Renfield Calls On The UK To Leave NATO
Atargatis In Moscow
Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis in the Kremlin
Russian President Vladimir Putin had stopped off in a Kremlin tea shop to watch the broadcast of the Russian state controlled television news network.
Said news announcer Dmitri Bullshitovich, “In London, England today two members of the environmentalist group Just Stop Oil threw tomato soup at Vincent Van Gogh’s famous 1888 painting Sunflowers at the National Gallery in London.
The contents of two tins of Heinz tomato soup were thrown at the painting.
The ghost of Andy Warhol was overheard to say, “Thank God no cans of Campbell’s Tomato Soup were used.”
The two Just Stop Oil climate change protestors’ 15 minutes of fame came to a sudden and abrupt end when British MP Renfield R. Renfield used the headsman’s axe from the 1933 Alexander Korda directed Charles Laughton starring film The Private Life of Henry VIII to chop off one of each of the two airheaded protestors’ hands (which they had foolishly glued to the wall underneath the painting).
Athough the Metropolitan London Police Force in a press release statement rather euphemistically described the Renfield procedure as “Specialist officers have now unglued them…”
As the protestors were led away in one handcuff each, a holographic image of American singer-songwriter Don McLean appeared and started singing, “I could have told you, Vincent, this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you…”
As an organ grinder and his monkey were gunned down and killed outside the National Gallery as yet another example of London’s rising crime rate, the holographic image of Don McLean then appeared outside and began singing “The day the music died…”
Meanwhile all across England, members of Just Stop Oil were apparently visited by an invisible 6 foot 8 tall Welsh pooka bunny rabbit (seen by members who had been drinking Harvey Wallbangers) and had an American cream pie laced with tomato soup thrown in their face.
After the cream pie was thrown, the ghost of Vincent Van Gogh then appeared and started singing, “I have no ear for music…”
Russian President Vladimir Putin continued walking down the hall, “I have the feeling that that particular Russian state television news story was true.”
Indeed it was for Putin’s supernatural spirit advisor the demon Moloch (who was appearing to Putin in the guise of Saint Michael the Archangel) had fled upon hearing the news story for he couldn’t stand listening to the truth.
When Putin entered his office, he was surprised to see the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis sitting there.
Putin recognized it was Atargatis from an unknown (to the world) Vincent Van Gogh portrait painting of Atargatis that the Kremlin owned.
The painting had been purchased from Van Gogh by a Saint Petersburg art dealer just before the artist died in 1890 and had been given by the art dealer to Czar Alexander III that same year of 1890.
“What does Atargatis the mother of Semiramis the 1st queen of Babylon want with me?” Putin asked.
“I want you to stop invading Ukraine, turn around and invade the State of Israel instead,” Atargatis answered.
Putin spit the tea he had just sipped out of his mouth.
The tea went flying across the room and hit the ghost of Orson Welles in his beard.
It was a good thing Welles was a ghost.
Otherwise he’d have tea stains in his beard.
“And what are you doing here?” Putin asked Welles’ ghost.
“I’ve come to make you an offer from Renfield R. Renfield that you can’t refuse,” Welles pulled out a spectral violin case.
Atargatis? Or Welles?
Whose offer should he Putin accept?
“You’ll be the new villain of Hannukah if you invade Israel,” Welles pointed out.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 14th
2022.
Michelangelo’s Vision of Justin Trudeau At The Calgary Stampede
Justin Trudeau’s favourite children’s book
Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was sitting in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises when he had a vision of Canada’s Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau attending this year’s Calgary Stampede.
The pompous and arrogant despot was injected (unknown to him) in the buttocks with truth serum.
The needle was injected by Set Enterprises’ 6 foot 8 tall invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger.
Justin Trudeau then proceeded to walk around the Stampede grounds.
The tyrant (under the influence of the truth serum starting to kick in) thought to himself, “My Satan, this city seems to have abnormally high numbers of fat ugly blimps (as well as other female uglos) in it. Pan Goatee certainly has his job cut out for him trying to bring aesthetic beauty to this city. But I better not say that aloud. Otherwise people may start to suspect that I’m not the feminist I pretend to be.”
