From Steak To Matzah Balls To Peking Duck

June 26, 2019 at 11:00 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

From Steak To Matzah Balls To Peking Duck

In various places across the globe on June 26th 2019:

“How does one expect me to enjoy my steak dinner if the newspaper at my place at the dinner table has on it a photo of the bodies of an El Salvadorean migrant and his young daughter who drowned in a river on the U.S.-Mexico border?” Donald Trump called out to his British butler and valet, “Lexington, come and turn this paper over to the other side for me.”

Jared Kushner was eating matzah balls and talking by smart phone to his wife Ivanka Trump.

“I just don’t get these Palestinians,” Jared complained to Ivanka, “Here I am offering them a whole bunch of money in what your dad has wisely dubbed the “deal of the century” and all they seem to care about is a state of their own for some reason.”

China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping was enjoying a plate of Peking Duck and getting advice from his supernatural entity advisor known as the Black Dragon prior to heading to the G-20 Summit in Osaka, Japan.

“What’s with these members of the underground Catholic Church anyways?” Xi Jinping complained to the Black Dragon, “I thought after we signed that agreement with Pope Francis’ Vatican last September by which the Pope recognized the bishops in my Xi Jinping approved official Chinese Patriotic Catholic Church that members of the underground Catholic Church would be breaking down the doors to attend Mass in our official churches where the photo of my smiling face is placed pre-eminently above the figure of Christ on the Crucifix.”

“I don’t understand it, your Supreme Celestialness,” the Black Dragon addressed China’s paramount leader, “Very baffling indeed.”

“What was the name of that splendid Cardinal who negotiated the basis of what became the ecumenical deal of the century in my favour?” Xi asked, “And what’s become of him?”.

“His name was Theodore McCarrick,” the Black Dragon replied, “and back on February 13th of this year, he was laicized.”

“Why was such a splendid chap and churchman laicized?” Xi asked over his Peking Duck and wondered why it wasn’t pronounced Beijing?

“It turns out that he was a homosexual predatory priest who molested and raped altar boys and young seminarians for decades,” the Black Dragon replied, “Something that most of his fellow U.S. bishops and even Pope Francis knew about it. However when court prosecutors and state attorneys-general in the U.S. found out about it back on June 20th 2018, that’s when the shit hit the Vatican fan. After Pope Francis immediately replaced the fan, he decided to call an emergency summit of bishops for this past February to deal with the issue of clerical sex abuse.”

“So as a result of all that, McCarrick was laicized?” Xi was incredulous.

“And just a few days ago, it’s been discovered that McCarrick was also a Crowleyite Thelema practicing satanist along with Joseph Cardinal Bernardin the late Cardinal Archbishop of Chicago. Bernardin, like McCarrick, was also a homosexual predatory priest who molested and raped altar boys and young seminarians. Though Bernardin did rape an 8-year-old girl in a satanic ceremony in Charleston South Carolina when he was a young priest back in 1957. The details of which also became publicly revealed the last few days.”

“So you mean to say the members of the underground Catholic Church in China don’t like a Beijing-Vatican deal negotiated on their behalf by a molesting and rape practicing predatory priest who was also a practicing satanist?” Xi wanted to know.

“Apparently not, your Supreme Celestialness,” the Black Dragon answered.

“People never cease to amaze,” Xi bit into his fortune cookie when he suddenly remembered that was a San Francisco Chinese thing to do and not really a Beijing Chinese thing.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 26th
2019.

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Samael Satan Santa Muerte In The Midst of Hurricane Michael

October 10, 2018 at 11:15 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Samael Satan Santa Muerte In The Midst of Hurricane Michael

The fallen Archangel Samael (who was actually the entity called Satan in the Book of Job and not Lucifer the Devil) is in the middle of the vortex that is Hurricane Michael as it weaves its path of destruction.

Samael, who had been spending a great deal of time in Mexico where he was worshiped as the spectral figure of Santa Muerte (depicted as a female Saint since Samael dressed in drag for this apparition after having fallen prey to a psychoanalysis session conducted by the bisexual transgendered goat-Human hybrid demon god Baphomet) by the Mexican drug cartels, drug dealers and various drug gang members, had heard of the tropical storm that was named Michael.

