Michelangelo’s Vision of Justin Trudeau At The Calgary Stampede

July 9, 2022 at 8:59 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , )

Justin Trudeau’s favourite children’s book

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was sitting in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises when he had a vision of Canada’s Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau attending this year’s Calgary Stampede.

The pompous and arrogant despot was injected (unknown to him) in the buttocks with truth serum.

The needle was injected by Set Enterprises’ 6 foot 8 tall invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger.

Justin Trudeau then proceeded to walk around the Stampede grounds.

The tyrant (under the influence of the truth serum starting to kick in) thought to himself, “My Satan, this city seems to have abnormally high numbers of fat ugly blimps (as well as other female uglos) in it. Pan Goatee certainly has his job cut out for him trying to bring aesthetic beauty to this city. But I better not say that aloud. Otherwise people may start to suspect that I’m not the feminist I pretend to be.”

Justin Trudeau then saw a group of First Nations people dressed in native headdress and clothing banging the drums and dancing and going, “Ay-yi-ay-yi. Ay-yi-ay-yi.”

Castro’s possible offspring remarked, “How does banging the drums and going ay-yi-ay-yi possibly compare with the great music that European culture has produced like the works of Bach and Beethoven? But I better not say that aloud. Otherwise people may start to suspect that I’m not the champion of indigenous people that I pretend to be.”

Justin Trudeau was then introduced to this year’s Stampede Native American Indian Princess.

“My Satan,’ Justin thought under the influence of the truth serum, “What a fat ugly blimp. Other years I was pleased to be introduced to the Stampede Native American Indian Princess because they were usually quite beautiful. But this year they picked a fat ugly blimp. Are First Nations women now trying to emulate their white female Calgarian fat ugly blimp counterparts? But I better not say that out loud. Otherwise people will definitely recognize that I’m only pretending to be a feminist and a champion of indigenous peoples.”

Michelangelo thought to himself, “I must upload this vision to Instagram.”

-A vampire novel chapter
Written Saturday July 9th
2022.

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Rita Hayworth and Harvey Tallbanger

December 4, 2021 at 9:34 pm (Film, Movies, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Rita Hayworth was sitting there with an old fashioned box camera on her lap.

Suddenly she looked up and noticed a tall handsome 6 foot 8 tall purple bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears looking at her.

What was in that glass of orange juice and vodka she had drunk?

Other than orange juice and vodka.

Galliano perhaps?

The bunny rabbit approached her.

“You can see me?” The bunny rabbit (whose name was Harvey Tallbanger) asked as he introduced himself.

“I can,” She answered.

“Put the blame on Mame,” actor Jimmy Stewart entered the studio even though he wasn’t making a film there.

“Jimmy Stewart, Harvey,” Rita said, “Harvey, Jimmy Stewart.”

“Who is this Harvey?” Stewart asked.

“You can’t see him?” Rita asked.

“Obviously not,” Stewart replied, “Has being married to Orson the Boy Wonder suddenly driven you crazy?”.

Harvey Tallbanger turned and exited.

He had been scheduled to throw a cream pie in one of the film studio heads’ faces.

“No,” Rita said to Stewart as she stood up to go, “And be careful what you say. You may make a film with that Harvey someday.”

Elsewhere.

“It’s a wonderful life,” one of the secretaries remarked after the film studio head got a cream pie in his face.

And so ended another of 11-year-old Nicholas Carlyle’s winter wonderland dreams.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday December 4th
2021.

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Satyrs and Ravens and Fools and Pookas and Who Will Rule The World?

October 26, 2021 at 11:12 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was waiting at a light to cross the street to go to a McDonald’s.

When the light changed, a fat ugly blimp began crossing the street from the opposite direction.

From a car could be heard a man’s voice that sounded like a cross between an Irish lilt and an Eastern European rabbi’s accent.

The voice called for the Void to send Pan Goatee.

Goatee had already struck beheading the fat ugly blimp and cutting her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Krampus the demon goat arrived to pick up the pieces.

A Taoist scholar stood at an another street corner explaining the relationship between God and Heaven and the void.

Two Soros-Gates-Fauci operatives sat in a seedy vehicle in front of a seedy used car lot.

“Maybe we should kill this satyr for killing so many of Dr. Fauci’s prized ugly looking creations,” one operative said to the other.

