Obnoxious Idiot Jimmy Kimmel Torn Apart By Black Jaguar While CDC Acts Like Orwellian Animal Farm Pigs

September 9, 2021 at 11:00 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Television, Vampire novel) (, , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing another podcast.

Renfield was sitting at his desk reading his script in front of him.

Behind Renfield on the left hand side of a viewer’s screen was a statue of Confederate General Robert E. Lee riding his horse.

The statue of Lee and his horse stood atop a group of small Antifa rioter figurines who were crushed beneath the feet of Lee’s horse.

On the right hand side of the viewer’s screen was an oil painting of Sir Winston Churchill the great British wartime anti-Nazi leader who had recently been condemned and cancelled by Britain’s politically correct “woke” crowd who were anxious to show the world they were every bit as stupid and unbelievably low IQ types as America’s politically correct “woke” crowd.

In the middle of the screen directly behind Renfield’s back was what looked like an illustration that might have appeared on the cover of old 1970s Warren Publishing Company Horror Magazines of the types Vampirella, Creepy, Eerie or Famous Monsters of Filmland.

The illustration showed a voodoo witch doctor wearing a mask that looked much like Dr. Anthony Fauci giving what appeared to be a vaccine/serum injection to the brainless body of a zombie that seemed to be waking up and was now “woke”.

Renfield read his first news item,

“On September 1st 2021, the United States Center For Disease Control (CDC) updated its website’s definition of the word “vaccination” replacing the word “immunity” with the word “protection”.

Prior to September 1st 2021, the original definition of “vaccination” on the CDC’s website read,

VACCINATION: The act of introducing a vaccine into the body to produce immunity to a specific disease.

The definition of “vaccination” on the CDC’s website now reads,

VACCINATION: The act of introducing a vaccine into the body to produce protection from a specific disease.

So we’ve gone from “immunity” to “protection” in the newest CDC definition of “vaccination”.

The CDC are like the ruling pigs in George Orwell’s novella Animal Farm who changed the signs on the farm overnight to read something new.

Originally the sign read ALL ANIMALS ARE EQUAL.

But then the sign was changed to ALL ANIMALS ARE EQUAL BUT SOME ARE MORE EQUAL THAN OTHERS in order to explain the pigs becoming an elite like Farmer Jones had been.

Why is the CDC changing the defintion?

Because it’s admitting that the vaccine (which is actually a genetic modifier serum not a true vaccine) does not provide immunity to Covid-19 and its numerous variants.

Now it’s trying to say it provides protection.

It probably provides about the same degree of protection as that baffling “ear condum” the demonically possessed Lady Gaga mentions in her love song to Judas proclaiming Judas as the demon she clings to.

After all, Israel’s latest report on the Pfizer vaccine now shows it to be only 39% effective against the various variants of Covid-19.

Speaking of Orwellian attacks on language, the online Merriam-Webster Dictionary (called the Ministry of Truth in some circles) has redefined the word “Anti-Vaxxer” to include those who do not support forced vaccination.

On a side note, Dr. Anthony Fauci says that only half of CDC employees are vaccinated.

The CDC currently does not require any of its own staff to receive the Covid-19 vaccination.

And in another example of what might have been considered satire at one time but is actually happening, the National Archives Records Administration branch of the U.S. government is now placing a “harmful content” warning label on copies of the U.S. Constitution.

The National Archives Records Administration labeled the governing document of the United States of America as “harmful and difficult to view”.

The warning now applies to many documents across the Archives’ catalog website including the Bill of Rights and the Declaration of Independence.

Says NARA, “Some of the materials presented here may reflect outdated, biased, offensive and possibly violent views and opinions.”

I’m sure George III of England, Stalin, Hitler and Mao Tse-tung would positively agree.

And it would appear that Communists have now taken over most branches of the U.S. government.

How did that happen?

And how did the world not notice?

One would think we were sidelined by a global pandemic or plandemic or scamdemic or something.”

Renfield went on to his next news item.

Said Renfield,

“The Winston Churchill Memorial Trust in London has removed pictures of the wartime leader from its website and is going to be changing its name in the very near future.

This is an example of British “wokeness” at its worst.

I’m now going to drink a brandy and toast Winston Churchill. And to Hell with the woke crowd.”

Renfield drinks a brandy and moves on to his next news item.

