Asmodeus In London

April 22, 2019 at 10:30 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

The heavy cigarette smoking demon Asmodeus was in London, England having lunch with his compatriots the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith and her little green frog companion Nimrod (who was the Nimrod of Book of Genesis fame reduced to an amphibian).

“Has there been a revival of Eostre worship in this day and age?” Asmodeus asked Lilith.

Eostre was the name of an Anglo-Saxon goddess worshipped by Anglo-Saxons in England.

The early medieval English Church historian Bede had mentioned in his 8th Century manuscript The Reckoning of Time that during the month of Eosturmonabp (the Anglo-Saxon equivalent of the Roman month of April), the pagan Anglo-Saxons had held feasts in Eostre’s honour but during Bede’s time, this had been replaced by the Christian Paschal month a celebration of the resurrection of Jesus.

Tales associated with the Anglo-Saxon goddess Eostre included bunny rabbits laying eggs.

As The Guardian Newspaper writer and former Catholic Herald editor Peter Stanford ate a chocolate covered Baphomet at a table sitting across from them, Nimrod noticed on the television in the restaurant a news story about a woman telling Pope Francis that she had seven children.

Pope Francis admonished the woman that one shouldn’t go around breeding like rabbits.

At that point, a giant bunny rabbit hopped by in Saint Peter’s Square and laid a rainbow coloured egg on top of the Pope’s head.

Peter Stanford started choking on his chocolate covered Baphomet.

“I hadn’t heard there was a revival in Eostre worship?” Lilith looked perplexed, “Why do you ask?”.

“Well, there were headlines on both ABC News and The Washington Post that Tourists, Easter worshippers lament closing of Notre Dame. Then after the attack on churches and western tourist hotels in Sri Lanka that killed at least 290 people and injured 500 others, Barack Obama tweeted, The attack on tourists and Easter worshippers in Sri Lanka are an attack on humanity. And Hillary Clinton tweeted, I’m praying for everyone affected by today’s horrific attack on Easter worshippers and travellers in Sri Lanka. And Fox News talked about the attack on Easter worshippers in Sri Lanka that left so many dead. I was wondering with all these references to Easter worshippers if the worship of Eostre had been revived.”

“Well, you as a demon can’t mention aloud the Name of Jesus Christ can you?” Lilith smiled.

Asmodeus struggled to say the name but eventually gave up.

“Well, just like you as a demon can’t say the name of Jesus Christ, the Vatican’s chief exorcist for so many years Father Gabriel Amorth (who definitely had a 24/7 full time job performing exorcisms at the Vatican) noted that mortals who are under demonic influences likewise have trouble saying the name Jesus Christ. So since the term Christian has Christ in it, no doubt ABC News, The Washington Post, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and Fox News can’t bring themselves to say that Christians were killed in the bombings so they use the term Easter worshippers instead.”

Peter Stanford who seemed to be having a wrestling match with his chocolate covered Baphomet quickly left the restaurant.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 22nd
2019.

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Allatallahbel On A Desert Highway, Golgotha and DNA Altering Swedish Meatballs

March 14, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Mythology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


The Vampiress Allatallahbel on a desert highway in Nevada

It had recently come to the attention of Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal that London private eyes Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley were investigating the mysterious death of Argentine adult film star Natacha Jaitt.

German Cardinal Walter Kasper had told her this investigation might prove hazardous to the pontificate of Pope Francis.

And Jorge Mario Bergoglio had proved to be a very accomodating useful idiot to her Vampiric Knights-Templar and their Freemasonic allies.

Allatallahbel decided she better do something to end the investigation.

She had discovered their investigation had taken them to an Argentine run casino in Las Vegas Nevada.

Now it was taking them to a little known polar bear fur trading post in the Nevada desert which was proving to be a huge Donald Trump approved tax write-off for the Argentine run casino.

Allatallahbel put on her best desert highway hitchhiking attire on the road Agathor and Magog would be driving towards the money losing polar bear fur trading post:

Both men (who were not wearing seat belts) went flying through the windshields of their Budget Rent-A-Car Volkswagen when Magog hit the brakes upon seeing her.

. . .

DARPA contract assasin and satyr serial killer Pan Goatee had felt a craving for a Meatball Marinara sub sandwich at the Subway store in a nearby mall.

He had gone there and discovered to his horror that a ugly looking woman was already in line at the counter in front of him.

Goatee whose serial killing specialty was killing ugly looking women promptly beheaded the uglo with his astral laser machete.

He had lost his appetite upon seeing the ugly looking creature and decided to walk to a nearby discount supermarket to buy some bottles of generic brand Diet Cola.

He of course got in line behind a beautiful looking woman.

But then an ugly looking woman who was stupid as well as ugly that was in front of the beautiful looking woman had discovered that she had brought the wrong brands of pizza- the ones not on sale- and tried getting in Pan Goatee’s way to go get the properly discounted ones.

Goatee promptly beheaded the ugly looking airhead.

“To raise the collective IQ of the world and improve the Earth’s aesthetic beauty all in one stroke,” Goatee remarked as he put the astral laser machete back in his Clint Eastwood autographed Two Mules For Sister Sarah spaghetti western holster.

. . .


The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith inside one of the catacombs in Rome

Lilith was in one of the catacombs beneath the Vatican.

Near one of the tombs of the ancient Nephilim giants that the Vatican had kept hidden from the world for centuries.

On the grave of a rare Nephilim dwarf, Imhotep the Rome-based Egyptian souvenir vendor and former High Priest-Scientist of Ra was working overtime to save the Undead life of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau vampire Franz Kohler.

