Jack O’ Hare Meets Mr. Ed The Talking Horse
Gwen with Mr. Ed the Talking Horse
Jack O’ Hare was playing with a telegraph set practicing his Morse
When those Halloween X-Solar flares unleashed a powerful force
And sent him hurtling through space-time wildly off course
Back to the time of Mr. Ed the Talking Horse
Asked Jack, “Are you Mr. Ed the Talking Horse?
Replied the noble equine, “Of course! Of course! Of course!”.
“And who are you?” Jack asked the fair maiden,
“Gwen Conliffe,” she said on night when moon wasn’t fadin,
Then she added,
“Even a man who is pure in heart
And says his prayers at night
Can become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms
And the autumn moon is bright.”
In the distance Larry Talbot’s tormented soul howled
And in far off tracks of Talbot estate one lone wolf growled.
“Tis Halloween,” said Jack as space-time went off course,
“The only time of year,” said Mr. Ed, “where you’ll meet a talking horse.”
-A poem written by Christopher
Friday October 29th 2021.
Jack O’ Hare and The Hobbit’s House
A hobbit’s house with pumpkins galore,
Jack O’ Hare went and knocked at the door,
A hobbit answered who was only a little taller than the floor.
“Are any of these pumpkins for sale?” Jack asked with a wiggle of his ears,
The hobbit invited him in to dine on cheese and bread and drink a few beers,
“Halloween should be a time for fun and not playing on fears,”
Hobbit noted, “Let’s eat, drink and be merry and be of good cheers.”
Jack agreed and drank a fine glass of ale,
Hobbit looked in the postal box to check his mail,
Saruman the White had in Ethics did fail,
These were times when men in white went to the dark side
As Bishops of Rome will now on a witch’s broomstick ride.
Saint George was forced to slay a dragon that had abandoned the concept of right,
And a let’s going Brandon had said to George good night.
But let us return to pumpkins and beer,
Let’s drink a toast and be of good cheer,
For we must have hope
When confronting the forces of fear.
-A poem written by Christopher
Wednesday October 27th 2021.
A Visit From Jack O’ Hare
Jack O’ Hare is out sitting on the front lawn
Eating grass of which he’s rather fond
His big ears stand alert and ready
Ready to flee if blue jay wants to go steady.
-A poem written by Christopher
Thursday June 17th 2021
Inspired by the sight
of a wild hare jack rabbit
eating grass on the front lawn
while a blue jay sat on a
nearby tree branch
talking to him.
Jack O’ Hare: A Day Well Spent
He was the famous bunny called Jack O’ Hare
He saw the day was clear, sunny and quite fair
So he hopped here, he hopped there
He hopped around everywhere.
He hopped to the cabbage patch
Left there without a scratch
Even though the guard dog leapt into action
Jack fled in time by just a fraction.
He went to the carrot garden
And shrugged, “I beg your pardon?”
When he was chased away by Mrs. Jones
Who stopped to take Selfies on her cell phones.
He then went to the valley of green peas
And avoided some giant on his knees
He ate to his heart’s content
And thought this day heaven sent.
-A Jack O’ Hare poem
written by Christopher
Sunday May 30th
2021.
Jack O’ Hare and The Lovely Valley: A Poem
On the edge of the forest
as birds sang their chorus
a lonely jack rabbit did hoppily roam
He leapt through the valley
It was quite up his alley
’till he came to the edge of the fast flowing stream
In the background, the skylarks were singing
And on the hill, church bells were ringing
It was a symphony between heaven and nature
And Jack perked up his ears of very great stature
And hoped the poem’s readers would rhyme nate and state
As stats were damned lies according to Benjamin Disraeli
And the old man on the hill playing his ukulele
As the sun rose over valley and mountain
And Jack stopped to drink from the fountain
A beaver was building a home out of logs
And the effort was applauded by ribbiting of the frogs
Jack O’ Hare hopped contentedly on
making of this valley a home front lawn
it was for Jack a heavenly spot
where he avoided many a fox trot.
