Supreme Idiot Justin Trudeau and The Blackface Affair: Once Was Not Enough

September 19, 2019 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Supreme Idiot Justin Trudeau and The Blackface Affair: Once Was Not Enough

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was on the phone talking to his good friend the Chinese Communist vampiress and intelligence operative Mei-ling Manchu.

“So, you mean to say, Mei-ling,” Renfield had himself another shot of Old Taylor bourbon, “that it was you who leaked that old school yearbook photo of Justin Trudeau dressed in brown face at the school Arabian Nights Theme Party to TIME Magazine?”.

“It was,” Mei-ling painted her nails with a crocodile’s tooth dipped in Canadian business men’s blood red coloured nail polish, “we also leaked two other photos today. One was a photo of him in High School dressed up to look like Harry Belafonte and committing musical homicide on the song Day-o. That one he admitted to. The other was a photo he had forgotten about where he was dressed up as what the 1980s Thriller era Michael Jackson would have looked like if the 1980s Thriller era Michael Jackson had actually looked black instead of white.”

“Gives a whole new meaning to Vincent Price’s spoken words “Darkness falls across the land”,” Renfield had to admit.

“The midnight hour is close at hand,” Mei-ling turned over her blood red sands filled hour glass, “anyways we’ve got a bunch of other photos of him dressed in blackface which we plan to release in the next few days.”

“Justin has said he’s now forgotten the amount of times he might have put on blackface,” Renfield noted.

“He could blame it on smoking marijuana but then he told the media he only smoked marijuana once,” Mei-ling started putting on black widow spider’s black poison on her eyelashes as mascara.

“And his pot smoking cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever is now no more,” Renfield helped himself to some strawberries and whipped cream.

“Yes and our People’s Republic Ministry of State Security operatives are currently scouring the Australian countryside in search of Strawberry Fields Forever’s two twin cactus clippings children,” Mei-ling ate a fried kangaroo’s leg sandwich.

“Why does the Chinese Communist Party have it in for Justin Trudeau?” Renfield ate some frogs’ legs.

“Because that weasel refuses to release Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou from Canadian soil,” Mei-ling started eating some weasel pie.

“I guess this is what happens to Justin for spreading his derrière across both sides of the U.S. political spectrum,” Renfield ate his peanut butter and jam sandwich, “First he’s Barack Obama’s ‘bitch’ one minute. And then he’s Donald Trump’s ‘bitch’ the next.”

“Just wait until we release the photos of him dressed as Charlie Chan the Chinese detective (always played by Caucasians) movie character of the 1930s and 1940s,” Mei-ling ate her San Francisco chop suey and drank her Hawaiian coconut milk.

“Justin once played Inspector Charlie Chan?” Renfield was shocked.

“He did,” Mei-ling fanned her breasts with the severed fingers of Harvey Weinstein’s lesser known twin brother.

“I thought for someone like Justin, it would be more appropriate if he played the role of Number Two son,” Renfield mused aloud.

. . .

Justin Trudeau showed up at the media scrummage dressed in blackface and tearfully admitted, “I can’t remember how many times I’ve dressed in blackface.”

“Why are you dressed in blackface now?” A reporter asked.

“I don’t find that remark very funny,” Justin commented as the charcoal watered down his face like Niagara Falls.

When an aide signalled to Justin that the reporter was in fact correct, the Canadian Prime Minister screamed for a mirror to be brought to him.

Grabbing the mirror and seeing his own reflection, Justin remarked, “Oh shit. My wife Sophie was correct when she told me that I had put on way too much makeup this evening.”

. . .

Down at the Canadian Federal Liberal Party headquarters in Ottawa, a member of the National Liberal Party Executive was telephoning world famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (the quite literally immortal lesser known twin sister of Sherlock Holmes) and asking her if she could come to Canada and tomato Justin Trudeau’s buttocks in an effort to stop him from coming across as a fool and having bimbo eruptions in public.

“Well that’s quite the impossible task you’re asking me to do,” Sherrielock admitted, “but then as Don Quixote sang in the musical Man of La Mancha, “To dream the impossible dream…”

Sherrielock Holmes: About to take on a next to impossible task?

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Thursday September 19th
2019.

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Renfield Analyzes The Strange Affair of Justin Trudeau Brownface

September 18, 2019 at 10:48 pm (Commentary, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , )

Renfield Analyzes The Strange Affair of Justin Trudeau Brownface 

Self-righteous asshole and politically correct idiot and self-proclaimed culturally sensitive and racially sensitive Justin Trudeau caught wearing brown face at an Arabian Nights themed party back in 2001.

If this was Canadian Federal Conservative Party leader Andrew Scheer rather than the pampered Justin Trudeau who had done this, rest assured that the left-wing bozos in the news media as well as the CBC (which more properly stands for Canadian Bolshevik Corporation rather than Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) would be showing that photo of Scheer in every news story and every news broadcast until Election Day.

Of course the whining and snivelling mea culpa that Justin delivered tonight will be enough to satisfy many left-wing bozos and impotent bed wetter with a small penis Social Justice Warriors.

