Canada’s Throne Speech and Krampus Carries Off Vienna’s Cardinal Schonborn

December 5, 2019 at 11:57 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Canada’s Throne Speech and Krampus Carries Off Vienna’s Cardinal Schonborn

“So,” Amadeus asked his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield, “Did you hear that after Justin Trudeau had finished making fun of Donald Trump at the Buckingham Palace reception the other night, he grabbed a box of opium laced catnip, came out to the Set Estate, gave the opium laced catnip to the Boss’ guard and watch cat Nefertiti Galore to send her off to La-La-Land and then proceeded to engage in mystical communion with the pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever?”.

“I heard that,” Renfield acknowledged after he watched the garbage men sanitation engineers getting high after emptying the garbage cans containing Nefertiti Galore’s cat litter.

“I assume that Justin then probably met his alien friend Gali-Gula the ET gray from Planet Nibiru who’s possessed by the spirit of the ancient Roman Emperor Caligula?” Amadeus ate his toast.

“Harvey Tallbanger tells me that he did,” Renfield nodded, “Gali-Gula helped Trudeau write the Canadian Governor-General’s Speech From The Throne which was read today at the opening of the new session of the Canadian Parliament in Ottawa.”

Amadeus read from the Canadian throne speech on his laptop the following words, “We all share the same space/time continuum on the same planetary spaceship.”

“I think Justin was not the only one inhaling Strawberry Fields Forever’s exhaled pot smoke,” Renfield remarked, “Gali-Gula must have imbibed a great deal as well to pen that whopper of a line.”

“Moving on to another subject,” Amadeus read to Renfield the following news item, “It was announced this past December 3rd that Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen who was 20th Century America’s greatest Roman Catholic evangelist and preacher has had his beatification ceremony postponed. He was supposed to be beatified this coming December 21st but the ceremony has been postponed. Apparently the first time in Church history that a beatification ceremony has been postponed. What’s up with that?”.

“Apparently certain members of the USeless Conference of Catholic Bishops objected to Sheen being beatified,” Renfield replied.

“Why would they object to Sheen being beatified?” Amadeus inquired.

“Because Sheen was a staunch anti-Communist and what’s more he was truly intellectual and scholarly in his anti-Communism unlike most members of the John Birch Society. Therefore true Communists detested Sheen even more than they did the John Birch Society whom they just regarded as a bunch of “proletarian deplorables”. An elitist attitude still shared by 21st Century female Marxist candidates for President.”

“You’re saying certain members of the USeless Conference of Catholic Bishops are Communists?” Amadeus was shocked.

“Yes, either Communist or predatory homosexual (who sexually assault altar boys and young seminarians) or both,” Renfield nodded, “Sheen did not get along well with the predatory homosexual Archbishop of New York City Francis Cardinal Spellman. Hence Spellman’s modern day disciples among the USeless Conference of Catholic Bishops can’t stand Sheen either.”

“Wow,” Amadeus shook his head.

“Elizabeth Scalia an airheaded associate of the ludicrous Bishop Robert Barron who thinks Hitler, Stalin, Mao and Pol Pot are in Heaven since there’s nobody in Hell according to his Dare We Hope That All Are Saved? Theology (both Jesus of Nazareth and Raymond Red Reddington of The Blacklist could easily tell him “No.”) tried to say that Sheen himself was gay by calling him a “flouncy” in one of her Twitter tweets. She obviously never saw the episode of What’s My Line? where Archbishop Sheen as a guest easily charmed the women panelists. Most women can easily tell whether a man is gay or not unless of course they’re as stupid as Elizabeth Scalia.”

“Who’s leading the USeless Conference of Catholic Bishops’ charge against Bishop Sheen’s beatification?” Amadeus inquired.

“The spirit of Antichrist filled Archbishop of New York City Timothy Cardinal Dolan and the spirit of Antichrist filled Archbishop of Chicago Blaise Cardinal Cupich,” Renfield answered, “The usual suspects.”

. . .

Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was walking the streets of Vienna the Austrian capital.

He stood in front of Saint Stephen’s Cathedral in Vienna where recently a Baphomet worshipping music and dance concert was held there with the permission of Christoph Cardinal Schonborn the Archbishop of Vienna.

As Whitstable stood there, he suddenly noticed Cardinal Schonborn himself walking down the street.

Suddenly Krampus the infamous half-goat half demon who used to follow around the saintly bishop Saint Nicholas came down the street.

Krampus was carrying his bag full of naughty individuals he was taking to Hell on this Krampusnacht (the evening of December 5th- the night before the Feast Day of Saint Nicholas which was December 6th).

Krampus picked up Cardinal Schonborn with his hairy arms and threw him into his bag.

He then went down a sewer no doubt on his way to Hell.

Whitstable bought himself a candy cane from a street corner Santa Claus.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday December 5th
2019.


The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec singing at a concert hall in Vienna while outside in the streets, Krampus is carrying Vienna’s screaming Archbishop Cardinal Schonborn in a bag on his way to Hell.

