Qonzilqointec and Set Vs. Horus and Soros

July 1, 2020 at 10:31 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )


The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec crossing a street in London

Seconds after crossing the street, a multiple vehicle pile up was reported on that same London street as over 40 vehicles had rear ended and fender bendered one another.

UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson was 3 hours late for his massage appointment at Lulu’s Massage Parlour.

Qonzilqointec hailed a taxi on another street where she was driven to the London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set to discuss George Soros’ $33 million funding of the Black Lives Matter Organization.

The Black Lives Matter Organization (as opposed to the Black Lives Matter Movement which was a hashtag social media collective) had been founded back in 2013 by 3 lesbians who were all Communists and had as their own personal herione a black woman who had shot and killed a New Jersey state trooper back in the early 1970s and then escaped from prison in 1979 to flee to Cuba where she had been living the high life in Havana the capital of the Castros’ Communist regime ever since.

On their About page, the Black Lives Matter Organization listed as one of their goals “the abolition of fatherhood and the nuclear family” and all children were to be raised by the state.

Transvestite blacks would also be given a special place of privilege in the global Marxist New Order that the Black Lives Matter Organization foresaw.

If only the great 1960s and 1970s comedian Flip Wilson and his TV character alter ego Geraldine had lived to see this.

“You recently discovered some information about Soros?” Qonzilqointec asked Set.

“He’s apparently formed an alliance with my nephew Horus,” Set sipped his tea.

“Really,” Qonzilqointec was not surprised.

“I understand Aleister Crowley who’s busy roasting away on his barbeque spit down in Tartarus is quite happy at the news,” Set helped himself to some barbeque spare ribs.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 1st
2020

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Origins of May The Fourth

May 4, 2020 at 10:00 pm (Entertainment, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Movies, Mystery, News, Science-Fiction, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Origins of May The Fourth

Back in the mid-1970s as George Lucas was holding auditions for the voice of Darth Vader for his upcoming Star Wars motion picture, among those auditioning for the voice role were writer and actor Truman Capote.

This was the line all audition participants were to speak when auditioning for the Darth Vader voice role, “May the Force be with you.”

Then it came Truman Capote’s turn to audition.

Truman Capote (speaking with his usual fruity lisp): May the fourth be with you.

Thinking that for a galactic villain whose voice was supposed to send chills down audience spines and make their blood run cold, the makers of Star Wars settled for the deep baritone voice of James Earl Jones instead.

However back in the early 2000s, an Australian with the popular nickname of Uncle Ernie found the Truman Capote audition video tape in an old Star Wars lunch box he found in some old cupboards in his backyard unregulated and illegal pharmaceutical manufacturing lab.

And a legend was born.

Since that time, May the Fourth became known as International Star Wars Day.

As May the Force Be With You became Truman Capote’s immortal May the Fourth Be With You.

. . .

“Beam me up, Scotty,” William Shatner spoke to his AI automated dispenser of his favourite brand of toilet paper as he sat on his starship throne.

. . .

Meanwhile in the catacombs of Paris, Marmalade Montague the eccentric former baker who had recently proclaimed himself Court Scientist to the Court of Louis Quatorze overheard a plot by a group of Grand Orient Lodge Freemasons to turn Notre Dame Cathedral into a New Age Freemasonic Temple.

Said the Grand Orient Lodge master, “I’ve been told by the Divine Falcon Headed Human Body Hybrid Horus himself that a world altering miracle will happen this coming May 14th.”

“That’s the same day Pope Francis told all the religions of the world to pray together isn’t it?” the Lodge secretary inquired.

“It is,” the Grand Orient Lodge master answered.

Marmalade Montague decided he better exit the catacombs before his presence was noted.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 4th 
2020.


The Greek goddess Aphrodite pointing downwards at a snake slithering along the floor of one of the Vatican Museum halls.

