UK Election 2019 Aftermath

December 13, 2019 at 11:57 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

UK Election 2019 Aftermath

The results of the UK General Election were in.

Out of 650 seats in the UK House of Commons, the Conservatives had won 365 (the same amount of days in a year), Labour had won 203 (the same amount of pickles that Jeremy Corbyn had in his jar of dill pickles and he himself was now in a pickle), the Scottish Nationalist Party had won 48 (the same amount of times that William Wallace had hit England’s King Edward I in the rear end with rocks fired from Wallace’s sling shot), the Liberal Democrats had won 11 (the hour the clock reads 1 hour before the stroke of midnight), the Democratic Ulster Party had won 8 (the number of days in a week in a song the Beatles had once sung about) and the other parties had seats adding up to 15 (Napoleon Bonaparte had met his Waterloo in the year 1815).

Liberal Democratic Party leader Jo Swinson had lost her own seat of East Dunbartonshire to a Scottish Nationalist.

British Transhumanist Party leader Renfield R. Renfield had won in his constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds defeating his nearest opponent Conservative candidate (and former MP) Agathor Christie by a plurality of over 48,000 votes.

Renfield’s Tranhumanist Party colleague the Welsh vampiress Morgana had likewise won in her constituency of Newbridge in Wales defeating her nearest opponent Labour candidate (and former MP) Magog Rhys Petley by a plurality of 6000 votes.

Both Agathor and Magog had returned to London today to re-open their private eyes’ agency they had now renamed the Double Losers Private Detective Agency.

. . .

Meanwhile in Rome, Pope Francis had received a congratulatory email sent to him today by the pastor of a Bible Presbyterian Church in Belfast, Northern Ireland.

The Northern Ireland Presbyterian pastor was congratulating Pope Francis for a remark he had made at yesterday’s Mass commemorating the Feast Day of Our Lady of Guadalupe.

During the Mass, Pope Francis said it would be “foolishness” for the Roman Catholic Church to bestow on the Virgin Mary the title “Co-Redemptrix”.

Cerberus down in Hades was anxious to get the late Rev. Ian Paisley’s take on the congratulatory email sent to Pope Francis.

Rev. Paisley was currently roasting away on a rotating rotisserie spit in Purgatory.

A bunch of demons had told Hades the god of the Underworld that it would probably be more of a punishment for Rev. Paisley if he roasted away in Purgatory (a place and a doctrine that he didn’t believe in) than if he roasted away in Tartarus aka Hell (a place and a doctrine he did believe in).

Rev. Paisley was too busy screaming to take the time to answer Cerberus’ question.

. . .

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was in the kitchen at 10 Downing Street helping himself to milk and cookies after a long and busy day of triumph.

He was wearing a night robe that was covered in the slogan LET’S GET BREXIT DONE.

There was a knock at the door of 10 Downing.

Johnson opened it.

It was German Chancellor Angela Merkel standing there with a tape recorder and a cue card reading SAY IT’S CAROLLERS.

“It’s carollers,” Johnson addressed his dog and his teddy bear who were standing on the carpet behind him.

Angela Merkel then held a series of cue cards saying how much she loved him and how much Germany loved Britain and wouldn’t he re-consider saying no to the Brexit divorce.

Afterwards, Johnson tossed his cookies down the toilet bowl.

. . .

The London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was startled to see the Scottish vampiress Wilhelmina Wallace (1st cousin to Scottish independence hero William Wallace) standing in his bedroom.

Wilhelmina Wallace had been turned into a vampiress by an evil Knights-Templar vampire back in the early 1300s.

Wilhelmina Wallace had first visited Set after the September 18th 2014 referendum on Scottish independence which the pro-independence side had lost.

Wilhelmina Wallace had correctly blamed Set for the YES side’s defeat.

She had beaten the merde out of Set on that occasion.

Now she warned Set not to interfere in any future Scottish independence referendums.

Set said okay.

Even Nefertiti Galore the Set Estate’s usually fierce guard and watch cat got out of Wilhelmina Wallace’s way when she left.

No one not even Egyptian deity vampire or martial arts cat dared interfere with a member of the Scots clan Wallace.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Friday December 13th
2019.

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Dashwood Forrest, The Empty Portrait and Hurricane Dorian

September 3, 2019 at 11:01 pm (Aesthetics, Art, Arts, Fantasy, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic, Gothic romance, History, Horror, International Intrigue, magic, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Philosophy, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Dashwood Forrest, The Empty Portrait and Hurricane Dorian

Dashwood Forrest sat in his office in his art gallery in London and quietly sipped a drink of absinthe.

The Green Fairy as it was called was one of the favourite drinks of his idol the writer, novelist, poet and playwright Oscar Wilde.

Forrest’s living dead Irish manservant Mulligan the Irish zombie (who had been brought back from the dead many years ago by South African witch doctor Dr. Sterling Makabo) was out for the evening.

Mulligan had been hired for the evening by British MP Renfield R. Renfield to haunt the residence of British Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn and stand outside the back entrance of Corbyn’s lodgings and say in a spookily haunting zombie voice (with an Irish lilt to it), “The Irish backstop ends at your back door, Mr. Corbyn. The Irish backstop ends at your backdoor.”

As Jeremy Corbyn began to suffer the worst nightmares of his life, Forrest finished his glass of absinthe, left his office and locked it.

He walked down to the end of the gallery where he entered a room marked PRIVATE.

No one (not even Mulligan the Irish zombie) ever entered that room.

Only he Dashwood Forrest art historian, art gallery curator and extraordinary gentleman of many talents ever entered that room.

For that room contained a portrait behind purple velvet curtains.

A portrait of a man.

A portrait of a man painted in the year 1860.

A portrait that was first mentioned in a book published in July 1890.

A book that most people (and even Dashwood Forrest himself for most of his life) had considered a work of fiction.

Until Forrest came across the painting in an estate sale back in October of 2012.

The picture was of a man named… Dorian Gray.

And the artist who signed the picture was named Basil Hallward.

The painting was of an extremely handsome young man in his early 20s.

Exactly as described in Oscar Wilde’s famous Gothic Philosophical novel of the 19th Century- The Picture of Dorian Gray.

Forrest drew back the purple velvet curtains that covered the painting and hid it from view.

Forrest got the shock of his life when he saw the portrait was empty.

There was no subject in the painting.

Dorian Gray was gone.

. . .

Forrest stared blankly at the blank canvas and blinked.

His smart phone went off.

It was a text message from his friend Amadeus Emanon.

A Set Enterprises satellite over the Bahamas had photographed the eye of the storm of Hurricane Dorian.

And a giant mysterious almost human figure seemed to be standing and moving with the eye of the storm in the hurricane.

Forrest again blinked.

For the figure was the spitting image of Dorian Gray.

The figure now missing from the painting.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Tuesday September 3rd
2019.


Sibyl: She loved Dorian in vain.

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