Reblog of Orson Welles and The Unusual Production of MacBeth

March 31, 2019 at 9:11 pm (Entertainment, Horror, Literature, Movies, Plays, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

A vampire novel chapter and blog post I wrote 4 years ago today.

Dracul Van Helsing

Orson Welles and The Unusual Production of MacBeth

It was March 1945.

And talented director and actor of stage, radio and film the great Orson Welles was directing a short scene from William Shakespeare’s MacBeth for an upcoming charity event.

Welles (in front of the stage): All right. Enter the three witches.

(Thunder and lightning. Enter three witches)

First Witch (lowering “her” cowl to reveal the face of Adolf Hitler- a fact which startles Orson Welles):

When shall we three meet again?
In thunder, lightning or in rain?

Second Witch (lowering her “cowl” to reveal the face of Josef Stalin- a fact which also startles Orson Welles):

When the hurlyburly’s done,
When the battle’s lost and won.

Third Witch (lowers its cowl to reveal a face wearing a mask. It speaks in a very metallic sounding voice):

That will be ere the set of sun.

(On the wall at the…

View original post 172 more words

Permalink 3 Comments

Cleopatra and The Maitreya On Lammas Night

August 1, 2018 at 11:00 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Cleopatra and The Maitreya On Lammas Night

After British MP Renfield R. Renfield signed a contract with the Three Goth Witches of MacBeth that was written in Classical Greek and translated into medieval Scottish Gaelic and signed in Renfieldian blood (the contract gave the 3 Goth witches Renfield’s soul – which Renfield as an atheist didn’t believe in its existence anyways- in exchange for Renfield becoming Prime Minister of Great Britain 🇬🇧 for 7 years), Renfield suddenly noticed that he left his autographed photo of leather skirted Sherrielock Holmes inside the Night Wolves’ Prayer Auditorium.

He went back to retrieve it and while there, he happened to notice 72 Night Wolves emerging from the basement.

At the text message suggestion of a well known Australian 🇦🇺 poet named David Redpath, Renfield and Polish vampiress Annaka Wyszynski rounded up the 72 Night Wolves and put them on a Midnight Express back door delivery to a Turkish Ottoman prison in Istanbul (Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster prophesied that the incident would be turned into a film called Analcide On The Orient Express).

The sight of the praying Night Wolves with their bums up in the air was greeted with a Hallelujah Chorus of “Allah is most gracious. He has sent us 72 non-dark eyed anal virgins in this earthly lifetime without having to blow ourselves up in martyrdom like the brainless and dickless jihadis of ISIS” by the Turkish prison guards.

After loading the bottom of the missionary position Night Wolves on to the train 🚊, Renfield joined a conversation that the ghost of Orson Welles was having with the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill about the literally immortal dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes.

Churchill was remarking to Welles on how his wife Clementine had hired Sherrielock Holmes to tomato 🍅 his (Winnie’s) bottom back in early 1945 as the British wartime Prime Minister had taken to drinking far too much.

After a few intense months of even more intense sobriety, Churchill’s sober second thought gave him an idea 💡 on how to successfully end the war with Germany.

His sober idea 💡 was to fly Sherrielock Holmes behind enemy lines and get her to tomato the buttocks of both German Fuhrer Adolf Hitler and SS Reichsfuhrer Heinrich Himmler.

Sherrielock did this getting Adolf to shoot himself shortly after marrying Eva Braun on April 30th 1945 (when he discovered that Eva wanted him to assume the missionary position during conjugal intercourse – a position that would be extremely painful for the long suffering Fuhrer in his current post-tomatoing condition).

Himmler was so traumatized by the thought of being unable to sit down comfortably for the next 25 years that he committed suicide by biting into a cyanide capsule on May 23rd 1945.

Churchill regretted that he hadn’t had the period of intense sober second thought a lot sooner.

Otherwise he might have thought up this brilliant idea 💡 a lot sooner.

“As I told Westminster College at Fulton, Missouri in my Iron Curtain speech of March 5th, 1946, if I had gotten my Iron Tomatoing 🍅 a lot sooner, there would probably be no Iron Curtain dividing Europe today for the War would have ended a lot sooner and Josef Stalin would be up Shit Creek without a paddle.”

“Did Sherrielock wear a British Commando paratrooping outfit when she parachuted behind enemy lines?” Welles grimaced.

“No,” Churchill shook his head, “she wore a leather mini skirt, black silk fishnet nylons and black spiked super spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes an outfit which prevented her from getting shot down from German snipers as they all started masturbating on the spot as soon as they spotted her with their binoculars.”