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Dracul and Draculina and Athena

June 23, 2018 at 10:54 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dracul and Draculina and Athena

After Dracul Van Helsing went to the TV studio where the Countess Draculina had been broadcasting, he let her know that her father Dracula was back from the dead and was now one of the living Undead again.

The old Transylvanian Count and Wallachian Prince had been in Syria fighting alongside the Kurds against invading Turkish forces.

Now he was wandering the streets of Istanbul along with the Byzantine vampiress Theodora and the Israeli Mossad agent code named the Controller of The Golem.

They were campaigning for opposition political parties running against megalomaniac President Recep Tayyip Erdogan and his Islamist party which were intent on restoring the Ottoman Empire.

Both the Presidential and Parliamentary elections were being held tomorrow in Turkey.

Now on this Saturday night, the trio were taking a break from campaigning and were enjoying a dinner of lahmacun and drinking Turkish coffee in an Istanbul cafe while they watched a wrestling match going on outside in the street between Cerberus the 3 headed dog of The Underworld and the ghost of Saddam Hussein.

Saddam’s ghost lost.

His ghostly arms and legs had been bitten off by Cerberus’ 3 heads.

Cerberus belched 3 times- one for each head.

The 3 Furies (aka the Erinyes aka the Eumenides) showed up in leather skirted dominatrix outfits and driving a combination black hearse and ambulance.

They picked up the howling Saddam and his separated limbs and stuck them in the back of the hearse/ambulance and headed back to the Underworld of Hades.

“You don’t see that everyday,” Dracula remarked to Theodora and the Controller of the Golem.

Coincidentally Draculina said the same thing to Dracul Van Helsing as she orgasmed for the umpteenth time as the vampire hunter gave her a lesson in tantric sex from the Kama Sutra.

Dracul and the vampiress weather forecaster were back in Dracul’s room in the old Carpathian Mountain inn.

A horse and carriage then showed up at the inn to drive Draculina to Bucharest Airport where she’d catch the evening flight from Bucharest to Istanbul.

“I’ve been to Istanbul before you know,” Draculina remarked as she put her dress back on, “my mother was Turkish you know.”

“I didn’t know that,” Dracul adjusted his tie, “so your father was a Wallachian Prince who’s best known in history for impaling Turks and yet your mother was Turkish.”

“Yes but he impaled her with flesh and not wood,” Draculina put on her pantyhose, “and that instrument gave her pleasure unlike the stakes my father used on the Turkish warriors.”

“I understand the same could not be said for Isis and Osiris on the night they conjugally conceived Horus since Isis couldn’t find Osiris’ phallus after Set had cut him up into 14 pieces and so they were forced to use a phallus made of wood,” Dracul reflected aloud.

“Ouch,” Draculina winced.

“No wonder they’re always showing the Eye of Horus everywhere,” Dracul noted, “what is mistaken for Illuminati symbolism is actually the Egyptian deity advertising for a good ophthalmologist somewhere who can actually get the splinters out of his eye.”

Meanwhile in Damascus, Syria, Syrian President Bashar al-Assad received a phone call on his Hermes Trismegistus smart phone.

“Yes, I did study ophthalmology in London,” Bashar replied to the caller’s question.

“Splinters eh?” Bashar took notes.

In another one of the palace rooms, the head of the Syrian Orthodox Church was chanting the Gospel passage of the day for a small group of Christians who worked in the palace – “Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:5)

“How’s your name spelled?” Bashar asked, “Horus? Would that be like the Egyptian god? It would. Well if you can drop around the palace tomorrow…”

After the coach and horse had picked up Draculina, Dracul went for a walk in the woods near the Inn.

There he came across the Greek goddess Athena looking pensive.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday June 23rd
2018.

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3-D Printing The Temple of Solomon

March 28, 2018 at 10:35 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Religion, Science-Fiction, Technology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

3-D Printing The Temple of Solomon

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sitting alone in his parliamentary office.

The ghost of Sir Winston Churchill wasn’t present because he was being forced to attend a ghostly cocktail party in Purgatory at which the ghost of Lady Astor would be present.