-A Jack O’ Hare poem
written by Christopher
Monday May 27th 2019.
Jack O’ Hare Meets The Mermaid of The Red Deer: A Poem
A huge silvery white moon rose in majestic glory
above the sky, above the clouds and above the canyon
its luminous giant white disc
causing dazzling lights
and mysterious shadows
to fall on top of the skyclad Badlands cutbank hills
that formed like magic mountains
in the canyon of the Dry Island Buffalo Jump
through which the magical enchanted Red Deer River flowed
in this majestic spot
near the town of Huxley, Alberta
The lantern in the sky
acted like a theatrical magic lantern
from years gone by
in its dazzling array of
flickering lights
and
shapeshifting shadows
that sparkled and danced
on the Badlands hills
like fairies and gnomes
engaged in a tug of war
to see which magical creatures would come out
on top.
On this enchanted evening
five days before Halloween
when pure magic was in the air
on riverbank rocks sat
the noble Jack O’ Hare.
A wild hare jack rabbit
and explorer of Canada’s west
He’d been there, done that
never settled for 2nd best
“Greetings, Jack,” the mermaid of the Red Deer
raised her head above the glistening moonlit waters.
“Greetings, fair mermaid,” Jack raised his bunny ears
in greeting.
“All is well?” The mermaid asked.
“All is well,” Jack answered,
“and all will be well.”
“Glad to hear it,” the mermaid smiled
as starlight danced in her eyes.
The mermaid disappeared under the waves of the river
swimming south to Drumheller
the hub of the Red Deer River Badlands
and birthplace of Jack’s friend.
The mermaid swam to impart
the blessings of this night down there
And birds sang gently in the trees,
All is well, all will be well.
And Jack hopped up the river bank
and continued his trek under
the midnight moonlit sky
as the birds continued to sing
their cheerful lullaby.
-A Jack O’Hare poem
written by Christopher
Friday October 26th
2018.
Jack O’ Hare Solves The Case of The Monkey’s Stolen Fur: A Poem
Jack O’ Hare Solves The Case of The Monkey’s Stolen Fur: A Poem
In the land of bunny rabbits, there was none so fair
as that female rabbit loved by Jack O’ Hare
And so as Jack hopped and then sat in the village square,
he sang, I love Jeannie, she’s a dark brown hare.
No one loves me, wept a red spider monkey
who sat next to a Russian riding a Democrat donkey
Why ever not? asked Jack O’ Hare
as he made faces at the Russian bear
Because I happen to be bald all over
no one will roll me over in the clover
Jack asked, What happened to your fur?
Someone stole it while I was at Big Sur
Jack queried, Any idea where it went?
The monkey said, No, it was stolen from my tent ⛺️
Do you have a pic of what it looked like?
Jack would be on the lookout for a red spider spike.
The monkey had a photo of himself with fur
It was a clear pic although Hillary was a blur
And later as Jack hopped into a Burger 🍔 King
to order a carrot 🥕 cake special along with onion ring
he saw a sight that made his heart sing
For there was the red spider monkey’s spider fur atop the head of a real ding-a-ling
The toupee wearing Donald Trump was meeting Kim Jong-un
when his hair piece was stolen by the Easter Bun
or so it was reported in the New York Times and Chicago Sun
Oh somewhere in this happy land
The red spider monkey was leading the band
for his fur had been returned- fur worth a lot of grand.
-A Jack O’ Hare poem
written by Christopher
Monday March 12th
2018.
