Michelangelo’s Vision of Dementia Prone Joe Biden and Satanic Airhead Alyssa Milano

May 2, 2020 at 10:26 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Vision of Dementia Prone Joe Biden and Satanic Airhead Alyssa Milano

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was playing Solitaire with his deck of waterproof playing cards using his lobster claws when he suddenly picked up a TV news bulletin from the future on his psychic lobster antennae.

Announcer: The American Psychiatric Association spokesman went on to define Trump Derangement Syndrome as a mental imbalance which the most partisan Democrats in America are extremely prone to. A condition by which the most partisan Democrats become so mentally unhinged by the mentally deranged Donald Trump that they start developing positions which while representative of opposing viewpoints to Trump are about as equally mentally unbalanced and equally dangerous as those espoused by Mr. Trump.
In other news, satanic witch airhead Alyssa Milano brushed off the sexual assault that dementia prone Joe Biden tried to pull off on Ms. Milano last night when he broke into her apartment wearing a Bill Clinton mask.
Mr. Biden tried to force himself on Ms. Milano by taking off her bathrobe.
His attempt at coitus was suddenly interrupted when he started screaming “Stella!” and then started screaming that he may have missed “a streetcar named Desire”.
The senile Presidential candidate started rummaging through her bathroom medicine cabinet but was unable to find any Viagra.
He had to be carried out in a straight jacket.
Mr. Biden is expected to name his Vice-Presidential running mate sometime in the next half hour in a hastily called looney bin press conference.
Ms. Milano said she doesn’t intend to press charges against Joe Biden “because he’s a man I admire and respect. Plus we both appear to be on the same wavelength mentally speaking. And he’s needed to defeat Donald Trump.”

. . .

Former weightlifter, movie actor and California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger was doing another one of his livestream video podcasts to keep people entertained during the worldwide Covid-19 lockdown.

The former Terminator star was busy screaming his head off as the podcast began.

Schwarzenegger (in his thick Austrian accent): “You must excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. But my recently purchased pet goat Doctor Dolittle’s Revenge just stuck his goat horns up my buttocks. Something which I must confess I found an exceedingly painful experience.
So please don’t try this at home.
However as I drink this milk and munch on these cookies, I’m starting to feel much better now.
And now I must conclude my podcast. And remember, ladies and gentlemen. Stay home. Stay safe.”

Schwarzenegger starts screaming again when his pet goat Doctor Dolittle’s Revenge once again shoves his goat horns up the ex-Terminator’s buttocks.

. . .

The Irish Jewish science-fiction writer George Finneganburg had been watching the ex-Terminator’s podcast on his computer.

For the past few nights, the nuns from the convent in the movie The Sound of Music had been haunting his dreams constantly singing, “How do you solve a problem like Akira?…”

Akira was the name of his Japanese sex robot in his dystopian Sci-Fi story who had gone far beyond Westworld bad.

Seeing what a goat had just done to the ex-Terminator killer robot, perhaps he could find a way of working a goat into his story when Akira starts singing that old Joni Mitchell song, “I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now…”

. . .

Pope Francis was having a conversation with Phoenix Diabolicus the demon who was the Vicar of Lucifer on Earth.

“I must say my boss is pleased with the way you have allowed the governments of the world to prevent people from receiving the Sacraments particularly the Mass all over the planet,” Phoenix Diabolicus smiled, “This will increase the chances of more and more people becoming diabolically possessed if they don’t have access to the Sacraments. Someone like John Paul II or even Benedict XVI would have raised a major fuss if public celebration of the Mass had been forbidden particularly like what is happening in U.S. states governed by anti-Life and pro-sexual perversion Democratic Party governors.”

“I’m always happy to oblige the demons Baal and Baphomet,” Pope Francis viewed the latest ecumenical document his gay lavender mafia Jesuit ghost writer had written which he was about to put his own name of authorship to.

“Now the Boss wants to know what you intend to do about the Latin Tridentine Mass?” Phoenix Diabolicus sipped a Caesar’s cocktail, “He hates that Mass most of all.”

