Brazil’s Jair Bolsonaro Solves The Mystery of The Amazon Rainforest Fires
Brazil’s Jair Bolsonaro Solves The Mystery of the Amazon Rainforest Fires
Brazil’s President Jair Bolsonaro managed to get a copy of the incomplete report that London private eyes Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley had given to Lev Tomi the Secretary-General of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change on who was responsible for setting the Amazon Rainforest fires back in the summer.
Christie and Petley were frightened by the creatures, gods and goddesses and other supernatural beings they encountered in the Amazon Rainforest so they eventually gave up on their investigation.
But that still didn’t stop them from charging a huge exorbitant fee to Tomi for their incomplete services.
Bolsonaro had called a press conference to reveal who was responsible for setting the fires without bothering to read the incomplete report.
Now that he had read it, Bolsonaro realized that he was up Shit Creek without a paddle.
He helped himself to another jar of those delicious Uncle Ernie’s Australian Fruit Gummy Bears that his good friend Donald Trump had sent him and downed several handfuls.
As he reflected, he suddenly recalled a name that his wife Michelle had called out in her sleep last night, “Leonardo.”
Furious, Bolsonaro walked out into the hall, faced the press and accused Hollywood actor Leonardo DiCaprio of “giving money to set the Amazon on fire”.
Foamed Bolsonaro, “This Leonardo DiCaprio is a cool guy, right? Giving money to torch the Amazon.”
. . .
The Norse trickster god Loki watched the Jair Bolsonaro press conference on television.
The idiotic pronouncement gave Loki an idea.
It would certainly make for a wonderful joke if the phantasm that was the spectral ghost ship of the R.M.S. Titanic suddenly made an appearance on the Amazon River.
To do that, he went to see Hades the Greek god of the Underworld to see if the plutocrat would grant a temporary dispensation to the phantasmal shade that was the spectral ghost form of the R.M.S. Titanic to sail down the Amazon River.
Hades granted Loki the request and soon reports of the spectre of the ghostly form of the R.M.S. Titanic going down the Amazon River were being reported and shared on social media.
As Loki walked back chuckling from Hades’ throne room, he walked past a room in Hades’ palace where the ghost of Leonardo da Vinci the famous Renaissance artist, scientist and inventor was boasting to the ghost of one of the Medicis that he had recently paid a nocturnal spectral visit to Michelle Bolsonaro the wife of the current Brazilian President.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday November 30th
2019.
Amazon On Fire
Amazon On Fire
London-based private eyes Magog Rhys Petley and Agathor Christie sat in the New York City office of Lev Tomi the Secretary-General of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change.
Unbeknownst to Magog and Agathor, Lev Tomi was a vampire.
Hence the reason for the late night meeting.
During his mortal life, Lev Tomi had been the Russian Communist Leon Trotsky.
Magog Rhys Petley and Agathor Christie had recently been deported from Argentina as their investigation into a sex trafficking ring (with possible close ties to the Vatican) was getting a little too close for the powers that be behind the curtains who were secretly running the world.
“Gentlemen,” Lev Tomi took off his wire rimmed spectacles and wiped them, “I want you to go down to Brazil and investigate and find out who’s responsible for setting all the wild fires that are currently burning up the Amazon rain forests which are the lungs of planet Earth.”
“Well according to Jair Bolsonaro the President of Brazil, the ones who set the fires are the NGOs of Brazil since his government slashed funding to them,” Magog noted.
“And do you believe him?” Lev Tomi stroked his dark goatee beard.
“No,” Magog shook his head, “They don’t call him the Donald Trump of Brazil for nothing.”
“Will you take the case?” Tomi asked.
“We will,” Magog agreed.
. . .
Meanwhile at the Vatican, Cardinal JM (which was his code name) the head of the Vatican Secret Intelligence Service was secretly pleased about the wild fires happening in the Amazon rain forest.
The reason was the upcoming Synod On The Amazon which was being held at the Vatican this coming October.
Cardinal JM and his fellow pagan cardinals at the Vatican (which was actually a great many of them) were hoping to use that synod to overturn 2000 years of Catholic doctrine and liturgy.
And they were hoping to use the ecological crisis facing the Amazon region of South America to be able to do just that.
. . .
British Prime Minister Boris Johnson and French President Emmanuel Macron were meeting in Paris to discuss Brexit and the question of the Irish backstop on the Republic of Ireland/Northern Ireland border.
German Chancellor Angela Merkel in her meeting with Johnson in Berlin yesterday said that if Johnson could come up with a solution to the Irish backstop problem within 30 days, she would be willing to listen.
Macron, on the other hand, like most pompous and arrogant French leaders, was not so accommodating.
Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun (who liked to drink and sleep with part of his body on one half of the Irish border and the other part of his body on the other) watched the Johnson-Macron meeting live on his Samsung Galaxy tablet while drinking from a large keg of Jameson Whiskey and recalling how he had once saved all of Ireland from the Prussian invasion of 1807.
Or was it the Napoleonic invasion of 1808?
He always got those two years and two invasions mixed up for some reason.
The leprechaun fell asleep.
. . .
The Byzantine vampiress Theodora was wearing a red Italian Renaissance era style dress and walking down the steps and corridors of the ancient Italian city of Ravenna.
She smiled when she saw Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing approach.
“Your Vampiric Majesty,” Dracul greeted her, “I need your help in stopping Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s Turkish army from invading northern Syria and massacring Kurds and Christians.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 22nd
2019.
Dracul Van Helsing 
Musical Instruments, Hazardous Vegetables, Amazon Rainforest and The Russian Spy Beluga Whale Defector
August 23, 2019 at 9:57 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (Amadeus Emanon, Amazon Rain Forest Fires, Brazil, Instruments of Music, Jair Bolsonaro, musical instruments, Renfield R. Renfield, Roman Emperor Nero, Russian Spy Beluga Whale, The Ghost of Orson Welles, The President of Brazil, The Russian Spy Beluga Whale Defector)
Musical Instruments, Hazardous Vegetables, Amazon Rainforest and The Russian Spy Beluga Whale Defector
British MP Renfield R. Renfield asked his friend Amadeus Emanon, “Did you hear what happened to the saxophonist who played his musical instrument so badly?”.
“No,” Amadeus shook his head.
“He became a registered sax offender,” Renfield replied.
Amadeus buried his head in his hands.
Meanwhile down at the Set Enterprises aquarium, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was having a vision of Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro wearing a long Roman toga, a crown of laurel wreath in his hair (much like that worn by the Emperor Nero) and holding in his hands a violin which he was playing badly as the Amazon rainforests burned.
Meanwhile in the waters off the coast of Norway, tragedy struck the Russian spy beluga whale defector who had recently defected to the Norwegians with the help of the ghost of Orson Welles.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 23rd
2019.
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