Jack O’ Hare In Film Noir: A Poem
Jack O’ Hare In Film Noir: A Poem
It was on the other side of San Francisco Chinatown
lived the man called Emmanuel Gold Brown
He got electrocuted when the radio fell into his bath one night
with the result he died listening to Inner Sanctum but not from fright
The water was still bubbling when police and ambulance arrived
causing the lieutenant to quip this place is hotter than a jazz jive
Electrocution was the cause of death ruled the city’s coroner
no surprise- unlike the plum in pie of little Jack Horner
The question was who threw the plugged radio into the tub
leading to murder most foul- aye, there’s the rub
Now Jack O’ Hare was a private eye in town
one who knew a verb was different from a noun
The other eyes in town didn’t have much of an education
so bad- they could have been Congressmen planning legislation
It just so happened one hot and sultry night
as a lonely carrot succumbed to Jack’s bite
that Jessica Rabbit came strolling through the door
wearing an outfit that sent most men dead to the floor
Jessica’s tight fitting dress caused Jack to hyperventilate
but that would not be the extent of this bunny rabbit’s fate
for Jessica knew who had slain Emmanuel Gold Brown
the dashing night club owner and man about town
How do you know? Jack asked in between munching on carrots
he wondered why the building next door was loaded with ferrets.
I was there in the bathroom at the time
answered Roger Rabbit’s wife who was dressed to the nine.
Jack choked on his bottle of Avocado 🥑 and Grapefruit mix
he didn’t drink bourbon like those eyes in the Sticks.
What were you doing in the bathroom when the man was taking a bath 🛀?
This remark caused Jessica Rabbit to laugh and laugh.
Said Jessica, We owe the IRS a lot in back taxes
far more than Lizzie Borden gave her parents whackses
Now Roger’s acting career doesn’t pay much when it comes to loading the dice 🎲
In fact it doesn’t even pay for a take out order of rice 🍚
So I, sighed Jessica, have to make a little money on the side
which often involves taking men for a ride
That means you’re an —–? Jack paused on his paws
“Escort is the word I prefer,” Jessica said, “The service called Ma’s.”
“I just thought Mrs. Barker made apple pie,”
Jack rubbed the carrot juice out of his eye.
“Oh, Mrs. Barker has plenty of pies galore
as well as all sorts of cats coming in and out the door.”
“It’s a real cat house then?”
Jack caught an egg from a hen.
The hen ran up the fire escape
It was how she kept in shape.
“You could very well say that,”
Jessica spoke setting the trap,
“Now come along with me
to the wharf by the sea
and you’ll meet Brown’s killer
for real- not like in a Thriller.”
“And why would I want to meet Brown’s killer?” Jack asked,
“I’d sooner meet the Ghost of Christmas Past.”
“Because I’m paying you to,”
Jessica adjusted her dress tight and blue.
“Paying me to meet a killer?”
It did sound like an opening line in a thriller.
Jessica showed Jack her diamond ring 💍
as the nightingale in the alley started to sing 🎶
“These carats could buy a lot of carrots,” Jessica suggested
as she lowered her dress top showing she was amply breasted.
“Indeed they could,” Jack rose to the occasion
He didn’t need any more persuasion
so Jack and Jessica headed to a wharf on the Bay in San Fran
A foggy night where people get lost just trying to find the can
Jack and Jess got out of the car in time before it headed off the dock
With the splash, Jack sighed, “There goes my favourite sock.”
He really should learn to drive with his shoes on
either that or stop walking bare feet where the salmon spawn.
“Good evening, Mr. O’ Hare,”
said a voice most sinister,
“I’ve been expecting you.”
“Have you seen a floating red sock pass through?”
Jack O’ Hare was anxious to know
before he felt the urge to go.
“I killed Emmanuel Gold Brown,” the man grinned
to deed he’d admit but wouldn’t confess he sinned
“And why did you do that?” Jack sounded like the BBC’s Detective Foyle
while he sat and waited for his tea to boil
“Why are you boiling tea on the dock?”
This man wondered if Jack’s private eye reputation was all a crock
“Because I’m thirsty,” replied Jack
pulling out biscuits for a snack,
“Your voice sounds very familiar.”
The bunny waved aside Jessica’s offer of a Pilsner.
“It should sound familiar,” the man frothed, “for I am the voice of The Shadow.”
A ship 🚢 sailed by carrying llamas for cargo.
“You don’t sound much like Orson Welles,”
Jack found on the pier a book of spells.
