Amorous Laetitia, Teilhard, Pachamama and The New World Order

March 25, 2020 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Amorous Laetitia, Teilhard, Pachamama and The New World Order

Amorous Laetitia the familiar black cat of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft (an animal who sadly was never mentioned in most Greek mythology textbooks) was wandering the lonely streets of Rome.

It was rather nice of that Coronavirus to be keeping people off the streets for her.

Amorous Laetitia broke into her favourite Rome taverna (which was now closed because of the countrywide lockdown) and helped herself to a bottle of Baileys Irish Cream which she poured into ten large saucers for Amorous Laetitia preferred drinking Baileys Irish Cream to drinking milk.

Afterwards she pranced down the street doing a feline Irish jig which was the usual after effect of drinking Baileys Irish Cream that came upon her.

As she pranced and danced, Pachamama the Inca earth mother goddess walked by accompanied by the flaming fiery disembodied head of Jesuit priest Pierre Teilhard de Chardin.

Pachamama had been in the Vatican quite a bit recently ever since wooden statues of her had been brought into the Vatican Gardens last October.

Amorous Laetitia herself had been living in the Vatican the past several years ever since her mistress Hecate’s head had been buried inside the High Altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica roughly around the same time that Pope Francis had written an apostolic exhortation on love and the family that he called Amoris Laetitia.

Last December at a Vatican Christmas Concert, a female shaman from the Amazon had led various Italian Catholic bishops and priests into praying to Pachamama as they held their hands over their hearts to pick up the vibrations of Mother Earth.

Later the Missionary Society of The Italian Conference of Catholic Bishops had published a prayer to Pachamama asking her to impart her special blessings on the land of Italy.

And now a few months later in March 2020, Italy’s death toll from the Coronavirus was now higher than that of China where, as Donald Trump is never tired of reminding us, the Coronavirus originated.

So, if Amorous Laetitia could talk, she might ask, “How is that prayer and those blessings working out for you so far, Bishops?”.

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set were having a discussion on which particular group of globalist elitists were going to use this Coronavirus pandemic as an excuse to bring about a New World Order (the globalist euphemism for a one world government) under their control.

Mused Set, “There were always various theories on how the globalists would be able to get the world to become as one and accept a New World Order. One theory was the world would become as one as a result of fear of nuclear war. Another theory was that the globalists would stage a phoney ET invasion from outer space to get the world to become one. Yet another theory was the globalists would use fear of climate change. Yet nobody anywhere predicted that it would be a little tiny virus running amuck that would cause the world such panic that it would be forced to act in unison as one which might allow the globalist totalitarian with the winning deck of cards in his pocket to step up upon the world stage and collect all the marbles. The answer of how to bring this all about lay with an eency weency virus.”

“The answer was under our noses all this time,” Renfield noted as he sneezed.

-A vampire novel chapterĀ 
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 25th
2020.

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The Norse Wolf Fenrir Visits Israel

July 26, 2017 at 3:30 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The Norse wolf Fenrir looked at the Rolex watch on his paw and realized that the Battle of Ragnarok wasn’t ready to begin just yet.

So he decided to go on another sightseeing tour somewhere in the world.

Today he chose Israel.

He danced with short skirted young Hebrew hotties in the most swinging nightclubs of Tel Aviv.

In Renfield R. Renfield like fashion, he had a hot fudge sundae poured over his head when he made an inappropriate pass at Wonder Woman film star Gal Gadot.

He then tried fishing in the Sea of Galilee where he didn’t have much luck catching fish either.

He stopped off in the village of Cana of Galilee where an archaeological dig was taking place.

The archaeologist was busy digging up 2000 year old bottles of wine.

Fenrir wondered what a 2000 year old bottle of wine tasted like and helped himself.

“God,” Fenrir thought to himself, “this is the best tasting wine I’ve ever tasted in my life.”

He then proceeded to drink up the other 11 excavated bottles of the 2000 year old wine.

He then stumbled his way to Jerusalem singing, “Roll out the barrel, we’ll have a barrel of fun, hic! for the gang’s all here…”

When he reached the Temple Mount, he wasn’t feeling so good.

So the Norse wolf Fenrir vomited all over the Temple Mount.

