Renfield’s January 12th 2023 ₱odcast

January 12, 2023 at 11:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

  • Beautiful female Russian agent listens to British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield’s Thursday January 12th 2023 ₱odcast
  • British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield was doing a Thursday night ₱odcast for January 12th 2023.
  • Said Renfield, “This ₱ast Tuesday January 10th 2023, the Biden Administration announced that they will start training Ukrainian soldiers on American soil.”
  • Continued Renfield, “Then yesterday Wednesday January 11th 2023, all airflights across the U.S. were grounded for 90 minutes after a com₱uter glitch for an FAA air safety system occurred. It was the first time all American ₱lanes were suddenly grounded since 9/11.”
  • Renfield then ₱oured himself a glass of Scotch whisky live on air, “To think I’ll have to have this with haggis this coming Robbie Burns Day. Anyhow, who would have the ca₱ability and resources to bring American air travel to a halt?”.
  • Renfield then addressed senile old fool Joe Biden, “Joe, if you’re going to ₱iss in Vladimir ₱utin’s tea, then ex₱ect him to turn around and kick you in your wrinkled testicles.”
  • -A vam₱ire novel
  • written by Christo₱her
  • Thursday January 12th
  • 2023

    Permalink 4 Comments

  • Renfieldian S₱eech and ₱odcast January 10th 2023

    January 10, 2023 at 9:31 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

  • Woman listening to British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield’s Tuesday January 10th 2023 ₱odcast while doing a modelling shoot
  • British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield had been invited to s₱eak at a local Catholic Teachers’ Association Conference in southern England. The Chairman of the Conference, Adam Newton, had invited Renfield without bothering to listen to any of Renfield’s ₱odcasts or reading his ₱revious s₱eeches.
  • Mr. Newton introduced Renfield amidst much murmuring, coughing and clearing of throats by members of the audience.
  • Renfield a₱₱roached the ₱odium and micro₱hone and began his s₱eech, “The uns₱oken of ₱ink ele₱hant in the room of the Catholic Church is that Francis is a fruity fag ₱ansy homosexual heretical a₱ostate and a satanic Anti₱o₱e…”
  • Adam Newton immediately lost his ₱osition on the Executive of the local Catholic Teachers’ Association after Renfield’s s₱eech and Renfield’s name was ₱ut on a Blacklist and sent to Catholic Teachers’ Associations across the British Isles.
  • Renfield went back to London and did a Tuesday evening ₱odcast in his room in the billionaire ancient Egy₱tian vam₱ire Set’s colossal West London mansion.
  • Began Renfield, “The Three Stooges of the North American continent met in Mexico City today. Senile old fool Joe Biden, Canadian Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Castro “Sauron’s feces” Trudeau and Mexican ₱resident Andres Manuel Lo₱ez Obrador. The three naturally issued a statement condemning the recent ha₱₱enings in the Brazilian ca₱ital of Brasilia on January 8th describing the attem₱ted anti-Communist u₱rising in Brazil as “an attack on democracy”. Similar idiotic statements were issued by the Neo-Stalinist commissars of the Euro₱ean Union as well as at the Vatican (no doubt interru₱ting im₱ortant bathhouse steambath sauna time in those hallowed corridors as they exited to issue the statements). We now know what the o₱inion of the ruling elites of North America and the Euro₱ean Union are in regard to defining the term “democracy”. “Democracy” is to be equated with corru₱tion-ridden ballot stuffing Communist theft of elections.”
  • -A vam₱ire novel cha₱ter
  • written by Christo₱her
  • Tuesday January 10th
  • 2023.

    Permalink 2 Comments

  • Vladimir Putin Dreams He’s In A 1920s Berlin Cabaret

    October 10, 2022 at 9:41 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

    And Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff was the cabaret singer that Vladimir Putin saw in the 1920s Berlin cabaret of his dreams

    Russian President Vladimir Putin was dreaming that he was in a cabaret in Berlin Germany in the 1920s.

    There on the stage seated on a draped sofa and wearing an incredibly sexy outfit was Vladimir Putin’s friend Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff the owner of The Catherine The Great Moscow Hilton Hotel in 2020s Moscow Russia.

    Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff had just finished singing the Marlene Dietrich song Falling In Love Again (Can’t Help It) at the cabaret stage microphone.

