Reblog of The Headless Horseman In New York: A Poem

March 20, 2020 at 10:33 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, News, Poetry) (, , )

A poem I wrote 4 years ago today.

Dracul Van Helsing

The Headless Horseman In New York: A Poem

A can of Dew Kickstart one could barely swallow
when one saw the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow
riding his horse down Fifth Avenue
swiping from a traffic cop a bowl of Irish stew
but realizing he had no mouth to eat it
he threw it aside quoting Michael Jackson, “Beat it.”

He then rode to Park Avenue
and starting to feel a little blue
sang that grand old tune
by the light of silvery moon,
“Puttin’ on the Ritz
Dressed up like a million dollar trouper
Trying hard to look like Gary Cooper”
And having no head the Headless Horseman failed miserably at looking like Gary Cooper
he more resembled Donald Trump minus his red spider monkey fur toup-er
And thus he left New York a Presidential party pooper.

-A poem written by Christopher
Sunday March 20th 2016.

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Vatican Roulette- Gambling On There Being No Hell

October 1, 2018 at 10:25 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Vatican Roulette- Gambling On There Being No Hell

Pope Francis was having a late night supper in the Vatican with Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal, the 6 last surviving Vampiric Knights-Templar, Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow, his horse a zombie black horse named Bucephalus Reborn and Amourous Laetitia the personal black cat and familiar of Hecate (the Greek goddess of witchcraft).

Samhain Cardinal Salaman (a former professional stage magician who knew how the Indonesian ghost magician The Sacred Riana and the Canadian-American magician Shin Lim performed their tricks and illusions) had been invited to the dinner but declined when he heard what was on the menu.

On the menu was pork – pork that had been found either at the bottom of a lake or the bottom of a sea by Allatallahbel’s friend the mermaid 🧜‍♀️ goddess Atargatis (who was the mother of Semiramis the famous Assyrian Queen).

The sea bound pork was becoming quite indigestible.

Bucephalus Reborn the zombie black horse was quite literally throwing up cotton from eating it.

Pope Francis promptly lost his appetite for eating cotton candy at a circus anytime in the near or far foreseeable future.

It was fortunate for the Headless Horseman Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden that he only ate pumpkin 🎃 pie 🥧.

Thus avoiding the pork.

Amourous Laetitia decided to throw in the towel and become a vegetarian for the first time in her millennia old life.

She not only lost her pork dinner as a result of this meal but brought up her lunch as well.

That old buzzard of a vulture didn’t taste as good coming up as it did going down.

“I wonder where Atargatis got this pork from?” Allatallahbel threw up all over the gay Jesuit priest who served as Pope Francis’ valet.

Gospel of Mark Chapter 5:

Jesus exorcises the Gadarene demoniac asking the unclean spirit possessing the man, “What is thy name?” and the unclean spirit (or spirits) replies, “My name is Legion: for we are many.”

The demons possessing the man asked Christ to send them into some nearby swine.

Jesus granted them leave to do so.

The unclean spirits went into the swine and the herd of about 2000 ran off a cliff into the sea and were choked in the sea 🌊. (Mark Chapter 5: 1-20).

. . .

The leaders of the United States, Mexico and Canada announced that they had agreed to a renewed NAFTA trade deal to be renamed USMCA (United States Mexico Canada Agreement).

After Donald Trump had issued a victory tweet announcing the formation of USMCA, a group of Greenwich Village bathhouse employees wearing nothing but jockey briefs (which had pictures of Donald Trump at the back of the briefs) came out and did a dance routine on the streets bending over and singing a paraphrased version of an old 1970s Village People song, “Down at the USMCA…”

. . .

The newly installed Samhain Cardinal Salaman (former professional stage magician and ex-practicing Kabbalist) wasn’t sure whether he believed in the God of Catholicism or not.

But then years ago, Pope Francis had said that there was no Catholic God.

Still Samhain Cardinal Salaman decided to go down to Saint Raphael’s Chapel and pray to “whom it may concern”.

When he entered the chapel, he saw this vision greeting him:

A nun dressed in very unusual nun attire.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday October 1st
2018.

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Reblog of The Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow Rises Again

September 30, 2018 at 9:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

A vampire novel chapter I wrote a year ago today.

Dracul Van Helsing

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal was visiting the village of Sleepy Hollow near Tarrytown in northern New York state.

She was searching for the grave of a former lover of hers- a Hessian military officer who fought for the Hanoverian king George III during the American Revolutionary War and who got his head shot off by a stray cannonball much to his dismay.

The officer’s name was Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden.

Allatallahbel found the grave of the Headless Horseman Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden in the forest a few miles out of town from the village of Sleepy Hollow.

A large gravestone and marker for the grave had been paid for by the government of Germany back in 1933 shortly after a man named Adolf Hitler had been appointed Chancellor of Germany.

The reason for building a gravestone marker for the long dead headless Hessian officer were known only to Allatallahbel and…

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Friday The 13th: 13th October

October 13, 2017 at 2:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Friday the 13th: 13th October

Cardinal JM approached Pope Francis with the shocking news.