He had found Kohler’s body after the latter had been shot with silver bullets fired at him by Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing at the Latin numeral Clock of Thoth in London a couple of nights ago.

Imhotep had used a papal dirigible The Sindenburg to fly the body from London to Rome.

He had extracted the silver bullets from Kohler’s body while on the Sindenburg and then used a brew of extracts of three tana leaves (as recommended by the Universal Pictures Mummy horror movies of the early 1940s) to keep the SS vampire alive.

Now he was about to use a brew of extracts of nine tana leaves (also recommended by the Universal Pictures Mummy horror movies of the early 1940s) to restore full movement, life and consciousness back to the SS vampire.

Lilith smiled as she saw Kohler’s eyes open and then ask, “Does anybody know where I can buy some good Bavarian beer sausage?”.

. . .

The Irish leprechaun Yaldabaoth was having a lunch of Guinness stout and pork pies with the Himalayan golden cobra serpent Maitreya who had crowned himself High King of Ireland a couple of years ago.

“Do you know what they’re now claiming in Pakistan?” Yaldabaoth asked Maitreya.

“No, what?” Maitreya asked as he used a New Age crystal healing stone (highly recommended by Tom Brady’s witch wife Gisele Bundchen) to try to re-heat his pork pie.

“That the recent Indian air strikes on Pakistan were part of a combined Hindu-Zionist plot to destroy Pakistan,” Yaldabaoth downed a full 72 ounce glass of Guinness, “and that Israeli Air Force pilots even participated in the air strikes on Pakistan.”

“How stupid can people get,” Maitreya remarked as using the New Age healing stone to re-heat his pork pie seemed to be going nowhere.

“I hope this won’t affect me any,” Yaldabaoth gorged down a whopping piece of pork pie, “my mother Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom told the Neo-Platonist schools of Alexandria that I Yaldabaoth am the same entity as Yahweh the god of the Hebrews. She came up with this idea after going on a hallucinogenic trip when she drank some fermented juice that was given her by the Hindu moon god Soma. This idea has since passed into Gnosticism where many Gnostic groups are convinced that I’m a bumbling demi-urge who stupidly created the material universe- the same charge that’s leveled against Yahweh.”

“I think with your love of pork pies,” Maitreya threw away the New Age healing stone in disgust, “no one would mistake you for the god of the Hebrews.”

. . .


Golgotha dressed as a Viking warrior princess ready to steal some DNA altering Swedish meat balls from a combined lab and kitchen in Stockholm.

The vampiress Golgotha had been sent to Stockholm Sweden by her mother the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith.

It had come to the attention of Lilith’s vast intelligence network that the Norse goddess Freya working in concert with the famous Swedish-Italian cook Chef Bjorg Jar (pronounced Yar) Dee had invented some DNA altering Swedish meatballs which, when consumed, gave people super human strength.

Lilith desired these DNA altering Swedish meatballs for the vast army of warriors she was building in Central Asia.

And now Golgotha dressed as a Viking warrior princess would be battling the intelligence agencies of the world in the kitchens of Stockholm to get the secret recipe for these DNA altering Swedish meatballs.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 14th
2019.

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Vampiress Lilith Discusses 5G and AI With The Demon Asmodeus At Astana Kazakhstan

March 7, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )


The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith on her estate near the Kazakhstan capital of Astana

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was standing in the middle of a forest path near her estate waiting for her ally the demon Asmodeus to show up.

Asmodeus showed up with 10 cigarettes in his mouth, a can of Budweiser beer in his left hand and a copy of The Times of London in his right hand.

“Read anything interesting in The Times of London?” Lilith asked as she picked a serpent off an apple tree.

“Well,” Asmodeus sipped Budweiser and belched, “I see British MP Renfield R. Renfield wrote an article examining Huawei and U.S.-China and Canadian-Chinese relations.”

Lilith bit the serpent’s neck with her vampiric incisors and then proceeded to eat it whole.

“Renfield notes that the Chinese government just cancelled over a billion dollars worth of canola exports from the western Canadian province of Manitoba,” Asmodeus read from the Times editorial page as he spilled beer and cigarette ash all over himself, “Renfield says this is all in retaliation for the Canadian government’s arrest and detention of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou.”

“Of course it is,” Lilith removed some dental floss attached to her thong and used it to floss snake skin from between her teeth and gums.

The little green frog Nimrod (the resurrected king of Babel and mighty hunter against the Lord who found himself turned into a frog as a result of an unfortunate incident some years back) walked into a tree and knocked himself out when he saw Lilith reach all the way down the low-cut top front of her dress to her thong to get the dental floss.

“What Justin Trudeau and the Canadian government fail to realize is that the conflict between the U.S. and China over Huawei is over what country will be the first to implement the Mark of the Beast system that the Apostle John foresaw on the island of Patmos and mentioned in Chapter 13 of The Apocalypse or Book of Revelation,” Lilith smoothed the front of her dress, “The 5G network is the Internet of Things network that will be used to implement the Mark of The Beast system. Just like developments in AI will bring to fruition the Image of The Beast so 5G will bring the Mark of the Beast to fruition.”

“I never read the Book of Revelation,” Asmodeus coughed a heavy smokers’ cough, “of course I had been bound and imprisoned in Upper Egypt by the Archangel Raphael for the longest period of time.”

“That bastard Raphael,” Lilith’s face turned as fiery as the recent electrical storms over the state of California, “bound and imprisoned my son Azazel (that I had after relations with the fallen angel and Watcher Semjaza) in the desert at Dudael which is east of Jerusalem.”