    The ghost of Orson Welles who was also in Putin’s dream (and sitting at a table across from Putin) remarked as he sipped from a bottle of Paul Masson Wine made in 1886, “I didn’t think Falling In Love Again (Can’t Help It) was written until 1930 when Marlene Dietrich first sang it in the 1930 German film The Blue Angel (or Der Blaue Engel as the Germans would say). And my antique Japanese watch tells me that we are currently in the decade of the 1920s. But thanks to Martian shortwave radio interference, I can’t tell the exact year.”

    As Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff sat at the side of the stage, on the main part of the stage photographic images were starting to appear on the background mirror of the cabaret stage.

    The photographic images showed Russian President Vladimir Putin making out with various high-priced call girls in The Catherine The Great Moscow Hilton Hotel in 2020s Moscow Russia.

    “What the f–k!” Putin said although he said it in Russian.

    Adolf Hitler who was dressed in a pair of Bavarian lederhosen and silk nylon stockings and clutching the buttocks of his niece Geli Raubal pointed at Putin and said, “Decadent schvien.”

    Joe Biden (who had the Gadarene swine permanently stuck in his lower intestines) and his son Hunter (who were both surrounded by young teenaged girls in a Jeffrey Epstein choreographed ensemble) pointed at Putin and said, “Decadent schvein.”

    Justin Trudeau (who was attempting to have conjugal relations with his blackfaced image in a mirror) pointed at Putin and said, “Decadent schvein.”

    Meanwhile at Set Enterprises in London, Set Enterprises scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague was watching on a computer screen as Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had been inside Vladimir Putin’s dreams the past few hours and was directing what was happening inside them.

    “All going well, Doctor?” British MP Renfield R. Renfield asked as he ate a tuna fish sandwich.

    “It is,” Dr. Montague nodded, “Hopefully we’ll have convinced Vladimir Putin not to launch a nuclear attack on Ukraine or the West. Otherwise these photos will be released all over the world and not just on the background mirror of a 1920s Berlin cabaret stage.”

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Monday October 10th
    2022.

    Permalink Leave a Comment

    Dr. Marmalade Montague Investigates Causes of Sulphuric Explosions

    September 28, 2022 at 11:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

    Dr. Marmalade Montague was a scientist who worked at Set Enterprises in London.

    Even though he had no official background in science.

    He had owned a bakery in Paris that went out of business during the 2020 plandemic lockdown under the orders of France’s Neo-Vichy tyrant Emmanuel Macron.

    Still Marmalade Montague knew more about science than most of the so-called health “experts” who dispensed bad advice by the manure filled truckload during the plandemic of 2020-2021.

    Dr. Marmalade Montague’s current project was investigating the causes of sulphurous explosions.

    For this purpose he had sent Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun (who was the son of Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom) to the Yellowstone Caldera Supervolcano in Yellowstone National Park to pick up a sample of sulphurous contents bubbling up from the ground.

    While Yaldabaoth was there using a baby bottle to pick up a sample from one of the bubbling craters, the crater had a major explosion.

    Luckily for Yaldabaoth, being a leprechaun, he was immortal so the explosion didn’t kill him.

    However it did put a dent into his plans to spend a night at the Moonlite BunnyRanch in Nevada as he could hardly go into the place smelling like rotten eggs.

    The explosion did however kill a sasquatch who was walking by.

    The sasquatch was currently in the process of litigation (a major lawsuit) against the man codenamed PH Unbalanced by Britain’s MI-6 Agency and the man considered the world’s most boring author.

    The world’s most boring author had written a novel claiming that this sasquatch had murdered the world’s most boring sheriff’s deputy.

    The claim was in fact true but what the sasquatch objected to was being written about and included as a character in a novel that was so unbelievably colossally boring.

    He hadn’t been able to get a date since the novel was published as most female sasquatch and even a few gay, bisexual and transgendered sasquatch considered him too boring to date.

    The sasquatch had gone to a City of Laramie Wyoming law firm to launch a lawsuit against the world’s most boring author PH Unbalanced filing the claim that “being included as a character in the world’s most boring novel written by the world’s most boring author had totally ruined his sex life”.

    Now as a result of the sulphurous explosion, the sasquatch was dead.

    Yaldabaoth after several months of showering would be able to have a sex life again.

    The poor sasquatch being dead could not.

    Dr. Marmalade Montague was also investigating the cause of Joe Biden’s sulphurous bowel movements alluded to into final (and end of life) reports written by some of the world’s late top secret agents in spy agencies.

    For that, Dr. Marmalade Montague was using the visions of Michelangelo the psychic lobster.