In defence of the younger Justin Trudeau and with raspberry for the older more politically correct and much more stupid older Justin Trudeau, he most likely did not do this with the intention of denigrating a culture but with the intention of portraying Aladdin as part of the Arabian Nights theme.

But the modern politically correct crowd who get their panties in a knot about absolutely everything imagine that everybody is like the Americans of the late 19th and early 20th Century who used blackface minstrel shows to denigrate the humanity of African-Americans.

Not everybody who dresses as a character in a tale from another culture wants to do this and these politically correct assholes who get their panties in a knot every time something like this happens need to be given the raspberry they so richly deserve before they turn Western society into an Orwellian 1984.

-Renfield R. Renfield MP
in a guest editorial 
for The Winston Smith Protagonist
Newspaper

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 18th
2019.

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The Last Hours of Strawberry Fields Forever

September 5, 2019 at 11:04 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The Last Hours of Strawberry Fields Forever

“Performing live human sacrifices to Moloch is the way we can stop climate change from giving hot flashes to Earth Mother Goddess Gaia.”

-Bernie Sanders, senile socialist Democratic Party candidate for President of the U.S.

CNN’s Anderson Cooper: At a campaign stop today, Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders was hit in the face with a cream pie thrown at him by an invisible entity.
Although according to Harvey Wallbanger drinking secret service agents assigned to guard Sanders (who’s no relation to the beloved Kentucky colonel who invented KFC), it was a 6 foot 8 Welsh pooka bunny rabbit who threw the cream pie.

. . .

Meanwhile up in Canada, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was quite impressed with a British House of Lords friend of Renfield R. Renfield singing a song in the House of Lords about British Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn miraculously growing a pair of testicles.

Trudeau thought it might be cool if he miraculously grew a pair of testicles as well.

So Justin imagined what it would be like if he had a pair of testicles.

Picturing himself with a sudden shot of testosterone, Justin gave a blistering speech attacking China for holding two Canadians Michael Kovrig and Michael Spavor hostage in return for the release of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou from Canada.

Said Trudeau who imagined himself as a Québécois John Wayne riding tall in the saddle, “Beijing is using pressure tactics. China is using arbitrary detention as a tool to achieve political goals.”

Of course Justin never mentioned that his personal pet pot smoking cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever was also being held hostage by Chinese authorities in return for the release of Meng Wanzhou.

“This is unacceptable to Canada,” Justin preached to the editorial board of the Toronto Star newspaper.

Of course Justin’s new found Sylvester Stallone style Rambo act went over like a lead balloon with China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping and his supernatural entity advisor the Black Dragon.

With the music of Led Zeppelin’s Stairway To Heaven playing in the background, the Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu entered the prison cell of Strawberry Fields Forever where he was being held in a re-education camp for transgendered Uighurs in the Xinjiang region of northwest China.

She had a pair of pliers and pair of scissors with her.

As the Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh (the granddaughter of Vietnamese President Ho Chi Minh) filmed the whole thing, Mei-ling Manchu ripped and peeled the little desert cactus plant to pieces as it uttered blood curdling screams.

Ho uploaded the video to Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and Instagram.

The pieces were then put in a box and sent via Amazon parcel delivery to Justin’s home in Ottawa.

The Chinese authorities wisely did not use Canada Post as it would probably take another 70 years before the package reached its destination.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Thursday September 5th
2019.


Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu having a refreshing cocktail after having dismembered Strawberry Fields Forever the pet pot smoking cactus plant of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.

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Satanic Rock Stars, Justin Trudeau, Trump Vs. Dorian and DARPA Looks For Tunnels

August 29, 2019 at 10:57 pm (Commentary, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Satanic Rock Stars, Justin Trudeau, Trump Vs. Dorian and DARPA Looks For Tunnels

“Teaching the doctrine of the actual real existence of Hell was the biggest defect in Jesus Christ’s character.”
-Bertrand Russell 

“So, what are you looking at on the Net?” Amadeus Emanon asked his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

“At a news item that Lady Gaga, Ariana Grande and a bunch of other demonically inspired losers in today’s music industry are planning a rock concert Rock Stars For Murdering Babies,” Renfield replied.

“Do they intend that to be the Woodstock of the year 2019?” Inquired a shocked Amadeus.

“Oh, most likely,” Renfield nodded.

. . .

Meanwhile in Canada, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was issuing a blistering attack on Federal Conservative Party leader Andrew Scheer.

Foamed Trudeau as his head spun around 360 degrees and he spewed out French green pea soup in Linda Blair style fashion, “Mr. Scheer does not support the values of the demons Baal and Baphomet. For as we all know the values of Baal and Baphomet are Canadian values. How do we know they’re Canadian values? Because being the cultural Marxist and progressive Fascist that I am, I say that they are Canadian values. To disagree with me and my fellow anal retentive social justice warriors is high treason and constitutes hate crimes of the highest magnitude.”

. . .

In Britain, the pro-EU group Best For Britain (financed by leftist billionaire George Soros) said that in lieu of Queen Elizabeth II granting UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s request for proroguing Parliament, what happened to King Charles 1st 370 years ago in 1649 might happen to the Queen this year.

