Miranda Singh Vs. The Zombie Nosferatu
British MP Renfield R. Renfield and his friend Amadeus Emanon were down at the Set Enterprises Laboatories in London.
They were talking with Set Enterprises’ eccentric scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague while Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was in his aquarium playing Frederic Chopin’s Prelude In E-Minor on his underwater piano.
“So that was one of the underreported big news stories last week,” Dr. Marmalade Montague remarked, “North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un’s younger sister Kim Yo-jong is threatening to kick Joe Biden’s senile old ass.”
“I wonder if she’ll be doing that while Biden is debating Russian President Vladimir Putin on livestream,” Renfield commented, “that is if Biden accepts Putin’s challenge of a debate which I doubt he will.”
“What’s Kim Yo-jong doing issuing ultimatums on behalf of North Korea?” Amadeus Emanon asked, “Is she acting as de facto leader of North Korea?”.
“Undoubtedly,” Renfield nodded.
“What’s Kim Jong-un doing?” Amadeus wanted to know.
“Undoubtedly taking one of his lengthy refrigerator breaks,” Renfield answered, “Either that or going on a diet after one of his lengthy refrigerator breaks.”
Suddenly Michelangelo started tapping a unique sound on his piano keys.
“What is that?” Renfield listened attentively to the sound.
“It’s Morse code,” Dr. Marmalade Montague answered.
“Morse code?” Renfield looked puzzled, “I thought that went out of use when the last telegraph line was eaten by the last dinosaur.”
Extremely Curious George the recently created stegosaurus shot Renfield an extremely curious look when he walked by the room.
He continued down the hallway.
Presumably in search of the last telegraph line.
“Michelangelo saw a vision a moment ago,” Dr. Marmalade Montague started jotting down dots and dashes on his notepad with his pencil, “so not having the power of vocal speech, he’s communicating what he saw. Apparently Set Enterprises’ secret intelligence agent Miranda Singh is in mortal danger. Zombie nosferatu at the American CIA are plotting to kill her. Even now zombie nosferatu are descending upon a castle in Spain as we speak.”
“What’s Miranda doing at a castle in Spain?” Renfield asked.
“She’s currently on a modeling fashion photo shoot for Shinihas Ageless Collection,” Dr. Montague replied.
Miranda Singh’s cover was working as a fashion model at various locales in the world.
“We better warn her,” said Amadeus.
“Already on it,” Dr. Montague parted curtains next to his office water cooler.
Behind the curtains was an unusual contraption.
“That looks like a 1940s era ham radio,” Renfield remarked.
“That’s because it is,” Montague started sending out a transmission on it, “Miranda has a radio receiver in her left earring.”
Meanwhile in Joe Biden’s Oval Office, a high-ranking Neo-Bolshevik Communist official in the American CIA put down a document on Biden’s desk for him to sign.
“What is this?” Biden asked.
“A document authorizing the assassination of an enemy agent,” the CIA official answered.
“But I didn’t think my signature was required for these?” Biden looked baffled- in other words his usual self.
“Yes, but just on the off chance anything goes wrong in this case, we want the buck to stop here,” the CIA official put down an American dollar bill on Biden’s desk.
“Whose picture is this?” Biden asked.
“George Washington,” the CIA official replied.
“He looks white,” Biden looked carefully at the bill.
“He was white,” the CIA official pointed out.
“But isn’t depicting white guys a sign of racism and white privilege?” Biden scratched his head.
“It is,” the CIA official agreed, “Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is currently trying to track down a rare black and white photo of Karl Marx doing a rare minstrel show performance in London to use as the face on the new American dollar bill which will be printed in time for the next trillion dollar Covid bailout which will bankrupt this country for generations to come.”
“I see,” Biden nodded and signed the paper.
At that moment in Spain a zombie nosferatu American CIA agent (treated with a special formula invented by DARPA using a combination of goats’ milk and old photographic dark room chemical fluid that allowed zombie nosferatu to venture forth in the daylight) approached Miranda Singh.
Miranda Singh turned and faced him directly.
She unhooked her right earring (that contained a silver arrowpoint designed to kill vampires and werewolves) and threw it at him.
The zombie nosferatu fell over dead.
A multiple charging laser beam (activated by the radio receiver in her left ear) then shot out and went forth and killed all the zombie nosferatu in the immediate vicinity.