“Ever since Welles played that role, the public won’t accept another voice for the Shadow,”
into his handkerchief the man his nose did blow.
“Them’s the brakes,” Jack remarked as a car spun out of control off the dock
Jessica wondered if she should go home and change her frock.
“So,” Jack scratched his whiskers, “why did you kill Emmanuel Gold Brown?”
“Because,” the man said, “he wasn’t listening to me- Lamont Cranston wealthy young man about town.
He was listening to Inner Sanctum Mysteries told by Raymond your host.
For that mistake in radio programming, he’s now a ghost 👻.”
The man took out a gun and aimed it at Jack,
“I wanted to get my reputation back,
to kill the world’s greatest private eye like meat 🍖 on a rack
but whoever told me about you was smoking too much crack.”
“Smoking is bad for your health,”
said Jack whose advice was medical wealth.
The man clicked the gun, “I’ll shoot you like a dog in my pyjama,”
It was then he was run over by a fleeing llama.
The Shadow was buried the very next day
while Jack was hopping through farm fields and hay
Jack thought of the night before and of Jessica Rabbit, he really should have kissed her
He sighed, went home, put the radio on and listened to The Whistler.
-A Jack O’ Hare poem
written by Christopher
Monday September 4th
2017.
The Strange Case of The Emerald Green Cat of Bulgaria 🇧🇬: A Poem
The Strange Case of The Emerald Green Cat of Bulgaria 🇧🇬: A Poem
Jack O’ Hare
jack rabbit fair
he really was quite the bunny
that some thought was very funny
One day while he was out hopping
he decided to do some shopping
he spent some time looking at phones
as well as browsing through books about Sherlock Holmes
He bought the latter
avoided walking under a ladder
and went back to his quaint little home 🏡
right next to an abandoned honeycomb
Which was indeed a very wise thing
for Jack loved the way the birds sing
but not the way the bees sting
The latter could be a real pain in the ass
made it unpleasant to sit on the grass
so the honeycomb was long abandoned
possibly since the time of Aladdin
I wonder what became of his genie
Jack thought while eating a vegan weenie
He really should have bought some hot dog buns
although the raisin bran flavoured ones
often gave him the runs
Jack then read the Sherlock Holmes story A Study In Scarlet
and discovered it wasn’t about Mystery Babylon’s harlot
He read the huge volume straight through
while munching on his multi-carrot stew
he finally finished at The Adventure of Schoscombe Old Place
published in 1927
and closed the volume thinking Sherlock’s exploits were heaven
He decided upon putting the book 📚 on the shelf
and dusting off the statue of the garden elf
that like Holmes he’d become a consulting detective
because to be Inspector Lestrade was to be defective
So he put an ad to that effect in the Rabbit Weekly
even though his girlfriend told him it was so geeky 🤓
But come the Wednesday after the ad
came a Saint Bernard dog looking sad 😭 🐶
“I can’t get to sleep at night,” said he
the Saint Bernard dog Wally McGee
Asked Jack, Have you tried drinking herbal tea ☕️
It’s the apparition that appears outside my window each night that is the problem
I’m not sure if it’s ghost or goblin
sighed Wally with fear in his eyes
as he ate the last of Jack’s French fries 🍟
This will mean another run to the grocery store thought Jack
as I have no potatoes left in the sack
Neither will I have Lola
thought Jack as he sipped his Cola
ever since she caught him looking at Mae West’s melons
in an old movie about call girls and felons
She left Jack with these parting words, Aloha.
So as far as Jack’s love life went, he was now in the Lone Star ⭐️ State
but such were the quirks, twists and turns of Fate
Getting back to the problem at hand
Jack looked at the Saint Bernard dog well tanned
for this was a dog who had his day in the sun
as unleashed through a park, he went on a run
So describe the apparition you saw
Jack motioned with his foot to Wally’s paw
All right said Wally
pausing to look at a collie,
“Wow! There’s a real bitch in heat!”.
Sighed Jack, Be less like Trump and be more discreet.