Said Renfield,

“Late night TV talk show host and constantly grinning idiot Jimmy Kimmel, a man best described as Adolf Eichmann with a smile, says that unvaccinated people should not be treated in hospitals.”

At that moment, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of Simone Simon (as her character of Irena Dubrovna in the 1942 Jacques Tourneur directed horror film The Cat People) suddenly turn into a black jaguar and leap off the TV screen from a Late Night Cinema movie and jump into a TV screen where Jimmy Kimmel was blathering away his Vaccinazi-Coviet Pact nonsense.

She leapt on the obnoxious talk show host and tore him to bits with her claws and fangs.

The show’s announcer announced, “Time for a commercial break. And Jimmy won’t be back after this message.”

Simone Simon ends Jimmy Kimmel’s career.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday September 9th
2021.

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Renfield Performs Comedy Video Skit At 90th Academy Awards

March 4, 2018 at 11:59 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, Movies, News, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Renfield Performs Comedy Video Skit At 90th Academy Awards

Since there didn’t seem to be any rising new American politicians at the moment, the Oscars host Jimmy Kimmel decided to ask Britain’s rising new politician Renfield R. Renfield MP to perform a comedy video skit at this year’s Academy Awards that would be broadcast live via satellite transmission from London to Hollywood.

The theme for the 1 minute comedy skit that Renfield had been given was to play a character in a non-musical movie singing a song from a movie musical.

Renfield for his comedy skit decided that he’d play Christian Grey from the movie Fifty Shades of Grey singing a song Julie Andrews made famous in the musical The Sound of Music.

Renfield (as Christian Grey opening the door to the Red Room) singing,

“… Girls in white dresses all tied up with string,
these are a few of my favourite things…”

(On the floor of the Red Room were a bunch of beautiful women wearing white dresses all tied up with ropes)

Jimmy Kimmel immediately signalled to the technician to cut the live satellite 🛰 transmission from London.

Seeing as how Renfield R. Renfield was not Christian Grey, his video was deemed inappropriate for the post-Weinstein political climate of 2018 Hollywood.

Outrage on social media was immediate.

Various feminists posted Twitter tweets and Facebook statuses accusing Renfield of being misogynistic and holding patriarchal attitudes.

Sir Elton John tweeted that he enjoyed wearing white dresses and had never seen the Red Room and would Mr. Renfield please show him?

Hillary Clinton immediately made a YouTube video where she dressed up as the late Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini in drag and pronounced a feminist death fatwa on Renfield while writer Salman Rushdie mournfully sang the song Kumbaya in the background.

Numerous women hit Renfield with the Twitter hashtag #MeToo saying that the British MP was obviously guilty of sexually harassing women.

Since Renfield wisely did not have a Twitter account of his own (unlike some political bigmouth ignoramuses), he immediately hacked into Donald Trump’s Twitter account and responded with hashtags of his own:

@realDonaldTrump

#VirginLookingForHisFirstLay
#MeToo

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday March 4th
2018.

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Renfield and The Oscar Envelope Mix-up Fiasco

February 28, 2017 at 7:16 pm (Celebrities, Entertainment, Film, Movies, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield R. Renfield the genetically created shapeshifting hamster/human who was Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises was in the kitchen of the colossal mansion owned by his boss the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

Sitting alongside him in the kitchen was his friend and fellow employee Amadeus Emanon the genetically created personal concert pianist to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (Amadeus had been cloned from the DNA from locks of hair of composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, British actor Alan Rickman and California mass murderer Charles Manson).

Amadeus was busy working on his 12th plate of bacon and scrambled eggs and his 11th plate of pancakes smothered in Canadian maple syrup.

Upstairs the vampire Set was complaining to his butler and valet Athelstan about the increasing amount being spent on food in the household budget.

Back downstairs in the kitchen, Renfield still hadn’t finished one plate of bacon and scrambled eggs.

He was still busy reading email messages between Russian President Vladimir Putin and U.S. President Donald Trump having hacked into both countries’ secure national encrypted security systems. (more of a challenge than hacking into former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s private email server that she used when serving in that position but what the heck- challenges made life interesting).

“I noticed,” Amadeus wiped some scrambled eggs and maple syrup off his chin, “that you haven’t been around the house the past few days. Where were you?”.

“I was in Los Angeles,” Renfield took his sunglasses off and put them on the table.