An ancient Canaanite Vampiress Priestess of Baal, six Vampiric Knights-Templar, a Headless Horseman with a Jack O’ Lantern pumpkin head riding a zombie black horse who kept singing a silly song from an early 1960s American TV comedy Mr. Ed the Talking Horse and a giant black cat who was wearing a hockey goalie 🥅 mask that she couldn’t seem to get off her head had taken over the Vatican without a shot being fired.

“What do they want?” Pope Francis asked wearily.

“They want to be put in charge of training the papal Swiss Guards,” Cardinal JM replied.

“Well, who am I to judge?” Pope Francis took out a nail file and started to file his fingernails.

Outside in Saint Peter’s Square, a lone figure stood out in the middle of the square and said while looking up at the dome of Saint Peter’s Basilica, “Jacques de Molay, thou art avenged.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 13th
2017.

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Allatallahbel, The Vampiric Knights-Templar and The Headless Horseman

October 12, 2017 at 4:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Allatallahbel, The Vampiric Knights-Templar and The Headless Horseman

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal was wearing a glittering silvery white evening dress which had since turned blood red with the number of people she had been sacrificing on the altar.

The Vampiric Knights-Templar were practicing swordplay in anticipation of tomorrow’s mission.

The Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Hessian military officer was shaving the face of his Jack O’ Lantern pumpkin head using whipping cream and a straight razor.

“Ow, I cut myself,” the Headless Horseman started to cry 😭 with the tears putting out the candle inside his Jack O’ Lantern.

“You should use an electric razor,” one of the Vampiric Knights-Templar suggested in the middle of his swordplay.

The Headless Horseman’s zombie black horse named Bucephalus Reborn was busy catching up on his equine history since he had died over two centuries previously.

He was reading about Mr. Ed The Talking Horse a 1960s television character and decided to impersonate him.

Bucephalus Reborn wore a silly hillbilly hat on his head (that his ears stuck through) and sang,

“Mr. Ed the Talking Horse,
of course, of course, of course…”

He was then sprayed with blood as Allatallahbel’s latest victim had a particularly enthusiastically pumping jugular vein.

Meanwhile Amourous Laetitia the personal black cat and familiar of Hecate (the Greek goddess of witchcraft) was trying desperately to get the Friday the 13th Jason the serial killer goalie hockey mask off her head.

She was planning to wear it tomorrow for the mission.

So she thought she’d try it on.

And now.

She couldn’t get it off.

Tomorrow.

Friday the 13th.

13th October.

The Vampiric Knights-Templar would enact their revenge.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 12th
2017.

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The Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow Rises Again

September 30, 2017 at 3:15 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal was visiting the village of Sleepy Hollow near Tarrytown in northern New York state.

She was searching for the grave of a former lover of hers- a Hessian military officer who fought for the Hanoverian king George III during the American Revolutionary War and who got his head shot off by a stray cannonball much to his dismay.

The officer’s name was Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden.

Allatallahbel found the grave of the Headless Horseman Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden in the forest a few miles out of town from the village of Sleepy Hollow.

A large gravestone and marker for the grave had been paid for by the government of Germany back in 1933 shortly after a man named Adolf Hitler had been appointed Chancellor of Germany.

The reason for building a gravestone marker for the long dead headless Hessian officer were known only to Allatallahbel and Adolf.

After standing beside the gravestone marker and reflecting for a while, Allatallahbel then stood back and chanted a spell that was given her by the ancient Egyptian god Thoth.

Thoth had recently returned to this particular spatial/temporal dimension.

On the day of the full lunar eclipse across the U.S.- August 21st 2017- in fact.

After chanting the spell, she waited.

The headless Hessian officer then arose from the grave along with his horse (for he had been buried with his horse).

Allatallahbel then gave the Headless Horseman his instructions.

The Horseman saluted (even though he had no head to salute on) and rode off.

He stopped off in front of a store in Tarrytown and broke the store’s front window and helped himself to a carved Jack O’ Lantern pumpkin which he immediately put on top of his shoulders.

He then rode all the way to downtown Manhattan.

Many New York City policemen tried to stop the Headless Horseman but he beheaded them with his regimental sword.

The policemen’s beheadings were met with cheers by supporters of the Black Lives Matter movement.

The Headless Horseman passed a television set in a department store window where Pope Francis was doing a stand-up comedy routine in which he claimed the apostolic exhortation Amoris Laetitia was a Thomist document.

The Headless Horseman could be heard cackling through his carved Jack O’ Lantern teeth.

Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden then rode down to the New York City docks where he and his horse boarded a ship bound for Europe.

He hoped the ship would arrive in Europe before Halloween.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 30th
2017.

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The Headless Horseman In New York: A Poem

March 20, 2016 at 8:32 pm (Humour, News, Poetry) (, , )

The Headless Horseman In New York: A Poem

A can of Dew Kickstart one could barely swallow
when one saw the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow
riding his horse down Fifth Avenue
swiping from a traffic cop a bowl of Irish stew
but realizing he had no mouth to eat it
he threw it aside quoting Michael Jackson, “Beat it.”