The Norse god Odin’s two ravens Huginn and Muninn flew through the open window of the car and pecked out the four eyes of the two operatives.

. . .

In Washington DC this evening the idiotic New Age Earth Mother Goddess Gaia worshipping Patriarch of Constantinople Bartholomew (who was often given the raspberry he so richly deserved by Patriarch Kirill of Moscow) had met with senile old fool Joe Biden at the White House.

Bartholomew in meeting the brainless mainstream media press afterwards had described Biden as a “man of vision and faith”.

As soon as the words “man of vision and faith” were spoken, a 6 foot 8 tall Welsh pooka purple bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears named Harvey Tallbanger (who was invisible to all except those people who were drinking Harvey Wallbangers) threw a pumpkin pie in Patriarch Bartholomew’s face.

The pumpkin pie had on it the words written in whipped cream HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE AN IDIOT?

. . .

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of Buckingham Palace in ruins.

Standing outside the gates of the ruined palace were Her Majesty the Queen (who was weeping) and the ghost of American singer Johnny Cash.

Johnny Cash sang on his guitar this song,

“Soon you’ll have to decide who you want to be your King?
Will it be Jesus? Will it be Lucifer?
Jesus will take you to Heaven,
Lucifer will take you to Hell.
World governments, Dr. Fauci and the Pope
want you to worship Lucy in The Sky With Diamonds.
But it’s for you to decide who to worship.
Will it be Jesus? Will it be Lucifer?
Just remember that old Vaxx contains a lot of Death
That old Vaxx contains a lot of Death
And Jesus never got along with Death
Remember the empty tomb
and don’t fall for immortal doom.

Transhumanist promises resemble that old Serpent’s promises
On that long ago tree in Eden,
“You shall not surely die”
and
“You shall be as gods”.
All lies. All lies.
As my old friends Art and Paul once wrote,
“All lies and jest, still a man hears what he wants to hear
and disregards the rest.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 26th
2021.

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The Tallbanger Scene

March 26, 2021 at 9:57 pm (Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Movies, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

1921 Hollywood.

The director Charles William Lewis was directing a scene.

A strange looking man Count Nosferatu had recently approached him about directing a vampire film- an adaptation of Bram Stoker’s novel Dracula.

Lewis had agreed.

And today he would be shooting the scene where Count Nosferatu bites two young women.

Unbeknownst to Lewis, Count Nosferatu was working as an operative for the Soviet Commisar of War Leon Trotsky.

Trotsky was fascinated by the Count Nosferatu’s power of hypnosis.

He was wondering if this hypnotic power could come across via this new medium of film.

If someone like Nosferatu could hypnotize movie audiences and say… make them all Communist in their thinking, it would certainly be a new warfare tactic.

Trotsky would try this experiment in the greatest bastion of capitalism in the world- the United States of America.

And thus Nosferatu went to America.

To Hollywood.

And to the now long forgotten Charles William Lewis Studios.

But a friend of British politician Winston Churchill had found out about the Trotsky-Count Nosferatu Plan.

And acting on behalf of Churchill, the friend had gone to America.

To Hollywood.

To the now long forgotten Charles William Lewis Studios.

Nosferatu was now about to make his first appearance in the movie to his two young victims.

He found himself hit over the head by a box of carrots and rendered unconscious.

Churchill’s friend then made his own appearance in the movie.

Although he himself could not be seen.

But his shadow could.

The two actresses screamed.

If the film had been shot in colour and Churchill’s friend could actually be seen (and not just his shadow) the camera would have shown a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears.

Count Nosferatu vanished from history.

Although a German actor named Max Schreck would later play Nosferatu’s persona in an F.W. Murnau directed German Expressionist film released a year later in 1922.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 26th
2021.

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Cleopatra, Maitreya and Yaldabaoth On Saint Patrick’s Day

March 17, 2021 at 10:45 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, magic, Mythology, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

It was Saint Patrick’s Day 2021.

And Yaldabaoth was on a bridge overlooking the River Liffey in Dublin, Ireland.

The night before he had been in a psychiatrist’s office at Saint Raphael’s Hospital in London.

The session was to help him overcome his drinking problem.

But judging from the amount of Guinness he had drunk on this Saint Patrick’s Day Evening in Dublin, it was obviously going to take more than one session.

“Yaldabaoth,” the man named Peter Whitstable (whose unofficial title was the Fox Mulder of Interpol) greeted him.

