From Steak To Matzah Balls To Peking Duck

June 26, 2019 at 11:00 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

From Steak To Matzah Balls To Peking Duck

In various places across the globe on June 26th 2019:

“How does one expect me to enjoy my steak dinner if the newspaper at my place at the dinner table has on it a photo of the bodies of an El Salvadorean migrant and his young daughter who drowned in a river on the U.S.-Mexico border?” Donald Trump called out to his British butler and valet, “Lexington, come and turn this paper over to the other side for me.”

Jared Kushner was eating matzah balls and talking by smart phone to his wife Ivanka Trump.

“I just don’t get these Palestinians,” Jared complained to Ivanka, “Here I am offering them a whole bunch of money in what your dad has wisely dubbed the “deal of the century” and all they seem to care about is a state of their own for some reason.”

China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping was enjoying a plate of Peking Duck and getting advice from his supernatural entity advisor known as the Black Dragon prior to heading to the G-20 Summit in Osaka, Japan.

“What’s with these members of the underground Catholic Church anyways?” Xi Jinping complained to the Black Dragon, “I thought after we signed that agreement with Pope Francis’ Vatican last September by which the Pope recognized the bishops in my Xi Jinping approved official Chinese Patriotic Catholic Church that members of the underground Catholic Church would be breaking down the doors to attend Mass in our official churches where the photo of my smiling face is placed pre-eminently above the figure of Christ on the Crucifix.”

“I don’t understand it, your Supreme Celestialness,” the Black Dragon addressed China’s paramount leader, “Very baffling indeed.”

“What was the name of that splendid Cardinal who negotiated the basis of what became the ecumenical deal of the century in my favour?” Xi asked, “And what’s become of him?”.

“His name was Theodore McCarrick,” the Black Dragon replied, “and back on February 13th of this year, he was laicized.”

“Why was such a splendid chap and churchman laicized?” Xi asked over his Peking Duck and wondered why it wasn’t pronounced Beijing?

“It turns out that he was a homosexual predatory priest who molested and raped altar boys and young seminarians for decades,” the Black Dragon replied, “Something that most of his fellow U.S. bishops and even Pope Francis knew about it. However when court prosecutors and state attorneys-general in the U.S. found out about it back on June 20th 2018, that’s when the shit hit the Vatican fan. After Pope Francis immediately replaced the fan, he decided to call an emergency summit of bishops for this past February to deal with the issue of clerical sex abuse.”

“So as a result of all that, McCarrick was laicized?” Xi was incredulous.

“And just a few days ago, it’s been discovered that McCarrick was also a Crowleyite Thelema practicing satanist along with Joseph Cardinal Bernardin the late Cardinal Archbishop of Chicago. Bernardin, like McCarrick, was also a homosexual predatory priest who molested and raped altar boys and young seminarians. Though Bernardin did rape an 8-year-old girl in a satanic ceremony in Charleston South Carolina when he was a young priest back in 1957. The details of which also became publicly revealed the last few days.”

“So you mean to say the members of the underground Catholic Church in China don’t like a Beijing-Vatican deal negotiated on their behalf by a molesting and rape practicing predatory priest who was also a practicing satanist?” Xi wanted to know.

“Apparently not, your Supreme Celestialness,” the Black Dragon answered.

“People never cease to amaze,” Xi bit into his fortune cookie when he suddenly remembered that was a San Francisco Chinese thing to do and not really a Beijing Chinese thing.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 26th
2019.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Robert Mueller, Interpol’s Mulder and The Red Dragon Banner

March 23, 2019 at 10:55 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, love, Mystery, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Yesterday U.S. Special Counsel Robert Mueller had presented his report on possible Russian state-Trump campaign collusion to the U.S. Attorney-General’s Department.

Now both the Trump White House and Democrats in the U.S. Congress were anxious to get their hands on the report.

As such, both the Norse trickster god Loki and the native American indigenous trickster spirit Coyote had joined forces and were working overtime to ensure that the words and conclusions of the copy of the Mueller report that Donald Trump received were vastly different from the words and conclusions of the copy of the Mueller report that Sen. Chuck Schumer and Rep. Nancy Pelosi received.

As such when all the parties issued their respective tweets and press conferences on the subject, that should really set off fireworks all around.

CNN, The Washington Post and The New York Times would accuse Trump of lying and misrepresenting the report.