. . .

Donald Trump (speaking to the news media after having wiped cream pie off his face some 24 hours earlier), “As we all know the people of Florida face the possibility of Hurricane Dorian barrelling down on top of them over the Labour Day weekend. We in this Administration will joyously and happily give them all the support, aid and money that they need should disaster happen. After all, it’s not the people of Florida’s fault that they live in an area often hit by hurricanes. And even more importantly I own a lot of resorts and golf courses in Florida. Whereas of course I don’t own any resorts or golf courses in Puerto Rico. I could stand to lose a lot of money if anything happens to my property in Florida. This would truly be a tragedy for this great nation if that were to occur. And someday, the Norse god Thor willing, I shall own a resort and golf course in Greenland.”

Trump then boarded a helicopter where another cream pie was thrown in his face by the 6 foot 8 tall invisible bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger.

“Shit! Not again!” Trump cried out.

. . .

Yesterday Wednesday August 28th DARPA (the Defence Advanced Research Projects Agency) also known as the “Mad Scientists’ Wing of the Pentagon” put out a twitter tweet asking for a city based tunnel the size of a shopping centre with several layers and maybe even a few atriums to it be made available to them (DARPA) as soon as possible and please let them know by Friday August 30th 2019 at 5:00 PM (DARPA local time).

The strange request which only a James Bond super villain or Lex Luthor or The Joker (from Batman) would probably be able to fulfill did receive a few replies.

Someone asked if DARPA was looking for Demogorgon (a character from the Dungeons and Dragons role playing game known by his titles “Prince of Demons” and “Lord of All That Swims In Darkness”).

DARPA tweeted back that “Demogorgon was a Department of Energy thing” not a DARPA thing.

Justin Trudeau was secretly pleased by the amount of Canadian cannabis that DARPA and U.S. Department of Energy employees were consuming.

. . .

“Not believing in the actual real existence of Hell was the biggest defect in Bertrand Russell’s character.”
-Renfield R. Renfield 

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 29th
2019.

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ET Gray Gali-Gula Encounters The Black Dragon

April 2, 2019 at 10:12 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

The ET gray Gali-Gula was sitting on the beach at Vancouver’s English Bay drinking bottles of Molson Canadian beer.

He had found an old fashioned dictionary on the beach (books along with encyclopedias which were no longer used in the age of the Internet).

Gali-Gula was surprised to see that when he looked up the word “Sleazebag” in the dictionary that Canadian Privy Council clerk Michael Wernick’s picture was there.

This depressed Gali-Gula as it reminded him of the SNC-Lavalin scandal in which his good buddy Justin Trudeau was involved.

A scandal which probably wouldn’t have happened if his good buddy Justin still had access to his pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever and was able to inhale the prickly little creature’s exhaled pot smoke.

For Justin was only able to see Gali-Gula (an ET gray from the planet Nibiru who was possessed by the ghost of the late earthling ancient Roman Emperor Caligula) when he inhaled pot smoke.

But thanks to Canada stupidly arresting Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou on behalf of the U.S. government last December 1st, Chinese government operatives had in retaliation kidnapped Justin’s pot smoking cactus plant.

For a while, the prickly little fellow had been held captive in Calypso’s Bosom a Brigadoon style mystical village hippy commune on the Sechelt Peninsula which only emerged from its pot smoking mystical haze once every 7 years to appear to mortal eyes.

Seeing as how the cactus seemed to be enjoying his environment a little too much, it was moved to a Chinese Government Re-Education camp for transgendered Uighurs in the Xinjiang region of China where cannabis and pot smoking was definitely not allowed.

Seeing as how Justin was deprived of his access to pot smoke through the cactusnapping and captivity of Strawberry Fields Forever, he was unable to see and hear Gali-Gula for advice.

Now whenever Justin set out to make an ass of himself which was quite often, Gali-Gula would advise him not to do it.

When Justin listened to Gali-Gula’s advice, he didn’t make an ass of himself.

When he refused to heed Gali-Gula’s advice, he always made an ass out of himself.

But when Strawberry Fields Forever was kidnapped, Gali-Gula was invisible to Canada’s Prime Minister and was unable to warn Justin Trudeau not to pressure his Attorney-General and Justice Minister Jody Wilson-Raybould into intervening to protect the Quebec based construction firm SNC-Lavalin from criminal prosecution.

As such, Justin now found himself embroiled in the biggest political scandal his government had ever faced.

His poll numbers were dropping faster than flies at a Bill Clinton and White House Intern Reunion Convention.

And earlier this evening, both Jody Wilson-Raybould and her friend former Treasury Board President Jane Philpott had been booted off the deck of the Titanic that is the Canadian Federal Liberal Party caucus.

The iceberg of this fall’s Federal election loomed ahead.

And all because a bunch of West Coast potheads in the Vancouver Crown Prosecutor’s office, Canada Customs and the RCMP decided to follow U.S. government orders and arrest Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou.

Speaking of West Coast potheads, almost everyone on the beach at Vancouver’s English Bay could see him.