“What are you doing here in Dublin?” Yaldabaoth asked, “Do you have some more cloak and dagger work for me to do?”.

The leprechaun put on a green cloak and then pulled a green jade dagger out of one of his green socks and put it in his green belt.

“As you know the past dozen years, the Irish government has become increasingly made up of Apostles of the Antichrist,” Whitstable noted.

“I imagine Saint Paddy is not too pleased with that,” Yaldabaoth drank his Guinness, “Is Harvey Tallbanger the invisible (to mortals) bunny rabbit here to throw green algae cream pies in their faces?”.

“Most likely yes to your first statement and I don’t know to your second,” Whitstable answered, “I do know most leading members of the Irish government have taken an oath of allegiance to a hidden and secret High King of Ireland.”

“And who is this hidden and secret High King of Ireland?” Yaldabaoth asked.

“Maitreya a golden cobra serpent supernatural entity from the Himalayan region of Tibet and Nepal,” Whitstable replied.

“Oh yes, he did have himself crowned High King of Ireland at the Hill of Tara back on Saint Patrick’s Day in 2018,” Yaldabaoth wiped his runny nose with a green handkerchief, “I believe he had crowned Queen Cleopatra VII Philopator of Egypt (whom he had resurrected from the dead) his High Queen as well.

“Exactly,” Whitstable nodded, “Cleopatra is currently staying at a hotel here in Dublin.”

“What hotel?” Yaldabaoth asked.

“This one,” Whitstable handed the leprechaun a card with the hotel address on it, “I want you to get her photograph for my Interpol files. We do not have a photo of the living Cleopatra.”

“Seeing as how she’s been dead since the 1st Century BC and was only resurrected 4 years ago, I can see why,” Yaldabaoth nodded, “I imagine Saint Paddy is probably ticked that not only has a serpent returned to Ireland (he having driven the serpents out of Ireland) but is further ticked that a serpent has crowned himself High King of Ireland.”

“I would imagine,” Whitstable agreed.

Meanwhile in Washington DC, U.S. President Joe Beijing O’ Biden asked one of his aides why one of the White House fountains was green.

“You ordered it dyed green for Saint Patrick’s Day,” his aide answered.

“I did?” Biden scratched his head, “Is it Saint Patrick’s Day?”.

The aide nodded.

“Then why is my desk cactus dressed as Santa Claus, why is my dog dressed like the Easter Bunny and why is Hunter dressed like a crack pipe smoking Great Pumpkin?” Biden inquired.

Meanwhile back in Dublin, Ireland, Yaldabaoth entered the hotel room where Cleopatra was staying.

He carried in his hands a black and white film camera that had once belonged to film director Orson Welles when he was alive.

Yaldabaoth entered Cleopatra’s bedroom and snapped a photo.

Cleopatra the former Queen of Egypt and current High Queen of Ireland

After snapping the photo, Yaldabaoth gasped, “My God, that’s a killer outfit you’re wearing.”

He then fell over dead.

“Jesus,” an Irish Jesuit priest, who was recently defrocked by his superior for being straight and heterosexual, remarked as he walked by the open door in the hallway.

“Oh, the void, the void,” a spider, who had recently come in contact with radioactive material in a science lab, remarked as he crawled by.

“This looks like a job for Dr. Marmalade Montague and his Hendrick’s Gin Dunking Machine,” Harvey Tallbanger commented as he walked by and noticed Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun lying dead at Cleopatra’s spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes feet.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 17th
2021.

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Metropolitan London Policeman Sells Soul To Devil To Protect Himself From Renfield

March 14, 2021 at 10:30 pm (Crime, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was trying to get a piece of Canadian cannabis (sent to him as a gift from Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau) out of his messy hair.

One of Johnson’s aides approached him, “Mr. Johnson, there are a few demons in the same prison cell as Wayne Couzens the Metropolitan Police Officer charged with the kidnapping and murder of Sarah Everard the 33-year-old woman who vanished March 3rd while walking home in London. The woman whose body was found a week later.”

“And what are demons doing in the same prison cell as Wayne Couzens?” Johnson used a garden rake to try to comb last year’s dandelions out of his hair.

“To protect him from British MP Renfield R. Renfield,” Johnson’s aide answered.

“To protect him from Renfield?” Johnson started eating some Ritz crackers he pulled out of his hair.