. . .

“Lexington,” Donald Trump spoke to his British butler and valet, “I’m seriously considering breaking all constitutional and legal precedent and personally firing special counsel Robert Mueller. What do you think?”.

“I think you should do it, sir,” Lexington replied.

“Really?” Trump looked at his hair in the mirror and noticed how much it looked like golden maize corn 🌽 currently growing in the fields of Kansas.

The Oval Office window was smashed by the Wicked Witch of the East flying through on her broomstick.

The witch’s face landed in Trump’s hair and she was killed instantly.

“All right then, Lexington,” Trump pointed at the Wicked Witch’s shoes, “Give these to Robert Mueller and tell him to take a hike.”

. . .

It was Lammas Night and Cleopatra (the former High Queen of Egypt and current High Queen of Ireland) was celebrating with her husband the Nepalese-Tibetan Himalayan golden cobra serpent the Maitreya in a Berlin discotheque.

Cleopatra and Maitreya watched via FaceTime on their respective iPhones as Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal sacrificed a living baby lamb on the altar of York Cathedral at the Lamb-Mass in York Cathedral on this the Feast Day of Saint Peter ad Vincula.

Both Cleopatra and Maitreya ate Lammas loaf owls (the bread 🥖 🍞 loaf owl 🦉 equivalents of gingerbread men) with salt eyes as the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith’s eyes started to water on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem as a sudden gust of wind came up and the ghost of Jack The Ripper appeared.

Cleopatra decided to head down to the dance floor and hoped that someone would ask her to dance on this Lammas Night.

As Cleopatra stood on the dance floor in front of a neon psychedelic icon depicting Persephone the Greek goddess and divine queen of The Underworld of Hades…

… a Black Jaguar approached her to ask her to dance.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 1st
2018.

Permalink 23 Comments

The 3 Goth Witches From MacBeth, Night Wolves and Renfield R. Renfield

July 31, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The 3 Goth Witches From MacBeth, Night Wolves and Renfield R. Renfield

Panty Goatee was disguised as a blue haired devil and had been sent by newly sworn in (and often sworn at) British Prime Minister Renfield R. Renfield on a Christmas 🎄 mission to assassinate Russian President Vladimir Putin who was taking a horse sleigh ride through Moscow’s Gorky Park.

Such was the vision that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster received from the future on his psychic lobster antennae in his aquarium at Set Enterprises.

Meanwhile future British Prime Minister Renfield R. Renfield was currently visiting the Central European republic of Slovakia 🇸🇰.

He was riding a motorcycle 🏍 driven by Polish vampiress Annaka Wyszynski.

They were heading in the direction of Dolna Krupa a village 70 kilometres (44 miles) from the Slovak capital of Bratislava.

The village (a former military base) was now the European Headquarters of the Night Wolves a Russian 🇷🇺 ultranationalist biker gang with close ties to Russian President Vladimir Putin.

The Night Wolves of Dolna Krupa were about to answer for the Novichok nerve agent caused death of British citizen Dawn Sturgess in a direct message that the future British Prime Minister Renfield R. Renfield was sending to Russian President Vladimir Putin.

If it had been a U.S. citizen who had died as a result of a Novichok caused poisoning, Donald Trump might have fired off an angry tweet about it but then proceed to kiss Vladimir Putin’s ass at the next summit meeting between the two leaders.

Renfield R. Renfield however was cut from a different cloth as the 3 Fates of Greek mythology could definitely attest to.

The Three Goth Witches in a Ghost of Orson Welles directed new European production of MacBeth could attest to that as well.

The Three Goth Witches (who coincidentally were in fact the three witches who had actually met and greeted the original historical MacBeth and predicted his fate and destiny- they were immortal- being the actual daughters of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft (when she was in her beautiful sensuous and sexy young maiden form) and the Greek god Apollo (when he was in his horny young male god emulating his horny father Zeus form) were standing on a hill watching Renfield and the Polish vampiress approach the Night Wolves 🐺 biker gang base at Dolna Krupa.

Said the witches as the moon of the planet Nibiru rose behind them,

“When shall we three meet again,
in thunder, lightning or in rain?
When Putin’s loss is Renfield’s gain
there to meet with Renfield after
Night Wolves have been struck
and slain…”

Renfield entered the base where the Night Wolves were currently at prayer.

The Night Wolves were kneeling on the floor with their foreheads touching the ground and their bums sticking up in the air.

They were praying in a northeasterly direction – in the direction of Moscow.

They were praying before huge painted icons of the late Soviet dictator Josef Stalin and current Russian President Vladimir Putin.

