Renfield Meets Queen Elizabeth II

May 13, 2016 at 6:25 pm (Comedy, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Espionage, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Renfield Meets Queen Elizabeth II

Renfield R. Renfield was feeling quite jealous of Amadeus Emanon these days.

Amadeus was getting lots of dates with beautiful women.

While he, Renfield, was striking out with beautiful women left, right and center.

He would definitely be ineligible to sign on as a designated hitter with a Major League Baseball team.

To top it off, Amadeus had recently been invited to a Royal event to mark Her Majesty The Queen’s 90th Birthday.

And Renfield had received no invitation from the Palace to attend anything.

Still Renfield had heard that Her Majesty would be holding yet another Royal Garden Tea Party to celebrate Her 90th year.

So Renfield decided to shapeshift into a hamster and enter the event that way.

And that’s exactly what he did.

He scurried under a table where he promptly shapeshifted back into his human form.

Then he crawled back out from under the table.

Just as Her Majesty The Queen was helping herself to a watercress sandwich.

“Oh dear, ” said the Queen, “did you lose something?”.

“Yes, I seem to have lost my pen given to me by my favourite grandmother,” Renfield answered.

“Good heavens,” said the Queen sympathetically, “I hope you found it.”

“I did,” Renfield pulled out a Moonlite Bunny Ranch Nevada pen from inside his vest pocket and quickly put it back before Her Majesty could read the logo.

“Is your favourite grandmother still alive?” The Queen asked.

“No,” Renfield shook his head, “she was killed last year while big game hunting in Africa.”

“Great Heavens,” said the Queen.

“Yes, she was mistaken for an American dentist by a lioness girlfriend of the late lamented lion Cecil of Zimbabwe,” Renfield spoke in pseudo-mournful tones.

“How awful,” said the Queen.

“Yes, it didn’t make for a pretty picture,” Renfield agreed, “although surprisingly the picture did go viral on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.”

“And you are…?” The Queen extended her hand.

“Mr. Renfield R. Renfield,” Renfield shook Her Majesty’s hand and bowed.

“Renfield R. Renfield?” Her Majesty repeated the name, “Funny, I don’t recall seeing that name on the invitation list.”

“Well I occasionally do clandestine work on behalf of both MI-5 and MI- 6,” Renfield answered, “so my name is very hush-hush. Top secret in other words.”

“Oh, I see,” the Queen nodded, “do you understand intelligence service code?”.

“Some,” Renfield nodded.

“Well as you know,” the Queen said, “I was recently caught on camera saying that some Chinese government officials were very rude during last year’s state visit by President Xi Jinping. Today I got a message from the British Embassy in Beijing saying that the said officials had just “got their buns tomatoed by Sherrielock Holmes for their rudeness”. I take it that’s some sort of code.”

“Um… yes it is,” Renfield’s face turned as white as a hamster’s.”

“Hello, Renfield,” a smiling Sherrielock Holmes stood behind the Queen.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” the Queen went over to talk to the French Ambassador to London.

Sherrielock Holmes was dressed in a red rose emblazoned white cocktail dress instead of her usual leather skirted dominatrix attire.

“I take it you snuck into this garden party without an invitation,” Sherrielock smiled an even wider smile.

“Well… uh,” Renfield turned as pale as the moon when it had eaten too much green cheese on a moonlit evening.

Sherrielock opened her dragon leathered Gucci purse and threw out Paris Hilton’s pet Chihuahua and brought out a whip.

“No,” Renfield pleaded.

Renfield’s cries were drowned out by the 21-gun salute for the Queen.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 13th 2016.

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Svetlana Kireeva On Earth Day

April 22, 2014 at 7:01 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Svetlana Kireeva On Earth Day

Spanish vampire Manuel de Rivera y Vargas was walking the streets of Memphis Tennessee.

Manuel was a good vampire.

In fact, he was a close friend of the famous Canadian vampire hunter Christopher Dracul Van Helsing who slew evil vampires.

Manuel a concert pianist by profession had been turned into a vampire against his will by the Egyptian Vampiress Isis in New York City back in 1942 after he had performed a particularly rousing rendition of Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata in a Manhattan concert hall.

Although Manuel like all vampires needed human blood to survive, he refused to attack humans to get it.

He bought vials of blood from hospitals and the Red Cross.

The only person he had ever bitten and also turned into a vampire was a young woman who was dying of cancer and had requested it because she wanted to live a few more years.