Since Michael was his old nemesis who had thrown him out of Heaven (Michael having done the very same to the first rebellious Archangel Lucifer the Devil also called the Ancient Serpent and the Great Dragon), Samael decided to take revenge on his old nemesis by entering the eye of the tropical storm and turning it into a hurricane to wreak great destruction.

This would be his vengeance against Michael.

Hell hath no fury like a fallen Archangel thrown out of Heaven.

. . .

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was in his greenhouse inhaling marijuana smoke 💨 being exhaled by his genetically created pot smoking desert cactus 🌵 plant that he had named Strawberry Fields Forever.

He was also practicing a Guided Imagery Visualization exercise that he had read in a New Age book that came highly recommended by Oprah.

Then his spirit guide adviser appeared to him who was none other than Gali-Gula an ET Gray from the planet Nibiru who was possessed by the spirit of the ancient earthling Roman Emperor Caligula.

Only this time unlike his previous appearances, Gali-Gula had two heads instead of one.

“Wow, you have two heads,” said an impressed Justin, “Totally far out, man.”

“I don’t really have two heads,” Gali-Gula looked in the mirror to make sure, “Only you inhaled pot and practiced Guided Imagery Visualization at the same time. Something you should never do. Like drinking and driving, they don’t mix. That’s why you see me with an extra head.”

“Wow, imagine the shape I’d be in if I encountered a hundred headed hydra then,” Justin was starting to get a bad case of the munchies and ordered a super deluxe pizza 🍕 on his smart phone.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” Gali-Gula asked the Canadian Prime Minister.

“What did I want to talk to you about?” Justin scratched his second head as he looked at his reflection in the mirror, “Oh, what did you think of my saving the NAFTA Trade Deal at the last moment?”.

“You didn’t save the NAFTA Trade Deal at the last moment and the deal is now called the USMCA,” Gali-Gula answered as he sucked on a lollipop 🍭 as Strawberry Fields Forever hoisted a sailing ⛵️ ship mast on his prickly person and started to sing an old Shirley Temple song from the 1930s.

“I didn’t and it is?” Justin fell back on the greenhouse’s soft carpeted floor (the Prime Minister had ordered the greenhouse floor to be carpeted to prevent further head injury to himself), “Wow. This is really turning into the trip of a lifetime.”

“Yes, what happened is when the NAFTA talks with Canada were on the verge of collapse last week, your Foreign Affairs Minister Chrystia Freeland hired British dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes to tomato 🍅 Donald Trump’s buttocks and get him to do something to save the deal. After he was unable to sit down, Trump asked his son-in-law Jared Kushner to do something to save the talks. So Kushner went in at the last hour and saved the deal that became the USMCA,” Gali-Gula explained as he blew a twenty foot bubble with a piece of bubble gum.

“So it was Jared Kushner that saved our trade deal with the U.S.?” Justin sighed as the ET gray burst his bubble, “No wonder Ivanka turned down my marriage proposal.”

. . .

London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes was waiting outside Westminster Abbey where she was waiting for Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to show up.

Both Sherrielock and Dracul had been hired by Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to prevent a combined mermaid-Russian invasion of Israel.

As Dracul approached the lovely immortal dominatrix, Sherrielock said to him,

“Why, Dracul, what a big Cossack fur hat you have.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 10th
2018.

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Dashwood Forrest’s iPhone FaceTime Chat With Ivanka Trump

September 5, 2018 at 10:09 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Dashwood Forrest’s iPhone FaceTime Chat With Ivanka Trump

Dashwood Forrest the owner of The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London England was going to have an iPhone FaceTime chat with a good friend and good client Ivanka Trump the daughter of the U.S. President.

He had already dialled the number and Ivanka’s face appeared on his iPhone screen.

She appeared to be unaware that they had connected and was busy writing something down on a notebook.

She knocked the iPhone down on top of the notebook and Dashwood was getting an extremely close-up view of her writing.

Ivanka picked up the iPhone when she suddenly noticed she had a live connection.