“Yes, Couzens found out about what Renfield has done to members of the ISIS Islamic Sate as well as immigrant smugglers (who smuggle immigrants in inhuman conditions such as overcrowded refrigerated tractor trailors), human traffickers and sex traffickers. None of those people have ever been found alive again who have fallen into Renfield’s hands and rumours of their demise at Renfield’s hands are the stuff of the worst sort of nightmares among terrorists and human traffickers,” the aide explained, “So Couzens feared that the only one who could provide him protection from Renfield was the Devil so he sold his soul to him.”

“I must keep that in mind someday,” Johnson pulled his smart phone out of his hair and started checking to see if he had the Devil’s phone number.

Last night members of the Metropolitan London Police Force had roughed up, arrested and manhandled a whole bunch of women who were holding a memorial vigil for Sarah Everard.

Today there were calls for Cressida Dick the first ever woman police commissioner of the Metropolitan London Police to resign following her police force’s manhandling of the women attending the vigil.

Cressida Dick naturally rejected calls for her resignation.

Today there were large numbers of people tuning in to Renfield’s Sunday night podcast.

Renfield began, “You know prior to this pandemic before an unseen stupidity virus descended upon most of the world’s population and most people started believing everything their governments and their so-called “health experts” started telling them, most people called the common cold the common cold. But what did scientists and science geeks and science nerds (who always fancied themselves as superior to the rest of the population only to get the raspberry they so richly deserve from those geniuses who truly excel in the arts and humanities such as myself) call the common cold? They called it the corona virus. However the term corona virus still didn’t impress the general population during the pandemic as they all seem to have been terrified by the number of people testing positive for the corona virus in 2020.
Which had they tested for the cornona virus in years prior to 2020, there would still have been high results.
As the common cold was the ongoing ailment all the time.
And the common cold if not taken care of properly could always lead to things such as pneumonia.
The common cold could always prove disastrous for those suffering from pre-existing conditions and those having ailments that already affect their immunity.
The only thing different about the 2020 corona virus (or the common cold as it used to be commonly called before the 2020 pandemic) was the tweaking it received from mad scientists doing experiments with bats at the Wuhan Institute of Virology.
And thus the CCP Wuhan virus did have more devastating effects on the vulnerable than did the common cold of previous years.
And often the manner of death was more horrible than the usual common cold produced pneumonia or other ailments.
Now we have several different vaccines for the Covid-19 virus (the CCP tweaked version of the common cold) and those vaccines have produced almost 12,000 deaths across the world in the 10 weeks since those vaccines have first been introduced. Ask yourself what other product in recorded history has produced 12,000 deaths in a 10 week period and yet governments and “experts” and Big Pharma companies are still busy telling people these products are safe to take?
Now the Metropolitan London Police are telling us that their manhandling of women at last night’s vigil for Sarah Everard is all justified by the Covid health restrictions.
In the past year ever since the CCP puppets at WHO (World Health Organization) proclaimed this pandemic, every Fascist pig, Neo-Bolshevik Communist hydra, totalitatarian despot, mentally unhinged demagogue and all-around asshole have used the Covid health restrictions to trample on civil liberties and freedoms and lock the entire population of the world up in one massive prison planet.
And the members of the Metropolitan London Police are sadly no different than the list of usual suspects I mentioned in my previous statement.
As Lord Acton shrewdly observed back in the 19th Century, “Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.”
And Covid health restrictions have given governments and “health experts” and police forces absolute power.
And they have acted like power mad assholes the past year accordingly.
The trouble is most people are giving them the benefit of doubt when they shouldn’t.
As for Cressida Dick the current Commissioner of the Metropolitan London Police, there’s no better name for her.
Cressida is an appropriate first name for her because as the character of Cressida tells the character of Troilus in William Shakespeare’s play Troilus and Cressida that if she breaks her vow of eternal love for him, then “May the name Cressida represent every woman given to falsehood”.
Of course the Trojan woman Cressida falls for the Greek Diogenes in the play and abandons her vow to Troilus leading to the origin of the expression “as false as Cressida”.
And Dick is an excellent last name for her because she is a dick.
As I speak, Harvey Tallbanger the invisible and very tall bunny rabbit is delivering to her face a cream pie containing a very large dildo.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday March 14th
2021.