“Like Hamlet’s father’s ghost in Shakespeare’s famous Danish play,” Churchill roared in a paraphrase of Hamlet’s spectral paternal parent, “it is at parties like these where the bad things I did in my days of nature are thoroughly punished.”

“Well, it could be worse,” the atheist Renfield, with no belief in Purgatory, remarked sympathetically, “you could be in Tartarus where Hitler’s ghost is.”

Renfield was unaware that Hades the god of the Underworld had temporarily released Hitler’s spirit from Tartarus at the request of the Norse/Germanic god Odin/Wotan (Churchill’s ghost was likewise unaware of Hitler’s reprieve at the hands of Persephone’s husband).

Hitler’s spirit had entered the body of a grey wolf 🐺 and was currently hanging out with the anti-Semitic ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith as well as paying the occasional visit to Vladimir Putin although Putin was unaware that the grey wolf was possessed by Hitler’s ghost.

Speaking of Hitler and Putin, Renfield was quite pleased with himself because earlier today he had hacked into Russia’s state run television network and put in an image of Vladimir Putin with Hitler’s moustache and haircut that appeared on the TV screen whenever the network ran a news story where the Russian leader was mentioned.

Putin was absolutely livid and furious when he found out and gave the order to all of 🇷🇺 Russia’s intelligence services to find the one responsible and bump that person off with the Novichok nerve agent (at the same time as Putin issued the directive, Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov was giving a press conference in which he emphatically denied that Russia 🇷🇺 was in current possession of the nerve agent).

Renfield had tossed a few bread crumbs to the Russian intelligence services in his speech in the Commons today by continuously referring to Putin as “the Slavic Hitler” in his speech but so far the Russian agencies did not have an intellectual equivalent of Britain’s Sherlock Holmes to pick up on the Renfieldian hints.

Neither for that matter did America’s intelligence services since Donald Trump did not tweet about the subject.

Meanwhile Renfield R. Renfield was currently examining an MI-5 and MI-6 report on a British company called Palmyra Analytica.

The reason Renfield read the report as soon as he heard about it was because his creator Dr. Cadbury Rocher of Set Enterprises was currently doing freelance consulting work for Palmyra Analytica.

Dr. Rocher was building a 3-D printer for Palmyra Analytica.

The 3-D printer when completed would be capable of producing an exact copy (down to the smallest and most exact detail) of the original Temple of Solomon built by Solomon himself.

Renfield was horrified to discover when reading the report that Palmyra Analytica was in fact owned by a front company that was owned by his former boss Set’s arch enemies the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis and the Rome-based Egyptian vampire Osiris.

“Why,” Renfield wondered to himself, “do Isis and Osiris want to rebuild Solomon’s original Temple?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 28th
2018.

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Egyptian Vampiric God of Darkness Set On An Evening In Berlin 1927

February 10, 2017 at 1:17 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

It was the year 1927 and the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was living in Berlin.

It had been almost 9 years years since Set had had his tomb in Egypt dug up by British archaeologist Dr. Edgar Lovecraft Ashbury back on November 11th 1918 (the same day that the Armistice had been signed ending the Great War- the war that later generations would call the First World War).

Set was living in a luxurious Berlin apartment with his girlfriend the famous 1920s Berlin dominatrix the Baroness Erika Von Sade.

Set felt quite at home in the decadence and debauchery of 1920s Berlin.

It would have been what Egypt would have been like if he had been allowed to rule the land instead of his brother Osiris. He had of course bodily dismembered his goodly goody two shoes (made of Nile River reeds) brother Osiris. But unfortunately his sister and sister-in-law (for she was Osiris’ wife) Isis had found all the body parts of Osiris (save one) and put Osiris back together again.

Osiris tried to be a good Pharaoh again but it just wasn’t the same since he fell to pieces (or rather was carved to pieces by his brother Set).