    Apparently back on January 28th 2021 (7 days after Biden was inaugurated having successfully stolen the 2020 U.S. Presidential election), senile old Joe had been invited to speak at a United Jewish Appeal dinner in New York City in March of that year.

    He was not to be the number one speaker however.

    He was to be the number two speaker (which was appropriate for Joe).

    The number one speaker was to be the well known Jewish Rastafarian and self described “independent pharmaceutical manufacturer” from Australia known by the popular moniker of Uncle Ernie (assuming of course that Uncle Ernie wouldn’t be in jail in Australia “drummed up on some nefarious charges brought against him by the government” as Uncle Ernie would put it).

    The fallen archangel Mephistopheles (who was one of Joe Biden’s 3 supernatural advisors along with Baal and Baphomet) had recommended to Joe that he send someone to try to find the remains of the Gadarene swine at the bottom of the Sea of Galilee and bring them to the U.S. for Joe Biden to eat the remains prior to giving his number two speech to the United Jewish Appeal dinner in New York City.

    The Gadarene swine of course had been possessed by the demons known as Legion and had been sent by Jesus Christ into the swine after Jesus had successfully exorcised a man known as the Gadarene demoniac.

    The swine then charged into the Sea of Galilee.

    Thus acting on orders from Joe Biden, the American Deep State set about to recover the remains of the Gadarene swine at the bottom of the Sea of Galilee.

    Israeli Mossad agent Anna Chador to a Tel Aviv based scuba diver: “Would you be able to dive to the bottom of the Sea of Galilee and see if the remains of the Gadarene swine are still down there and if they are to bring them up to the surface?”.

    He: Yes.

    Unfortunately for Biden and Mephistopheles, those agencies associated with the American Deep State such as the CIA were having a top secret convention at Area 51 (remember this was the time of the plandemic and everything and everyone was supposed to be in lockdown) and the treats at this top secret convention were Australian Uncle Ernie’s independently made pharmaceuticals.

    Thus after the convention, the CIA were in no shape whatsoever to go looking for the remains of the Gadarene swine at the bottom of the Sea of Galilee.

    However there were plenty of reports of sightings of UFOs and ETs at Area 51 after this convention.

    Thus the spaced-out CIA outsourced the mission to the Israeli Mossad.

    The task was assigned to one of Israel’s top female agents Anna Chador and after consulting with a Tel Aviv based scuba diver, a deep sea mission was undertaken and the Gadarene Swine were found perfectly preserved at the bottom of the Sea of Galilee.

    The bodies were raised from the depths and then flown to Washington DC.

    Hell’s Kitchen chef Gordon Ramsay was brought in to cook the remains at the White House.

    He made pork chops out of them which he topped with his famous homemade Sriracha laced apple sauce.

    Joe Biden ate all of the Gadarene swine pork chops and apple sauce leaving the other guests at dinner hungry and awestruck at the senile old fool’s ravenous appetite.

    The Gadarene swine pork chops and apple sauce remained fully stuck in Joe Biden’s intestines and could never be removed (something the fallen Archangel Mephistopheles knew would happen).

    The direct result of the Gadarene swine pork chops and Sriracha laced homemade apple sauce being forever stuck in Biden’s intestines would be that he would always have sulphurous explosive bowel movements.

    It was fortunate that the New York Chapter of the United Jewish Appeal decided to have their dinner and speeches via Zoom due to the plandemic.

    The secret service agents guarding Biden on the night of his United Jewish Appeal Zoom dinner speech were not so lucky.

    In an effort to boost the profits of the pharmaceutical manufacturing investments of one Dr. Anthony Fauci, the cause of the secret service agents’ deaths was listed as Covid rather than sulphurous fumes.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Wednesday September 28th
    2022.

    Permalink 27 Comments

    Joe Biden’s Connection To Balor of the Evil Eye

    September 27, 2022 at 10:52 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

    The 3 Fates of Greek Mythology: Do they control humanity’s fate?

    Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was having images of NASA attacking an asteroid and then a Chinese naval cruiser and a Russian submarine off the coast of Alaska.

    Then he had a vision of the 3 Fates of Greek mythology (the 3 Moirai) cutting a whole bunch of thread.

    A massive amount of thread.

    Michelangelo started to scream as Gaia burst into flames.

    Then he had another vision.

    Joe Biden in the Oval Office.

    An aide entered.

    “Mr. President, the local DC chapter of the Mormon Genealogical Society has been doing research into your family background,” said his aide.