What came out in the flow of vomit was the undigested head of Hecate (the Greek goddess of witchcraft) that he had eaten a few months earlier.

As Fenrir stumbled his way in search of a pharmacy to cure his hang-over, he left the head behind on the Temple Mount.

Palestinians heading for prayer on the Haram al-Sharif were angry when they saw the head of Hecate and shouted towards a group of Jews praying at the Western Wall, “You’ve desecrated our place of prayer by dumping this head here.”

The Jews angrily responded, “What do you mean? Cutting people’s heads off is a Muslim thing. That is when you’re not busy blowing yourselves up and blowing up other people in the process. We don’t do severed heads. Our weapons are Uzis, tanks, missiles and planes.”

The exchange sparked more violence and another day of rioting.

Such was the climate to be found in the City of Peace.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 26th
2017.

Gal Gadot
Gal Gadot: Poured hot fudge sundae over the all paws and awfully fresh Norse wolf Fenrir.

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Pope Francis, Loki and Fenrir

March 13, 2017 at 3:28 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Amadeus Emanon was flipping through the stations on his radio trying to see if he could pick up an all-reggae music station.

He came across an interview Pope Francis was giving members of the German news media, “Catholic fundamentalists are like Peter. They’re quite willing to deny Christ 3 times.”

He then came across the replay of an old BBC radio interview that the British essayist and commentator Malcolm Muggeridge had given over 40 years ago, “We must remember that it was the Apostle who was the most concerned about social justice that finally ended up betraying Christ in the end.”

Meanwhile the Norse trickster god Loki and his lupine son the Norse wolf Fenrir (who had both become unbound in the year 2010 in preparation for the Battle of Ragnarok 7 years hence) were walking through a New York City cryogenics lab.

“Here we are,” Loki opened a drawer marked “H for Hecate’s head”, “the cryogenically frozen head of the Greek goddess Hecate in her crone form. Now I want you to take this head, Fenrir, and eat it.”

“Can’t we stick it in the microwave first, Dad?” Fenrir communicated telepathically to his father, “I’ve always hated eating frozen TV dinners while they’re still frozen.”

“Oh, all right,” Loki sighed.

They went to the cryogenics lab cafeteria frightening all the patrons present (who promptly ran away) where Loki put the cryogenically frozen head of Hecate on high in the microwave for 2 minutes.

“I wonder if that will be long enough,” Loki scratched his trickster god chin.

The bell on the microwave rang and Loki took the head out.

“Ouch! Ouch! Hot! Hot!” Loki dropped the head to the floor and started blowing on his fingers.

Fenrir waited for the head to cool off for a while before eating it.

After eating it in one gulp, the wolf commented, “BURP!”.

“You always did have the most atrocious table manners,” Loki sighed.

“Good thing I was eating off the floor,” Fenrir belched again, “and funny, you never said that whenever I ate in Odin’s banquet hall.”

“That’s because Odin was such a sourpuss host,” Loki answered, “let’s go.”

Loki and Fenrir exited the cafeteria with Fenrir singing his own version of a 1960s Peter, Paul and Mary song as he went out the door, “Where have all the goddess heads gone? Long time passing. Where have all the goddess heads gone? Gone to wolf’s guts every one. When will they ever learn? When will they ever learn?”.

An hour later the Greek deities Artemis and Apollo arrived in the cryogenics lab with the Niburuan ET gray scientist Dr. Whenever Wherever.

“Good heavens,” the goddess of the hunt Artemis shouted when she opened the drawer, “Hecate’s head is gone.”

“I wonder if I’ll get my Olympian gold coin drachmas money back,” Apollo seethed.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 13th
2017.

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Ding Dong! The Witch Is Dead!

March 10, 2017 at 6:13 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, Mystery/horror, Mythology, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Big Ben just happened to chime in London the moment Hecate was beheaded in New York City.

Apollo gathered up Hecate’s head and had it cryogenically frozen.

Who of course could bring the deity back to life?

First bets fell on Dr. Cadbury Rocher the resident mad scientist at Set Enterprises in London who had brought Apollo back from the dead, had restored Medusa to life (minus her atrocious snake hair style) and who also had managed to clone several Greek mythological creatures including Pan and Pegasus.

