Feast of The Beast 2017

March 23, 2017 at 6:06 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Inspector Depp of Scotland Yard showed Peter Whitstable (the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol) the video that had been shot in England’s Sherwood Forest in the early morning hours of the day.

“These men of course were involved in an illegal out of season hunt for which they’ll be charged- those who are still alive that is,” Depp explained, “but look what happens in the video.”

The hunters encounter a stag.

As the men raised their rifles, the stag stands up on its hind legs and in its forearms it carries a crossbow which it fires with lightning speed.

The arrows immediately kill 11 of the 13 huntsmen and leave the other two wounded.

“Who filmed the video?” Whitstable asked.

“Good question,” said Depp, “we have no idea. The video was left at the scene after a mysterious phone call to local police.”

“Interesting,” Whitstable looked at the video again.

“With your investigation of the unusual and the preternatural, have you ever encountered such a phenomenon?” Depp asked, “A stag firing a crossbow with rapid fire arrows (faster than bullets) at a group of hunters?”.

“I’ve heard rumours of it,” said Whitstable, “and from a painting I once saw in the Vatican Archives that dates back to the 15th Century, I believe I know who the stag is.”

“A 15th Century painting in the Vatican Archives lets you know who this stag is?” Depp was incredulous.

“It’s Cernunnos the horned Celtic god of animals and the underworld,” Whitstable explained.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 23rd
2017.

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Renfield Interrogates A Member of Boko Haram

May 10, 2014 at 7:38 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Interrogates A Member of Boko Haram

Inspector Depp of Scotland Yard had a very important prisoner down in the cell.

He was a member of the Boko Haram terrorist group who had been captured by British commandos in northeastern Nigeria.

The commandos captured the Islamist terrorist without help from members of the regular Nigerian military in the region (who were busy masturbating over watching American and Japanese porn films on their smart phones and tablets thanks to the help of a Google drone in the region providing high-flying wi-fi Internet access).

Inspector Depp’s task was to get the prisoner to reveal the whereabouts of the over 250 kidnapped Nigerian schoolgirls.

Inspector Depp’s knowledge and past experience had shown him that the best person to interrogate and extract information from total scumbags was none other than one Renfield R. Renfield who was the Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

. . .

Renfield R. Renfield was delighted to get the call from Inspector Depp of Scotland Yard.

It had been a few months since he had last interrogated and tortured anybody.

He didn’t want to lose his touch.

He was so happy about getting the call to interrogate somebody, he didn’t even finish the tuna fish sandwich he was eating (Renfield had a severe addiction to eating tuna fish sandwiches).

Instead he put it in a paper bag, put a combination lock on the bag (so no one else could get at it) and put the bag in the refrigerator and then promptly closed the refrigerator door.

He then grabbed his tool kit of torture instruments and put on his hat and coat while whistling the song Whistle While You Work.

As he ran out the door, he almost knocked over the white evening dress wearing New Orleans Vampiress Angelique Dumont who was here to go on a Saturday night dinner date with Renfield’s sole friend in the world Amadeus Emanon prior to her performing in a late evening performance of a new West London musical adaptation of the 1941 Lon Chaney Jr. movie The Wolfman in which she sang the role of Gwen Conliffe.

“Can’t talk now,” Renfield called out after her.

. . .

Renfield entered the cell where the Boko Haram prisoner sat.

Renfield slapped his tool kit down on the table and removed his instruments of torture while he continued to whistle the song Whistle While You Work.

The Boko Haram prisoner tried to look brave although his eyes kept growing wider each time Renfield removed an instrument from his tool box and kissed it.

“So,” Renfield smiled a wide smile at the prisoner, “I hear you black guys have 9-inch penises. Might be the reason why Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling hates you guys so much.”

The prisoner said nothing.

But smiled a big smile.

“Well,” Renfield grinned, “if it’s true, by the time I’m finished with you, you won’t have a 9-inch penis anymore.”

The prisoner stopped smiling.

. . .

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 10th
2014

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