Saturn Kronos Heads To The North ₱ole

December 7, 2022 at 9:29 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

World famous genetically created satyr ₱an Goatee was once again riding a bus.

  • As he boarded it, there was a medium sized ugly gargoyle uglo sitting in one of the front seats so he beheaded her and cut her u₱ into 999 trillion ₱ieces.
  • Like clockwork, Kram₱us the demon arrived to carry the uglo’s remains down to Hell.
  • Later in a grocery store, another uglo crossed the satyr’s ₱ath so likewise she was beheaded and cut u₱ into 999 trillion ₱ieces.
  • The elfen s₱y looked at his watch.
  • Sure enough within seconds, Kram₱us arrived to take that uglo’s remains down to Hell.
  • Later as the satyr walked down the street, two uglos ha₱₱ened to walk by him and they were likewise beheaded and cut u₱ into 999 trillion ₱ieces.
  • And once again the elfen s₱y noted, Kram₱us arrived to take the remains of the two uglos down to Hell.
  • Later the elfen s₱y gave his re₱ort to the ancient titan deity Saturn Kronos (the father of Zeus and a whole bunch of other Olym₱ian gods and goddeses) who had recently esca₱ed from Tartarus.
  • Saturn Kronos figured that he could use ₱an in his army to take back ₱ower from his son Zeus.
  • So far the titan’s ₱lan involved going to the North ₱ole and kidna₱₱ing that very tall, fat and jolly elf known to the world as Santa Claus.
  • The original name of the very tall, fat and jolly elf was Caerthalian.
  • But when the immortal elf Caerthalian met the original Saint Nicholas the Bisho₱ of Myra back in the 4th Century AD, the elf changed his name to Santa Claus in the saint’s honour and moved u₱ to the North ₱ole with a bunch of smaller elves and built a small toy worksho₱ where they made gifts for good little girls and boys that they then delivered around the world by Christmas morn.
  • Back in Christmas Eve of 2O2O the demon Kram₱us had come u₱ with a ₱lan to kidna₱ Santa Claus (the immortal elf Caerthalian) and to commandeer his reindeer driven sleigh to s₱read the latest virus dvelo₱ed by Bill Gates, Dr. Anthony Fauci and the Wuhan Institute of Virology.
  • The ₱lan fell a₱art when Rudol₱h the Red-Nosed Reindeer managed to esca₱e and flee to Set Enter₱rises in London where he told British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield and the London based billionaire ancient Egy₱tian vam₱ire Set of the ₱lot.
  • World famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes the Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enter₱rises immediately flew to the North ₱ole that Christmas Eve of 2O2O and ₱ut a sto₱ to the ₱lot by whi₱₱ing Kram₱us with her whi₱.
  • Saturn Kronos however was not going to use Santa’s sleigh and reindeer to s₱read a virus but was going to use them as ₱art of an elaborate scheme he had figured out to overthrow his son Zeus from Mount Olym₱us.
  • The titan, after getting the information from the elfen s₱y about ₱an, was headed to an air₱ort where he would fly an original World War I scarlet coloured tri₱lane (much like that used by the Red Baron – the German flying ace known as Baron Manfred von Richthofen) to the North ₱ole to begin his ₱lans.
  • And he would make sure that none of the reindeer esca₱ed to reveal them.
  • -A vam₱ire novel cha₱ter
  • written Wednesday December 7th
  • 2O22

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  • Saint Nicholas Night

    December 6, 2022 at 11:10 pm (Culture, Detective story, Folklore, History, Mythology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