However Dr. Rocher was fearful of reprisals from satyr serial killer Pan Goatee if he brought Hecate back from the dead so he declined.

South African witch doctor Sterling Makabo declined for the same reason.

As did the Russian FSB’s (former East German Stasi) mad scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen although Dr. Werhoffen did have the added burden of his boss Russian President Vladimir Putin’s dislike for witches (hence his dislike for Hillary).

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton released the following statement upon hearing of Hecate’s death:

I’m so sorry to hear of the sudden and tragic demise of the Greek goddess I always considered my personal mentor Hecate the goddess of witchcraft, sorcery and necromancy. I know me and my supporters as well as the CEOs of all Planned Parenthood clinics across the land are absolutely devastated by news of our mentor’s death. I am personally proud of being a witch although I do know being a witch spelled with both a “w” and a “b” probably cost me the U.S. election as many people seemed to prefer even voting for Donald Trump as opposed to voting for me.

Weepingly yours in Hecate,
Hillary.

The Greek goddess Demeter (goddess of the harvest and agriculture) was very concerned over the death of Hecate.

She turned to Artemis the goddess of the hunt for help in bringing Hecate back to life.

Asclepius the Greek god of medicine and healing was sadly being held a prisoner in the Himalayas by a mysterious Golden cobra serpent figure who called himself Maitreya so he could not do it.

Artemis went for a walk in the woods in upstate New York to collect her thoughts.

There she ran into the ET gray Gali-Gula (whose ET gray body was possessed by the spirit of the Roman Emperor Caligula).whose Niburuan UFO ship The Gunterpunter had run out of metallic hydrogen since Gali-Gula had neglected to fill up at the closest Nonpetro Galaxia metallic hydrogen filling station.

Gali-Gula was aware that world-famous Earthling dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes would probably tomato his buns for such a major blunder to say nothing of Pope Francis excommunicating him (if he had been Catholic) as well as being hit by a major carbon tax surcharge by Alberta Premier Rachel Notley’s NDP government in Canada for making such a major environmental non-green non-renewable energy blunder.

Artemis told Gali-Gula her dilemma.

Gali-Gula told Artemis his.

Artemis text messaged Hephaestus the Greek god of the forge to see what he could do.

In return, Gali-Gula text messaged his ET grayish home planet Nibiru’s top scientist Dr. Whenever Wherever.

Dr. Whenever Wherever was in fact a Nibiruan scientist from the future who had traveled back in time to the current century.

Due to a mishap involving a drunken Niburuan otter called Jeffery which resulted in sustainable head injuries to Dr. Whenever Wherever after he tripped over the well intoxicated otter lying on the floor, Dr. Whenever Wherever’s portion of his ET gray brain dedicated to time travel had been overtaken by amnesia. (Nibiruan science had suffered several setbacks over the millenia due to the folly of drunken Nibiruan otters- please see

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2016/08/12/gali-gula-from-roman-emperor-to-et/ )

In the future, Dr. Whenever Wherever had been born to Nibiruan parents who were big fans of the earthling BBC series Dr. Who watching them on Ultra-Violet Ray Video Discs (with infinitely better picture quality than our decade’s Blu-Ray discs). Unfortunately the idiot recording them on the Discs had pushed the wrong button and so the only soundtrack that showed up in the background of the Dr. Who episodes was a constant refrain of Shakira’s 2001 hit song Whenever Wherever.

That episode of Dr. Who where the stone angels came to life was infinitely more terrifying when you heard the words Whenever Wherever to their suddenly and eerily coming to life.

As such, the young ET gray’s parents had named the child Whenever Wherever after the dialogue in the episodes of Dr. Who they watched on the unknown idiot’s Ultra-Violet Ray video discs of Dr. Who.

Dr. Whenever Wherever of Nibiru after speaking to Artemis on Gali-Gula’s Infinitely Celestial Smart Phone agreed to help in the case of Hecate’s severed head seeing if it could be brought back to life.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 10th
2017.

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A Night In The Life of Lepardia Marango

March 7, 2017 at 8:06 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Lepardia Marango ran down the street in her purple mini dress and purple spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.

Lepardia who was the cultural attache at the South African Embassy in London had been spending her Tuesday night clubbing with some friends.