“China I believe is about 20 years ahead of developing 5G than the U.S. is, isn’t it?” Asmodeus said as he opened a Chinese fortune cookie and read his fortune.

“It is,” Lilith nodded, “when the U.S. finally figured it out and Donald Trump got his toupee caught in a Venus flytrap, then the word went forth from that time and place for the toppling of Huawei. And Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou was on the U.S. government hit list. And Justin Trudeau’s Canada did the dirty work and was left holding the bag.”

“So China is #1 when it comes to the Internet then?” Asmodeus took out his tablet.

“Actually Israel is ahead of China when it comes to the Internet, 5G and AI,” Lilith answered.

“Israel?” Asmodeus swallowed all 10 of his cigarettes in surprise.

“Yes,” Lilith nodded, “For the past dozen years, Israel has quietly become number one in the world when it comes to Internet technology, Internet security, cyberwarfare, 5G and AI. That’s why Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman is seeking an alliance with Israel. If he wants his new economic autonomous zone and technological research and development super city state of NEOM (to be built over the site where Moses received the 10 Commandments from Yahweh) to succeed, he’ll need Israeli expertise and know-how. Thanks to Israeli agencies like Talpiot which is sort of an Israeli equivalent of DARPA, the Rand Institute think tank and the Green Beret Special Forces combined and Unit 8200 of the Israeli Intelligence Corps., Israel leads the way in Third Wave Information Age technology.”

“Then maybe Israel will bring forth the Mark and the Image of the Beast,” Asmodeus suggested as he ate a kosher corned beef sandwich.

“Well according to some kabbalistic groups in Israel, the Messiah is supposed to arrive on the Festival of Purim this year which falls on March 20th to 21st the same time as the Spring equinox in the northern hemisphere,” Lilith pointed out, “and if the Kabbalistic Messiah is the Antichrist of Christian eschatology, the Mark and Image of the Beast system will be ready to go.”

“Hello,” Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing arrived on the scene carrying a personal handwritten message from Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to Lilith asking for the release of the Golem of Prague whom the vampiress had recently abducted, “does anyone here know the closest place where I might be able to get some dental floss?”.

Lilith reached down her dress.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 7th
2019.


What occult secrets is the vampiress Lilith hiding under her dress?

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Lilith, Putin, Golgotha and The Golem of Prague

February 21, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic romance, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Lilith was on her vast estate near Astana the capital city of Kazakhstan.

It was there that she had hidden the Golem of Prague that she had stolen (with the help of Count Dracula) from the attic of the Old New Synagogue in Prague.

She would be having a video phone conferencing call with the Presidents of Russia, Turkey, Iran and Venezuela to show them the body of the captured Golem.

The Black Dragon (the supernatural entity who was the leading advisor to Chinese President Xi Jinping) would be flying in from Beijing in his flying dragon form to personally see the Golem for himself.

There were rumours that Russian President Vladimir Putin would likewise be flying in from Moscow to personally see the Golem for himself.

As Lilith sat in her living room drinking cocktails, her vampiress daughter Golgotha stood guard on a portion of her mother’s Nouveau Babylon estate as it was called to prevent Britain’s MI-6 or Israel’s Mossad from retaking the Golem.

She sat there looking positively resplendent in the woods of the estate.

Wandering through the woods was Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing who had been sent to this Estate by MP Renfield R. Renfield who was the co-chair of the British House of Commons Covert Intelligence Committee and was working with the Israeli government to get the golem returned to Prague.

“Mr. Van Helsing,” Golgotha greeted him, “don’t you know you’re trespassing on private property? You could use a spanking for your behaviour.”

Van Helsing had to admit that she was probably right.

So he took off his clothes and lay across her red skirted and black silk nylon lap where she administered a good sound thorough walloping.

They then had tantric sex afterwards.

. . .

“Why the Hell isn’t that bastard answering his mobile phone?” Renfield R. Renfield swore as he sat in the office of French President Emmanuel Macron, “I bet that bastard is busy having tantric sex with someone.”

Macron looked up from the tour guide book he was reading entitled The Best Place To Find Cougars In Paris and blinked before asking, “Tantric sex? Dracul Van Helsing is having tantric sex?”.

“Most likely,” Renfield’s face turned redder than the cover of the booklet Quotations From Chairman Mao Tse-tung, “That’s what happens when you watch too many James Bond movies with either Sean Connery or Roger Moore playing Bond when you’re a teen-ager, you’re forever horny.”

“I wonder if that works when you’re older as well,” Macron applied some more mascara to his eyelashes, “I should go take a look at my video library.”

. . .

The Greek god of the sea Poseidon looked at the statue of himself at the Fountain of Neptune in Florence, Italy.

“I do have to admit that’s a very good likeness,” Poseidon commented through mouthfuls of seafood linguini.

“And like me, he doesn’t have his trident,” Poseidon remarked wistfully.

For his trident had been stolen by Atargatis the ancient northern Syrian mermaid goddess.

. . .

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith stood outside her house waiting for Vladimir Putin’s helicopter and the Black Dragon of Beijing to arrive.

The Red Army helicopter and the Black Dragon arrived at the same time crashing into one another.

“Oh God, oh God, oh God!” Golgotha shrieked in sheer joyful ecstasy from the other side of the Estate.

“It appears my daughter Golgotha has finally inherited my bloodlust,” Lilith thought to herself.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 21st
2019.