It was a photo shoot that the Shinihas Ageless Collection camera crew would never forget.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 24th
2021.
Is Kim Jong-un On His Death Bed?
Is Kim Jong-un On His Death Bed?
“The most compelling empirical evidence to date that North Korea’s Kim Jong-un might indeed be lying on his deathbed is Donald Trump’s recent statement that reports of Kim having a serious illness are “gross exaggerations” and “fake news”.
-Renfield R. Renfield MP
Kim Jong-un was lying on top of his bed in his best suit (he didn’t want to be caught wearing clothes that he wouldn’t want to be found dead in).
“Egg foo yung,” Kim whispered in a somewhat audible voice, “Egg foo yung.”
“He really should have better scriptwriters in my opinion,” commented the ghost of Orson Welles who had Charles Foster Kane saying the word “Rosebud” on his death bed.
Orson’s ghost had somehow managed to evade the spirits of Kim’s ancestors to enter the North Korean Presidential Palace and Kim’s Presidential suite bedroom.
A group of beautiful young North Korean women wearing lovely colourful dresses knelt at the bottom of the portly young Kim’s bed and wailed like a Greek chorus mourning the death of Adonis in a Classical Greek tragedy.
A gong sounded and the beautiful North Korean women’s chorus immediately stopped wailing.
“Our shift is over, girls,” said the leader of the women.
They departed giggling and laughing and talked about what they might have for supper and who’d they be dating next weekend.
A new group of beautiful young North Korean women wearing lovely colourful dresses took positions at the bottom of the portly young Kim’s bed and resumed wailing.
. . .
Kim Yo-jong (the younger sister of Kim Jong-un) stood in front of her mirror holding a bottle of Corona beer in one hand and a diamond, emerald, sapphire and jade laced golden crown in the other.
Kim Yo-jong (speaking) :
Does the hand of Fate bequeath a new crown?
As Thanatos smiles behind a silent frown?
Has a golden corona struck down a King so a Queen may reign?
An Olympic garland wreath comes to me via a crown spoken in Spain?
I call upon the spirits of my ancestors to bless me
as a new journey I may undertake.
America’s trump has sounded from one whose golden crown is densely fake.
Yet will a disinfectant injection into my brother’s lungs will he take?
-A vampire novel chapter
and neo-Shakespearean soliloquy
written by Christopher
Saturday April 25th
2020
Renfield and Amadeus Discuss The Singapore Summit
Renfield and Amadeus Discuss The Singapore Summit
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was having lunch with his close friend Amadeus Emanon the personal concert pianist to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
Renfield was having half a dozen tuna fish sandwiches and Amadeus was enjoying a 12-course Chinese combination dinner from Lydo’s Chinese Food.
He liked the catchy jingle on their commercials, “426-5050, if you’re hungry 😋, call the Lydo now. Freeee delivereee!”.
And then the sexy Chinese vampiress Meiling Manchu at the end of the commercial, “Don’t forget to dial the local area code first before the number.”
She then smiled before biting into a sumptuous egg roll with her vampiric incisor fangs.
Meiling Manchu hides her vampiric incisor fangs with her arm.
“So, what did you think of the Singapore Summit meeting between Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un?” Amadeus asked as he bit into a sweet and sour sparerib and wondered why Porky 🐷 Pig had a spare rib but Adam in the Garden of Eden didn’t.
“Kim Jong-un came out on top,” Renfield spoke as if he was giving an English language voice over to a Japanese porno film.
“You really think so?” Amadeus started to dig into the beef chop suey with his chop sticks.
“I do,” Renfield belched over his 2nd glass of bourbon 🥃 .
“What makes you think so?” Amadeus polished off the Chicken Fried Rice and moved in on the Egg Foo Yong.
“All Kim Jong-un did was just promise to give up his nuclear weapons,” Renfield inhaled a piece of tuna as if it were crack cocaine, “and you know what the singers Simon and Garfunkel said about promises in their song The Boxer?”.
“All lies and jest, still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest,” Amadeus laid aside the pamphlet entitled Overeating Is The Primary Cause of Obesity.
“Exactly,” Renfield poured two more glasses of bourbon 🥃 for himself, “while Trump has gone and openly cancelled the military war games that the U.S. holds with South Korea each year which so pissed off the North, Kim has given very little in return. So it’s a win-win situation for Kim while it’s a Tweet and Brag situation for Trump.”