They waved and asked for autographs.

A Black Dragon suddenly emerged from the waters of English Bay and approached the ET gray.

Most of the potheads could not see him.

“That’s because I have the ability to cloud their minds with rational thought- something their minds cannot handle,” the Black Dragon answered Gali-Gula because he could read his mind, “most U.S. politicians of all political stripes are unable to see me for the same reason.”

“Who are you?” Gali-Gula asked.

“I am the Black Dragon,” the Black Dragon bowed, “Supernatural entity advisor to China’s paramount leader.”

“I’m Gali-Gula, former ET gray advisor to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau,” the little extraterrestrial looked sad.

“I know,” the Black Dragon smiled, “I advised Xi Jinping to abduct Strawberry Fields Forever.”

“You!” Gali-Gula looked angry.

“Don’t worry,” the Black Dragon breathed fire reassuringly, “he’s being held in a pot free zone- a government re-education camp for transgendered Uighurs in Xinjiang.”

At that moment a news story about transgenders broke on a nearby pothead’s radio.

The B.C. Human Rights Commission had recently fined somebody for saying that a transgendered political candidate had been born a biological male.

In response to the huge fine, genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee had flown in from Alberta and had beheaded all the members of the B.C. Human Rights Commission.

He then put all the severed heads under the bedsheets in a bed owned by a transgendered Hollywood producer in Los Angeles along with an old autographed photo of Marlon Brando as the Godfather and an old autographed photo of 1960s TV star Mr. Ed The Talking Horse.

The producer screamed when he woke up in bed this morning and found all the items, the radio announcer noted.

“So you’ve come to gloat about holding Strawberry Fields Forever hostage?” Gali-Gula turned his attention back to the supernatural visitor from China.

“Yes,” the Black Dragon roasted some hot dogs for a bunch of potheads who were undergoing the munchies, “I’m actually on my way to Venezuela to give a King Henry V style Saint Crispin’s Day speech to 120 Chinese soldiers there who have joined 100 Russian soldiers there. Buenos Nochos.”

Gali-Gula whose Spanish wasn’t as good as the Black Dragon suddenly felt a craving for some good nachos.

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Pike’s Peak

March 15, 2019 at 9:36 pm (Crime, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee was getting out a lot more as the city’s long cold winter was coming to an end.

Sadly so were the city’s vast array of repulsively ugly looking women.

The genetic interbreeding between the city’s stupid white males (whom the brainless Neo-Nazis considered the master race) and the city’s walruses, stoats and sewer rats had produced a vast array of ugliness unsurpassed in human history.

What passed for female among much of the city’s population no doubt was the reason why Calgary-Centre was the federal constituency with the greatest proportion of male homosexuals in Canada even higher than the numerous fruit belts on Canada’s West Coast.

Goatee was just returning from a McDonald’s restaurant when sadly a fat ugly blimp came waddling up the street ruining what had been until then a great spring evening.

Goatee once again clutched his trusty laser astral machete and beheaded the loathsome creature.

He cut the body up into 666 trillion pieces and once again called on his trusted confrere Krampus The 2nd of the DARPA Hazardous Waste Disposal and Removal Unit to bag up the remains and take them to the flames of Tartarus to be burnt.

It was no doubt this which was the primary cause of climate change and not bovine flatulence as the airheads behind the Green New Deal would suggest.

. . .

Donald Trump was pissed off.

How dare Republican Senators in his own party vote to overturn his declaration of a national emergency?

“I’ve been stabbed in the back,” Trump angrily pounded his desk.

“Beware the Ides of March, Julius, beware the ides of March,” Trump’s pet Norwegian blue parrot squawked from inside his cage.

Trump looked at the date on his calendar.

March 15th.

What was this Ides of March that his parrot was referring to?

Trump’s Norwegian blue parrot, of course, had a classical education.

Trump himself did not.

. . .

The ET gray Gali-Gula (possessed by the ghost of the late earthling ancient Roman Emperor Caligula) sat in a Toronto nightclub where indoor pot smoking was allowed.

This would allow other people to see him as people only seemed to be able to see him when they were high on cannabis smoke.

When his good friend Justin Trudeau had his genetically created marijuana smoking desert cactus plant called Strawberry Fields Forever available to him in the Prime Ministerial Greenhouse, he was able to talk to Justin because then the Prime Minister could see him after inhaling the desert cactus plant’s exhaled pot smoke.

But as soon as Canada arrested Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou, Chinese intelligence agents had abducted the cannabis inhaling prickly little creature and were holding him hostage in a re-education camp for transgendered Uighurs in western China in exchange for Meng’s release.

Gali-Gula watched the television where it was announced that Scarborough Ontario born and raised YouTube comedian Lilly Singh would be hosting her own late night TV talk show on NBC starting this fall:

I imagine Justin would be pleased to hear that a Canadian would be hosting a late night talk show on a major U.S. network, Gali-Gula thought.


Scarborough Ontario born and raised Lilly Singh hosting a late night talk show in the fall

. . .

Neo-Nazi billionaire Robur Pike was currently visiting Rome on business.