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The Golem of Prague Has Gone Missing

February 19, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Politics, Spy Tales, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


DARPA Contract Assassiness and Renfield associate Panty Goatee in Prague on the lookout for the Golem of Prague

“The Golem of Prague has gone missing, gentlemen,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield announced somewhat somberly over his rum and coke to the ghosts of Orson Welles and Sir Winston Churchill.

“Mazel tov,” exclaimed Orson Welles’ ghost inappropriately and somewhat less soberly over his spectral bottle of Mogen David wine.

“Gazooks!” Churchill’s ghost put down his spectral lox and cream cheese bagel.

“Yes, I just got a text message from the Controller of The Golem,” Renfield referred to the Israeli Mossad Agent who went by that code name, “The Golem of Prague went missing last night from the invisible corner of the attic of Prague’s Old New Synagogue when the cantor punched in his invisible co-ordinates on his mobile phone to see if the Golem was still present albeit invisibly.”

“Holy contradiction in terms, Batman,” Churchill’s ghost remarked in somewhat Robinesque fashion, “how did that happen?”.

“Well according to video surveillance footage,” Renfield looked at the footage on his Huawei smart phone, “the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith and the Transylvanian Count Dracula (who appeared to be in a hypnotic state) flew into the attic and minutes later were seen carrying out a very visible Golem. The video has been shared 666 million times on social media because during the Golem heist, the vampiress Lilith was wearing the last evening dress that House of Chanel Creative Fashion Director Karl Lagerfeld (September 10th 1933 – February 19th 2019) who died earlier today had ever designed.”

“Lilith was wearing a Karl Lagerfeld evening gown when she stole the Golem?” Welles’ ghost dropped his cigar in incredulity.

“Say what you will about Lilith,” Renfield poured himself a glass of Glenlivet Single Malt Whisky, “The vampiress does have impeccable good taste.”

“But how was she able to access the code for the invisible corner of the attic of Prague’s Old New Synagogue?” Churchill’s ghost bit deep into his spectral cigar spilling ectoplasmic ash all over his spirited spiritly suit, “only the Controller of the Golem and his designated successor within Mossad know the complicated access code which is to be found in the world’s only Jewish Chinese abacus the whereabouts in Israel that only the Controller and his successor know. Such has always been the case since the state of Israel was created back in 1948.”

“I don’t know how the code was cracked,” Renfield cracked himself a walnut as Donald Trump appeared on his smart phone extolling the virtues of building a wall.

. . .

“It was pure luck,” the somewhat inebriated Irish leprechaun Yaldabaoth (son of the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom Sophia when she was still a virgin although she was helped in terms of genetic manipulation and cloning techniques by the immortal Egyptian priest-scientist Imhotep) told Stephen Colbert the host of the Late Show, “I really didn’t know how to crack the code. But after drinking 200 pints of Guinness, ask me to do anything and I’ll probably do it. Which explains how I wound up face down in the gutter in front of the Apostolic home of the recently defrocked former Cardinal Theodore McCarrick back when he was still Archbishop of Washington DC. I woke up with an awfully sore rectum I do recall.”

“And did Lilith actually wear the last evening gown that Karl Lagerfeld ever designed before he died when she abducted the Golem of Prague?” Colbert asked.

“That she did,” Yaldabaoth nodded as he helped himself to a can of Samuel Adams GOAT Beer and then tossed it aside when he noticed his half-brother’s picture on it, “a Karl Lagerfeld evening dress, red silk nylons and blue spiked stiletto high heeled shoes. I myself wore a pair of green silk tights and a denim mini skirt that I had bought from Old Navy.”

“Are you trying to copy my transsexual transgendered habits?” Yaldabaoth’s younger brother/sister the Baphomet (the male/female human goat demon hybrid that was the son/daughter of the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom Sophia after she had made out with the Greek nature satyr god Pan) lunged at him from the audience.

“We appear to have a fight going on between a transgendered human goat demon hybrid and an Irish leprechaun,” Colbert informed his audience.

Meanwhile backstage the Nazi SS vampiress Helga Electrafreudenbund awaited to talk to Yaldabaoth.

She had failed in her own mission to destroy the Golem back during World War II.
She had ended up being strangled by the Golem of Prague but was brought back to life by Dr. Josef Mengele and then turned into a vampiress by the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith.

. . .

“The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith is behind much of the anti-Semitism currently happening in Britain and France,” Renfield explained to Welles and Churchill, “Vengeance for what she said was the defamation and libel of her good name in The Babylonian Talmud.”

“What about the current anti-Semitism in the Labour Party?” Churchill asked.

“I’ll have to ask my good friend Liverpool Wavertree MP Luciana Berger,” Renfield replied, “formerly of the Labour Party but left yesterday with 6 other former Labour MPs to form the Independent Group.”


Liverpool Wavertree MP Luciana Berger in much happier times last summer.
Getting her picture taken by fellow MP Renfield R. Renfield as he did his impersonation of Groucho Marx smoking a cigar and doing his hybrid duck/penguin walk.

-A vampire novel
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 19th
2019.

R.I.P. Karl Lagerfeld
September 10th 1933
to
February 19th 2019.


Naomi Campbell wearing an outfit designed by Karl Lagerfeld

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Goddesses and Vampiresses On Saint Valentine’s Eve

February 13, 2019 at 11:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )


The Persian goddess Anahita: A Saint Valentine’s Eve surprise for Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing

Dracul Van Helsing was down at the Set Enterprises Laboratories and Rug Emporium on London’s Canary Wharf.