“What transpired at the summit that led to this?” Amadeus ate a bowl of lychee nuts for dessert.
“Well my spies in Singapore tell me that a beautiful North Korean woman was called upon to make a major sacrifice for her country and give the pompous toupee wearing blowhard Trump a blow job in order that he’d agree to Kim Jong-un’s demands,” Renfield replied.
“How awful,” Amadeus Emanon blew his nose sympathetically for the poor woman.
Meanwhile in his laboratory aquarium at Set Enterprises, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of two classical Roman style busts on display in the British Museum in the near future.
One was a bust of Julius Caesar that bore the inscription, “I came, I saw, I conquered.”
The other was a bust of Donald Trump that said, “I saw, I came, I capitulated.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 12th
2018.
The Black Jaguar and The White Wolf In Singapore
The Black Jaguar and The White Wolf In Singapore
Kim Yo-jong the sister of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un was walking through the streets of Singapore late at night.
A man wearing dark sunglasses 😎 and a red spider monkey fur toupee (surrounded by a group of men in black overcoats also wearing dark sunglasses 🕶 and earphones in their ears) approached her.
The man was turned on by Kim Yo-jong’s tight clinging skirt and exquisite pair of spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes 👠.
“Excuse me, miss, but would you be willing to give me a blow job?” The man with the toupee asked her.
“He’ll gladly pay you $130,000,” the man’s lawyer spoke to Kim Yo-jong via FaceTime on the toupee wearing man’s iPhone that was made in China by Chinese slave labour.
Kim Yo-jong told the toupee wearing man, “Go fuck yourself, you pervert!” and kicked the man in the balls sending him backwards 666 yards.
“She’s assaulted the President! Grab her!” One of the men in black overcoat and wearing dark sunglasses shouted to the others wearing the same.
The men in black overcoats and dark sunglasses simultaneously reached out to grab her.
They likewise found themselves kicked several hundreds of yards away by the North Korean Dragon Sister and had resulting extremely sore testicles as well.
“I’m glad I decided to turn in live to this live Singapore camera street shot on YouTube,” a former DARPA employee remarked to his pet otter over a shared bottle of bourbon after watching the previous martial arts display live.
The otter nodded enthusiastically.
As Kim Yo-jong walked down the street, a white wolf with blue eyes looked protectively at the woman and followed her.
When she returned safely to her hotel, the white wolf then walked several blocks away to another hotel.
He rode the elevator up to the 18th floor of the hotel.
With his right front paw, he then entered a computerized password on the door and the door to the room opened.
Standing there was a black jaguar with golden greenish eyes who emitted a loud hiss at the white wolf with blue eyes.
“Begone Satan!” A female voice said.
The black jaguar turned, saw the woman and vanished.
The woman was the ghost of Rita Hayworth who had been sent from Paradise to Earth on the orders of Saint Michael the Archangel.
As Rita Hayworth sat there in her heavenly white evening dress, the white wolf with blue eyes wagged his tail.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 11th
2018.
The Kim Yo-jong Van Helsing Encounter
The Kim Yo-jong Van Helsing Encounter
Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was meeting Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in a popular London Fish N’ Chips shop called Cockney Kids Fish N’ Chips.
Van Helsing had just returned from Wales 🏴 where he had spent the entire week making out with Lepardia Marango who was the South African government’s Cultural Attaché in London.
Whitstable was still trying to recover from the shocking and totally unexpected news that North Korea’s Kim Jong-un had invited Donald Trump to meet with him and Trump had accepted.
Whitstable was convinced that there was something more at work here than just the diplomatic efforts of South Korea’s President Moon Jae-in.
“Dracul,” Whitstable wanted to know, “was there something more to your encounter with Kim Yo-jong than just finding out if she was a kumiho (a nine-tailed fox from Korean folklore and mythology who’s over a thousand years old and has the ability to shapeshift back and forth into a beautiful woman).”
“As Richard Dawkins is my witness,” Dracul answered, “there wasn’t.”
At that moment, the chef/owner of Cockney Kids Fish N’ Chips Shop immediately took the Today’s Special: All You Can Eat Fish and Chips sign off the counter as soon as he saw Amadeus Emanon walk through the door of the restaurant.