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Krampus Takes A Paris Detour On Krampusnacht

December 5, 2018 at 11:58 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Poetry, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

It was the night of Krampusnacht
and all through the house
in Austria and Bavaria
and places thereabout
The Austro-Bavarian demon/goat hybrid Krampus roamed
the son of the Norse goddess Hel and Bucca Dhu
Hel who was Loki’s daughter and the goddess ruler
of the Norse underworld in Niflheim

Bucca Dhu who was the Black Goat horned god of the winter months
in Cornish witchcraft

Hel came down from her frostbitten parts north of Thule, Hyperborea and Scandinavia
And Bucca Dhu traveled east from the Cornish coast across the wild Cornish moors and east across England and then across the channel
And northeastwards towards the Alps of Bavaria and Austria
They met
And they spent 40 days and 40 nights making out in various locales
Austria, Bavaria, Croatia, the Czech Republic, Hungary, the South Tyrol region and the province of Trento in northern Italy, Slovakia and Slovenia
The product of their union was Krampus whose name is derived from the German word krampen meaning claw

Krampus is the demonic anti-Santa
The entity who punishes bad children on Krampusnacht (the evening of December 5th) in the regions of Central Europe named above
Just as Saint Nicholas rewards good children on Saint Nicholas’ Night
(December 6th)
Tonight however the cosmic powers that be
Determined that Krampus must take a detour
and drag screaming down to Hell
The cougar chasing, mascara and make-up wearing, metrosexual elitist snob President of France Emmanuel Macron
For the gods and goddesses of all the ancient religions loved Paris
And thanks to Macron’s stupidity, Paris was burning
And so Macron must be punished
And the instrument of punishment: Krampus

So Krampus pushed Macron into his black sack of coal
and took him to Hell
The underworld realm of Hades
Where he was ferried across the River Styx by Charon
And then bitten in the ass by the 3-headed dog Cerberus
Kicked in the balls by Persephone the Queen of the Underworld
And barfed on by Napoleon the 1st Emperor of the French

He was then escorted to Tartarus by Krampus
While there he passed one of the waiting rooms to Tartarus
What looked to be an old schoolroom from the 1920s
Where the immortal dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes
the immortal twin sister of the great detective Sherlock Holmes
had been hired by Hades for a week to give spankings to naughty boys
prior to their entering Tartarus

She had been hired temporarily to replace the 3 Furies (Erinyes)
who had all come down with a bad case of the flu

“Yes, yes!” Cried Macron as his mascara started running
due to the heat of the nearby flames,
“I need to be spanked by Sherrielock!”

Krampus smiled sadistically and replied
in a voice more sinister than that of the Soup Nazi on Seinfeld,
“No Sherrielock for you!”.

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
on Krampusnacht
Wednesday December 5th
2018.


The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec hoping to convince Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to join her in surpassing the Guinness Book of World Records world record for the most consecutive days and nights of continuously making out which is currently held by the Norse goddess Hel and the Cornish Black Goat horned god Bucca Dhu.

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Krampusnacht 2017

December 5, 2017 at 8:55 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Krampusnacht 2017

The half-goat half-demon creature of the Christmas season Krampus (who might be thought of as the Anti-Saint Nicholas) was busy gathering up Canadian advertisers and putting them in coal sacks to carry them off to Hell as the commercials and TV ads shown on Canadian television this year of 2017 were the most depraved in history.

The advertisers vigorously objected to their fate but Krampus ignored their pleas and put them in his sack anyways.

Canada’s pot smoking and pot legalizing Prime Minister Justin Trudeau only escaped being put in a bag and being carried off to Hell by putting a lamp shade over his head and holding a sign in front of him that said I Don’t Pose For Selfies.

. . .

Russian President Vladimir Putin was pissed at the fact that the International Olympic Committee had banned his country from participating at next year’s Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang South Korea.

“You should really do something about it,” said the demon Moloch who was appearing to Putin in the apparitional form of the Archangel Michael.

“What should I do?” Putin ripped up a subpoena from U.S. Special Counsel Robert Mueller.

“Who don’t you invade Israel?” Moloch as Michael suggested.

“Why should I invade Israel?” Putin said while glancing at a Happy Hanukkah greeting card someone had sent him.

“Why not?” Moloch as Michael shrugged.

“I need a better reason than that,” Putin said as he ate a cracker with Black Sea caviar on it.

“Your influence in the Middle East will soar out of this world,” Moloch smiled, “particularly in lieu of what looks like Donald Trump’s impending announcement that he’s going to recognize Jerusalem as Israel’s eternal undivided capital.”

“You might have a point there,” Putin rubbed his chin in contemplative 🤔 fashion.

. . .

Renfield R. Renfield MP was having a caucus meeting with his fellow Transhumanist MP Morgana Fay Lee (the Welsh Vampiress Morgana) the MP for Newbridge in Wales.

They were discussing the possibility of war in the Middle East in lieu of Trump’s announcement on the status of Jerusalem.

“I suppose one good thing that might come out of it is Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan might sever relations with the U.S. if Trump goes ahead,” Renfield stated, “which means that the would be Ottoman Sultan would be kicked out of NATO.”

A scream could be heard coming from the next room as a British Conservative MP accused of sexual harassment by dozens of women was thrown into Krampus’ bag.

Renfield looked at the calendar and commented, “That’s right. It is Krampusnacht tonight isn’t it?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 5th
2017.

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