Much Ado About Meng Wanzhou

December 8, 2018 at 11:54 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )


Meng Wanzhou: The Face That Launched A Thousand Deaths

Retribution was swift.

Numerous leading officials in the U.S. State, Justice, Trade and Commerce Departments were found dead with poisoned chopsticks inserted into their necks.

Donald Trump woke up in horror to discover that someone had put chicken fried rice and sweet and sour pork spare ribs in his toupee.

Officials at both the Canadian and U.S. Embassies in Beijing had come down with the worst cases of diarrhea in all recorded history.

The Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu (the immortal daughter of the infamous Dr.Fu Manchu Manchu that British writer Sax Rohmer had written about) had gone to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s greenhouse in Ottawa and wearing a pair of metallic spiked leather gloves had kidnapped Justin’s beloved pot smoking and cannabis inhaling cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever. He would be released upon the release of Huawei executive and Chief Financial Officer Meng Wanzhou from a Canadian prison. Distraught, a tearful Justin had called an emergency Federal Canadian Cabinet meeting on the issue. He was thinking of evoking the Emergency War Measures Act like his father Pierre Elliot had done when British Trade Commissioner James Cross and Quebec Labour Minister Pierre Laporte had been kidnapped by the FLQ back in October 1970.

His Foreign Minister Chrystia Freeland slapped Justin’s face and told him to get a grip on reality.


The Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu just prior to putting on a pair of spiked metallic leather gloves and kidnapping the Canadian Prime Ministerial official marijuana pot smoking and cannabis inhaling cactus plant of Justin Trudeau.


Canadian Foreign Affairs Minister Chrystia Freeland forced to slap Justin’s face when he started babbling about calling upon the ET gray Gali-Gula and an invasion fleet from planet Nibiru for help.

Meanwhile Australian poet David Redpath was happy to report that Strawberry Fields Forever’s two pot smoking and cannabis inhaling desert cactus plant children (a son named Octopi Garden and a left leaning daughter named Octopi Wall Street) were both safe and sound in his home in Australia.

Apparently Redpath’s once buying the Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh (the granddaughter of Vietnamese President Ho Chi Minh and a woman who now worked for the Chinese Intelligence Service) some green tea and a Vietnamese pork submarine sandwich in a Sydney restaurant had put the poet in Ho’s good books.

Meanwhile leading officials in the Vancouver Crown Prosecutor’s office were now dying en masse after their marijuana cigarettes were all laced with arsenic by Chinese agents.

Similarly RCMP officers and CSIS agents were keeling over by the bucket load (before they had the chance to complete their bucket lists) all across Canada after egg rolls and chop suey they had received had all been heavily laced with polonium-210.

Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher refused to provide them with the antidote to polonium-210 poisoning that he had developed since his boss the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was personal friends with Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu.

And so numerous orphans and widows were being created in Canada and numerous undertakers and funeral homes would be doing a booming business in Canada next week as a result of the cowardly Justin Trudeau’s surrender of Canadian national sovereignty to America’s Trump Administration and its unilateral embargo against Iran.

Justin was doing this all for a man who belittled and ridiculed him (the ghosts of Sigmund Freud and Alfred Kinsey were both speculating that Justin might be a latent homosexual masochist with a cougee like infatuation and obsession with the older man).

And Trump was following a stringent anti-Iran agenda because his ultimate dream in life was to continously kiss the buttocks of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.

Truly the days of Sodom and Gomorrah were upon the world as Christ prophesied would be one of the signs of his 2nd Coming.

And speaking of Sodom and Gomorrah, British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the Chinese Intelligence Service operative Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh were now in San Francisco to deliver a poisoned apple to Apple CEO Tim Cook on behalf of the Chinese government.


Ho Babylon Minh: Bearing poisoned apples to Cook.

Meanwhile in British Columbia, the Vancouver International Airport was undergoing massive aerial bombardment of seagull droppings from 10 million Chinese seagulls.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday December 8th
2018.

And down in Mexico City, the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was engaging in tantric sex with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec (who had dyed her hair blonde for a TV commercial she had been appearing in)

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Michelangelo Names The Winners of The 2018 U.S. Midterms

November 5, 2018 at 11:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, love, News, Politics, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

“It was 50 years ago today that Richard M. Nixon was elected President of the United States,” Amadeus Emanon read aloud from the This Day In History column.

“One thing I always liked about Nixon,” Renfield remarked as he fed his goldfish called Checkers that a voter had given him, “is his insightful analysis in his statement, “That whole Bohemian Grove thing is the faggiest god damned thing you can imagine. I never shake hands with anybody who comes from San Francisco anymore.” And as a result of Nixon’s advice, I’ve never ever shaken hands with anybody who comes from San Francisco.”

“Well, that would certainly prevent you from picking up any Nancy Pelosi girl fleas,” Amadeus noted.

“Or dog fleas either,” Renfield rubbed the fur of the Set household’s pet cat Nefertiti Galore.

“Wasn’t the Bohemian Grove the place where Henry Kissinger went running around nude in the woods?” Amadeus asked.

“Yes and a bunch of California redwood trees have been treated for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder ever since,” Renfield remarked as he received a nude photo text message from Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh that had just the opposite effect that Kissinger had on the trees.