Isis never did recover Osiris’ severed phallus. And his wooden phallus (by which he and Isis managed to conceive their son Horus) didn’t quite feel like the real thing (to quote a Coca-Cola ad from the distant future).

So Osiris wrote a sad song whose lyrics in ancient Egyptian said, “I’m not half the man I used to be” (the lyrics were later translated into English by the Beatles in the 1960s). Osiris later fell into a deep sleep under a black magic spell cast by Set who exiled his brother to a planet near the star Sirius for a few thousand years.

Horus, to avenge his father Osiris, buried Set alive in a tomb for a few thousand years.

Then that tomb had been dug up by Dr. Edgar Lovecraft Ashbury in 1918.

Set had escaped, gone into the U.S. bootlegging business with Al Capone, made a killing (his partner Big Al had made even more killings) and was using the proceeds to live the high life in Berlin.

Set was getting dressed to go out for a night on the town in Berlin on this particular evening in 1927.

“Which cabaret will you be visiting tonight, sir?” His valet Hans Franz Benz asked him.

“I’m not sure, Hans,” Set selected the red tie to go with the colour of his victims’ neck bites and the resulting liquid flow.

“I believe your favourite lounge singer Marlene Dietrich is singing at one of the clubs tonight, sir,” Hans tied the tie for Set.

“Really? I’ll have to go to that club,” Set decided not to go with the wooden shoes from Holland on the off chance some vampire hunter might use one of his shoes for a wooden stake.

“Did you spend the day sleeping in your sarcophagus, sir,?” Hans inquired.

“No, I did spend it indoors out of the sun,” Set replied, “I was in an auditorium listening to that dynamic young politician from Bavaria speak.”

“Would that be Adolf Hitler, sir?” Hans selected a pair of black boots with Death’s Head shoe laces.

“That’s the man,” Set smiled showing a huge pair of vampiric incisors, “he says he’s going to make Germany great again.”

“That’s good to hear, sir,” Hans put Set’s arms through his vest.

“I always admire political leaders who are going to make their country great again,” Set selected the gold cufflinks inscribed with the Napoleonic N in a Roman laurel leaf crown.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 8th
2017.

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Set Sees An Optometrist

March 29, 2016 at 7:48 pm (Commentary, Culture, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Set Sees An Optometrist

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set entered through the front door of his colossal London mansion.

His valet Athelstan stood there to put away his black top hat, his black cape and black jackal headed walking stick.

Set growled when, on the dresser at the entrance, he noticed the evening headline of The Times of London-Pope Francis Enjoys Eating Lebanese Donairs With Egyptian God Osiris At High Altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica.

“What’s that in your hand, Boss?” a donair eating Amadeus Emanon asked the billionaire Egyptian vampire as he entered the sitting room.

“It’s a prescription,” Set replied as he put the piece of paper down on a desk.

“Prescription?” Renfield R. Renfield looked up from the cup of Bavarian Magic Mushroom laced tea that he was drinking, “You doing drugs again, Boss?”.

“No, it’s an optical prescription,” Set answered, “from an optometrist. It’s a prescription for a new pair of glasses.”

“You need glasses, Boss?” Amadeus wondered where his dropped crumb of donair had got to against the background of the floor’s Persian carpet.

“Yes, I do,” Set snorted through his nostrils.

“Admittedly, sir,” Athelstan stated sympathetically, “the size of writing they use in Egyptian hieroglyphs these days leaves a lot to be desired.”

“You shouldn’t have got a prescription for glasses, Boss,” Renfield inhaled his tea the way an 18th Century English gentleman would have inhaled snuff, “you’d look much better with contact lenses.”

“And how am I suppose to put contact lenses in my eyes every night without looking like a post-paternity discovering and post-maternity discovering Oedipus Rex?” Set held up his 66 inch fingernails.

“Good point,” Renfield answered.

“Actually it would be a bad point,” Amadeus quipped, “if he tried putting a contact lens in his eye.”