Justin Trudeau then saw a group of First Nations people dressed in native headdress and clothing banging the drums and dancing and going, “Ay-yi-ay-yi. Ay-yi-ay-yi.”
Castro’s possible offspring remarked, “How does banging the drums and going ay-yi-ay-yi possibly compare with the great music that European culture has produced like the works of Bach and Beethoven? But I better not say that aloud. Otherwise people may start to suspect that I’m not the champion of indigenous people that I pretend to be.”
Justin Trudeau was then introduced to this year’s Stampede Native American Indian Princess.
“My Satan,’ Justin thought under the influence of the truth serum, “What a fat ugly blimp. Other years I was pleased to be introduced to the Stampede Native American Indian Princess because they were usually quite beautiful. But this year they picked a fat ugly blimp. Are First Nations women now trying to emulate their white female Calgarian fat ugly blimp counterparts? But I better not say that out loud. Otherwise people will definitely recognize that I’m only pretending to be a feminist and a champion of indigenous peoples.”
Michelangelo thought to himself, “I must upload this vision to Instagram.”
-A vampire novel chapter
Written Saturday July 9th
2022.
Rita Hayworth and Harvey Tallbanger
Rita Hayworth was sitting there with an old fashioned box camera on her lap.
Suddenly she looked up and noticed a tall handsome 6 foot 8 tall purple bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears looking at her.
What was in that glass of orange juice and vodka she had drunk?
Other than orange juice and vodka.
Galliano perhaps?
The bunny rabbit approached her.
“You can see me?” The bunny rabbit (whose name was Harvey Tallbanger) asked as he introduced himself.
“I can,” She answered.
“Put the blame on Mame,” actor Jimmy Stewart entered the studio even though he wasn’t making a film there.
“Jimmy Stewart, Harvey,” Rita said, “Harvey, Jimmy Stewart.”
“Who is this Harvey?” Stewart asked.
“You can’t see him?” Rita asked.
“Obviously not,” Stewart replied, “Has being married to Orson the Boy Wonder suddenly driven you crazy?”.
Harvey Tallbanger turned and exited.
He had been scheduled to throw a cream pie in one of the film studio heads’ faces.
“No,” Rita said to Stewart as she stood up to go, “And be careful what you say. You may make a film with that Harvey someday.”
Elsewhere.
“It’s a wonderful life,” one of the secretaries remarked after the film studio head got a cream pie in his face.
And so ended another of 11-year-old Nicholas Carlyle’s winter wonderland dreams.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday December 4th
2021.
The Tallbanger Scene
1921 Hollywood.
The director Charles William Lewis was directing a scene.
A strange looking man Count Nosferatu had recently approached him about directing a vampire film- an adaptation of Bram Stoker’s novel Dracula.
Lewis had agreed.
And today he would be shooting the scene where Count Nosferatu bites two young women.
Unbeknownst to Lewis, Count Nosferatu was working as an operative for the Soviet Commisar of War Leon Trotsky.
Trotsky was fascinated by the Count Nosferatu’s power of hypnosis.
He was wondering if this hypnotic power could come across via this new medium of film.
If someone like Nosferatu could hypnotize movie audiences and say… make them all Communist in their thinking, it would certainly be a new warfare tactic.
Trotsky would try this experiment in the greatest bastion of capitalism in the world- the United States of America.
And thus Nosferatu went to America.
To Hollywood.
And to the now long forgotten Charles William Lewis Studios.
But a friend of British politician Winston Churchill had found out about the Trotsky-Count Nosferatu Plan.
And acting on behalf of Churchill, the friend had gone to America.
To Hollywood.
To the now long forgotten Charles William Lewis Studios.
Nosferatu was now about to make his first appearance in the movie to his two young victims.
He found himself hit over the head by a box of carrots and rendered unconscious.
Churchill’s friend then made his own appearance in the movie.
Although he himself could not be seen.
But his shadow could.
The two actresses screamed.
If the film had been shot in colour and Churchill’s friend could actually be seen (and not just his shadow) the camera would have shown a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears.
Count Nosferatu vanished from history.
Although a German actor named Max Schreck would later play Nosferatu’s persona in an F.W. Murnau directed German Expressionist film released a year later in 1922.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 26th
2021.