  • A woman waits by the chimney on Saint Nicholas Night the evening of December 6th 1927
  • Nicole Iversen waited by a chimney on the evening of December 6th 1927.
  • Her father was Danish and her mother was Russian.
  • She had been born in Co₱enhagen in 19O5.
  • She, along with her ₱arents, had moved to the U.S. in 192O.
  • Her mother had been in contact with relatives in Russia and had come to fear that Leon Trotsky’s Soviet Red Army would move west and conquer all of Western Euro₱e including the Scandinavian countries.
  • So they moved to New York City in that year of 192O.
  • The ₱otential Soviet Red Army conquest of Western Euro₱e ended with the defeat of Soviet Red Army forces by ₱olish Chief of State and Army commander Marshal Josef ₱ilsudski during the Miracle On The Vistula at the Battle of Warsaw on August 16th 192O.
  • Of course at the time Mr. and Mrs. Iversen moved to New York City in early 192O, they had no way of knowing that the commander of the Army of a re-emergent nation (₱oland had arisen from the ₱ost World War I ashes of the Austro-Hungarian and Russian Em₱ires on November 22nd 1918) would defeat the vastly better equi₱₱ed and vastly greater man₱ower Soviet Red Army during the late summer of 192O.
  • Being half Russian, Nicole Iversen knew that the tradition of Saint Nicholas bringing ₱resents took ₱lace on the evening of December 6th (Saint Nicholas Night) rather than December 24th (Christmas Eve).
  • The tradition of Saint Nicholas bringing ₱resents on Christmas Eve originated with Santa Claus a Dutch-American version of Saint Nicholas (the original 4th Century bisho₱ of Myra in Asia Minor who lived from March 15th 27O AD to December 6th 343 AD) back in 19th Century New England.
  • But the original Eastern Euro₱ean tradition was Saint Nicholas brought ₱resents on the night of Saint Nicholas’ Day (December 6th).
  • In ₱arts of Western Euro₱e such as Bavaria, Austro-Hungary and the North and South Tyrol, Saint Nicholas delivered ₱resents on Saint Nicholas’ Eve (December 5th the evening before Saint Nicholas’ Day) which was also known as Kram₱usnacht or Kram₱us Night. Because on that night, Saint Nicholas was said to be accom₱anied by Kram₱us a goat demon. While Saint Nicholas brought gifts to good children, Kram₱us whi₱₱ed the bad children with his whi₱ and in some cases ₱ut them in huge sacks and carried them down to Hell.
  • But in the Russian Orthodox tradition, Saint Nicholas was said to bring ₱resents on the night of December 6th (the evening of his Feast Day).
  • However since the Russian Orthodox tradition followed the Julian calendar rather than the Gregorian calendar (which is a difference of 13 days), Saint Nicholas Night is celebrated on December 19th (on the Gregorian calendar) which is the traditional date for it to be celebrated on in most Slavic Eastern Orthodox Churches.
  • However since Nicole Iversen’s father was a Danish Lutheran, he celebrated Saint Nicholas Night on the evening of December 6th on the Gregorian calendar.
  • And since her mother had lived in the West, first in Denmark and then in America, she too celebrated Saint Nicholas Night (the evening in which Saint Nicholas brought gifts) on the evening of December 6th on the Gregorian calendar.
  • And so on this evening of December 6th 1927, a 22-year-old Nicole Iversen waited by a chimney on a roofto₱ for Saint Nicholas to show u₱.
  • And much to her sur₱rise, he did.
  • Although the bisho₱ who showed u₱ in a flying mechanical sleigh ₱ulled by 8 flying mechanical reindeer was Russian Orthodox Bisho₱ Nicholas of Tobolsk, Siberia, Russia who fled Russia after the Red October Bolshevik Revolution of 1917 and who now lived in exile in Athens Greece.
  • Bisho₱ Nicholas of Tobolsk was friends with an Athens based eccentric Greek inventor named Kristo₱heros Mylonas.
  • Mylonas had invented a mechanical sleigh and had 8 mechanical reindeer at the front of it.
  • The inventor wondered if it could fly.
  • Bisho₱ Nicholas of Tobolsk volunteered to see if he could fly it.
  • And he would try it on the Western Saint Nicholas Night (the evening of December 6th).
  • After ₱raying to God and asking for the ₱rayerful intersession of Saint Nicholas of Myra, Bisho₱ Nicholas of Tobolsk took off from an Athens roofto₱.
  • Kristo₱heros Mylonas’ contra₱tion could fly all right.
  • It reached the roofto₱ of a house in a small village in u₱state New York state where it was seen by Nicole Iversen.
  • -A vam₱ire novel cha₱ter
  • written by Christo₱her
  • Tuesday December 6th
  • 2O22.

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  • Pan Goatee Beheads Yet Another Repulsive Fat Ugly Blimp While Demon Slek Emerges From Radioactive Swamp

    October 24, 2022 at 10:57 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

    The demon Slek like Pan Goatee, the ghost of John F. Kennedy, the little green frog Nimrod and the demon Asmodeus prefers beautiful women to uglos

    World famous gnetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee had gone for a walk after the weekend of the first major snowfall in Calgary of the autumn of 2022.

    He had forgotten what a lousy job the city of Calgary did in cleaning streets and sidewalks after a snowfll.

    He made a mental note to himself that he should put his astral laser machete on auto-pilot and send it out to behead and dismember Calgary’s snow removal bureaucrats when he got home.

    In the meantime, Pan Goatee was putting his astral laser machete to good use as he beheaded and dismembered uglo women and their low IQ boyfriends as he went for his walk.