Renfield blamed the magic mushroom laced tea for suddenly analyzing situations with the mental capacity of your average voter in rural British Columbia.

Amadeus sang Handel’s Hallelujah Chorus when he successfully found the crumb of donair on the Persian carpet.

“So Renfield, did you get that text message I sent you earlier this evening?” Set asked as he helped himself to a bowl of human fingers.

“I did, Boss,” Renfield acknowledged.

“What message was this, Boss?” Amadeus started filing his finger nails with his nail file.

“I ran into Sherrielock Holmes earlier this evening,” Set explained, “which reminds me, Athelstan, would you mind leaving a tube of medicinal ointment by my sarcophagus this morning and also ask my lovely Filipino nurse to be on standby to apply the said ointment to my said buttocks?”.

“Of course, sir,” Athelstan bowed.

“Getting back to the message,” Set proceeded to answer Amadeus’ question, “Sherrielock Holmes informed me that my nephew Horus was actually depicted in Egyptian hieroglyphs with the head of a hawk not a falcon. When I heard this, the thought hit me that I may have unjustly decapitated a back alley urinator the other night when I noticed a falcon headed spirit with an ancient Egyptian accent possessing his body. Sherrielock told me that it was actually the Egyptian moon god Khonsu who had the head of a falcon and so I thought maybe I had decapitated Khonsu’s earthly human vessel instead. I don’t want to alienate any other members in good standing of the Egyptian pantheon as I need all the allies I can get for my coming global war against Osiris and Isis and Horus. So I asked Renfield via text message who it was that had a falcon head among Egypt’s ancient deities and who had a hawk head? I asked him to do some research on the topic for me to illuminate me when I got home.”

“I went to the library and did some research on that very topic, Boss,” Renfield helped himself to a drumstick from a bucket of KFC, “but your illumination won’t come in the form of a membership application from the Illuminati as 99% of those members support the goals of Osiris and Isis and Horus in the coming global war.”

“That means I’m allied with Jesus of Nazareth of all people. How’s that for bloody irony?” Set spit a bloodied human hand (still holding on to a clothing iron) out of his mouth.

“Say, Boss,” Amadeus helped himself to the plate of crackers with caviar that Athelstan offered him, “surely you yourself should remember which deity had which head. Hawk or falcon? Horus or Khonsu? After all you’re taking the word of an admittedly extremely young looking and very attractive 162-year-old leather skirted dominatrix when you yourself are a vampire and Egyptian deity well over 3 millennia old and you knew these entities from the very beginning. Why text message Renfield to do research on the topic? Why not use your own memory?”.

“Because,” Set raged and foamed as he spit a mortal human tongue out of his mouth, “like I’ve always told you whenever you constantly ask me why I’m using 2 totally different colours of nail polish on each hand, I’ve been suffering from extreme dementia ever since I watched that A & E documentary on the lives of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Kim Kardashian last year.”

“And that,” Renfield smiled, “is why the Boss no longer trusts his memory. That’s why he asked me to research the matter of Horus and Khonsu and who was hawk and who was falcon. That’s also why he’s asked me to manage his banking and chequing accounts as he goes through this difficult period.”

Amadeus looked out the window at the new BMW that Renfield had bought himself earlier this week and was now parked on the driveway.

“So,” Renfield put on his reading glasses and flipped through his notebook to read Set what he had discovered on this subject, “Apparently whether Horus was falcon headed or hawk headed depended on which hieroglyphs were being used in which district of Egypt. Horus was often depicted with the head of a falcon and in other places he was depicted with the head of a hawk. Even Khonsu (that Miss Sherrielock Holmes mentioned as being falcon headed) was depicted in many districts of Egypt as having the head of a hawk. So it all depended on which district of Egypt you were living in and what particular hieroglyphic image was being used.”

“I wonder what boiled tana leaves taste like,” Amadeus mused aloud about the variety of ancient Egyptian leaves that were used to keep the mummy Kharis alive in the Universal Pictures Mummy horror films of the early 1940s.

