Aphrodite In Venice
The Greek goddess Aphrodite in the city of Venice
The Greek goddess Aphrodite was in the city of Venice wearing a beautiful lilac dress as she walked along a brick pier.
She was here to meet Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
Van Helsing was on a mission for Set Enterprises.
Set Enterprises was hoping to stop Asclepius the Greek god of medicine, Thoth the Egyptian god of math 🧮 and the sciences, the Norse trickster god Loki, evil deranged mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci and the satanic AntiPope Jorge Mario Bergoglio from bringing the Egyptian divine trio of Isis, Osiris and Horus back from the dead.
Isis, Osiris and Horus had recently been dispatched to the Underworld by Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit secret agent Phoebe Sears.
The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was hoping to use Van Helsing’s influence with Aphrodite to use her influence with Zeus to use his influence with his grandson Asclepius not to bring that Egyptian divine trio back from the dead.
Orson Welles’ ghost was on a boat enjoying a plate of spectral Black Sea caviar as Van Helsing approached Aphrodite.
Van Helsing and Aphrodite went to a nearby Venetian restaurant to discuss their plans.
The waiter in the restaurant poured Dracul and Aphrodite glasses of iced water as the pair examined the menu.
Samhain Cardinal Salaman (one of the few heterosexuals in Francis’ Vatican Curia) walked by.
He tapped each one of the glasses of iced water 💦 and turned it into wine 🍷.
“Don’t worry,” the Cardinal smiled, “I am just a volshebnik. I am not Christ.”
Meanwhile back on the boat, the ghost of Orson Welles holding a glass of red wine 🍷 that suddenly turned to iced 🧊 water 💦 watched as the ship The Flying Dutchman sailed into the Venetian harbour.
“Captain Hendrick Van der Decken at your service,” a man wearing the 18th Century maritime uniform of a sea captain for the Dutch East India Company appeared in front of Welles.
. . .
World Economic Forum Chairman Klaus Schwab would be speaking to a group of influential businessmen.
Set Enterprises had sent one of their Intelligence Unit secret agents the invisible 6 foot 8 tall Welsh pooka purple bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger to inject a needle 💉 containing truth serum into the buttocks of Klaus Schwab so he would be compelled to tell the truth at some point during his speech.
As Schwab stood up at the podium shooting his mouth off with banal platitudes, he suddenly grimaced but then went on.
Said Schwab, “Adolf Hitler said it by railway loudspeaker to the Jews leaving by train to the camps of Auschwitz, Buchenwald and Dachau almost a century ago and I will say it again, “You vill own nothing and you vill be happy.” Oh kacke scheisse, I can’t believe I just said that.”
. . .
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing a Saturday night podcast.
Noted Renfield, “Earlier today I got an invitation on Facebook from a group calling itself Bud Light Drinkers 4 Justin a group whose motto is Justin Trudeau is The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread 🥖 🍞. I googled the group and I’d have to say the photo of the group Bud Light Drinkers 4 Justin looks a lot like The Rocky Horror Picture Show but with a lot uglier looking transvestites. I messaged them back saying Thanks but no thanks. I also pointed out that Justin Trudeau is not the greatest thing since sliced bread. He’s the greatest thing since castration.”
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Saturday June 3rd
2023.
Aphrodite In The Park
The Greek goddess Aphrodite in a park in London
The Greek goddess Aphrodite was sitting in a park in London.
She observed as the Greek god Asclepius met with the Norse trickster god Loki, a representative of evil deranged mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci and an envoy of Pope Francis.
The four discussed how to bring the Egyptian deities Isis, Osiris and Horus back from the dead as the three had all been bumped off earlier this week by Phoebe Sears a cryptographer and code breaker for Set Enterprises (Set Enterprises being owned by the London based ancient Egyptian vampire Set who was the arch enemy of brother Osiris, sister Isis and nephew Horus).
“Incest is never a good thing,” the blind ghost of Thebes’ Oedipus Rex commented as he walked by.
It was definitely applicable to Egyptian royal politics and intrigue especially when Egyptian royalty was elevated to godhood in a pyramid temple ceremony that prefigured contemporary Mormon Temple ceremonies by several millennia.