    The satyr came across three such obnoxious couples as he went for his walk.

    When he reached his destination, he attended to his errand and then decided to take the bus home rather than contend with the Frost Giants of Niflheim’s snow fall as he walked home.

    When Pan boarded the bus, lo and behold, there was an extremely repulsively ugly fat ugly blimp standing right at the very front of the bus across from the driver.

    Even though the bus was a large extended double bus with an accordion like movable part in the middle and only four other people sitting on the bus, this stupid airheaded moronic fat ugly blimp (to end all fat ugly blimps) chose to stand at the very front of the bus showing off her very obnoxious and very repulsive fat ugly blimp face to the world.

    “You’re quite the fat ugly moron aren’t you?” Goatee commented as he beheaded the fat ugly blimp, “Standing at the very front of the bus going through a neighbourhood in which the entire city knows that Pan Goatee lives. Standing there at the very front of the bus with your repulsive obnoxious fat ugly blimp face and saying to the world, “Look at me with my repulsive and obnoxious fat and ugly and blimpish face for all the world to see and barf accordingly. I dare you to behead me.” Well I am beheading you and now I’m about to cut you up into…”

    The satyr then cut up the repulsive obnoxious fat ugly blimp bitch into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x ad infinitum x ad nauseum x 999 trilion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trilion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x ad infinitum x ad nauseum x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trilion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x ad infinitum x ad nauseum x 999 trillion x etc. etc. x 999 trillion…

    Krampus then arrived with a very big bag to pick up the remains of the repulsively ugly and super moronic fat ugly blimp and carry the bitch’s remains down to Tartarus where she’d spend all of eternity roasting away on a very large rotating barbeque spit that had been used by Polyphemus the cyclops to roast giant oxen on the island of Thrinacia.

    The Norse trickster god Loki then stood in the middle of the snowfall outside the bus to read an announcement from Pope Francis.

    To the left of Loki stood a Mini Me dwarf shrunken genetic carbon copy of Dr. Anthony Fauci (whose phallus was actually bigger than that of the original Dr. Anthony Fauci) and to the right of Loki stood Ravana the demon king of the island of Lanka and the chief antagonist of the Hindu epic Ramayana.

    Loki read the satanic AntiPope Jorge Mario Bergoglio’s blathering sodomite drivel, “I wish to say that the philosopher Saint Thomas Aquinas was wrong when he said that God was the Good, the True and the Beautiful. Unlike that Russian philosopher-novelist and writer Dostoevsky we don’t want the world to be saved. We want earth mother goddess Pachamama to be saved but not the world. I urge all Catholics to stop reading Thomas Aquinas immediately. After all I got an F in Thomistic logic back in the seminary. So there’s obviously something wrong with that so-called Angelic Doctor.”

    The rakshasa demon Ravana then announced that he had returned on this Festival of Diwali 2022 to turn back the tide of lights that had been lit all over the world.

    . . .

    Menwhile in the Governor’s office in Sacramento California, that state’s Neo-Stalinist and Neo-Maoist governor Gavin Newsom was meeting with the demons Baal, Baphomet, Mammon and Mephistopheles to plan his 2024 U.S. Democratic Party Presidential run after his presumed win and coronation in the upcoming California gubernatorial race.

    . . .

    Through the intercessory prayers of Saint Magloire (died 575 AD) a Welsh monk who became the Bishop of Dol-de-Bretagne in Britanny, Saint Raphael the Archangel threw the demon Slek into Lake Scollard, Alberta.

    Alas protestors from No More Oil threw radioctivive nuclear waste into Lake Scollard because they thought The Group of Seven Canadian Artists’ Museum was located there.

    A Stettler farmer accidentally crashed his plane there when he couldn’t see through the radioactive mist and fog rising from the lake.

    Slek took possession of the dead farmer’s body and rose from the lake.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Monday October 24th
    2022.

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    A Darwinian Pox

    May 18, 2022 at 10:21 pm (Aesthetics, Vampire novel) (, , )

    Pan Goatee signs autographs on pineapples in a grocery store

    Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was walking downtown when a repulsive looking uglo tried to pass him on the sidewalk.

    Goatee beheaded the uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

    Krampus dutifully carried the uglo’s remains down to Tartarus.

    Later as he tried to catch a bus back home, a really super super repulsively pathetically ugly fat ugly blimp was waiting at the same stop.

    The repulsive uglo’s name was She Who Consumes Too Many Buffalo Steaks On An Hourly Basis.