“What were you doing in Los Angeles?” Amadeus asked while crunching on a slice of bacon, “Visiting the porn studios you own there?”.

“No,” Renfield put aside his autographed photos of actresses Akira Lane and Nicole Oring, “I was at the Academy Awards.”

Amadeus sat with his mouth open, “How did you manage to get in there? Were you with that bus tour group that Jimmy Kimmel brought in?”.

“Well,” Renfield started putting some pet hamster food and some ketchup atop his scrambled eggs, “if you recall, I was created with the genetic ability to be able to shapeshift into a hamster. So I just shapeshifted into a hamster and wandered all over the auditorium. On stage, backstage, in the audience,accidentally wound up in Matt Damon’s underwear (horror of horrors!) where I discovered he has a Jimmy Kimmel Loves Matt Damon and Vice-Versa heartshaped tattoo on his ass. I also managed to get into Salma Hayek’s underwear which I thoroughly enjoyed.”

“You filthy disgusting pervert,” Amadeus was shocked.

“Funny those words you just used happen to match the 10,000 most favourite sentences that other people seem to post on my Facebook timeline,” Renfield was reflective.

“Did you do anything else during the Oscars?” Amadeus asked.

“Well, while the PriceWaterhouse Coopers accountant was busy playing with a certain part of his anatomy while photographing actress Emma Stone backstage with his smart phone, I ran up and switched two red envelopes on him,” Renfield grinned broadly.

“You didn’t?” Amadeus looked horrified.

“I did,” Renfield stuck his chest out proudly, “ever since Dr. Cadbury Rocher told me at last year’s Set Enterprises’ Christmas party that part of my genetic make-up contains the DNA of Loki the Norse trickster god in Norse mythology, I am now endeavouring to become the greatest practical joker of the 21st Century.”

Amadeus lost his appetite (a rare occasion for him).

He stood up and walked over to the kitchen window.

He thought to himself that living with a kook like Renfield was like living in La La Land.

He opened the drapes of the kitchen window, noticed it was now nighttime and moonlight was starting to shine through.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 28th
2017.

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Dr. Hannibal Lecter Roast of Justin Bieber

April 1, 2015 at 6:59 pm (Celebrities, Commentary, Entertainment, Humour, Television, TV Shows, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Dr. Hannibal Lecter Roast of Justin Bieber

Renfield R. Renfield had been in a bad mood the past couple of days.

The mood started when Renfield had tuned in to the Comedy Network on satellite television from North America a couple of days ago to watch his favourite program on that network Frasier.

Frasier was a TV comedy show from the 1990s about a Seattle radio talk show psychiatrist who dispensed psychiatric advice on the airwaves.

Renfield found the show quite hilarious.

But the show Frasier had been pre-empted by that talk show hosted by that unfunny asshole Jimmy Kimmel- the show called Jimmy Kimmel Live (even though a far more satisfactory show would be one bearing the title Jimmy Kimmel Dead).

Renfield deduced that the entire night’s programming had been thrown into disarray by the Comedy Network hosting what it called The Roast of Justin Bieber that the Network had been monotonously yacking about in its commercials for the past month.

In the ads, it featured clips showing a bunch of losers that the intellectually challenged early 21st Century considered comedians telling a bunch of unfunny filthy mouthed insults about the planet’s biggest spoiled brat male celebrity.

So Renfield had been as mad as Howard Beale when the news anchorman found out he was losing his job in the 1976 Paddy Chayefsky satirical film Network.

He finally drifted off to sleep where he dreamed of watching a program called Dr. Hannibal Lecter’s Celebrity Roast of Justin Bieber.

Dr. Hannibal Lecter’s Celebrity Roast of Justin Bieber was pre-empting the program Jimmy Kimmel Live after the show’s host had been found dead in his dressing room killed by a hamster who was carrying a .44 Magnum.

On the show, Justin Bieber was screaming loudly (although his fans just thought he was singing a new song) as Dr. Hannibal Lecter poured gravy over his head while the blonde and heavily tattooed spoiled brat roasted away in a nice cozy steaming hot cauldron.

Dr. Lecter (putting on a pair of surgical gloves): And now it’s time to put the stuffing up this turkey’s rear end…

(Justin Bieber started screaming even more loudly)

Renfield smiled in his sleep.

He was enjoying this show thoroughly.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 1st
2015.

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