The man who had been genetically cloned from locks of hair belonging to the racist Freemasonic practicing occultist Confederate Brigadier-General Albert Pike in a Knoxville Tennessee laboratory by Nazi scientist Dr. Eckhart Fromm back in 1966 (Dr. Fromm had been smuggled into the U.S. along with other leading Nazi scientists through Operation Paperclip at the end of World War II).

Pike had ordered himself a glass of champagne to toast today’s racist terrorist attacks on two mosques in Christchurch New Zealand which killed 49 people and injured 48 others.

Promoting hatred and intolerance between difference races and religions was one surefire way to restore the Thousand Year Reich of the Nazis.

Pike smiled as he thought of all the carnage down in Christchurch.

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was spending Friday night alone.

The ghosts of Orson Welles and Winston Churchill were down in Purgatory attending a lecture given by the ghost of Rev. Ian Paisley on what Brexit will mean for Northern Ireland.

His friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont were out on a date.

And the entire country seemed to have lost its senses over the possibility of the United Kingdom facing a no deal Brexit.

Renfield wondered whether it was a trick of light and shadow on this night but it almost looked like the sinister shadow of a swastika was trying to envelop the marble bust head of Sir Winston Churchill in his office.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 15th
2019.

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Semiramis and Dracul, An ET Gray and Justin Trudeau

February 27, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Politics, Technology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )


Semiramis the Queen of Babylon plays an Adolf Hitler speech on the radio

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had once again gone back in time to February 1944 a few months before the D-Day invasion of Normandy in pursuit of the time travelling Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau vampire officer Franz Kohler.

He was once again operating in an Orson Welles black and white film space-time dimension as he time travelled using the Houdini-Tesla-Welles-Lamarr magic lantern prototype film projector.

Tonight he found himself in a London England hotel room on the date of February 27th 1944 a few months before the D-Day invasion of Normandy.

The room was registered to Semiramis the Queen of Babylon.

As Semiramis sat there looking incredibly sexy in a tight blouse and tight skirt, she was playing on the radio a speech Adolf Hitler was delivering to a Let’s Make Germany Great Again rally in Berlin:

Hitler was telling the German people what to do in the event of an allied invasion of Nazi occupied Europe.

Now Dracul Van Helsing’s German was a little rusty (much like a harp playing talking rooster character who appeared on a Canadian children’s TV show The Friendly Giant that he watched as a kid) but he was pretty sure Der Fuhrer was saying 😈,

“Ve shall fight in France, ve shall fight on the seas and the oceans, ve shall fight on the beaches, ve shall fight on the landing grounds, ve shall fight in the fields and in the streets, ve shall fight in the hills, ve shall never surrender…”

“So Van Helsing,” Semiramis smiled at him, “it appears Der Fuhrer is a plagiarist among his many other charming attributes.”

“That appears to be the case,” Van Helsing agreed.

Before the evening was over, Semiramis and Dracul Van Helsing were engaged in some kinky tantric sex.

While in the hotel room next door, Franz Kohler of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau was phoning down to room service complaining that the sausages and sauerkraut he was getting in England didn’t taste as good as what he got over in Germany.

. . .

The ET gray Gali-Gula from the planet Nibiru (who was possessed by the spirit of the ancient earthling Roman Emperor Caligula) sat in a chair drowning his sorrows in a bottle of beer:

He wondered if his severe drinking problem was starting to affect his liver as he was starting to look more yellow than gray these days.

The source of all his troubles was that his friend Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau wasn’t able to see him (Gali-Gula) to receive advice.

And the result of his not being able to give Justin advice was causing the Canadian Prime Minister to slide into a political quagmire from which he might not be able to remove himself (not even if Donald Trump threw him a lifeline made up of New York City deli baloney sausages).

And of course the reason Justin was no longer able to see the little ET gray was because he was no longer inhaling pot.

When Justin had his genetically created marijuana pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever still available to him in his greenhouse, he was able to go into the greenhouse and inhale the desert cactus plant’s pot exhale and then truthfully told the news media that he didn’t personally smoke pot.

However as a result of the Canadian government arresting Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou at Vancouver International Airport at the behest of the U.S. government, the Chinese government in an act of revenge had sent vampiress Mei-ling Manchu to kidnap Justin’s prickly pot smoking little buddy.

The plant was now being held in a mystical pot smoking 1960s hippy commune that had vanished off the face of the Earth back in July 1969 and only appeared again to human eyes once every 7 years.

As a result of all this, Justin was not able to get wise advice from Gali-Gula since he was unable to see him.

Having once been a Roman Emperor who was slain by his own Praetorian Guard, the Imperial Roman spirit possessed ET gray was a wealth of wisdom on what not to do when governing and ruling.

And now Justin was caught up in the SNC-Lavalin scandal whereby he was accused of trying to persuade his then Minister of Justice and Attorney-General of Canada Jody Wilson-Raybould last year to drop criminal prosecution charges against the Quebec-based construction company SNC-Lavalin on charges of trying to bribe the then Libyan government of Col. Muammar Qaddafi (prior to his overthrow by Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton who now condemn Russia for interfering in U.S. internal politics) a decade ago.

