Joe Biden Asked To Perform An Agamemnon

August 31, 2022 at 10:57 pm (Art History, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Literature, Mythology, News, Politics, Science, Technology, The Supernatural, theatre, Theatre Arts, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

The Greek goddess Artemis being serenaded by musicians who were brought to life from a mural painting

“Who is Aeschylus?” Vice-President Kamala Harris asked one of her aides.

“He was an ancient Greek playwright who lived from approximately 525 BC to 456 BC and is believed to have written anywhere from 70 to 90 plays,” her aide answered, “He is considered the Father of Tragedy. In fact his ghost is believed to have written the recent Inflation Reduction Act. In fact on the night of April 4th 1968, Bobby Kennedy quoted from Aeschylus while addressing Afro-American voters in Indianapolis, Indiana when he had to break the tragic news to them that the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King had been assassinated. The Aeschylus quote was this:

“Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God.”

“What were some of his plays?” Kamala asked.

“Well he once wrote a trilogy of plays about the family of King Agamemnon of Mycenae the fellow who commanded the Greeks during the Trojan War,” her aide replied, “The trilogy was called The Oresteia named after Orestes who was a son of King Agamemnon.”

“Rather ironic you should be talking about The Oresteia,” remarked a leading high-ranking NASA official as he walked by on his way to the Oval Office to see Joe Biden.

“Ironic? How so?” Kamala inquired.

“That’s on a need to know basis and you don’t need to know,” the NASA official replied.

The FBI agent accompanying the NASA official was a Neo-Bolshevik Communist (like most FBI agents are these days) and did not understand the classical allusions that were being thrown around.

This entire scene was part of a dream (or was it a vision?) being seen by Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises Laboratories in London, England.

The name of the high-ranking NASA official was Dr. Nachash Naga.

He was on an important mission for NASA.

The Artemis 1 moon rocket was supposed to have been launched this past Monday August 29th 2022 but then something happened and the launch was postponed until this Saturday September 3rd 2022.

But even that might be postponed further because of new information that had come up.


“Mr. President,” Dr. Nachash Naga addressed the Pooper-In-Chief, “We need you to do something for us.”

“Glad to oblige,” Biden ate a piece of Ex-Lax.

“Mr. President, we have a problem and it isn’t Houston,” Dr. Nachash Naga explained, “Do you remember last fall when you went deer hunting?”.

“Um, I don’t actually,” answered the Pooper-In-Chief who suffered from dementia.

“Well, you shot and killed a deer,” Dr. Nachash Naga pointed out.

“Good for me,” Joe Biden grinned.

“Well that turned out to be a bad thing, Mr. President,” Dr. Nachash Naga hissed, “It turned out that the deer you shot and killed was a deer sacred to the Greek goddess Artemis.”

“Who is Artemis?” Joe Biden looked at a photo of the Belvedere Apollo and wondered if he should invite the sculpted statue to join his cabinet.

“Artemis was the Greek goddess of the hunt and wild animals as well as the Greek goddess of the moon,” Dr. Nachash Naga flashed his incisors, “and as a result of your killing that deer sacred to her, she is preventing the Artemis 1 rocket from being launched.”

“So, what can I do about it?” Joe Biden scratched his diaper rash.

“Well when King Agamemnon of Mycenae slew and killed a deer sacred to Artemis and the goddess prevented the Greek fleet from sailing towards Troy as punishment, Agamemnon was forced to sacrifice his daughter Iphigenia to Artemis to appease her wrath.”

“So what do you want me to do?” Biden put on Kamala Harris’ high school Dunce cap.

“We want you to sacrifice your daughter to Artemis in the next couple of days to appease her wrath so we can get the Artemis 1 moon rocket launched this coming Saturday,” Dr. Nachash Naga began filing his fingernails.

“Can I sniff her hair before I sacrifice her?” Joe Biden asked.

“Of course, Mr. President,” Dr. Nachash Naga looked exasperated.

“Wait,” Joe Biden suddenly had a moment of clarity after taking a Claritin tablet, “Jill might be rather pissed at me if I sacrifice Ashley.”

“Joe, I have a suggestion,” Barack Obama delivered his instructions into Joe’s earpiece as he always did, “Did you ever have any extra marital affairs?”.