Cleopatra, Maitreya and Yaldabaoth On Saint Patrick’s Day
It was Saint Patrick’s Day 2021.
And Yaldabaoth was on a bridge overlooking the River Liffey in Dublin, Ireland.
The night before he had been in a psychiatrist’s office at Saint Raphael’s Hospital in London.
The session was to help him overcome his drinking problem.
But judging from the amount of Guinness he had drunk on this Saint Patrick’s Day Evening in Dublin, it was obviously going to take more than one session.
“Yaldabaoth,” the man named Peter Whitstable (whose unofficial title was the Fox Mulder of Interpol) greeted him.
“What are you doing here in Dublin?” Yaldabaoth asked, “Do you have some more cloak and dagger work for me to do?”.
The leprechaun put on a green cloak and then pulled a green jade dagger out of one of his green socks and put it in his green belt.
“As you know the past dozen years, the Irish government has become increasingly made up of Apostles of the Antichrist,” Whitstable noted.
“I imagine Saint Paddy is not too pleased with that,” Yaldabaoth drank his Guinness, “Is Harvey Tallbanger the invisible (to mortals) bunny rabbit here to throw green algae cream pies in their faces?”.
“Most likely yes to your first statement and I don’t know to your second,” Whitstable answered, “I do know most leading members of the Irish government have taken an oath of allegiance to a hidden and secret High King of Ireland.”
“And who is this hidden and secret High King of Ireland?” Yaldabaoth asked.
“Maitreya a golden cobra serpent supernatural entity from the Himalayan region of Tibet and Nepal,” Whitstable replied.
“Oh yes, he did have himself crowned High King of Ireland at the Hill of Tara back on Saint Patrick’s Day in 2018,” Yaldabaoth wiped his runny nose with a green handkerchief, “I believe he had crowned Queen Cleopatra VII Philopator of Egypt (whom he had resurrected from the dead) his High Queen as well.
“Exactly,” Whitstable nodded, “Cleopatra is currently staying at a hotel here in Dublin.”
“What hotel?” Yaldabaoth asked.
“This one,” Whitstable handed the leprechaun a card with the hotel address on it, “I want you to get her photograph for my Interpol files. We do not have a photo of the living Cleopatra.”
“Seeing as how she’s been dead since the 1st Century BC and was only resurrected 4 years ago, I can see why,” Yaldabaoth nodded, “I imagine Saint Paddy is probably ticked that not only has a serpent returned to Ireland (he having driven the serpents out of Ireland) but is further ticked that a serpent has crowned himself High King of Ireland.”
“I would imagine,” Whitstable agreed.
Meanwhile in Washington DC, U.S. President Joe Beijing O’ Biden asked one of his aides why one of the White House fountains was green.
“You ordered it dyed green for Saint Patrick’s Day,” his aide answered.
“I did?” Biden scratched his head, “Is it Saint Patrick’s Day?”.
The aide nodded.
“Then why is my desk cactus dressed as Santa Claus, why is my dog dressed like the Easter Bunny and why is Hunter dressed like a crack pipe smoking Great Pumpkin?” Biden inquired.
Meanwhile back in Dublin, Ireland, Yaldabaoth entered the hotel room where Cleopatra was staying.
He carried in his hands a black and white film camera that had once belonged to film director Orson Welles when he was alive.
Yaldabaoth entered Cleopatra’s bedroom and snapped a photo.
Cleopatra the former Queen of Egypt and current High Queen of Ireland
After snapping the photo, Yaldabaoth gasped, “My God, that’s a killer outfit you’re wearing.”
He then fell over dead.
“Jesus,” an Irish Jesuit priest, who was recently defrocked by his superior for being straight and heterosexual, remarked as he walked by the open door in the hallway.
“Oh, the void, the void,” a spider, who had recently come in contact with radioactive material in a science lab, remarked as he crawled by.
“This looks like a job for Dr. Marmalade Montague and his Hendrick’s Gin Dunking Machine,” Harvey Tallbanger commented as he walked by and noticed Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun lying dead at Cleopatra’s spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes feet.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 17th
2021.
Metropolitan London Policeman Sells Soul To Devil To Protect Himself From Renfield
British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was trying to get a piece of Canadian cannabis (sent to him as a gift from Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau) out of his messy hair.