SNC-Lavalin is coincidentally one of the biggest financial donors to the Federal Liberal Party of Canada of which Justin Trudeau is the leader.

Jody Wilson-Raybould did not assent to Justin’s pressure and the court case went ahead.

Last month however Justin had demoted Jody Wilson-Raybould to a lesser cabinet position.

Wilson-Raybould eventually resigned from cabinet and today she testified before a Canadian House of Commons committee on the pressure she faced from the Prime Minister’s office.

Justin (after watching hours of video of Donald Trump telling real whoppers to the media and voters) held a press conference of his own to answer Jody Wilson-Raybould’s charges.

Gali-Gula sat at the back of the press corps and wept.

Visual animation commentary for BBC News of the event was provided by Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster of Set Enterprises who drew a cartoon with his lobster claws of Justin Trudeau throwing Jody Wilson-Raybould under a bus.

This did not bode well for Justin’s image as a self-proclaimed feminist and as a self-proclaimed defender of indigenous aboriginal rights.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 27th
2019.

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Labour Disruption and Strike At Set Enterprises

November 24, 2018 at 11:49 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Science, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Last night, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was on his way to the Set Enterprises laboratory to receive a vision from Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster that was intended for his eyes only.

However due to a traffic delay caused by an extremely idiotic driver and the subsequent shooting of that extremely idiotic driver, Renfield was late getting to the Set Enterprises laboratory.

The site was now called Set Enterprises Laboratories and Rug Emporium (as Renfield’s former boss the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had now gone into business with the Persian goddess Anahita to sell Persian rugs together).

They had hired Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and the Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess Lenora of Lemuria (who had first met and made out in a police interrogation room at Scotland Yard) to demonstrate how easy it was to hold tantric sex couplings on Persian rugs thus increasing the popularity of sales.

However once Renfield got to the Laboratory and Rug Emporium, the union of Persian rug employees and workers were now on strike after smoking and inhaling Canadian recreational cannabis that had been smuggled aboard a Canadian Federal Government commissioned Air Canada flight from Ottawa to London.

The rug emporium employees were now on strike demanding higher wages so they could buy higher doses of cannabis laced products so they could go on higher trips.

Their picket lines were now surrounding the Set Enterprises building and they weren’t letting anybody in.

Renfield decided it wouldn’t be a good idea to reach under his raincoat and grab his semi-automatic weapon and blow the whole lot of them to kingdom come for two reasons:

Firstly, any tourists present might think they were no longer in London but some locale in the United States and Trump would soon be tweeting his thoughts and prayers to them while not standing up to the narcissistic jackals and jackasses in the NRA who were against any form of gun control (save for a brief period in the 1960s when it became apparent that members of the Black Panthers were buying large amounts of weapons and the NRA were screaming for the government to do something and impose some form of government control over gun purchases but the memory of that brief period the current NRA leadership and membership sought to erase from most History textbooks).

Secondly, Renfield did not want to alienate any potential British Labour Party voter who might be inclined to vote for his British Transhumanist Party (Renfieldian Transhumanism was not your Ray Kurzweil Google brand of Transhumanism or Jeff Bezos Amazon brand of Transhumanism but as the ghost of the late Prague Spring of 1968 Czechoslovakian leader Alexander Dubcek called it, “Transhumanism with a human face.”).

Since the striking rug employees were higher than a kite, Renfield used his new Dr. Cadbury Rocher Cosmos brand Smart Phone to put in a call to the Niburuan ET gray Gali-Gula.

The ET gray Gali-Gula arrived in his UFO Flying Saucer and walked out to speak to the striking workers.

In the platinum plated metallic iron gloves on his hands he carried the marijuana pot smoking desert cactus plant named Strawberry Fields Forever.

Strawberry Fields Forever’s normal habitat was the greenhouse of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau in Ottawa where the Prime Minister (who had picked up the Prince of Wales’ habit of talking to plants) would go and chat with the cannabis pot smoking cactus plant and inhale the plant’s exhaled smoke as he did so.

Then Justin could truthfully tell the Canadian news media that his lips never touched a marijuana cigarette.

Renfield looked at his watch.

He was late for a hot tub appointment with some of Japan’s top female porn stars who were currently visiting Britain.

Renfield decided he’d leave it to the Niburuan mediator the ET gray Gali-Gula to end the strike.

Michelangelo’s vision for Renfield’s eyes only would have to wait for another day.

His vision of Japanese lady porn stars in a hot tub for his eyes only were far more important.

He left.

The ET gray Gali-Gula told the crowd that his ET gray body was in fact possessed by the spirit of the ancient earthling Roman Emperor Caligula and they could only see him if they inhaled pot smoke.

The crowd was not impressed and still refused to swear off pot smoking.

Gali-Gula said, “I’ll show you the hazards of excessive pot smoking and inhalation.”

He once again picked up the pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever in his platinum plated metallic iron gloved hands.

“Show them the aftereffects of excessive pot smoking and inhalation,” Gali-Gula addressed Strawberry Fields Forever.