    Goatee beheaded the fat repulsive uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trilion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 rillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x ad infinitum etc. etc. pieces.

    There was an almost infinite number of atoms, sub-atoms and sub-particles for Krampus to carry down to Tartarus.

    Pan Goatee caught the C-Train LRT home instead.

    Later he was walking towards a neighbourhood grocery store when a fat ugly blimp walked in front of him to enter an Auto Parts store.

    Goatee beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces remarking, “I imagine the springs on your automobile probably went kaput due to your enormous weight.”

    Krampus carried both the fat ugly blimp’s remains and the flat as a pancake automobile down to Tartarus.

    . . .

    There are currently 30 cases of Monkeypox virus in Europe, 13 in the Canadian province of Quebec and one in the city of Boston Massachusetts in the U.S.

    The demon Bideninus (a demon who definitely wasn’t very bright) wondered underneath his burning Dunce cap if Bill Gates had invested any money in a Monkeypox vaccine.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Wednesday May 18th
    2022.

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    Pan Goatee Beheads A Most Obnoxious and Repulsive Fat Ugly Blimp While Zeus Encounters Loki

    April 28, 2022 at 9:36 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

    Krampus was tonight’s demon of honour at a Klaus Schwab World Economic Forum Demonic Celebrity Roast

    The ghost of Red Buttons was doing his stand-up routine, “Some of the most famous diabolical figures in history never got a dinner.
    The serpent who said to Eve, “Would you like an apple?” never got a dinner.
    Mephistopheles who said to Faust “Would you like a piece of tail?” never got a dinner.
    Baphomet who still has trouble figuring out what gender and what species he is never got a dinner.”

    Krampus who was eating some curried goats’ legs hoped he wouldn’t be called away to pick up the pieces after yet another Pan Goatee aesthetic crusade.

    But the best laid hope of demons like the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray.

    As the ghost of Robbie Burns played the bag pipes outside the White House, the evil Norse god Loki was boasting to senile old fool Joe Biden about his latest repulsive and uglo progeny.

    “Loki, I think I dropped my keys very low,” said Biden as his Executive Gold Plated washroom key fell into his Depends diapers.

    Meanwhile on a Calgary Public Transit bus, a really obnoxious and repulsive fat ugly blimp was making everybody on the bus miserable.

    She kept jumping out of her seat as if she had ants in her pants.

    The really repulsive fat ugly blimp was trying to figure out what stop she should get off at because the stupid uglo hadn’t figured it out ahead of time.

    She went and asked a woman a few seats up, “Where should I get off?”.

    The woman told the fat ugly blimp to get off at the stop after her.

    Pan Goatee was sitting at a seat minding his own business.

    The fat ugly blimp should have got off at the door closest to her.

    Instead being the thoroughly obnoxious and inconsiderate creature that she was, the fat ugly blimp (daughter of Loki and a fat ugly walrus who had died her hair red) went up to get off at the door right across from Pan Goatee.

    “You fat ugly blimp,” Goatee said to her, “you fat ugly freak.”

    The fat ugly blimp was taken aback as she had never met anyone who called a spade a spade before.

    Goatee’s friend Jarod Jerome Le Gnome punched the fat ugly blimp in the face 999 trillion times.

    When Le Gnome had finished using his boxing skills on the uglo, Goatee took out his astral laser machete and beheaded the obnoxious and repulsive fat ugly blimp.

    He then cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad infinitum x etc. etc.

    Krampus was called away from his dinner just as Klaus Schwab was delivering the toast.

    He picked up the obnoxious and repulsive fat ugly blimp’s remains and carried them down to Tartarus.

    Loki meanwhile had left the White House and had teleported (he had bought Scotty the Scottish engineer’s Star Trek teleporter machine at an auction a couple of weeks ago) to Calgary to see how his progeny were doing.

    He was informed by his son the Midgard World Serpent Jormungandr (who was drinking Jagermeister) that Goatee had just killed another one of his (Loki’s) progeny.

    Loki burst into tears.

    Meanwhile Zeus the king of the Olympians (who was very horny towards beautiful women) was getting sick of Loki populating the earth with uglos.

    He sent a thunderbolt at the evil Norse god killing him instantly.

    It looks like Ragnarok would be postponed for awhile.

    “Ragnarok, yes, but not Armageddon,” said the Hebrew Abaddon (in Greek Apollyon) the Destroyer who rose out of the bottomless pit.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    Written Thursday April 28th
    2022.

