Asmodeus, Assholes, Pot Smoking Demons and Carolina Moon

September 13, 2018 at 10:54 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Asmodeus, Assholes, Pot Smoking Demons and Carolina Moon

Former Canadian Prime Minister Brian Mulroney was (and still is) an asshole.

Probably the biggest asshole ever to occupy the office of Prime Minister of Canada (the second biggest asshole being the current Prime Minister Justin’s Marxist father Pierre Elliot Trudeau).

Every few years asshole Mulroney will crawl out of the woodwork just on the off chance the Canadian people have forgotten what a total moron he was and say something outrageously stupid to remind them.

A couple of days ago, asshole Mulroney crawled out of the woodwork to do just that.

While Mulroney’s two heavenly former guardian angels held an invisible spiritual dunce cap over his head, the former Prime Minister said he never approved of the Notwithstanding clause in the Canadian Constitution and attacked Ontario Premier Doug Ford for using it.

In an outburst of vocal flatulence, the former Prime Minister said he didn’t like the idea of a constitutional clause being used to override a decision of the Supreme Court of Canada.

It was precisely because of idiotic Supreme Court judges appointed by idiotic Prime Ministers like Mr. Bulroney (which is the way his name should be properly pronounced) and the two Trudeaus (pot smoking son and Marxist father) that the 8 Premiers who were opposed to Swinging (from the Maoist and Castro jungle branches) Pierre Elliot agreed to an entrenched Charter of Rights (which Pierre Elliot had modeled on Soviet dictator Josef Stalin’s high sounding and noble words declaring Charter of Human Rights enshrined in the Soviet Constitution of the USSR which history knows how genuinely successful that was) in the Canadian Constitution provided that Federal and Provincial governments have the power to override idiotic decisions by unelected judges (appointed as patronage appointments by idiotic political leaders) through the use of a Notwithstanding clause.

Unfunny clown 🤡 Bulroney seemed to have forgotten the fact that he had used an obscure clause in the original 1867 Constitution (that had never been previously invoked in Canada’s entire history until the unfortunate advent of asshole Bulroney) to stack the Canadian Federal Senate with a bunch of political hacks and Bulroney butt-kissing bozos in order to pass the most stupid tax ever created in Canadian history- the GST.

The Canadian senate in 1990 had announced that they were going to vote against Bulroney’s idiotic GST and kill the bill.

Thereupon the ass scratching Mulroney’s legal team found the obscure clause in the original 1867 Canadian Constitution which allowed the rash asshole Bulroney to stack the Senate with his own brown nosed and butt kissing supporters.

Also opposed to Ontario Premier Doug Ford’s use of the Notwithstanding clause was former Ontario Premier Bill Davis a man who was a great admirer of Marxist Pierre.

In fact Bill Davis was only one of two Premiers who supported Pierre in repatriating the Constitution with an entrenched Charter of Rights (the other Provincial Premier was Richard Hatfield the then marijuana pot smoking Premier of New Brunswick who was once caught with marijuana in his possession while flying on a plane ✈️ with Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II). The other 8 provincial premiers were opposed to it.

Joining Brian Bulroney and Bill Davis in condemning Doug Ford’s use of the Notwithstanding clause were the major consumers of recreational Canadian cannabis- those who worked in Amnesty International’s Canada office who saw a moral equivalency between Doug Ford using the Notwithstanding clause to reduce the size of Toronto City Council and the way Syrian President Bashar al-Assad treats his political opponents.

After Bulroney made his announcement condemning the Notwithstanding clause, he was immediately kicked in his minuscule sized balls by DARPA contract assassin Panty Goatee (the genetically created twin sister of DARPA contract assassin and lovable serial killer Pan Goatee).

She had been hired by the International Federation of Vampire Hunters to do so.

This month’s Acting President of the International Federation of Vampire Hunters was the Alberta born and raised Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

. . .

Pope Francis thought he could smell cigarette smoke 💨 as he closed his bedroom door.

Sure enough, that’s what it was.

The nicotine addict and cigarette smoking demon Asmodeus was lying in Pope Francis’s bed smoking a cigarette and reading National Geographic magazine.

“Hope you don’t mind me smoking in here,” Asmodeus wheezed before coughing a heavy smoker’s cough, “but Lilith was complaining that the smoke 💨 was bothering her so I came in here to smoke.”

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was currently visiting the ancient Phoenician vampiress Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal at the Vatican to discuss their mutual plans for the Middle East.

“No, I don’t mind,” Pope Francis coughed through the thick clouds ☁️ of smoke 💨.

“A most jolly good fellow you are,” Asmodeus belched as he drank his quadruple cream and quadruple tablespoonful of sugar mocha latte cafe coffee ☕️.

“Thank you,” said Pope Francis who was not used to receiving compliments these days.

“Say, do you think I should buy some reefers of recreational Canadian cannabis and start smoking that when they become legal?” Asmodeus licked the marshmallow cream moustache from underneath his nose, “do you think it will help me overcome my nicotine addiction?”.

“It might,” Pope Francis admitted.