The pot smoking cactus plant then started hiccoughing and sneezing cactus needles in the strikers’ direction.

The strikers still refused to swear off pot smoking.

“Desperate times require desperate measures,” Gali-Gula did his best voice impersonation of Sir Winston Churchill while speaking to Strawberry Fields Forever.

“And now for something completely different,” Gali-Gula spoke to the crowd while impersonating the voice of the Monty Python TV show announcer, “And far more drastic. Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau doing a naked phallic impersonation of Donald Trump.”

Justin Trudeau had ingested Dr. Cadbury Rocher designed Reverse Viagra tablets a few hours before so his phallus would be the right size for doing a Donald Trump impersonation.

The holographic image of Justin Trudeau doing a Donald Trump phallic impersonation was astral projected from Ottawa to London.

He had a special guest to help him in his performance.

The image of a naked Justin Trudeau doing a Donald Trump phallic impersonation and doing a lap dance in the naked lap of a totally nude possible future House speaker Nancy Pelosi was an image far too horrifying for even an H.P. Lovecraft to conceive.

It was also an image far too horrifying for the striking employees of Set Enterprises Rug Emporium to receive.

They swore off pot smoking and cannabis inhalation for life.

The strike ended.

Gali-Gula had saved the day and the night.

And PTSD therapists would be receiving a multitude of clients the next day.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday November 24th
2018.

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Samael Satan Santa Muerte In The Midst of Hurricane Michael

October 10, 2018 at 11:15 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Samael Satan Santa Muerte In The Midst of Hurricane Michael

The fallen Archangel Samael (who was actually the entity called Satan in the Book of Job and not Lucifer the Devil) is in the middle of the vortex that is Hurricane Michael as it weaves its path of destruction.

Samael, who had been spending a great deal of time in Mexico where he was worshiped as the spectral figure of Santa Muerte (depicted as a female Saint since Samael dressed in drag for this apparition after having fallen prey to a psychoanalysis session conducted by the bisexual transgendered goat-Human hybrid demon god Baphomet) by the Mexican drug cartels, drug dealers and various drug gang members, had heard of the tropical storm that was named Michael.

Since Michael was his old nemesis who had thrown him out of Heaven (Michael having done the very same to the first rebellious Archangel Lucifer the Devil also called the Ancient Serpent and the Great Dragon), Samael decided to take revenge on his old nemesis by entering the eye of the tropical storm and turning it into a hurricane to wreak great destruction.

This would be his vengeance against Michael.

Hell hath no fury like a fallen Archangel thrown out of Heaven.

. . .

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was in his greenhouse inhaling marijuana smoke 💨 being exhaled by his genetically created pot smoking desert cactus 🌵 plant that he had named Strawberry Fields Forever.

He was also practicing a Guided Imagery Visualization exercise that he had read in a New Age book that came highly recommended by Oprah.

Then his spirit guide adviser appeared to him who was none other than Gali-Gula an ET Gray from the planet Nibiru who was possessed by the spirit of the ancient earthling Roman Emperor Caligula.

Only this time unlike his previous appearances, Gali-Gula had two heads instead of one.

“Wow, you have two heads,” said an impressed Justin, “Totally far out, man.”

“I don’t really have two heads,” Gali-Gula looked in the mirror to make sure, “Only you inhaled pot and practiced Guided Imagery Visualization at the same time. Something you should never do. Like drinking and driving, they don’t mix. That’s why you see me with an extra head.”

“Wow, imagine the shape I’d be in if I encountered a hundred headed hydra then,” Justin was starting to get a bad case of the munchies and ordered a super deluxe pizza 🍕 on his smart phone.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” Gali-Gula asked the Canadian Prime Minister.

“What did I want to talk to you about?” Justin scratched his second head as he looked at his reflection in the mirror, “Oh, what did you think of my saving the NAFTA Trade Deal at the last moment?”.

“You didn’t save the NAFTA Trade Deal at the last moment and the deal is now called the USMCA,” Gali-Gula answered as he sucked on a lollipop 🍭 as Strawberry Fields Forever hoisted a sailing ⛵️ ship mast on his prickly person and started to sing an old Shirley Temple song from the 1930s.

“I didn’t and it is?” Justin fell back on the greenhouse’s soft carpeted floor (the Prime Minister had ordered the greenhouse floor to be carpeted to prevent further head injury to himself), “Wow. This is really turning into the trip of a lifetime.”

“Yes, what happened is when the NAFTA talks with Canada were on the verge of collapse last week, your Foreign Affairs Minister Chrystia Freeland hired British dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes to tomato 🍅 Donald Trump’s buttocks and get him to do something to save the deal. After he was unable to sit down, Trump asked his son-in-law Jared Kushner to do something to save the talks. So Kushner went in at the last hour and saved the deal that became the USMCA,” Gali-Gula explained as he blew a twenty foot bubble with a piece of bubble gum.

“So it was Jared Kushner that saved our trade deal with the U.S.?” Justin sighed as the ET gray burst his bubble, “No wonder Ivanka turned down my marriage proposal.”

. . .

London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes was waiting outside Westminster Abbey where she was waiting for Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to show up.