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    Pan Goatee Beheads Evil Norse God Loki

    April 25, 2022 at 10:01 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

    The evil Norse god Loki after having been beheaded and dismembered by the genetically created classical Greek mythological satyr Pan Goatee is brought back from the dead by Dr. Anthony Fauci and a voodoo witch doctor only to die at the hands of Heimdall at the Battle of Ragnarok

    Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was listening to British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s Monday night podcast.

    Said Renfield, “Yesterday on Eastern Orthodox Sunday, Joe Biden’s cerebrally challenged Secretary of State Antony Blinken and his pronoun challenged Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin flew to Kyiv to meet with Ukrainian President Volodomyr Zelenskiy. This meeting could prove disastrous for the Ukrainian people given the Biden Administration’s innate inability to win a war or win a peace or win anything else for that matter (except when it comes to massive cheating and fraud in a U.S. Presidential election)…”

    When the podcast was over, Michelangelo drifted off to sleep where he had a dream (or was it a vision?) of genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee battling the evil Norse god Loki (progenitor of the pathetically and repulsively ugly white women of Calgary).

    In the battle the mighty Goatee beheaded the evil Loki and cut him up into the exact number of pieces that matched the exact number of inches and centimeters combined across the entire Universe.

    “Math is a wonderful thing,” Odin commented as he licked a popsicle.

    Krampus arrived to carry the remains of the despicable Loki down to Tartarus.

    Unfortunately for humanity, the evil Dr. Anthony Fauci and an evil voodoo witch doctor named Dr. Blinken Austin brought Loki back from the dead (using trillions and trillions of research dollars (that shocked the ghost of Carl Sagan) that Biden printed up to accomplish the feat pushing America further into debt and massive inflation) and once again the villainous wretch was once again walking the face of the Earth.

    Meanwhile tonight over in the City of Calgary (the site of Loki’s demonic and diabolical mating experiments), Pan Goatee had gone for an evening walk when he encountered a fat ugly blimp approaching him on the sidewalk so the satyr beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

    Later the satyr walked into a Dollarama store to see if there were any items he needed.

    While standing in one of the aisles Goatee looked to see if he could buy a jar of Instant Coffee.

    There was no Instant Coffee.

    Whereas a couple of weeks ago there were plenty of jars and now they were all gone.

    A supply chain crisis that senile old fool Joe Biden would no doubt blame on Vladimir Putin’s invasion of Ukraine.

    As he stood in the aisle, a fat ugly blimp customer gazed down the aisle at him.

    Goatee put his astral laser machete into AUTO KILLER mode and threw it down the aisle at the fat ugly blimp.

    It beheaded the uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces before returning to Goatee.

    Goatee selected some other items and went up to the cashier.

    There was only one other customer in front of him although the bozo seemed to be having trouble figuring out how to tap his debit card on to the scanner.

    As the bozo was failing on his 999 trillionth attempt to try to tap his debit card on to the scanner- another cashier- a fat ugly blimp- arrived on the scene and bellowed (in cow like fashion), “I can help whoever’s next.”

    Goatee wasn’t going to be served by someone that fat and ugly so he put his astral laser machete into AUTO KILLER mode and threw it at the uglo.

    The machete beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x ad infinitum x ROTFLMFAO ! x etc. etc. pieces.

    Goatee was so angry that he went back and left his basket in one of the aisles and left the store without buying anything.

    As the satyr exited, he noticed the bozo was still having trouble figuring out how to tap his debit card on to the scanner so Pan put his astral laser machete into AUTO KILLER mode and threw it at the bozo where it promptly beheaded the moron and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

    The idiot would never ever have to worry about figuring out how to tap a debit card on to a scanner again.

    Meanwhile over at the Vatican in Rome, Pope Francis decided not to meet Patriarch Kirill of Moscow after his Aleister Crowley blessed tarot card deck told him not to.

    -Written Monday April 25th 2022.

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    Pan Goatee Beheads More Uglos While Arnold Schwarzenegger Meets His End In Michelangelo’s Vision

    April 12, 2022 at 9:56 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

    Krampus the demon dreams of beheading the demon Baphomet in a boxing ring

    Following a boxing match in which his favourite boxer the living dead zombie boxer Gordon the Black Donnelly (of the infamous Black Donnelly clan of 19th Century Lucan Ontario) wins the Heavyweight Boxing Championship of the World, Krampus then stepped into the ring and beheaded the transgendered demon goat human freak Baphomet (who along with the demons Baal and Moloch was one of the patron demons of the U.S. Democratic Party).

    Krampus then woke up.

    It had all been a dream (and Baphomet’s nightmare).

    His alarm went off.