He then rode to Park Avenue
and starting to feel a little blue
sang that grand old tune
by the light of silvery moon,
“Puttin’ on the Ritz
Dressed up like a million dollar trouper
Trying hard to look like Gary Cooper”
And having no head the Headless Horseman failed miserably at looking like Gary Cooper
he more resembled Donald Trump minus his red spider monkey fur toup-er
And thus he left New York a Presidential party pooper.

-A poem written by Christopher
Sunday March 20th 2016.

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Haiku About Headless Horseman

August 25, 2013 at 3:53 pm (Poetry) (, , , , , , , )

Haiku About The Headless Horseman

Horseman was riding
lost his head in pumpkin patch
mind now sleep hollow

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The Headless Horseman of Ghost Pine Lake

August 11, 2013 at 11:11 pm (Poetry) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Headless Horseman of Ghost Pine Lake

It was a time of war and not of peace
the beating of drums for joy did cease
The beating of war drums was heard throughout the land
and streams of human blood flowed into the sand.

It was the land that became the province of Alberta
before settlers arrived with names like Hans and Gerta.
It was the land evangelized by Father Albert Lacombe
a land where masses of buffalo did roam.
A land which was the battleground between Blackfoot and Cree 
in this Prairie far below the Arctic Sea.
The children of Gitche Manitou had turned against one another 
seeing a fellow human being as foe rather than brother.

These were the days before the great peacemaker Crowfoot arose
humanity needs his like again Heaven knows
Crowfoot that noble and great Blackfoot chief
who knew that from horrors of war his people needed relief.
Crowfoot who adopted the great Cree chief Poundmaker as his son
so that rose of Peace might blossom in the noonday sun.

But those days of Crowfoot and Poundmaker were not yet
for these were days of malice on which sun would not set.

In this age Cree and Blackfoot were at enmity
and this Lake of Ghost Pine was no Sea of Tranquility
Instead under a moon that glowed blood red
many braves from both tribes lay on the ground dead.
Two warriors eyed one another from opposite sides of the lake
And it appeared there was one more human life to take
From the North the Cree warrior shouted on his horse 
and from the south Blackfoot answered in due course.

Like knights of old
in Arthurian tales told
the two warriors on horseback at one another did charge
and both using their equine animal as a barge
in the middle of the lake they did meet
for this year it wasn’t very deep.

And in the exchange of tomahawk blows
and exchange of words between foes
the Cree warrior lost his footing and from his horse he started to slip
and the beat of his heart-it started to skip
and would continue for a slight while beating
despite Blackfoot tomahawk slicing through where his head and body were meeting.

And the Cree warrior’s head fell into the water
swept away by ripples of Mother Time’s daughter.

And it is said the Cree warrior can still be seen 
on moonlit nights when mists are keen
riding his horse through the fog  
searching for his head in the watery bog.

-A poem written by Christopher
Sunday August 11th 2013
Inspired by a tale
told to him by his father
over a campfire
at Ghost Pine Lake, Alberta
many years ago.

-This poem is lovingly dedicated 
to my dad
a great historian, a great teacher
and a wonderful human being
who succumbed to the demon of cancer
and passed away June 16th 2010.

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The Headless Horseman

October 30, 2009 at 2:49 pm (Humour, Mystery/horror, Poetry) (, )

‘Twas the night before Halloween
and ghosts were yet unseen
as Sir Belvedere rode upon the moor
returning from a recent war
covered in blood and gore
no Nobel Peace Prize for him
just more weightlifts down at the gym
but first he’ll stop at the inn.

“Some pumpkin soup!” he said with glee
as he ate some jam from the jamboree.
I’m afraid the king gets the soup
and you are but a dupe
said the barmaid with nice knockers
amid the chat of patron talkers.

Oh merde! oh merde!
said the French chef
whose hair was parted down the clef
no pumpkins left in the kitchen
and the king’s stomach is a-twitchin’.

Sir Belvedere my lovely dear!
The barmaid raised her skirts,
I hope you’re not queer
but you’ll get a better look
if you huff it down to the brook
and a mighty pumpkin you do took
and bring it back here.

 

Sir Belvedere leapt upon his horse,
I’ll be back before the main course
and galloped on down to the brook
and a mighty pumpkin he did took
and brought it back to the cook.

But as he handed it to Alphonse
he slipped on some twisted prawns
and with a prance in his pants
the pumpkin smashed like a crash dance.

You fool! Said Alphonse, I’m ruined
I’ll end up a dry pruned
my head upon the king’s castle gate
such will be my dreadful fate.

Why lose your head, Alphonse dear?
The barmaid smiled
a look so wild
she flashed her beaver
and raised the cleaver
and cut off the head of Sir Belvedere.

The knight’s head was served in the king’s pumpkin soup
head of a knight- such a dupe!
and as the chickens leave the coop
they chirp and slirp
at the pumpkin remains
while a new Headless Horseman
grabs the horse’s reins.

-The Headless Horseman
a Halloween poem
written by Dracul Van Helsing
Friday October 30th, 2009

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