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Renfield Reads Dr. Seuss Books To Children, Comments On Pope Francis and Reflects On Meghan and Prince Harry Interview

March 10, 2021 at 11:56 pm (books, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield spent the morning reading live on-air to British schoolchildren the 6 books by Dr. Seuss that would no longer be published by Dr. Seuss Enterprises because they were deemed highly offensive, extremely insensitive and politically incorrect by America’s easily offended, psychotically oversensitive and politically correct cancel culture of woke zombies.

After the live-on air reading, Renfield left the studio where he was greeted by a highly irate member of Britain’s own politically correct cancel culture of woke zombies.

“How dare you,” the man foamed at the mouth, “read, as a member of Britain’s House of Commons and therefore a public servant, books that have been deemed cancelled by us the cancel culture?”.

The man regained consciousness several hours later after his face had come into sudden and immediate very close contact with Renfield’s fist.

Renfield went to his parliamentary office where his secretary told him that the U.S. Ambassador to London was once again phoning to complain about the number of times Renfield had referred to U.S. President Joe Biden as an “idiot” and a “senile old fool” the past week.

Renfield had also received a phone call from U.S. actor Tom Hanks’ agent.

In a recent interview, Renfield was asked about Tom Hanks being recently granted Greek citizenship, and the MP replied, quoting a San Francisco blogger he read, “Didn’t Greece recently legalize pedophilia?”.

Renfield went into his inner office where he had a Skype conversation with his good friend Amadeus Emanon who was currently residing in Australia.

“Did you hear,” Amadeus asked, “that Pope Francis was complaining to reporters on the plane ride back from Iraq (reporters all of whom had received the DeathVaxx vaccine in order to be allowed on the plane) that some people call him “an idiot and a heretic”? Did you hear his complaining about that?”.

“I did,’ Renfield lit a cigar.

“Haven’t you on numerous occasions called Pope Francis an idiot and a heretic?” Amadeus inquired.

“I have,” Renfield nodded.

“Some people are now saying that Pope Francis has initiated the official start of the Mystery Babylon religion that was prophesied in Chapter 17 of the Apocalypse of Saint John,” Amadeus pointed out.

“Well Pope Francis did hold an interfaith service at the site of the temple of Inanna the ancient Sumerian goddess of prostitution (whose Babylonian, Assyrian and Akkadian equivalent was Ishtar) the goddess who’s considered the Mother of Harlots so his use of symbols and symbology used throughout this trip was extremely interesting to say the least,” Renfield sipped a small glass of brandy.

“Did you get a chance to watch the Meghan Markle and Prince Harry interview with Oprah?” Amadeus asked.

“I did,” said Renfield, “I was talking to a friend of mine who has been diagnosed with clinical depression and has felt suicidal a few times in his life and he’s very disturbed with the way Meghan was not offered help by the Royal Family when she herself was feeling suicidally depressed while pregnant with Archie and was further told she should not seek out help because members of the Firm aren’t supposed to do so.
They’re supposed to keep a stiff upper lip and all that.”

“Didn’t Prince Andrew keep a stiff something else with a few underage female proteges of Jeffrey Epstein?” Amadeus inquired.

“He did,” Renfield nodded, “And then during the interview it appears there’s at least one member of the Royal Family who’s racist and expressed concern about what skin tone colour baby Archie was going to have. Oprah said that Prince Harry made it clear that it wasn’t his grandmother the Queen or his grandfather Prince Philip. But another member of the Royal Family.”

“Any idea who that member of the Royal Family might be?” Amadeus wanted to know.

“Well, I have a few suspects in mind but nothing definite,” Renfield answered.

“I wonder if we’ll ever know,” Amadeus pondered.

“Well, if Harvey Tallbanger ever finds out and I’m told he’s currently investigating the matter,” Renfield finished his brandy, “and we hear about a member of the British Royal Family getting a cream pie in the face in public thrown at them by an invisible entity over the next few weeks, we can safely guess that was probably the one who had their knickers in a knot over what little Archie’s skin tone colour might be.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 10th
2021.

