Renfield’s Dream of The Mexican Pinata

June 30, 2011 at 9:11 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

After several days of creating murder and mayhem throughout the City of London following his awakening from a 2 month coma, Renfield R. Renfield was feeling tired so he fell asleep on the couch in the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s living room.

In the Set Laboratories lab, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster who had spent the day listening to some of Anthony Robbins’ New Age motivational discs on how to get in touch with one’s higher power, the lobster intuitively deduced that Renfield had just fallen asleep.

Michelangelo decided to have some fun and enter Renfield’s dreams again just like he had when the shapeshifter hamster/human was in a coma.

In the dream, Michelangelo created the figure of a very short and very small Mexican pinata.

The pinata itself was shaped like a multicoloured camel without a hump (a similar camel without a hump but minus the multicolours had earlier been genetically engineered by Set Enterprises’ resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher a few weeks ago who was oblivious to the fact that such a camel already existed in southern Tanzania).

The short pinata was lamenting on the state of his sad and short life by singing a song which was sung to the tune of Lady Gaga’s song Judas,

I’m just a short pinata you can hit with a banana
For me, fiesta is siesta permanent-ly! permanent-ly!
I’m just a short pinata you can hit with a banana
For me, fiesta is siesta permanent-ly! permanent-ly!

When they come to me, I am ready
They’ll bash me with a big stick if they need
candies and treats which they feel they’ve got to eat
Even if they break my head or feet.

They’ll bring me down, bring me down down
A pinata with a frown, frown.

I’m just a short pinata you can hit with a banana
For me, fiesta is siesta permanent-ly! permanent-ly!
I’m just a short pinata you can hit with a banana
For me, fiesta is siesta permanent-ly! permanent-ly!

By this time, Renfield R. Renfield was getting sick of the short pinata’s song and especially his singing so swiping a banana from a nearby organ grinder’s pet monkey, he went over to the pinata and hit it with the banana bringing it down…
down.

As the dead pinata went to its eternal sleep (for it, fiesta was siesta permanently) and spilled its guts all over the place, Amadeus Emanon rushed in to pick up all the candies that had fallen from the dead pinata’s insides.

The movie character Forrest Gump (played by Tom Hanks) walked in at the end of the dream and said, “Death is like a pinata of candies. You never know what you’re going to get.”

To be continued.

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The Nun Who Danced To Judas

June 19, 2011 at 9:03 pm (Horror, Mystery/horror, Short Story, The Supernatural) (, )

Sister Agnes stood in the hallway of the orphanage and looked at the statue of Jesus with His Sacred Heart.

The nun was standing in spiked stiletto high-heels which was unusual for a nun of her order.

She reached down and ripped the bottom part of her robe from her ankle up to her pelvis.

She ripped it on both sides this way.

The rips exposed black silk nylons that she was wearing underneath her robe.

She then started to dance in front of the statue of the Sacred Heart Jesus.

She danced and she sang.

She sang,

I’m just a Holy Fool
Oh, baby, it’s so cruel
But I’m still in love with Judas, baby
I’m just a Holy Fool
Oh, baby, it’s so cruel
But I’m still in love with Judas, baby.

She spun around on her stilettos and her nun’s robe whirled like a belly dancer’s dress as she sensuously moved her arms back and forth.

She approached the statue of the Sacred Heart Jesus and kissed it on the lips with her ruby rouge red lipstick lips.

She sang,

I wanna love you,
But something’s pulling me away from you…

She then turned her back on the statue and embraced nothing but air in her arms as she sang,

Jesus is my virtue…

She then opened her eyes which she had closed and her eyes seemed to be looking at something that she was embracing but would have appeared invisible to any other observer that might have been standing in the hallway.

She sang as she embraced the nothingness she caressed in her arms,

And Judas is the demon I cling to
I cling to

She then opened the door and entered the room where all the young children were sleeping in the orphanage.

She lifted her robes and pulled a huge butcher knife from a black lingerie garter belt tied around her right knee.

She then went from bed to bed quickly slitting the throats of all the children- baby, toddler, boy, girl, 6-year-old, 7-year-old.

Each time she slit a throat, she’d click her heels together and sing,

I’m just a Holy Fool,
Oh, baby, it’s so cruel
But I’m still in love with Judas, baby
I’m just a Holy Fool,
Oh, baby, it’s so cruel
But I’m still in love with Judas, baby.

She then left the nursery after she had slain all the children, threw the statue of the Sacred Heart Jesus in the hallway to the floor and broke it as she sang,

Jesus is my virtue…

She then went running outside the orphanage into the garden where a tall dark haired handsome stranger waited by the fountain whose top was a cherubic angel with an arrow.

The very beautiful 30-year-old nun went running into the arms of the tall dark haired handsome stranger and kissed him passionately on the lips.

She then caressed his neck and embraced him tightly singing,

And Judas is the demon I cling to
I cling to

As she did so, she kissed him on the cheek oblivious to the fact that the tall dark haired handsome stranger was now turning into a red reptilian thing with bat like wings and clawed talons and spiked tail.

The thing burst into flames turning Sister Agnes into flames with it.

A two-year-old who had escaped the slaughter in the nursery by hiding under the bed poked his head out from under the bed and said in baby talk,

Ga-Ga, Ga-Ga.

The End.

-A short story written by Christopher Van Helsing
Sunday evening June 19th 2011.

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