…
French President Emmanuel Macron was reading a report compiled by French Intelligence on whether the government of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad had been using chemical weapons against civilians in the Eastern Ghouta suburb.
He turned white when reading the report.
He immediately got on the phone ☎️ to U.S. President Donald Trump.
Meanwhile in the Oval Office, Donald Trump was reading an NSA (National Security Agency) report that was turning his orangish reddish toupee white.
The NSA was currently monitoring a blogger who ostensibly was writing a science-fiction novel on-line but DARPA was convinced that there was something more to it.
“Oh my Divine Self,” Trump exclaimed to an aide, “There may be the possibility that an illegal Japanese alien in this country is actually the Greek Gorgon Medusa in disguise.”
…
Meanwhile in his parliamentary office in Westminster, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was telling the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill over brandy, “I, an Opposition MP with only 2 seats for my Party in Parliament, have been invited by the Home Secretary Amber Rudd to a meeting of the government’s emergency committee Cobra tomorrow to discuss the nerve agent attacks on former Russian spy Sergei Skripal and his daughter Yulia Skripal.”
“Congratulations, Mr. Renfield,” Churchill raised his glass, “You appear to have arrived.”
…
Meanwhile back in his London apartment, Dracul Van Helsing received a phone call from Kim Yo-jong the younger sister of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un.
“Dracul,” she said breathlessly, “Thank you for the gift. Wherever did you find an ancient Korean edition of the Kama Sutra?”.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 9th
2018.
Dracul Van Helsing and The Kumiho
Dracul Van Helsing and The Kumiho
A kumiho (literally “nine tailed fox”) is a creature that appears in the ancient tales and myths of Korea.
According to Korean folklore, a fox that lives a thousand years turns into a kumiho.
This 9-tailed fox has the ability to shape shift and can turn into a beautiful woman who seduces men and then eats their heart or liver.
Donald Trump had contacted Interpol and explained his theory that it was his belief that Kim Yo-jong the sister of Kim Jong-un was a kumiho.
The file was passed to Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol to investigate.
Whitstable was currently investigating reports of a werewolf in the highlands of Scotland 🏴 so he sent his friend and colleague the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to PyeongChang to investigate Kim Yo-jong.
Whitstable was currently attending a same species marriage of two horses 🐎 🐎 at the blacksmith’s shop in the Scottish town of Gretna Green when he managed to get ahold of Van Helsing on his smart phone.
“Did you get a chance to see Kim Yo-jong?” Whitstable asked.
“I did,” Van Helsing said, “I had dinner with her.”
“Do you think she’s a kumiho? A nine-tailed fox in disguise?” Whitstable inquired.
“She had only one tail as far as I could see,” Van Helsing answered.
He had dropped coins on the floor under the dinner table so he could look up her skirt (in a maneuver he had learned from watching John Candy in action in the 1984 movie Splash).
The move had earned him a kick in the head from one of Kim Yo-jong’s spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.
“Well I didn’t think the story was true given the source of the information,” Whitstable admitted.
“Oh my God, she ate my liver!” Van Helsing exclaimed when he opened his doggy bag that he had packed up from the restaurant a few nights before and noticed that all his grilled liver and onions were gone.
“What!” Whitstable was shocked, “Stay calm, Dracul and hold tight. I’ll be there as soon as possible.”
Whitstable promptly leapt on the mare of honour at the wedding (or was it the best stallion?) and started riding south across the border towards London while on his smart phone he was busy booking the most timely flight he could get from London to Seoul.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday February 12th
2018
Haiku About PyeongChang 2018 Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony
Haiku About PyeongChang 2018 Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony
Winter games open
So who will come out on top?
Athletes or despot?
Dracul Van Helsing 
Kim Jong-un Puts His Ballistic Missiles On Display At Night Time 75th Anniversary Military Parade
October 10, 2020 at 10:58 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (Democratic People's Republic of Korea, Kim Jong-un, Kim Yo-jong, North Korea, Renfield R. Renfield)
Today marks the 75th Anniversary of the founding of the Workers’ Party of Korea (which is the official name of North Korea’s ruling Communist Party).
It was on October 10th 1945 that the Workers’ Party of Korea was founded by Kim Il-sung after the Korean Peninsula was liberated from 35 years of Japanese Imperial rule following the Japanese surrender to the U.S. earlier in that summer of 1945.
