Renfield TV Ad

March 23, 2015 at 7:02 pm (Humour, TV Commercials, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield TV Ad

This was the TV ad that Renfield did as a shapeshifting hamster for KIA Motors.

Announcer: What sort of car does successful hamster defense attorney Hairy Masonite drive?

Renfield as Hairy Masonite (doing his best Raymond Burr impersonation): Why a 2015 Kia Cadenza of course.

Announcer: And driving to work in the driver’s seat of a new Kia Cadenza helps keep Hairy Masonite in the driver’s seat of the courtroom.

Renfield as Hairy Masonite: So you see your Honour the District Attorney Mr. Hamsterton Groundbeef’s claim that my client put the cheese in the mousetrap that killed his cheeseaholic Aunt Elsie is clearly false.
If Mr. Hamsterton Groundbeef had bothered to check the facts, he would have discovered that my client has a severe allergy to dairy products and putting the cheese in that trap would have sent my client into a severe allergic reaction from which he might never have recovered.

Announcer: Once again proud Kia Cadenza owner Hairy Masonite saves the day and another innocent hamster goes free spared the gallows and District Attorney Hamsterton Groundbeef’s ineptitude.

Renfield as Hairy Masonite (standing on the steps of the courthouse and waving to his client): And in the words of the immortal Leonard Nimoy in his greatest role as Mr. Spock, “Live long and prosper.” (uses one of his hamster front paws to give the Vulcan salute for the Vulcan proverb Live long and prosper)

His client (waving on sidewalk): Thanks Mr. Masonite.

(turns and crosses the street and is immediately hit by a bus)

Announcer: The new 2015 Kia Cadenza.

Because sometimes it’s just safer to drive across the street…

Permalink 4 Comments

Renfield Wants To Do A TV Ad

March 21, 2015 at 6:26 pm (Entertainment, TV Commercials, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Renfield Wants To Do A TV Ad

Renfield R. Renfield was sporting a huge bruise as a result of being hit over the head by a spiked stiletto high-heeled shoe wielded by the Egyptian Vampiress Isis this past Thursday night.

It was a good thing he had been wearing a wig that made him look like Bruce Jenner on a bad hair day or otherwise the bruise might have been even worse.

“I wonder why Jaguar never asked me to do a TV commercial advertising their cars like they did Dr. Cadbury Rocher,” Renfield mused aloud as he held a beef steak over his head.

“Don’t know,” Amadeus Emanon shrugged as he watched the frozen beef steak melting on Renfield’s forehead.

“I think I’d be excellent at doing commercials,” sighed Renfield.

“Well you have the ability to shapeshift into a hamster, why don’t you apply to do a TV ad for KIA motors since they have hamsters in their TV commercials?” Amadeus suggested.

“That’s an excellent idea,” Renfield went over to his computer to google the nearest KIA motors dealership.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday March 21st
2015.

Permalink 4 Comments