    “Genie what?” Asked Biden, “Is that going around rubbing magic lamps and a huge tall entity pops out granting you 3 wishes?”.

    “No, Mr. President,” the aide shook his head, “They’ve discovered that you’re a direct descendant of Balor of the Evil Eye who was the leader of the Fomorians (also Fomorii) who are mentioned in numerous Irish myths and legends.”

    “Is that a good thing?” Joe Biden sniffed the hair of a voodoo doll who was made in the image of Kamala Harris.

    “Possibly, Mr. President,” his aide said, “Anyways Utah Sen. Mitt Romney is going to preside over a special ceremony in a Mormon temple where the spirit of your ancestor Balor of the Evil Eye will be posthumously baptised into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.”

    “And does Pope Francis approve of this?” Biden accidentally stapled the doll’s hair together.

    A scream came from down the hall.

    “Absolutely, the Holy Father absolutely approves,” his aide nodded, “He would attend the ceremony in person himself but that’s his bingo night on the day the ceremony is being held.”

    “What a bummer,” Biden said.

    Coincidentally at that moment, Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg happened to walk by.

    “Does that mean,” a British aide with a classical education asked, “That the President is also descended from the Irish sun-god Lugh since Lugh is the grandson of Balor after Cian (who had his cow stolen by Balor) went to Balor’s home on Tory Island and made out with Balor’s daughter Ethlinn producing Lugh.”

    “I’m afraid not,” the American aide shook his head, “In a story not recounted in Irish myths and legends but recorded in the journals of the last Archbishop of Glastonbury (who was beheaded by Mordred and was last seen carrying his head across the lake in a beautiful pea green stone boat that sailed over to the Isle of Avalon there to be buried with Arthur), Balor of the Evil Eye also made out with an ugly looking Greek sea hag called Olyveoyle.”

    “He did?” Biden sucked on the nipples of the voodoo doll causing another scream to come from the office down the hall.

    “Yes,” the aide nodded, “His one eye, his evil eye popped out when he first saw Olvyeoyle causing the ancient Greeks to call him Popeye. This happened in the Garden of Spinach on the island of Crete. Anyhow Balor fought with a sailor called Brutus Jr. who was the time travelling son of a 1st Century BC Roman Senator for Olyve’s hand. Brutus was stabbed in the backside and died causing his unrequited Spartan male lover to write odes of poetry in Brutus’ honour. Balor and Olyveoyle had a kid called Sweet Pea because he apparently loved eating sweet peas. You’re descended from Sweet Pea.”

    “I am?” Biden bit the buttocks of the voodoo doll.

    A third scream came from down the hall.

    Atropos the 3rd Fate decided that now was the time to cut the thread.

    Michelangelo awakened from his dream.

    Or was it a vision?

    -A vampire novel chapter
    Written by Christopher
    Tuesday September 27th
    2022.

    Permalink 6 Comments

    Athelstan The Valet Listens To Portions of Renfield’s Podcast

    September 22, 2022 at 11:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

    The Greek goddess Hera listens to British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s Thursday night podcast.

    She was horrified by the possibility that Russian President Vladimir Putin might launch a nuclear attack on the West.

    Renfield seemed to have insider information from Russia as well as knowing the contents of the Third Secret of Fatima (whose text the Vatican claimed to have released back in 2000 but they lied. They only released a vision associated with the secret not the secret itself).

    Hera decided she must do something.

    She didn’t want to see the destruction of planet Earth.

    She got in touch with the Byzantine vampiress Theodora who in her mortal life had been the Byzantine Empress Theodora the wife of the Byzantine Emperor Justinian I.

    Theodora had been turned into a vampiress on June 28th 548 AD by the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith.

    Otherwise Theodora would have died from cancer.

    “Hello,” Theodora picked up her phone at her estate in Athens, Greece.

    . . .

    Senile old fool Joe Biden was not listening to Renfield’s Thursday night podcast.

    He was sniffing the needles on his marijuana smoking cactus planet which inhaled marijuana cigarettes and then exhaled marijuana smoke.

    Biden believed the cactus needles were the hair of The Woman In Green.

    The Woman In Green was the name of a 1945 Universal Pictures Sherlock Holmes film with Basil Rathbone as Holmes and Nigel Bruce as Dr. Watson that he watched on late night television last night.

    “Mr. President,” one of his aides entered the Oval Office.

    “Ow,” Joe pricked his nose on a cactus needle, “What is it?”.