One of Johnson’s aides approached him, “Mr. Johnson, there are a few demons in the same prison cell as Wayne Couzens the Metropolitan Police Officer charged with the kidnapping and murder of Sarah Everard the 33-year-old woman who vanished March 3rd while walking home in London. The woman whose body was found a week later.”
“And what are demons doing in the same prison cell as Wayne Couzens?” Johnson used a garden rake to try to comb last year’s dandelions out of his hair.
“To protect him from British MP Renfield R. Renfield,” Johnson’s aide answered.
“To protect him from Renfield?” Johnson started eating some Ritz crackers he pulled out of his hair.
“Yes, Couzens found out about what Renfield has done to members of the ISIS Islamic Sate as well as immigrant smugglers (who smuggle immigrants in inhuman conditions such as overcrowded refrigerated tractor trailors), human traffickers and sex traffickers. None of those people have ever been found alive again who have fallen into Renfield’s hands and rumours of their demise at Renfield’s hands are the stuff of the worst sort of nightmares among terrorists and human traffickers,” the aide explained, “So Couzens feared that the only one who could provide him protection from Renfield was the Devil so he sold his soul to him.”
“I must keep that in mind someday,” Johnson pulled his smart phone out of his hair and started checking to see if he had the Devil’s phone number.
Last night members of the Metropolitan London Police Force had roughed up, arrested and manhandled a whole bunch of women who were holding a memorial vigil for Sarah Everard.
Today there were calls for Cressida Dick the first ever woman police commissioner of the Metropolitan London Police to resign following her police force’s manhandling of the women attending the vigil.
Cressida Dick naturally rejected calls for her resignation.
Today there were large numbers of people tuning in to Renfield’s Sunday night podcast.
Renfield began, “You know prior to this pandemic before an unseen stupidity virus descended upon most of the world’s population and most people started believing everything their governments and their so-called “health experts” started telling them, most people called the common cold the common cold. But what did scientists and science geeks and science nerds (who always fancied themselves as superior to the rest of the population only to get the raspberry they so richly deserve from those geniuses who truly excel in the arts and humanities such as myself) call the common cold? They called it the corona virus. However the term corona virus still didn’t impress the general population during the pandemic as they all seem to have been terrified by the number of people testing positive for the corona virus in 2020.
Which had they tested for the cornona virus in years prior to 2020, there would still have been high results.
As the common cold was the ongoing ailment all the time.
And the common cold if not taken care of properly could always lead to things such as pneumonia.
The common cold could always prove disastrous for those suffering from pre-existing conditions and those having ailments that already affect their immunity.
The only thing different about the 2020 corona virus (or the common cold as it used to be commonly called before the 2020 pandemic) was the tweaking it received from mad scientists doing experiments with bats at the Wuhan Institute of Virology.
And thus the CCP Wuhan virus did have more devastating effects on the vulnerable than did the common cold of previous years.
And often the manner of death was more horrible than the usual common cold produced pneumonia or other ailments.
Now we have several different vaccines for the Covid-19 virus (the CCP tweaked version of the common cold) and those vaccines have produced almost 12,000 deaths across the world in the 10 weeks since those vaccines have first been introduced. Ask yourself what other product in recorded history has produced 12,000 deaths in a 10 week period and yet governments and “experts” and Big Pharma companies are still busy telling people these products are safe to take?
Now the Metropolitan London Police are telling us that their manhandling of women at last night’s vigil for Sarah Everard is all justified by the Covid health restrictions.
In the past year ever since the CCP puppets at WHO (World Health Organization) proclaimed this pandemic, every Fascist pig, Neo-Bolshevik Communist hydra, totalitatarian despot, mentally unhinged demagogue and all-around asshole have used the Covid health restrictions to trample on civil liberties and freedoms and lock the entire population of the world up in one massive prison planet.
And the members of the Metropolitan London Police are sadly no different than the list of usual suspects I mentioned in my previous statement.
As Lord Acton shrewdly observed back in the 19th Century, “Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.”
And Covid health restrictions have given governments and “health experts” and police forces absolute power.
And they have acted like power mad assholes the past year accordingly.