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Harvey Tallbanger Takes On Europe’s Totalitarian Despots

February 26, 2021 at 11:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

“U.S. President Joe Beijing O’ Biden has ordered his first military airstrike on Syria which was carried out earlier today.
For all those lib-leftists out there who thought Joe Biden wasn’t going to be a warmonger (or thought he wouldn’t detain immigrant children in detention camps), they were of course invariably wrong as anyone with common sense could have easily told them.”
-Renfield R. Renfield MP

“Liberalism is the modern and morbid habit of always sacrificing the normal to the abnormal.”
-G.K. Chesterton

“The New Normal that most politicians, technocrats and Satan worshipping billionaires and bishops are always yapping about for the post-pandemic world is actually the Old Abnormal.”
-Renfield R. Renfield MP

British MP Renfield R. Renfield, Set Enterprises’ eccentric scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague and Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster were at Set Enterprises laboratories in London flipping through various news channels on the TV.

The first news segment showed German Chancellor Angela Merkel saying that there was unanimous agreement within the European Union on implementing a coronavirus vaccine passport.

Ms. Merkel announced that “everyone agreed that we need a digital vaccination certificate” and that such a system could be implemented by summer.

As Ms. Merkel spoke, an Adolf Hitler style moustache appeared just below her nose and just above her lips.

The words I AM AN APOSTLE OF THE ANTICHRIST then appeared on her forehead written in red and black ink.

Seconds later a cream pie was thrown in her face.

The second news segment came on.

European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen announced that EU member states will “have to act fast” in order to implement a digital vaccine certification program as soon as the summer.

The certificate will facilitate travel as well as the ability to attend churches, synagogues, theatres, concert halls or even to go to the gym.

The words I AM AN APOSTLE OF THE ANTICHRIST then appeared on Ms. von der Leyen’s forehead written in red ink.

Seconds later, a cream pie was thrown in her face.

Greece’s Deputy Prime Minister Akis Skertsos then appeared on the TV screen and said that a vaccine passport verification system “is not discriminatory at all”.

The words I AM THE BIGGEST OF SATAN’S USEFUL IDIOTS then appeared written in Greek in green felt ink on his forehead.

Seconds later a souvlaki cream pie was thrown in his face.

British Education Secretary Gavin Williamson then appeared on the TV screen saying that he backed up the plan to carry passports to enter restaurants, cinemas and theatres.

The words I AM AN APOSTLE OF THE ANTICHRIST then appeared in red ink written on his forehead.

Seconds later a cream pie containing a school report card loaded with F’s for each subject was then thrown in his face.

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson then appeared on the TV screen.

Hanging from one of his long scraggly locks of hair over his right ear was a thorougly eaten fried chicken drum stick (from a rooster who was sacrificed in a live Santeria animal sacrifice).

Johnson said that Brits might definitely require health passports for simple domestic visits like going to the pub or theatre.

Johnson, who had the sign KICK ME posted on his backside by the ghost of Winston Churchill, then went on, “I know fervent libertarians will object but other people will think that there is a case for it.”

The ghosts of Adolf Hitler, Lenin, Stalin, Mao Tse-tung and the two deceased members of the North Korean Kim Communist hereditary dynasty appeared behind Johnson smiling and applauding vigourously.

The words I AM AN APOSTLE OF THE ANTICHRIST AND MY HAIRSTYLIST RESIDES IN HELL appeared written in black ink on Boris Johnson’s forehead.

Seconds later a banana cream steak and kidney pie containing hair gel and a comb were then thrown in Johnson’s face.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 26th
2021

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Semiramis Recalls Harvey Tallbanger

February 18, 2021 at 11:17 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Semiramis the immortal Queen of Babylon in the back of an automobile with Lord Frolic of Tweedsmuir

The lecherous old leech Lord Frolic of Tweedsmuir had picked Semiramis up outside the British Houses of Parliament.

He had told the immortal Queen that he had rented the entire London Philharmonic Orchestra for her to give them their own private concert.

He had instructed the chauffeur to drive them to the Royal Albert Hall.

Of course there would be no London Philharmonic Orchestra waiting there.

Instead the “never say die” Lord Frolic of Tweedsmuir was hoping to make out with Semiramis in one of the auditorium seats.

He had always wanted to do that with some woman.

The only trouble was there was usually always an event of some sort at the Royal Albert Hall.

However these times of Covid had put an end to such events.

And Lord Frolic of Tweedsmuir was hoping to take advantage of this opportunity.

As Lord Frolic’s car drove through the streets of London, they passed by the ghosts of Orson Welles and Winston Churchill.

“Rita,” Orson’s ghost called out for Semiramis looked very much like Orson’s late ex-wife Rita Hayworth.