He was there to return a Persian flying carpet that the ghost of Orson Welles had borrowed to fly to Chicago and avoid all the heavy snowstorms that had recently been occurring at Chicago’s O’ Hare Airport.

As he walked into the head office of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s Persian carpet warehouse partner the Persian goddess Anahita, she was there waiting for him:

Anahita: Good evening, Mr. Van Helsing.

She raised her dress and touched her legs as if she was doing a TV commercial for Venus Leg Care Products from Gillette.

“Soon Venus will be the only products that Gillette makes for both women and men,” Dracul remarked as he gazed at her.

Anahita lay back on the floor, “I hear that New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady while being shaved at Gillette Headquarters in Boston announced to the world that his wife Gisele Bundchen was a witch but a good witch who helps him win football games through the use of altars, candles, rituals, declarations of intent, healing stones and mantras.”

“I hear the same,” Dracul put down the magic carpet, “and a friend of mine in Huntsville, Alabama tells me that Gisele’s grandfather (or was it her great-grandfather?) was a Nazi SS officer who fled to Brazil from Germany after the war. An SS officer who participated in the highest Nazi satanic SS rituals.”

“Generational witchcraft,” Anahita sighed, “so what spirits is Gisele communing with?”.

“I have no idea,” Dracul answered, “and I do not intend to find out.”

“Did you know that David’s son King Solomon practiced witchcraft and sorcery?” Anahita ran her hands through her hair.

“So I’ve been told,” Dracul replied, “which is probably why the Ancient and Accepted Scottish Rite of Freemasonry has been so anxious to see Solomon’s Temple rebuilt.”

“Did you ever time travel to Solomon’s original Temple?” Anahita asked.

“I did,” Dracul nodded.

“And did you enter Solomon’s Temple?” She asked him with a knowing and inviting smile.

“That I did,” the vampire hunter’s answer was affirmative.

“And would you like to enter my temple?” Anahita licked her lips and raised her dress.

“I would,” Dracul spoke the truth.

Next door in the weightlifting room as Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was working out and lifting weights in an effort to impress his crush Sherrielock Holmes, the voice of Frank Sinatra could be heard on the crustacean’s iPhone singing, “That old black magic has me in its spell…”

Dracul entered Anahita’s temple.

. . .

“And where are you going, Count?” the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith asked Dracula on the forest trail through the Carpathians as she saw him approach.

“Lilith!” Dracula was astounded.

It had been centuries since she had turned him into a vampire.

Both wolves and ravens turned and fled from the site of this reunion.

. . .


“Thank you, your Eminence,” Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal addressed the kabbalistic practicing Cardinal Samhain Salaman.

“You are welcome,” the Cardinal bowed.

“That alchemical ritual you performed with the blood I gave you makes me look even younger than my usual young self,” Allatallahbel smiled.

“The blood you gave me in that test tube helped,” said Samhain Cardinal Salaman, “whose blood was it anyways?”.

“Ariana Grande’s,” Allatallahbel licked her vampiric incisors.


Ariana Grande: Her blood provided youthful rejuvenation to Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 13th
Saint Valentine’s Eve
2019.

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Cardi B. and The Time Traveller: A Poem

February 7, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Culture, Detective story, Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic poem, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, Music, music videos, Mystery, Mythology, News, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )


Singer Cardi B. flees Lancaster Hall in England in 1888 leaving behind a giant sized shoe.

“So you really expect me to believe you’re a time traveller from the year 2019?” Consulting detective Sherlock Holmes asked somewhat skeptically.

“Whether you believe it or not, it is true,” replied Dracul Van Helsing who had recently seen Achilles slay his enemy in a manner most Hectorly.

“I have worked on stranger cases,” Holmes admitted.

He looked at Dracul wondering if he should have him committed.

“And what do you mean by a hip hop singer?” Holmes looked as though he’d been through the ringer.

“Do not worry about musical terms from the future,” said Dracul, “rather worry about Cardi B. whom Vampiress Lilith wants to goose her.”

“May I ask why?” Holmes looked up at the dark sky.

“It has to do with Solomon and the Queen of Sheba,” Dracul stated in the midst of an atmospheric upheava.

Holmes looked confused, the coachman looked bemused and the estate cat looked amused.

“It has to do with Cardi B.’s real name,” Dracul played with an open window pane.

“Which is,” Van Helsing went on, “Belcalls Almanzar. Watch out for that falling star…

Holmes quickly jumped out of the way.

And the star landed in some hay.

Much to a hungry horse’s dismay.

His dinner went up in a blaze of smoke.

All that’s left- a solitary artichoke.

The horse ate the artichoke as Dracul continued his story,

“Lilith’s dealings with Solomon- somewhat gory…”

“But what does this have to do with Cardi B.?” Holmes lit his pipe under a tree.

“Her real name,” a soft breeze came, “Belcalls refers to the Queen of Sheba and Almanzar means watchtower. Watch that flower..”

Holmes avoided stepping on the Lancaster Hall estate’s red rose as the cat pranced about on tippy toes.

“So Lilith thinks Cardi B. is the watchtower of the Queen of Sheba,” Dracul went on, “so vampiress wreaks vengeance on Solomon by killing this singing diva.”

A scream went through the air as the terror that flies by night lost her shoes while Sherlock looked in the garden for more clues.

Cardi ran off after the terror by night while Lilith’s shoe glittered in the lamplight.

The next day, Cardi rode a white horse into the countryside

where horse and rider gave each other quite the ride.

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 7th
2019.