“Dashwood, is that you?” She asked.

“Yes, it’s me, Dashwood Forrest, Dublin born and raised man about London town and gentleman Extraordinaire,” the Oscar Wilde admiring art historian replied.

Ivanka looked at her Rolex watch.

“I guess this was the time we said we were going to talk, wasn’t it?” She noted the time.

“It was,” Forrest answered.

“You didn’t by chance see what I had written in that notebook did you when I knocked my iPhone down on top of it?” Ivanka looked worried.

“No, the writing was a bit too close up for me to read anything,” Forrest answered.

“Thank God,” Ivanka looked relieved.

“Say, Mr. Forrest,” Mulligan the Irish zombie 🧟‍♂️ who was Dashwood Forrest’s living day manservant suddenly appeared in the room alongside Forrest holding a copy of The New York Times in one hand and a pint of Guinness in the other, “Did you read this anonymous editorial in The New York Times by some high-ranking Trump Administration official saying they’re working hard to protect the American people from Trump? I wonder who that person might be?”.

“Jesus,” Ivanka turned red and disconnected the call.

“Mulligan, I wish you wouldn’t wear that Nude Photo of Golda Meir t-shirt in public nor come barging into the office unannounced wearing it while I’m on FaceTime,” Forrest scolded, “you often frighten people off that way even more than your zombie 🧟‍♂️ look.”

Meanwhile at her desk, Ivanka wiped the perspiration off her forehead.

Meanwhile her father had just tweeted TREASON!

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 5th
2018.

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Reblog of Dashwood Forrest Meets Ivanka Trump

May 18, 2018 at 10:43 pm (Art, Arts, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Here’s a vampire novel chapter I wrote over a year ago:

Dracul Van Helsing

Dashwood Forrest stood in the middle of his hotel room dressed like Gainsborough’s Blue Boy and stared at himself in the full length mirror on the wall.

“I’m beginning to have some idea of how Narcissus must have felt when he saw his own reflection,” Dashwood swooned.

There was a knock at the door.

“Mulligan, would you please answer that,” Dashwood called out to his Irish zombie manservant, “and please put a towel over your head. I don’t want you frightening anybody like you did the cleaning staff this morning. It took a $50 tip to bring them back again.”

Mulligan put a towel over his head and went to open the door.

He crashed into several lamps on his way to find the door.

“Watch where you’re going, Mulligan!” Dashwood exclaimed.

“It’s rather difficult to see where I’m going wearing a towel over my head,” Mulligan complained as he…

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The U.S. Embassy Opens In Jerusalem On Israel’s 70th Anniversary As A Nation

May 14, 2018 at 11:55 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Egyptian vampiress Isis arriving at the opening of the U.S. Embassy in Jerusalem:

The U. S. Embassy Opens In Jerusalem On Israel’s 70th Anniversary As A Modern Nation

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu got a huge erection when he saw her.

The Egyptian vampiress Isis arriving at the opening of the U.S. Embassy in Jerusalem.

Coincidentally at the same time as he called U.S. President Donald Trump the “reincarnation of the Persian king Cyrus.”

In Rome, Pope Francis (who didn’t have an erection as he watched the ceremony on television) retrieved the Handbook of Catholic Christian Dogma from his garbage can (where he had placed it since his election to the Papacy) as he couldn’t remember whether the Catholic Church believed in reincarnation or not.

If it did, it could be a dogma he could deny at some future date.

U. S. President Donald Trump (when he began his address via television) likewise got an erection when he saw Isis arrive at the U.S. Embassy Jerusalem opening on his television monitor.

“At this very moment, you have absolutely no idea how much I want to be there in person…” Trump began.

Rudy Giuliani was meanwhile thinking of a prophecy about storms in the (cheque) Book of Daniels.

Several Hamas operatives smashed their motor vehicles into one another (killing each other in the process) upon seeing Isis (the nice knockers in a see-through dress vampiress not the terrorist group) arrive at the Embassy opening.

The famous London art gallery owner Dashwood Forrest who was a personal friend of Ivanka Trump was also there along with his living dead manservant Mulligan the Irish zombie.