“Say, what is the Papal position on demons smoking marijuana in your bed by the way?” Asmodeus asked out of curiosity.

“I’m not quite sure,” Pope Francis picked up his copy of the book Catholic Dogmatic Theology For Dummies that lay on his night table, “I’ll have to look it up.”

. . .

Hurricane Florence was about to hit the coast of the Carolinas.

Inside the eye of the storm doing a whirling dervish dance 💃🏻 was the Italian Renaissance vampiress Florence De Medici.

As she danced and twirled, Signora Florence De Medici sang, “Carolina moon keep shining, Shining on the one who waits for me…”

The Italian Renaissance vampiress Florence De Medici in her gardens on her palatial Estate in the Italian city of Florence in her pre-hurricane days.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday September 13th
2018.

Permalink 18 Comments

Pan Goatee’s Aesthetics, Vladimir Putin’s Military Exercises, Hurricane Florence, The Unknown Drone and The Autumn of Terror

September 11, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel, war) (, , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee’s Aesthetics, Vladimir Putin’s Military Exercises, Hurricane Florence, The Unknown Drone and The Autumn of Terror

There seemed to be a major disruption on the public transit train system.

Some idiot wearing a red spider monkey fur toupee (like his hero and American idol) actually suffered from the delusion that he would come out the winner if he crossed in front of a train at a train/pedestrian railway crossing.

He was of course wrong.

And as a result of the self-centered narcissistic idiot’s intense unbelievable stupidity, the inconsiderate asshole had tied up the entire public transit railway system throughout the city.

“I hope they remember to bury the idiot face downwards,” Pan Goatee remarked to a businessman waiting at the same train station as himself.

Finally Goatee got sick of waiting and decided to walk to a train station further up the line.

As he walked up the street, some fat ugly white blimp tried to walk in front of him.

He immediately beheaded the obese creature.

He decided to cut her up into 666 quintillion pieces for good measure.

As he was in a hurry to get home, he decided not to locate an environmentally unfriendly plastic garbage bag, pour gasoline on it and burn down a drug gang neighbourhood today.

The drug gang neighbourhoods were safe at the moment.

Goatee arrived at a public train transit station about 3 stations up the street.

It was another 2 minutes before his train arrived.

The train finally arrived and Goatee boarded it.

“There don’t seem to be too many ugly looking female idiots riding it at this time,” Goatee thought to himself as he looked around which was unusual for this city, “that’s a good thing.”

Goatee then got off at the stop where he would catch the bus that would take him directly in front of the apartment building where he lived.

As he stood there at the bus stop, some fat ugly white blimp tried to get on in front of him.

He quickly elbowed the fat ugly white blimp out of the way.

“Amazing how many of the fat ugly creatures in this city are Caucasian,” Goatee said aloud much to the fat ugly white blimp’s displeasure.

As if the Fates decided to make a liar 🤥 out of him, a fat ugly South Asian woman exited the bus right in front of him.

Not liking being made a liar out of, Goatee immediately beheaded the woman and cut her up into 666 quintillion pieces.

He then turned around and beheaded the fat ugly white blimp for good measure likewise cutting her up into 666 quintillion pieces.

As some people started to freak out and scream at the bus stop 🚏, Goatee decided he better leave.

DARPA probably wouldn’t like the bad publicity.

. . .

Russian President Vladimir Putin consulted with General Sukyur Kokerov his leading military commander in Siberia on how the largest Russian military exercises since the Cold War were going.

When first announcing the military exercises, Putin’s leading female FSB agent the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva had put out the disinformation story that the exercises would be conducted in the eastern Mediterranean off the coast of Syria 🇸🇾 causing U.S. President Donald Trump to take a major dump in his pants.

This information was reported to the FSB by Trump’s enema nurse 👩‍⚕️ who was a Russian agent.

Being an enema nurse to Trump was a difficult job as the Donald was full of it.

Putin was going to recommend that she receive The Medal of Saint Vladimir when her service for the Motherland ended.

. . .

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was on her smart phone to her spiritual goddaughter the Renaissance Italian vampiress Florence De Medici who was directing the Eye of the Storm of Hurricane Florence towards the Carolinas in the southern United States 🇺🇸.

Lilith spoke to Florence the words of Christopher Columbus to his crew,

“Sail on, sail on, sail on and on…”

. . .

Israel’s Mossad agent known as the Controller of The Golem was examining the remains of a crashed drone.

It didn’t appear to be a Russian, Turkish, Iranian, Saudi Arabian, American, French, British, Chinese or North Korean drone.

So who the Hell sent it? the Controller of The Golem wondered.

. . .

Inspector Depp of Scotland Yard had received a package 📦 with a bizarre set of photographs inside.

The photographs were all of bizarre looking ceramic figurine dolls all bearing the same caption.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday September 11th
2018.

Permalink 12 Comments

Notwithstanding The Hurricane Winds of Change

September 10, 2018 at 11:11 pm (Arts, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Music, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Notwithstanding The Hurricane Winds of Change

Amadeus Emanon was working to get an album of songs he had personally written produced by London music promoter Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell the CEO of Aulos Music and Recording Ltd.