“I can’t remember,” Joe was trying to remember the tune of the Bob Hope song Thanks For The Memory.

“Well ask some of your FBI agents to stop sifting through Donald Trump’s underwear and try to track down any extra marital affairs you might have had and any children you might have had particularly girls,” Obama explained, “Then you can sacrifice that daughter from an extra marital affair.”

“Gee, I wonder if any are still alive,” Biden picked his nose, “This is one occasion when I wish I hadn’t been so gung ho for abortion.”

“Just send out the FBI, Joe,” Obama barked, “Find any surviving daughters from those extra marital affairs and just do the damned sacrifice. We’ve got to get to the moon before Vladimir Putin and Jackie Gleason’s wife Alice do.”

Meanwhile in Hunter Biden’s room, he was being visited by the ghost of a beautiful young Greek girl named Electra.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 31st

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Pan Goatee Beheads A Couple of More Uglos Plus Their Moronic Low-IQ Boyfriends

February 25, 2022 at 10:03 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

World-famous genetically created satyr Pan Goatee celebrating Chinese New Year earlier this month

All Hell seemed to have broken out this week.

Uglos were making a bleak mid-winter appearance in Calgary.

The price of gasoline was hitting an all time high.

And Russia had invaded Ukraine.

The serial killing gnome Jarod Jerome Le Gnome and his friend Pan Goatee seemed to be enjoying their bus ride.

So far no uglos had got on the bus they were riding.

Then about 3 stops before they were about to get off an uglo got on.

Then she decided to get off at the next stop and like all obnoxious and inconsiderate uglos she used the door closest to Jarod Jerome and Pan.

Jarod Jerome immediatly went and punched the uglo 999 trillion times in the face.

Pan Goatee beheaded the uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

A Confucius lookalike sitting on the bus used his fingers at lightning speed to keep track of each punch and each cut on his abacus.

Jarod and Pan had to use a bus door two doors down to get off because of the mess made where the now beheaded and dismembered uglo had tried to get off.

Krampus the demon goat of Hell carried the uglo’s remains down to Tartarus.

A three-headed Godzilla (who was filling in for a now deceased three headed snake who was filling in for a sick on his deathbed three headed dog Cerberus at the entrance to the realm of Hades) committed hara-kiri when Krampus came by with the uglo’s remains.

“Shit there goes another one,” Hades the Greek god of the Underworld remarked when he heard what happened to the realm’s latest guardian and watcher.

“Actually there goes another three,” Persephone the Greek goddess of the Underworld pointed out as she threw an ancient Greek drachma coin up into the air and it landed heads.

Jarod Jerome Le Gnome and Pan Goatee then headed in the direction of a nearby McDonald’s where they would buy themselves each a Big Mac and a Diet Coke.

As they approached, they were visually assaulted by the sight of a super repulsively ugly looking high school girl and her two moronic looking low-IQ high school boyfriends.

“I’ll never be able to think of the term menage a trois ever again without barfing all over the place,” Goatee remarked as he barfed all over the place.

As Goatee was busy barfing all over the place, Jarod Jerome Le Gnome punched the repulsive looking high school uglo in the face 999 trillion times.

When Goatee was sufficiently barfed out, he beheaded the high school uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Krampus the demon goat carried the uglo’s remains down to Tartarus while singer Frankie Avalon sang a paraphrased version of a song from the musical Grease- this paraphrased version being “Uglo school drop down…”

A three-headed scorpion (temporarily filling in as the guardian and protector of the Realm of Hades) stung itself to death as Krampus walked by with the high school uglo’s remains.

Jarod Jerome Le Gnome then punched the two high school morons in the face 999 trillion times each for being such idiots with appalling bad taste.

Goatee then beheaded the two morons as he commented, “It’s idiots like you who probably vote for the likes of Joe Biden and Justin Trudeau.”

He then cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.

. . .

Over in Ukraine the ghosts of the ancient Trojans (led by the ghost of Prince Hector of Troy) were fighting on the side of the Ukrainians while the ghosts of the ancient Greeks (led by King Agamemnon of Mycenae) were fighting on the side of the Russians.

An interesting development occurred when the ghost of Iphigenia managed to escape her father King Agamemnon’s 2nd sacrifice of her to Artemis.

