Haikus About Today’s Violent Crackdown In Ukraine

February 18, 2014 at 7:39 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Haikus About Today’s Violent Crackdown In Ukraine

The police storm camp
many killed as protests crushed
Maidan Square flows blood

Ukraine’s President
looks at himself in mirror
Stalin reflects back

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Winter Olympics Open In Sochi and More Fallout Over Kiev

February 7, 2014 at 8:39 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Winter Olympics Open In Sochi and More Fallout Over Kiev

Renfield R. Renfield and Amadeus Emanon were watching the highlights of the Opening Ceremony of the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi on BBC World News.

“Say,” Amadeus asked between munches of hot buttered popcorn, “isn’t that the Norse vampire Odin and the Norse vampire Thor walking on one side of the stadium and the Norse vampire Loki and the Norse wolf Fenrir walking on the other?”.

Renfield looked up from the book he was reading by early 20th Century Italian Marxist theoretician Antonio Gramsci and glanced at the screen, “Yes, I believe it is.”

The scene then switched to Bosnia-Herzegovina where anti- government protests had turned violent.

“Say isn’t that the Ancient Greek vampire Ares in the crowd eating a Mars bar?” Amadeus asked between sips from a bottle of Coca-Cola whose ingredients were listed in the Spanish language (which no doubt would have offended a U.S. Republican Congressman of the Tea Party variety).

“I believe so,” Renfield looked up from his iPhone where he was checking French President Francois Hollande’s Facebook status that read “I did not have sexual relations with that woman…” although he had written it in French.

As a comment below the status, someone had posted a photo of a cartoon caricature of Francois Hollande looking like an extended nose Pinocchio.

On the darkened streets of Sarajevo at night, the BBC News cameras showed the ghost of an assassinated Austrian Archduke walking around saying, “I am the ghost of Franz Ferdinand doomed these past one hundred years to walk the night…”

BBC World News then showed the streets of Kiev where the ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith was walking around hitting Ukrainian policemen on the head with a smart phone shaped spiked stiletto high-heeled shoe while a Ukrainian protestor whistled the theme song from the old 1960s American TV series Get Smart.

“I wonder what Lilith is doing in Kiev?” Amadeus asked as he reached into a bucket of chicken wings

“Maybe looking for a good recipe for Chicken Kiev,” Renfield responded while glancing through a biography of Neville Chamberlain.

The BBC News then showed a video of German Chancellor Angela Merkel looking apoplectic while blasting the United States for a derogatory remark that U.S. Assistant Secretary of State Victoria Nuland had made about the EU in a phone conversation with the U.S. Ambassador to Ukraine.

“F— the EU,” the bugged recording of the conversation had Victoria Nuland saying.

As Renfield flipped through the pages of a book called The Role of The Kama Sutra in Geopolitics and International Relations, Amadeus asked him, “Who do you suppose is responsible for bugging that phone conversation between Assistant Secretary of State Nuland and the U.S. Ambassador to Ukraine?”.

Renfield a renowned hacker, wiretapper and eavesdropper in his own right grinned but said nothing.

Outside the window of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s estate, a colossal raven sat in the branches of a giant oak tree and looking in and eavesdropping on Amadeus and Renfield started to crow, “It’s all a Jewish conspiracy. It’s all a Jewish conspiracy.”

The raven raised its right claw on which it had a black swastika decorated armband.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 7th
2014

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Lilith In Kiev

January 28, 2014 at 8:44 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Lilith In Kiev

Former U. S. President Jimmy Carter looked out the residence of his Georgia home as a rare and fierce snow storm raged outside.

In addition to the snow he was surprised to see the ancient Norse god Thor stumbling through the raging snow drifts clutching his hammer Mjolnir.

Following Thor and growling at him was the Norse wolf Fenrir.

Fenrir had around his neck a small barrel flask (like those worn by Saint Bernard dogs in the Swiss Alps) that had on it the words RAGNAROK OR BUST.

. . .

Ukrainian Prime Minister Mykola Azarov had just announced his resignation and that of the entire governing cabinet.

When the protesting crowds in the streets of the Ukrainian capital of Kiev heard the news, they erupted into loud cheers.

Standing in the midst of the protestors looking conspicuous in a long flowing white evening gown was the ancient but extremely young looking Babylonian vampiress Lilith (who was History’s first vampiress).

Lilith was checking her Nokia Lumia smart phone and had read on her BBC News app that Russian President Vladimir Putin had come down with severe heartburn following a dinner of Belgian waffles he had after an EU-Russia Summit held in Brussels.

Just then she got a text message from the Demon Asmodeus who was standing atop the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.

Asmodeus asked her to call him right away as he said something of great cosmic significance was about to happen.

Lilith also got a text message from one of Paris’ most exclusive fashion shoe stores saying the custom made order she had given for a pair of exclusive high fashion footwear had now come in and would she please call them right away.

Lilith pushed a button and sped dialed the number of the Paris shoe store.

A few seconds later she pushed another button and put an incoming call from the demon Asmodeus on hold.

. . .

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 28th
2014.

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And So The Winter Sun Starts To Set On January 2014

January 28, 2014 at 12:23 am (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

And So The Winter Sun Starts To Set On January 2014

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set walked the streets of London in search of blood.

After biting a few Londoners and draining them of their blood, he showed them what a pain in the neck he could be in London after midnight.

An even bigger pain in the neck than silent film star Lon Chaney Sr.