“I do believe,” Churchill was smoking a spectral cigar, “that is Semiramis the immortal Queen of Babylon although the resemblance she bears to your ex-wife is quite remarkable. I met Semiramis once at the Tehran Conference in 1943. I remember she kicked Josef Stalin in the testicles when he got too fresh with her. Which made our talk (Churchill’s, Roosevelt’s and Stalin’s) of opening up a second front against Germany by June 1944 all the more amusing.”

The car continued to drive down the street leaving Welles looking mournful and Churchill looking reflective.

The car then stopped at a traffic light at an intersection where British Foreign Secretary Dominic Raab was standing likewise waiting for the light to change.

This past Sunday Raab had said that the British government should consider having UK citizens carry vaccine passports in order to enter such places as supermarkets.

As he stood there, a cream pie was thrown in his face by a seemingly invisible entity.

Meanwhile inside the car:

Semiramis (looking thoughtful): I have the feeling I’ve seen that rabbit somewhere before.

Lord Frolic of Tweedsmuir was somewhat startled by this assertion, “You see a rabbit out there?”.

“Yes,” Semiramis nodded, “a 6 foot 8 tall purple coloured bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears.”

“Really?” Lord Frolic of Tweedsmuir was starting to wonder whether his date for this evening was clinically insane, “And when did you last see him?”.

“Several thousand years ago when my husband Nimrod first proposed building the Tower of Babel,” Semiramis recalled, “That rabbit threw a cream pie in Nimrod’s face.”

“Cream pies have been around that long?” Lord Frolic of Tweedsmuir was surprised.

“Yes, for as long as that rabbit has,” Semiramis nodded.

. . .

The little green frog Nimrod (who had been the Biblical Nimrod- “the mighty hunter against the Lord” – way back in the day) was sitting on a patient’s couch in the office of London psychiatrist Dr. Morgana Jones.

Nimrod had been turned into a little green frog some years ago when a kiss from the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith went awry.

“So, Mr. Nimrod,” Dr. Morgana Jones, with pen and notepad in hand, addressed the frog, “How long have you been afraid of cream pies?”.

“For several thousand years now,” Nimrod answered, “Ever since a very tall purple bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears threw a cream pie in my face after I proposed building a tower that could reach the heavens.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 18th
2021.

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Renfield Reads Yet Another Radio News Broadcast

February 9, 2021 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

Yet another BBC news broadcastor had been gunned down in the ongoing conflict between Neo-Stalinist Neo-Bolsheviks and Neo-Trotskyite Neo-Bolsheviks in the BBC news room in the ongoing conflict to see who wins control of the coming Neo-Bolshevik Neo-Communist New World Order that the oligarchical technocrats of the world had dubbed the Great Reset with its idiotic slogan “Build back better”.

As such British MP Renfield R. Renfield had been asked asked to read the news as BBC Radio News’ ratings always went up whenever Renfield read the news.

The British NHS (National Health Service) had listed the news broadcastor’s death as being caused by Covid rather than gunshot wounds in accordance with WHO (World Health Organization) regulations.

Renfield read the news with his own ad lib nouns and descriptions, “In other news the Communist Pope of Boneheaded Slogans aka Francis says that human trafficking is caused by living in the “wrong type of economy” a profoundly stupid analysis that was apparently overlooked by the likes of Adam Smith, Karl Marx, John Maynard Keynes and John Kenneth Galbraith…”

Renfield went on, “And the church closing Archbishop of Dublin Ireland says that the drastic incease in knife attacks the past few years in the rapidly Islamized immigrant Ireland can probably be blamed on a lack of empathy among the population. So the next time you’re in Ireland and someone stabs you to death with a big knife, you can hurl at them your dying last words, “Hey, you didn’t show much empathy for me…”.

Not listening to Renfield’s news broadcast was UK Health Secretary Matt Hancock who was holding a press conference announcing prison terms of up to 10 years for some people who do not follow UK Covid guidelines.

As he was speaking, the words I AM AN APOSTLE OF THE ANTICHRIST suddenly appeared on his forehead in red and black lettering.

Moments later, a steaming hot spaghetti and banana cream pie was thrown in his face.

“Wow, Gillian,” Harold called out to his wife as he was sitting there drinking a Harvey Wallbanger and watching the telly, “Did you see what that really tall purple bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears just did?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Tuesday February 9th
2021.

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