And Fox News, Breitbart and The National Enquirer would accuse Schumer and Pelosi of lying and misrepresenting the report.

And both the National Rifle Association and Planned Parenthood would issue statements that no killings whatsoever happen in America.

And Vladimir Putin, Xi Jinping and Kim Jong-un would hold an emergency summit in which the 3 leaders would come to the conclusion that the United States of America as a whole was collectively insane and possibly should be collectively euthanized for the sake of planet Earth.

. . .

Peter Whitstable was the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

In his investigation of all things paranormal and occult, it had come to his attention that the singer Beyonce might possibly be descended from Marie Laveau the famous Voodoo Queen of New Orleans.

And as Whitstable sat in The Blue Lantern Chinese Restaurant in Los Angeles – an historic landmark famous because an LA private eye had once made out with an LA high society debutante in public in the booth right next to the Smiling Buddha there (the story was the Buddha’s smile grew even wider after he had watched the encounter) back in 1941- he noticed Beyonce and her husband Jay-Z enter the restaurant.

This was Whitstable’s chance to ask the singer in person.

“Excuse me, Miss Beyonce,” he approached the beautiful musical superstar, “I was wondering if you could tell me if you’re descended from Marie Laveau the Voodoo Queen of New Orleans.”

As Jay-Z scowled, Beyonce raised her right foot and with her spiked stiletto high-heeled shoe kicked the Interpol operative right out the door.

Former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger who was sitting at the table facing the Smiling Buddha swore that the Smiling Buddha’s smile grew wider yet again at the sight of the singer’s slit skirted and black silk pantyhose kick.

. . .

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was in Jerusalem.

As he had been wrestling in bed with the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis for control of Maximilien Robespierre’s little black book in a New York City apartment back in 1939, his pet blue eyed white wolf had grabbed the book in its jaws and brought it to this current year of 2019.

The book contained a prophecy given by a clairvoyant prostitute (who had once dressed up as the Goddess of Reason in a worship ceremony held in Notre Dame Cathedral shortly after the French Revolution) that Robespierre had written down in the book.

The prophecy was about the Golan Heights in the year 2019.

The prophecy said that “the blood of the giant progeny of the Nephilim to be found in the ground below the Heights would bring great wealth to those who owned it”.

And of course Donald Trump had just recognized Israeli sovereignty over the Golan Heights.

And the company that had been given exclusive drilling rights to the oil and gas underneath the Golan Heights was a company called Genie Energy.

Genie of course was the English equivalent of djinn in Islamic tradition – supernatural entities created out of “smokeless fire” who are able to eat and drink and also have children like humans but were much faster and stronger than humans.

Some scholars wondered whether the djinn were not the same as the Nephilim -supernatural Watchers of planet Earth – who were mentioned in Genesis Chapter 6 and the 1st Book of Enoch.

Sitting on the Board of Advisors of Genie Energy were such notables as Baron Jacob Rothschild, former Vice-President Dick Cheney, Rupert Murdoch, former Energy Secretary Bill Richardson and Ira Greenstein (a close business associate of Jared Kushner’s family) who was the former President of Genie Energy as well as a former legal advisor to President Donald Trump.

Van Helsing was in Jerusalem to check out the claims.

He had with him in his hotel room the Red Dragon Banner a special dragon standard flag (that sported a scarlet red dragon against a black background) that had belonged to his ancestor King Arthur.

The dragon was able to miraculously breathe fire in battle when called upon.

Van Helsing figured it might be needed in these times.

The Canadian vampire hunter was in a Jerusalem warehouse there to meet with a woman who was a direct descendant of the Queen of Sheba and King Solomon.

When he saw her, Van Helsing’s smile was wider than that of the Smiling Buddha in the Blue Lantern Chinese Restaurant in Los Angeles.

A woman who was the direct descendant of the Queen of Sheba.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday March 23rd
2019.

Permalink 29 Comments

The Donald T-Rump Song

October 24, 2018 at 9:44 pm (Arts, Celebrities, Comedy, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, Music, News, Poetry, Politics, Satire, Songs) (, , , , , , , , , )

Oh, let us drink a drink, a drink
to Donald T-Rump, T-Rump
the saviour of the human race
or so he thought in his head
for which a poor red spider monkey bled

Now Donald T-Rump thought he was Julius Caesar
because he was just that type of senile geezer
but he forgot his Roman history
it’s certainly no mystery
Julius was assassinated
dying very constipated
and Augustus took over
like a four leaf clover
while Jared Kushner returns home from Dover
to take the reigns of power
for it is the False Messianic hour.

