would be coming after Putin with a vengeance.

Today a Netherlands based international inquiry into the downed airline announced that it had uncovered phone taps showing that high-level Russian officials were directing Russian separatist rebels in eastern Ukraine into downing the plane with a missile over rebel held territory back on July 17th 2014.

The Russian Foreign Ministry had vigorously denied the findings.

But of course Putin realized that Renfield was enough of a geopolitical analyst to realize that governments always lie when they’re caught with their pants down in incidents of wrongdoing.

It didn’t take long for Renfield to enact his revenge.

And now Putin’s priceless antique Bavarian beer mug collection was gone.

As he held tiny pieces in his fingers, the Russian leader realized that Scotch tape and fast acting Krazy Glue wouldn’t be enough to put the collection back together again.

“Renfield must pay for this,” Putin said (although he said it in Russian).

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Thursday November 14th
2019.

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