So Wally went on, Getting back to the apparition at hand
it was the most terrifying sight in all the land
it frightened away our neighbourhood Calypso band
and turned my rock garden into mounds of sand
Sounds like quite the spectacle,
Jack was forming thoughts diametrical,
What was it exactly that you did see?
Well, said Wally, I had gotten up to pee,
I went out the back door to my favourite tree
And it was there I saw it
I don’t know what to call it
Describe it as best as you can,
Jack used a carrot 🥕 for a fan
for it was one heck of a hot summer night
the kind where goose bumps make your pants too tight
Said Wally,
By golly!
It was a ghostly ghastly feline
It was blocking the way to my tree line
It glowed emerald green
really quite the scene
and everywhere it went, it glowed in the dark
it could totally light up Central Park
and what I’m telling you is certainly no lark
Jack put on his deerstalker cap
his thinking hat with a flap
He lit up his Sherlockian style pipe
he had Basil Rathbone down to type
Well, Jack coughed
sending the chickens aloft,
this cat you describe I think I’ve heard of
from the lips of Vladimir Birdov
He died in my arms
On Green Acres Farms
He had recently come back from Varna, Bulgaria 🇧🇬
having encountered a cat with menthyl malaria
which it contracted from a little green frog 🐸
that had sat there like a bump on a log
And this unusual type of malaria
previously unknown in Bulgaria 🇧🇬
turned the cat’s colour to a ghostly emerald green
making this tabby the talk of the bar scene
But what’s it doing here in Canada 🇨🇦, Wally wanted to know
He was bursting a gut and quite possibly his toe
Jack looked at Wally and gave his hat a twirl
sending up pipe smoke in quite a widening curl
And then quietly said, Don’t be such a nerd
For you mean to say you haven’t heard,
Prime Minister Justin, unlike Trump, is welcoming all refugees
even those with a emerald green cat furry sneeze.
-A Jack O’ Hare poem
written by Christopher
Thursday August 10th
2017.
Dracul Van Helsing 
A Glimpse of Jack O’ Hare
October 27, 2019 at 9:41 pm (Commentary) (Jack O' Hare)
A Glimpse of Jack O’ Hare
It had been a cold September and cold early October
So all the leaves had fallen off the trees early this year
Autumn was usually his favourite time of the year
And it was the autumn colours of the leaves on the trees that made it so
But this year it was autumn without leaves of colour
What is the day without the sun?
Or the night without the moon?
It would leave one with an empty feeling
Such is the case with an autumn without leaves of colour
Vivaldi’s Four Seasons suddenly reduced to three
Oh, what a sad melody!
Living in a city close to the mountains
that created its own climate
And often cast a chill on early autumn
He had lived so many years in a northern woodlands city
Where the trees turned into coats of many colours
And waved their garments of wonder to the sky
during days and nights of gentle autumn breeze
But he really had only 2 friends in that city
His father
and a wild hare jack rabbit that lived in the back yard
His father died
And he was forced to move out of the house
Leaving his only other friend to fend in the back yard for himself
Were the house’s new owners as kind to rabbits?
He moved to the West Coast
Only to discover that the West Coast was the playground of the very wealthy
If you didn’t have vast wealth
you could only exist on the West Coast
One could never really live
So home to his province he came
This time to the city in the south
The city where chinook winds blew cold in the autumn
and slew the glory for which autumn is noted
Days and nights that were magical
were days and nights he encountered a jack rabbit
Because they reminded him of his friend Jack
He usually saw one or maybe even a few while walking across a field
A few nights ago
As the autumn chill raced through his bones
He saw one in a parking lot of all places
Both human and hare stopped to look at one another
The hare decided this human was no threat to him
So seemingly it looked like the hare saluted him
And then moved on
Like the proverbial two ships that pass in the night
What tales might that jack rabbit have told?
What adventures have befallen him?
A glimpse of another Jack O’ Hare
But sometimes a glimpse of hope is all that’s needed.
-A poem written by Christopher
Sunday October 27th
2019.
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