The woman was Angelique Dumont an aspiring young classically trained singer and actress.

Manuel had found her in a crypt in a New Orleans cemetery which was submerged by floodwaters when Hurricane Katrina had smashed into Louisiana back in the summer of 2005.

Miss Dumont had gone to visit the Dumont Family Crypt to tell her ancestors that she was dying of cancer when the hurricane suddenly hit.

When Manuel found her almost submerged under water in the crypt, she refused to leave.

She said he could either bite her and turn her into a vampire or let her die by drowning than face the awful fate of an agonizing death by cancer.

So Manuel had granted her request.

Miss Dumont was now a successful singer and actress who appeared in musicals in the theatre district of West London in England.

The New Orleans Songstress as she was dubbed by the British press was particularly noted for playing the role of Christine Daae in the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical The Phantom of The Opera.

Like Manuel, Angelique did not attack humans but bought bottles of human blood from hospitals.

As for Manuel, he had watched the woman he loved- a beautiful young Iranian girl and reformer- being murdered by the tyrannical mullah’s regime in Tehran in the wake of the street protests that had gripped Iran in 2009-2010 following Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s re-election as President of the Islamic Republic of Iran.

Now Manuel was in Memphis Tennessee taking a personal pilgrimage honouring another great musician he admired- Elvis Presley.

As Manuel stood outside Graceland, he blinked.

And the vampire Manuel although a supernatural creature himself was in shock.

For just like the singer in that song Walking In Memphis, he had just seen the Ghost of Elvis.

What could that possibly mean?

. . .

In another Memphis- Memphis, Egypt- the eerie winged Flying Eye of Horus flew above the ruins of the pillared hall of Rameses II at Memphis.

. . .

Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II lay in bed.

From a distant room, she could hear the radio playing.

The song being played on the radio was being sung by Johnny Cash.

It was that old song The Devil Went Down To Georgia.

Her Majesty had always loved Johnny Cash’s music.

The Devil went down to Georgia.

Her Majesty gazed in the distance to the globe of the world by her bedroom window.

Coincidentally her eye fell on Georgia on the globe of the world- the spot seemed to be directly in her gaze.

Although it was not the Georgia of America’s Deep South

It was the Eastern European country of Georgia.

The country that Vladimir Putin had invaded in August 2008 and had seized the Georgian territories of Abkhazia and South Ossetia.

. . .

Russian Vampiress Svetlana Kireeva of the FSB stood inside the mausoleum of Lenin’s Tomb and gazed at the body of Lenin- founder of Soviet Russia and the Soviet Union- as he lay behind his glass enclosure.

Today was Lenin’s 144th birthday.

It was also Earth Day.

The world’s very first Earth Day had been April 22nd 1970- which had been Lenin’s 100th birthday.

The date had been selected by Communists who had infiltrated the then emerging environmental movement in the U.S.

The KGB and its agents hoped to seize control of the burgeoning environmental movement and use it to bring about the rapid industrial decline of the U.S. and the Western world.

In the meantime, heavy Soviet industry would continue to rape and pillage the sacred earth of Mother Russia in order to bring about the Soviet Workers’ Paradise on Earth while they hoped the environmental movement in the West would lead to the rapid industrial and technological decline of the U.S. , Great Britain and Western Europe.

And so Communist infiltrators in the U.S. environmental movement had deliberately chosen the date of Lenin’s 100th birthday- April 22nd 1970- as the world’s very first Earth Day.

And none of the non-Communist members of the environmental movement had ever bothered asking why that particular date had been chosen for Earth Day.

As Lenin himself had shrewdly and astutely noted, there would be no shortage of “useful idiots” for the Communist cause in the West.

And so here on this 44th Earth Day, Svetlana Kireeva stood inside Lenin’s tomb and made a personal vow to restore the Empire that Lenin and Stalin had built.

This April 22nd 2014.

Lenin’s 144th birthday.

144.

12 x 12.

12.

Like the 12 Tribes of Israel.

144,000.

144,000 witnesses in the Book of Revelation.

12,000 from each of the 12 Tribes of Israel.

Israel.

Were Israel and Russia connected somehow? she wondered.

Suddenly to her horror, Lenin’s eyes opened on his corpse behind the glass enclosure and Lenin’s corpse spoke these words,

“The time is now.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 22nd
2014.

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