The trouble is most people are giving them the benefit of doubt when they shouldn’t.
As for Cressida Dick the current Commissioner of the Metropolitan London Police, there’s no better name for her.
Cressida is an appropriate first name for her because as the character of Cressida tells the character of Troilus in William Shakespeare’s play Troilus and Cressida that if she breaks her vow of eternal love for him, then “May the name Cressida represent every woman given to falsehood”.
Of course the Trojan woman Cressida falls for the Greek Diogenes in the play and abandons her vow to Troilus leading to the origin of the expression “as false as Cressida”.
And Dick is an excellent last name for her because she is a dick.
As I speak, Harvey Tallbanger the invisible and very tall bunny rabbit is delivering to her face a cream pie containing a very large dildo.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday March 14th
2021.
Renfield Reads Dr. Seuss Books To Children, Comments On Pope Francis and Reflects On Meghan and Prince Harry Interview
British MP Renfield R. Renfield spent the morning reading live on-air to British schoolchildren the 6 books by Dr. Seuss that would no longer be published by Dr. Seuss Enterprises because they were deemed highly offensive, extremely insensitive and politically incorrect by America’s easily offended, psychotically oversensitive and politically correct cancel culture of woke zombies.
After the live-on air reading, Renfield left the studio where he was greeted by a highly irate member of Britain’s own politically correct cancel culture of woke zombies.
“How dare you,” the man foamed at the mouth, “read, as a member of Britain’s House of Commons and therefore a public servant, books that have been deemed cancelled by us the cancel culture?”.
The man regained consciousness several hours later after his face had come into sudden and immediate very close contact with Renfield’s fist.
Renfield went to his parliamentary office where his secretary told him that the U.S. Ambassador to London was once again phoning to complain about the number of times Renfield had referred to U.S. President Joe Biden as an “idiot” and a “senile old fool” the past week.
Renfield had also received a phone call from U.S. actor Tom Hanks’ agent.
In a recent interview, Renfield was asked about Tom Hanks being recently granted Greek citizenship, and the MP replied, quoting a San Francisco blogger he read, “Didn’t Greece recently legalize pedophilia?”.
Renfield went into his inner office where he had a Skype conversation with his good friend Amadeus Emanon who was currently residing in Australia.
“Did you hear,” Amadeus asked, “that Pope Francis was complaining to reporters on the plane ride back from Iraq (reporters all of whom had received the DeathVaxx vaccine in order to be allowed on the plane) that some people call him “an idiot and a heretic”? Did you hear his complaining about that?”.
“I did,’ Renfield lit a cigar.
“Haven’t you on numerous occasions called Pope Francis an idiot and a heretic?” Amadeus inquired.
“I have,” Renfield nodded.
“Some people are now saying that Pope Francis has initiated the official start of the Mystery Babylon religion that was prophesied in Chapter 17 of the Apocalypse of Saint John,” Amadeus pointed out.
“Well Pope Francis did hold an interfaith service at the site of the temple of Inanna the ancient Sumerian goddess of prostitution (whose Babylonian, Assyrian and Akkadian equivalent was Ishtar) the goddess who’s considered the Mother of Harlots so his use of symbols and symbology used throughout this trip was extremely interesting to say the least,” Renfield sipped a small glass of brandy.
“Did you get a chance to watch the Meghan Markle and Prince Harry interview with Oprah?” Amadeus asked.
“I did,” said Renfield, “I was talking to a friend of mine who has been diagnosed with clinical depression and has felt suicidal a few times in his life and he’s very disturbed with the way Meghan was not offered help by the Royal Family when she herself was feeling suicidally depressed while pregnant with Archie and was further told she should not seek out help because members of the Firm aren’t supposed to do so.
They’re supposed to keep a stiff upper lip and all that.”
“Didn’t Prince Andrew keep a stiff something else with a few underage female proteges of Jeffrey Epstein?” Amadeus inquired.
“He did,” Renfield nodded, “And then during the interview it appears there’s at least one member of the Royal Family who’s racist and expressed concern about what skin tone colour baby Archie was going to have. Oprah said that Prince Harry made it clear that it wasn’t his grandmother the Queen or his grandfather Prince Philip. But another member of the Royal Family.”