She watched as a Bud Lite drinking and cross-dressing Neo-Bolshevik Communist FBI agent (on a covert mission for senile old fool Joe Biden) attempted to assassinate British MP Renfield R. Renfield for his recent elimination of much of Los Angeles Dodgers’ management.
The FBI agent was blown away to kingdom come (or queendom goeth) by Renfield sporting his Sean Connery personally autographed James Bond 007 gun.
Aphrodite then watched as Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles stole the magical love inducing bow and arrow 🏹 from her son Cupid/Eros 💘.
They did so because they needed Cupid/Eros’ bow and arrow 🏹 💘 for an upcoming mission on behalf of the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit.
Aphrodite watches as Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles steal the magical bow and arrow from her son Cupid/Eros.
“Come here,” Aphrodite said to Dracul Van Helsing as she adjusted her skirt, “and get across my lap. You need a good spanking for doing that.”
Van Helsing did as he was told.
And Aphrodite spanked the living daylights out of Dracul’s bare bottom.
Van Helsing then made out with her when the spanking was over.
The ghost of Orson Welles grabbed the magic love 💗 inducing bow and arrow 🏹 of Cupid/Eros 💘 and got the Hell out of there.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Saturday May 27th
2023.
Aphrodite Spanks


The Greek goddess Aphrodite
Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun 🍀 had just stolen a bottle of ambrosia on Mount Olympus.
Of course the leprechaun ☘️ was already immortal.
He just liked drinking ambrosia for the taste.
After knocking out Ganymede (male cupbearer to the gods of Olympus) with a sleeping potion and getting his friend Dracul Van Helsing to make out with Hebe (female cupbearer to the gods) to distract her, the little leprechaun 🍀 ☘️ helped himself to a bottle of ambrosia from the Mount Olympus cupboard.
As he walked by Aphrodite’s room, he saw her looking like this:
So naturally he entered.
“You little thief,” Aphrodite said to the leprechaun 🍀 ☘️ when she noticed the bottle of ambrosia in his hand.
She took Yaldabaoth over her knee and spanked him.
Yaldabaoth walked away from Mount Olympus rubbing a sore bottom and minus the bottle of ambrosia.
Hebe suddenly walked past Aphrodite’s room with an ecstatic smile on her face.
Seconds later Dracul Van Helsing walked by Aphrodite’s room with an ecstatic smile on his face.
The Greek goddess of love ❤️ quickly deduced in Sherlockian fashion what had transpired between the two.
So she grabbed Dracul Van Helsing, brought him into her room, took him over her knee and spanked him.
They then made love together.
Meanwhile in London, British MP Renfield R. Renfield remarked to the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill, “Dracul doesn’t seem to be answering his cell phone.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 20th
2023
Greek Goddess Aphrodite On A Train Plus 10th Anniversary of Pope Francis’ Election
The Greek goddess Aphrodite was riding a train to eventually get to Glastonbury Abbey.
The Greek goddess Aphrodite had a heard a tale currently circulating among some gods and goddesses that a descendant of King Arthur would someday be the Emperor of a revived Holy Roman Empire.
She endeavoured to look into the matter and decided to start by going to Glastonbury Abbey the alleged burial place of King Arthur and Queen Guinevere of Camelot.
Glastonbury Abbey was also believed to be close to the mythical mystical isle of Avalon where according to another legend King Arthur was just asleep 😴 💤 and resting and waiting to someday reign again on the throne of Britain.
Something that no doubt would come as a severe shock to His Majesty King Charles III if it were to happen in his lifetime.
It turns out Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was also riding this train because he had heard that the evil vampire Toulouse La Track (a vampire who rode aboard British Railway trains 🚊 and sucked the blood 🩸 of beautiful young women while showing them sketches for his paintings 🖼️ ) was aboard this train.
Dracul found Toulouse La Track’s cabin and killed him by staking him through the heart.
If Dracul had not staked and killed Toulouse La Track, the train’s conductor would have most likely done so as this would have been the 72nd time that the vampire 🧛♂️ had been caught riding without a bought and paid for British Rail ticket.