Kim Il-sung founded the Communist state of North Korea in 1948 following the failure to reunite the two zones of the Korean Peninsula.
After the surrender of the Japanese in 1945, the Korean Peninsula was divided into two zones with the north occupied by the Soviet Union and the south occupied by the United States.
Negotiations on reunification failed in 1948 and two separate states were formed that year: the socialist Democratic People’s Republic of Korea in the north and the capitalist Republic of Korea in the south.
North Korea under Kim Il-sung invaded South Korea on June 25th 1950.
The invasion marked the start of the 3 year long Korean War that ended on July 27th 1953 in an armistice.
There has never been an official peace treaty signed between the two states.
Kim Il-sung kicked the bucket on July 8th 1994 and he was succeeded by his son Kim Jong-il.
Kim Jong-il led North Korea until one day it so happened that Kim Jong-il became so ill that he wound up Kim Jong-dead rather than Kim Jong-il.
This occurred on December 17th 2011 and he was succeeeded by his son the rather pudgy Kim Jong-un who took over as the new Supreme Leader of North Korea.
British MP Renfield R. Renfield gave a podcast talking about today’s rare night time military parade held just before dawn today October 10th 2020 to mark the 75th Anniversary of the Workers’ Party of Korea.
Renfield: Why was this parade held just before dawn you might ask?
Well the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit believes that it was because a vampire (who doesn’t have access to Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s Sunblock For Vampiresses which only seems to work on vampiresses- hence the name- but not on vampires despite the politically correct protestations of transgendered vampires to the contrary who always find themselves transfigured into piles of dust when they appear before Human Rights tribunals in the daylight to denounce what they say is sexist genderphobic advertising and labelling found on Set Enterprises’ products in an all-night pharmacy near you) wanted to see the parade.
It is the country’s first large scale military parade in two years and comes just weeks ahead of the U.S. Presidential election.
This year’s rare night time military parade featured intercontinental ballistic missiles.
North Korea has not featured ballistic missiles in any of its parades since President Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un held their first summit back on June 12th 2018 in Singapore.
Why is Kim putting his big ballistic missiles on public display?
Well the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit believes that Kim Jong-un’s far more savvy and far more intelligent sister Kim Yo-jong thinks that a Communist United States of America (which will occur if the Biden-Harris ticket wins in November) would be a far more greater threat to the world than the current Presidential Administration.
A Communist United States of America would incorporate the worst aspects of Communism (remember how expansionst Communist Russia was and how expansionist the current Communist Chinese regime is as it threatens all its neighbours the Philippines, Malaysia, Vietnam, Taiwan, India and Japan) and the worst aspects of American expansionism (note how the U.S. government seized territory from Mexico and the great First Nations tribes and confederacies such as the Iroquois, the Seminoles, the Apaches, the Lakota Sioux and many others to say nothing of the U.S. forcibly annexing the island kingdom of Hawaii in 1898 causing that brilliant young and promising leader the Crown Princess Ka’iulani of Hawaii to die of heartbreak to say nothing of the United States seizing control of Cuba and the Philippines in the Spanish-American War).
Notice how Kamala Harris boasted in the recent Vice-Presidential Debate that a whole bunch of Republicans (including members of George W. Bush’s cabinet) and numerous Generals had come out in favour of the Biden-Harris ticket.
What Harris and the mainstream Marxist media neglect to mention is that those same Republicans and generals were the same ones staunchly in favour of invading Iraq and launching perpetual wars and pre-emptive military strikes throughout the world.
The George W. Bush Doctrine (so strongly defended by the late Sen.John McCain) was the result of that neo-conservative policy document Project For The New American Century formulated back in the 1990s.
What people tend to forget was that most of the neo-conservatives who formulated that doctrine were ex-Trotskyites.
And remember how Leon Trotsky tried to expand Soviet Communism into Europe following the end of the First World War.
He was finally stopped by the Polish Army of Marshal Josef Pilsudski at the Battle of The Vistula 100 years ago in August 1920.
Kim Yo-jong has grasped what the rest of the world has not.
That a Communist United States of America (incorporating the worst aspects of Communist expansionism and the worst aspects of American expansionism) would be a greater threat to world peace than what a Communist Russia ever was or what a Communist China ever could be.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday October 10th
2020.
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