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Vampiress Lilith and Satyr Bagpiper Pan Deux At Robbie Burns Day Dinner In Jerusalem

January 25, 2019 at 11:54 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Politics, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

It was Robbie Burns Day and William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas the British Deputy Consul at the British Consulate in West Jerusalem was hosting a Robbie Burns party in his West Jerusalem home.

William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas had been the Scottish Nationalist Party (SNP) MSP (Member of the Scottish Parliament) for the Eildon Hills and the Intergovernmental Affairs Minister for Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond’s Scottish Parliamentary government prior to the September 18th 2014 Scottish independence referendum which the pro-independence side had lost.

To show there were no hard feelings after the referendum, then British Prime Minister David Cameron had named William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas (who had been slated to become the first Foreign Minister for an independent Scotland) the British Deputy Consul in West Jerusalem.

So he and his Indian born wife Sangita Patel Douglas had moved to West Jerusalem along with their official family bagpiper the tartan kilt wearing hairy goat legged genetically created satyr bagpiper Pan Deux.

Pan Deux was the genetically created younger brother of world famous satyr serial killer and DARPA contract assassin Pan Goatee.

Both satyrs had been genetically created in a lab by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

Pan Deux since he was not injected with the DNA of the homicidal Siberian yeti (like his brother Pan Goatee was) but rather the more people friendly Himalayan yeti (Dr. Cadbury Rocher had used yeti DNA to make their legs furry and hairy as modern goat DNA didn’t seem to cut it), he wasn’t as homicidally inclined as his older cloned brother satyr was.

And in that respect Pan Deux wasn’t as malevolent as his older brother Pan Goatee was.

Although music lovers might disagree as most of the world’s music critics found Pan Deux’s bagpipe playing to be horrendous.

One music critic for The Jerusalem Post had in fact written that singer-songwriter Don McClean had had a prophetic vision of Pan Deux’s bagpipe playing the day he wrote the American Pie song lyrics “The day the music died…”

And the Mossad agent they called The Controller of The Golem had become personal friends with Mr. William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas and his wife Mrs. Sangita Patel Douglas since they had arrived in Jerusalem a few years ago so he had been invited to the couple’s Robbie Burns party on this Friday night.

No doubt his rabbi wouldn’t be pleased to see him missing at this evening’s synagogue service but then eating haggis was a once in a lifetime experience.

And speaking of once in a lifetime culinary experiences, the Mossad agent’s White House source (let’s call him… Jared Kushner… in Jerry Seinfeldian fashion) had informed the Controller of The Golem that the reason why Donald Trump had caved in to Nancy Pelosi on the government funding issue was because last night the Donald had dreamed that he had died after eating 94 plates of lutefisk.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, the Donald had dreamed that he had been thrown into Hell after dying.

The Donald had angrily cried after being thrown toupee head downwards into the flames of Hell by the Archangels Michael and Raphael, “Who does this Jesus Christ guy think he is anyways? Telling me that I can go to Hell like that? God Incarnate or something?”.

The Controller of The Golem had also found out that Nancy Pelosi (namely because the Mossad had placed a camera and listening devices into the Congresswoman’s vibrator which she carried either in her purse or on her person at all times) the House of Representatives’ chief practicing witch had offered a sacrifice of frogs’ legs (done in a Buffalo barbeque style) to a statue of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft in thanksgiving to Donald Trump caving in to her.

Silly Nancy was totally unaware that the Donald had sent the ghost of the insane Roman Emperor Nero as an incubus to appear to her and offer her a better bang for her buck than her long suffering vibrator.

And speaking of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft, the Controller of The Golem had recently found out that Hecate had been beheaded a few years back when she had foolishly walked down the street in her ugly looking crone form at the same time that Pan Goatee was walking down the street.

Hecate’s skull was currently being kept in the High Altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica at the Vatican (on Pope Francis’ orders) as the unknown relic to be venerated.

The Controller of The Golem’s date for the Robbie Burns dinner at the Douglas home was the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith who was wearing a lovely low-cut purple evening dress boldly advertising a nice pair of knockers that most of the male guests present at the dinner couldn’t keep their eyes off of.

A few years ago, Lilith had attempted to poison the Controller of The Golem by dropping a vial of Polonium-210 into his glass of Scotch while he was sitting in a pub in London, England.

The poisoning had worked because the Controller of The Golem had croaked (like the poor frog who was the subject of Nancy Pelosi’s Congressional Wiccan dissection sacrifice to Hecate).

Fortunately for the Controller of The Golem, Dr. Cadbury Rocher had brought him back from the dead.

But the Controller of The Golem was now willing to let bygones be bygones as far as Lilith was concerned.

He had run into the vampiress last night when she was skiing downhill on the southern slopes of Mount Hermon (the mountain where the angelic Watchers of Genesis Chapter 6 had landed millenia ago) in the Israeli controlled Golan Heights.

She had been skiing down the slopes while wearing a slit skirted jade green evening dress, very attractive tan pantyhose and spiked stiletto high heeled shoes.

The Controller of The Golem promptly asked her out for a date on the spot.

And the date was to attend tonight’s ritual slaughter of the haggis in the Douglas dining room in that ancient Robbie Burns Day dinner ritual known as the Presentation of the Haggis.

And now the haggis was being piped in on a silver platter in the dining room by the tartan kilt wearing hairy goat legged genetically created satyr bagpiper Pan Deux for the presentation of the haggis at this year’s Robbie Burns dinner.