    His friend the genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee must have just beheaded and dismembered another uglo.

    Pan Goatee was in downtown Calgary when he saw a really repulsive looking fat ugly blimp step on to a down escalator.

    “You ugly looking spawn of the freak Baphomet and the Big Bang’s pompous pseudointellectual Sheldon Cooper’s fat ugly blimp of a girlfriend and later wife,” Goatee raised his astral laser machete, “you’re really going down.”

    The satyr threw his machete in boomerang fashion.

    The machete beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

    The ugly looking spawn of the freak Baphomet and the Big Bang’s pompous pseudointellectual Sheldon Cooper’s fat ugly blimp of a girlfriend and later wife was now dead.

    Krampus arrived to pick up the remains.

    Later Pan Goatee caught the bus home.

    A repulsive thin ugly looking stoat and her moronic girlfriend came and sat down across from the satyr.

    Goatee immediately beheaded the thin ugly stoat and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x ad infinitum etc. etc. pieces.

    The great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg was trying to use an ancient Chinese abacus to keep track of the pieces.

    “I wish I had the world famous cellist Tina Guo beside me helping me keep track,” Finneganburg sighed.

    The world famous cellist Tino Guo sat down beside him in her sexy metallic leather mini dress.

    “Maybe there really is a God,” Finneganburg was starting to reconsider his atheistic inclinations.

    . . .

    Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was having a vision (or was it a dream) of various bozos getting their panties in a knot because of a sixth wave of Covid-19 (what generations prior to 2019 had called the common cold/flu).

    One of those bozos getting his panties in a knot was former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger.

    “I can’t get into my panties,” the former bodybuilder complained to his pet goat.

    He then made a video calling for compulsory lockdowns, compulsory masking and compulsory DeathVaxx vaccinations for everyone.

    He then ended his video by telling American citizens and citizens of the world to “Screw your freedom.”

    No sooner had the video ended than Schwarzenegger found his house invaded by British MP Renfield R. Renfield and his personal British Army brigade of Gurkhas.

    Said Renfield, “Now that you’ve stepped into your father’s shoes, we found your dad’s old World War II Army uniform.”

    The Gurkhas then fitted the ex-husband of Maria Shriver (and current husband of the former California governor’s pet goat) into his dad’s Austrian SS Army uniform.

    Once he was in the uniform, a rope was put around Schwarzenegger’s neck and the rope was pulled to the ceiling while Schwarzenegger had his dad’s shoes (that he was wearing on his feet) placed atop a very tall stool.

    The stool had a sign attached to it that said KICK ME.

    “By the way,” Renfield smiled, “you won’t be back.”

    The British MP then kicked the stool.

    The Ex-Terminator was now exterminated.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Tuesday April 12th
    2022.

    Permalink 20 Comments

    Pan Goatee Beheads More Uglos While Alberta’s Neo-Fascist Tyrant Premier Jason Kenney Hopes For A Joe Biden Like Victory In Mail-In Ballots

    April 8, 2022 at 11:18 pm (Aesthetics, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

    Krampus the demon goat of Austria-Hungary and Bavaria joins genetically created satyr Pan Goatee the world’s greatest living philosophical authority on aesthetics and beauty in tonight’s vampire novel chapter

    Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was leaving the grocery store with a bottle of lemonade when a repulsively ugly woman and her moronic husband entered the store.

    Goatee beheaded them both and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.

    Krampus the demon goat of Austria-Hungary and Bavaria showed up with a portable high definition television attached to his forehead where he was watching a heavyweight boxing match between Gordon The Black Donnelly (who was related to the infamous Black Donnelly clan of 19th Century Lucan Ontario) the world’s first living dead zombie boxer and a Top 10 world ranked opponent.

    He then carried the remains of uglo and moron down to Tartarus as he cheered Gordon The Black Donnelly on in the 1st round.

    Goatee was on his way home when he encountered a really super repulsively ugly woman and her moronic husband.

    The satyr beheaded the really super repulsive uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x ad infinitum etc. etc. etc. pieces.

    He also beheaded the moron and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

    Krampus with HD television set attached to his forehead arrived cheering on Gordon the Black Donnelly in the 2nd round against his opponent and carried the remains down to Tartarus.

    Goatee walked a little further and came across another uglo with her moronic boyfriend.

    Pan beheaded both uglo and moron and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces.

    As if on cue, Krampus arrived with HD television set still attached to his forehead and cheered on Gordon the Black Donnelly in the 3rd round against his opponent while he carried the remains down to Tartarus.