The call to prayer was being howled by Russian she-wolf werewolf Alexandra Goreszhenitsyn in her lupine wolf form.

As Renfield saw all the Night Wolves’ bums stuck up in the air like an invitation to Baphomet on a night when he was feeling happy and gay, he remarked to Polish vampiress Annaka Wyszynski, “It’s a Recep Tayyip Erdogan Ottoman Turkish prison guards’ paradise.”

Renfield then pulled an Uzi submachine gun out of his pocket and blew all the Night Wolves to kingdom come.

666 Night Wolves were dead in all.

The only one who managed to escape was she-wolf werewolf Alexandra Goreszhenitsyn and that was because Renfield was using gold bullets not silver bullets.

“I hope you managed to capture all that on film,” Renfield said to the ghost of Orson Welles as the spectre of the enormous directing talent directed the lighting and camera crews filming the mass shooting.

“I did,” Welles smiled.

“Good,” Renfield grinned, “Upload it to YouTube and at the end of the film credits, don’t forget to put in Russian “Go fuck yourself, Vladimir Putin you degenerate son of a motherless goat 🐐 “ and don’t forget to sign it, “Yours respectfully, Renfield R. Renfield.”

Renfield then left the Night Wolves auditorium where he was approached by the 3 Goth Witches of MacBeth who made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.

When Renfield had pulled the Uzi out of his pocket, he had dropped and left an autographed photo of leather skirted dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes on the floor.

The ghost of Orson Welles picked it up.

He had once shot a film scene with Sherrielock Holmes back in the mid-1950s.

British dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (the quite literally immortal and eternally young twin sister of detective Sherlock Holmes) wearing a cocktail dress and appearing in a film scene directed by genius director Orson Welles back in the mid-1950s.

It was a brief clip he showed to a big Hollywood film tycoon and producer in hopes that Welles could get money and financial backing from the producer for a film he was intending to make about Sherrielock Holmes.

Alas for poor Orson Welles, the request was denied.

For back in the 1950s…

… Disney was not yet prepared to make a family film about the BDSM lifestyle.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 31st
2018.

Permalink 16 Comments

Humourous Haiku About MacBeth

December 30, 2016 at 5:19 pm (Humour, Literature, Plays, Poetry) (, , , )

Yikes! A drum! A drum!
MacBeth doth come right on stage
Scottish play turns porn

Permalink Leave a Comment

Orson Welles and The Unusual Production of MacBeth

March 31, 2015 at 5:36 pm (Entertainment, Horror, Literature, Movies, Plays, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Orson Welles and The Unusual Production of MacBeth

It was March 1945.

And talented director and actor of stage, radio and film the great Orson Welles was directing a short scene from William Shakespeare’s MacBeth for an upcoming charity event.

Welles (in front of the stage): All right. Enter the three witches.

(Thunder and lightning. Enter three witches)

First Witch (lowering “her” cowl to reveal the face of Adolf Hitler- a fact which startles Orson Welles):

When shall we three meet again?
In thunder, lightning or in rain?

Second Witch (lowering her “cowl” to reveal the face of Josef Stalin- a fact which also startles Orson Welles):

When the hurlyburly’s done,
When the battle’s lost and won.

Third Witch (lowers its cowl to reveal a face wearing a mask. It speaks in a very metallic sounding voice):

That will be ere the set of sun.

(On the wall at the back of the stage are flashed images of a solar eclipse followed by a blood red moon)

First Witch (Hitler): Where the place?

Second Witch (Stalin): Upon the heath.

(A strange multicoloured spiral image is then projected on to the screen behind the stage. Orson Welles does not recognize the image on this day in March 1945 but later generations would have recognized the spiral as the double helix of DNA)

Third Witch (with mask and metallic sounding voice): There to meet with MacBeth.

(The image of a face is then projected on to the screen behind the stage)

Orson Welles (waking up in bed with a start): Great heavens!

Rita Hayworth (next to him): What is it?

Orson Welles: I just had the most terrifying dream.

Rita Hayworth: What was it?

Orson Welles (scratching his head): I can’t remember… it’s receding from my memory… but…

Rita Hayworth: But what?

Orson Welles: I have seen the future… and it’s a nightmare.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 31st
2015.

Permalink 19 Comments

Haiku Inspired By Shakespeare’s Scottish Play

August 29, 2013 at 3:22 pm (Poetry) (, , , , , , )

Haiku Inspired By Shakespeare’s Scottish Play

The Lady MacBeth
tries to Shout it out like ad
but damn spot remains

Permalink 2 Comments