William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas then spoke the Address To A Haggis written by Robbie Burns before sacrificing the haggis with a ceremonial knife.

Belvedere the ghost of a ghost white salamander who was covering the West Jerusalem Robbie Burns dinner as a news correspondent for The Times of London winced when he saw the knife come down on the haggis.

Sangita Patel Douglas stood ready with a bowl of her delicious home made curry to pour on the haggis as most of those present didn’t really relish the idea of eating sheep’s guts on its own.

Pan Deux after playing the Piping In Of The Haggis on his bagpipes then played Some Enchanted Evening from the musical South Pacific on his bagpipes.

Lilith accidentally dropped a fork down the front of her evening dress and at least a dozen of the male guests present offered their assistance.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Robbie Burns Day
Friday January 25th
2019.


As a Robbie Burns Day dinner was held at the Douglas home in West Jerusalem, the Romanian vampiress dominatrix Ravenella Vampyrex stands ready to tomato the buns of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman in a special ceremony to welcome in the world’s new Messiah.
At the same time, the Transylvanian Count Dracula was struck off his Google built AI robotic camel on the road to Damascus by a blinding light identifying itself as the Antichrist but added that Oprah Winfrey and Eckhart Tolle were advising the Count not to fear it.

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More Uglos Slain, Donald Trump To Meet Loki and Vampiress Lilith Skis Mount Hermon

January 24, 2019 at 11:54 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was once again riding the bus when he saw a fat ugly blimp getting on.

“Jesus Fucking H. Christ!” Pan Goatee exclaimed when he saw the hideously grotesque offspring of a human male-female walrus abomination sexual liaison, “Calgary women seem to be getting uglier and uglier with each passing day. I feel like Sisyphus trying to roll that rock up a hill only to have it roll down again in my never ending efforts to bring a Friedrich Nietzschean and Oscar Wildean sense of beauty and aesthetics to this godforsaken city.”

Goatee beheaded the fat ugly cow and then cut her up into 666 trillion pieces with his astral laser machete.

He went and sat down again and the man sitting across from him asked, “What does the H. in Jesus Fucking H. Christ stand for?”.

“Harry,” Pan Goatee answered.

“Wow,” the man turned to his average looking but fortunately (for her) non-repulsive looking wife, “Jesus has the same name I do. Harry.”

“Oh shut up, Harold,” Martha replied.

When Goatee attempted to get off at his stop, some ugly stoat looking woman tried to get off in front of him and so he beheaded her and likewise cut her up into 666 trillion pieces.

“Jesus Fucking H. Christ!” Goatee exclaimed again at the mention of whose name Harold the passenger smiled, “What is it with these fucking ugly looking cretins wandering around all over the place? If the Watcher angels came down to Earth again like they did in the days of Mount Hermon, they wouldn’t be mating with the daughters of men as is mentioned in Genesis Chapter 6 and elaborated on in the Book of Enoch because these days the daughters of men are not fair and beautiful to look upon. They’re repulsively ugly and make one want to vomit all over the place. Especially in Calgary. Gives a whole new meaning to this city’s nickname of Cowtown.”

. . .

“I just got a call on my Huawei smart phone from the Norse trickster god Loki,” Donald Trump explained to his English butler and valet Lexington, “He wants to take me out for a Norse Norwegian lutefisk dinner.”

“That’s very nice of him, sir,” Lexington removed Trump’s toupee and put it in the sulphuric acid tank to kill germs.

“What is lutefisk anyways?” Trump asked as he noted how much he looked like an elderly Lex Luthor in the mirror.

“It’s a combination of dried/salted whitefish and lye, sir,” Lexington answered.

“Wow,” Trump replied as he watched the hairs on his toupee in the sulphuric acid tank stand on end, “Is it safe to eat?”.

“Well it is my understanding, sir, that a Norwegian-Canadian gentleman up in the town of Donalda, Alberta, Canada won a lutefisk eating contest back in the 1950s by eating 94 plates of the stuff. He wasn’t around to receive the prize however as he keeled over and died while starting on his 95th plate. Today he’s still looked upon as a dead living legend in the town of Donalda and the immediate surrounding areas. In fact, his name is always spoken in whispers by people who promptly make the Sign of the Cross while doing so. Which is strange considering that most people with a Norwegian background are Lutheran and not Catholic.”

“So you’d advise me then not to eat 94 plates of the stuff?” Trump pondered what to tweet about next.

“On the contrary, sir,” Lexington shook his head, “on behalf of the 800,000 unpaid federal government workers, I think you should eat at least 94 plates of the stuff.”

“I guess I’ll have to cut down on the number of hamberders I eat ahead of time then,” Trump noted.

. . .

The Mossad agent they call the Controller of The Golem was on the southern slopes of Mount Hermon in the Israeli controlled Golan Heights.

The ski hill at Mount Hermon had been hit this past Sunday January 20th (around the time of the Super Blood Wolf Moon) by an Iranian missile in retaliation for Israeli Air Force strikes on Iranian targets near Damascus Airport.

The Controller of The Golem had been informed that a lovely and sexy redheaded woman wearing a slit skirted jade evening dress was skiing in spiked stiletto high heeled shoes and skis down the southern slopes of Mount Hermon.

The Controller of The Golem came to see for himself concerned that his agents might be smoking legalized Canadian recreational cannabis on the side.

He saw however that they were right.

“Lilith,” the Controller of The Golem remarked as the sexy slit skirted evening dress Babylonian vampiress skiied up to him.

“Nathan,” the Babylonian vampiress greeted him by name.