Even though Dashwood Forrest was gay, he too was overcome with an erection upon seeing the sensuously beautiful young looking vampiress Isis.

I hope my boyfriend isn’t watching this at home, Forrest thought to himself as the BBC World News camera panned in on him.

Katy Perry’s lyrics “I kissed a girl and I liked it…” kept running through his mind.

“I hereby declare the U. S. Embassy in Jerusalem officially open on this 14th day of May in the Year of Our Lord 2018- the 70th Anniversary of the birth of the modern State of Israel 🇮🇱,” Ivanka Trump pronounced as she unveiled the plaque next to the Embassy front door.

Both Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Pope Francis winced when she used the term Year of Our Lord.

Ivanka Trump went over and hugged Dashwood Forrest after the plaque unveiling as soon as she saw him.

“Well,” Ivanka laughed a little taken aback after hugging the Oscar Wilde admiring London art gallery owner, “is that a paintbrush 🖌 in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?”.

She brushed off her white skirt.

“You’ve always had that effect on me, my dear,” Dashwood Forrest laughed.

“Suicide bomber,” Mulligan the Irish zombie shouted as soon as he saw him.

Mulligan landed on top of the Lebanese Hezbollah operative (who was wearing such dark sunglasses that he never noticed the extreme sunblock wearing vampiress Isis) just as he detonated the explosives.

As a result of Mulligan’s drunken heroic actions, the only ones injured in the explosion 💥 was the suicide bomber himself as well as Dashwood Forrest’s living dead Irish manservant who went totally to pieces as a result of the rescue.

Both Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan and Iran’s Supreme Leader the Ayatollah Ali Khameini cried in their beer 🍺 when they saw the death of the Hezbollah operative.

“I don’t think I’m quite dead yet,” the moving lips on the head of Mulligan the Irish zombie impersonated an Englishman believed to have succumbed to the bubonic plague in the movie Monty Python and The Holy Grail.

“Well,” Dashwood Forrest picked up one of Mulligan’s middle fingers, “this looks like a job for Dr. Cadbury Rocher.”

Meanwhile in London, Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher put on his Superman costume as he headed out to a Costume Ball in London on a lovely May evening.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 14th
2018.

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On Donald Trump and Losing One’s Sanity and Virginity At The Same Time

January 24, 2018 at 10:38 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , )

On Donald Trump and Losing One’s Sanity and Virginity At The Same Time

DARPA contract assassin and satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was being interviewed on a PBS talk show.

He was asked as a serial killer whose specialty was killing ugly looking women where was it that he found the greatest number of ugly looking women to kill.

Pan Goatee replied, “At feminist marches and parades.”

Not watching the PBS talk show (or any program found on PBS for that matter) was U.S. President Donald Trump.

Trump was sitting at his desk in the Oval Office twiddling his thumbs wondering what he should tweet about next.

Trump had a new employee working for him- a British born, raised and trained butler and valet named Lexington that his daughter Ivanka had hired for him.

Ivanka had hired Lexington in the hopes that this perfect British gentleman’s gentleman would be able to teach her father proper etiquette and good manners.

Lexington took the job but inwardly he thought to himself, “To teach your father proper etiquette and good manners is an absolutely impossible task even for someone like myself.”

Lexington came from a long line of impeccably good butlers and valets in his family.

In fact, Lexington’s first cousin Athelstan was butler and valet to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

Trump sat there playing solitaire at his desk when he realized that the deck of cards he was playing with didn’t have all the cards.

“Hey, Lexington,” Trump called out as the butler dusted around the office, “I’m not playing with a full deck.”

“Why don’t you tweet about it, sir?” Lexington suggested.

“An excellent idea 💡,” Trump agreed.

He immediately tweeted,

@realDonaldTrump
I’m not playing with a full deck.

Donald Trump then started playing with a bag of marbles on his desk (a present to him from a visiting school kid) when suddenly all the marbles slid off his desk and into the waste paper basket.

“Hey Lexington, I seem to have lost all my marbles,” Trump called out.

“Again, sir,” Lexington suggested, “why don’t you tweet about it?”.

“Another excellent suggestion, Lexington,” Trump smiled.