Both Sherrielock and Dracul had been hired by Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to prevent a combined mermaid-Russian invasion of Israel.

As Dracul approached the lovely immortal dominatrix, Sherrielock said to him,

“Why, Dracul, what a big Cossack fur hat you have.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 10th
2018.

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Justin Trudeau Wants To Discuss Donald Trump With Gali-Gula

August 31, 2018 at 10:36 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Justin Trudeau Wants To Discuss Donald Trump With Gali-Gula

Canada’s marijuana legalizing Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was having a bad week.

Yesterday the Federal Court of Appeal decided to quash the Trudeau government’s approval of the Kinder Morgan Trans Mountain Pipeline effectively delaying the project for years (and maybe even killing it).

In response, Alberta Premier Rachel Notley announced she was pulling the province of Alberta out of Trudeau’s proposed National Climate Action Plan saying the Federal Government seemed to have botched its handling of the plans to sell Alberta oil overseas by allowing it access to the nation’s West Coast ports.

Meanwhile all the pot-smoking flaky and nutcase radical environmentalists on B.C.’s Lower Mainland and Vancouver Island were having orgasms of pure joy over this court decision that will kill any chance of economic prosperity for Alberta or most of Canada for the next 10 to 15 years.

Indigenous First Nations leaders who served as useful idiots for the cause of political correctness and white liberal pothead smoking radical environmentalists were ecstatic as well.

Those indigenous First Nations leaders who were actually concerned about jobs and employment for their people were horrified as this killed chances for economic prosperity in both Alberta and B.C. as a result of jobs being created over pipeline construction now being gone.

A well-known Alberta based Canadian vampire hunter said that the Federal Court of Appeal’s decision was proof positive that the number one requirement for being a judge in Canada was to be a total imbecile.

World famous London Dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes issued a statement shortly afterwards that this means Donald Trump could then probably get a job as a judge in Canada 🇨🇦 should he forced to leave the United States 🇺🇸.

Meanwhile rumours were flying that various gay pedophile inclined bishops and Cardinals were thinking of leaving the United States for the safety of Pope Francis’ Vatican 🇻🇦 should a U.S. Department of Justice investigation into their activities start.

Then as another blow to Justin Trudeau, today the NAFTA Trade Deal with the U.S. might be dead.

Trump’s deadline for reaching a deal had come and gone today.

Trudeau’s Foreign Affairs Minister tried to put the best possible spin on it saying that talks would continue next week.

But when a supreme asshole was currently sitting in the Oval Office, what could one do, Justin sighed.

The supreme asshole and Twitterer-In-Chief had in fact given an off-the-record interview to Bloomberg News yesterday that was leaked to The Toronto Star today,

In the interview, Trump said that he would not be making any compromises at all with Canada and any deal with Canada would be “totally on our terms”.

The supreme asshole’s attitude meant that NAFTA was effectively dead in the water.

Anyone who said otherwise had been inhaling too much pot smoke 💨.

And speaking of pot smoke, Justin Trudeau was currently in his green house inhaling pot smoke that was being exhaled from his genetically created pot smoking desert 🌵 cactus plant named Strawberry Fields Forever (that had been genetically created for him by Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher).

He was inhaling pot smoke 💨 in the hopes that this would enable him to see his little ET gray friend Gali-Gula that he always saw after inhaling pot smoke.

Gali-Gula was an ET gray from the planet Nibiru who was possessed by the ghost of the ancient earthling Roman Emperor Caligula.

Justin was very anxious to discuss the subject of Donald Trump with his little ET gray friend.

Unfortunately for Justin, Gali-Gula had become a big fan of the best of earthling music in recent years and as such he was currently in Detroit, Michigan attending the funeral of Aretha Franklin one of his favourite musical artists.

And the funeral service went on for 7 hours as was appropriate for the woman named the Queen of Soul.

Justin fell asleep 😴 waiting for Gali-Gula to show up.

While sleeping, he dreamed that the War of 1812 that Canada fought with the U.S. was being fought again.

. . .

It was nighttime and Donald Trump was sitting in the Oval Office waiting for the ghosts of Julius Caesar and the first Roman Emperor Caesar Augustus to show up.

Trump had first invoked the ghosts of Julius and Augustus Caesar in an ancient pagan Roman ritual he had performed this past Monday night shortly after attending a dinner meeting with evangelical Christian pastors and broadcasters telling them what a “devout believer” he was.

Trump was seeking advice from the ghosts of the two Caesars on how to go about making himself Emperor of America should it prove necessary.

Just like he was currently getting advice from the ghost of Chilean dictator Gen. Augusto Pinochet on how to stage a coup d’état should that become necessary.

One can never be too sure how the U.S. Congressional mid-term elections might go, Trump thought to himself.

After his meeting with the ghosts of the two Caesars, Trump would then be meeting with the ghost of the French Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte to discuss the groundwork for a possible military invasion and annexation of Canada should that become necessary (Trump’s 1st choice for such advice had been the ghost of Der German Fuhrer Adolf Hitler but he was currently unavailable at the moment).

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 31st
2018.

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