    “The wealthy residents of Martha’s Vineyard are once again complaining about immigrants being sent there,” his aide said.

    “Who’s sending immigrants this time?” Biden wiped his nose with a used diaper, “Ron DeSantis or Greg Abbot?”.

    “Greg Abbott the Governor of Texas,” his aide answered, “But this recent batch of immigrants are different. These are zombie 15th Century Aztec warriors recently raised from the dead in Mexico by a South African witch doctor at the behest of the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec who’s the goddaughter of the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl (whom Utah Sen. Mitt Romney being Mormon thinks is the person of Jesus Christ when he visited the Americas according to Mormon teaching).”

    “Why did Qonzilqointec send these zombie 15th Century Aztec warriors across the Mexico-U.S. border anyways?” Biden asked. “And does this Qonzilqointec have nice hair? Is it worth sniffing?”.

    “Qonzilqointec is very beautiful, she does have nice hair and it probably is worth sniffing,” his aide explained.

    “This new King Charles III of England was quite cranky when I sniffed the flowers on his mother’s coffin quite intently as the cameras looked away,” Biden recalled, “He asked me what the Hell I was doing? It was quite sad that it was a closed casket funeral. I quite enjoyed sniffing Her Majesty’s hair when she was alive. I wonder if…”

    “Mr. President, to answer your 1st question,” his aide interjected, “The reason Qonzilqointec sent these living dead Aztec warriors across the border was to re-annex parts of the U.S. to a revived Aztec Empire.”

    “But I don’t think Martha’s Vineyard in Massachusetts was ever part of the Aztec Empire,” Joe Biden reflected.

    “It is now,” another aide entered the room.

    . . .

    Athelstan the butler and valet to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was doing his daily housecleaning duties around the Set Estate mansion.

    British MP Renfield R. Renfield (who lived in the mansion) was doing his Thursday night podcast from his bedroom.

    Athelstan occasionally listened in before going on to his next cleaning job.

    As he passed the room, he heard Renfield say, “They are a bunch of Belgian waffles who have fruits all over them…”

    “Is Renfield talking about breakfast?” Athelstan asked Amadeus Emanon as he walked by.

    “No,” Athelstan shook his head, “I think he’s talking about the Belgian Conference of (supposedly) Catholic Bishops who have voted to approve blessing gay unions.”

    Athelstan dusted Set’s statue of Napoleon.

    He walked by Renfield’s room where he heard Renfield say, “The Vatican is a Communist craphole…”

    When he finished dusting Set’s nude statue of Pauline Borghese as Venus Victrix, he passed Renfield’s room again where Renfield asked, “What does Joe Biden have in common with the Vatican?”.

    When he had finished dusting the statue of Queen Cleopatra, again he passed Renfield’s room where Renfield said, “Meanwhile in other news, U.S. Vice-President Kamala Harris is bitching that a group of zombie 15th Century Aztec warriors have taken over her house…”

    -A vampire novel chapter
    Written by Christopher
    Thursday September 22nd
    2022.

    Permalink 14 Comments

    Pan Goatee Beheads Uglos At Bus Stop As Demon Buffalo Watches

    September 7, 2022 at 10:25 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

    It was a very peculiar mist in the city.

    It came out of nowhere and started eating people.

    As if it was an invisible man-eating plant turned to low-lying mist.

    Eugenicist billionaire Bill Gates was travelling in the city incognito.

    He had heard there were all sorts of weird genetic and breeding experiments going on in the city.

    He was puzzled by the mist.

    “I must look into this further,” he mused.

    His limousine pulled up and he got in.

    Nearby the world-famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was about to enter a donut shop.

    As he looked through the window, he noticed a really repulsive looking uglo sitting there with her little brat.

    The satyr decided not to enter the donut shop.

    Instead he went to a bus stop to take the bus home.

    As he stood there waiting for the bus to show up, Pan Goatee noticed the repulsive looking uglo with her little brat leaving the donut shop.

    The repulsive looking uglo and her little brat then crossed the street and started walking in the direction of the bus stop.

    “Don’t tell me that the repulsive looking uglo and her little brat are headed towards this bus stop,” Goatee said.

    “All right, I won’t tell you that,” Krampus picked his nose while waiting to pick up the remains of what would most likely be the satyr’s latest uglocide and bratocide.

    Krampus was quite correct.

    Pan threw his astral laser machete at the obnoxious duo.

    The machete beheaded the repulsive looking uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

    It then beheaded the uglo’s brat and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

    Krampus had already packed up the remains and put them in his sack for delivery to Tartarus by the time the bus arrived.