She thought it was safe to do so since the next full moon was 5 days away.

For Lepardia had the misfortune of being a were-leopard (a person who turns into a leopard during the full moon) having been bitten by a were-leopard 7 years ago in South Africa.

There were other circumstances when Lepardia would turn into a were-leopard besides during a full moon.

One was being in the presence of a powerful witch.

As far as she knew, there were no powerful witches at the club she was at.

Little did Lepardia know that Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft was in London visiting Apollo the Greek sun god who had spent the past couple of months in London.

And both of the Greek immortals had been at the Dionysus or Bust (of Aphrodite) Club tonight where Lepardia had been celebrating a friend’s birthday.

Subsequently Lepardia felt herself turning into a were-leopard.

She immediately left her startled friends and went running out the back door of the club.

Desperately she searched the streets of London for a place that sold buttermilk.

For she had discovered there was some sort of antidote to her condition in buttermilk that prevented her transformation.

She ran into a small grocery.

A taxi driver had moments before just bought the last carton of buttermilk.

He was delivering it to the British House of Commons at Westminster where there was a lot of howling going on quite literally on the Opposition Labour Party backbenches.

The howling was coming from Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley who had visited the Dionysus or Bust (of Aphrodite) Club earlier tonight.

Lepardia felt herself turning into a were-leopard.

“Oh, God, no,” Lepardia said to herself.

Then from around the corner, she smelled the sweet smell of buttermilk.

She ran around the corner and pounced.

She eagerly drank from the carton and then ran back around the corner… transforming from leopard to Lepardia again.

“That leopard stole my buttermilk,” Amadeus Emanon pointed out the empty carton to his friend and co-employee Renfield R. Renfield.

“It could have been worse,” Renfield ate a tuna fish sandwich, “she could have stolen my tuna fish sandwiches.”

Lepardia meantime had hailed a cab and was on her way back to the club.

Lepardia Marango The Were-Leopardess

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 7th
2017.

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Hecate In The Vatican

March 2, 2017 at 7:43 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol were busy walking the halls of the Vatican.

Unofficially of course.

Since Dracul Van Helsing had been banned from the Vatican for calling German Cardinal Walter Kasper a heretic (even though he is one!).

Dracul Van Helsing had written a Monty Python Lumberjack Song style script in which Cardinal Kasper had gone around singing, “Oh, I’m a heretic and I’m okay.”

Cardinal Kasper was not amused.

And neither was his boss Pope Francis.

Van Helsing and Whitstable were in the Vatican because they had been informed by sources in the know that Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft, necromancy and sorcery had been seen wandering the halls of the Vatican.

“Well,” Dracul commented, “no doubt Alexander Hislop the author of The Two Babylons is dancing with joy in his grave at the fact that Hecate has been spotted wandering the halls of the Vatican..’

Hecate had been spotted in the Vatican in each one of her three forms- maiden, matron and crone.

“This,” Whitstable opened the door to the room of the enigmatic Cardinal JM, “is the room from which Hecate first emerged according to our source.”

Van Helsing and Whitstable entered the room which was empty of any Crosses, Crucifixes or statues of Mary and the Saints.

There on the Cardinal’s altar was an unusual assembly of paraphernalia.

“That doesn’t look like Greek sorcery there,” said Whitstable, “it looks more like Haitian voodoo.”

“It does,” Van Helsing agreed,

“And there appears to be a photo of some Cardinal whose image has been made into a voodoo doll stuck with pins,” Whitstable pointed, “Do you recognize the Cardinal, Dracul?”.

“It’s Raymond Leo Cardinal Burke,” Dracul replied, “the former Patron of the Sovereign Military Order of Malta.”

“What did he do to inspire Cardinal JM’s hatred?” Whitstable asked.

“I don’t know,” Dracul Van Helsing shrugged, “but it appears there’s something rotten in the state of the Vatican.”

Meanwhile in his suite in the Kremlin, Russian President Vladimir Putin was dreaming of a vision he had encountered in the forest outside Moscow last autumn.

The vision was of Hecate in her maiden form handing him a crystal ball in the shape of a purple globe of the world.

Hecate The Greek Goddess of Witchcraft In Her Maiden Form

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 2nd
2017.

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