“Well I’ve recently instructed my bureaucrats to send out a survey to the bishops of the world asking them questions and their opinion of Summorum Pontificum which was Pope Benedict XVI’s July 2007 Apostolic Letter which said that priests could celebrate the Latin Mass without needing the permission of their usually obscurantist bishops,” Francis sipped a bottle of Corona beer whose label had been personally autographed by the Inca earth mother goddess Pachamama, “When we get the survey back, all those surveys where the diocesan bishops answered they disapproved of Summorum Pontificum will be forwarded to most of the world news media. Those surveys where the diocesan bishops answered they approve of Summorum Pontificum will be forwarded to most of the Vatican departments’ garbage bins.”

“I knew we could count on you, Jorge,” Phoenix Diabolicus lit himself a Cuban cigar.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 2nd
2020.

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Renfield, Two Popes, An Epidemic and American Politics

March 6, 2020 at 11:28 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Renfield, Two Popes, An Epidemic and American Politics

“For those people who always wondered what it was like to live in the 14th Century, you’re about to find out. We’ve got two living Popes (one of whom is most likely an Antipope) and a mass epidemic going on.”

-Renfield R. Renfield MP

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was once again being interviewed on a British news program.

BBC Interviewer: So going across the Pond (a goldfish leapt from one pond to another directly behind the interviewer) and taking a look at U.S. politics, what is your take on the past week?

Renfield: Well it appears that most of the Democratic Party establishment has come to the conclusion that the only candidate who can defeat Donald Trump is senile Joe Biden. The Centre For Disease Control in Atlanta should really start examining the possibility that Joe Biden’s senility is contagious as it seems to have spread to the rest of the Democratic Party.

Interviewer (clearing his throat): What about the claim now being made that America is not yet ready for a female President? As the three leading contenders for President all seem to be white straight males in their 70s?

Renfield: Yes, every asshole and his shit licking dog seems to be making the claim that America is not yet ready for a female President and are whining and snivelling about it on social media whether it’s their blog posts, Twitter or Facebook. With the exception of Rep. Tulsi Gabbard of Hawaii, every woman who ran for the Democratic Party nomination this time around isn’t really worth writing home about. Never mind electing them President.

Interviewer: So you’re saying that most of the women candidates who were running for President this year just aren’t worth it?

Renfield: Brilliant deduction as my friend the ghost of Sherlock Holmes would say. There’s a new American TV show out called Tommy whose premise is about the first woman to be appointed Chief of the Los Angeles Police Force. In one of the trailer commercials for the episode, Chief Tommy tells an associate, “If I don’t do my job exceptionally well , it will be another 30 years before another woman is named Chief of Police for LA.” If any of the bimbos running for President (Tulsi Gabbard is the only woman candidate who isn’t a bimbo) had won the Presidency this year, it would have been another 60 years before another woman is elected President of the U.S. And if a certain spirit cooking witch and sampler of Roman Polanski and Jeffrey Epstein style pizza toppings had been elected President in 2016, it would have been another 200 years before another woman was elected President of the United States. That is if she hadn’t destroyed the planet in an exchange of nuclear weapons with Russia’s Vladimir Putin first. Which is probably what would have happened if the Trump Failed To Lock Her Up Witch had won the 2016 election.

Interviewer (shifting uncomfortably in his arm chair): So making another brilliant deduction, I take it you’d support Tulsi Gabbard if you lived in the U.S.

Renfield: Yes, as further proof that great minds think alike, my friend the vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and I only thought highly of 3 candidates running for the Democratic Party nomination – John Hickenlooper, Andrew Yang and Tulsi Gabbard.
Two of those have dropped out. And only Tulsi remains. And the Democratic Party establishment will certainly ensure that she doesn’t get the nomination since she wants to put an end to America’s insane policy of endless regime change wars – which is supported by both major parties – Republican and Democrat.

Interviewer: So what about this argument that in America in 2020, you have to be white, male, straight and septuagenarian to be President.

Renfield: Just further proof that most media commentators in the mainstream media and pompous pontificators on social media have the same amount of knowledge of history. Which is to say- nil. If these people had ever bothered studying the extremely unusual mentor/protege relationship that went on between mentor Roy Cohn (former chief legal counsel to Sen. Joe McCarthy in the 1950s) and his young protege Donald Trump back in the 1970s, they wouldn’t label Trump with the epithet “straight”.
It would be more appropriate to have that old country/western song “This Door Swings Both Ways” playing in the background.
And I’ll wager that if Australia’s infamous Uncle Ernie “came a Waltzing Matilda” through the doors of the Oval Office wearing only his pink sequined g-string, Trump would be putting on a Celine Dion Vegas show style evening dress and breaking into a chorus of one of Celine’s old hits, “It’s all coming back to me now… ”
Then what will probably happen is that Trump’s evangelical church prayer group will walk into the Oval Office just as Trump and Uncle Ernie are in the heights of Apollo-Hyacinth like passion and get the shock of their lives.
They will be followed seconds later by the ghost of Salvador Dali who will walk in and likewise get the shock of his afterlife.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 6th
2020.