Dracul then set out to find his own train compartment.
He opened one door and saw Aphrodite:
Naturally Dracul Van Helsing being Dracul Van Helsing made out with her.
The ghost of Orson Welles walked in on the scene of the divine climax.
“Holy orgasm, Batman!” Said Welles’ ghost who had binge watched episodes of the 1960s American TV series Batman the night before.
. . .
“So he came with the king’s mandate, bringing nothing worthy of the high priesthood, but having the fury of a cruel tyrant, and the rage of a savage beast.”
-II Maccabees 4:25
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing his Monday night podcast on this evening of March 13th 2023, “Today is the 10th anniversary of the satanic AntiPope Jorge Mario Bergoglio being elected to the throne of Peter…”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 13th
2023.
Mistress of The Dark
Greek goddess Aphrodite filling in for vintage horror movie TV show hostess Vampira on a summer evening in Los Angeles in 1954
Vampira hosted a vintage horror movie TV show on the Los Angeles ABC TV affiliate KABC-TV from 1954 to 1955.
It was a summer evening in 1954 and Vampira had come down with laryngitis.
How was she to host her show tonight?
It was fortunate for Vampira that her drinking companion that night was the Greek goddess Aphrodite.
Aphrodite volunteered to fill in for her.
The scene now switches to a Los Angeles home where 8-year-old Henry a rather precocious boy used to go downstairs to the living room while his parents were asleep and turn on the family black and white TV on low volume and watch The Vampira Show on late night TV.
Tonight he was doing the same again.
The show’s announcer announced, “Regrettably Vampira is unable to host the show tonight…”
“Awwww…” said Henry.
“However Aphrodite is going to fill in for her and here’s Aphrodite…”
“Yay,” said Henry when he saw her.
Henry didn’t think much of the movie being shown but he did like the scenes where Aphrodite gave commentary.
Having divine sight, the goddess saw the psychopathic clown that had entered Henry’s family home and was holding a knife over Henry as the boy sat on the floor in front of the television.
She grabbed the vampire stake from inside the movie being shown and putting her hand through the TV screen in the living room staked the psychopathc clown to death.
“Wow, cool,” Henry enthused.
His mother was not so enthusiastic when she saw the mess on the living toom floor the next morning.
Henry was unable to sit down comfortably for the next week.
-A short story
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday June 30th
2022.
Aphrodite At The Sherlockian Club In London
The Greek goddess Aphrodite at The Sherlockian Club in London
Aphrodite was sitting in one of the reading rooms at an exclusive men’s club in London.
Even though only men were allowed in the club, for some reason, none of the men present in the club this night objected to her being there.
The Sherlockian Club was founded well over a century ago in the year 1912 to honour the great British consulting detective Sherlock Holmes.
Its first President was one Winston Churchill a British MP and sometimes cabinet minister.
No wearing of masks and no social distancing went on at the Sherlockian Club.
That’s because its current President was one Renfield R. Renfield a British MP and sometime cabinet minister (whenever it was a minority government situation).
However none of the Sherlockian Club members got Covid, got sick or died.
The same couldn’t be said for one nursing home in Italy where there hadn’t been any deaths the past few years but as soon as all the nursing home residents were vaccinated with the Pfizer vaccine 2 weeks ago, 8 residents had dropped dead like flies the past 2 weeks.
And there was the stupendously great baseball player and baseball home run king Hank Aaron (one who didn’t use steroids to hit his record home runs like later players did) who publicly received the vaccine for Covid two weeks ago in an effort to show all Americans that the vaccine was safe.
Now today he was dead.
No doubt Joe Biden and Nancy Pelosi were offering prayers of thanks to Beelzebub that they had received the vaccine injections with the caps on.
Aphrodite was at the Sherlockian Club in London because her World Mythology and Folklore instructor at Oxford Prof. William Charles was going to read aloud a paper she wrote last year on the origins of the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake.
Prof. William Charles in addition to being an Associate Professor of Mythology, Folklore, Vampirism, Lycanthropy and Paranormal Studies at Oxford University was a member of the Sherlockian Club.
