Michelangelo’s Dream of Raymond Red Reddington and Saad Hariri

November 17, 2017 at 6:08 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Dream of Raymond Red Reddington and Saad Hariri

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was asleep in his aquarium at the Set Enterprises laboratory in London.

He was dreaming a dream about TV character Raymond Red Reddington from The Blacklist holding Lebanese Prime Minister Saad Hariri hostage in Riyadh Saudi Arabia.

“Why are you doing this?” Saad Hariri asked Red, “I thought you were busy sharing a blacklist with law enforcement authorities in America in return for being allowed to keep your vast criminal empire. Why are you helping the Saudis?”.

“I owe Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman a favour,” Red lit a cigar, “I have nothing against you personally.”

“Why do you owe the Crown Prince a favour?” Saad asked.

“Well I must admit it’s quite embarrassing,” Red brushed cigar ash off his trousers, “A couple of years ago I was in a Paris apartment getting the best blow job I had in my life from an extremely charming and beautiful young Saudi businesswoman Miss Fatima Suleiman when unexpectedly the Saudi Religious Police (who seem to have some trouble knowing where their jurisdiction lies) came bursting into the room. They were going to charge the charming Miss Fatima with adultery and take her back to Saudi Arabia where she’d be stoned (in a different sense of that word from Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau inhaling too much pot smoke). I felt it would be a terrible tragedy for the world if it were to lose Fatima’s delicious lips of mass exhilaration. So I phoned Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman and asked that he commute her sentence and that she be allowed to remain in Paris where she could continue to perform oral healing on me. His Highness agreed on condition that I owe him a favour which he could call in at any time.”

“What became of the Saudi Religious Police officers who witnessed Fatima’s actions?” Hariri inquired.

“His Highness drafted them into the Saudi Army and sent them to the front lines of Damascus to fight Bashar al-Assad’s forces where of course they were killed immediately,” Red poured himself a glass of bourbon.

“And the favour the Crown Prince called in was for you to hold me hostage and get me to resign as Prime Minister of Lebanon 🇱🇧?” Hariri was beginning to see the light.

Reddington quickly closed the blinds.

“That is correct,” Red finished his bourbon.

“So why is the Crown Prince now allowing me to fly to Paris at the invitation of French President Emmanuel Macron?” Saad asked.

“Beats me,” Reddington shrugged, “For myself, I’ve always been suspicious of any French male politician who wears more makeup 💄 than Caitlyn Jenner and the Kardashian sisters put together.”

“So it’s a mystery why I’m being allowed to fly to Paris, France 🇫🇷,”
Hariri noted.

“Well there are rumours that a few days ago a kraken calling himself Napoleon VI burst into Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman’s palace while His Highness was hosting a seafood banquet,” Reddington opened a tin of smoked oysters, “and after eating all the seafood, the kraken demanded that His Highness release you.”

“And so as a result of the kraken’s digestive actions, I’m now flying to Paris,” Saad Hariri was impressed.

“That appears to be the case,” Red started eating the oysters using chopsticks, “as for myself, I appear to have misplaced my fork.”

“Say, Red,” Hariri looked imploringly at Reddington, “what’s the address of Miss Fatima Suleiman’s apartment in Paris?”.

Michelangelo woke up and wondered how much of his dream was reality.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 17th
2017.

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Mount Hermon and The UFOs

November 3, 2015 at 8:21 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Mount Hermon and The UFOs

Yuri, a pilot in the Russian Air Force, was doing a reconnaissance mission over Mount Hermon on the border between Lebanon, Syria and the Israeli occupied Golan Heights.

Yuri radioed in to base.

“Central Command, have spotted a series of UFOs over Mount Hermon. Should I engage?” asked Yuri.

“Yuri, this is Central Command,” the voice on the radio answered, “please clarify what you mean by UFOs?”.

“Flying saucers,” Yuri replied, “what are called extraterrestrial spacecraft or ET vehicles in popular movies. Repeat question, should I engage?”.

“How many would you estimate are there?” The voice on the radio inquired.

“According to in-flight computer calculations of the blips on the radar, exactly 200,” Yuri answered, “repeat question, should I engage?”.

“Negative, Yuri,” the voice ordered, “Get to Hell out of there and get back to base.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday November 3rd
2015.

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