    As the bus pulled up, two fat ugly looking blimps then proceeded to get off the front of the bus.

    “You may not want to leave just yet,” the Demon Buffalo remarked to Krampus as the former, in cannibalistic Italian film festival fashion, ate a buffalo flavoured popsicle and the latter was just about to enter the multidimensional portal to take him to Tartarus.

    Sure enough Pan Goatee beheaded both fat ugly blimps and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.

    He then decided not to get on that bus and instead took a bus headed the opposite direction.

    The Demon Buffalo joined the satyr on that bus and sat next to him.

    As the Demon Buffalo worked on a crossword puzzle, he asked Pan, “I gather those four uglos you beheaded at that bus stop back there were genetically created by the Spirit Great-Grandmother of the West (leader of the Circle of Spirits so beloved by Pope Francis and his Canadian Catholic hierarchy) using interbreeding between walruses and sasquatch?”.

    “That is correct,” Pan nodded.

    Eventually after taking the long way around, the satyr got home.

    Later he decided to go to a nearby grocery store to see if they had finally brought in the particular brand of cold meats that he loved.

    Pan hoped they weren’t being permanently replaced by Bill Gates recommended bugs and insects.

    Tonight they were in so Pan bought a few packages.

    He walked to a bus stop to take the bus home.

    He stood at the bus stop enjoying the evening air.

    When lo and behold, another repulsive looking uglo (this one of the caucasian and not aboriginal First Nations variety) decided to show up showing her ugly face for the world to admire.

    Pan did not feel any admiration for her facially aesthetically challenged face as can be seen by the fact that he beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

    Goatee once again took a bus headed in the opposite direction.

    The Demon Buffalo once again sat next to Pan while holding a copy of the latest edition of the Serial Killers’ Almanac that he had been reading.

    “I take it,” the Demon Buffalo commented while reading up on the serial killing statistics for Iceland, “that the uglo you beheaded back there was part of the experimental genetics program being overseen by the Norse trickster god Loki and Dr. Anthony Fauci involving interbreeding between female stoats and moronic low IQ human males?”.

    “That is correct,” Pan nodded.

    . . .

    Ever since Thursday September 1st 2022 (the 83rd anniversary of the Nazi invasion of Poland) in which senile old fool Joe Biden had sacrificed a previously unknown (to him) daughter named Liberty to the Greek goddess Artemis (in an effort to save NASA’s latest moon rocket program) and then gave a Nazi fascist Stalinist Evil Galactic Empire speech in Philadelphia, Joe was being advised by the ghosts of both Josef Stalin and Adolf Hitler.

    On that fatal (for Liberty) morning of Thursday September 1st 2022, the ghosts of Theosophist leaders Helena Petrovna Blavatsky, Annie Besant and Alice A. Bailey had negotiated a peace treaty and a renewed Nazi-Soviet Pact between the ghosts of Adolf Hitler and Josef Stalin.

    The man selected to enforce this renewed Nazi-Soviet Pact on the world was senile old fool Joe Biden.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Wednesday September 7th
    2022.

    Permalink 24 Comments

    Dr. Nachash Naga’s Nightmare

    September 3, 2022 at 10:59 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Politics, Science, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

    NASA administrator Dr. Nachash Naga hit the roof when the launch of Artemis 1 was scrapped yet again.

    As his secretary Deborah called for someone to repair the roof, Dr. Nachash Naga threw his model of the Artemis 1 rocket across the room breaking it into a million piecea.

    “What went wrong?” Dr. Nachash Naga demanded to know.

    Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster adjusted his lobster antennae in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises in London, England in order to pick up the best imagery and audio of what he was seeing.

    Michelangelo still wasn’t sure whether this was a vision or a dream.

    “Well,” Nimrod the little green frog who was now serving as a special advisor to NASA (having built the Tower of Babel in man’s first attempt to reach the heavens before he wound up in a UFO crash and was later turned into a little green frog by Lilith the ancient Babylonian vampiress) spoke, “We thought we had a deal with the Greek goddess Artemis after Joe sacrificed one of his unknown daughters to her in Philadelphia before he gave his Nazi Fascist Fuhrer speech in Philadelphia that same night.”

    “So what happened to that deal?” Dr. Nachash Naga sucked the life out of an apple.