“Any idea who that member of the Royal Family might be?” Amadeus wanted to know.
“Well, I have a few suspects in mind but nothing definite,” Renfield answered.
“I wonder if we’ll ever know,” Amadeus pondered.
“Well, if Harvey Tallbanger ever finds out and I’m told he’s currently investigating the matter,” Renfield finished his brandy, “and we hear about a member of the British Royal Family getting a cream pie in the face in public thrown at them by an invisible entity over the next few weeks, we can safely guess that was probably the one who had their knickers in a knot over what little Archie’s skin tone colour might be.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 10th
2021.
Harvey Tallbanger Takes On Europe’s Totalitarian Despots
“U.S. President Joe Beijing O’ Biden has ordered his first military airstrike on Syria which was carried out earlier today.
For all those lib-leftists out there who thought Joe Biden wasn’t going to be a warmonger (or thought he wouldn’t detain immigrant children in detention camps), they were of course invariably wrong as anyone with common sense could have easily told them.”
-Renfield R. Renfield MP
“Liberalism is the modern and morbid habit of always sacrificing the normal to the abnormal.”
-G.K. Chesterton
“The New Normal that most politicians, technocrats and Satan worshipping billionaires and bishops are always yapping about for the post-pandemic world is actually the Old Abnormal.”
-Renfield R. Renfield MP
British MP Renfield R. Renfield, Set Enterprises’ eccentric scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague and Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster were at Set Enterprises laboratories in London flipping through various news channels on the TV.
The first news segment showed German Chancellor Angela Merkel saying that there was unanimous agreement within the European Union on implementing a coronavirus vaccine passport.
Ms. Merkel announced that “everyone agreed that we need a digital vaccination certificate” and that such a system could be implemented by summer.
As Ms. Merkel spoke, an Adolf Hitler style moustache appeared just below her nose and just above her lips.
The words I AM AN APOSTLE OF THE ANTICHRIST then appeared on her forehead written in red and black ink.
Seconds later a cream pie was thrown in her face.
The second news segment came on.
European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen announced that EU member states will “have to act fast” in order to implement a digital vaccine certification program as soon as the summer.
The certificate will facilitate travel as well as the ability to attend churches, synagogues, theatres, concert halls or even to go to the gym.
The words I AM AN APOSTLE OF THE ANTICHRIST then appeared on Ms. von der Leyen’s forehead written in red ink.
Seconds later, a cream pie was thrown in her face.
Greece’s Deputy Prime Minister Akis Skertsos then appeared on the TV screen and said that a vaccine passport verification system “is not discriminatory at all”.
The words I AM THE BIGGEST OF SATAN’S USEFUL IDIOTS then appeared written in Greek in green felt ink on his forehead.
Seconds later a souvlaki cream pie was thrown in his face.
British Education Secretary Gavin Williamson then appeared on the TV screen saying that he backed up the plan to carry passports to enter restaurants, cinemas and theatres.
The words I AM AN APOSTLE OF THE ANTICHRIST then appeared in red ink written on his forehead.
Seconds later a cream pie containing a school report card loaded with F’s for each subject was then thrown in his face.
British Prime Minister Boris Johnson then appeared on the TV screen.
Hanging from one of his long scraggly locks of hair over his right ear was a thorougly eaten fried chicken drum stick (from a rooster who was sacrificed in a live Santeria animal sacrifice).
Johnson said that Brits might definitely require health passports for simple domestic visits like going to the pub or theatre.
Johnson, who had the sign KICK ME posted on his backside by the ghost of Winston Churchill, then went on, “I know fervent libertarians will object but other people will think that there is a case for it.”
The ghosts of Adolf Hitler, Lenin, Stalin, Mao Tse-tung and the two deceased members of the North Korean Kim Communist hereditary dynasty appeared behind Johnson smiling and applauding vigourously.
The words I AM AN APOSTLE OF THE ANTICHRIST AND MY HAIRSTYLIST RESIDES IN HELL appeared written in black ink on Boris Johnson’s forehead.
Seconds later a banana cream steak and kidney pie containing hair gel and a comb were then thrown in Johnson’s face.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 26th
2021
Dracul Van Helsing 
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