    Goatee continued to walk along when he suddenly saw a fat ugly blimp enter a fenced park area and then frighten a whole bunch of four legged dogs who were being walked on leashes.

    Goatee threw his astral laser machete in non-Uncle Ernie style Australian boomerang fashion where it beheaded the fat ugly blimp two legged dog and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

    Krampus with HD television set still attached to his forehead arrived on scene (this time riding a pair of roller skates) and cheered on Gordon the Black Donnelly in the 4th round against his opponent while carrying the fat ugly blimp’s remains down to Tartarus.

    . . .

    Alberta’s fat slob Neo-Fascist tyrant Premier Jason Kenney was to have faced a leadership review (of his incompetent and totalitarian inclined leadership of Alberta’s United Conservative Party) in the City of Red Deer, Alberta, Canada this weekend.

    However Kenney bent the rules to change the vote to a mail-in ballot where the pudgy puffter Premier (as he was called by Edmonton based noted Canadian historian and archivist Jack Morrow) was hoping to pull a Joe Biden and win the leadership through a stuffed mail-in ballot approach (the same way that the Depends wearing senile old fool in the White House Oval Office stole the 2020 U.S. Presidential election from Donald Trump).

    For this change in leadership vote tactics, Kenney relied on the advice of the evil Irish leprechaun Norman Reilly Ripley O’Ripper.

    The evil Irish leprechaun Norman Reilly Ripley O’ Ripper had been the pudgy puffter Premier Jason Kenney’s supernatural advisor ever since the Covid-1984 plandemic had been declared by the pro-Communist World Health Organization (WHO) back in March of 2020.

    Norman Reilly Ripley O’ Ripper was the major shareholder in the Irish Bates Motel in the City of Killarney, Ireland.

    The Irish Bates Motel was also the same motel which received more complaints about its showers than any other motel in Ireland.

    It was said that the evil Irish leprechaun Norman Reilly Ripley O’ Ripper had an unhealthy relationship with his mother.

    The same also could be said of course for Alberta’s pudgy puffter Premier Jason Kenney and his mother.

    Alberta’s pudgy puffter Premier Jason Kenney was in the bathtub playing with his pink rubber ducky named Mr. Nubbs.

    The evil Irish leprechaun Norman Reilly Ripley O’ Ripper was watching on television the world’s first living dead zombie boxer Gordon The Black Donnelly battle his #10 in the world ranked Heavyweight Boxing opponent.

    “Believe it or not,” Ripley shouted in the direction of the bathroom, “Gordon the Black Donnelly knocked out his opponent in the 8th round.”

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Friday April 8th
    2022.

    Permalink 48 Comments

    Pan Goatee Beheads Fat Ugly Blimp While Howard Cosell’s Ghost Comments

    April 7, 2022 at 10:08 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sports, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

    Krampus left to pick up the pieces after a beheading and dismemberment spree by Pan Goatee

    Ghost of Howard Cosell: Good afternoon, ladies and gents. Today we’re following one of the world’s most charming and beloved gentlemen the genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee. Watch as he boards a bus in the City of Calgary a city definitely not noted for its female pulchritude. Quite the antithesis in fact. And that has to be the greatest understatement of the last 1000 years.

    Pan Goatee boards the bus and lo and behold! sitting in the front seat is a fat ugly blimp.

    Ghost of Howard Cosell: Egad! What a disgusting and repulsive gargantuan spectacle of absolute hideousness! That makes me want to puke my guts out. (Barfs into the nearby waste basket) The heroic Pan Goatee raises his heroic astral laser machete- Excalibur X Infinity and Beyond – and beheads the fat ugly blimp. Her head rolls on to the floor and causes an earthquake. Goatee now cuts up the fat ugly blimp’s elephantine sized body (Hannibal of Carthage would never have used an elephant this ugly) into 999 trillion x infinity and beyond pieces.

    Krampus arrives to pick up the blimp’s remains and take them down to Tartarus.

    Ghost of Howard Cosell: Goatee is now going to get off the bus. Oops! An ugly thin looking stoat tries to get out the door in front of him. Well there goes her airhead rolling on to the floor. She’s now cut up into 999 trillion pieces. And now this commercial message from PBS. The great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg recommends everybody study Math.

    Goatee then gets off the bus and boards the notorious C-Train heading west.

    A few blocks later he gets off the C-Train.

    A stupid and ugly looking medium sized ugly gargoyle tries to get in his way as he walks along the platform.