    “Well last night,” Nimrod explained, “someone posted a video on YouTube of senile old Joe shooting and killing a second deer sacred to Artemis last fall. Artemis saw the video and posted a comment, “I am so absolutely furious right now. The winds that stopped King Agamemnon’s fleet from sailing towards Troy are even now sucking the hydrogen out of the Atlas 1 moon rocket as we speak.” And sure enough today’s launch was postponed as a result of a hydrogen leak.”

    “Bugger,” Dr. Nachash Naga swore.

    “I’m sorry, I don’t do that anymore,” the ghost of Oscar Wilde said as he appeared, “I don’t know what joker in the realm of Hades sent me here as soon as you spoke that noun. I had to spend several years in Purgatory as a result of doing that in my own lifetime. As the people who are joyfully participating in tomorrow’s Sodomite Pride Parade in Calgary will discover when they cast off this earthly coil. They’ll be spending a lot of time in Purgatory. That is if they aren’t sent directly to Tartarus.”

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Saturday September 3rd
    2022.

    Permalink 24 Comments

    Joe Biden Speaks In Philadelphia: “This Is My Struggle…”

    September 2, 2022 at 10:41 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

    Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was visiting the Killarney lakes to see his friend Dr. Donegal Dundee the famous leprechaun scientist.

    “So what are you up to these days, Don-Dun?” Yaldabaoth asked.

    “Well I’ve recently been hired by Vladimir Putin to work in collaboration with South African witch doctor Dr. Sterling Makabo to raise the mad monk Rasputin from the dead at his grave in Tsarskoye Selo,” Dr. Donegal Dundee explained while drinking a glass of fine Jameson Irish Whiskey, “Dr. Makabo is going to raise Rasputin from the dead. The only trouble is people that Dr. Makabo raise from the dead look like zombies. And Vladimir Putin can’t stand looking at zombies (he has an antipathy to “woke” U.S. Democratic Party voters). So Makabo is going to raise Rasputin from the dead and I’m going to use my unique blend of Guinness, Murphy’s and O’hara’s Irish Red specially crafted embalming fluid (the one most recommended at funeral parlours in Ireland which is why Irish crematoriums were condemned at last year’s Glasgow Climate Change Summit as a major cause of global warming and a dire threat to the planet although the earth mother goddess Gaia would probably die happy) to make Rasputin look human again when he comes back from the dead.”

    “You do know that Vladimir Putin is a Neo-Czarist and a Neo-Russian Imperialist who fancies himself a reincarnation of Czar Peter the Great?” Yaldabaoth raised an eyebow.

    “I do know that,” Dr. Donegal Dundee painted Yaldabaoth’s raised eyebrow green.

    . . .

    “That was quite the speech Joe Biden gave in Philadelphia last night,” Dr. Nachash Naga mentioned to another NASA official, “It was a good and fortunate thing that it turned out that one of his daughters lived in Philadelphia so it appears that the Artemis 1 moon rocket launch is a go tomorrow.”

    Dr. Nachash Naga’s secretary Deborah frowned as she listened to the conversation.

    What the Hell did Dr. Nachash Naga mean by that?

    . . .

    British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing a Friday night podcast.

    He did the podcast wearing a t-shirt that said DEFUND THE FBI.

    “This is what Joe Biden looked like delivering his speech in Philadelphia last night when he said that Donald Trump and MAGA Republicans are a threat to democracy.” :

    Said Renfield, “Any photographic resemblance between Joe Biden’s arm gestures and facial expressions and the arm gestures and facial expressions of a certain late Fuhrer of 1930s and early 1940s Germany is no doubt purely coincidental.
    As is no doubt any resemblance used between the silhouette background colours used by both speakers at their selected rallies.”

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Friday September 2nd
    2022.

    Permalink 14 Comments

    Joe Biden Asked To Perform An Agamemnon

    August 31, 2022 at 10:57 pm (Art History, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Literature, Mythology, News, Politics, Science, Technology, The Supernatural, theatre, Theatre Arts, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

    The Greek goddess Artemis being serenaded by musicians who were brought to life from a mural painting

    “Who is Aeschylus?” Vice-President Kamala Harris asked one of her aides.

    “He was an ancient Greek playwright who lived from approximately 525 BC to 456 BC and is believed to have written anywhere from 70 to 90 plays,” her aide answered, “He is considered the Father of Tragedy. In fact his ghost is believed to have written the recent Inflation Reduction Act. In fact on the night of April 4th 1968, Bobby Kennedy quoted from Aeschylus while addressing Afro-American voters in Indianapolis, Indiana when he had to break the tragic news to them that the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King had been assassinated. The Aeschylus quote was this:

    “Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God.”
    -Aeschylus

    “What were some of his plays?” Kamala asked.