He then tweeted,

@realDonaldTrump
I seem to have lost all my marbles.

Trump decided maybe he should really get around to doing some Presidential work so he read a National Security Intelligence report (jointly put together by DARPA and the NSA) on a wiretap they had on a 3-way text messaging chat between a group of people who called themselves The 3 Blogoteers.

One of the Blogoteers Sherry asked the other 2 Blogoteers Hyperion and Dracul whether they had lost both their virginity and sanity at one and the same time.

“That’s actually a very good question,” Trump reflected out loud after reading the question to Lexington.

“And did you, sir,” Lexington inquired, “lose your sanity at the exact same time you lost your virginity?”.

“I can’t remember when I lost my virginity,” Trump stroked his chin thoughtfully.

“Or probably when you lost your sanity either,” Lexington said under his breath.

“I think I’ll play golf and eat at McDonald’s tomorrow,” Trump mused aloud.

“I believe tomorrow, sir, you’ll be attending the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland 🇨🇭,” Lexington reminded him.

“Oh,” Trump looked disappointed, “I guess that means I’ll have to eat Swiss cheese instead of good old American cheddar.”

“Look on the positive side, sir,” Lexington pointed out, “at least you’ll get to look at a mirror image of yourself when the cuckoo bird comes out of the cuckoo clock each hour.”

“Yes, always best to stay positive,” Trump nodded.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 24th
2018.

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Donald Trump and The Nostradamus Painting

October 2, 2017 at 5:36 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Donald Trump and The Nostradamus Painting

Donald Trump had recently been scolded by both his wife Melania and his daughter Ivanka for tweeting state secrets in public on Twitter.

They threatened to bring in world famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes into the Oval Office unless he started behaving.

So now the Trumpster was on the telephone ☎️ speaking to his U. S. Secretary of State Rex Tillerson rather than tweeting to him.

Meanwhile North Korean despot Kim Jong-un had ordered his scientists and engineers to go full speed ahead on the Hermit Kingdom’s nuclear program since it was obvious that the blowhard in the U.S. Oval Office wasn’t interested in a peaceful diplomatic solution to the crisis on the Korean Peninsula.

“I’m having Chicken 🍗 Testicles for lunch,” Trump harrumphed before putting the phone down.

One of his aides stood by the President’s desk shaking in his boots.

“Who the Hell are you?” Trump asked the aide.

“I’m the aide who replaced the aide you fired yesterday who replaced the aide you fired the day before who replaced…”

“All right, all right, don’t get your panties in a knot!” Trump shouted, “Little did I know when I ran for President, that each day in the Oval Office would be like an episode of The Apprentice where I’m saying to somebody, ‘You’re fired!’. What the Hell do you want anyway?”.

“Remember that oil painting by the seer Nostradamus that you got your daughter Ivanka to track down through that London art gallery dealer Dashwood Forrest?” The aide asked.

“The one that prophesied an Islamist terrorist attack on the Vatican,” Trump ran his fingers through his hair and a miniature red spider monkey 🐒 fell out, “the one that I gave as a gift 🎁 to Pope Francis earlier this year?”.

“Yes, well our DARPA computers have determined that the date Nostradamus prophesied for the attack is less than 2 weeks away,” said the aide, “Do you think we should warn Pope Francis?”

Trump shrugged his red spider monkey dandruff off his shoulders, “Why should we? It’s Pope Francis.”

Trump returned to Twitter where he tweeted more nasty remarks about the mayor of San Juan Puerto Rico 🇵🇷.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday October 2nd
2017.

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Dashwood Forrest and Pan Goatee In Calgary

March 29, 2017 at 5:30 pm (Commentary, Culture, Folklore, Horror, Mythology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

“What a place totally devoid of culture,” Dashwood Forrest the Oscar Wilde of the 21st Century said to his Undead butler and valet Mulligan the Irish zombie.

“I’d have to agree,” Mulligan the Irish zombie remarked. He had only spent less than 24 hours in the city and he was already forgetting how to recite Irish ballads and poetry.