As both the goldfish Checkers and the cat Nefertiti Galore went into their respective states of shock upon seeing Renfield’s bulging erection, Amadeus remarked, “I see the psychic lobster Michelangelo has named the winners of tomorrow’s U.S. midterm elections.”

Amadeus had just received a text message from Dr. Cadbury Rocher down at the Set Enterprises lab.

“And who will the winners be?” asked Renfield who being genetically created in a lab had no mother to warn him about what physical activities might cause blindness.

Amadeus putting on a pair of welder’s dark glasses replied, “It was rather strange. Michelangelo in rather vague Delphi oracle like terms said “Both Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders will come out the winners.”

“Maybe what that means,” Renfield ejaculated both wisdom and a more physical substance, “is that the Republicans will maintain control of the House or the Senate or both while of those Democrats who are elected, a great many of them will support Bernie Sanders for the Democratic Presidential Nomination in 2020.”

“You might have something there,” Amadeus admitted.

“What I need right now,” Renfield stumbled around, “is the phone number for the nearest optometrist. I feel the need to book an appointment.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday November 5th
2018.


The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith in a poster warning about the hazards of snow blindness.

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Cooking With Ricardo: A Short Story

May 29, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Short Story) (, , , , )

Cooking With Ricardo: A Short Story

The Food Channel on television in North America had just started a new program called Cooking With…

Each week would feature a new guest chef 👩‍🍳 👨‍🍳.

And the program for that day would be called Cooking With… whatever the guest chef’s name was.

For example, if the guest chef’s name was Carmen, the program would be called Cooking With Carmen. 👩‍🍳

If the guest chef’s name was Antoine, the program would be called Cooking With Antoine. 👨‍🍳

If the guest chef happened to be a politician of some sort or other, the program would be called Cooking With Gas.

Today’s program was called Cooking With Ricardo.

Food Channel Announcer: Welcome to today’s guest chef episode on the food channel Cooking With Ricardo. And now… here’s our guest chef… Ricardo.

Guest Chef: Today, I’m going to show you how to cook Vietnamese Style Pork Chops. Yes if you’re Donald Trump and you’ve just invited the President of the Islamic Republic of Iran 🇮🇷 over to your White House to bury the hatchet, nothing will seal friendlier relations between the Iranian and U.S. governments in the future than a delicious 😋 meal of Vietnamese style pork chops. While you’re at it, invite Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu over for dinner as well. I’m sure Vietnamese Style Pork Chops would be considered very kosher by the leading Orthodox rabbis in Israel.

(The guest chef emits a loud belch)

Guest Chef: Excuse me. That Johnnie Walker whisky 🥃 tasted as good coming up as it did going down. Now, I got this recipe for Vietnamese Style Pork Chops from my former Vietnamese girlfriend Ho Babylon Minh who broke up with me for some reason after watching her first Ron Jeremy porn film. She claimed Ron Jeremy had something I didn’t. I don’t know what that is. She also broke up later on with a house painter named Bill Campbell for the same reason.

Now for the Vietnamese Pork Chops Ho Babylon Minh style you use 4 pork chops although you can use other kinds of meat 🍖 🥩 as well as I sometimes do.

Okay,

The ingredients-

4 pork chops- bone 🍖 about 1 inch thick although Ho preferred her bones a lot thicker.
2 red bell peppers 🌶 seeded and quartered.
1/3 cup mirin.
2 tbsp rice vinegar.
1 tbsp sambal oelek or to taste (Ho told me I didn’t have any).
1 English cucumber 🥒 seeded and cut into small sticks.
2 cups thinly sliced red cabbage.
Hoisin sauce (optional).
Salt and pepper.

Directions-

1- Preheat the grill setting the burners to High. Brush oil onto the grate.

2- Oil the meat and bell peppers then season with salt and pepper.

3- Grill the meat about 5 minutes on each side or until medium rare. Set aside on a plate and let rest for 5 minutes.

4- Meanwhile grill the peppers on each side.

5- In a small bowl combine the mirin, rice vinegar and sambal oelek.

6- Place the chops on serving plates. Serve with the cucumber and roasted peppers. Add the red cabbage over the vegetables. Drizzle with the dressing. Serve with a little hoisin sauce if desired.

(The guest chef then emits a loud belch)

Guest chef: I’d like to thank my assistant Johnnie Walker for helping me get through this program. I’d like to thank the Food Channel for having me. And I’d like to thank you the television audience for inviting me into your home (I still miss Ho Babylon Minh’s place). This will probably be the first and last episode of Cooking With Ricardo that you’ll ever see.

Food Channel Announcer: You’ve got that right, Ricardo.

Guest chef: Oh, I’m not Ricardo.

Food Channel Announcer: You’re not Ricardo? Who the Hell are you then?

Guest chef: I’m Umberto his former friend.

Food Channel Announcer: Where the Hell is Ricardo?

Umberto (holding up a bone 🍖): Well, here’s a piece of him here. (Holds up another bone 🍖) And here’s another piece of him here.
(Smiles at the camera 🎥) I’m Umberto your guest chef and I’ve been cooking with… Ricardo.

-A short story written by
Christopher
Tuesday May 29th
2018.

Ho Babylon Minh: Former girl friend of today’s guest chef

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