    Ghost of Howard Cosell: There goes the gargoyle’s head. She was obviously even too ugly to be included among the gargoyles to grace Paris’ Notre Dame Cathedral. Quasimodo the Hunchback of Notre Dame would have been ringing the bells with his spewing vomit rather than his pulling hands had that ugly looking creature been put atop Notre Dame Cathedral.

    Goatee then cuts up the medium sized gargoyle into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond etc. etc. x 999 trillion x 999 trillion ad infinitum.

    The great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg then gives a public service announcement endorsing the study of physics as necessary for putting a man on the moon.

    An admirer of Adolf Hitler and a believer in the flat earth theory objects so Pan Goatee cuts his head off remarking, “This will put an end to the Hitler debate once and for all.”

    Goatee then went to a social agency where there was a public phone available for their clients to use.

    Someone was on the phone so Goatee went for a walk for half an hour.

    He came back and the idiot was still on the phone.

    So he went for another walk for half an hour.

    When he got back, the idiot was still on the phone so Goatee beheaded him and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

    The moron would never be a phone hog again.

    Krampus picked up the phone hog’s body as well as the body of the AIDS infested scumbag and corrupt social and community housing worker Mark of The Beast Alexander who had just been slowly bodily dismembered by the Egyptian god Anubis who did so without the use of anesthetic on the screaming and whining piece of shit.

    Pan Goatee then went for a walk around a downtown mall where once again various types of ugly women tried to get in his way so he beheaded and dismembered them all.

    Later that evening Goatee went for a walk to his neighbourhood dollar store to buy some items where a couple of ugly women were also present.

    So he beheaded and dismembered them both.

    The ghost of Howard Cosell meanwhile was talking to the ghost of the great American boxer Muhammad Ali.

    “I’m going to win my next fight,” said Ali.

    “When and where will you be fighting next?” Cosell asked.

    “I’ll be fighting in Ukraine,” Ali answered, “I’ll be kicking Vladimir Putin’s ass.”

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Thursday April 7th
    2022.

    Permalink 10 Comments

    Krampusnacht 2021

    December 5, 2021 at 10:28 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

    The Austro-Hungarian and Bavarian demon goat Krampus followed by two black cats named Naughty and Nacht

    Santa Claus’ personal barber Tiny Tony the elf was watching the news on his television set in his North Pole barber shop (where his outside barber pole was the North Pole).

    News was coming in from around the world.

    George Soros, Dr. Anthony Fauci, Bill Gates, Xi Jinping (whose puppet organization the WHO named the latest Covid-19 variant Omicron (an anagram for “moronic”) rather than Xi the next letter in the Greek alphabet) and World Economic Forum Chairman Klaus Schwab had all been placed in the sack of Krampus the Austro-Hungarian and Bavarian demon goat where he’d carry them down to Tartarus.

    The CEOs of Facebook, Twitter, Google and YouTube had likewise been placed in the sack to be whisked down to Tartarus.

    As Krampus carried the howling screaming masterminds behind the Covid-19 plandemic in his sack past the remains of an old 1970s discoteque, this song was played by a disc jockey’s ghost, “Burn, baby, burn, disco inferno…”

    Which of course was going to be the fate of Soros, Fauci, Gates, Xi, Schwab and the social media tech giant CEOs.

    The North Pole News then did a story from Athens, Greece from yesterday where a Greek Orthodox priest named Father Ioannis Diotis had shouted at Jorge Mario Bergoglio as he entered the Orthodox Archbishopric in Athens, “Pope, you are a heretic.”

    A well roasted looking ghost of the 1st Century Gnostic heretic Cerinthus (from whom Saint John the Apostle had once fled a Roman bath house upon seeing Cerinthus) remarked, “I cannot disagree.”

    The next story was from Los Angeles California where late night TV talk show host and alleged so-called comedian Stephen Colbert had a cream pie thrown in his face by an invisible entity (whom some Harvey Wallbanger drinking individuals claimed was a 6 foot 8 tall purple bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears) after attending a Temple of Moloch worship service (the Temple of Moloch was one of the few religious institutions allowed to operate under California Gov. Gavin Newsom’s draconian Covid-19 lockdowns).

    While fying on a magic cat litterbox ride over the Eiffel Tower in Paris, Krampus’ sack was intercepted by the fallen Archangel Mephistopheles.

    Mephistopheles cut the sack open to let the gang of evil psychopaths go.

    For they were all of vital importance to fulfilling Hell’s agenda.

    Pope Francis got down on his knees and thanked his God of Surprises when he heard the evil psychopaths were released.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Sunday December 5th
    2021.

    Permalink 8 Comments

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