It was helpful to Amadeus’ cause that it was his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (owner of Set Enterprises) who lent Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell the money to buy Aulos Music and Recording Ltd. for himself (Heathcliff had previously been Executive Vice-President of the company).

Of course Heathcliff probably would not have signed Amadeus to a recording contract despite that unless Amadeus had been both a talented songwriter and a talented singer.

Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell’s good friend the New Orleans vampiress and songstress Angelique Dumont (best known for her role as Christine Daae in many West End London theatre productions of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s The Phantom of The Opera since 2007) had highly recommended Amadeus Emanon.

Both Amadeus and Angelique were taking a break from their recording session at Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell’s Wuthering Heights and Glencoe Hospitality Recording Studios on London’s Abbey Road.

They were meeting with Amadeus’ good friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield in Lord Poseidon God of The Seas’ Unparalleled Fish ‘N Chips Shop – a favourite of Amadeus.

“So,” Renfield looked shocked as Amadeus ate only one plate of Fish ‘N Chips (Amadeus had been scolded quite a lot lately by Angelique Dumont to cut down on his large appetite since he would soon be appearing in a photo shoot for the cover of his new album), “It appears that our Alberta-based Canadian vampire hunter friend approves of Ontario Premier Doug Ford’s decision to use the notwithstanding clause of the Canadian Constitution to overrule Ontario Superior Court Justice Edward Belobaba’s decision to disallow Ford’s new legislation The Better Local Government Act. Not because Dracul approves of Doug Ford (whom he calls the Ontario Donald Trump) but because by becoming the first Ontario Premier to use the Notwithstanding clause he might finally encourage politicians in Canada to grow pairs of balls and start using the Notwithstanding Clause to give unelected liberal social activist judges the raspberry they so richly deserve. For too long these unelected judicial jackasses have been reading their own personal views into things the constitution doesn’t even mention and using it to advance their own perverted and degenerate social agenda. Proof positive Dracul notes that Doug Ford is right this one time is that the 2 far left wing liberal rags in Toronto- The Globe and Mail as well as The Toronto Star- appear to have their panties in a knot and are in one Hell of an outburst of whining and snivelling over the fact Ford is using the Notwithstanding Clause.”

“So that’s the way things now stand in Canada, eh?” Amadeus ate a piece of Maple Leaf bacon 🥓 while Angelique watched disapprovingly.

“And then Dracul notes smoking recreational marijuana becomes officially legal next month which should should bring many unelected liberal social activist judges out of their smoke 💨 filled closets where they get many of their ideas from,” Renfield remarked.

. . .

Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher was wondering why Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had blown so many mathematical equations while typing with his lobster claws on his waterproof underwater iPad in his lobster tank.

Usually Michelangelo was so good at being able to crack difficult mathematical equations that even the world’s most advanced computers 🖥 were incapable of cracking.

It was then that Dr. Rocher noticed the remaining stub of reefer of Canadian recreational cannabis at the bottom of Michelangelo’s lobster tank.

. . .

Renfield went back to the Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum dungeons where he was interrogating members of a rogue branch of Britain’s MI-6 who were plotting a chemical attack on civilians who were living in Idlib province in Syria to give NATO the excuse to take direct military action against Syrian President Bashar al-Assad’s Government in Damascus.

Renfield was getting the MI-6 operatives to talk by forcing them to watch (with very loud audio) home movie made videos of former Philippines 🇵🇭 First Lady Imelda Marcos singing songs to her husband former Philippines 🇵🇭 dictator Ferdinand Marcos as he lay comatose on his deathbed in a hospital in Honolulu, Hawaii on September 28th 1989 (doctors speculated that it was Imelda’s singing 🎤 that speeded up Ferdinand Marcos’ departure into the afterlife- no doubt figuring that Hell would be an improvement).

Every MI-6 operative that Renfield did this to immediately cracked and was soon singing like a canary.

Renfield brought in a wild nightingale from outside to join the MI-6 canaries in their singing.

. . .

Hurricane Florence now a category 4 hurricane was heading straight towards North and South Carolina.

Florence was a rare kind of hurricane in that, unbeknownst to NASA, the whirlwind in the hurricane was being directed by a vampiress.

The vampiress herself was named Florence.

Florence de Medici.

A vampiress who during her mortal life back in the Italian Renaissance had been an influential and powerful Florentine courtesan- Signora Florence de Medici.

A woman who had been turned into a vampiress by her unholy spiritual godmother- the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith- the mother of all vampires.

And now Florence was directing Florence against the Carolinas.

. . .

Flashback 109 years ago.

November 1909- King Edward VII of Britain had gone to a forest in a public park to meet with a woman.

But this was no ordinary woman.

She was a vampiress.

She was meeting with King Edward VII because she had shocking information (so she said) on what the King’s nephew the Kaiser Wilhelm II of Germany was planning.

King Edward VII walked through the bleak November forest until he came upon her:

The Countess Draculina- daughter of Dracula

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 10th
2018.

Permalink 7 Comments