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Pan Goatee Strikes Again, Joe Biden’s Increasing Senility, Cthulhu Rises Over Hong Jong and Star of Azazel Rises In The Middle East

September 17, 2019 at 10:55 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee Strikes Again, Joe Biden’s Increasing Senility, Cthulhu Rises Over Hong Kong and Star of Azazel Rises In Middle East

Pan Goatee was walking back from the shopping centre when he suddenly encountered 4 people walking down the sidewalk.

He noticed 3 somewhat attractive girls and another person he assumed was male.

However when he got closer, he noticed the person he thought was male was actually a hideously repulsively ugly female gargoyle.

Goatee promptly beheaded the gargoyle and cut her up into 666 trillion pieces for good measure.

Goatee then beheaded the 3 attractive looking girls remarking, “If you’re going to be walking around with someone that ugly, there is no doubt that that ugliness is probably highly contagious.”

He moved with a swiftness that would have done a WHO (World Health Organization) Crisis Epidemic Action Team proud in the way he quickly contained the potential ugliness epidemic.

. . .

BBC News Announcer on Headlines News: U.S. Democratic Presidential Candidate Joe Biden (who may or may not be senile to paraphrase an expression often used in conversations between a vampire novelist and a science-fiction writer) shocked the media and campaign audiences last week with his whopper of a tall tale on how he encountered his first black person.
According to Mr. Biden’s incoherent ramblings on that day, he encountered his first black person while working as a white life guard in a blacks only swimming pool.
Today Mr. Biden told the media and audiences that he encountered his first Chinese person while eating Chinese food in a Chinese restaurant. He added that he encountered his first gay person when he was sodomized in the rear end in an all male Health Club sauna room…

. . .

Some of the pro-democracy protestors in Hong Kong were becoming more violent thanks to Cthulhu’s leadership efforts.
On the other side, the Black Dragon (supernatural entity advisor to China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping) was encouraging pro-Beijing one China civilian hoodlums to attack and club peaceful pro-democracy protestors while the Hong Kong police stood around and watched while consuming vast quantities of coffee and donuts prior to going back and shooting tear gas and rubber bullets at protestors.

Cthulhu thought it would only be a matter of time before Beijing actively intervened.

Therefore for his own part, he was hoping to get the U.S. military involved in the Hong Kong conflict.

But how?

Cthulhu had a video conferencing call with the demon Mephistopheles who had a great deal of influence in the Trump Administration.

Cthulhu hoped to bring Mephistopheles on board into getting the U.S. military involved in the Battle for Hong Kong.


Mephistopheles: Having a video conferencing call with Cthulhu the Great Old One from the Nemo Point of the South Pacific

. . .

The demon Asmodeus was sitting in a lox cream and bagel shop in Tel Aviv watching the Israeli election results come in.

“It looks like another minority government,” the chain smoking Asmodeus remarked to the Norse trickster god Loki who was eating a plate of lutefisk.

“That would appear to be the case,” Loki was now vaping an e-cigarette lethally laced with a combination of Canadian marijuana and Jim Beam doused Australian cactus plant.

“So who do you think is responsible for the attack on the Saudi oil refinery this past weekend?” Asmodeus asked Loki, “The Houthis? The Iranians themselves?”.

“Well, the mighty Thor thinks it was an Israeli operation to get Saudi Arabia and the U.S. into waging war on Iran in order to save Benjamin Netanyahu’s sagging political career,” Loki used a large bottle of vodka to wash the lutefisk down.

“Really?” Asmodeus lit himself another dozen cigarettes which he smoked simultaneously.

Meanwhile over Jerusalem, the Netanyahu government was using a great search light to cast the non-Gotham City bat signal into the night sky to summon the mysterious Mossad operative called Star of Azazel.

-A vampire novel chapterĀ 
written by Christopher
Tuesday September 17th
2019.

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