“I imagine if one were looking for culture and learning in Calgary, one would probably only find it among certain people living in homeless shelters in a city such as this,” Dashwood Forrest sipped on his chocolate milkshake.

“I’d have to agree,” Mulligan the Irish zombie nodded, “and what extremely ugly women seem to live in this city. I’ve never seen such fat ugly looking specimens.”

Mulligan the Undead promptly died again as he looked out the window and saw the walking specimens of ghastly horror.

Mulligan’s last words before dying a second time were, “Genesis 6 would have never happened had the angels landed in Calgary instead of the Middle East. There would have been no rise of the Nephilim because the sons of God would not have found the daughters of men attractive.”

“Truer last words were never spoken, Mulligan,” Forrest acknowledged, “with the possible exception of Oscar Wilde’s last words spoken in his room, “Either that wallpaper goes or I do.” It’s amazing how unattractive interior decorating can lead to deaths of great geniuses. To say nothing of how unattractive exterior decorating can lead to the death of one’s valet.”

Dashwood Forrest thought of calling South African witch doctor Sterling Makabo on his mobile phone and get him to chant a spell to bring Mulligan back from the dead.

He thought he’d wait a while however until they had left Calgary.

Forrest was in a quandary however. Even though he was gay, the site of such repulsive ugly looking members of the opposite sex waddling around and fender bumping their broomsticks in public was enough to kill one’s libido faster than taking a cold shower in a U.S. Army barracks.

Forrest removed a classical ancient Greek olive oil lamp from his jacket pocket.

The lamp had been a gift from his good friend Ivanka Trump for favours rendered.

If he remembered his Arabian Nights folklore correctly, Aladdin used a magic lamp to summon a genie.

Maybe he could rub this lamp and summon a genie to bump off all these ugly women.

Dashwood Forrest rubbed the lamp.

Pan Goatee appeared.

“How the Hell did I get from an Orson Welles repertory film festival in Washington D.C. (where strangely enough I was the only one in the theatre) to a milk shake bar in what looks to be the city of Calgary- the city of gay cowboys- not surprising given the overall unattractiveness of the women here,” the genetically created satyr serial killer scratched his head.

“I do most humbly apologize, my good man,” Dashwood Forrest bowed, “or rather my good satyr, I was hoping to summon a genie but you’ll do. I was wondering if you could slay these ugly women for me.”

“Happy to oblige,” Pan Goatee took out his astrally projected laser machete and walked out the door where he proceeded to behead ugly women left, right and center.

Pan Goatee’s aesthetically oriented mercy killing actions led to Mulligan the Irish Zombie coming back from the dead.

“Why did we come to Calgary anyways?” Mulligan asked Dashwood Forrest.

“To see Lake Louise in the Blue Canadian Rockies to celebrate Dame Vera Lynn’s 100th Birthday earlier this month,” Dashwood Forrest explained.

“Then let’s go see Lake Louise and go,” Mulligan pleaded.

“An excellent idea,” Forrest said, “go outside and hail a taxi for us, will you?”.

As the Michael Jackson song Thriller played in the background on the old milkshake bar diner’s jukebox, Mulligan the Irish zombie ran outside and did just that.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 29th
2017.

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Orson Welles, Donald Trump and Dracul Van Helsing

March 28, 2017 at 4:14 pm (Culture, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The year was 1946 and actress Rita Hayworth was filming the movie Gilda with her co-star Glenn Ford.

She returned home to her husband Orson Welles only to see a mysterious entity de-materialize in front of her.

Sol Invictus Set De-materializing

“Who was that who just disappeared outside the door?” Rita asked Orson as she kissed him on the cheek.

“That was that London-based billionaire Mr. Sol Invictus Set who had asked me to direct a film for him,” Orson replied.

“Well, he certainly got the Hell out of here,” Rita quipped.

“I should say so,” Orson poured himself a glass of whisky and soda, “Hell is definitely where he belongs. He wanted me to write and direct a film about Hitler.”

“The subject material would certainly catch the attention of the world,” Rita poured herself a glass of milk.

“But he wanted it to be a film expressing admiration for Hitler,” Welles’ eyes flashed anger.