“What are you doing here?” Nathan asked.

“Recounting memories of making out with Semjaza the leader of the Watchers when he landed on Mount Hermon,” Lilith laughed lusciously.

“You were here when that happened?” Nathan’s jaw dropped.

“Of course,” Lilith winked, “Semjaza told me that I was the best earth lay he ever had. Azazel was our son.”

“The demon Azazel was your son?” Nathan was shocked again, “But I thought he was one of the original Watchers.”

“Many people assume that,” Lilith laughed, “yet if they paid attention to Chapter 7 of the Book of Enoch where the names of Semjaza the chief and the names of the prefects of the 200 Watcher angels are named, nowhere is Azazel’s name mentioned. Azazel is only mentioned in Chapter 8 after the Watcher angels made out with Earth women. And I being an earth vampiress and Semjaza being an angel gave rise to Azazel who taught men warfare and women witchcraft.”

“I recall what the Scapegoat did to the world,” Nathan answered.

“Yes,” Lilith smiled, “those who have power practice war and those who don’t have power practice witchcraft. Which is why since 2000 in the U.S., the Republicans have been waging war and the Democrats have been practicing witchcraft.”


The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith when she was in Saint Petersburg Russia on October 13th last autumn.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 24th
2019.

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Ghost Ship: The Flying Dutchman Sails On and On

December 19, 2018 at 11:28 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic, Gothic poem, Gothic romance, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

On a moonlit night the sky’s spotlight
casts its rays down on tonight’s performer
a sailing ship rising out of the mist
in a globe theatre where sea and sky do meet
From underneath the water Poseidon’s hand
seems to rise from below the depths
lifting the old Dutchman like a pearl of great price
as an offering and a gift to Diana’s lantern in the night sky

Oh ship of mighty oak and sturdy deck and towering masts
what a price thou hast paid
for having for a master one Captain Hendrick Van der Decken
He who would make league and sup with the Devil
to have the fastest ship that would sail to the East Indies and back

And so there at the Cape of Good Hope
ship, master and crew would lose all hope
as Captain Hendrick stood on deck at the wheel
and cursed the wind for holding him back
but this was no wind of natural origin
This was the lady Moriah
better known as the Devil’s daughter Lilith
She the angel who directed the windstorm
As Abraham was about to sacrifice his son
on the mountain that she’d often ascend and descend
The mount where she communicated with a thousand points of light
Those gods worshipped by many nations who chose to follow her father
originally the supreme lightbearer Lucifer who rebelled against the Creator of the Cosmos

And so that mount would play at the center of time
She the angel who directed the whirlwind
causing a son who led a nation founded by Freemasons and Rosicrucians to pose the question
What angel in the whirlwind directs this storm?
The same angel that would raise a desert storm
and cause her own ancient homeland to fall under the control
of Sir Francis Bacon’s prophecied New Atlantis
that lay far beyond mighty Hercules’ pillars

A son that asked What angel in the whirlwind directs this storm?
in his inaugural speech
while his father who led the same New Atlantis
talked of communing with a thousand points of light
The father who has now gone to his reward

When shall the thousand points of light again gather on Moriah?
For after the ram saved Abraham’s son from sacrifice
The mount was to become sacred to the cosmos’ Creator
But alas foolish is man! And full of folly!
For the wisest among men chose to have 700 wives and 300 concubines
And in building a Temple to the Cosmos’ Creator
would eventually allow his women to erect statues to their nations’ gods
So that once again the thousand points of light (Lucifer’s merry band)
would seek to stand toe to toe and shoulder to shoulder with the Ultimate Divine

And now a homicidal crown prince arises out of the Arabian desert
A secret follower after strange gods
(Like many men who led the New Atlantis beyond Hercules’ pillars)
and has agreed in backdoor channels with the Nation of Israel
to rebuild Solomon’s Temple on Mount Moriah
provided that the thousand points of light once again
stand on equal ground and shoulder to shoulder with the Cosmos’ Creator

Solomon (and its Arabic equivalent Suleiman) are both rooted in shalom/salaam meaning peace
And the homicidal crown prince is the son of Salman (of the same root as Solomon/Suleiman but is a separate name meaning safe)
“For when they shall say, Peace and safety, then sudden destruction cometh upon them…” (I Thessalonians 5:3)


Those who summon the first of a thousand points of light…

In 1951, a movie was made about the Flying Dutchman

The story of a woman named Pandora who sacrificed herself
to free the Dutchman from his curse

Now the Dutchman’s curse
caused by his cursing the wind
who was the Lady Moriah
(Remember the origins of the song They Call The Wind Maria)
Lilith the Devil’s Daughter
the angel in the whirlwind who directed this storm
and communed with the thousand points of light

That curse will soon end
Captain Hendrick and his ship
The Flying Dutchman will sail on and on
Far past the Cape of Good Hope
and beyond
For the thousand points of light will once again descend
On Mount Moriah
to claim equality with and stand shoulder to shoulder
and toe to toe with the Creator of the Cosmos
until the arrival of he
“Who opposeth and exalteth himself above all that is called God, or that is worshipped; so that he as God sitteth in the Temple of God, shewing himself that he is God.”

So the ending of the Dutchman’s troubles
is the beginning of the apotheosis of humanity’s
The Dutchman’s gain is humanity’s loss.


Pandora: The woman who saved the Flying Dutchman
Named after the woman who, in classical Greek mythology, opened up a box of troubles for all mankind as good Hope is left behind.

-A supernatural narrative poem
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday December 19th
2018.

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