-A song written
by Christopher
Friday October 19th
2018
to the tune of
The Irish Rovers song
Lily The Pink

Permalink 32 Comments

Samael Satan Santa Muerte In The Midst of Hurricane Michael

October 10, 2018 at 11:15 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Samael Satan Santa Muerte In The Midst of Hurricane Michael

The fallen Archangel Samael (who was actually the entity called Satan in the Book of Job and not Lucifer the Devil) is in the middle of the vortex that is Hurricane Michael as it weaves its path of destruction.

Samael, who had been spending a great deal of time in Mexico where he was worshiped as the spectral figure of Santa Muerte (depicted as a female Saint since Samael dressed in drag for this apparition after having fallen prey to a psychoanalysis session conducted by the bisexual transgendered goat-Human hybrid demon god Baphomet) by the Mexican drug cartels, drug dealers and various drug gang members, had heard of the tropical storm that was named Michael.

Since Michael was his old nemesis who had thrown him out of Heaven (Michael having done the very same to the first rebellious Archangel Lucifer the Devil also called the Ancient Serpent and the Great Dragon), Samael decided to take revenge on his old nemesis by entering the eye of the tropical storm and turning it into a hurricane to wreak great destruction.

This would be his vengeance against Michael.

Hell hath no fury like a fallen Archangel thrown out of Heaven.

. . .

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was in his greenhouse inhaling marijuana smoke 💨 being exhaled by his genetically created pot smoking desert cactus 🌵 plant that he had named Strawberry Fields Forever.

He was also practicing a Guided Imagery Visualization exercise that he had read in a New Age book that came highly recommended by Oprah.

Then his spirit guide adviser appeared to him who was none other than Gali-Gula an ET Gray from the planet Nibiru who was possessed by the spirit of the ancient earthling Roman Emperor Caligula.

Only this time unlike his previous appearances, Gali-Gula had two heads instead of one.

“Wow, you have two heads,” said an impressed Justin, “Totally far out, man.”

“I don’t really have two heads,” Gali-Gula looked in the mirror to make sure, “Only you inhaled pot and practiced Guided Imagery Visualization at the same time. Something you should never do. Like drinking and driving, they don’t mix. That’s why you see me with an extra head.”

“Wow, imagine the shape I’d be in if I encountered a hundred headed hydra then,” Justin was starting to get a bad case of the munchies and ordered a super deluxe pizza 🍕 on his smart phone.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” Gali-Gula asked the Canadian Prime Minister.

“What did I want to talk to you about?” Justin scratched his second head as he looked at his reflection in the mirror, “Oh, what did you think of my saving the NAFTA Trade Deal at the last moment?”.

“You didn’t save the NAFTA Trade Deal at the last moment and the deal is now called the USMCA,” Gali-Gula answered as he sucked on a lollipop 🍭 as Strawberry Fields Forever hoisted a sailing ⛵️ ship mast on his prickly person and started to sing an old Shirley Temple song from the 1930s.

“I didn’t and it is?” Justin fell back on the greenhouse’s soft carpeted floor (the Prime Minister had ordered the greenhouse floor to be carpeted to prevent further head injury to himself), “Wow. This is really turning into the trip of a lifetime.”

“Yes, what happened is when the NAFTA talks with Canada were on the verge of collapse last week, your Foreign Affairs Minister Chrystia Freeland hired British dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes to tomato 🍅 Donald Trump’s buttocks and get him to do something to save the deal. After he was unable to sit down, Trump asked his son-in-law Jared Kushner to do something to save the talks. So Kushner went in at the last hour and saved the deal that became the USMCA,” Gali-Gula explained as he blew a twenty foot bubble with a piece of bubble gum.

“So it was Jared Kushner that saved our trade deal with the U.S.?” Justin sighed as the ET gray burst his bubble, “No wonder Ivanka turned down my marriage proposal.”

. . .

London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes was waiting outside Westminster Abbey where she was waiting for Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to show up.

Both Sherrielock and Dracul had been hired by Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to prevent a combined mermaid-Russian invasion of Israel.

As Dracul approached the lovely immortal dominatrix, Sherrielock said to him,

“Why, Dracul, what a big Cossack fur hat you have.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 10th
2018.

Permalink 9 Comments