In cyberspace, he was also searching for blood.

After a recent conversation he had with his company Set Enterprises Laboratories’ resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher, he needed some of the late Pope John Paul II’s blood for the Rocher plan to succeed.

So Set put an ad on eBay saying he’d pay £2 million to anyone who could bring him a genuine vial of the late Pope John Paul II’s blood.

As Set checked the BBC News app on his Galaxy Android phone while draining the blood of and at the same time having coital relations with a beautiful mini skirted Russian girl on the sidewalks of London, he noticed a news story that a holy relic containing the blood of the late Pope John Paul II had been stolen from a chapel in Italy.

Hm, that’s a good sign, Set thought.

“I’m an Aquarius,” was the beautiful mini skirted Russian girl’s last words as she died trying to fix the holes in her torn nylon stockings.

. . .

Pan Goatee was sitting in his Washington DC apartment getting a blow job from a young Monica Lewinsky lookalike while reading a personally autographed copy of former U. S. President Bill Clinton’s autobiography.

On the television screen in the room was a news story about Pope Francis freeing two doves from the window of the Apostolic Palace in the Vatican with the help of two small children.

Only minutes before the two papal peace doves were released, Pope Francis had called for peace in Ukraine.

Then no sooner had the two doves been released by the two children at the window then both birds were attacked much to the horror of tens of thousands of on-lookers in St. Peter’s Square.

An enormous seagull and a huge black crow attacked the two doves.

One dove managed to escape the seagull but the black crow continued to peck at the other dove drawing blood.

“I’ve got a stain on my blue dress!” The Monica Lewinsky lookalike shouted as Pan Goatee came with the full force of a volcanic eruption from Mount Vesuvius.

“Here take this,” Pan Goatee handed her a gift card for a full steam cleaning at a DC Chinese laundry.

. . .

Russian President Vladimir Putin was sitting in his office.

His shortwave radio was picking up a radio station from Texas.

“Hi friends, this is Texe Marrs,” the Texan voice on the radio drolled.

Putin was reading an intercepted CIA report where the CIA agent had written that he had it on the highest authority of a retired U.S. Air Force officer in Texas that the recent anti-government protests in Kiev Ukraine (the current Ukrainian government were staunch allies of Putin’s Russia) was the direct result of a Jewish conspiracy based on an obscure passage in a medieval Khazar translation of the Babylonian Talmud.

Putin pounded the table, “Damn Jews.”

. . .

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was sitting in his office.

He had in front of him a handwritten note written and sent to him by the Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis.

Isis offered to help him build a Third Jewish Temple on the Temple Mount provided he promised to erect a statue of her husband Osiris within the Temple.

Netanyahu sighed.

How was it he was getting messages from all the crazies today?

Earlier he had received an email from a Chinese-Canadian using a Government of Canada Dept. of Health Canada email address offering to sell him the original Golem of Prague if the price was right.

The fellow claimed he had won it in a Destinations Europe contest he had entered.

. . .

Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley was in Geneva Switzerland ostensibly to attend the Geneva II Conference of Peace Talks on Syria.

But an extremely cold Swiss winter had frozen the country’s buttermilk supply.

And Magog used drinking buttermilk as an antidote to his turning into a werewolf.

So instead of attending the conference, Magog walked around the streets of Geneva on all furry fours growling and snarling and eating people.

The people he ate were for the most part tourists who remained stationary long enough for them to take pics of him with their smart phones and upload them to Instagram and Facebook.

And in the process, they remained stationary long enough for him to eat them.

Magog belched loudly as he passed the evening prayer service of a Swiss Reformed Church whose congregation was singing that old southern U.S. spiritual song, “Ezekiel saw the wheel way up in the middle of the air…”

. . .

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 27th
2014.

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Renfield In Davos

January 22, 2014 at 7:17 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield In Davos

Renfield R. Renfield was in Davos Switzerland getting ready for the World Economic Forum.

He was disturbed by reports that his boss Set’s estranged and separated wife the Vampiress Martini was seen all over Davos with Swiss billionaire Lester Mittendorf.

Mittendorf himself had not been seen for 30 years.

Then a few weeks ago, Mittendorf suddenly appeared in public again- in the arms of the Vampiress Martini.

Martini and Mittendorf were seen partying in Geneva.

Mittendorf and Martini were seen partying in Zurich.

Martini and Mittendorf were seen eating basil leafs in Basel.

Mittendorf and Martini were seen yodeling on the Matterhorn.

Martini and Mittendorf were seen live on CNN being rescued by helicopter to escape an avalanche on the Matterhorn said to have been caused by the sound of lousy yodeling.

Renfield wondered whether these two might be secretly planning something against his boss.

Then to top it off, there were reports that agents of his boss’ arch-enemy the Paris based Vampiress Isis were seen attending the Geneva II Peace Conference Talks on Syria that today were held in the Swiss city of Montreux.

Then agents of the Vampiress Isis were also seen in anti-government protests in the streets of the Ukrainian capital of Kiev.

Finally agents of Isis were seen in anti-government protests on the streets of Bangkok Thailand.

Renfield wondered what in the world was going on…

…especially as he viewed the unbelievable and incomprehensible positions he was now seeing on the Internet porn site he was at…

He looked over at his friend and fellow employee Amadeus Emanon to see how he was coping with the world situation.

Amadeus was contentedly munching on Swiss chocolates and humming, “The hills are alive with the sound of music…”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 22nd
2014.

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