As Aphrodite sat in one of the lounges of the Sherlockian Club waiting for Prof. William Charles’ speech to begin in the central dining hall
she soon found herself joined by Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
“I’m anxious to hear your paper on the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake,” Dracul stated.
“Well, we’ve got an hour to kill before the lecture begins,” Aphrodite smiled, “Why don’t I give you a spanking and then we can make out?”.
“A splendid idea,” Van Helsing agreed.
30 minutes later the ghost of Orson Welles inadvertently walked into the room.
“Why does this always happen to me?” Welles’ ghost sighed once again playing the role of the ghostly voyeur.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 22nd
2021.
Aphrodite: Pearl of The Meditteranean
The ghost of the Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte had managed to convince Hades and Persephone to let him out of the Underworld for a while and let him wander the Earth.
The Earth was in the throes of chaos thanks to the Covid-19 virus and the global lockdown as well as ongoing Neo-Bolshevik insurrectionary riots and neo-Jacobin French Revolutionary Reign of Terror tactics going on in the United States of America.
It was just such a period of chaos and turmoil in France during the last decade of the 18th Century that had allowed Napoleon to come to power in France and eventually make himself Emperor of the French in the 1st decade of the 19th Century.
Now Napoleon wished to wander the earth to see who would emerge as the absolute ruler of the hour in this time of chaos.
He was currently walking the streets of Rome (the city he had made his son Napoleon II the King of).
He was quite startled to see an elk walking the streets of Rome.
The elk headed towards the colosseum and entered it.
Strange, the ex-Emperor thought to himself.
He had seen a few peculiar things in Rome back in the day but not that.
. . .
The Egyptian god Horus flew through the streets of London.
Horus had spent over 1500 years as a disembodied spirit after he had been decapitated by King Arthur’s sword Excalibur (capable of slaying immortals).
His spirit on and off had possessed the bodies of various mortal men during that time period but as soon as his mortal host’s body had kicked the bucket, he was left finding a new body to enter.
Now however the Chinese company Huawei had managed to invent a robotic falcon (a robot with all the capabilities and powers inherent in a falcon of nature but one that was immortal having been made from everlasting mineral materials).
A quick call from Horus’ new partner George Soros (The Horus-Soros Alliance had been negotiated by the ghost of Aleister Crowley in-between his incessant screaming as he roasted away on a barbeque spit down in Tartarus) to Soros’ good friend the Chinese Communist paramount leader Xi Jinping and Huawei had provided Horus with just the right robotic falcon body for his spirit to enter.
Now he was flying the streets of London in search of his prey.
Damn, Horus thought to himself.
With this Covid-19 pandemic going on, many people were wearing masks.
How would he able to recognize his prey if his prey was wearing a mask?
. . .
Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was walking on a beach on the island of Cyprus.
There were reports that a giant oyster shell had washed up on this beach and Dracul’s friend Peter Whitstable (the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol) had asked him to investigate.
The shell was spotted near an open fire on the beach.
Van Helsing and his friend the ghost of Orson Welles approached the fire.
The giant oyster was being cooked over the open fire by the Greek god Dionysus.
“Do you know if a pearl also came with this shell?” Van Helsing asked the now thoroughly inebriated Greek deity (who had in a single night saved the Cypriot wine making industry from financial disaster).
“Hic! Hic! Hic!” Dionysus replied, “I was told by a gypsy wench that a pearl of great price was in the shell but that pearl of great price up and walked away.”
“It’s Dionysus vs. Christ! Don’t you understand?” The ghost of Friedrich Nietzsche spoke to the ghosts of Jean-Paul Sartre and Albert Camus as the 3 philosophers sat like bumps on a log on a log further down the beach.
Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles returned to their hotel room.
There the Greek goddess Aphrodite (who was the pearl of great price from the oyster shell) was waiting for Van Helsing.
The ghost of Orson Welles was once again forced to shut his eyes as Van Helsing carried on with a goddess.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 9th
2020.
Dracul Van Helsing 
You must be logged in to post a comment.