“Well, then you were wise telling him where to go,” Rita kissed him again.

Welles softened, “Thanks, Rita.”

Rita was thoughtful, “You seem to have a habit of offending billionaires, Orson. First William Randolph Hearst and now this Sol Invictus Set. I hope this doesn’t cost you.”

“Cost me? How?” Welles looked quizzically at his wife.

“I hope Hollywood doesn’t decide to blacklist you,” Rita looked almost clairvoyant, “turn down your ideas for making films. Europe would probably be more accepting of a genius such as yourself. But it would be a shame if America turned its back on supporting your artistic excellence.”

For once in his life, Welles was speechless.

. . .

U.S. President Donald Trump was sitting at his desk in the Oval Office wondering how he’d be able to use the Mary Poppins word Supercalifranchilisticexpealidocious in a tweet and still be able to make a profound statement.

The phone rang.

Trump picked it up.

“Hello?” Trump ran a radioactive monitoring comb through his hair.

“Hello, Dad, it’s me,” it was his daughter Ivanka, “you had called me earlier while I was busy chatting with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.”

“Yes, it was your closeness to Justin Trudeau that I was wanting to talk to you about,” Trump explained, “I was listening to a radio program about the paranormal on the radio last night featuring some former Canadian cabinet minister- some guy called Paul Hellyer. Anyways Paul Hellyer was saying that Justin Trudeau is in close contact with an ET gray from the planet Nibiru – some alien chap by the name of Gali-Gula whose ET body is supposedly possessed by the spirit of the ancient Roman Emperor Caligula. I was wondering if you could phone Prime Minister Trudeau for me and ask him if this is true.”

“But Dad, why don’t you just phone him yourself?” Ivanka asked.

“Yes, but as you know somebody has been leaking all the phone conversations I’ve been having with world leaders. If that one gets leaked, especially in lieu of the unusual subject matter, there may be some among the American people who’ll start to think I’m nuts,” Trump was shocked by the high level of radioactivity in his hair when he looked at his comb monitor.

“All right, Dad, I’ll call him,” Ivanka put her mobile phone down, smoothed her skirt and then speed dialed Justin Trudeau’s number.

. . .

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec and Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing were making love in a gondola on a canal in Venice.

“In Venice, veni, vidi, vici,” Dracul said as he collapsed in Qonzilqointec’s arms and even though he was a non-smoker, he longed for a cigarette for some reason.

“In Venice, you came, you saw, you conquered,” Qonzilqointec sighed in ecstasy.

He certainly came all right.

Qonzilqointec thought maybe she really should have taken her dress completely off.

She lit a cigarette and wondered what dry cleaner Monica Lewinsky used on her blue dress.

“We’re here at the house of the masked ball,” the gondolier announced.

“Who puts on a masked ball during Lent?” Qonzilqointec asked, “aren’t carnival masquerade balls supposed to happen before Lent?”.

“Welcome,” the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Sol Invictus Set materialized before the door.

Sol Invictus Set Re-materializing

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 28th
2017.

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The World Has Lost A Great Illuminati Satanist

March 21, 2017 at 2:56 pm (Biographical, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Obituaries, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The World Has Lost A Great Illuminati Satanist
David Rockefeller

David Rockefeller founder of the Trilateral Commission kicks the bucket at age 101.
Hopefully they’ll remember to bury him face downwards so that he can see where he’s going.

“I see,” Amadeus Emanon spoke while eating toast with butter and jam, “that they’ve got a different sort of obituary for David Rockefeller in the International Federation of Vampire Hunters daily newspaper.”

“I noticed that,” Renfield R. Renfield commented as he fantasized about Ivanka Trump and Scarlett Johannson wrestling with one another in a wrestling ring with both women wearing evening dresses slit up the side and shiny nylon clad spiked stiletto high-heeled legs wrapped around one another’s throat.

“Well, you’re obviously not too upset by David Rockefeller’s death,” Amadeus commented as he noticed the huge broad ecstatic smile on Renfield’s face.

-An obituary written
by Gregorio Palamas
President of the
International Federation
of Vampire Hunters
Athens, Greece
March 21st
2017.

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