    “Well he once wrote a trilogy of plays about the family of King Agamemnon of Mycenae the fellow who commanded the Greeks during the Trojan War,” her aide replied, “The trilogy was called The Oresteia named after Orestes who was a son of King Agamemnon.”

    “Rather ironic you should be talking about The Oresteia,” remarked a leading high-ranking NASA official as he walked by on his way to the Oval Office to see Joe Biden.

    “Ironic? How so?” Kamala inquired.

    “That’s on a need to know basis and you don’t need to know,” the NASA official replied.

    The FBI agent accompanying the NASA official was a Neo-Bolshevik Communist (like most FBI agents are these days) and did not understand the classical allusions that were being thrown around.

    This entire scene was part of a dream (or was it a vision?) being seen by Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises Laboratories in London, England.

    The name of the high-ranking NASA official was Dr. Nachash Naga.

    He was on an important mission for NASA.

    The Artemis 1 moon rocket was supposed to have been launched this past Monday August 29th 2022 but then something happened and the launch was postponed until this Saturday September 3rd 2022.

    But even that might be postponed further because of new information that had come up.

    Unless…

    “Mr. President,” Dr. Nachash Naga addressed the Pooper-In-Chief, “We need you to do something for us.”

    “Glad to oblige,” Biden ate a piece of Ex-Lax.

    “Mr. President, we have a problem and it isn’t Houston,” Dr. Nachash Naga explained, “Do you remember last fall when you went deer hunting?”.

    “Um, I don’t actually,” answered the Pooper-In-Chief who suffered from dementia.

    “Well, you shot and killed a deer,” Dr. Nachash Naga pointed out.

    “Good for me,” Joe Biden grinned.

    “Well that turned out to be a bad thing, Mr. President,” Dr. Nachash Naga hissed, “It turned out that the deer you shot and killed was a deer sacred to the Greek goddess Artemis.”

    “Who is Artemis?” Joe Biden looked at a photo of the Belvedere Apollo and wondered if he should invite the sculpted statue to join his cabinet.

    “Artemis was the Greek goddess of the hunt and wild animals as well as the Greek goddess of the moon,” Dr. Nachash Naga flashed his incisors, “and as a result of your killing that deer sacred to her, she is preventing the Artemis 1 rocket from being launched.”

    “So, what can I do about it?” Joe Biden scratched his diaper rash.

    “Well when King Agamemnon of Mycenae slew and killed a deer sacred to Artemis and the goddess prevented the Greek fleet from sailing towards Troy as punishment, Agamemnon was forced to sacrifice his daughter Iphigenia to Artemis to appease her wrath.”

    “So what do you want me to do?” Biden put on Kamala Harris’ high school Dunce cap.

    “We want you to sacrifice your daughter to Artemis in the next couple of days to appease her wrath so we can get the Artemis 1 moon rocket launched this coming Saturday,” Dr. Nachash Naga began filing his fingernails.

    “Can I sniff her hair before I sacrifice her?” Joe Biden asked.

    “Of course, Mr. President,” Dr. Nachash Naga looked exasperated.

    “Wait,” Joe Biden suddenly had a moment of clarity after taking a Claritin tablet, “Jill might be rather pissed at me if I sacrifice Ashley.”

    “Joe, I have a suggestion,” Barack Obama delivered his instructions into Joe’s earpiece as he always did, “Did you ever have any extra marital affairs?”.

    “I can’t remember,” Joe was trying to remember the tune of the Bob Hope song Thanks For The Memory.

    “Well ask some of your FBI agents to stop sifting through Donald Trump’s underwear and try to track down any extra marital affairs you might have had and any children you might have had particularly girls,” Obama explained, “Then you can sacrifice that daughter from an extra marital affair.”

    “Gee, I wonder if any are still alive,” Biden picked his nose, “This is one occasion when I wish I hadn’t been so gung ho for abortion.”

    “Just send out the FBI, Joe,” Obama barked, “Find any surviving daughters from those extra marital affairs and just do the damned sacrifice. We’ve got to get to the moon before Vladimir Putin and Jackie Gleason’s wife Alice do.”

    Meanwhile in Hunter Biden’s room, he was being visited by the ghost of a beautiful young Greek girl named Electra.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Wednesday August 31st
    2022.

    Permalink 25 Comments

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