King Agamemnon was planning to sacrifice his daughter’s ghost to Artemis with a little help from spirit cook Marina Abramovic.

Iphigenia was so ticked at her father trying to sacrifice her to Artemis for a second time that she resolved to fight on the side of the Trojans and the Ukrainans.

The ghost of Hector was delighted to have Iphigenia as an ally.

He asked his younger sister Cassandra to become her friend.

The ghosts of Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud watched Iphigenia’s introduction to Cassandra.

“I wonder who Apollo the Greek god of prophecy,” Jung pondered, “will prophesy to win the Ukraine-Russia War?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 25th

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Agamemnon and Putin

February 27, 2018 at 11:00 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Agamemnon and Putin

King Agamemnon of Mycenae was well aware that his brother Menelaus the king of Sparta was pissed.

That horny young Trojan stud Paris had run off with Menelaus’ wife Helen and had taken her back to Troy with him.

Menelaus was anxious to wage war on the Trojans.

Agamemnon wasn’t sure whether it was right to sack an entire city over the loss of one woman.

Possibly negotiations could be done with Troy and Helen could be sent back to Sparta peacefully to receive her punishment.

Ares the god of war however had different ideas.

He thought it was about time for a major global war which would result in bloodshed and great loss of life.

Ares decided to tempt Agamemnon into war.

He presented Agamemnon with visions of the immense treasures that Troy possessed.

“If you wage war on the Trojans and sack this city, all these treasures will be yours,” Ares tempted, “make unreasonable demands on the Trojans in your peace offerings. Besides the return of Helen, demand these things…”

Ares gave him a list.

“The Trojans will naturally refuse,” Ares smiled, “and then you can wage war on them. And take all their treasures for yourself.”

“And will you support me in this war?” Agamemnon asked.

“Of course,” Ares promised.

Later of course, Ares would change his mind after Aphrodite the goddess of love gave him an out of this world blow job.

He switched his support to the Trojans as a result of Aphrodite’s oral persuasion.

But in the meantime, Agamemnon was hooked on Ares’ offer.

All those hidden treasures of the Trojans went through his mind.

His mind made up, he decided to go on a deer 🦌 hunt and then make his final decision.

. . .

Russian President Vladimir Putin was reading a report on the situation in Syria.

He had been informed that the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was siding with the Turks in northern Syria while the medieval vampire Dracula was siding with the Kurds (against the Transylvanian-Wallachian nobleman’s old enemy the Turks).

Putin rubbed his head.

He had certainly come a long way from being a spy for a state based on atheistic dialectical materialism.

He had been getting loads of supernatural visitors the past few years as well as reading numerous reports of supernatural occurrences in various war zones.

“You should attack Israel 🇮🇱,” said Ares the Greek god of war who was standing in Putin’s office.

“Speak of the devil,” thought Putin who returned back to the present from his musings on the supernatural.

At one time he would have been surprised by the sudden appearance of the Greek god of war in his office but not anymore.

Ares meanwhile had just been given an out of this world blow job by Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.

He had been promised a lot more if he could get Putin to attack Israel.

So Ares had promptly left Allatallahbel’s boudoir and hurried to Putin’s office.

“Why should I invade Israel?” Putin bit into his kosher smoked meat on rye sandwich.

“To take control of Israel’s hidden treasures,” Ares smiled temptingly.

“What hidden treasures?” Putin asked.

Ares then filled Putin’s mind with visions of Israel’s hidden treasures.

“I didn’t know Israel had such treasures,” Putin finished his kosher smoked meat on rye sandwich.

“It does,” said Ares whose smart phone suddenly went off.

He received a text message from his lover Aphrodite who was busy servicing an 84-year-old man with an inexhaustible mojo who lived in a small fishing 🎣 village in Italy.

“What an unfaithful floozy,” Ares said aloud before heading back to Allatallahbel’s boudoir.

Meanwhile Putin was thinking 🤔 about Ares’ visions of Israel’s hidden treasures.

He would go on a deer 🦌 hunt and then make up his mind.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 27th

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Haiku About King Agamemnon

February 8, 2018 at 10:01 pm (History, Literature, Mythology, Poetry) (, , , )

Haiku About King Agamemnon

Sacrificed daughter
so he could sack a city
slain on his return

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