“So in your opinion, Renfield,” Set ignored the question posed by Amadeus’ filmographical botanical culinary musings, “which of those two deities was most likely to have a falcon head and which was most likely to have a hawk head?”.

“Well in my humble opinion,” Renfield adjusted his I’m The World’s Greatest Lover t- shirt, “it was usually Horus who was depicted as falcon headed most of the time and Khonsu who was depicted as hawk headed.”

“So then Sherrielock Holmes was wrong?” Set queried.

“Yes,” Renfield nodded, “but I wouldn’t say that aloud to her unless you wanted to have trouble sitting down for the next century.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 4th
2016.

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A Channel For Horus

March 26, 2011 at 8:49 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , )

Trevor Fontaine was an investment banker and one of the world’s biggest financiers.

But a man who remained in the shadows and operated behind the scenes.

Trevor Fontaine was also a vampire.

He had been turned into a vampire back in the early 1940s by the Egyptian vampiress Isis.

When Isis first discovered him in New York City back in the early ’40s, Fontaine was a promising young con man and swindler who worked as a used car salesman.

Fontaine had thought about going into politics but Isis talked him into a world of even greater power- the world of finance and investment banking.

Trevor Fontaine managed Isis’ financial portfolio and dealt with billions and billions of dollars every day.

When the global financial meltdown of autumn 2008 hit, Isis’ financial portfolio remained pretty much intact (unlike Isis’ brother and brother-in-law the evil Egyptian vampire billionaire Set who had spent a couple of years as a mere multi-millionaire evil vampire rather than a billionaire evil vampire after the ’08 global economic meltdown. It was only a lucky bet on Spain winning the World Cup in South Africa and also marrying a vampiress who was the heiress to the Romanov billions that made Set a billionaire again).

And one of the reasons Isis’ financial portfolio remained intact was the astuteness of Trevor Fontaine.

In addition to his wise investment choices, Fontaine also served as the channel for the spirit of Isis’ dead son Horus.

Like his mother Isis, his father Osiris and his Uncle Set, Horus too had been turned into a vampire by the ancient Mesopotamian vampiress Lilith.

3000 years ago, Horus had buried his Uncle Set alive in a tomb in Egypt.

This after Set had used an ancient Egyptian black magic spell to exile his father Osiris to a planet near the star Sirius (although the spell did have an expiry date on it- the ancient Egyptian equivalent of 2012 A.D.).

Set’s tomb had been discovered in Egypt in 1918 and when the tomb was officially re-opened on November 11th, 1918 (which coincidentally was the same date as the Armistice which ended the hostilities of World War I), some Oxford trained Egyptologist had unwittingly allowed Set to escape and once again wreak havoc upon the world.

Horus as a vampire had been killed after being impaled with a wooden spear through the heart wielded by the great Roman general Pompey in 48 BC who hadn’t taken kindly to a remark Horus had made to him, “Pompey, I’ve known gods, I’ve met gods, Pompey, you’re no god.”

His decision to kill Horus led the Egyptian vampiress Isis to support Julius Caesar in the Roman Civil War against Pompey.

A factor that proved favourable to Caesar.

Pompey ended up being assassinated in Egypt on September 29th, 48 BC.

And now poor Horus’ spirit was confined to the Underworld.

But Trevor Fontaine’s mother had been a spiritist medium and her son inherited the gift.

So in addition to his financial savvy, Fontaine also had the ability to channel Horus for Isis.

Another factor that had led Isis to choose Fontaine as the de facto head of her financial empire.

Now Trevor Fontaine sat in his London hotel room anxious not to go outside lest he be confronted by demonstrators who were protesting British Prime Minister David Cameron’s severe austerity measures and public service cutbacks.

As a financier and investment banker, the crowd would not take too kindly to him.

To be sure, Fontaine was a shadowy figure not very well known to the public at large but there was always the possibility that someone out there might see and recognize his shadow.

To be continued.

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